


Hope is a Dangerous Thing

by wonderfulmax90



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 27 club, Alternate Universe - Historical, Character Death, Dead People, Drug Abuse, F/M, Gaslighting Mention, Graphic Description of Corpses, Implied Sexual Content, Implied abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, References to Depression, eating disorder mention, graphic depictions of injuries, implied eating disorder, transgender main character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2020-11-16 14:43:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 32
Words: 218,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20845667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderfulmax90/pseuds/wonderfulmax90
Summary: Currently editing, expect changes in a few monthsWarning: If you are uncomfortable with talks of gaslighting, abuse, suicide, depression, drugs and graphic depictions of death then this is not suited for you. This is a work of fiction and not meant to disrespect those who actually died. Rest in peace to these beautiful souls.The 27 Club conspiracy theory has been around since the 70s, but recently something a lot more...supernatural has been going on. Mysterious symbols with satanic implications are showing up on the bodies of the victims. With no one believing in the theory, Noah must first convince Team Free Will of the theory's validity before heading out on the journey with one stipulation, they must return back to their own time before reaching 1990 as to avoid major problems in their own timeline. Sam, Dean, Cas, and Noah then send themselves back in time to try and save the victims from befalling the fate of something...somewhere.





	1. Warning

Warning: If you are uncomfortable with talks of gaslighting, abuse, suicide, depression, drugs and graphic depictions of death then this is not suited for you. Turn back now if any of that applies to you. This is a work of fiction and not meant to disrespect those who actually died. Rest in peace to these beautiful souls.


	2. One

I pulled a book off of the shelves of the bunker library and took it back to my seat. A soft thud echoed across the walls. The trio were out on another trip to god knows where, doing god knows what. So that left me all alone in the large bunker that felt a lot larger when I was all alone with no one to help fill the void. I rubbed the back of my neck to try and relive the ache forming there. I straightened my back and slumped back over the books.

My eyes scanned the words on the pages, not actually comprehending anything on the pages. I blinked a few times, adjusting my glasses once more in a vain attempt to reduce the strain on my eyes. The words began to blur in front of me. I lifted a shoulder and laid my head down on the open books. My eyes kept scanning the words in front of me as if I could even see them as they all blurred together in front of me. The same paragraph over and over and over again with nothing new to be learned from it. I kept trying to make myself read the words but they just kept blurring in front of me. 

The books weren’t actually anything I should be reading at the moment. Sam, Dean and Cas never really understood what I wanted to do with my life. They wanted to hunt monsters, take down demons and save people. A noble life to live if you liked breaking more laws than what was needed for the job. I wanted to crack codes and solve age old mysteries that hadn’t actually been solved before. But I had to actually follow the trio who had taken me in awhile ago after my parents decided to be abusive assholes. I have to admit, I was a conspiracy theorist before the boys met me and some of the monsters the trio hunted actually provided some answers to what I had once questioned which I assumed would be good. But it didn’t calm me at all. It was more so of a thought that had never really went away. Hexes, curses, the whole like but nothing actually confused me more than the Twenty-Seven Club which hadn’t been able to be explained just yet. 

I had always been happy to jump onto the conspiracy theory train. Unsolved murders and serial killers had always fascinated me, as they did many people, so naturally I went down a YouTube hole one day which landed me on the conspiracy theories. None were as interesting, or as odd to me, as the Twenty-Seven Club. Of course, everyone knew the most famous members of the club; Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain and Amy Winehouse. Though, no one had actually known about all the others whose names were lost to time or lack of fame and I don’t blame people for forgetting. There was just not enough coverage for the others. Interest-of course-picked up after Jim Morrison died and honestly, I don’t blame people for this either. He was a famous person and media was on the rise at the time with the new advent of the television and celebrity and the hippie culture that loved him oh so much. Before, there was little to no media to report widely on the deaths of those who were dying because celebrity was such a new concept. It was just another death that happened. 

Now, I am in no way trying to say that these deaths were apart of something bad or mischievous as not to hurt the families of the victims of the horrendous deaths. I would sound callous and rude if I just unabashedly said that. What I am trying to say is that there is a certain amount of oddity that surrounds these people’s deaths which caused people to speculate. It makes no sense to just say that all of these people, especially the core members, died completely of accident or bad timing. It just doesn’t make sense to me at all. Though I could never calm my brain down. There is a reason people think that these deaths are as suspicious as they are. There is something to be said about the collective thinking of humans that makes us so weird and It would be amazing if I could actually spend the time and money to spend the time researching it. 

I would have been an excellent writer and investigative journalist if I had put my degree to use. Though, at the age of twenty with no amount of describable skills or job experience outside of a few small jobs I took up during college, I don’t think I ever would have done anything with it other than worked at grocery stores. I could have made a name for myself publishing the books I had written that were sitting on my computer, edited to the best of everyone’s ability and ready to go but I also knew that being a published novelist who solely lives off the money they make off of books would be a lofty and unreachable dream at best. Only the best and most famous writers made that much. But, maybe one day I would pluck up the courage to start selling the books even if it meant putting everything I had into it. 

I pushed the book away from me and sighed as I turned on my computer in some sort of daze. I turned my attention to the novels that sat on my computer. The ones that were waiting to be published somewhere. I had my passion project which never intended to make any money so I was probably going to post it on some fan fiction site or other online publishing site because it might even be too scandalous to have published anyways. Then I had a few more that I had spent a few years on when I wasn’t working on my passion project. The ones I put a few hundred words into here and there. 

They were side projects that I hoped to eventually make money off of. The ones I cared about but didn’t actually care about more than my passion project. They were more often than not able to gleam a little bit of money off of them but all of my hard work would be out there for the world to see. My babies would be out there for the world to see. All the money I had drained into the books. All the time and energy, all of the characters and worlds I had built in the time it took me to finish college. The friendships I had made…and lost to the writing. All of the time I had spent, drained into writing millions upon millions of words over the few years I had started taking these things seriously. 

My neck creaked and cracked as straightened up to sit at a blank word document. The computer automatically pulled up my ideas notebook since I never really closed it. I looked at all the written down. Words that I had written in a sleepless haze, bringing up memories of my college nights spent working on my thesis and the time I spent in that dreaded hellhole called college. Some of the ideas were really bad but could be spun pretty well if I wrote on it enough. I was at the point where I could write them well. I guess I could write on whatever I really could. My mind was always split between the ideas so some of them would be actually split when I wrote on them with others. 

There was no better way then to just start at the top of the list. Best way to start tackling them. I turned to the first idea on the list and began to write on it. I asked a few people who were in my group chat if we wanted to do a few sprints. Fifteen minutes on and then five minutes off was the most common. A few of them agreed and we began the twenty minute sprint. This was my only time I ever got to see other humans outside of the trio of hunters I normally did.

“Noah, where are you,” Dean’s gruff voice echoed on the walls. I raised my hand tiredly in hopes to catch the man’s attention but knew it would be to no avail. Dean was as blind as a bat in the daylight. “Noah, speak up. I can’t hear you!”

“In the library,” My voice was hoarse. I hadn’t used it for a few days, not since I paid the pizza man the Friday the boys went out of town. 

“What the hell got into you? You sick or something?” Dean appeared in the entryway of the library.

“Nah dude, I’m okay. It’s I just haven’t used any sort of talking since you guys left.” I stood, stretching out my body and clearing my throat a little bit. 

“Have you even slept since we left,” Dean walked towards me, placing a hand on my shoulder. “You’ve got bags under your eyes.”

“I’m fine Dean, I’m okay. Honestly, I’m okay,” I rubbed my eyes and blinked slowly. Dean cocked his head to the side and examined me with his green eyes. I shifted uncomfortably under his gaze and turned away from him. 

“You should go take a nap while we go clean up,” Dean patted my shoulder and gripping it before leading me into the living room. 

“Dean, stop. Please. I am honestly fine right now. I’m as fit as a pickle.” Sam dropped his bags on the floor. 

“I think you mean as fit as a fiddle. Noah and you definitely need sleep,” Dean lifted me up and tossed me over his shoulder. 

“Dean, no. Stop it. I’m good. I’m okay. I’m really okay,” I protested as I slammed my fists on his back. Dean winced and thus, my protest stopped. 

“Are you the one who is okay Dean?” I yawned before covering my mouth as Dean set me down on the couch with one hand rubbing his neck. 

“That damn son of a bitch hurt me pretty bad. Slammed me on my back. I think I’ll be okay with some Motrin or something.” Dean smiled as he sat down next to my feet. 

“You’re going to regret that. I think you’re going to actually be a lot worse off than just the bruising. You could have cracked a rib or something.”

I sat up and motioned for Dean to turn around. He gave me a look before lifting the shirt as far as he could which was only a few inches. I tilted my head as I took a knife off of the coffee table. The shirt ripped to reveal a lot of bruising, which I had expected. The coloring was all of the place. There were all shades of reds, blues, purples and blacks. Dean groaned as I began to look over his back. There were no signs of a cracked vertebrae but Dean’s breathing was labored as all hell. His breath crackled like static on an old television as he inhaled and exhaled. 

“It’s not as bad as you think, Noah. I’m as fit as a fiddle, just like you,” Dean coughed slightly as he brought up a bit of blood. 

“Dean, I think you cracked a rib. Nothing worse than a cracked rib ‘cause you can’t do much about it except rest and take lots of pain meds.”

“Sam and I already picked up another case. I don’t have the time to rest and take pain meds,” Dean rubbed his back, wincing a bit. 

“Dean baby, you need to rest. You can’t keep working yourself like this. It’s not going to do anything except make you feel worse. You can’t stop taking all of these damn cases back to back because you’re going to end up dying.” 

“And who’s to say that I don’t want to die Noah?” Dean turned back around and faced the TV.

“I thought you always wanted the white picket fence, apple pie on the windowsill life no matter how dark your life got. You’re not going to get that if you don’t take care of yourself.”

“That doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen anymore,” Dean looked at me, eyes filled with a few tears. Whether it was from pain or from the depression setting in again, I didn’t know. “I think I might be way too fucked up to hold a normal relationship anymore.” 

“Well, I don’t know about you but I think it might be nice if you just strengthened the relationships you have here with Sam, with Cas…,” I trailed off for a second, thinking about the next words I was going to say. “With me.” 

Dean wiped his tears and turned on the TV. Conversation over. I placed my legs on Dean’s lap and stretched out my own legs. A smile crossed his face as I groaned with a bit of yawn leaving my mouth. My knee creaked and a shooting pain rushed from my ankle to my hip. Dean reached a calloused hand over my ankles. A hiss left my mouth as I looked down at the swollen ankle. My body tensed as Dean’s fingers ghosted over my swollen skin. His eyes scanned over my legs as I looked down at it. 

“What the hell happened to your ankle,” Dean asked as his eyes lifted up off of the ankle and scanned over my skin. “Did you break your ankle or something?” 

“Nah dude, I think I just ate something that made my body just so damn aggravated. I don’t really notice the pain unless someone touches it really weird,” Dean lifted his hands and frowned.

“Sorry Noah, didn’t mean to aggravate it. What do you think makes it so bad?” 

I shrugged as I knew the exact answer to his question but just leaned back against the couch. 

“I don’t know man, we don’t see doctors often enough for me to get diagnosed with anything and no one will take care of me, you know? I mean, other than what I have diagnosed.”

“I don’t really know, actually,” Dean looked at me. I lifted my head to look at at the man. “I’ve never been to doctors enough to get a diagnosis of anything. Other than that time in the psych ward with the wraith.” 

“Well, it has always been hard for me to get diagnosis for basic needs like my…,” Dean shot me a look. “Nevermind. I don’t really think you need to know about that just yet.”

“What the hell do you mean-,” Dean coughed up a bit more of blood. “What the hell do you mean by that?”

“I can’t really tell you that just yet, I’m sorry,” Dean nodded, turning his attention back to the television, wiping a bit of money off of his cheek. 

Dean’s face was worn from the years he had spent hunting and worrying over his small family. The freckles were still there though. It was one of the amazing things about him. The freckles I had seen once when I was a child, a few times when I was a teen and now when I was an adult. It was a far cry from the handsome twenty something I had met as a small child but it was still the same old Dean. There wasn’t much that had changed except for time. I no longer was a child who thought the monsters under his bed were fake but now I knew they were real. His smile was still the same, but it was more real these days. His happiness wasn’t faked as much as it was before. 

~

I rubbed my eyes as I woke up on the couch, Dean’s head was leaning over the back of the couch with a light snore exiting his mouth every few seconds. I stood up slowly in hopes that I didn’t wake him up since he was a pretty light sleeper. My feet were light on the floor as I moved into the library. Sam was leaned over a book and my laptop still open and on the table. Sam’s head snapped up as I walked into the library to get my computer. I smiled at him and moved towards the man.

Sam smiled happily and stretched in his seat with a few bones cracking in its wake. It looked like he hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep last night even though he should have been sleeping. He had spent some nights up and awake from nightmares. So had I but we never talked much about that. We were more of the night owls who never actually talked about anything other than the next case or life. He was cool and I liked him enough but not as much as his brother. Sam was my brother in a sense. 

“Morning Noah, I guess it’s still the middle of the night to you,” Sam’s eyes drifted up to the clock on one of the walls. 

“What? I can be awake in the day. I’m not a total night owl,” I ruffled Sam’s hair as I walked past him and went back to the laptop. 

“Well, you really are a night owl Noah. I think I’ve only seen you awake during the day maybe three times and this might be the fourth time.” 

“Well I’m sorry my love,” I smiled and sat down in my chair. I entered the word processor I used before the trio came home and began writing a bit before I was interuppted again.

“So what are you working on,” Sam tilted his head to the side as I looked up at him. A heat crept to my cheeks as I closed my laptop to view the younger of the Winchester brothers.

“Not a lot to be honest. I’m trying to find a new case for you guys when you are up for it,” Sam nodded and turned his eyes back to him computer as my eyes drifted to the Sasquatch of a man. “Want me to make breakfast sleepy head?”

“I think we should wait for Dean to wake up before you make breakfast,” Sam smirked. “You remember the last time you did that? Dean threw a fucking temper tantrum.” 

I giggled, “Well yeah. I guess I should wait until the old man wakes up.” 

Sam joined me in my laughter before the two of us turned back to our respective computers for a moment before the man on the couch stirred, my eyes moving over to the movement. Dean groaned and yawned as he stretched out on the couch. My eyes drifted over to the man on the couch just for a mermen. Dean rubbed his neck, standing up from the couch. He waddled over to the library with one hand messing up his hair before coming over to me and wrapping an arm around my shoulder. Sam blushed and smiled with his head shaking before turning back to the computer. 

A heat creeped to my cheeks when I felt the man place a kiss on the top of my head, “Good morning Dean, how did you sleep?”

Sam smiled over at me and made a kissy face before turning back to his work. Dean tapped my shoulder as he successfully turned my attention back to him. 

“I slept fine, how did you sleep? Any pain?” I shook my head and stood from my seat with Dean’s hand falling away from my shoulder. “That’s good. We don’t need you in pain.” 

I rolled my eyes as I walked into the kitchen with Dean following close behind me. “Did you sleep okay?”

Dean rubbed his neck and stretched once more, a soft groan leaving his mouth, “I think I could have slept better if I didn’t fall asleep on the couch, fucked my back up even more.” 

I pulled the ingredients out of the pantry and fridge for pancakes, “Well, I told you to take some pain meds.”

Dean chuckled and grabbed some Motrin out of the medicine cabinet, “And you are always right Noah?” 

“Well, I am right when it comes to pain,” I brought myself on my tip-toes and kissed Dean’s cheek. “Now, move, I can’t actually make breakfast if you don’t move.” 

I shooed Dean to the doorway of the kitchen and smiled at him. Dean leaned against the doorway and reached his hand out for a cup of something liquid to wash down the small pills. Eventually, as soon as I was done mixing the dry ingredients and measured out the milk. I handed him a cup of milk made from the last of the milk in the carton. 

“Breakfast,” I screamed down the hallway in an attempts to get Cas to come out of his room. Sam and Dean were already at the table and eating their breakfast. My plate was already filled but I hadn’t sat down just yet. 

The familiar sound of wings filled the air behind me, “You don’t have to scream Noah. I can hear you just fine.” 

I jumped at the sound of Cas’ gruff voice and clutched a hand to my chest, “Jesus, Castiel, you use your wings everywhere. Can’t you just walk down the fucking hallway for once?”

“I don’t find walking particularly fun.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I went off on the angel. 

“Just, try walking around here once, okay?” I walked over to the table. Sam and Dean were almost finished with their first plate of food. Dean looked like he was going to go in for a second plate of food even though the rule was that everyone was supposed to eat their first plate of food before anyone goes in for their second plate of food. 

“Dig in Dean, you can go in for your second plate, it’s okay,” I dug into my pancakes and watched as Dean took a few more pancakes onto his plate. 

Sam shot me a look from his seat next to me. I tilted my head and looked back at the man. He raised his eyebrows and tilted his head towards Dean. I looked at him and shrugged, not understanding what he was trying to say. He stood up and waved me out of the room. I followed him out of the room and into a small bit of hallway out of earshot of both the angel and man in the other room. 

“What do you want Sammy? I was kind of in the middle of eating,” I crossed my arms in front of my chest and waited for an answer from him. 

“Do you like Dean?” The question caught me off guard. I leaned back against the wall in attempt to steady myself. 

“I don’t know what you mean by that,” Which was true. Of course who liked Dean. He was a friend of mine who saved my life countless times before with the help of his brother. 

“Do you like Dean as more than a friend, more than a brother?” Sam’s eyes scanned my body over. I couldn’t tell if he was serious or not. 

“What the hell do you mean by that? I mean, of course I like Dean, he’s saved my life more times than I can count on one hand, both of you have. I owe you guys my lives but you and Dean are amazing people. You are both so smart and cunning, I look up to you both.”

“I mean, you are looking at him as if you are in love with him,” Sam crossed his arms in front of him. “I just wanted to know if you were since we are so close.”

“Sam, I love you and all but I don’t think telling you that I am in love with your older brother would be a good idea. I am not in love with your brother and I am not in love with you or Cas either. You guys are just friends, plus I think it would be a little creepy if I dated your brother considering that he is a bit older than me. I don’t even think he knows I am…,” Sam nodded knowingly. I let go of the breath I was holding, glad I didn’t have to say the one word I was so scared to say. 

“I just wanted to ask, okay? It’s just a question.” A shiver ran down my back but no draft had come down the corridor. 

“A very weird question Sammy. I am not in love with any of you. You may have saved my life but there is no way I have fallen in love with any one of you. It would be far too weird.”

“I was just asking Noah, I didn’t think you would be this defensive about it. Plus, there is another question I need to ask you. What the hell are you hiding on the computer of yours?”

“Why would you need to know Sam? I don’t ask you what’s on your computer and you sure as hell never asked Dean what was on his computer.” 

“I know you when you’re hiding something Noah and you are defiantly hiding something. I don’t know what the hell it is and it’s making me nervous. Are you dabbling in anything dangerous? Well, dangerous for us.” 

“Sam, did you start drinking demon blood again because what you’re implying is absolute crazy talk.”

“Well, I just want to know if that’s okay. You’re so defensive lately.”

“I don’t want to tell you what’s on my computer. If you really want to know what is on there, I will tell you. It’s just some cases for you guys whenever you aren’t busy,” I turned and walked back into the library to finish eating. 

“What was that all about,” Dean finished his last bite and looked up at me as I sat back down. 

“Nothing Dean,” I turned to the food in front of me. My stomach didn’t even growl at the thought of eating or the sight of food in front of me. 

“Okay…you got a case for us, squirt,” I picked at the food on my plate and took a small bite of food. 

“I don’t think you would actually like the case I am thinking of at the moment. It would be much easier for you to just let me pass on it.” 

“Come on, let me hear it, might be right up our alley,” Dean leaned forward and smirked at me. 

“It’s the Twenty-Seven Club…a curse that falls over all of the music industry but most think it’s just a weird coincidence but I don’t think it is.” 

“Well, of course you don’t think it is but I think you’re reaching here,” Dean leaned forward. 

“Dean, I know what I’m talking about here. It’s so obvious that even normal people are being to get on to it.”

“Dean is right, I don’t think that anything is going to down,” Cas sat down at the table as he locked eyes with me. 

“This is the perfect chance to get to the root of the problem and save a lot of people.”

“It’s just a stupid conspiracy theory, Noah. Nothing more, nothing less. Even if it wasn’t we can’t just go messing around with these guys. These are guys are mostly drug addicts and some of these guys committed suicide. Did you even think about the consequences of delving deep into this?”

“I know you might think that but I mean, come on. It’s called a curse for a reason. I don’t think it’s any sort of coincidence. I think a witch did this, and a very powerful one at that.”

“No, Noah, we are not taking this on. I don’t even know where we’d start with that.”

“Dean, please, what about ‘saving people, hunting things, the family business’? This is a chance to save more that one person and take down the one thing you guys are too scared to do anymore.”

“Noah has a point, Dean. We should hear him out. We haven’t had a good monster hunt in awhile, it might be good for us. We need a little bit of fun after all of this angel and demon shit.” 

Dean shot up out of his seat and slammed his fist on the table, “The answer is no and it will remain no. We’re taking on a different case. Enough said.”

I pulled back from the table. My heart raced and pounded against my ribcage and threatened to leap out of my chest. A familiar sting came to my eyes and my chest. I stumbled back into a bookshelf. Dean held out a hand as if to steady my already shaking body. The echo of my mom’s yelling rang in my ear. My heart sank into my chest and my eyes flicked around the room. I half expected a book to be thrown at my head. My lungs struggled for air. 

“No, Noah, I didn’t-,” Dean’s voice was softer than the anger he held in his voice only a few seconds prior. 

I didn’t catch the rest of the sentence as I ran out of the library and into the forest surrounding the bunker. I kept running until I found the small patch of flowers in the middle of the forest. I clutched onto a nearby tree and caught my breath. A fire burned in my lungs and my heart beat as though I had just run a marathon. 

The sun shown through a break in the trees. A hammock was strung between two trees. A tent was in the middle of the circle created by the flowers and trees. I climbed into the tent. A small stack of my favorite books were in the tent. I curled into the sleeping bag, grabbing a book. 

Tears threatened to spill out of my eyes as I held the book close to my chest with a yawn escaping my mouth. The warmth of the sun coming into the tent warmed me up. My tent was the only safe space I had against the outside world and all of the shit we had to deal with. It was the place I went to get away from Sam, Dean, Cas, any thoughts of loneliness and my parents. I don’t even think they knew I had this place. 

My eyes were heavy as tears spilled from my eyes. The sounds of the birds and the breeze were calming. The warmth from the sun acted like a blanket. My eyes puffed up from the all the crying and heavy from a lack of sleep. Though I was always tired no matter what amount of sleep I got. It never seemed to matter to my body and naps were a frequent part of any day if I got the chance to lay down for even a while. 

~

The first thing I noticed when I rolled over was the cold ground, which was uncharacteristic of the warmth I had once felt when I fell asleep. My eyes darted around, trying to figure out where I was. The forest was completely dark with no way for me to get back to the bunker without a light. I had conveniently left both my phone and my computer in the bunker and I never came out here at night. It took awhile but eventually my eyes adjusted to the light or lack thereof. 

“Noah! No-ah!” Dean’s voice rang throughout the forest and bounced off the trees. It was hard to tell where he was. On one hand, I wanted to get out of the forest but on the other hand I didn’t want to leave my tent. 

The light from a flashlight moved around the forest. I could see the defused light from inside my tent. My whole body tensed up as I moved away from the light. I didn’t want to be found. The light got closer to the tent. I didn’t even have to see him to know he caught me and I just had to wait for him to open the tent up. No one besides me had been there before me.

“Found you,” Dean’s shadow filled out one side of the tent and moseyed over to the zipper. 

“I didn’t want to be found,” My voice quivered as Dean crawled in and sat down next to me. 

“Well, I found you anyway. We were worried Noah. You can’t just go missing for hours at a time like that.” 

“You never noticed when I was gone before,” Dean’s eyes widened. “So I assumed you would leave me alone like you always have.”

“So you would just come out here whenever something was bothering you?”

“Yeah and don’t worry, this whole place is under protection from angels, demons and any kind of monster you can imagine.”

Dean ruffled my hair, “I had no worries about you protecting yourself.”

There was a beat of silence, “So why did you finally decide to come and find me?”

“I was worried about you. But I wanted to apologize to you about this afternoon. I didn’t mean to yell at you for all of that.”

“It’s okay, Dean. It just brought back some really bad memories for me,” I brought my knees to my chest, shivering against the wind coming in. 

Dean leaned over and closed the zipper up to make us warmed, “I mean, what do you mean by that? If you don’t mind me asking.”

I paused for a moment and thought back on my parents, tears threatening to spill out of my eyes again, “I don’t-”

“I understand,” Dean stood up with his head hitting the top of the tent. “I’m gonna get some wood for a fire, I think we need some s’mores.”

Dean shuffled out of the tent and closed it behind him. I curled into the sleeping bag. I untucked a small teddy bear and curled into the soft fur of the bear I had since I was a child. It still smelled like a home that I no longer recognized as my own. Sam, Dean, Cas, the bunker…that was my home now. But even that didn’t feel much like home. I mourned the family I had lost and craved the home that I once had. It’s not like I missed the abuse I endured in that household but, I missed the concept of a family. 

My parents, after the Winchester brothers saved us from a ghost that had been haunting us for a while and even before that, weren’t that great of people. They were always the best people around others but back at home, when they weren’t being watched, they were less kind to me. I was always the smart one, the one put under the most pressure to succeed. I knew I had to go off to college and make a name for myself. But they were manipulative, my mom the one bringing the most pain. She consistently gaslighted me and said her happiness mattered more than my own words sometimes even though I knew her cheating ways were going to hurt people. That lead to a few toxic friendships that I had no choice but to stay in because I had no other friends. The Winchesters were the first people to actually love me. 

“‘Ey squirt, get out here,” I rubbed my eyes of any tears that had stuck and got out of the tent. Dean was looking up at the stars in the sky. I leaned against the man’s shoulder as I looked up at the bright stars in the sky as well. 

“You brought me out here to look at stars,” Dean pulled me closer to him with an arm around my shoulder. 

“Well, yeah. Sometimes you have to stop and see the stars sometimes.” 

I nodded and let Dean just hold me in his arms. He pulled me into a hug. It wasn’t like him to hug me. He hugged Sam and Cas but never me. His warmth felt odd, like a hug from my mother after one of our fights. I turned my attention to the pile of wood behind us. Dean smiled as he did the same and placed his hands on his hips.

“I better get us warm then,” Dean bent down and began to start the fire. He set down a bucket next to his feet. 

Within no time we were warm and roasting marshmallows over the fire. My eyes stayed right in front of me in attempt to not look at Dean. My body was aware of how close he was to me. The hair on my arms stood on end. Dean talked about whatever came to mind, rambling to fill the dead air. I kept silent and just listened to the deep rumbling of his voice rather than the words. 

“You know, you can always go out on this mission alone. If it means this much to you, I would say go through with it. I’m not going to stop you.”

“Dean, I don’t think I can do this alone. I have never been on a hunt alone and this isn’t just something I can delve into all by myself.”

“I understand that much kiddo,” I tensed up at the nickname. “But if you ever want to do this kind of stuff alone then you should at least try to take this case on alone.”

“I just don’t think this is the case I should take on alone. I would probably end up stuck in the past to worse…killed.” 

“I’ll see what I can do, but for now, let’s finish up.” He smiled at me and leaned closer to me. 

We smiled as we began to fix up our s’mores. Dean looked like a little kid with all the marshmallow on his face. I helped him clean up the mess left by the s’mores. I lifted the bucket off of the ground, leaning into Dean tiredly. He helped me stomp out the fire and navigate our way back to the bunker. Cas and Dean sat outside of the bunker, arms crossed in front of their chests.

“I found him, he’s okay,” Dean smiled nervously and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. 

“Where the hell were you?” Sam stepped forward. Dean shot me a look with an eyebrow raised in question. I shook my head and silenced him on the spot. 

“He wasn’t that far away, just hanging out in a tree,” Dean smiled and walked us past the two men and only stopped when we got outside of my room. 

“Thanks for keeping my secret. I can’t have them knowing about my safe space.” 

“No problem, I’ll keep you secret for as long as you want me to.” Dean pulled me into a hug and held me close for a few moments. It still felt weird to me. 

“Thank you,” A yawn escaped my mouth. “I think I’m going to hit the hay. See you tomorrow.” 

“See you tomorrow little one.”


	3. Two

Sam and I sat at the table. We were completely silent. His eyes moved to mine in a glare every so often. He still didn’t look happy about being forced on this case with me even if he did back me originally. I don’t think I would be too happy about it either. I think he wanted me to go on the case alone but he was stuck here with me. I could hear Cas and Dean talking in the kitchen but their voices were too low for me to hear anything more than their mumbles.

“I can’t believe you fucking lied to me,” Sam grumbled. I leaned back in my chair in awe at the words with my mouth agape. He had been quiet about the topic all morning but now he decided to eat me out about it. 

“I didn’t lie to you, I didn’t do anything with Dean last night. We just hung out for a bit then came back here.” 

“Yeah, and I know my brother still has those urges. He will fuck anything that moves.” 

“Sam, I swear to Chuck nothing happened. I will swear on my cats lives that I did nothing with Dean. He doesn’t even like me and I don’t like him like that either.” 

“I can’t believe I’m on this case with you. I thought that if we’d take this case that it would be all of us instead of just me and you.” 

“Sam, shut up. You’re on the case as much as you hate it. If you really want Cas and I on the case then you’ll have to convince us of that, okay,” Dean leaned against the doorway of the library. Cas stood next to him with his arms crossed. 

“Thank you Dean.” I turned back to Sam who slumped back into his seat. 

“Well, I assume that you two will be doing that all day then?” Cas stepped down the stairs with Dean following him. 

“Yes and no. If you want Sam to try and convince you then we will be here all say, it’s a lot to sift through but I have most of the research already on my computer. I had a lot of time to look this over.” 

“Well, let’s hear it, convince us why Cas and I should join you and Sam.” 

Dean sat down and crossed his legs. Sam shot me a look that pleaded with me to keep talking. Cas stood against a bookshelf. I hadn’t been looked at like this since I had given presentations in college and I could already feel the sweats coming on. I smiled and shifted on my feet to get more comfortable.

“Okay, I think you all know the basics. Loads of people in Hollywood-mainly the music industry-die at the age of twenty-seven. Causes of death range from traffic accidents to drugs. The main theory comes from an astrological term in which your life begins to change around eventually ending in a crisis at the age of twenty-seven which I don’t believe because it sounds like a load of shit. But I think that a powerful witch has done the deed, not only putting the famous curse over musicians but over all of Hollywood.”

“And who might that be,” Sam tapped on his keyboard in an attempt to keep up with me. 

“Peg Entwistle. She was a stage actress who threw herself off of the ‘H’ in the Hollywood Sign after she was refused a role in a Hollywood movie but her soul promised the Devil that she would stay on earth to wreck havoc on those who had hurt her,” Sam looked at me, smiling. 

“Well, that doesn’t sound very interesting. I’m not totally convinced.”

“Dean, I’m right. Her body was never found and only some of her belongings and the curse started right after her death.”

“I thought the curse started in 1892 with the death of Alexandre Levy? She can’t be the one who starts off the curse,” I walked over to Sam’s laptop and looked it over before shooting him a glare. 

“Sorry, keep going,” Sam lowered his head in shame. I walked back to my spot and smiled. 

“Well, after that small interruption…I just don’t know who the witch is because there’s no information on them just yet. These people all died in ‘natural’ ways and thus the humans had no reason to investigate until the connection of their age brought about questions,” I caught Dean’s eyes. “And I’m doing a bad job at explaining this, aren’t I?”

“Not nessicarily but keep looking.” Sam perked up in his seat and rushed to my side. 

“Look,” Sam switched between all of their autopsy photos. I didn’t see it at first, it took a few seconds before I recognized what what I was supposed to be looking at. 

“Oh fuck, you have to show them,” I shooed Sam over to his brother. 

Dean’s eyes widened, “You mean to tell me that they all died with a pentagram behind their ear?” 

“Yes.” Dean stood up and clapped his hands together. I jolted at the sound. Dean smiled apologetically. 

“We’re on the case with you.” A small smile appeared on Sam’s face. Cas didn’t look too happy with the decision but didn’t speak up about it. 

~

The kitchen was fragrant with whatever Dean was cooking up. I did most of the cooking around here but whenever Dean was in a good mood he ended up cooking for the team. Dean didn’t seem to notice when I walked into the kitchen. I hoisted myself up onto a counter that Dean wasn’t using and watched him. His lips moved silently to the Queen song playing throughout the kitchen. He moved around and cut up veggies for soup. 

“Well aren’t you in a good mood.” I commented in hopes he could hear me over the music. 

Dean’s eyes scanned over me, “I’m always in a good mood when I see you.” 

A heat creeped to my cheeks as I tried hiding the probably obvious blush behind my hands. Dean smiled as he turned back to his soup. Sam walked into the doorway and leaned against it. A smile appeared on Sam’s face as well. The three of us were a small family and had been for awhile. Sam and Dean were the actual brothers but they treated me like their younger brother which I hated sometimes because my feelings for Dean felt almost incestal. 

“Well, aren’t you two the cutest thing I have ever seen,” Sam shot me a smirk. Dean didn’t catch the snark in Sam’s voice and kept on cooking. 

“Sam, shut it,” I jumped down from the counter and pushed Sam into the hallway. I lowered my voice as I pushed him up against a wall. “Sam, I swear to fucking God if you don’t shut your goddamn mouth about this. I do not like Dean and he does not like me. That night in the woods, all we did was make some s’mores and talk a bit. If you don’t believe me then I guess you don’t but do not bring this up around Dean.” 

“Noah, I just think you shouldn’t be hiding your feelings like this, it’s obvious that you like him.”

“I do not fucking like your brother. We’re all like brothers and having feelings for him would almost be like incest, okay? I’m not into Dean.”

Rage bubbled in my chest as my eyes landed on Sam’s chest. Tears threatened to spill over from my eyes. I rolled my eyes as I walked out of the bunker and into the woods. I needed to get out of the bunker for awhile. Sam’s voice rang in my head as I walked away from him. My whole body shook in rage. My eyes moved around as I looked down at the flowers. The echo of the bunker door slamming bounced off of the trees. 

“Noah,” Dean’s familiar gruff voice sounded off against the trees. I didn’t answer him as my eyes darted to the familiar trees marked with small numbers and lead me to where I wanted to go. “Goddammit.” 

I sat down in the tent, hugging my knees to my chest. All I could see was red. Sam knew I didn’t have any feelings for Dean yet he insisted on pushing the topic. I think he wanted to see how far he could push me before I snapped. But I didn’t want to snap in front of him and give him that kind of satisfaction. I hated that smug smirk he got when he knew he was right or that he had pushed someone far enough to snap. 

My body shook, partially from rage and partially from the cold outside. Goosebumps formed on my skin. The pesky things showing how cold it was. I didn’t think to bring more blankets and I didn’t want to be found so I wasn’t about to start one now when Dean was looking for me. But since he knew where I might be and where it was it was a matter of time before he found me. 

“Noah,” Dean was out of breath. His breath made small clouds in the air. “What the hell happened back there?”

“Sam, he’s been pushing me about you and my feelings for you. Feelings I don’t have but he is convinced that I do. I just-it’s so annoying,” Dean crawled in and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. 

“Look, I don’t know if you do have feelings for me or not but for Sam to push you like that is wrong. It’s none of his business anyhow. It is your business first then, if you do like me as more than a close friend, my business.”

“Problem is, I don’t know what the hell makes up love at all. Like, I know it’s caring for someone way more than friendship and that it’s basically friendship but…I don’t understand it at all.”

“I mean, you love Sam, Cas and I, right,” I nodded still confused as to where he was going. “Then you know what love feels like and if it gets any stronger than you know you want to be my boyfriend.”

“I still don’t follow but okay.”

Dean slumped back. I couldn’t tell if he was defeated or just tired. I leaned against Dean’s shoulder and shuddered as a breeze went through the tent. My eyes were heavy. My whole body slumped against Dean. I was exhausted from the rage. A soft smile appeared on Dean’s face as he stood up and slung me over his shoulder. A grunt left his mouth as he picked me up. My eyes closed. My body relax and let him carry me back into the bunker. He took me all the way back into my bedroom and eyed Sam all the way.

Dean laid me down, eyes dragging over my body. His hands pulled a blanket over my body. A smile was still on his face as he looked at me. I don’t think I had ever seen him smile this much. There was a glint in his eye that I couldn’t place but I had seen him give the same look to Sam many times before. He placed a chaste kiss on my forehead before turning out the light in the room.

~

I walked into the same forest that I had known since we had gotten to the bunker. The air was chill. My breath hanging in the air. I rubbed my arms in an attempt to warm myself up but there was no way I could bring my body temperature up. Branches snapped under my weight and leaves crunched. My movements echoed across the trees. But within the distance I could faintly hear chanting. 

I walked towards the chanting. I was vaguely intrigued by the beautiful voice bouncing off of the trees. My eyes moved around in an attempt to find some lighting. The chanting got closer as I moved forward. A light from some sort of fire danced across the trees, a woman chanting in front of the fire. 

The fire was floating above the ground with no sort of wood or fuel to be seen. I had no idea if my mind was playing tricks on me or not but I swore I saw faces within the dancing flames of fire. The woman didn’t seem to notice me at all. Her back was turned to me and her chanting was in no language I had ever heard before, like some backwards form of Latin. The faces rose from the flames and turned into fiery humanoid figures. I only recognized a few faces, stepping back. A loud snap echoed against the trees, the woman turning back to look at me.

“Well, well, well, look who showed up. I assumed this might not work. Only angels can enter dreams like this but I think I finally got the spell down.” 

“What do you want with me?” The witch didn’t answer me. She walked over to me, touching my hair as she looked at me. 

“You will do just nicely,” She smiled and examined me even further. “He will be so proud of my work.”

“Who are you and what do you want with me?” Once again I received no answer. The trees groaned with the wind. 

The fire glowed a brilliant yellow, extending its tendrils to the trees surrounding us. The trees shrunk to the size of humans and began twisting themselves into the shape of humans. With one flick of the witch’s wrist they took the look of humans. My eyes flicked across the faces of the people now surrounding me. I did recognize a few of them, mostly the more recent people who had been victim to the curse. 

“Such beautiful people,” The witch glided around the people. “I’m sad to see them go. They were such amazingly talented people but, they hurt me. They took the eye of my lovely husband.”

“Husband?” I looked around the faces of the members of the 27 Club. Tears of blood ran down their faces. One even reached out to me but the witch snapped his wrist instead breaking his hand off, sparks flying out instead of blood.

She didn’t answer me at all as if she was deaf. I looked back behind me, the forest behind gone. All that was left was a void of darkness. My eyes shifted back to the woman but she was gone. The members all went up in a burst of bright yellow flames. I covered my eyes from the light. The heat scalded my face and forearm.

~

“Noah,” Dean’s voice woke me up before the movement of him shaking me did. “Noah, you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Of course I’m fine. What happened,” My voice was groggy with sleep. I grabbed the a shirt off of the ground and wrapped it around my chest. 

“You were tossing and turning, saying something about a witch.” The walls weren’t thin by any means and Dean was down the hall from me.

“How did you hear me?” Dean’s eyes searched mine as if looking for something to do. 

“I…uh…I sat outside of your room. I was worried for you. You’ve been off lately.”

“Well so have you, Dean,” I sat up in my bed. Dean sat down next to me. I wrapped the blanket around the both of us. “When I met you, you were this tough, badass twenty something. Now you’re so worn down, you don’t even want to get back to the fun of hunting monsters. I mean, should you and Sam even be doing this anymore?”

“We shouldn’t be but we do anyways because who else would do this if we’re gone?”

The answer was clear, “Me, people like me. The younger generation. Without you or Sam there is nothing. We need your intelligence just like you needed Bobby.” 

Dean took a deep breath, “Well, I guess you’re kind of right about that squirt but that ain’t gonna stop us from doing the hunts we need to and right now you need us yo do this hunt with you, yeah?” 

“Well yeah, of course. I need you to help me, though I don’t think Cas is totally on board just yet, think he needs more convincing.”

“Well duh but I don’t think it will take much more convincing than you did. Why did you want me to convince you?”

“I wanted to see if you could do it,” Dean smiled at me and leaned into me. 

“Oh, okay,” I leaned against the man and held onto the hope that I could go back to sleep. “What time is it?”

Dean checked his watch, “About three in the morning.” I nodded lightly and laid back down, my feet on Dean’s lap. 

“I need to go back to sleep Dean.” I kept the blanket and shirt wrapped around my chest. 

“Want me to stay here?” I nodded as Dean stripped off his shirt and tossed it to the side. 

Dean placed a kiss on my forehead and smiled at me. Dean pulled the blanket over the two of us and curled into my body. We went from hugging to sharing the same bed within a span of less than forty-eight hours. It felt odd but comforting at the same time. He was warmer than me. I curled into the shirt and held it flush against my chest, the only secret I wanted to keep was one slip away from being exposed. 

“Hey Dean. You still awake,” Dean grunted. “Do you think it’s possible for me to be psychic?”

“Why don’t you ask Sammy tomorrow morning?” Dean pulled me closer to him. I nodded and closed my eyes.


	4. Three

“Hey Sammy. I’ve got a question for you,” I leaned against the doorway to the kitchen. Sam held a mug of coffee in his hands. He turned his attention to me. 

“Yeah, go ahead,” A sly smile appeared on his face and I assumed that he would be answering a question about Dean.

“Do you think I could be some form of psychic?” The mug wobbled in Sam’s hands. 

“What brings this about Noah?” I took the mug out of Sam’s hands, took a sip and set it down on the countertop. 

“I had…I had a dream last night about a witch and the fire…the fire wasn’t normal fire…I’m pretty sure it was hellfire.”

“Noah, you saw hellfire,” Sam took his mug off of the counter and took another sip of his coffee. “Even I never saw that except when I went to hell.”

“I don’t know Sam but you’re the only one who has seen visions of the future and I think I can see into the past as well or communicate with these people.” 

“What did you see besides the hellfire?” Sam passed the mug to me. I raised it to my lips and took a taste of the now slightly lukewarm coffee.

“The people who died Sam, the people in the…,” Sam nodded and looked at the mug in my hands. I passed it back letting him take a sip before I made my own cup of coffee. “The witch…she entered my dream and said she was able to enter using this spell but I don’t believe that at all. I don’t think she jumped into my dream like Cas can but I was summoned by her or I jumped to where she is.” 

“We should ask Cas about this and try and get him on board.” Sam reheated his coffee in the microwave. 

“Can I have some,” Dean rested his head on my shoulder and gave me puppy dog eyes.

I lifted the cup to his lips and let him take a small sip of my coffee. Dean let a small moan. I smiled lightly as I pulled the mug from his lips. Dean smiled at me as he wrapped his arms around my waist. Sam glared at me then at Dean. Dean’s grip on my waist loosened. Sam smiled and turned back to his coffee. 

“Well then, what’s up your ass Sammy,” Dean asked coyly with his head still on my shoulder. 

“Nothing Dean,” Sam got eggs out of the fridge. His eyes darted to mine. “I’m okay.”

“Well, it seems like you got a stick up your ass,” Dean smiled and pushed his body off of mine. 

“I’m fine Dean, okay?” 

Dean raised his hands in defeat, “Okay.”

~

“Cas, I know you’re not fully on board with this and I think we need your help more than you think. There was…I had this dream with a witch last night and I think she’s beginning to learn how to imitate what angels can do. I don’t think she’s fully ready to take over as a pseudo angel but…” 

“I still don’t think this is the case for us, Noah,” My shoulders dropped. “It’s just too dangerous to all of us. We can’t just change time and the future like this. Who knows what can happen.”

“Do you want a powerful witch who is learning how to imitate angels running around?”

“Well no…,” Cas shot a worried look to Dean who nodded. Sam looked like he was going to cry if Cas didn’t agree to coming with us.

“Then you must join us for the sake of your brothers and sisters…however many of them are left. If she can figure out how to become an angel by power alone, you need to get her as much as I need to figure out why she cursed the people.”

Cas sighed as he rubbed his temples, “Alright, alright. I will join you but only because it’s dangerous for someone like her to gain the powers of an angel.”

I sighed as well but more out of relief then out of frustration, “Thank you Cas.” 

I walked over and wrapped my arms around his shoulders and pressed his head against my chest. 

“Well, it didn’t look like I had much of a choice either way.” 

I pulled away from Cas and shot Dean a smile. 

“Good job kid, you did it. You got all three of us on board,” Sam and Cas grunted. “Not very enthusiastically but you got us.” 

~

“We can’t just go in blind and I know that’s how we end up getting killed so…,” I dumped the binder onto the table. Dean’s eyes widened as I flipped through the laminated pages.

“You really did a lot more than I expected,” Dean reached out to touch a few pages but I swatted it away. 

“I got bored in class one day and feel down the rabbit hole.” Sam watched in awe as I flipped through the pages. 

“I don’t know how I’m going to get around with this thing but we’re going to have to make it work. It’s like our cheat sheet. But what I was saying was that we need a plan of attack. The witch wants to destroy these people’s lives and we need to stop her as best we can before she can get to all of them.”

“What happens if she gets to all of them,” Sam tried to take a peak inside but I closed the binder before he couldn’t see anymore.

“Well for one, she’ll just keep claiming more and more lives which I think might be the source of her newfound powers.”

“You think she might be taking these lives because of some sort of power she gets when they die?”

“Well, there’s a lot of power behind the number 27. It’s when your whole life changes because that’s when the planets return to the position they were in when you were born and I think the power of that plus the celebrity of these people make for some powerful mojo.”

“Which is why she’s going after these people instead of normal people,” Cas smiled as he interjected. 

“Well, of course and I think we can help…” My eyes scanned the room as I took a deep breath. Dean reached around and rubbed the small of my back. “Can we please get back to our plan of attack?”

Dean puffed out his chest, “Yeah. Let’s hear Noah out. This is the first hunt he’s lead and we have to give him some respect.”

“I’m thinking about using Cas’ time powers, if he’s up to it, to send us back to the first person on the list. It’s no use to head to the most recent person on the list and see what happened to them. We need to cut her off at the source.”

“I think I might be able to muster up enough power if I can have a few days to rest.”

“Thank you Cas, we’ll give you some time to rest before we head out. If there is anything we can do to help, just let us know.”

With that, we all dispersed. Sam went to go read in his room and Cas went to go rest up, where I assumed he would be for a few days, which left Dean and I alone in the library. Dean rocked on the balls of his feet with his eyes drifting around. I did the same, hoping that one of us would speak. I smiled lightly once I caught the man’s eyes. 

“So, are you sure you want to do this with me? It’s not going to be easy and I know that some of these deaths…they’re not pretty.”

Dean placed a hand on my shoulder, “Noah, I know you and how smart you are. I know that whatever case you choose is going to be an amazing case.” 

“I just want to make sure you are okay with joining me. I don’t think that it’s the best case to start off on and I don’t think Cas or Sam will go along with it.”

“I will be right behind you all the way. They won’t second guess you if I’m your right hand man.” A cocky smile appeared on Dean’s face with his eyes moving to mine.

My heart raced when his eyes met mine. Dean was the only person I could ever look straight into the eyes. Everyone else, I would look slightly to the left or the right of their eyes. But Dean was different. When I looked into his eyes, I remembered the night he saved me, the night he gave me my courage. 

~

“Shh, you’re okay, you’re okay.” Dean pulled me into his chest. His green eyes shifted around the room as my mom stomped around above us. I couldn’t stop the tears that were rolling out of my eyes. “Is this what they do to you when people aren’t here?”

Dean’s eyes shifted down to me. I nodded, finding the words I needed was too hard mentally. My sister was dead asleep in the other room and never heard Dean climbing into my room late some nights. He had done this multiple times over the years, even after he and his brother got the ghost out of the house. 

“Mom doesn’t love me. Mom hates me. Mom yells at me.” 

It sounded childish but that was the only thing I could get out. My mom and I had gotten in a fight about her boyfriend who is twenty years younger than him and only a few years older than me. He had gotten into my room a few times but I had waved a knife at him a few times to scare him. 

“Want me to give her a good punch in the face for you,” Dean raised an eyebrow. I chuckled. It was a wet sort of laugh as I wrapped my arms around his waist. 

“I’m sorry for calling you out this late but she is acting like a pissy teenager. I want to move out if she brings this man home again. I want to go to my dad’s but I’m worried about the cats. She’s always said she hated them and that she can’t wait to get rid of them. If I move out I’d have to come and get them a few days later and I don’t know what she’ll do with them in those few days.”

“Well, you always have a place on the road with the two of us,” This offer always came when he came here. I knew I might join them one day but something stopped me. 

“Maybe after college. I already have enough credits so I think I can finish a lot earlier than what you may expect.” 

“You’re a smart cookie. I never went to college, took care of Sammy instead.”

“And now you’re taking care of me.” I chuckled again and wiped a few spare tears off of my cheeks.

“Well, you are my baby girl…,” I shuddered at the title. Dean looked at me, eyes scanning over me. “My baby boy.”

My mom’s steps thudded down the stairs. My body tensed up, “You have to go Dean.”

I shot up and opened my window with my eyes darting behind me. I dragged Dean behind me and pushed him out of the window. My mom’s footsteps got closer and closer. Dean paused and locked me in the eyes one last time. My heart raced at the thought of my mom catching Dean and I. Quickly, I placed my lips to Dean’s then I closed the window and jumped back into bed, closing my eyes before my head even hit the pillow. 

The next morning, I awoke to the familiar scent of whiskey, apple pie and gunpowder. I half expected Dean to have broken back in once my mom left. Instead, my hands gripped a familiar feeling of worn, beaten leather. A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth as I curled into the jacket. 

~

“What’s up kiddo?” Dean’s eyes scanned mine and waved a hand in front of my face and forcing me to blink. “You’re staring into space.”

“I have something to give back to you,” I rushed into my room and dug around the back of my closet and touched the same worn leather that I knew more than anything else, taking it back to Dean in the library. “I think you missed this.”

Dean touched the leather jacket and took it from my hands. I smiled as he sniffed the jacket, “This smells like me from like five years ago. It smells like-”

We finished the sentence at the same time, a heat creeping to my cheeks, “Whiskey, apple pie and gunpowder.” 

“I’m surprised the scent lasted as long as it has. I wore it during college and said that it was my boyfriends…” Dean smiled cockily as he set the jacket on the table behind him. 

“I was your fake boyfriend? I’m honored. What was the story of how we met?” Dean leaned against a table, crossing his arms. 

The heat in my cheeks became hotter as I looked down at my hands, “Well, you were a mechanic that worked back in my hometown which I made-up. You were really nice to me, high school sweetheart which I would run away with after graduating.”

“High school sweetheart,” Dean pushed himself off the table and stood in front of me, looking down at me. “Does that still mean that you’re my baby boy?” Dean snacked his arm around my waist. 

“Well…I haven’t thought about it in awhile but I guess I still am.” Dean smirked and pulled me flush to his chest. He bent down and kissed my forehead.

“We can’t tell Sam…he’s like a bloodhound of love. That and does he even know about everything?” 

“He doesn’t know about the whole bisexual situation, no,” I pulled away. 

“And why haven’t you told him?” Dean had promised me that he would eventually tell Sam about his ‘big dark secret’.

“It’s never been the right time, but I promise I will tell him as soon as I can, okay?” Dean placed a quick kiss on my forehead. “Well, why don’t you help me make lunch, little one?”

“You know how weird those petnames make me feel. They seem so…weird.”

“Then what do you want me to call you, Noah?” I followed Dean into the kitchen. 

“Anything besides calling me kiddo or little one…at least in private, it feels weird to me.”

Dean kissed my forward once more as he washed his hands, “Okay doll, I’ll make sure you only get called that in front of Sammy or Cas.”

The thudding of footsteps echoing down the hall pulled the two of us apart. Dean dropped his head and focused on his hands. I went into the library and caught Sam in the process of looking at the jacket Dean had left. 

“Dean lost this thing years ago, where did he find it?” Sam brandished the jacket in my face. 

“I don’t know, you’ll have to ask him instead of me.” I could feel Sam’s eyes on me as I headed outside to walk around. 

~

“Do you finally feel ready, Cas?” The angel nodded. “Good, we don’t have much time.”

“What the hell do you mean by that? We got a time limit now?” Dean shot me a look. 

“No, I just don’t think we can wait anymore. There’s a lot of people turning 27 everyday in Hollywood and I don’t want anyone else to die at this bitch’s hands.”

Cas lifted his head, “Does everyone remember the rule?”

“Get home before we hit the 90s.”

“And why is that?”

“So we don’t mess up our own timeline.”

“Good.”

Cas stepped up and held his hand in front of my face, fingers hovering over my forehead. “Are you ready?” 

I had never done this before, Cas’ time traveling days were long gone as soon as I joined the team. 

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” 

I adjusted the bag on my back and waited for his tap. Dean smiled happily as he squeezed my hand in his. 

“You’ll do great,” He whispered in my ear. I smiled lightly and took a deep breath, Cas’s skin touching my forehead. 

~

I looked around but had to turn my head to see to my right. Let’s hope this worked. The clapping of hooves on cobblestone confirmed my fears. I slipped into an alleyway and waited with bated breath for the others to show up. My chest heaved. Please don’t make me do this alone Dean. Don’t make me do this alone. My eyes drifted the sky in a silent prayer. 

“You thought we were going to leave you, kiddo? I can’t believe you would think that,” Dean chuckled.

Three distinct hands were placed on my shoulders. One was large and rough, Dean. There was a smaller but still calloused hand was Cas. The largest hand belonged to Dean. I rested my left hand on my opposite shoulder. The hands moved away and Sam appeared on my left side. He smiled, the only one who seemed to remember that I couldn’t see out of one eye.

“Well, I was thinking you would just dump me here with nothing other my wits and this bag.”

“I’m not going to leave you kiddo,” Dean moved around into my line of sight.

“Dean, you are a weirdo but now we have to get into more appropriate. Did you guys see any place to get changed?” I tilted my head to either side. 

“We could just change here,” Sam offered. Dean and I shifted on our feet, exchanging a look. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea Sammy,” The younger brother nodded and checked the street.

He pointed to a small, abandoned shop, “There we go. Perfect place to change.”

Dean took my hand and crossed the slightly busy street, dogging people and horses like the expert that he was. Sam shot us a weird look but kept going. I knew we were at least a bit caught with the weird stares that we were getting from a few of the patrons from other shops. I took watch with Cas as Dean broke into the store, dragging me in after him. Cas raised an eyebrow as I surveyed the store for any sort of dressing room. Sam and Dean immediately began stripping, grabbing a few clothes that were left on the rack. 

My eyes landed on a curtain and rushed over to it, gripping fabric on the way. Cas just stood in the middle of the store and looked at the three of us, my head popping up above the curtain. I smiled at the angel and desperately pulled off my bag and clothing. Dean was a lot quicker at dressing himself, walking over to me as I continued to dress myself. 

“See those weird looks Cas and Sam are giving me? Think they’re on to me?” I shot looks to both the angel and the other brother. 

“Nah, I don’t think they’re going to figure it out unless you tell them yourself.”

“I know that but they’re a lot smarter than I think they let on and it’s not that hard to figure out that I’m…,” My voice dropped to a whisper that only Dean and I could hear. “Trans.”

“What if they do? It’s not like you wouldn’t be accepted by them or any other hunter.”

“My whole reputation as a hunter rides on being a man. If people find out I was born a woman then my reputation might crumble.”

I backed up as Dean pushed his way through the curtain to stand in front of me. The pants I had grabbed were already on but my shirt was off. My hands touched the scars on my chest. There were more scars than the two that signified the removal of my breasts and the continuous beatings I received from my mother. Dean didn’t even look down at them. He just looked me straight in the eyes. He smiled at me and rested his hands on my shoulders. Tears stung at my eyes as I looked him over. He wore a tweed suit that much resembled what I had seen from the time. 

“I’m not going to let that happen, okay? I have your back every step of the way but if you decide to come out,” Dean placed a kiss on my forehead. 

“Now get out, I have to finish changing,” I shooed Dean through the curtain and smiled. He kept watching as I pulled on the last few pieces of the suit. 

“Damn, looking good Noah.” Dean smiled at me as I stepped out, revealing my look.

“You look amazing,” Sam smiled at me, tapping my shoulder. “Now where do we put these clothes?” In his hands were the clothes he and Dean had taken off. Cas stepped into the dressing room and began dressing. 

“I’ll keep them in my bag, give them to me.” I extended my hand, waiting for Sam to give me their clothes. I shoved them into my bag along with my clothes. 

“Well, aren’t you going to get changed?” Dean snarked, turning our attention to the angel in the dressing room. Cas hadn’t moved since he went into the dressing room. 

“Come on Cas, we need you to hurry it up,” The angel moved and pulled on the suit he had chosen. 

Dean’s eyes kept scanning my body, smiling at me. I shifted under his gaze and turned to Sam. The younger brother glared at me, tapping his feet to the beat of whatever song he had stuck in his head. I tossed the bag over my shoulder and rushed the brothers out of the store and into the street. The angel came out of the store. 

“Who’s the first on on the list?” Dean shot me a look as I kept moving down the street. 

“Alexandre Levy, a pianist and composer who came to New York to give a concert for an upper class party. As soon as he finished his concert, he went into his dressing room and died under mysterious circumstances.”

“You didn’t even have to look,” Dean raised an eyebrow. “I’m impressed.” 

“Again, it took a lot more research than you think.” I tapped my temple and began scanning the walls of buildings and their contents for any sign of where to find the party that was going to be happening that night.

“Think it’s invite only?” Dean walked along my left side, hand brushing against mine softly. 

“Most likely, I think we should see if we can sneak in instead of just waiting for the invite because I don’t think that’s going to happen,” My eyes drifted over the trio, scanning them over.

A woman giggled, her sounds taking my eyes off of the trio. As she and her friend walked past all of us, their guardians walked a few steps behind the two. I turned my eyes to woman as she brought a fan to her face, eyeing Dean. Dean smirked with a chuckle leaving his mouth before his eyes turned back to me. A surge of anger coursed through my veins as the woman walked up to Dean. Her dress was a baby pink with her matching fan that had her 

“Aren’t you a handsome fellow.” The woman extended her hand for Dean to take. Dean shot me a look before taking the woman’s hand and kissed it. 

“Thank you miss…” Dean paused, awaiting the young woman’s name. I clenched my fist as she shot a look at the me. 

“Miss Elizabeth Williams and who might you all be?” A soft southern drawl accented her voice.

“James, James Winchester,” Dean smiled and pointed to Sam. “This is my brother Samuel Winchester.”

“And the others?” The woman peaked over her fan and looked at the two of us. 

“Charles Williams,” I extended a hand to the woman but she only gave it a passing glance. “And this is my cousin, George Williams.”

“My, my, my. Handsome Winchester boys. Any relation to Oliver Winchester?” The woman smiled as she rocked back and forth. Her guardians looked at me and smiled lightly, their eyes scanning my body.

“Hey, Noah, are you okay?” Cas’ voice was low as he pulled me off to the side and out of earshot of the women and anyone who could hear.

“Yeah, I’m okay dude. Are you okay?” I chuckled, avoiding eye contact with the angel. 

“Well, you never seem to look people in the eyes. For the entire time I’ve known you, you never looked someone in the eyes besides Dean and those guys…” 

“I know, I know. I never looked anyone in the eyes before, don’t get offended by it. It’s just something I’ve always done,” Cas tilted his head to the side and attempted to look me in my eyes but I avoided. “Even before I lost part of my eyesight, I couldn’t look anyone in the eyes properly and I never got diagnosed with anything besides anxiety so I guess it’s just a symptom of that.”

Cas tapped my shoulder and smiled, “I am here for you.” 

I smiled at the angel and shot a look at Dean who was flirting with the woman. Dean wasn’t mine but it still stung to see him flirting with someone that wasn’t me. 

“Thank you Cas,” I smiled at the angel once more, looking over my shoulder to see if Dean was done yet. Sam caught my eye and smiled apologetically. I smiled at him as well and turned back to Cas. 

“You like Dean don’t you?” Cas tilted his head to the side. A woman shot us a look as she passed us. I groaned and pulled Cas off into an alleyway. 

“Shhh, Cas, you can’t say shit like that out loud. We can’t just go around dropping gay shit like that now, do you want me to get killed?”

“No, of course not,” Cas frowned. “But do you like him? I know Sam has been asking and that you won’t open up to him about it.” 

“Cas, if I did like him and if I did tell you, you’d probably just tell Sam as soon as you got a straight answer. Also, Dean isn’t even remotely attracted to men.”

“But he has flirted with men before…,” Cas trailed off as I placed a hand on his shoulder. 

“Flirting and actually acting on it are completely different things.”

“But-,” I put a hand on Cas’ mouth as a man walked past the two of us. 

“But nothing Cas, drop the subject or I swear on your father that I will actually kill you.” 

I walked back out onto the street. Sam and Dean were still talking to the women in the middle of the street. Anger bubbled in my chest as I walked up to the Winchester brothers. I gripped Dean’s shoulder and yanked him back. A small gasp left Dean’s mouth as I pulled him into the alleyway. The woman let out a soft grunt as her foot lifted off of the ground and slammed back down onto the bricks. Small, moron sparks flew out of her dress. 

“Dean, stop flirting and think about the case.” 

A cocky smile was still painted on his face. I rolled my eyes as Sam shot me a look. As soon as Dean caught my eye, his cocky smile faded from his face and concern grew in his eyes.

“Dean got us a way into the party tonight. You two will have to sneak in but Dean and I got an invite so we were in productive,” Sam held up two pieces of paper, a smile painted on his face.

“Well, let’s get to it. We need to find a put down our stuff. I can’t keep carrying around this bag anymore. Well, that and my arthritis is going to act up if I keep standing like this as well.” 

I lifted the straps of the bag and adjusted them, the weight already getting to my back. Dean held out a hand. I smiled at the man as I took the bag off of my shoulder and handed it to the man. Dean took the bag and tossed it over his shoulder like it was nothing. I smiled and looked at him as we walked over to the sidewalk. Sam’s eyes followed the two of us. Dean’s free hand kept trying to find mine and hold it without outright holding it. Even I wanted to hold his hand but with the stares from Cas and Sam, I didn’t feel comfortable with is just yet. 

“Hey Dean?” Dean grunted. “Can I use you as a bit of a cane for awhile while we search for a place? I need some help.” 

“Yeah, of course.” 

Dean’s voice was all too happy at the request of holding hands. I could see a smile begin to appear on his face as I held onto his elbow. I placed my hand on his shoulder and smiled lightly at the man. 

We walked around town for about an hour before we found an abandoned house with enough room for all of us but there were only two bedrooms, which I didn’t think was uncommon for the time. After a bit of debate it was decided Dean and I would share a room and Sam and Cas would share a room. Sam did put up a bit of a fight but when I put my foot down about the rooming situation, Sam backed down.

“I don’t know what to do about Sam and Cas,” I looked at Dean as I unpacked my bag and tossed Dean’s clothes to him. 

“We could always tell them that we’re together,” Dean shrugged as he set the clothes on the nightstand next to him. 

“Are you ready to come out though? Because that’s what you’re going to have to do if we just outright tell them.” 

“No, not totally but if you really want to stop hiding our relationship then I would be happy to come out of the closet.” Dean chuckled, holding his jacket in his hands.

“Honestly, you don’t have to do that for me,” Dean extended his hand to me and smiled lightly when I took his hand. 

“But I can if you ever want to just tell Sam and Cas, okay? I…,” Dean took a deep breath. “I love you so damn much.” 

“Hold up, did you just say that you loved me,” Dean nodded and I could barely contain my excitement. Dean’s eyes scanned me for a response. “I love you too idiot.” 

Dean walked around the foot of the bed and wrapped his arms around me. I smiled as I wrapped my arms around his body, inhaling his scent. For once in my life, I felt as safe as I could feel ever. Dean was the only one who made me feel safe. Of course I felt safe with Sam and Cas but they both had something about them that made me uneasy. Sam had that stint with the demon blood and Cas was an angel. 

“I love you Noah, you’re the first guy I ever had feelings for and one of the only people I had the dream of a white picket fence dream with.” Dean pulled back, tears in his eyes. I wiped them from his face. Dean chuckled, kissing my forehead. 

“Come on, we have a case to finish. No time for fluff,” Dean smiled at me and giggled. 

~

Cas and I stood outside of a house with our eyes on a window that Sam was supposed to pick the lock to. The angel and I stood in mostly silent. My breath hung in the air as I looked around. Cas stood completely still, an unnerving to sight to anyone who saw. The angel didn’t even look at me until the lights in the room shifted. Sam waved to the both of us and we made our way to the window, giving him enough time to open the window and open it up. 

“Hey Sam, mind hurrying it up next time? I could’ve gotten frostbite.” I rubbed my cheeks, feeling the sting of cold against my now mush warmer name. 

“Come on, we don’t have time for petty fights right now. Alexandre is about to perform,” Sam waved us into the living room. 

Dean smiled at me as I stood next to him and our hands almost immediately took hold of each other. Cas took a position next to Sam. A man sat next to the piano, his posture so perfect that he looked like a mannequin. He was cleanly shaven all except for a handlebar mustache. His hair was kept short and his skin was pale, but slightly darker then Dean or Sam. He had dark eyes that scanned the room, cane in hand. His eyes landed on me and he smiled lightly before his eyes shifted to the woman who had invited the brothers. She coyly shot the pianist a look and the man turned on his seat to face the keys of the piano. 

“Sam, you and Cas take the girl’s friend, keep an eye on her. Dean and I will take the girl he talked to today. I have a sneaking suspicion that one of the two is the witch we’re looking for.” Sam nodded stiffly and took Cas around the room towards the girls friend. 

“You look amazing Noah.” 

Dean turned to scan my newest outfit that I had changed into. It was a red velvet dress that I had changed into to get any and all eyes off of me. 

“I better. This thing is uncomfortable as shit.” 

The dress had been stolen from a shop that was going out of business. My hair fell in soft curls around my face which I normally kept up. I hadn’t had much of a change on testosterone so my face could look feminine with the bit of makeup I had packed in my bag. 

Dean’s eyes scanned the room for the woman he had met in the streets that afternoon as the man began to playing a song I didn’t recognize. People began to pair off and dance to the music. I placed my hand delicately on his elbow and walked with him. My eyes moved around the house with Dean’s in hopes to find the woman. Pain shot through my body as I walked around the house, brushing elbows with some of the people dancing around. 

Dean stopped and held me in front of him. He bowed lightly as he took my hand in his and looked up at me. 

“May I have this dance Miss Hudson?” 

I didn’t shudder at the title, pushing all thoughts of appearing this way to the back of my mind. It was only this time and then I would be free of the confines of the femininity that I ran from. 

“Yes, yes you may Mr. Winchester,” Dean came out of his bow and smiled at me. He began to sway with me around the room. I smiled at him as well as he pulled me closer to him. 

“You know, one day I hope that you will be Mr. Winchester too,” Dean whispered in my ear. A heat came to my cheeks as my stomach filled with butterflies. My eyes dropped to the floor and looked at the hardwood instead of around me. 

“Dean, hush. We only just started seeing each other. Can we get to our first anniversary before we start talking marriage?” 

“Okay, okay, we’ll revisit that later,” Dean began spinning us around so that I could get a better look around the house and the sea of people that filled the house. The woman whom Dean had met earlier caught my eye. 

“She’s here, ten o’clock.” I whispered into Dean’s ears. Dean nodded, pulling away from me. “Good luck.”

“Hoover near me incase this goes south, yeah?” I nodded and peeled out of the dancers and clung to the wall near the woman and Dean. 

Dean and the woman danced for awhile before the music stopped and Alexandre moved about the crowd freely. I didn’t catch Sam or Cas’ faces through the duration of the party. I kept my eyes on the woman as Dean and I walked around. We kept in close proximity to the woman in hopes of catching any sort of tidbits of information.

“Tonight’s the perfect night to get in contact with the dark lord, Samantha.” Elizabeth’s familiar drawl stuck out amongst the chatter of people around us. My ears perked up as I tapped Dean on his shoulder. “We could use Mr. Levy’s blood for a sacrifice.” 

“Elizabeth, that is just impolite. We should ask him first, don’t you think?”

“Where the hell is Sammy, shouldn’t he be keeping an eye on her?” My voice was low enough for just enough for Dean to hear. 

“I don’t know my love but we have to keep an eye on both of them now until we get ahold of Sam.”

We followed the pair back to a room hidden far from the party. A soft smile appeared on Dean’s face. I knew he was loving this literal witch hunt. My dress dragged on the floor and made a soft rustling sound when I walked. I lifted the hem of the skirt above my ankles in hopes of making myself just a bit more silent. The women didn’t seem to mind the noise as they stepped into the room. I placed my ear to the door, listening in on their conversation but only got muffled whispers instead. 

“I can’t hear anything,” I lifted my ear up off of the door, coming face to face with the man. 

Our lips almost touched as my one good eye scanned the older man’s face. Dean looked around, not catching anyone around us before placing a kiss on my lips. My heart fluttered as I placed my hands on either side of Dean’s face. I inhaled Dean’s scent and pulled away after a short while. My eyes flicked around us. I didn’t want to get caught by Cas or Sam. Once I noticed that no one was around us, I let out a soft sigh. 

“I hope we get more of these kisses soon enough,” Dean muttered as I stepped away from the doorway, hearing the lock turn. 

I pinched my cheeks quickly and leaned against Dean, chuckling. The women walked out of the room and shot me a look. Samantha’s face squinted in recognition upon seeing Dean. 

“Is this room going to be unoccupied now?” I slurred. 

Elizabeth nodded and gestured for the both of us to go into the room. I smiled and dragged Dean in, stumbling into it. I locked the door swiftly behind us as I began looking around the room for the both of us. 

“Come on slowpoke. They have to have left something in here of importance.” I began digging through the drawers of a dresser and nightstand near me. 

“Okay, captain.” Dean smiled and began digging around the room. I kept looking into the drawers and dresser. “Well look what we got here.”

I turned, looking at Dean and what he heard in his hands. I smiled at the glint of an angel blade in his hands. I took it from him and inspected the condition of the blade. I took note of how new it looked. I tucked it into the corset of my dress and turned back around to keep digging through the dresser and drawers. I peeled back the layers of clothing showed inside. Behind a red pair of undergarments a small bit of etching revealed itself.

“Dean…” My voice was shaky as I stepped back from the dresser. Dean was by my side almost immediately. “It’s the same…”

“It’s the same thing we found on the bodies…do you think this marks the place where they died?” 

I shook my head, “I have no idea until I get back to the hotel and see my notes but I think it might be. Or it might bring the ‘dark lord’ to the surface.” 

“Lucifer?” I tilted my head to the side and kept moving around the room, looking for any sort of other clues. 

The clacking of heels on wood flooring turned my attention from the dresser to the door. Dean tensed as well. My attention turned to the bed. Dean having the same idea, flopped onto the bed and tasseled his hair. I went over and straddled his lap, placing my lips on Dean’s neck. The knob turned and the wood door creaked open. Both of the girls we had seen this morning walked in with a clearly inebriated Alexandre. 

“Can you guys please get out?” Elizabeth’s southern drawl had clearly gone missing from her voice. Dean’s hands moved from my waist and smiled.

“Of course Miss.” Dean and I stood from the bed, walking out of the room. Elizabeth closed the door behind her, leaving a small crack that I don’t think she intended to. 

Dean tried to walk away but I grabbed his elbow and yanked him back. His feet thudded against the floor but Elizabeth seemed to be deaf to the sound. He turned his body and looked through the door with me as Elizabeth searched around the room. 

“Where’s the blade Samantha?” Alexandre’s eyes darted around the room, his eyes widening in panic. 

“I don’t know,” Samantha looked around the room, searching the dresser and nightstand. “Where did you put it?”

“It was in my dresser, Samantha and now it’s not here.” Elizabeth raised her hand and tossed Alexandre onto the bed with no force necessary just like I had seen before with demons or the angels that hated us. 

Alexandre struggled against the invisible restrains that held him down. Elizabeth groaned and walked towards the door. I pulled Dean back, pushing him against the wall and kissing him aggressively. Dean smiled at me as my eyes followed Elizabeth as she stomped down the hall. Dean held a hand against my corset, the cool metal pressing against my hot skin. The group inside the living room screamed, an orange glow coming from the same area. 

“Well fuck,” I tilted my head towards the light. Dean’s hands pulled away from my waist. 

I rushed towards the light coming from the living room. Dean followed close behind me. The dress, while very pretty, was cumbersome and not necessary for fighting. I pulled myself to the side and took the knife out of my corset. The familiar sound of cloth tearing from itself. Dean smiled at me as I walked out of the corner. The dress was now above my knees. While everyone was scrambling to get out of the house, women’s screams piercing the air. Some men grabbed knives out of the kitchen. Sam and I caught eyes across the room. In an instant, we jumped into action. 

Elizabeth stood in the middle of the room with her arms extended in a cross stance. An orange glow extended off of her body. Cas stood in a bit of a trance. Dean smiled as I jumped into action. I grabbed her arm and pulled her to the ground. Elizabeth yelped in shock. Her body made a crack against the ground. I straddled her waist and pinned her arms to the ground. 

“Where’s the blade?” Elizabeth’s voice was low and animalistic, her body struggling against my grip. 

“You’re not getting the blade back, you don’t deserve to get the blade back. Do you know how powerful that blade is?”

“Of course I know how powerful that blade is, now where is it?” Elizabeth kept struggling against me as Sam helped get the partygoers out of the way of danger. Cas still stood in his trance, eyes locked on the wall ahead of him.

“Dean, get Cas to safety,” I grunted as I struggled against Elizabeth’s strength. 

Dean hesitated for a moment, “What about you? Are you going to be okay?”

“Yes, now go,” I yelled. A look of shock crossed Dean’s face. Dean stepped back, looking ay me. Elizabeth’s eyes glowed a bright red. I blinked, looking away for just a moment, just enough time for Elizabeth to gain the upper hand. Her fist connected with my face, knocking me back. 

“What the fuck?” I placed a hand on my cheek, feeling the sticky blood on my face. 

“Where. Is. The. Blade.” Her voice was off, not human and not demonic either. It was somewhere in between the two. Her eyes scanned my body, looking for the blade. 

“You don’t have to do this, Elizabeth. You don’t have to go down this path.” 

Elizabeth raised her hand. My body lifted off the ground and slammed into the wall. A loud snap echoed across the walls. I groaned, standing up. I stumbled over to Elizabeth and raised a hand, connecting my fist to her face but nothing happened. I shook my hand out in hopes to get the bones in my hand back to what they were before but pain seared through my hands. 

“We need to go,” Samantha walked out of the room, blood on her dress. Elizabeth nodded, slamming my body against the wall once more.

A bright rainbow of colors filled the room. I looked up, facing the light. Wind rushed past me and a portal sucked up everything in sight. I lifted a hand to shield my face and eyes from the light. Elizabeth stepped back into the portal, waving goodbye to me. Samantha followed close behind her, also waving goodbye to me. My body slammed to the ground. I stood, stumbling through the house towards the back room where Samantha had come out of.

Alexandre was locked to the bed. His eyes staring blankly up at the ceiling. His torso was opened up, organs spilling out of his body. My eyes kept scanning the body as I quickly put the organs back into his body. I quickly cleaned up the blood and stitched the man up, stroking his hair back into place. I mumbled a quick enchantment to make the stitches disappear. The house was silent as soon as I finished the job. 

“What happened?” I turned to the sound of the voice. Dean was out of breath, his chest heaving as I stumbled over to him. 

“Don’t uh…don’t worry about it. We have to go,” I moved towards the window and jimmied it open. 

“You’re hurt.” Dean’s voice wavered as I swung a leg over the window sill. 

“Dean, we’re not supposed to be here at all. We need to go, we’ll figure out my situation as soon as we are far away from this house.”

I climbed out of the house and into the now freezing cold air. I wrapped my arms around my body, shivering. I lifted my attention to Dean, who was still standing in the room. He pointed to the body and lifted his eyebrow. I shook my head and waved for him to come outside. His shoulders slumped and he swung out of the window. 

“What the fuck happened to him?” I walked around the house and into the crowd where Sam was trying to calm them down but it didn’t seem to be much help. 

Cas wasn’t in his tranced state anymore and was walking around freely. The crowd was growing larger with shouts coming from a few people. I turned to Cas and walked towards him, pulling him away from the crowd. Sam was still attempting to calm the crowd.

“Dean, get your brother before he gets hurt.” Dean nodded and grabbed his brother out of the crowd. 

“Everything good back there?” Dean shot a look at me, bruises now forming on my arms. 

“Let’s just head back and I will explain everything then. Right now it’s just not safe.”

~

I stripped of my dress, revealing the extent of my injuries. My back was all bruised up. I most likely broke a rib but I hoped it would heal soon. Dean’s eyes scanned my body as he held a rag in his hands. Sam brought up a bowl of water along with some whiskey. Cas looked at my body as well as I took a few shallow breaths. I clutched the torn fabric of my dress up to my chest and waited until Dean waved the two out of the room, leaving just Dean and I. 

“Had a nice little tussle with her, didn’t you?” Dean smiled at me as he began to help me. The pain seared through my body as the water hit some of my open wounds. 

“Yeah, slammed me against the wall with so much force. I think she’s more powerful than I originally thought.” 

I reached over to the bag, carefully pulling out the binder. The pages slipped through my fingers as I attempted to figure out the pieces to the puzzle. Dean sat down next to me and watched over my shoulder as I looked over the pages but nothing in there said anything about how powerful she was, only about how she killed the people and what happened to their bodies. 

“Sit still Noah,” Dean moved the binder out of my hands and placed it next to me. “I need to finish getting your wounds cleaned up.”

“I can’t just keep the Cas and you here without knowing how powerful she is. I know you two didn’t wholeheartedly agree to this at all.”

Dean wrapped my body up in some bandages and carefully stood me up. I caught my reflection in the mirror. To say I looked like hell would be an understatement. The only thing I wore was a pair of underwear. About seventy percent of my body was covered in bandages. I held onto his elbow and walked down to the kitchen where Sam was making some food. Cas sat at the table and fiddled with his fingers. 

“Hey Noah, you doing good,” Sam turned from the stove, looking at me. His eyes widened as they dragged over my bandages. “Whoa. You definitely got banged up.” 

“Yeah, I know. But I think I might be okay after a few days.” I pulled my hair into a bun and sighed, the sound coming out in crackles. 

“Do we even have a few days for you to heal up?” Sam turned back to the food. 

“No but I think I can do anything about it right now. We need to keep going.” 

“Cas, think you can heal ‘im up?” I waved off the offer before Cas could even say anything. 

“He doesn’t need to do anything but rest. He’s going to be shooting us back and forth. Healing me would only take away what we need to get to the next stop.”

“I don’t think it would be wise to keep going, Noah. You figured out how powerful she is. If she can almost beat you to death then I don’t think we should be going toe to toe with her.”

“Cas, I want to keep going. I don’t want to just give up on all of these people. If I don’t do this, if I don’t try I don’t think that I’ll be able to live with myself. I need to try Castiel or I might just…I don’t know. I just need to do this. I feel this pull to figure out what happened to these people.” 

“Fine, we’ll have to wait it out a bit. Make sure you’re healed up a bit and I am rested a bit before we go out.”

Sam finished dinner and served it up to the three of us. It wasn’t the best, but it was food nonetheless. Cas went upstairs to rest and after awhile I went up to bed. Eating was just too painful for me. My chest pained every time I swallowed or took a breath. The pillows on the bed were put up against the headboard. 

“Want some help,” I turned, Dean leaned against the doorway. I nodded and looked down at the bed. Dean came up behind me and smiled. “Sit down,” I sat down on the bed and waited for the next bit of instruction. Dean placed a hand on my chest and carefully pushed me back onto the bed. 

“Thank you Dean,” I smiled lightly as I adjusted my legs a bit to get more comfortable. 

“No problem,” Dean sat next to me after placing a kiss on my forehead. 

~

The next few days were filled with healing for me and Cas. I wasn’t fully healed but we needed to get out of the house and follow the witch. She was going to be ahead of us by a bit now, unless she jumped to the wrong date which I hoped she did as I don’t think she had any real intention of being like the four of us and just jumping right into the action.

“You think you’re healed enough to do this?” I leaned against Dean, my rib still in a bit of pain. 

“Not really but we’ve got to keep moving otherwise we’ll lose her.”

“Well, I guess we should head out, right?” Dean shot Cas a look, the angel stiffening up.


	5. Four

“I think you guys might recognize this dude. It’s said he made a deal with a crossroads demon that eventually killed him but…we all know that part isn’t true.” I lazily flipped through the pages as I tried to find the man’s name amongst the others. 

“What? The crossroads demon or the killing part?” Dean’s eyebrow raised punctuating his question more then his own inflection. 

“The killing part dumbass. We all know that he made a deal with a crossroads demon when he was younger. It’s all apart of his lore. A lore people are too stupid to believe. Though, we know some people don’t believe that he made a deal with a crossroads demon but whatever. The point is that he made a deal with the crossroads demon but ended up being killed before his ten years were up which majorly screwed the demon over.” 

“The witch did this?” 

Sam looked around us. Not much had changed since the last hop. We were still in the same sort of time period, only having jumped a two decades. It was more of a jump sideways than anything else. 

“Of course but I don’t think that she’s powerful enough to actually fall right into the right date. I think she’s just had begun her training or whatever,” I put the whole binder back into place. 

“So what do we do now, just hold onto the hope that we can get to the spot before she does.”

“Do you think that she doesn’t know how powerful she is? Maybe she’s just actually going through the motions?”

“I don’t know, maybe she really doesn’t know what the hell she is doing.”

“What if we can save her instead of just killing her?” Sam offered up. 

“We can’t save everyone Sammy and she does have the potential to go evil if we leave her alone. No amount of talking will get her out of it.”

“We can save her, Noah. She isn’t fully corrupted just yet.” I crossed my arms and looked at Dean. 

“Sam, do as Noah says. This is his hunt and we have to do as he says.”

Sam huffed as he crossed his arms in front of his chest, “Fine, I’ll do as Noah says.”

“Thank you.” 

I put my bag on my back and began our journey down the dirt roads. 

“You actually think that you can make it through a bit more of this?” People around us threw insults at me. 

The rest day was filled with a bit of fun as we all waited for the sun to go down and the fun to start. There wasn’t much we could do in the way of actually telling Louis that he was going to die. We may have some loose morals but there was some things we wouldn’t do at all and one of those was interfering with the lives of those we followed. Cas would make sure that we didn’t do anything that was out of the ordinary, keeping his eyes peeled for anyone who might catch us in the act. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end. Sam looked at me, his eyes scanning me over in suspicions.

I could already feel the eyre of all of the people in the room. My skin was darker than anyone in this room. Their eyes scanned mine and I could already tell what kind of questions they were going to ask of me but I tried to keep my head up high. Dean wrapped an arm around my waist which drew more eyes to us. Dean dropped his hand and walked a bit away from me. 

“You think you can handle more of this?” Dean’s eyes scanned my skin. 

“Yes, of course. I have to. I need to save these people from these sorts of deaths.”

Sam shot me a look with hiseyebrows furrowed. His rhetoric was the same on most hunts. He always felt the need to save people. Now he was the one who was skeptical and I was the one who wanted to save people. It felt odd that I was the one who was placing the people in place of the team but now it was all I could think about.

“I mean, you’re darker than all of us and this isn’t exactly the best time for people like you.” 

“I’m half black, not full black. If anything my light skin could be an explanation for why I’m with you guys. I can be one of your ‘prettier’ slaves.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, what?” Dean looked at me, hand held out. Sam and Cas practically facepalmed.

“Did you even go to school half the time…or pay attention at all?” It was a dumb question but I still had to ask it, no matter how dumb it had to be. Dean looked between the three of us as if he missed something.

“Mixed babies were brought into the house because they had more European features and were often the children of the family.”

“So what? You’re our brother now?” Sam huffed and rubbed his temples. 

“Dean, just shut up.” Sam patted Dean’s shoulder and kept walking down the street. 

~ 

“Are you sure this is the place it all went down?” Dean looked around the bar with his eyes scanning over the people.

“Yeah, years of research. My life has been spent on this shit. I don’t think I’d forget the smaller details.”

“You might have, this could be the absolute wrong place for his death.” 

I raised one of my eyebrows in a challenge, “Do you want me to get out the binder filled to the brim with all of the research I poured my heart and soul into? The same binder I know every fact from front to back with. I can tell you who died, when, where, how and why it was so damn important to the curse.”

Dean raised his arms in defense, turning back to his drink. Sam rubbed my shoulders as if I was some boxer taking a break in my corner of the ring. I wiggled out of Sam’s grip, moving out All I could do was take a few breaths and walk out of the bar and took the bag with me. My eyes scanned the stars in the sky.

The stars. They were so bright without all of the light pollution. They were just as bright as the stars in my little forrest hideout. My eyes were stuck on all of the constellations and tried to name them all but their names escaping my mind. My grandfather would be so disappointed in me. I let out a soft chuckle at the thought of my grandfather trying to name them all off while checking to make sure I was listening. 

“Are you okay?” Cas’ voice appeared on my left side. Seconds later, his profile came into view. 

“Yeah, fine. Dean just gets on my nerves sometimes, you know?” Cas let out a soft blow of air out of his nose in an attempt at a laugh. 

“I can see why you take this all so personally.” Cas’ statement was cryptic, just begging for me to ask him what he meant by it but I just let it go. 

“I don’t know. I don’t think anyone would be particularly interested in this cas and now we’re stuck in the past chasing a witch that we have no idea what her motive is.” 

We fell silent as our eyes drifted up to the sky. I rested my head on his shoulder. A few moments passed before one of us spoke again. 

“We should go back inside. Dean and Sam must be dying in there.” Cas chuckled and wrapped an arm around my shoulder as we walked back into the house. 

Dean was still at the bar flirting up some chick. Sam sat at a table and looked around the bar. Cas sighed as he took his arm off of my shoulder. I sat back on the bar stool I had previously occupied, pushing the man out of the way. Sam caught our eyes and moved towards us and took his seat as well. 

“How many years did you spend on this?” Cas looked at me, his eyes also scanning the bar scene and essentially picking up the conversation from earlier. 

“I’ve been doing this since I was a freshman in high school so maybe five, six years. I know these cases back to front.” 

“That doesn’t sound obsessively creepy at all.” Dean took a swig of his drink and slammed the glass onto the table. 

“I wouldn’t call it creepy to obsessive, I’d just like to say my brain got bored.”

“So you turned to conspiracy theories instead of…I don’t know, books, TV?”

“Like you turned to booze and sex?” I jabbed. Dean’s eyes softened as he motioned for the bartender to pour him another drink. “I’m sorry Dean. It’s not like I can’t have a bit of fun and keep my mind interested as well. I can’t just mindlessly watch TV to forget the horrors I see. I just need to figure stuff out.”

“So you solve puzzles but instead of doing math or an actual puzzle, you research people’s lives and how they die to see if anything suspicious turns up?”

“No, I only take on cases that are already trying to be solved by people who aren’t hunters. I would never try and make my own theory by any means.”

“Are you completely sure you never tried to create your own theory? You seem like the tin-foil hat type person to make up your own theory.”

“At least I’m not getting drunk off my ass after every hunt and fucking anything that moves.” 

Dean tapped his now empty glass on the table. Our eyes watched for Elizabeth and her friend. Louis was on stage playing his music which did sound eerily demonic. The lyrics and the sounds emanating from his guitar sent shivers down my spine. I kept a hard eye on the musician, not wanting to let him out of my sight. Dean and I kept our eyes in separate directions, the air around us noticeably heavy and thick. 

“Why don’t you come dance with me, Noah?” Sam extended his hand to me and smiled. I nodded and took his hand in mine. Dean’s eyes watched as we moved towards the dance floor. 

“Sorry, Dean can be such a jerk sometimes. He had no right doing that.” One of Sam’s big hands was placed on my waist. I smiled lightly as he guided me around. 

“I was the one who started it with that booze comment. It’s my fault.”

“Yeah, that was a little out of line but that doesn’t excuse his comments at all.”

“Look Sammy, I know you don’t nessicarily like the idea of Dean and I shaking up but I’d like to start looking at my options for dating.”

“Really? That’s awesome, want any help?” Sam smiled as he looked at me. 

“Everyone you and Dean date end up dying and Cas is ace so I don’t think he’ll be of much help.”

“Hehe, I guess you’re right about that but we do have the advice if you ever need it,” Sam looked into my eyes as we swayed back and forth. 

“I guess so…,” I turned my gaze back to Dean and sighed as he chatted up a woman who had entered the bar. “I need to sit down. My foot is hurting.”

I hobbled over to my seat, inching my way between the woman and Dean. The woman scoffed as I pushed my way through and sat down next to Dean once more. Sam ordered another round for all of us before eyeing me affectionately as I received my drink. I tapped the glass on the wooden table. My eyes shifted to the flirtatious hunter. 

“Can you not Dean?” Cas tapped Dean on the shoulder and pushed the woman away. “You’re the one who dragged us here, might as well keep an eye out so that we don’t get stuck here.” 

Dean sighed as he looked at me. His eyes were filled with anger then shifted to hurt then to softness before he mouthed, “I’m sorry.”

“They should come in any moment now. I read up a bit before we came here. I noticed that there was something I missed-,”

Sam interjected, “Or something was added when the witch hopped into the future.”

“Because she wasn’t meant to be here.” I kept tapping the glass against the table. 

“She was supposed to stay when she killed Alexandre Levy,” Dean offered up, slurring his words a bit. 

“Or maybe she didn’t kill him the first time, maybe she was just supposed to set up the right events that made the rest of this happen.” I was slightly buzzed so the words didn’t come out right. 

“Keep your eyes on the prize ladies.” Cas tilted his head towards the door. 

Elizabeth and Samantha stepped in, their dresses a little less cumbersome then when they had left me. Their eyes scanned the room almost immediately hardening as soon as their eyes landed on mine. I backed up from the their gaze, turning my focus to the Winchester brothers. Dean placed a hand on my back and kept me from jumping on them. We watched as the two strutted over to the musician. 

Louis kept his head down, an obvious attempt to keep the respect alive. My skin was dark, but not dark enough to have to avert my eyes from every white person I saw but every white person averted their eyes from my gaze. The women chatted up the musician as he set up his guitar. Another act walked up and announced himself to everyone. They walked next to him as he headed up to the bar. 

I bowed my head and lowered my voice to a whisper, “Get them away from him, distract them.” Sam nodded, peeling off and walking towards one of them. Cas peeled off of and began talking to the other. 

“Hey, I’m sorry I was so pissy with you earlier. I didn’t mean to-,”

“Dean, now is not the time to get all chick flick with me, you hear? I can’t be focusing on this right now.”

Dean’s hand peeled off of my back as he stood from the bar stool. Cas chatted up Samantha. She seemed to have no recollection of what had happened a few days earlier. Her mind seemed to be completely wiped. But Elizabeth, her eyes scanned the room, her chest taking deep breaths. I finally got enough courage to walk up to the man. Sam took Elizabeth to the dance floor and Cas took Samantha to the other side of the bar. 

“Mind if we talk to you for a bit?” I smiled at the musician as nice as possible.

“Well of course kind sir, I would love to.” Louis smiled. I lead the man outside. Dean followed close behind me. I leaned against the outside of the bar and waited for Louis and Dean to get outside.

“I heard you made a deal with a demon to get those skills. Is the rumor true?”

“Depends on who’s askin’.” Louis smiled. He crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“Dean Winchester, son of John and Mary Winchester. This is my boyfriend Noah Hudson.”

“A Winchester. Never thought I’d see the day,” Louis scanned the outside of the bar. “So what brings Winchesters all the way to Saint Louis?”

“You actually.” Dean lightly slapped my arm. My confidence wained. “Ow Dean.”

Louis raised a hand to his heart, “Little ole me? The Winchester family is interested in me?”

“Yes, our family is very interested in you and your little…deal with the devil. Well I am interested in your deal, the Winchesters are along for the ride.”

“I’m sorry but why are you all interested in my deal?” Louis uncrossed his arms. 

“They want to save you from eternal damnation, love,” Elizabeth stepped out of the bar with Sam following close behind. “And from me.”

“And who might you be ma’am? I never got your name.” Louis kept a smile on his face as he shifted on his feet. 

“Better to not get to attached sweetie, we won’t be here much longer.”

“Please explain yourself miss. I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”

“Winchester, get out of here. I don’t think you should butt in on people’s deals.” The woman raised her hand and effortlessly slammed the brothers against the wall of the bar.

Cas stepped out if the bar and raised his hand up in a vain attempt to stop the witch. She snapped the angel’s wrist, the man yelping in pain. I backed away from the witch and into the wall the brothers were being held. My eyes watched as the witch held up her hand to the man. 

“Stop!” The witch turned to me. I didn’t even know what I was doing until she turned to me. I backed up as far as I could from the witch. “The killing stops here. These people don’t deserve to be slaughtered.”

“What if they do deserve to die?” She pushed me against the wall, forcing me against the wall.

“No one deserves to die so young,” Tears formed at the back of my eyes. “They have so much life to live.”

Elizabeth cocked her head to the side, “I see that you have some experience with someone dying young. Who was it?”

“No one,” I would wipe the tears from my eyes but I couldn’t move my hands. “It was no one.”

“Come on, you can tell me who it is,” She ran a finger down my jaw, sending a chill down my spine. 

“I won’t ever tell you.” Elizabeth tapped my temple. I could feel the violation coming on already.

“No, you can’t do that. Don’t do that please.” I wriggled against the force keeping me against the wall. 

Elizabeth smiled, “Awe, I would love to take a walk around in that mind of yours.”

“I don’t understand why you would want to do that. I have nothing in here you would want to see.”

“Well, of course you do. You have all of the best information. Now tell me, who was it that died when you were younger. It must have been important, don’t you think?”

“His name is Mason Hale. Is that what you wanted because he’s long dead by now. He doesn’t deserve to be killed by you by any means.”

I shot a look to the man behind us who was watching this all go down, “Run.”

The man bust into a run but it was no match for the witch. She lifted her hand and stopped him in his tracks. His face twisted in horror. We had to watch on in horror as she floated towards him. I struggled against the binds. My eyes darted to the angel who was holding his hand in his other and rubbed the now broken bits of wrist. 

“Cas, mind helping us out?” The angel stumbled towards us and looked at me.

The angel groaned as I kept struggling against my binds. He looked at me and head tilted to the side, “I don’t think that I can help much.” 

“You’ve still got one working hand, asshole.” The witch took another look back at us and slammed my head against the wall then slammed Cas against the wall as well. 

She turned her head back to the man in front of her and brought her hand up to his throat. Her friend stepped forward, “May I please have this kill?”

“I’m sorry but I have to kill these people. They’re too complicated for someone as unsophisticated as you. These,” Elizabeth shot her eyes to all of us. “Men had to clean up your mess the last time. I won’t let you have another kill again. We can’t have them meddling in my plans.”

“Your plans? I thought these would be our plans?” Samantha turned to us, tears in her eyes. 

“They were always my plans. I didn’t need you to do anything. I am already strong enough. I don’t need any help.” 

“But what did you need me for anyway?” Samantha backed into the wall as well. Her eyes shifted to us. 

“A sacrifice, of course.” Elizabeth smiled as she looked at the woman she brought with her.

“I am not to be a sacrifice, Elizabeth. That is not what I had agreed to. It was not what we had planned.” 

“Plans change and since the Winchesters are here, our plans have changed. I need a sacrifice to the dark lord.”

“And you can’t use Louis as a sacrifice,” Samantha backed away from the witch. 

“No,” She turned her face to the frozen man and smiled. “He’s special.”

A bright flash of light blinded me. I shielded my eyes and brought my arm up to my face. Samantha stepped back into my body and tossed me to the ground. I grunted and rolled from underneath her. Dean and Sam dropped from the wall, breath heaving as they stumbled towards me. Cas walked over to me and brought me up. Dean helped Samantha up.

“Where did she go?” Dean’s voice was low and gruff with his hands on Samantha’s shoulders.

“I don’t-” Samantha shot me a look and I shrugged my shoulders. I couldn’t stop Dean when he was like this. 

“No, you know where she went. Where the fuck did she go?” Dean shook the woman in his arms. 

“I don’t know where she is. I was dragged into this just the night before I killed Mr. Levy.”

“Swear on your life that you don’t know where she is right now.” Dean shook her one more time to get the point across.

“I swear, I swear on her life that I don’t know where she is. I don’t know where the she is.”

Dean dropped his hands and turned to me. He placed his hands on his hips. Cas shook his head and placed his good hand on the woman’s shoulder. She smiled at the angel. Her eyes softened as she wrapped her arm around his waist. I couldn’t tell if she was under Cas’ influence or not but she seemed happy nonetheless. 

Sam turned to me, arms crossed, “Where do we go from here now, Noah?”

“I honestly have no idea what happens from here. He was supposed to die right here.” 

The wind blew, a chill running down my back. Sam’s eyes widened as a circle of leaves kicked up. Dean placed a hand on my chest and pushed him back. Nothing happened other than my backpack feeling a bit heavier. Dean shot me a look and smiled at me. I took off my bag and set it on the ground. The binder was a bit thicker now but it wasn’t noticeable to anyone who hadn’t given it more than a passing glance. 

I dumped the book out of the bag and looked at the pages. I flipped past Alexandre’s entry. Samantha looked at me, eyes widening as she watched the pages turn past me. She smiled and watched as I looked at the entry on Louis.

“That’s a lot of information. Where did you get it all?” Samantha smiled at the words on the pages.

"I think that might be classified information ma’am.” A twinkle in her eye told me she may know a lot more than what she was letting on. 

“I guess I’ll figure it out soon enough,” She moved over to the younger Winchester brother and smiled at him. Sam gave her a nervous smile and looked at me. 

The pages had changed ever so slightly. The famed musician’s, and arguably the first member of the 27 Club, data had been changed much to my dismay. His death date had been pushed back by about a week and his cause of death had changed. It had went from neurosyphilitic sclerosis to torture. The disturbing photos filled the next few pages. 

“We have a leg up on her. Every time something changes in history-in this book-she is the reason behind it.”

“How would you know?” Samantha looked at me. I lifted the book and placed it on my shoulder.

“This is all the research I’ve collected on the curse that was placed over the music industry. I can’t say much more than that in front of you.”

“I understand, but I hope one day this curse can be lifted. Maybe with my help.”

“Why would you want to help us? You were just playing for the other side.” Dean looked at the woman. 

“I mean, why not? Did you not hear her? She was going to sacrifice me to Satan.”

“You know that shit doesn’t actually work, right? Whenever you try to summon the devil you just get one of his goonies who wants to mess around with you but pretending to be the Devil.”

“Either way, I don’t want anything to do with her anymore. I don’t want to actually be sacrificed just for her enjoyment.”

“Fine then, we need to head out. Staying in one place for too long can makes us a target,” I shoved the book back into my bag and slung it over my shoulder. “We have to get Cas patched up and find some shelter.” 

Samantha stood for a moment, her eyes moving to each one of us. Sam followed behind me as we headed down the dirt path towards town. Dean walked next to me, hand brushing against mine. I finally found an abandoned house. The four behind me stopped and waited as I checked the house for any sort of ghouls. 

I walked through the door and looked around for a source of light. There was a small table with a candle on it. There was a box of matches that were left in the box. I lit the candle and began my search of the house. The house was old, creaking in the soft wind. It was dark, even in the fading golden glow of the sunlight. There was a second story that looked like it was going to cave in at any moment. The steps creaked as I walked up the stairs. I couldn’t hear anyone else in the house. The house was silent other than my own footsteps. Once I had thoroughly checked the house and I waved the four of them in.

Cas sat down on the couch, still holding his wrist in his hand. Samantha went straight to work on him after she found some extra fabric to make a makeshift cast and sling for the angel. Dean looked around for some sort of food but all of it was expired. He left for town and came back a few hours later. 

Samantha walked back into the kitchen and looked around for something, “Do you know where I might get some ice? The strange man’s wrist is very swollen.”

“I don’t know but I might be able to get some later.” Dean gave Samantha a small smile. It was one I had only seen him give to people he wanted to fuck. She smiled back at him flirtatiously and walked back into the living room. A surge of jealousy moved through my body, my eyes only seeing green. 

“Want to help me make something? I’m shit at cooking.” Dean let out a soft chuckle as he unpacked some burlap sacks. 

“Ask Samantha then. I’m sure she’d be the perfect little housewife.” Dean’s face fell and I turned my body around as I headed towards the stairs. I walked up to the stairs.

At the top, there were three doors. One right in front of me, one to my left and one to my right. The one in front of me seemed to be a closet and the other two seemed to be bedrooms. I went to my right, entering the room cautiously. My eyes scanned what used to be a child’s room. It was painted a baby blue with horrific cartoons painted on the wall. Their eyes seemed to follow me as I moved about the room. I physically shivered, backing out of the room and heading into the other room. 

This room was painted white. Crisp and clean all except for the bed which was in complete shambles. The wind whistled in the room. A rustling in the closet caught my attention. I couldn’t even stop myself from walking towards the sound. The cool metal of the closet door met my hand and shifted under my weight. The wooden door opened and my eyes fell on a man who looked like he had came out of every girls dream. His eyes were closed and a fur coat was wrapped around his torso. Wings. Huge blackened, smoldering wings were cramped in the small closet, almost covering his body and any view of him. 

I stepped back and quietly stepped out of the room and down the stairs. Dean was already halfway up the stairs. Samantha, Sam and Cas were right behind him, glancing up at me with curious eyes. All of their eyes were on me as I pointed to the door. 

“I think we have a bit of a situation guys.”

~

Sam laid the man on the couch and looked him over. Cas touched his arms and looked over his wings. His body was covered in scars and tattoos along with some fresh gashes and bruises. My eyes scanned over the ink and bits of scar tissue that covered his body. There had to be some form of mark on his body that told us who he was and where he came from. Samantha had been shooed out of the house to get some more first aid supplies for the man and to get her out. 

“Do you guys see the wings too or is this just a me thing?” Sam and Dean shook their heads. I already knew Cas was going to do this but Cas nodded. 

“Cool, I’m not going absolutely insane,” I paused, my eyes contenting to scan the man. “Where do we think he came from?”

“Not from Heaven,” Cas tilted his head to the side. “And definitely not from hell.”

“You think that he doesn’t know that he’s an angel,” Sam looked at me then down at the man. 

The man stirred and curled into a pillow. His eyes opened up and looked around the room. He cleared his throat. Then, his eyes landed on us, a scream piercing the air. I covered my ears against the piercing sound and dropped into the ground. My eyes squeezed shut. As soon as the sound ended, my eyes opened and scanned the room. Dean and Sam weren’t affected by the scream and Cas seemed completely fine but shot me a knowing look. I stood from my spot on the ground.

“Who are you?” Dean’s voice was the natural gruff that was expected when he was interrogated people.

“I think my name is James…” He paused, eyes landing on me. “Who are you?”

Before I could even answer, Dean spoke up. “The name is Dean, this is my brother Sam. This is our friend Cas and this is my…,” Dean paused as if searching for the right word. “Other friend, Noah.”

“Noah,” James’ voice was soft as he pushed him up into a sitting position. “I like that name.”

“Where did you come from?” Dean assaulted James with another question. 

“I-I don’t know. I just remember waking up here and seeing all of you.”

Samantha walked into the house and set some gauze onto the table. Dean stepped away from the couch and into the kitchen. Sam watched as Dean and then at Cas. Cas smiled, walking back into the kitchen. I smiled and sat down next to the angel. Samantha’s eyes scanned the angel but she backed away from him and into the kitchen. 

“I’m sorry about all of this. It must be hard to wake up and see all of this.” 

I picked up one of the rags and looked over his gashes, trying to figure out which one I should do. James tilted his head as he watched me. My hands worked quickly, knowing what I was doing in a general sense. I had taken some anatomy courses in high school and college. Not because I wanted to be a doctor but because I was genuinely interested in the body and what it does. I also took a lot of psychology courses and was a few credit hours away from getting a minor in psychology. Samantha came in with some warm water, looking over James then me. 

“What?” I asked as I continued the cleaning of James’ wounds. Her eyes scanned my skin.

“I never met a real negro before.” My face scrunched. James’ eyes moved between the two of us. 

“Yeah, well I am not exactly fully black.” I kept my eyes away from the woman and on James’.

“You’re not?” She smiled at me. “So you’re one of them biracial kids, even more exotic.” 

“Samantha, can you come in here? I need some help with dinner,” Dean called, giving me a wink from the kitchen. The uncomfortableness that was hanging in the air dissipated as soon as she left.

“You should eat, get some food in you,” I bandaged the man’s chest. He hissed at the feeling but I didn’t stop. 

“I don’t get hungry.” He protested as I brought him up to inspect his back for any more wounds but there was nothing I could find on his back.

“Well, you still need to eat, okay?” James nodded, leaning tiredly against my body.

I walked the man into the kitchen and set him into a chair. The small group of us waited for Samantha and Dean to finish up the dinner they were making for us. Dean kept his eyes away from me, looking down at his hands. I placed my binder on the table and kept searching for some sort of information. James’ eyes moved to the book. 

James opened his mouth but I cut him off before he could even speak. “Don’t even ask right now, I need to concentrate.” 

“He gets cranky if you don’t let him has his full attention on whatever he is studying at the moment,” Sam chuckled, placing a hand on my shoulder.

I turned my attention back to the pages. The fact that nothing else had changed made me feel a bit lost. There was no information on his death. Just a death certificate and no autopsy. I hadn’t expected the autopsy at all so the fact that there still wasn’t one made some sort of sense. But no one wanted to investigate this sort of death? It was very clear that he was murdered but there was nothing about his death. 

“Alright kiddo, move the book. It’s time to eat,” Dean set a plate down next to me.

I closed the book and set it down on the ground next to me. Samantha kept shooting me looks as she sat down next to Dean. James’ eyes shifted to mine before down to the plate of food in front of him. My eyes moved to the plate of food right in front of me. There was a small bit of meat, some veggies and mashed potatoes. 

“Smells good, Dean,” I smiled at the man. Samantha looked down at her plate, a twinge of guilt hitting my heart. “You did a great job too Samantha. He would have burned down the kitchen if it weren’t for you.”

~

I sat down on the couch after stoking the fire a bit. Everyone else had gone to bed…or at least somewhere else, leaving the downstairs room silent for me to study. The binder was heavy against my knees. The pages were smooth against my fingers, the heat of the fire kept me warm. A crackling was the only sounds in the house. 

“Noah?” James walked into the downstairs room wearing a shirt Dean had given him. 

I shut the book and pushed it to the side before turning my attention to the angel, “Yeah, what’s up?”

The wings of the angel dragged against the ground. They were still smoldering hours after we found him. Maybe his wings were always like that but I had never seen an angel’s wings like this. But I hadn’t seen another angel’s wings before. He stretched and his wings stretched out with him.

“What is going on? I…I don’t understand at all,” James sat down next to me. 

“Cas, Dean and I, we’re hunters. We hunt down monsters, not animals and you…you are an angel.”

“What are you doing all the way back here? In time I mean. How do you get back here?”

“Angels…they can send people back and forth in time which takes a lot of energy. I think whoever did this to you knocked you so far back they probably knocked themselves out and you as well.”

James shifted in his spot. His eyes dropped from the fire and to his lap. He looked so young but not much younger than me. His blonde hair and green eyes mixed with his soft features made him look like a fourteen year old instead of a full grown man. He nervously thumbed his fingers over the fabric of the shirt. I cleared my throat turning our attention back to the fire in front of us. 

“We’re here because of a curse…one I stupidly roped my friends into. I don’t think this will work out in the way I planned.”

James perked up at my words, eyes shifting to meet mine, “What do you mean by that?”

“I know how dangerous it is for angels to send people like me back in time. Cas gets so exhausted even just sending us a few decades back. Now I forced his hand to sending us back two hundred years for no reason other than selfishness. I became so heavily invested in this curse…years spent researching and pouring over the facts…and I just wanted to see it all but now…I forced the hand of a witch who is changing a history that I so heavily wanted to never see change…one I had studied so heavily.” 

“This curse…do you think it was an actual curse before you sent off on this mission?”

“I had a hunch about it, a lot of people who were invested in the theory had a hunch. I knew I was going down the wrong path when I started this because the curse doesn’t just affect the people, it’s the families as well, though I don’t think their families cared all that much.”

There weren’t any newspaper clippings within the first few entires on the book all except for the basic obituary and crime scene recreations. If I had given it much thought, I would have brought my camera to add to my own morbid collection. But, allas, there was nothing I could do. James watched on with a child-like curiosity. 

“This is what some of you do in your free time?” His voice was soft.

“A very few of us, close knit group of us…we theorize about all things weird. I think I may have taken my teacher’s motto a little too seriously because I am siting in Saint Louis, Missouri in 1908 hunting a witch who’s out for blood.”

“And how many hunters are there?” James’ eyes connected with mine. 

“Much fewer than my theorist friends. Our line of work often ends in us dying young though there are outliers.”

James and I sat in silence, my eyes pouring over the words for hours on end with very little movement from either of us. The sun eventually came up. My eyes burned from reading for hours. I stood up from my spot on the couch careful not to wake James from his sleep. He definitely wasn’t an angel. Angels rarely sleep or eat, they don’t need to, and yet this one had been asleep for a majority of the time I’ve known him. 

James snuggled against my chest. Soft snores came out of his mouth. One look at James and you knew he wasn’t human, even if he was human he was really gorgeous. His jawline was soft but noticeable to say the least. Dean’s shirt was almost too small for the man, his muscles strained against the cotton. His golden curls laid delicately against his forehead. Goosebumps formed on his delicate skin and I pulled a blanket over his body before I carefully walked into the kitchen and began working on breakfast. 

“Good morning Mr. Williams.” Samantha bowed her head politely as she entered the room. 

She looked odd in Sam’s shirt. Her small frame was almost swimming in it. Her skin looked paler against the dark grey of the shirt. Her hands tugged at the hem of the shirt, pulling down past her knees. Her eyes averted mine as she sat down at the table. 

“Want anything to drink? I’m just starting breakfast.” I turned to the woman and awaited for her answer. 

“No thank you,” She smiled happily at me. “Would you like some help with breakfast?” 

“No, I think I can handle it. I’ve been making food for these guys for years.”

“I am so sorry about butting in on you and Dean…if there was anything there.” Her words came as a shock to me. 

“No, no of course not. Feel free to flirt with him all you want.” I forced a smile on my face. 

The second person to come down besides Samantha was Cas, the only one who didn’t really sleep. Dean came down a few moments later. He rubbed his eyes and gave me a sleepy kiss on the cheek. Sam was the last one to come down the stairs and into the kitchen. I finished up the breakfast I was making and placed it in front of them. 

“I’ll go wake up James,” I set my own plate down before heading into the living room and shaking the man gently. “James, it’s time to wake up.”

His eyes fluttered open to meet mine, a smile forming on his face, “What a good morning it is.”

“Come on, we’ve got to get you to eat.” 

James lifted his body off of the couch and followed me into the kitchen. Samantha checked the man out, eyes drifting over the man’s body. He backed behind me and gripped onto my shirt, almost ripping it in the process. Dean turned to Samantha and smiled at her, taking her eyes off of the pseudo-angel. 

James eyed the food weirdly, “Come on James, let’s get some food into you.”

“Did you find anything else out last night,” Sam fixed his hair a bit. 

“No, nothing more than what we found the other night. Maybe we can try…a seance?”

“No, we are not fucking with that shit again. Last time something like that happened, someone lost their eyesight.”

“I’m not going to lose my eyesight. It’s not like I’m trying to contact an angel. You’re not on the bad side of any angels at the moment, are you?”

“No, not at the moment, now are we Cas?” Cas nodded and poked at the food on his plate. 

“Fine then, it’s agreed. We’ll begin at the seance at three. Until then we’ll have to figure out if there’s anything else I missed.”

~

Sam bent over my binder as I anxiously paced back and forth in front of him. He shot me a glare so I stopped. As soon as he went back to the book, I began pacing once more but that only received a new glare. 

“That’s my baby right there and you’re manhandling it,” Sam sighed and placed a hand on the cover of the book. 

“Why don’t you leave for a few hours, give yourself some space from this. Take James with you too, I think he needs to get out as well.”

I nodded, turning around and walking into the living room. James sat on the couch. His eyes were intently laid upon the embers of the now dying fire. I sat next to him for just a moment. Hie eyes turned from the fire to mine. 

“We should get out of here for awhile, give Sam some time to look over my notes in peace.”

“You want to do out with me?” His voice was soft, louder than a whisper but softer than his normal speaking voice. 

“Yeah, we have to give him some time to breathe. It’s a lot of work that he has to do and I don’t want to get in his way.” 

James stood up, groaning as he did so. I went upstairs and threw on a jacket to brace myself against the cold March air. James waited at the bottom of the stairs for me. I smiled as I walked down to meet up with him. His smile was just the same as mine. I took his hand and lead him out the front door. 

“See you in a few hours Sammy boy.” Sam grunted as I shut the door behind me, chuckling. 

James took my hand in mine as we walked down the first street. I blushed lightly at the contact. His hands were warm and soft against my more calloused and dry ones. James didn’t seem to mind the roughness in my hands if he did, he didn’t pull his hand away. The silence made the walk a bit more calming. A wind blew through the bare trees. We continued to move down the street until we stood at the edge of the town.

“Can people see my wings?” James turned to me. I shook my head and squeezed his hand reassuringly. 

“Only other angels can see your wings. Other people can’t because their eyes would just burn.” James let out a breath, it hanging in the air for a moment. 

“If you’re human, then why can you see my wings? Shouldn’t you be blind?” I shrugged and kept walking, leaning into him for some sort of warmth. 

Snow drifted down from the sky. The sky was grey and even the streets of the town were practically silent. Only a few people were outside and walking around. Our feet crunched the snow underneath us. James looked on in wonder. 

I shivered and pulled myself closer to the man in an attempt to get warmer, “It’s definitely cold outside. Want to go inside?”

“Yeah.” James looked around. I did the same, trying to find a place that looked open. 

Neither of us found a place to find so we backed into an alleyway to get away from the wind at least. He rubbed his arms and leaned into me. He smiled lightly as he looked up to the sky. Snowflakes stuck to his golden curls and accented his almost invisible eyelashes. I giggled as I wiped some snowflakes off of his face.

“You look gorgeous,” I whispered. James’ cheeks and ears became red. 

“Thank you,” He smiled and wiped some snowflakes off of my face as well. 

I stepped back against the wall of one of the buildings we were scrunched between, touching one of the pieces of papers that plastered the walls. James’ eyes fell to the paper. His eyes lifted up to mine. I turned to where James’ eyes had fallen to. It was a poster advertising the same man we had lost to Elizabeth only a few days earlier. I placed a hand on the paper, touching the man’s face.

“This is the man we’re looking for.” I whispered as I stoked the portrait of the man’s face. 

“The man you’re looking for?” He questioned and turned his attention to the the face on the paper as well. 

“Yeah, he doesn’t deserve to die so young. He didn’t have to sell his soul either.”

“What the hell did you get yourself into?” I pulled back from the paper to look at the man. 

“I have no idea. It’s to late to pull out now. It just wouldn’t sit right with me.”

“That’s what the binder is for. It’s a sick, perverted scrapbook of all of these people’s deaths?” 

I shook my head, “I don’t nessicarily look at it like that at all. It was just a puzzle to me, I never thought of it as anything more than that as sick as it sounds.”

I disconnected myself so far from humanity that the life and death of people had become nothing more than a game to me. It was fucked up to think that a few years of my life had been spent collecting everything I could about these people’s deaths. Autopsies, crime scene photos and evidence that had all been found through very little work. Work that normal people, the people who didn’t hunt monsters, could find it with a simple google search. 

“It is sick and dragging your friends into something that probably shouldn’t even be fucked with.”

“I know but these people, their lives-,” James puffed out his chest. Even he was turning against me now and he hadn’t even known me for a whole day yet. 

“Their lives shouldn’t be fucked with and neither should their deaths.”

My faith in the curse and theory began wavering. How twisted must I be to meddle in these people’s deaths? To go as far to risk not only my own life but the lives of my friends because of a theory that might have been set out by me because of my own selfish reasons. I was going to risk everyone’s lives because of my own stupid selfishness. Now I had two more people who’s lives shouldn’t have ever been touched or affected by this curse are now being affected by this curse. 

“I have nothing better to say but just know that there is this force that is pulling me to this curse. I have nothing else to say other than that.” 

James went silent, eyes still on the photo of the man. I looked at him as well. The portrait stared into my soul. His eyes burned into mine but I turned away for a moment to get away from the gaze. As soon as I turned back to the portrait, and I couldn’t tell if James saw this as well, but the picture of the man began to cry tears of blood. I quickly wiped out a vile and collected a few drops of the blood. James turned away from the sight and began walking down the street back towards the house. I ran after him and grabbed his wrist, slowing him down.

“That is literally the most disgusting thing I had to ever witness.”

“It’s just a bit of blood, James. Nothing more, nothing less. I think I might get to use it for the seance tonight.” 

I shook the blood in the vile and kept walking with him. We had only been in town for a few minutes and not enough time for the time it would take for Sam to get through even one percent of the binder. So I slowed down my pace in hopes that it would slow down his pace as well. James’ shoulders brushed against mine. My body was very aware of how close he was to me. 

“Hey…can we stop for a moment?” James nodded as I hobbled off of the trail and sat on a rock. I ripped off my shoe and began rubbing my tight foot. 

“What’s wrong with you?” His eyes trailed down to my foot. I gave him a soft smile. 

“I like to call it dancer’s foot. The padding underneath my second toe just completely disappeared and on top of that I have arthritis so it’s hard to walk for long periods of time before it starts hurting.” 

“Is there anything you can do to help it or does it just stay like that forever?”

“The padding is going to be gone forever and the arthritis is managed by some medication a doctor gives me but since I haven’t taken it in a few weeks, the pain is going to get progressively worse.”

“Can that angel help in anyway?” I put on my shoe and rested against the rock. 

“He’s tried but nothing seems to work for long. He can actually stop the pain for a month before I get worse again but that combined with my human medication helps greatly.”

James sat down next to me and watched the snow drift down softly onto the ground. The quiet around us became heavy. It was almost like being in a painting. James’ wings extended, brushing against the ground and letting off steam. He stretched them up then back against his back. He shot me a smile before looking up at the sky. The warmth from the angel was enough, even without a jacket. 

“What’s the last thing you remember before you ended up passing out in that closet?”

“I honestly don’t know. It’s all just a black blur.” I nodded, falling silent once more. 

~

I splashed my face with some water and stared into the mirror as I dried my face. James stayed in the corner of the room, arms crossed. My body turned to face him. I pulled out a small bottle of lotion out of my bag. 

Samantha and James hung back in a corner of the dining room. Sam wearily eyed me as I watched the man set up some candles. Dean placed a hand on my knee and rubbed it gently. A heat creeped up to my cheeks as I smiled at the man. James puffed out his chest slightly, wings extending out a bit, careful not to knock anything down and bring attention to us. Dean shot the angel a ‘don’t fuck with me’ look. It’s like I was a prize pig to be looked over and won.

Cas looked up at me. His eyes scanned over my body, “What happened to you?”

“What do you-,” I stopped, yawning. I hadn’t slept much in a few days. The pain in my foot was in more pain than ever. “What do you mean by that?”

“You look a little tired,” Cas tilted his head to the side. “Do you live your injections at home?”

“Yeah, I didn’t want to get super tired. I needed to be on high alert for this.”

Dean finished carving the sigils on the table, turning to Sam. Sam finished lighting the candles and turned the attention to me. Samantha looked at the men sitting at the table with me. She wrung her hands and rocked on the balls of her feet. James touched her shoulder, a wing wrapping around her protectively.

“You ready smartie,” Sam looked at me and placed a hand on mine. Dean followed suit and extended his other hand to Cas.

After a few moments and once I registered the question, “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

I leaned my head back and silently called upon the spirts to give me the strength to contact the living. Slowly, my eyes closed as I leaned my head back. Dean squeezed my hand and grounded me to reality. The world around me began to fade away. A thick fog engulfed my sight. Figures entered and exited my sight through the fog. My eyes attempted to the figures and try to make sense of the figures around me. 

They were tall and lanky figures like stretched out human beings but not anything like Sam and Dean had seen before. If I had told them that this is what reapers really looked like. I don’t think they would enjoy the figures all that much. Their eyes were sunken and their grey skin was stretched over their bones. Long arms dragged against the ground with a slight amount They wouldn’t pay me much mind at all. 

“Louis,” I called out into the heavy fog. A few of the dark grey figures shifted their attention to me. “Louis are you there?” 

One of the figures turned to me slowly. It was as if it were moving underwater. “Him? He’s supposed to be dead.” 

“That’s what I was thinking but he’s not dead yet. Death date got moved back a week. Think that can happen?” 

“No, his death should have been set in stone.” The figure drew closer, coming down to a more normal height.

The figure that had once been taller than most trees was now just a few inches taller than me. His skin was a light brown, unusual for a reaper. They normally were a lot paler than him. The reaper’s hair touched his shoulders in dark brown waves. His eyes were a dark brown and were another anomaly for the reapers. 

“Somehow his death date got pushed back, I’m looking for him…if he’s even here.” 

“If he were here, all of us would be jumping to get that soul crossed over. Their souls are like gold to us.”

“I would assume so, they’re legends…legends who died so soon…but their souls…why would they be so valuable to cross over?”

“It’s like gold to us because they did die so soon. They were sent to the earth for a purpose.”

I started walking with the reaper by my side, “What? Make music and die?”

“Yeah, make music and die…that’s what it is.” The reaper’s voice was low as if that wasn’t the answer. 

“Look, I just want to get these guys out of the curse. I don’t want to meddle in this completion you guys have going on down here but I want to make sure these guys are out of the curse.”

“Then it won’t be much of a fun completion then,” The reaper looked around, eyes flickering between the trees and the figures walking between them. 

“I assume I can make you an offer then?” The creature paused, stopping in his tracks. “I already have two angels and the Winchester brothers on my side so there’s not much of choice in fighting.”

“Well, of course. I would never mess with the man Dean Winchester is in love with. He would move heaven and hell to protect those he loves.” 

“I know that much,” I paused, taking a look at the reaper. “So about this offer…”

“Yes, about that offer. What do you want in exchange for help finding these souls?”

“My offer…” I paused, looked out into the forrest. “I need to stop this witch. As long as the souls stay at the age they need to be, would the reapers consider helping me out?”

“So we can still have our little competition as long as we help you find the souls and stop this witch? What does she have on you anyway?”

“Nothing, I just am on to her,” A beat of silence. “Will you consider or not?”

“I’ll help you but only because the Winchester brothers are on the case.” 

“Thank you. I appreciate the help.”

~

“Noah…are you okay.” Sam’s large hand was on my shoulder. I tilted my head back into the correct position.

“Why’d you wake me up?” I rubbed my eyes sleepily. Sam’s eyes flickered to the door. 

Something strong was pounding against the wooden door, “We’ve got another situation.” 

Dean was already at the door, gun in hand. James extended his wings to protect the young lady behind him. Cas worriedly kept his hands and wings in front of James. Sam pulled me up out of the chair and into the foyer behind Samantha. James straightened up, placing a hand in front of my chest. I stepped into it, hoping to push past him but he held fast. 

“I got to help them. You two know nothing about what is behind that door but I do.” 

The pounding against the door continued. Whatever was behind that door was a lot stronger than what I had ever heard before. The door broke down, splinters and shatters flying into the air. The six of us flew back just by shear force. Samantha yelped out in shock. My eyes went to her and scanned her body for any injuries. A stick of wood had impaled her leg, eyes watching her as I picked up my pace. I crawled over James’ unconscious body. 

Two figures stepped through the smoke. Louis’ mangled body was the first one to clear through the smoke. One eye dangled out of his head and half of his face was rotten. His opposite leg had been torn off and replaced with the leg of a chair…or what looked like it.The witch was close behind him, holding a puppet that looked like him in her hands. 

“Go! Get her out of here,” Dean yelled before turning back to his brother. 

“I’m not leaving without you.” My eyes flickered up to the ravenous creature that was heading towards us. Quickly, I pulled out a knife that was always strapped to my thigh. 

Dean tossed me my bag of stuff and looked at Cas who was already back up on his feet and ready to fight the woman who had come through the door. I grabbed the bag and weakly stood, tossing the woman over my shoulder in a fireman’s carry. Sam got up and ready to fight as well. Dean ushered us out the back of the house, giving me a small pendant all the while. 

“It’s going to be okay. This is a just enough of Cas’ mojo to get you to safety. As soon as you get to safety, you need to wait for us wherever you land and we’ll come find you.”

“What about my work? This is my hunt and I’m the one who is supposed to be calling the shots.” 

“When your life is in danger then it’s me who’s calling the shots.” 

I searched Dean’s eyes for anything that could hint that he was lying to me. But there was nothing but anger and hurt. His hand pushed me into the backyard behind me. The screams from scared people came from the city. Elizabeth seemed to have already rampaged through the city in any attempt to find me. Dean’s chest heaved as he gulped down some much needed fresh air. 

“Dean, Sam and Cas can’t hold her off on their own and you’re going to die trying to fight her off as well.” 

“And I am not going to let you die. We need you a lot more than you think.” 

Samantha whined and struggled against my shoulders. I lifted her off of my shoulders and set her next to me. Her body leaned against mine. Her leg was still bleeding and would probably have to be amputated seeing as how the wood had shot right through it. The bone was probably shattered beyond belief. 

“Dean-,” The man lifted a hand to my face and turned to James. His eyes trained on the angel. 

“Make sure he gets to where we want him to go, okay?”

“I don’t even know where that is.” James protested, his eyes scanning the Winchester brother over. 

“Noah will know what to do. Right now you have to get Samantha to safety and fix up her leg.” Dean turned to me. “Just warm the pendent in your hand Noah, it will only activate to your warmth.” 

Before I could protest again, the wind picked up around the three of us. James pulled himself closer to me. Dean backed away and into the doorway. Crashes and grunts came from the inside of the house but Dean’s eyes didn’t waver from mine as he slowly faded away from the three of us.


	6. Five

My eyes scanned the building we now stood in. James took Samantha from my side and dragged her to a bed. I turned my attention to the woman. Her screams of agony filled the air and bounced off of the walls. I ripped off of my belt and wrapped it around her thigh. One quick look at her leg and I knew what was going on. 

“James, get some firewood and start a fire. This leg isn’t viable, we’re going to have to cut it off.” 

“You’re going to have to what?” Samantha lifted herself off of the bed and looked at me. 

“I have to amputate, cut the leg off. It looks like the wood shattered your bone and I don’t think we can save it with the medicine we have right now to even save it…I’m sorry.” 

I tied off the leg with my belt and turned to James. He had begun collecting wood for the fire. Samantha groaned in agony, barely moving. My eyes shifted around the room as I tried to find a sharp object to do the dead with. 

James waltzed over to me and extended a hand to me, “Got a light?”

“Uhhh…,” I dug through my pockets until I felt the cool metal of my lighter as I tossed it over to him. “Yeah.” 

James examined the small white Bic lighter in his hands, turning it over in his hands before he turned to the wood pile in the middle of the room. I turned back to Samantha. She was covered in a small sheen of sweat. Her eyes looked around the room slowly. Before I could think about it, I was up out of my seat and looking threw my bag. I pulled out the binder that I always carried with me and flipped through the pages. 

Louis Chauvin died of torture. But the actual cause of death was a shotgun blast to the head and he found at the scene of an abandoned house. Three men were found standing over the body before they had disappeared into thin air, right in front of the police. The police were confused as to what happened so they wrote it off as a figment of their imaginations. A collective hallucination. 

“Still going to have to amputate the leg?” Dean sauntered into the room. His clothes were covered in blood from the backsplash from the shotgun blast. Sam wiped his face and walked over to the fire.

“Well yes, we don’t have the materials to fix it and the bone is completely shattered.” I sighed before turning back to the man. “I still don’t appreciate you guys making a plan without me and just leaving me to do the nurse work.” 

Dean straightened up and shot Cas a look, staying completely silent on the matter. I turned my attention to the woman who was groaning still. Her sweat was becoming worse. She looked as if she was going to die but if I worked quickly then I would have her alive and well. Well, as well as you can be with one and a half legs. 

“I’m going to need a blade if I’m going to do the procedure.” Dean nodded, pulling out an angel blade and handing it to me. 

The weight of it felt a lot heavier in my hands knowing what I was about to do. If my mind served me correctly I would have to cut off her leg at the knee which was far above where she had hurt her leg. But it was the only way I knew how to get a clean cute. One that would relive her from all of her pain without getting bone fragments in her skin and muscles. I looked her over before walking over to the fire and placed the blade into the coals. 

“Do we have any sting and a needle?”

Dean pulled out a first aid kit and tossed it to me. I pulled the blade out of the fire and waited for it to cool off a bit before cutting into the leg. I didn’t want to fully burn her leg, just hot enough to make sure I cauterized the wound. Dean pulled off his shirt and tossed it to me. I gave the woman his shirt almost shoving it in her mouth.

“This is going to hurt a little…well, it’s going to hurt a lot. Try not to scream too loudly.”

Samantha nodded and turned her attention to the ceiling, her hands clenching into fists at her side. I took the blade in my hand and felt around for the joint with my other. As soon as I located the joint, I kept a finger on it then began slicing into her skin. Samantha yelped out and tears formed at the corners of her eyes. Dean sat down next to the woman and held one of her fists. 

It took awhile to slice through the muscle and connective tissue. Samantha made us stop every so often due to pain as I didn’t want her passing out from it and tapped my hand to make me stop. I cleaned my blade every so often as well to make sure I was still getting a good cut through her thigh. But soon her shin was separated from her thigh. I took some of the skin from her shin and used it to cover up the opened muscle, bone and blood vessels. 

“There you go, all better…at least as good as I can make it.” I smiled at the woman and pulled the shirt out of her mouth.

“So I think I can walk again?” Samantha’s eyes drifted to mine, wiping the tears from her eyes. 

“Of course, you’re not paralyzed. You will have to relearn how to walk without half of a leg but that shouldn’t be all that hard.”

“How do you know,” I lifted the woman into a sitting position so that she could look at my handiwork. “You didn’t just lose half a leg.” 

“But I did have to relearn how to walk, didn’t help much though. Can’t fix bones that have already been fused, you know? But I’ll help you as much as we can. Right now I have to track down that friend of yours.”

“Who’s next?” Dean rubbed his hands together. I straightened my back and cracked my knuckles.

“A man named Robert Johnson, another musician. Since you decided to go behind my back, you’re on watch duty for Samantha. Cas will stay behind as well. Sam, you’re coming with James and I into town.” 

“You’re putting us on house arrest for saving your life?” Dean growled lightly as he glared at me.

“You backed me up when I said I wanted to take this case then you sneak around and send me off as soon as the going gets tough. I am the leader on this case Dean. You don’t get to call the shots around here anymore, okay?”

Dean raised his hands up into the air, “Okay, okay. It was wrong of me to go behind your back and I’m sorry.” 

His voice didn’t seem sincere but I let it go, slinging my bag over my back. 

~

“You shouldn’t have been so hard on Dean.” Sam walked down the sidewalk with us, hugging the side farthest away from the street.

“He went behind my back and so did you. All three of you did when this is my hunt and I get to call the shots. If I am ever to be out on my own I’m going to have to call the shots but when I have nothing but insubordinate little shits underneath me that doesn’t help.” 

Sam raised his hands in the air and turned to the pieces of paper that were littering the wall. I stopped with him and checked it out as well, practically yanking James over to the wall with me. He quickly put a hand on my shoulder to steady himself. My eyes followed Sam’s eyes to one paper on the wall advertising Robert Johnson playing at a high end club. 

“Welp, that’s our guy,” I crossed my arms and tilted my head. “Another party where we need tickets.” 

“Think we’ll be able to get in on such short notice?” 

Sam crossed his arms as he studied the poster on the wall. James looked around and pointed to a small booth across the street. 

“Think they have the tickets?” James had already begun walking across the street. 

Well I guess it’s our lucky day. My head pounded just ever so slightly as if someone was pounding on my skull from the inside. I followed James across the street and to the booth that held the man and some posters advertising the same thing.

“Three tickets for the Robert Johnson party tonight.” I smiled and dug around in my pocket for period appropriate money. 

“I’m sorry miss, I only have two tickets left for tonight.” The man looked at me and smiled politely. His face held some shock behind the nice smile he gave me. He handed me the change back, still holding the polite smile that he had on his face. 

“Then I’ll just take the two then,” I handed over the money and took the tickets from the man’s hands. I shoved the tickets into my pocket and turned back to the men behind me. “We have a few more hours before the concert and we need to get some more appropriate clothing than these rags.”

“Should we also get some medical supplies so we have them on hand for Samantha?” 

I had totally forgot about her, “Oh yeah, we’ll have to clean out her wounds every so often, keep it from getting infected.”

The three of us headed down the street, just window shopping for the right place to get the first aid supplies and some clothing for whoever would be joining me tonight. I kept bumping into Sam’s side and tried to walk straight. Sam placed a hand on my shoulder and smiled down at me. 

“I think we need to get you a cane or something,” Sam joked, winking down at me. 

“I don’t want to be this young guy with a fucking cane.” I wrapped my hand around his elbow and kept myself steady. 

“You’ll look stylish with a cane here. Maybe we’ll get you one for tonight.” Sam chuckled and smiled at me. 

“Maybe I will, maybe I won’t.” I giggled and kept my body against him. James also looked at the two of us before turning his eyes to the ground in front of him.

“James, are you going to come with me tonight or am I going to have to ask Sam?”

Sam chuckled again and looked down at me with a wide grin plastered all over his face, “Am I that bad of a date?”

“Prom night comes to mind.” I giggled and smiled up at him. I could tell that he was reminiscing about that night as well. 

“I didn’t think it would be that bad and neither did Dean. It wasn’t our fault that the principle found us out.” 

“He wouldn’t have found us out if you didn’t sneak into the library and Dean didn’t have to get shit faced.” 

I chuckled lightly, Sam joining in after a bit. James just stood at the two of us and chuckled awkwardly in an attempt to join in. I smiled lightly and patted the man on the shoulder. He smiled, leaning into me as we stumbled down the sidewalk. The three of us sat down on a bench outside of a park. My eyes scanned over the greenery and smiled as I took a deep breath in. The air I took in was a lot fresher than when I was back home. We kept sitting there for a little bit. 

“I think we should find something first before we head back. We can’t be sitting on our asses anymore.” I stood up from the bench and stretched. 

“Okay, I saw a store about a block back that didn’t look too expensive and there should be a drugstore or something like that around here somewhere.”

“Okay,” Sam and James stood from the bench and walked with me back towards the stores. I kept my eyes ahead and away from the men on either side of me. 

~

“You four are going to stay here. James and I are going out to the party.”

“And the only reason you’re taking the guy we just met is because we ‘betrayed’ you?” 

I pulled on my suit jacket on and turned to James, “Yes, and I need someone to watch Samantha.” 

Dean sighed, rubbing his temples and pacing around the injured woman, “Can at least one of us come? One.” 

“No, you’d only compromise the mission more than you already have.” 

“Fine then, we’ll stay here…but I wont be fucking happy about it,” Dean paused, his face softening. “If there’s pie, can you at least get me some for me?”

“I’ll see if I can get some out of there if there is any. I’m not guaranteeing anything.”

~

I tilted my head to the side as I stood at the front of the house that was holding the party. James took my hand in his and led me inside. We handed our tickets to a woman standing at the door. She gave us a kind smile but didn’t lift her eyesight up any further than our knees. Her crimson hair covered her face.

I entered into the foyer. The party was already lively as we had gotten to the party fashionably late…well, we didn’t really know where the party was going to be so we had to try to find the house that it was being held in. But we had made it nonetheless. Music bounced off of the walls but the chatter from the people almost drowned it out.

“Looks expensive,” I whispered. 

The house gave off an almost golden glow. James wrapped an arm around me and ushered me into the living room. 

We brushed elbows with women wearing hoop skirts and lavish fabrics. Their hair was pulled back into elaborate hair styles. The men wore plain and simple suits, much like James and I. Their hair was slicked back as much as possible. Dark skinned men walked around holding trays. Their gate was stiff and robotic. Their eyes didn’t even meet mine even if my skin was closer to theirs then my much paler counterparts. My eyes scanned over each one of them in hope of finding the woman who had brought us here. 

“You sure we’re at the right house?” James asked lowly as he leaned down to my ear so that I could hear his question better.

“I think we are, this is the only house we found with a party going on.”

We kept walking around the house in attempts of finding our guy and our woman. But after an hour, there was no progress. Elizabeth was nowhere to be found and neither was her victim. I kept my eyes on every face. James watched out for other people so I didn’t bump into anyone while I scanned the faces in the rooms. 

“Are we sure? I don’t see the woman you described to me.” James brushed against my shoulder. A heat rushed to my cheeks as he did so. 

“I am completely sure that this is the party. I already told you that this is the only party we saw.” 

I sat down on a chair and waited for more people to come into the party. All I could do was hope that we weren’t the last people to come in. Maybe if Dean was here I would have a better time locating this bitch. I couldn’t see the foyer from where I was. I didn’t think that James could see the foyer either. I sat back and waited which was all I could do but my nerves were through the roof. My leg bounced up and down to get out the nerves that I was holding in. 

My eyes kept scanning the room and hoping for any familiar face to pop up. Minutes passed and turned into hours. The sun began to come up and there still wasn’t any sign of the man we had come to see. People left the house, heading home with tired eyes and full bellies. James rubbed my shoulders gently as we stood up from our seats. We were some of the last few people in the house. Others were passed out on couches and chairs, one person was even sleeping on the stairs.

“I fucked up, this is the worst. I couldn’t even find him…” I stumbled out of the house with James, tears threatening to spill out of my eyes. 

“It’s okay, you were wrong and that’s okay.” James continued to rub my shoulders. 

My eyes lifted up as we walked down the suspiciously empty street. James caught my eye, hands dropping down to mine. The air stood still, not even breeze. My eyes shifted to either side in hopes of finding someone other than the two of us. No one else but us was on the street. I reached down and picked up a piece of wood. I didn’t think about grabbing a knife. Even if I did think to grab one, there would have been no way to safely store it. 

“Is anyone there?” I called out into the empty street. My voice echoed off of the bare buildings. Papers rustled in response to my question. My eyes shot around in hopes of finding someone but my eyes couldn’t land on anyone. 

“Where did everyone go?” James stepped behind me as if to protect himself from the unknown threat. I didn’t even answer the man behind me. The air around us too silent and too perfect for me to break it up. I kept my eyes back and waited for something more to happen. 

My heart thumped against my chest. My ribs rattled in protest at every beat. I dropped to my knees as I clenched my chest as I waited for someone-or something-to come out of the shadows. I could feel someone watching us, the hairs on the back of my neck standing up. I stood up, brandishing the wooden piece around as I turned on the spot. 

“Come out you coward,” I screamed into the silence. “We know you’re here, bitch.” 

Elizabeth stepped out into the street. Her heels clacked against the cobblestone. She held an angel blade in her hand. Blood dripped down the blade and She twirled it between her fingers dangerously as if she were getting ready to chuck it at our chests. I backed away from her, arm in front of James’s chest. Elizabeth had changed. Her blonde hair was now out of its slicked back bun and reached her shoulders in loose waves. Her skirt was ripped in multiple places but some how she made it work. The sleeves of her dress were ripped off showing buff arms. The dress sleeves had made her arms look daintier then what I had originally thought. Her dress was soaked in blood and stained with the red substance as well. 

“I think you’re too little too late to save your friend. Spiked the champagne with a little spell to make the partygoers forget that they were there to see the poor man. No one seems to remember these men, the first three victims of my little curse. It’s a shame though, they were really talented and it’s really a shame that they aren’t recognized for their talent. But, oh well, they needed to die anyhow.” 

“They didn’t deserve to die and we both know that Elizabeth. They deserved a happy life way beyond the age they lived.”

“But they didn’t because they’re all apart of the industry that scorned me,” Elizabeth placed a finger on the tip of the knife. 

“What did you just say?” I stepped up to Elizabeth, looking into her eyes. 

“Oh, nothing.” Elizabeth played coy as she twirled the knife between her fingers once again flicking a few drops of blood towards us. 

“You just said that they were apart of the industry that scorned you. How?”

We received no response from the woman. She lifted up her skirt and waltzed around me. I took a deep breath and attempted to look the woman in the eyes. Her smile was almost sinister and it gave me a sense of unease. My body swayed back and forth as my eyes shut. Her hand landed on my shoulder and my eyes spurned open with my head pounding. 

~

A chill ran up my back as a cold wind blew past me. The sounds of cars moving came from below me. I pulled the jacket I was wearing around me, opening my eyes up. A familiar skyline opened out in front of me but one thing was missing…the famed sign that came with it. I took a step back. The clang of metal told me where I was. My stomach sank to my feet and my heart replaced my stomach. A woman yelped, the sound as clear as day. 

“Can you move for me please, sir?” The same woman’s voice shouted down to me. 

I turned to the sound of the voice and looked up to her as she teetered at the top of the H in the Hollywood sign, “Ma’am are you on drugs?” 

She sniffled and wiped her tears as her body swayed with the wind, “No, I’m not on drugs.”

“Then can you come down for me please?” I extended a hand up to the woman who I knew I couldn’t reach. 

The woman walked over to the ladder and climbed down. I rushed to the other side of the H, helping her down. She smiled and looked at me, my hands wrapped around her waist to help her down. Her cheeks were stained with tears and her eyes were swollen. She had been crying for a while. Her cheeks and eyes were stained red. Her whole body was shaking and I couldn’t tell if she was shaking from the cold or from crying. I shrugged off my jacket and placed it around her shoulders. The woman gave me a weak smile and leaned into my warmth, tears spilling out almost involuntarily. 

“What’s wrong sweetie?” I whispered into her ear but that only brought more tears. I could feel them soaking my shirt already even after a few moments. All I could do was just rub her back in hopes of calming the woman down. 

“My-my life…it’s destroyed now.” The woman whispered into my chest.

“How?” I was no good with asking people about why they were upset. I didn’t nessicarily follow the right social cues but this didn’t seem to phase the woman in her arms. She sniffled and pulled back to look into my eyes. 

“My career, it went up in flames. I didn’t get the role…I never get the role. Just another stupid stage actress out of work. My dreams are done, mother was right. I never should have been this stupid. Acting is for the pretty ones, not anyone with talent,” The woman rambled to me. 

“Peg…,” The word dripped off of my lips before I could even catch myself. I hadn’t put together the pieces until just now but everything matched up. She was the only famous suicide that the Hollywood sign had claimed. 

The woman’s eyes drifted up to mine and a smile tugged at the corners of her lips, “Yes? And how might I know you.”

“You don’t,” I answered a little too quickly for my own liking. “I’m just a fan and I wanted to see the same skyline you look at.” 

Peg gave me a soft smile, “Then I apologize for the state I’m in. No fan should see me like this.” 

“It’s okay, you’re going to be okay.” I whispered into her ear and held her, rocking her back and forth. “Want to look out at the skyline at me?”

She nodded and leaned her body into mine, smiling up at me. We smiled and looked down at the woman in my arms. Objectively beautiful with a lithe dancers body. Her eyes sparked in the light of the small city below me. It wasn’t as big as I had once seen before. It was a lot smaller and a lot less full of light but the woman next to me didn’t know any different. It was the same Hollywood that she had come to. 

“I don’t think I can change your mind about throwing yourself off of that H, can I?” 

I couldn’t change history, even if I so badly wanted to keep her from killing herself, I couldn’t. I had no idea what kind of future I would create if she lived. If she lived, I could be creating the worst future possible…or the best future possible. But it was not a risk I was willing to take. 

“I don’t think so at all,” She turned back to me and sighed. “I think it’s a pretty set thing.”

I nodded and turned my back to the woman. The familiar clang of her feet on the ladder sealed her fate. A deep sigh came from the top of the familiar letter the nothing for a second or two then the sound of bones crushing. A gasping sound came out of the woman’s lungs. She struggled to take her last few breaths, looking at me as I turned back to the mangled body. Her eyes rolled over to mine, searching mine for something. I wanted to touch the body that was now outstretched in front of me but messing with her even more would just be a bad idea. It would be marking my own presence on the woman. It would come back to haunt me if I did. 

~

“Are you her?” I looked into Elizabeth’s eyes trying to figure out why she had shown me that. 

“I was at one point…before I was reborn into this form.” Elizabeth smiled at my form. 

“Good,” I stepped away from the woman and walked over to James as the facade of silence faded away from the two of us. 

~

“She was who at one point?” Dean paced back and forth in front of the woman. 

“Peg Entwistle, she was an American stage actress who tried to make it as a film actress but was rejected. Her fiancé left her and she was left all alone. She killed herself by jumping off of the H in the Hollywood sign.” 

“And how do you think she fits into this whole Elizabeth thing?” Sam turned his head to meet my eyes.

“I think Elizabeth was her in a past life or something. Peg was the one who was ‘scorned by the industry’ in a sense and it would make sense of her to be the one who would have a vendetta against the whole thing. It would be the only thing that would make any sense. Elizabeth has no connection to the industry as a whole.” 

“And you are absolutely sure about this?” Dean sat down on a bucket and looked at me. I leaned back, averting eye contact with the man.

“I am ninety-nine percent sure about this and confident enough to just keep chugging along.” 

Dean shook his head, rubbing his temples, “We can’t keep going on like this.”

“Then don’t Dean, don’t but I’m going to keep going. But you’re forever going to be a coward in my mind.” 

“A coward? I am no coward!” Dean shot up, the bucket flying against the wall behind him. 

“But you are! Things get tough and you want to back out like you always have.”

“Because this shit goes way deeper than anything we could have thought. This isn’t something we can tackle alone, and definitely not on your first damn hunt. We need to go home, no ifs, ands or buts about it.” 

“We are staying here and you are not going to leave until I tell you to leave. Cas,” The shy angel looked up at me. “You are not to take Sam and Dean home unless I specifically state and you’re going to stay with me at all times. You are not to leave my side unless I say so.”

“Noah…,” Cas looked at me with soft eyes and wrung his hands together.

“No, that’s the plan and that is what’s going to happen. Dean doesn’t call the shots and he won’t this entire hunt. He is here as an onlooker, do you understand?”

Anger bubbled in my chest as I looked between the trio of experienced hunters. Sam shifted on his feet and nodded just enough of the other two hunters and I to notice. Cas followed suit and nodded as well. Dean, now outnumbered, sighed. His eyes softened as he looked up at me. He gave me a stern nod before turning back to the woman in the bed. 

A sinking feeling came to my stomach. A wind blew through the house springing us into action and out of our argument. I turned around, pushing James back towards Samantha but he just appeared right next to me. His eyes caught mine as I picked up one of the blades lying about. 

Elizabeth stepped out of the shadows. The head of her current victim in her hand. His eyes were still open, searing into mine. I tried to look away but couldn’t. It was some sick joke that I couldn’t turn away from the face. A smile was on her face as she sauntered towards us.

“Please,” My voice was shaky and tired. “Please stop taunting us.” 

“Why wouldn’t I want to do this,” Elizabeth tilted her head to the side. “This is fun.” 

“This isn’t fun, not to any of us,” Dean gripped the blade in his hands and smiled. “What the hell do you want?”

“I don’t want anything really other than chaos…and revenge,” Elizabeth smiled and shifted her eyes over at me. “And I think your little friend is already onto it, aren’t you?”

“Not when you won’t give us what we want.” Tears threatened to spill out of my eyes. It was a moment of weakness for me. I hated crying in front of other people and I hated crying in general. 

“That’s all apart of the plan. It’s no fun just to torture these guys. They deserve to go to hell but you,” She looked over all of us. “Some of you have been to hell, I can smell it on you. The smell of hellfire still lingers on your skin all these years later.” 

I backed away from the woman and hid myself behind James. I looked down at my blade, chocking down some vomit. The stench of rotting flesh had finally hit my nose. I groaned and looked down at my hands in an attempt to hold back the vomit building in my throat. James held his hand out for me to take. Elizabeth smiled, dangling the head in front of my face. The vomit crawled up out of my throat and onto the floor next to me. I groaned, stumbling forward with my knife in hand. Dean dragged me back and set me down next to Samantha. 

Dean waved his blade in front of Elizabeth’s face in a vaguely threatening manner. Elizabeth lifted a blade of her own and waved it around in a mocking manner towards Dean. Dean chuckled and waltzed around the woman. A standoff of two personalities. I smiled at the metaphorical dick measuring contest. 

Elizabeth dropped the head and lunged at the man. Dean dodged and made an attempt at stabbing the woman in the side but missed. Elizabeth smiled then took aim at Dean, stabbing the man in the side. He yelped out in pain and stumbled back. Before my mind could react to what I was doing, I was on top of Dean with a hand on his wound. Sam stepped in and had his hand with the witch. He moved forward and successfully got a jab in on the woman’s side. She let out an anguished scream and charged at the moose of a man. 

“Sam!” I yelled and lifted up a hand in an attempt to stop the woman and get the man’s attention. 

Time around us froze. Sam was half turned to Dean and I. The witch’s mouth hung open in a battlecry that still hung in the air. Cas was stuck mid-stride and Samantha had lifted her body up halfway. James had also turned his body towards us. I stood up and looked at the frozen body around us. 

“How in the hell did you do that?” Dean grunted as he stood up from his position. 

“I don’t know.” My words were soft. 

Dean placed a hand on my shoulder, his other hand on his wound. We walked around the woman. My hand skimmed hers. I picked up the head and examined it. Dean made a sound of disgust as I set it back down in its place. 

“Do you know how to reverse this?” I shrugged and looked back at the frozen statues that were once humans, lifting my hand once more and the action began once more. 

“Woah,” I whispered, looking down at my hands. A soft smile appeared on my face as I turned my hands around. “What’s this all about?”

I lifted my head and looked at Cas, who was now approaching us, “What’s what all about?”

“This little angel right here just stopped time.” Dean chuckled over the grunts of his brother.

Cas raised an eyebrow and tilted his head to the side, “Noah, you did what?”

“Dean is right, I just lifted my hand and boom, time stopped. I don’t know how I did it but it just happened.”

“Guys!” Sam’s voice called out. Elizabeth was on tip of him with a knife to his throat. “I need a little help here if you three are done talking.” 

“Oh shit,” Dean pulled out his blade and drove it into the back of the woman. She screamed in agony, pulling back. She stumbled over to the head. Taking it with her as she backed away from us and disappeared in front of ours eyes. 

“Dean, sit down,” I pushed him down onto a chair with one hand and dug through the first aid kit with the other. 

Dean shrugged off his jacket and I helped him peel off his shirt. I tried to keep my hands and eyes on where his wound was. But my eyes drifted. Dean took notice and straightened up. I blushed and let my eyes drift down to the wound. 

“Okay love bugs, we need to get out of here as soon as possible so keep it moving.” 

I moved quicker and smiled as I fixed up the wound on his abdomen. I was vaguely aware of how close I was to the brother I said I didn’t love. The whole lie would eventually break down right in front of our eyes but Dean. He was set in his ways and he wouldn’t come out until he was completely ready. I had made my peace with that and I could never really make him come out without getting some slack from everyone around me. He would come out in his own time and I would have to watch him probably fall in love with someone else. 

I snapped out of my thoughts and brought myself back to reality. Dean’s eyes followed mine as I turned to the group. 

“She’s on the move again and I know she’s getting to them before we are so there’s no use in getting there before her. She’s just going to end up killing them. We need to figure out why she’s killing them and a way to stop her before she starts getting to present day where there are less people for her to make victims of the curse and less of a chance for us to catch her.”

Dean stood and crossed his arms, “It’s hard to say but Noah is right. We can’t save anyone Elizabeth gets too. We spend too much time between the six of us and if we’re going to stop her, we have to pick up the speed.” 

“And how do you propose we go about this now, Noah?” Sam turned to me, arms crossed. 

“I say we hide out at the last place these people were seen, maybe even get in contact with them before Elizabeth does. One of these days we’re going to get lucky and we’re going to get ahead of her by a lot. But right now we have to focus on getting into contact with these guys before she does.”

“Think you can do that Cas?” Dean patted the angel on the back, groaning in pain almost immediately afterwords. 

“All we can do is hope and pray.” 

I slung Samantha over my shoulder and took her over to Cas. Dean eyed the two of us up and down and smiled at me. I stood up a bit straighter, adjusting Samantha on my shoulder as I carried her around. Cas smiled and tapped my forehead.


	7. Six

I dropped Samantha to the ground. She was heavier than I expected, even with only one leg. I rubbed my back and groaned. The familiar flutter of wings altered me to the others arriving. I turned on the spot and looked at the men behind me. The group smiled and looked at me. I turned away from the man and smiled lightly as I avoided his eye contact after looking at him for way too long.

“I assume you know where the hell we are?” Sam looked me over with his arms crossed over his chest. 

“Someone’s a little sassy now aren’t we,” I turned to the man before turning back to face forward. “The second world war has just started a few years prior, we will have to dodge questions about not going off to fight, but this is the summer after the second world war had officially started. If my memory is correct, America hasn’t really joined up just yet but is ramping up and getting ready to join.” 

Sam jogged to catch up with us, “No, we joined up in ’41 and this is ’45, right? So we’re four years into the war…and it’s almost ended. The whole thing ended on September 2nd of this year. So our cover is that we just got discharged and that we’re heading home.”

“Thanks for the input Sammy,” I turned my head a little bit so that I could see the man. “Looks like I’ve got a perfect little alibi for my discharge. 

“And we’re going after another musician I presume?” 

Dean stepped into my line of sight.

“Do you think we would be going after anyone different?” Dean chuckled lowly and looked down at his outfit. 

His older suit had been replaced with a sailor’s outfit. James’ outfit had changed to a much similar one as well. Both Sam and I wore army uniforms. The name on the uniform was also a little too close to home for me. I cringed and tapped Dean on the shoulder. He took one look at me and dragged me into a diner. The others followed the two of us in, the four of them finding a seat at the counter.

Dean pulled me into a bathroom and automatically began stripping down, “What a cruel twist of fate. Fuck that fucking asshole.”

My hands worked at the buttons and zippers on my uniform, looking up at the brother, “You never even met him and you’re all up in arms about it.”

“Yeah, but he hurt you Noah. Caused all these damn problems in your life, made you never want to trust anyone ever again. He was the reason why it took you years to even talk to us, more than just a grunt or small, one word answers. He destroyed the child we had saved. God, you were so full of light and love then he came into your life and it was all over.” 

“It wasn’t wholly his fault at all. It was my cheating mother’s fault.” I peeled off my shirt and tossed it to Dean.

Dean looked up at me, his own shirt still in his hands, “Do you think James is good looking?”

“If you’re into guys who look like Greek Gods,” I tilted my head up to look Dean in the eyes. “But I prefer my men more down to earth.”

This comment brought a smile to Dean’s face. We finished exchanging our outfits before walking out of the bathroom. We drew the eyre of some of the people in the room. We had spent enough amount of time in there to begin speculation of sex. A waitress smiled at us, eyeing Dean happily. I sat down next to Sam and smiled at the Winchester brother. Sam took my hand as he looked over the army uniform that Dean now wore. He squeezed it reassuringly and gave me a slight smile.

“I am so sorry about that,” Sam whispered as I looked at the menu in front of me. “Get whatever you want, my treat.”

“Thank you Sammy, it means a lot to me.” My eyes dragged over the menu once again and sighed. I didn’t know what I wanted just yet but I guess we had a bit of time.

“We love you so much Noah,” Sam wrapped an arm around my shoulder. “And that man can never hurt you ever again.”

“I know he can’t but I still feel icky from whenever he would come into the house and lurk around.”

“What are you thinking about getting,” Sam placed his head on my shoulder to look at the menu with me. “The pancakes sound good.”

“They do,” I smiled and turned my head to place a kiss on his cheek. “I’m gonna get them.” 

A waitress with shoulder length blonde hair and frizzy victory curls walked over to us. She looked like one of those pin-up girls found in vintage magazines. I couldn’t help but look over at Dean. Dean’s eyes scanned her, biting his lip. His eyes shifted to mine and he stopped, making himself seem smaller. 

Sam wrapped an arm around me and smiled up at the waitress, “What would you two like today?” 

Before I could even open my mouth, Sam responded to the woman’s question, “We would like the pancakes and some orange juice please.” 

Sam rested his head on my shoulder and looked around, “Want to dance?” 

I pulled back a little bit in shock, “What?”

“You heard me,” Sam tilted his chin. My eyes followed his direction, landing on a jukebox. “Would you like to dance?”

“I can’t dance dude, you’ve seen that. I have two left feet.” Sam giggled and placed a hand on my shoulder. 

“Come on, humor me. Dance with me.” I giggled and stood up with Sam’s hand in mine. 

Sam dragged me over to the jukebox, leaning over and looking at the songs list. He popped in a coin and eventually he chose a song I don’t think either of us recognized but it looked nice anyways. A smile appeared on his face as he looked down at me. His arms wrapped around my waist and began drawing the eyre of other patrons. My body tensed as I kept my eyes on them. I looked around and instead of enjoying the moment, I was keeping my eyes on the patrons. Cas took Samantha’s hand and brought her over. She hobbled over to us, still clearly adjusting to her loss of balance. 

“No one is going to beat us up, Noah.” Sam whispered in my ear as he pulled me closer. 

“You don’t know how scary it is to even look gay during this time period. This isn’t 2018 and even when we come from has its own damn problems. I could get killed for this. You could get killed for this.”

Sam let out a soft sigh and pulled me closer to his chest. It didn’t make me feel a lot better but he just held me. I loved when he held me. Normally it made me feel safe but now I just felt uneasy. The eyes of the patrons and how they watched me…I felt so uneasy underneath their gaze. I kept my eyes on the people who were walking around. Cas and Samantha hobbled around, Samantha seeming to get used to the balancing act that she had to do. Cas’ eyes looked at me, turning from the normal happiness that they held and were now filled with confusion. 

“Whatcha looking at Cas?” Cas turned his eyes back to his partner and sighed. 

“I don’t know, just was staring off into space.” I nodded and turned my attention to my own partner. 

“Okay,” I dragged the word out ever so slightly and shifted my gaze down to the ground. I sighed as I watched my feet shuffle on the ground. 

After the song was over, Sam sat me back down at the counter with the food in front of our face. Cas picked another song and placed a hand on Samantha’s back. She seemed very happy to be up and dancing. I didn’t even think that she would be up and about like this a few days after her amputation. She looked very stable on one leg and it took me years to get readjusted to walking on both feet. I smiled at the sight of the angel and the human dancing around.

“I just don’t understand why you had me do that Sam.” I whispered in hopes that Dean wouldn’t hear me. 

“I saw the way Dean was looking at you and then at you. I know what the hell you two are doing. I know you two like each other even if you won’t admit it and I’m not mad at all.”

“You’re not,” My voice was still low. “So why did you act so weird about the idea of us dating?”

“I’m his brother. I have to give his potential dates a little bit of a hard time. It’s nothing against you.”

My eyes drifted to Sam’s older brother, who was flirting with another waitress, “He doesn’t seem to be very interested in me anyhow.” 

Sam sighed as he caught his brother’s eyes, lifting an eyebrow. Dean stopped and turned his attention to the two of us. His eyes widened for a moment before he mouthed “He knows, doesn’t he?” to me. I nodded, tilting my head towards the bathroom. Dean followed me into the bathroom once more. 

“Look, I don’t care that he knows that we’re together. What matters is if you don’t care about it.” 

“And I don’t.”

“Good.”

“Good,” Dean looked down. “I’m sorry that I flirted with those other women. Even if we weren’t publicly out yet, I felt like I was cheating on you but I didn’t want to make Cas and Sam suspicious.”

“I understand, Dean. You have a bit of a reputation to uphold.” 

“Not anymore. You’re mine now and I will never let anyone ever get inbetween us.” 

There was a moment of silence between the two of us before Dean closed the space between us. His hands were on my hips and pulled me up closer to him. I tilted my head up to meet the man’s green eyes and the world around me feel. Nothing else mattered anymore and it was like I was all alone with the man. 

“Mind if I?” Dean’s eyes flicked to my lips and my own eyes flicked to his. He taunted me by licking his lips. “Like what you see?”

“I always like what I see,” I fiddled with the buttons on his uniform. “But I’m always a sucker for a man in uniform.”

Dean closed the last bit of space between us and placed his lips on mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer and leaning into his warmth. That same familiar scent of Dean filled the air. I was completely intoxicated by his warmth as he pulled me as close as he could. Dean’s hands went up to the buttons on my uniform. I smiled as I did the same with his buttons. 

“Fuck Dean,” I moaned as my hands kept unbuttoning his uniform. “You look so damn hot.”

Dean chuckled as he looked me over, “I could say the same about you.”

He looked at me up and down, his hands doing just the same as he pulled my shirt off of my body. The cold of the bathroom hit me and I pulled my hands up to warm myself. Dean pulled my hands off of my body and began to kiss me all over my chest and neck. 

“You are so damn handsome,” Dean grumbled, his lips moving over my skin. “I don’t know how I got someone like you.”

“I don’t know how I got you either.” Dean smiled and looked me over. His hands still moved over my body with his eyes scanning me over. I smiled as he did so, my breath almost catching in my throat. 

Bang. Bang. Bang. The sound of someone banging on the door turned my head to the sound. Dean shushed me and pushed me against the wall. We waited a few moments before the sound of heels on the ceramic tiles made us turn back to the moment we were sharing. Dean giggled and turned back to me as he smiled down at me, pushing back a bit of my hair. 

“We should go,” I chuckled. “We don’t want me or you to get beat up, now do we?”

“No sir,” Dean raised his hand into a salute and followed me out as I twisted open the door. 

Sam had dug into the food we were supposed to be sharing. Dean returned to his seat. Samantha raised an eyebrow as I sat down as I shot a look at James who shifted uncomfortably in his seat and gave me a weak smile. I returned the smile and dug into the food.

“So, the new guy…what does he look like?” Sam’s voice was muffled by food and the hand covering his mouth. 

“Not much hair, if it’s slicked back it kind of looks bald. He’s black, oddly enough. I think he’s one of the two black men on the list and I don’t think I ever encountered any others. Just him and Louis.”

Dean looked around, “Shouldn’t be hard to find since we’re in a sea of white bread.” 

“You’d be surprised. Do you know how hard it was to find his autopsy report? I didn’t even think that there were that many Nat Jaffe’s in the world. Hell, I didn’t even think it was possible for there to be this many. Appreciate the power of me digging…or the power of more than one black man in a sea of white.” 

~

Dean and Sam followed me down the street towards the local library in hopes to search for anything that would point to us meddling around in the past. If so, we would have to take more precautions in preceding and keep our heads even lower. Of course, we weren’t taking the best precautions in keeping our heads low. James and Cas were in a hotel room attending to Samantha and making sure she was adjusting to the lack of leg. 

“So how long have you had this thing going on between you two?” Sam asked nonchalantly as he strolled into the library. 

“A few…,” Dean shot me a look as he seemed to search his brain for an acceptable answer. “On and off for a few years.”

Sam stopped in the middle of the walkway, “A few years? Really? A few years?” 

“Yeah, ever since I went away for college but he had been there since the incident at my house.”

“The ghost incident,” I nodded. “So he’s basically been-”

“No. No. No. He has not been grooming me. We both know Dean is a lot of things but he is not a pedophile. We never did anything like that before and we would just hookup while I was away at college. Our relationship was pure friendship before then.”

“So what did you do when you went over to Noah’s?” 

I picked up my pace and went over to the archives while Dean answered, “I…I would comfort Noah when he was still living with his abusive mom and her boyfriend. Some nights he would have anxiety and PTSD attacks and would want to kill himself. I would drive through the night sometimes just to be there in the morning. If I got there in the morning, I would call him out of school and we would get breakfast at an inn near where he used to live.”

Sam’s voice was soft as he turned to me, “Oh, I’m sorry Noah. I never knew that happened.”

“I don’t tell anyone because I don’t want them to pity me. I was a strong woman then and I am an even stronger man now. It’s all in the past now and your brother…he helped me so much. You should be proud of him.”

I dug through some of the old papers in an attempt to find any paper from the time periods we just came from and hoped I wouldn’t find our faces plastered all over the front page. Sam dug through some of the newspapers while Dean hung back. He never seemed interested in researching, even when it was needed of him. He just hung back and let the two of us work. I would assume we were there for hours just searching through newspaper after newspaper. Some were dudes as they weren’t national papers so they didn’t provide us with what we needed. 

Dean eventually joined us in our research, shoulder brushing up against mine as he looked over the newspapers in search of our faces and a few moments later he lifted a piece of paper and held it in front of his chest, wiggling it excitedly, “Got one.”

I snatched the paper from his hands and examined the photo. It was a black and white photo of Dean and I dancing. I didn’t even remember the photo being taken. Dean looked particularly handsome in the suit he was wearing. I, on the other hand, looked like a lovesick puppy who was going to have their heart broken sooner rather than later. Dean smiled cockily as Sam snatched the paper from my hands. Dean still wore the cocky smile on his face.

“Dean, this isn’t good. It means we have to be way more careful now because this means we can get caught,” Sam ripped out the picture and shoved it into his pocket.

We’ve always had the chance of being caught. We were chasing people who were actually famous at the time and thus this left us vulnerable to get caught. The six of us were going after people who we hoped to get close to. The chance of us getting caught was a lot higher than if we were going after some random person. Our entire livelihood could be on the line. Other hunters might try and go after angles in attempts to recapture what we did. Even if we advised against looking too deeply into conspiracy theories there would still be some of the hardheaded hunters who would go after these people. 

“And it means other hunters are going to try what I am currently making you do.”

“Some of us told you that this would be a bad idea and now the consequences are coming to bit you in the ass.”

“Thank you Sam for the vote of confidence,” I turned to Dean in hopes of him backing me up. 

“He has a point,” Dean looked at his brother. “He was a little apprehensive at first and for good reason. So was I. This is not only dangerous for us but for anyone who comes after us. Angels are going to be hunted even more than they already are in hopes of replicating this same little experiment you decided to drag the Winchester brothers into.”

“Do you know how many people are going to attempt this because you dragged us into this? We are going to be used more as an example as to why they should do it instead of why not.”

I shrunk back into myself and backed away from the brothers. Dean’s aggressive face turned softer as tears prickled in my eyes. I shrunk away from the two brothers and went to find a bathroom to cry in. I sat down on the cold flooring and just let myself cry in the bathroom. I had almost forgot that I was in uniform until someone walked in on the sight of me crying and shaking in the bathroom. 

“Got a little bit of shell shock?” The man’s voice was softer than what I had expected and it took me a full moment before I realized that I knew what shell shock was and what it was used to describe. 

I knew I had a little bit of PTSD from the abusive household I lived in but it never thought it would come in handy for explaining my stupid behavior in a bathroom. I gave the man a weak smile as I stood from my spot. Tears still clung to my cheeks. The man’s eyes dragged over me as I stumbled over to the sink. Cool water splashed against my face. 

“Yeah, shell shock.” My voice was hoarse as I tried to keep my body from shaking.

The man eyes me very carefully. My body still shook as I stumbled out of the bathroom and into the hallway. Sam and Dean waited at the end of the hall for me. Sam had his arm crossed, an angry look on his face. Dean shared a similar look with his brother. Almost instinctively I turned back around and walked the other way, not sure where I wanted to go but just to get away from the uncomfortableness that I could feel hanging in the air. 

~

I waited in a bench in a park and let myself soak up the sunlight. Birds sang and the breeze softly tussled the leaves. A shadow crossed my vision for a second. A cloud crossing the sun for a split second. The weight and heat from someone sitting down next to me caught my attention. My opened eyes and drifted over to the person next to me.

A handsome African-American man sat next to me. His hair slicked back to the point where in the right light he could be considered bald. He flashed me a toothy grin as he held a small flower close to his chest. Our eyes met for a brief moment, his feet swinging a bit. 

“Isn’t is such a nice day out?” He asked, looking at me. I nodded in agreement. 

“Yeah, it is,” I smiled as my eyes scanned the man’s face, trying to figure out where I had seen his face before but couldn’t place it. 

The new man took note of my uniform as he eyes scanned me, “When did you get home from the war?”

“Only a week or so ago. Still have a ways to go before I’m actually home. I’m originally from Cleveland.” 

“Oh, so you’re a long way from home still. I hope you are doing some site seeing while you’re here.”

“I hope so too, New York is a really pretty city. I’ve been hoping to do some site seeing but I’ve been really busy trying to find a way to see this man before I set off back home.”

“Maybe I might be able to help you,” The man stood up and extended a hand to me. “What’s the man’s name?”

“Nat Jaffe.” The man’s eyes began to smile even before his mouth peeled into a smile.

“Well I think God must’ve had a plan foe us today since I am him.” I took the man’s hand and he helped me up. 

“I guess He is,” I racked my mind for any explanation of this phenomenon. It could be just some sort of coincidence but I didn’t seem to take it lightly. Nothing in my life had ever been this planned out. Nor has anything ever been a coincidence in my life. Everything has happened for a reason and now I was going off with this man who just so happened to fall into my laugh. 

“Maybe I can show you around the city since you don’t seem to be too keen on walking around alone.”

“It is always awkward walking around alone. Are you a local?” 

I already knew the answer but didn’t want to sound like I was a super-fan or someone who had been stalking him. 

“Yeah, I am a local. I know all of the hotspots in the city and today is your lucky day. I am definitely going to make your day a lot better by taking you around.”

A small smile appeared on my face as we walked around the park for a little while to take in the sun and a few of the sights around us. I assumed by how many people were around me and by how busy the park was around me, we were walking through the beginnings of what would be one of the most famous parks in America, maybe one of the most of the famous parks in the world. A few men around me began to shoot me looks. Maybe it was because I was hanging out with a man who was black or if it was because I was with a man at all. 

“It’s a great day, isn’t it?” I smiled as we passed by a man selling newspapers to get a more accurate date passing him a few coins out of the pocket of he uniform I wore and took a look at it. 

August 5th, 1945. My eyes drifted over to the man next to me, a smile still on his face. He caught my eyes, my lips forming into a fake smile in hopes of throwing the man off of my scent just a little bit. If I left now, I would look rude and loose Nat to Elizabeth. I couldn’t leave him but my heart sank as I watched him move down the street with me. He was going to die today. I was going to have to watch him die. Maybe by Elizabeth’s hands or by the hands of fate.

“What’s your name?” Nat turned his head to me and smiled as he extended a hand towards me. “Considering you already know my name.”

“Well, my name is…,” I looked down at the name on my uniform. In nice block letters was James Hunter. “James, James Hunter.”

Nat looked me up and down, eyeing me as he chuckled lightly, “You don’t seem too sure about that.”

“Sorry, I have some memory issues. Got hit on the head by something…artillery shell…foot…I don’t really remember but I got hit in the head.”

“Well then, I am hoping you are going to be okay soon,” Nat patted my shoulder. “I lived in Berlin for awhile before the war broke out. I’m glad I did too. Heard they were killing people like me along with the Jews.”

My voice turned somber as I turned to the man to face me, “I’m glad you did too.”

“There’s a bit of fun to be had here but we’re going to have to wait until nighttime before anything actually happens but I’m sure we can find something to do.” 

I waited for the man to leave my side but he didn’t we kept walking together. We moved forward as people passed us. I would have to get into contact with Sam and Dean at one point. They were probably searching for me and what I was doing. I knew that I would worry them sick if I didn’t tell them where I was and what I was doing. My eyes drifted to the ground as I tried to figure out what to do. The brothers were probably somewhere near the library and couldn’t have gotten far. I couldn’t have gotten far and they should’ve caught up to me by now if they were going after me as soon as I left the library. 

They had seen me, right? Those figures were them, right? I’ll find them soon. I have to find them soon. Otherwise I’m all alone and I can’t do this all alone. Sam! Sam has my notes. He looked at my notes and so did Cas. They would have had to have known anything about it. They should know where to find me if the history around me changes. 

Another headache surged through my head. Still felt like someone was pressing against my head. My eyes darted around to look for the source of the headache. I groaned slightly, just enough for someone to hear but not enough for anyone to take note of it. My eyes moved over to the other side of the room. I shifted a little bit more as I locked eyes with the man next to him. 

I put my faith in the book smart Winchester brother and the angel with a good heart and prayed that they would catch up to me soon, if at all. They would have to find me soon. It was a big city but we were bound to meet up soon. Sam and Dean were master hunters if there even was a thing. They were very easily able to find anyone within a few hours and I hoped they would do the same for me. I had never vanished without a trace before though but they do know I would never vanish without telling them first.

Nat moved with me and weaved through the throng of people with me. A small smile appeared on my face as the man looked back at me. For once, I didn’t think about the hunt at hand and just allowed myself to enjoy the moments I spent with the man who was soon to die. Nat wrapped his hand around mine and dragged me to a man selling hot dogs. 

Nat raised two fingers in the air, “Two hot dogs please. One with mustard and ketchup and the other with…”

“The same please,” I dug into my pocket for a few coins and brought it out but Nat shook his head. 

“Today is on me. You fought for America in the war and you’re here on a visit, no way I’m going to let you pay for anything.”

Nat gave the man the coins and flashed me a huge smile. This brought a smile to my face even though the uniform was a lie and actually a crime. Our eyes caught as the man made the hot dogs. I turned my attention to the man and fiddled with the hem of my shirt. Nat’s eyes trailed to the people passing by who tossed some not very friendly looks and once again, I was very aware of the color of my skin. My eyes moved to my hands as a few men walked passed us. I didn’t want to be beaten up today but it seemed inevitable. 

“Don’t pay them any mind, they’re just looking at me,” Nat flashed another smile at me as he took the hot dogs and started walking away, turning his head over his shoulder. “Are you coming?”

I jolted out of my thoughts and jogged to catch up with him, shaking my head, “Yeah, sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Nat handed me my hot dog before biting into his. “Just was wondering.”

I bit into my hot dog and smiled at the man as I wiped some mustard off of my cheek. We continually walked down the streets of New York for a few hours, stopping every now and again to take in the sights and sounds of the busy streets. I had already lost track of time, the minutes turning into hours. The sun was already setting in the distance. Worry had set in when Sam and Dean didn’t come and get me. Maybe they assumed I was taken or killed and left me here to die basically. 

Nat took me into a nightclub hidden within the streets of New York. I turned my attention to the street, eyes scanning where I was before we headed down the stairs and through the door into the speakeasy. My eyes dragged down to the floor and didn’t look up until I was behind Nat. People began to walk up to the man and hug him. Noticeably there were no white people, segregation still being a thing. I backed into a corner of the room as Nat greeted people. 

“You a wallflower, aren’t you,” A man looked over at me as he extended a drink to me. I took it and faked a sip for his comfort. 

“Man of two worlds. Don’t fit in here and don’t fit in out there,” I tilted my chin to the door and set the drink down on a nearby table. 

“Well then, I assume you are an illegal child then. Might need to turn in your parents.” The man chuckled and took another sip of his drink. 

I couldn’t tell if he was being completely serious of not but his eyes, they were trained on my skin. It was pretty easy to tell that I was a mixed child and I completely forgot that my skin color might not be the most accepted thing at the time. My eyes moved to the corners of the room in hopes of finding the man I came in with but could not land any eyes on him. My heart sank before racing up as my eyes looked around the small speakeasy, smoke distorting my vision.

My eyes finally landed on the man I had come in with, a wave of relief spilling over me as I looked into the man’s eyes. He winked and turned back to whomever he was speaking with. I smiled and turned back to the man who was supposed to be speaking with me. I guess the few seconds of uncomfortable silence made him turn his attention away from me as he was now speaking to a woman in a tight dress, one uncharacteristic for the time, so I turned my attention back to the man and kept a trained eye on the man all night. 

Drinks flowed and conversation got louder as the night went on. I kept myself as sober as possible in hopes of catching the woman who was killing all of these people away. Nat, drunk off his ass, leaned on me later in the night and mumbled incoherently. A few women tried to hit on me but I just brushed them off. As pretty as they were, I wasn’t attracted to them in the way they wanted me to be attracted to them. 

A waitress brought over another round of drinks to which Nat took both and downed them faster than anyone I had ever seen them. Nat gagged and threw up on my shoes. I lifted him up over my shoulders, “Alright, time to go.” 

I walked out into the still bustling streets, the lights and sounds of the same New York I had seen only once before. It was beautiful to think that this would turn into the hub for people who wanted to make it in the fashion industry. Maybe that was already happening but I had no way to verify that. Nat hung limply on my shoulders, groaning and mumbling incoherently. I smiled and kept walking down the streets, wandering around in hopes of finding some sort of way back to Central Park, the only place I knew. 

“Go up fifty-sixth street.” The first coherent sentence I had heard in awhile. I shrugged, adjusting my grip on the man and headed up the street Nat told me to go up.

This went on for a few streets before we landed right in front of a small apartment building, nothing like the ones I had seen when I was there when I was a kid. Nat dug in his pocket and dropped some keys into my hands. I fumbled around with the keys before finding the right one. We walked up a few flights of stairs before I found the right apartment. The door was already propped open as if someone was already inside. My eyes and ears perked up as I walked into the apartment, dropping Nat on the couch. Familiar voices echoed from the kitchen area, a light coming from the same area.

“Sam? Dean? Cas?” I called out into the air. Shuffling came from the kitchen and Dean poked his head around the corner. 

“Where have you been? We’ve been looking all day for you. You fucking scared us. We thought you were-” Dean stopped as soon as his eyes landed on the man on the couch. “You found him.”

“Yeah, ran into him and spent all day with him. Just brought him home because he’s drunk off his ass.” 

“You had us all worried, Noah,” Dean whispered as he looked at me all over. A scan for any injuries. 

“I know I did, but if I left Nat alone I thought Elizabeth might end up hurting him. Now he can die in peace.”

“Die in peace? There is no dying in peace with these guys. This are horrible deaths for the most part.”

“And how do you know that these are horrible deaths, Dean?” I tilted my head to the side as I looked him in the eyes. 

“I don’t. I don’t know but from what I’ve been hearing from Cas and Sam, it’s not good and it never has been for these guys,” Dean lowered his voice so that Nat couldn’t hear us. “Like you said, these guys die from drug overdoses and heart diseases. This is never going to be fun for them and they’re going to die at this age no matter what you do. This entire thing is stupid, this entire club is stupid. We need to leave these guys alone.”

“Like I said before, you can leave me to do this alone. You don’t have to be here with me but this is something I need to do.”

“And why do you need to do this, Noah? Why?” Dean placed his hands on my shoulders and shook me a bit.

“I told you already, I feel this pull to these people. It’s hard to explain unless you’ve felt it before but it feels like if I don’t solve this then…”

“See? You don’t even have a good reason for finishing this, please just come home with us. We can’t keep going like this.”

“And let a witch wreck havoc on these men? Let them get tortured and killed?”

Dean sighed as he shot a look at the drunk man on the couch and tapped his fingers on his biceps, “I mean, no but this is as dangerous and I don’t want you to get hurt. You’re the love of my life, Noah.”

I looked around the room in hopes of finding someone that might be an excuse to not get even closer to him, “Dean, you can’t say that kind of stuff around witnesses.” Dean chuckled and wrapped his arms around me, kissing the top of my head. 

“Come on, let’s go show Cas and Sam. You’ll probably have to explain thes to them as well.”

Dean lead me into the kitchen where the rest of our group sat at the table eating dinner with a teary eyed woman. Sam and Cas looked up at me and smiled. There was already two more plates sitting at the table as if she were waiting for us. The woman lifted her eyes and looked at me, hardened eyes turning soft for a moment. 

“He’s here,” I reassured her. “He’s here, safe and sound. He’s a little drunk, he was showing me around the city and got a little carried away but he’s here.”

The woman smiled and shot up out of her seat, flying into the living room. A piercing scream following not long after. I didn’t even have the chance to sit down before we all flew into the living room after her. The scream was justified. Nat sat on the couch, right there I left him, completely lifeless and dead. I took in a deep breath and looked back at Dean, just catching the woman turning her attention to us, and more specifically me. 

“Get out! You killed him!” She shrieked as my eyes widened in Dean’s direction. I could almost feel the anger radiating off of her. I could almost taste it 

Almost instinctively Dean wrapped an arm around me and pulled me closer to the angel. Sam laced his back against mine, pulling James and Samantha in the same direction. With that, Cas got us and flew us out of there with no lasting repercussions. At least not that I knew of…for now.


	8. Seven

“What the hell were you thinking Noah? Going out like that without any supervision?” Cas sat down on a couch and closed his eyes. He was in no position to argue with me and it seemed we both knew it. 

“If your buddies here hadn’t been yelling at me like I was some kind of child then maybe I wouldn’t have.” 

“If you hadn’t convinced loverboy over there we wouldn’t even be in this situation and yet here we are.” 

“We were kind of…harsh on him when we didn’t mean to.” Sam’s voice was softer than what I had expected to come from the man.

“That doesn’t fucking matter Sam, he could have been killed or worse…stuck in the past!”

“I knew you would have found me at one point. I knew you were skilled hunter and you would find me eventually, okay? I wasn’t going to just panic when Nat took me off like that. I had to go along with it. Would you want him to be taken by Elizabeth instead of us?”

Cas crossed his arms and turned to Dean, “We need to keep Noah under our watch at all times.”

“Oh? Like a little kid? No. There is no way you’re doing that. We can’t do that. Do you want to see 

Dean didn’t speak up as Cas laid down on the bed, walking over to the kitchen to see if there was any food. His eyes avoided mine as he scanned the group of us over our shoulder. Samantha walked over to a chair and sat herself down, eyes moving up to mine. She gave me a sweet smile as James folded his wings against his body. The smoldering wings singed his clothes. Sam took note of the burning clothing and lifted a finger. 

“His wings seem to be on fire, smoldering and charred but oddly enough they’re completely in tact. He could probably fly if he wanted to but of course, he doesn’t seem to know about the whole angel thing.”

Sam nodded gravely. I walked over to the stairs and headed up in hopes of finding a linen closet. If I could find that, I would be able to set up the beds and couches for tonight. As I looked through the closets and doors, the stairs behind me creaked. My hand touched the cool metal of my blade as I wiped around and took it out of my pocket. James raised his hands in defense and waited for me to put my blade down. 

“Don’t sneak up on me like that James,” I shut the door to the closet behind me. “I could have killed you.”

“I heard you mention that I was an angel…is that true?” 

He tilted his head to the side. 

“We don’t know just yet but you do have wings which means you’re probably something with wings which could mean anything but I’m leaning towards angel right now.” 

“Angel? But I’m human. I’ve always been human. I’m not anything special.” James’ eyes searched mine and I shrugged. 

“I don’t know man but the angel in the room can see your wings and so can I so I don’t know what that means for any of us but I don’t think it’s anything particularly good.” 

“What do you mean by that?” James backed into the wall and curled into his chest, his eyes dropping to the ground.

“Humans like me aren’t supposed to see your wings but I am the only human here who can see them, so again, I have no idea what that means for any of us.”

“But I can’t see them so isn’t that a little bit concerning?” 

James tilted his head as he lifted his head up. 

“I think it might be but we would have to ask Cas about that,” James’ eyes glinted with hope as he looked at me.

“Can you tell me what they look like?” James asked excitedly before catching my eyes. “I mean…if you want to, you don’t have to.”

I paused for a moment as I took in his wings, “They’re black but I don’t think that was their original color. Maybe they were white or a dark red. Now they seem to be on fire. They’re smoking but I see no flames. All of your feathers are still in tact so you can still fly if you wanted to.”

“Can you touch them? I want to see if I can feel anything in them.” James’ words were cautious as I kept looking at the wings. 

I nodded slowly and got closer to the man. Our eyes met, my body almost crumbled under the gaze of the angel. I reached out and wrapped my arm around the man’s body to reach his shoulder blade. His wings weren’t hot like I had expected. They just smoked as if they were hot. My hand reached up and touched where the wing met his shoulder blade. He smiled. A soft moan fell from his perfect pink lips. 

“I don’t think he’s much of an angel if he is one,” I yanked my hand back and let it rest at my side. Cas stood at the top of the stairs with his arms crossed. His eyes scanned the same wings I had just been looking at. He moved slowly as he walked up to James and I. His eyes never left the wings. His eyes flickered off of the wings towards mine. I backed away and kept my eyes on the ground in front of me. “I thought you were looking for blankets.”

“I was but then James and I started talking, do you have a problem with that?”

“Not nessicarily.” The angel paused as he took another look at the two of us. “Dean is almost done with dinner.” 

The angel walked back down the stairs, shaking his head and mumbling something about his father. I turned back to James and gave him a soft smile. “I’m sorry about Cas. He’s not the soft and fuzzy type…well he can be if he wants to.”

“I understand, I mean, how often is it that someone with wings comes in and your only explanation is that they’re an angel?” James paused for a moment before turning his attention back to me. “Cas is short for Castiel isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but don’t catch him using his full name like that. It’s as weird as calling my Sam, Samuel.”

“Cool, so that means he’s a real angel. At least, I think so…how do I know that I’m not going crazy.” He smiled, turning on his heel and heading back down the stairs.

“You don’t and you just have to trust us which you probably shouldn’t but considering that we’re just some time traveling weirdos who are just telling you all of this.” 

Dean’s dinner was beautifully made and better than what I would have expected coming from a man who had trouble making anything more complicated that frozen stuff. He smiled at me from across the table from time to time but never for much longer than a few seconds. The hunter seemed farther away than what I had wanted. We hadn’t spoken much since the whole mission started and we weren’t always the best communicators. But the new silence between us was disturbing to me.

“Holding up okay, Noah?” Sam passed me some greens and faked a wide smile for the sake of conversation.

“Yeah, I’m doing just fine. Peachy. Are you holding up okay there Sam?”

“Yeah, doing just fine. Thanks,” Sam took a bite of his salad and turned to Dean, raising an eyebrow at the unusually quiet man. “How are you holding up Dean-o?”

“Fine.” Simple and to the point. I looked down at the food on my plate, picking at my food. 

Sam placed a hand on my free hand, the large hand engulfing my slightly smaller one, his eyes drifting down to it. He took a moment to look at the bruises that never went away and scares on it. I balled my hand up and pulled it into my lap. Sam smiled awkwardly and turned back to the angel. Cas sat at the head of the table, not eating as per usual. He smiled down at James and Samantha but still didn’t eat while the other angel stuffed his face with food.

~

I splashed my face with cool water, fumbling around for a towel to dry my face with. The feeling of the towel on my hand coming a few seconds later. I smiled and patted my face dry, opening up my eyes. Dean leaned against the doorframe, perfectly shirtless and only wearing boxers. He smiled cockily at me as he lifted his toothbrush up. I moved over to the side, sitting on the counter next to him. 

“Dean…I know this is a dangerous mission, probably one of the more dangerous missions we’ve ever been on. Why don’t you guys just leave if you are so opposed to it?”

“Noah, I would love to leave you stranded in the middle of nowhere with a witch who clearly has it out for you but you’re my little boy and I would never leave you for as long as I live.”

Dean spit out his toothpaste and wiped his mouth before placing a kiss on my forehead. He smiled as he pulled back, his eyes burrowing into mine as he pulled me closer to him, an arm around my waist. He placed a kiss on my nose, smiling as he did so. I gave him a smile and wrapped my arms around his neck. 

A pounding on the door made us pull back, “Can you two lovebirds take this to your bedroom or something? Some of us need to use the bathroom.”

Dean pulled open the door, a frown on his face as he revealed his brother on the other side of the door. Sam smiled as he walked into the bathroom as Dean ushered the two of us. Dean placed a hand on the small of my back as he took me into one of the rooms, a bed of pillows and blankets already made up for us. Dean twirled me around and set me down on the bed of pillows. 

“Only the best of beds for my king.” Dean giggled as he set me down, his eyes never leaving mine. I joined in on his giggling as we just sat down on the bed, his body hovering over mine and his eyes looking in on mine. “Do you honestly feel this safe with me? That you can look into my eyes no problem.”

“Yeah, of course. I feel this safe with you Dean, the only one I will ever feel safe around.”

“If I see you looking into someone else’s eyes like that besides our kid I think I might be both proud and angry.”

“It feels special doesn’t it? Knowing you’re the only one whom I feel safe around, huh?”

Dean nodded as he looked down at me. He rolled off of my body and looking up at the decaying ceiling, “It does feel special. I feel fucking amazing.” Dean placed his hands behind his head, getting more comfortable in the not so comfortable bed. I rolled over and placed my head on his chest in a bid to become more comfortable. 

“Enjoy it Dean, maybe one day we’ll have a little kid running around who gets my eyes as well.” I turned over and looked at the man in the bed, smiling at the man next to me. 

Dean and I sat cuddling for most nights as we looked up at the ceiling. My eyes grew heavy within the comfort of Dean’s arms. The hunter pulled me closer to his chest and kissed my forehead, my eyes closing.

“Goodnight Noah. I love you.” The three most dangerous words in our line of work, ‘I love you’. It was a calling card to all of the monsters out there to kill me. It was a target on my back now that he said those words. 

“I love you too,” A target on his back now as well. Dean pulled me closer, to the point where I was basically laying on his chest. 

~

“Get up guys, we got to keep moving. No use in wasting daylight, who’s next?” 

I rubbed my eyes and shifted off of Dean’s chest, shaking him awake as well. Dean groaned and turned over, yawning. The sun barely came through the windows. I yawned as I kept rubbing my eyes until stars formed in my eyes. Dean smiled at me as he stood up, leaning on my shoulder. Sam rolled his eyes as he turned around. He walked away and left his question unanswered. Dean kept leaning on me and yawning as he lifted a hand up to his eyes to rub the sleep out of his eyes. 

“Jesse Belvin…the next one is Jesse Belvin.” I whispered as I stumbled out of the room and down the stairs. 

Samantha was making some food in the kitchen. He was smiling at the nothing in general. I sat down at the table and rested my head on the table, still a little bit tired. Dean came down a few moments later and placed a hand on my back. He rubbed it as he sat down next to me. I lifted my head to see the smile on Dean’s face. Sam wondered down a few moments later with James and Cas, who never seemed to sleep around me. 

“Morning angel boys,” Dean quipped as James sat down at the table, his wings outstretching. 

“Oof, you clearly annoyed him,” I chuckled as James placed his wings back against his body. 

“Awe, did I hurt the baby angel’s feelings?” Dean mocked, smiling over at the angel. James shrunk into himself and smiled lightly. 

“Dean means well, he just likes joking.” Cas had ignored the entire exchange to look ominously out the window.

“Come sit down Castiel,” James called to the angel. Dean lifted his eyebrows and rested his head against my shoulders.

“Ooo, yikes, pulling out the full name now are we?” Dean chuckled as he yawned once more.

I backed down and placed my head back on the table and tried to get a few more moments of sleep. The sounds of everyone walking around and making food weren’t much of a bother to me. I could block out a lot of sounds which made me happy. Sam and Dean also had the same “power” as me. We could sleep anywhere at anytime no matter the kinds of sounds going on at the time. It made me feel a bit better now that I could get some sort of extra sleep. I leaned back and sighed as I allowed myself to not really fall asleep fully. I could still hear everything going on but I was dreaming and actively attempting to sleep. My eyes flickered back and forth as I tried to force myself into a sleep-like state but couldn’t just yet.

“Still a little sleepy there,” I nodded as I tilted my head forward to look at the man sitting next to me, my stomach growling and only causing me to want to fall asleep even more. “We might need to get some food into young one.” 

“I’m not young,” I protested as I leaned against the table, hobbling my way towards the kitchen. 

“Eh, you are compared to me and Sammy here.” Dean chuckled and smiled at me. I turned back to face the man fully. 

“My body begs to differ.” Dean shuddered as he looked me fully in the eye. I knew what he was looking at. 

The nerve that burst and caused me to go blind had left some remnants of blood embedded there. It was quite a sight to see upon anyone who had ever looked at me. It wasn’t much but it was gross enough to cause anyone who looked at me to recoil in fear. I didn’t even really notice that my eyesight was gone when I did lose it. It was as if a light went out on my right side and never came back on. Sam was the one who noticed the blood filling my eye. We couldn’t do much, the surgery to get all of the blood out would be too much of a burden on the brothers and their little credit card schemes so we waited. Some of the blood had somehow absorbed back into my eye but some of it still remained. ‘Do I scare you?’ had always been my choice of words when I looked a ghoul in the eyes. Some wavered and backed down with just a look. Others had continued their assault on us so it was a toss up on whether or not they would back. 

“I assure you, the blood will go away in time.” I whispered as if only to assure only myself. Samantha walked past and caught my eye just for a moment before I avoided my eyes. 

She leapt back, not enough to make any notice of it but I noticed. My eyes dropped to look at the ground below us, my feet dragged as I walked over to the first-aid kit. The all too familiar feeling of gauze went against my fingers. Expertly, I wrapped the gauze around my eye and secured the makeshift eyepatch around my head. It felt odd seeing as I hadn’t ever worn one in my life, even when blood was spilling out of my eye. Dean looked up at me and smiled. 

“Well don’t you look like a little pirate.” Dean smirked and went back to eating his food, having already begun to dig in before the rest of us.

“I apologize if I had offended you in any way, sir. I have just never seen some-”

“It’s a burst nerve in my eye, lead me to go blind. At least on the one side. It was the only nerve I needed to burst that made me loose my eyesight. Even glasses couldn’t relieve the strain on it,” I filled my plate with some food and began digging into the food. 

Samantha nodded and sat down at the head of the table, not making a plate for herself until everyone else had filled their plates. A smile on her face as she bit into her food. I slowly ate my food and watched the others eat. Dean furrowed his brows as he caught my eye. I nodded and took another bite into my food for his sake. I wasn’t much of a fan of food and spared the chance to eat when I could. I hated the feeling of it sitting in my stomach. It was as gross of a feeling as I could imagine. I wouldn’t place the feeling of food tearing at your stomach on anyone. Eating was probably the only thing that I did for the sake of others. 

“What’s wrong?” 

Dean only stopped his eating for only a few moments to look at me.

“I’m okay,” I picked at my food and looked down at the disgusting food in front of my face. It wasn’t actually disgusting, it looked edible to someone who didn’t actually end up throwing it up later. “We’re hunting down Jesse Belvin and I truly hope that we can get to him before Elizabeth does.”

“What do you think happens if we let them die in the way that they’re intended instead of letting Elizabeth get to them?”

“Let’s pray we find out soon enough,” I pushed the plate away and went up to the bedroom Dean and I shared the night before. 

I picked up my bag and held onto the straps, scanning the room for anything of value. The cost door was agar still. I opened it up and scanned over the clothing. A fur coat hung on a coat hanger, my eyes shifting over to anything else in the clothing. My eyes kept shifting over to the fur coat on the far left and I picked it up, throwing it over my shoulder and carrying it down the stairs. 

I set down the bag and threw on the coat which fit almost perfectly, “I’m going out.”

Sam perked up as soon as he heard my words, “Not alone you aren’t, someone is going to come with you and you won’t be out for more than an hour.”

“Then who’s coming with me then,” I waited and waited but no one ever lifted their head. “Dean. James. You two are coming with me.” They didn’t stand up but more so waited. “Stand up you two. I am not going to go out alone.” 

James and Dean stood, Dean not to happy with the fact that he had to come with me over his food. James was happy enough to stand up and walk with me. Dean’s eyes scanned me, “What’s up with the fur coat?”

“I wanted to feel fancy…and I just stole it from whoever lived here before,” I twirled. “Does it look good?”

“Isn’t it kind of suspect that no one ever inhabits the place we just so happen to squat in?”

“Kind of but we don’t have much of a choice to question it. Come on boys, we’ve got some ‘xploring to do.” 

Dean and James followed me out of the house. James tucked his wings behind his body. He smiled and looked at me with soft eyes. Dean kept to my left side and his eyes were as soft as James’, his eyes looked into my own. The glaze itched at my eyelid and all I wanted to do was scratch at it but I didn’t need to move the little piece of gauze on my face. 

“You can take that off now, you’re no where near Samantha anymore.” He reached up and I jerked back.

“We’ll be around other people and I don’t know how they’ll react,” My voice was soft with nothing else I can do about it. 

“You never cared about covering your eye before.”

“Well no one’s ever looked at me with such disgust before so I will cover this monstrosity of an eye until we get back to the bunker.”

“This leaves you just as vulnerable as ever.” 

“And? Like I wasn’t vulnerable before with a blind eye before? I can cope with not seeing to my right. I have since I lost eyesight. It is no more of a hinderance than my own foot.”

Dean backed away from the me, hands raised. I turned and kept walking with a hand feebly scratching at the gauze. I kept my hand up and didn’t lower it even when people began to stare at me. It was a common occurrence with my own eye. It was a little ugly part of me, probably the ugliest bit of myself besides the fact that I was a murderous little shit but my eye was an aesthetic bit that I hated about myself. My hand came down from the gauze, my hands covered in a sticky sort of substance I couldn’t see yet. Right hand up to right eye, can’t see correctly if I move it over a few inches. I caught myself in the reflection of a store, the gauze covered in a bit of blood. 

“Well fuck, I’m bleeding.” Dean backed away from me, pulling some holy water out of his back pocket. 

“I think something is seriously wrong…,” Dean sprinkled some holy water on my shoulders, a soft hiss coming from them. “We both know what a crying Virgin Mary means.”

My body stiffened at the name, my other name…a dead name that I never wanted spoken ever again. I had never told anyone, especially Winchester bothers. Dean, sensing my discomfort, backed off. I sat down on the curb, head in my hands. James shot Dean a look and walked over to me, sitting down right next to me. The warmth of his body heated me up against the warm winter air. Snow drifted down onto our shoulders. I leaned against the man and sighed once more. 

Dean rushed over to me and placed a hand on my shoulder, “Noah…I never knew…was that your…”

“It’s no matter now. We’ve got to find that man,” I swiftly stood from my seat and looked up at the grey sky once before I set myself on the path.

“‘Nother musician I suppose,” Dean handed me a small scrap of clothing for my bleeding eye. I groaned as more blood spilled to the pavement to me. I swayed just at the thought of more blood spilling out of my eyes. 

“I need to sit down,” I sat on the curb once more and sopped up the blood with the cloth. 

“We need to take you back to Sam and Cas, see if they know anything about this.”

~

“When did this start?”

“Almost as soon as we got into town.”

“And you’ve been crying since then?”

“Of course, Sam. Do you not see the blood in my eyes?”

“We’ve only ever seen this wh-”

“When a Virgin Mary cries blood, a sign of supernatural disturbances.”

“So then why are you crying?”

“Because I am still a virgin and my name…before I legally changed it…,” my stomach churned. 

“I get it, I get it. So you are technically one of those statues…in a sense.”

“So why is a living statue crying blood.”

“Elizabeth.”

I stood from my seat, practically throwing my seat away and stormed out of the house not even thinking to put on a proper coat or anything. My eyes drifted to the sky once more. The grey sky opened up above me, light coming down and warming me up for just a mere moment before it closed in on me again. My eyes moving back down the the pavement. No cars had passed me at all since I stepped out into the street, an oddity for a place that seemed so lively when I looked back at all of the photos and yet it seemed almost deserted now. I turned back towards the house, now a dot in the distance, that I had just come from. I turned away and kept walking, my pace quicker than I had ever wanted it to be and yet it still was. 

“Noah!” 

A voice of an angel, at least the one that was never hostile towards us, shouted at me. I stoped in my tracks and looked over my shoulder to see the man or more so the angel walking towards us. I turned back and started my walk once more, much slower than what my original pace was. I turned away from the figure, keeping my eyes down on the ground. Cas eventually caught up with me, almost falling a few times as well. He turned his eyes to mine. 

“Does it feel weird? Not being able to see one side of your face?” Cas turned his attention to me.

“Yeah, kind of an uncanny valley type of situation. Doesn’t look like me…it’s been awhile since I’ve had full sight so my own face…at least one side of it…it doesn’t look like me anymore. Hasn’t for a long time.”

“And you find that okay?”

“What do you mean? I find it okay that I can’t see my face or that I don’t know if my face is someone else or not?”

The angel took a beat before turning back to me, “Yes.”

“Yes, I have had a lot of time to keep my spirts up when I can no longer see my own face but it is a lot easier than it was before. I mean, it’s just one of those things.”

“One of what things?”

“The ‘I’m a disabled hunter and I should probably be left to die if I were to ever get severely hurt’ kind of things, you know?”

“No…I don’t know.”

The angels words were overly cautious as if he didn’t want to hurt my feelings. I knew I shouldn’t care much about the words of an angel but I did. I cared a lot about the words of an angel. Especially such a high ranking angel. We weren’t going to have anything else to do anything else. We were just done. I was done. 

“Of course. I need to keep myself a bit away from those kinds of people. I never ever even wanted to become a hunter. I wanted to be something more than this and yet I’m here, probably going to die at forty considering how long Sam and Dean made it.”

“Do you really want to stay a hunter?” Cas looked over at me, his eyes filled with worry. I tilted my head to the side. 

“No, never. I like the job but being the disabled little shit I am, it’s not the most amazing job to be in.”

“Never had a psychically demanding job like this before?” Cas looked me over. I nodded and looked down at my hands. 

“I get fatigued really easily, waling too much makes my foot hurt. I can’t do anything really.”

“But you’ve never shown any signs o-”

“Because I never told you guys that I do get fatigued. Just another symptom of what I’ve got.”

“I could always try to help you with that, I don’t know how much it will help but I can at least try.”

“Of course, you can try.” I stopped and looked at the angel, his hands touching my arms. 

A warmth spread through my body as I looked up at him then my eyes shifted up to the sky. A smile on his face made me turn away from the sky. His hands went down to my waist, pulling me closer to him. The white light with a mix of blue filled up his stomach. The warmth moved all around my body. From the top of my head all the way down to my stomach and toes. It felt almost like an orgasm, it could be a lot better than that. I had only ever had an orgasm via my own hands and thus I never really knew. Dean and I had come close to same sexual encounters but we had never actually fucked. Hell, we never even did anything more than make out.

“Feel any better?” Cas pulled his hands away from me, the feeling leaving my body. I nodded lightly and sat down on a curb. “Good, good.”

“Yeah, feeling much better.” I stood up from the curb and kept waling down the street. There were still no cars coming down the street which was still odd. 

“What’s up with the no cars? It’s like we never see anyone outside. Like they’re all in their houses,” I whispered. 

“I don’t know but we should just ignore it for the time being.”

Cas kept moving down the street, my eyes moving down to the pavement below me. I kept my eyes down as much as I could until we hit a busier part of town. It wasn’t the middle of the city or anything but it was definitely busy. Cas turned back to me, arms crossed over his chest. My body moved back almost instinctively. 

“What’s wrong with you Cas?” I yawned and crossed my arms as well after rubbing my eyes. 

“Nothing, keep walking with me please, keep up.” I nodded and jogged up to the angel, leaning my head on the angel. 

“It might be a bit hard,” I reached down and tried to rub my foot, a yawn leaving my mouth. “My foot still kind of hurts and I’m kind of tired.”

“Alright, we need to get you back home. You’re not in any place to be walking around.” 

Cas wrapped his arms around my body and pulled me close to him. I couldn’t see his wings but I could feel them as they wrapped around my body. His wings lifted up and kicked up dust. The dust went into my mouth and I closed my eyes as I curled into Cas’ chest. A rush of wind went over my body and when I opened my eyes up, we were back in the house. Dean looked me over as he placed a hand on my shoulder. He smiled lightly as he pulled me into his chest. I smiled as I looked up at the man. Dean kissed my forehead, pulling me into the kitchen with his much stronger arm. 

“You okay Noah? You look tired.” Dean touched my face with a calloused hand, his eyes filled worry. I nodded as I rubbed my eyes.

“I’m fine Dean…” I trailed off and looked at the floor in front of me. Dean nodded and placed his other hand on my waist. 

“You don’t look fine. Maybe you should get some rest.” I rolled my eyes and yawned, revealing my true feelings. 

Dean picked me up and tossed me over his shoulder, grunting softly as he did so, “Time for a nap. You’re in no condition to be going after Elizabeth right now. You need to rest right now.” 

“I don’t want to rest right now.” 

I whined as I rested my head on his shoulder blade. Dean chuckled and I could almost see his smile. Dean stomped up the stairs and into a room. He set me down on the bed and smiled at me as he tucked me in, just like he did almost every time he had seen me after the ghost incident.

“You are going to rest and I am going to be right here with you,” Dean yawned and laid right down next to me. “I’m a little tired as well.”

I chuckled and smiled at the man who was now laying next to me, “Of course you are.” 

“What? I am tired. I need to rest too.” Dean smiled and curled into me as he yawned once more. 

“As much as I want to believe that, I don’t think that you are really tired.” I poked Dean in his chest, eyes turning up to the ceiling. 

“Fine then, I’m not tired but I want to talk to you for as long as you are awake, okay? Maybe my boring old voice will lull you to sleep faster than the silence can.”

“Then what do you want to talk about since you’re so eager to talk to me.” I rolled over on my side to take a better look at the man next to me. 

“I don’t know if I asked this before and stop me if I have but what makes you so drawn to these kinds of things?” 

“The puzzle for the most part. I wasn’t challenged enough when I got to school. Began watching conspiracy theory videos, people reading alternate reality games and creepypastas.”

“You’re one weird dude,” Dean chuckled, the deep rumbling of his laughter was a comfort to me. “Most people read those things to get scared. Didn’t they ever scare you?”

“Some of them did, but those were mostly the ones so grounded in reality that they seemed a lot more like they happened not to long ago to one of us but I have seen much worse than what those stories want to tell me actually happened.”

“Tell me a few, the summaries at least.”

“So now you want me to tell you bedtime stories? What are you, fifteen?”

A slow smile appeared on Dean’s face, “Oh come on, you have yo humor me every once in awhile.”

“Okay…” I searched my brain for one of my favorites. “There was this guy who found that one of his favorite TV channels was being run by a man who was offering kids up to some sort of satanic cult.”

“What he was he after?” Dean turned his eyes to mine. “Something more specific than that?”

“Not that I know of, he was just another one of those creepy little shits. Again, it’s just a story.”

“A story that could be based in more reality than you think. What’s its name?”

“1999.”

“1999?”

“Yeah, the year the story took place. It’s not that complicated,” I chuckled and booped Dean’s nose. A soft giggle left the man’s mouth as he curled into me. 

“I’ll read it once we get out of this mess. Any others?”

“How about Candle Cove? Have you heard of that one just yet?” Dean shook his head. “It’s another tv show pasta. It revolves around kids recollecting a show they watched in their childhood. It was a demented show with a character called the Skintaker. He took the skin of meddling young children. He was probably the most demented part. Twist is, they were looking at static the entire time.”

“But that sounds terrible,” Dean whined. “It sounds like a shitty story if you ask me.”

“Of course, people argue that it was overhyped anyway. It just is one of my more favorite stories, again for how grounded in reality it was. At least up until the ending where it’s revealed they were looking at static the entire time.” 

“Yeah, that’s a pretty shit ending if you ask me.” Dean rolled into my chest and yawned heavily.

I touched his head and smiled as I rubbed his hair. Dean kept his head on my chest as I traced his back with no particular pattern in mind. My eyes focused on the green eyes that looked so desperately up at mine. His eyes were kept trained on mine as I touched his hair, his eyes drew to a close as he got sleepier. I touched my lips to his forehead. 

“Sleep Dean.” 

It was as if he were waiting on me to say the magic words. As soon as I said them, he was lulled off into sleep. In his sleep, he smiled up at me. He was happy within my arms, always had been. The only time I had ever seen him happy was within my arms.

~

Dean and I woke up to the shaking of the house. I pushed myself up and sleepily down the stairs. Sam, James, Cas and Samantha all gripped onto their chairs. I turned to the four of them, “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know, earthquake maybe?” 

“I don’t think there’s a such thing as an earthquake in Mississippi.”

“Then Elizabeth.” 

I nodded and turned my head to the door, “Barricade it.”

Sam lurched forward and looked around for any wood. I backed away from him and watched as he broke the chairs and table against a wall. James and Samantha didn’t shield their eyes from the shards of wood flying about. Cas stood completely still, happy with his resolve. The windows vibrated with what Cas had once told me sounded like a high pitched screech to normal humans. To me it was always words, full conversations. James and Samantha covered their ears. Sam dropped to his knees and covered his ears as well, still not used to the sound. A blinding light came through the windows causing all of us to shield our eyes besides Cas who was used to having his retinas 

“We want the girl.” A deep voice which I couldn’t place spoke. Cas’ eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Samantha?”

“What other girl would we be talking about?”

A nervous laugh exited my mouth, “You don’t know the half of it angel boy. Why do you want her?”

“We sense a demonic…or rather an angelic force turned bad…aura around the woman. We need to cleanse her soul.”

“So you’re going to kill her?”

“No.”

“Liar, you’re going to kill her and leave us to pick up the pieces.”

“And why would we waste precious recourses on killing her when we can use her for better reasons?” 

“Well you’re wasting your holy time on trying to get her, it’s not going to fucking happen.”

“Using such foul language in front of an angelic being,” His tone was more joking than offended by my words. “We might need to clean up your language. Remind me, Noah, how exactly can you hear us?”

“I don’t fucking know. Maybe you have a fucking explanation as to why I’m not on my knees, practically bowing down to you right now.”

“I don’t know about your history but maybe you can ask your friend Cas over there once you give us the girl.”

“I’m not giving you the girl!”

The light faded and the screeching halted. Sam slowly stood from his spot and shot a look at Cas, “Wanna translate the second half of the conversation or are you going to stand there looking like an idiot?”

“Maybe I can translate…” I spoke up lightly, the words trembling out of my mouth.

“Yeah, maybe you can and you will.” Dean walked down the stairs, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Even as sleepy as he was, he still managed to look intimidating. 

“They wanted Samantha. Said she had an angelic turned bad aura around her, wanted to take her in for cleansing,” I shuddered at the thought of the brutal torture they might have put her through if we hadn’t been here to get the angel to go away. “Then they asked me how I can hear them. Told me to ask Cas about that.”

Cas crossed his arms in front of his chest, not moving or speaking. Dean turned his attention to the angel, his arms crossed in front of his chest. The angel backed into his corner as his eyes dropped to the floor. The room went silent, no one dared to speak in case Cas wanted to speak. We could’ve waited their for hours in an expectant of a response but received none. Tears pricked at my eyes.

“So you don’t know? Great, just another fucking mystery I got to unravel, thanks for nothing Cas.”

I stormed out of the door that was still not barricaded. The snow crunched underneath my feet. My shoes were soaked by the time I ended up at a bus stop and waited for the next bus to come flying past. I could have waited hours for the bus but a new one came within minutes of me getting to the bus stop. I stepped onto the bus and looked at the people on the bus as well. The bus driver smiled at me, extending his hand to me in awaitment of payment. I dug into my pocket and dropped a coin into his hand, smiling as I walked into the back of the bus. I couldn’t tell where I needed to sit…in the back of the bus or in the front of the bus. I finally settled on the middle of the bus, drawing no eyre from the other passengers on the bus and for once, I was grateful. 

The bus rattled to a start and lurched forward. A smile appeared on my face as I touched the back of the seat in front of me. It took a few stops before the skyline appeared in front of us. More people began to get off and on but no one ever sat near me. They all kept their distance. No one in front of me, behind me or next to me. Everyone was completely far away from me as if I was some contagious little germ. 

I wanted to get to the city and that was all I wanted for now. That was where I had the most chance of running into the man I needed to find. He was most likely going to be within city limits as everyone else seemed to be. It was the first place I wanted to check. Even if I was technically banned from moving alone I had a great experience doing that the first time and I was going to do it again. There was only going to be harm if I went with someone else.

The bus stopped right outside of city limits. 

“Last call before I turn this thing around,” The driver called back to the remaining passengers. I was the only one who stood up and got out of the bus. 

The doors slammed behind me before the bus made a turn into the other side of the road as I began my walk into the middle of the city. I smiled to myself for a little bit before the familiar sound of angel wings snapped me out of my own thoughts. 

“I swear to fucking Chuck Castiel go the fuck home. This is for me and only me. Let me just walk.”

“Sam and Dean are already worried out of their goddamn minds…again.”

“Well this is my time, go the fuck away.”

“The last time you did that we lost you. So either you bring your butt home or I am going to be following you around.”

I wanted to put my foot down but I didn’t want to anger Cas. Even if he wouldn’t have a big reaction, I was still scared of the consequences of my actions if I did yell or stand up to Cas and assert myself. So I just kept my head down and let him walk alongside me. Cas kept his distance. His eyes were on the ground and he looked more like a broken puppy instead of a godly angel.

“Why don’t you ever put your foot down?” Cas lifted his head and looked me in the eyes as best he could. 

“Last time I did I got beat and ignored so I don’t really do it anymore.” I shrugged and kept walking down the street, eyes still on the street in front of me. 

“Oh…sorry for asking,” Cas lowered his head and looked at the street in front of him. “Do you think that we can find him?”

“I’ve become a magnet for these sorts of things. I know that they’re going to just pass us up.” 

“Humans are very interesting.”

“Okay, first off you little alien, how long have you spent with us? Second off, how the fuck are we still interesting to you?”

“Never quite met a human as interesting as you. I mean, you are a lot more interesting than the Winchester brothers, I’ll give you that.”

“I don’t know that much but thank y-,” I bumped into someone else walking down the street. 

“I’m sorry sir,” I turned my attention up to the person and looked at the man. He was a handsome man, the same one I was looking for according to my pictures. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, are you sure you’re okay?” I touched the man’s arms and studied him. 

His eyes softened as he looked me over but then turned to something filled with terror. He dug into his pocket and pulled out a photo, placing it into my hand. His body shook as he backed up into the pole near us. I picked up the photo and raised it to my own eye, Cas stepping in on my other side. There was a photo of me with Nat from what looked like a newspaper. 

“Y-y-you…you should be dead by now! Or at least very old…not like young. What happened to you!”

“That was my father…I look a lot like him,” I chuckled nervously in hopes to get him off of my back. I backed away from him and kept my eyes down. 

“I call bullshit. You are the same person in the photo and you know it. How are you doing this?”

“How do I know I can trust you,” My hand was already on my angel blade. “All I know is that you’re some random person with a photo.”

“I’m a hunter just like you. Come on, pull out your angel blade, I know I want you to.”

I yanked out my angel blade and Jesse did as well, we pointed it to each other. Our eyes locked for a split moment, “You have to come with me and my friend here for a moment.” 

“Of course,” Jesse smiled and walked down the street with me willingly.

~

“So this is the guy we were going after,” Dean tapped his fingers on the table and looked at me.

“Yes.”

“And he’s a hunter as well.”

“Why don’t you ask him yourself, dumbass. He’s right here.”

Dean turned his attention to Jesse, “And you’re a hunter as well?”

“Yes sir, that I am.”

“So you’re completely safe to be around?”

“Well, of course sir. I’m not a Crowley at all. I was just searching around in some books one day when I found that photo of your colleague there.”

“Of course, because this guy here was being freaking careful.”

“We can talk about that later Dean.”

“Dean, so that’s your name. Dean Winchester, son of John Winchester?”

“How do you know my father…and my own last name?”

“You are famous, everyone knows your name. Past, present and future all know your name. The best family of hunters that will ever live.”

“Glad the honor extends to the future as well,” Dean rubbed his forehead. “We are always going to be hunted, aren’t we? The famous Winchester hunters being hunted.” 

“That isn’t what we should be focusing on right now Dean, we are going to be here awhile with him…a few hours at le-”

“Only a few hours? Do you know something that I don’t know?” Jesse turned his attention to us. 

I stiffened up and looked over at James, he nodded as I turned back to the man. I couldn’t bring myself to open my mouth and actually say the words I was supposed to. It was much to hard to seal his fate like this. From a person he never knew but trusted because we were hunters. At least he trusted us and that was all I could ask for. Cas touched my back almost as if he were reassuring me but I had no idea if he was or not but I held strong.

“If you must know,” I dropped my bag and pulled out the same white binder I had carried with me this entire journey. “You, and many others, are in grave danger.” 

I dropped the binder onto the desk and opened it up to the first page, “Here is the list of names we’re tracking down. Almost seventy entries ranging from the 1800s to when we come from. At first, it was just called a theory and talked about online between those of us who, for lack of a better phrase, question everything. Those of us who do believe this theory are often called dumb or stupid but more often then not, crazy for looking into this particular theory: musicians-and some actors and actresses and mostly men-who all died at a similar age. Now, some chalk it up to the life of a rockstar. The whole sex, drugs and rock and roll lifestyle but I thought there was something suspicious there and Sammy.” 

I lifted my chin towards Sam who rolled his eyes at the nickname, “Here found out the exact thing I was looking for. The one thing I needed to prove the reason for all of this.” 

I flipped to the right page in my binder, the one with all of the corresponding autopsy reports which I kept separate from the basic information I had on all of them and slid it to the man who sat wide-eyed and shocked. He flipped though all of the photos, holding a hand to his mouth which made me assume he was going to vomit. I walked over to the kitchen and grabbed the trash can. I was almost to slow but brought the garbage right to his mouth as he vomited into it. He stood there for awhile, emptying the contents of his stomach into the can. Once he was done, I set it down and wrapped up the plastic to toss it outside once I was done showing him the photos.

“Got a pretty weak stomach for someone who says he’s a hunter,” Dean quipped. 

“I just started the job right after my old man died. Never thought it would entail looking at dead bodies.”

I patted him on the back, “You might have gotten used to it if you weren’t going to die in a few hours.”

“I’m going to what?”

I regretted the words almost as soon as they came out of my mouth. I covered it up and took a few steps back. Sam and Dean stood there in shock as well. Almost as if they couldn’t believe the words I had said as well. Cas turned a bright red, fists balling up in anger as if he were ready to punch me in the face. I guess I wasn’t supposed to say anything but it had just slipped out. 

“No use in covering it up now Noah, answer his question. What is he going to do tonight?”

“Die,” The word came out as more of a whisper than as a real statement but it still sent a chill down my spine as I opened up to his autopsy. Belvin almost fainted at the sight but stood stiff against better judgement. 

The room went silent around me. No one spoke. It was as if we were at a funeral and all morning the loss of the man far too early. Dean turned his attention down to the binder, lips parting as he turned back to Nat’s autopsy.

“No mark. He has no mark.” Dean looked up at me as he pointed to the neck where the original satanic mark was burned into his skin. 

“Yeah, Elizabeth didn’t kill him. He obviously wouldn’t have a mark. We changed the history back to normal. If we keep going by not letting Elizabeth get to them, she might just give up?”

“Have you ever met an evil being that just gives up,” I shook my head. “Exactly, it’s stupid. So we got to figure out a way to actually kill her and not just let her keep on going.”

Sam rolled his eyes at Dean’s words. Samantha walked down the stairs, drawing our attention, “Well looks like the men are talking.” She bowed her head as she looked us over.

“No, no, please come in. We have a guest, one Mr. Jesse Belvin,” I gestured over to the man as she curtseyed. 

“Hello miss, you must be the woman of the home,” Samantha nodded. “Thank you for letting me in.” 

I took a seat in the chair behind me and rested my feet on another free chair. My ankle was more swollen than normal. Dean’s eyes rested on my ankle as well. I reached down and rubbed my ankle tiredly. I smiled tiredly at our guest. Dean touched my shoulder as he sat down to my right. It was common practice for him to do so after a very particularly weird incident where he sat completely still next to me for about an hour. When I had turned my head, I had jumped so far out of my seat that Dean never made the same mistake twice. 

“I will make some dinner then,” Samantha walked past us and looked down at me as Dean pulled me closer to his chest, letting me sit next to him. A heat crept to my cheeks as I looked down at my lap. Jesse looked over at the two of us, his face twisting into something more disgusted than happy. “What all do you want?”

“Whatever you want to make, Samantha. I’m sure it will be amazing either way.”

This earned a chuckle from the woman as I heard her shuffle around the kitchen. I couldn’t see her but I could tell by her chuckle that she was smiling. I allowed myself to slip into some sort of trance. Not nessicarily sleep and not anything else either. I smiled sleepily and attempted to look at the man next to me, even if I couldn’t see him really. I leaned into his body even more as I smiled even wider. 

“Are you two…together?” 

Jesse slipped into a seat near us. Sam and Cas rolled their eyes as James went into the kitchen to help Samantha, his fists balled up. 

“Kind of, not really. It’s super complicated.” 

“No, we’re together and happily in love,” Dean wrapped his arm around my shoulders. It seemed cocky…and it was. It was very cocky. Another one of Dean’s toys from what I assumed.

“Yeah,” I forced a smile on my face. “Happily in love.” 

Samantha smiled as she came into the room and put her feet up as well. She smiled over to me as she wiped her hands on her skirt. She seemed to have adjusted to the loss of leg very well. She wasn’t leaning up against anything and was walking around just fine. It was almost as if she had never lost it in the first place.

“So, do we just wait out for him to die in his normal way?” Samantha turned her attention to the elephant in the room.

“Yes and we are going to give him the best night ever. Let him go out happy rather than fearful, right Jesse?”

Jesse nodded in fear as he looked down in his lap, “Yes, we must face death with joy rather than sadness. The ending of one story and the beginning of another.”

“Maybe you’ll be reincarnated[ Reincarnated towards the end, sees Jesse in a shop and almost goes up to him but doesn’t. Recognition is on his face. 

Miranda Wyse 2/2/19, 10:22 AM] or something, there is always something on the other side of death, we all should know. Heaven is a great place.”

“You’ve been to heaven? And it was a great place?” Jesse leaned over and looked at us. 

I took a deep breath, “And Hell and for your sake I’ve hope you’ve been a good person.” 

The rest of the night was spent with fun and laughter, and of course Samantha’s food. I absolutely loved the food as expected. Dean kept near me all night and kept shooting looks at James. It was as if there was something going on between James and I even though there wasn’t. Jesse seemed to have become content with the fact that he was going to die by the end of the night.

“Wanna go out and see the stars?” 

It had gotten dark and the sun had set. Dean shot me a worried look, pulling me tighter. A small smile appeared on my face as I nodded. Jesse stood up and walked out of the house before anyone else could stand up with him. I slowly stood up and hobbled my way towards the door. No one else seemed to move with me. 

“Well come o-” The squeal of tires and the almost inhuman wail of pain. My body froze in its place for a split second before I ran towards the sound, Dean following close behind. 

Jesse’s mangled body laid in the middle of the road. He was still breathing, a groan leaving his mouth. His body twitched in the middle of the street. The car that hit him didn’t even stop to check if he was okay. But I guess there was no use in him being checked out. He was as good as dead. I dropped to my knees next to me and held him close to my chest. His breathing was labored and was going fast. 

“You’re okay Jesse, you’re going to be okay.” I tried to reassure the man but something told me that it wasn’t going to be okay. 

“Are you sure there really is a heaven and hell?” Jesse looked up into my eyes. 

“Yes, have been to both and they are very real,” Dean sat down next to me with his hand on my shoulder. 

“I don’t want to promise anything but based on tonight, you are probably going to go to heaven.” 

Dean was no good at reassuring people but tonight he was making a great attempt to keep Jesse calm. He smiled down at me then down at Jesse. His body was getting cold. His life was draining from his body and I was going to watch him die. I hadn’t really seen anyone actually die after years of being on the job. Once I had joined the team, I had become the Wade to their Kim Possibles and only joined in when it was a smaller hunt. Something a lot more like a witch or ghost. 

“Thank you for giving me an amazing last few hours. It really means a lot to me.”

“Don’t worry about it. We’re all about saving people. I mean, at least I am,” I smiled down at the man and looked him in the eye. 

“Thank you so much,” Jesse closed his eyes one final time, a smile permanently on his face. 

Dean took him out of my arms and set him on the side of the road, “You know what to do, hunter’s funeral. Go get the wood and the others. We’ll need some salt as well.”

I nodded and rushed inside, not even checking to see if there was blood on my shirt. No one seemed to notice though as they all seemed to just be frozen in place. Sam’s mouth hung open and Cas had his arms crossed in front of his chest. 

“Come on you guys, hunters funeral,” The room jumped into action, at least Sam and Cas jumped into action. Samantha and James just stood confused. “We build a funeral pyre and burn him with some salt to make sure that his ghost doesn’t end up haunting the highway he was killed on. He’s going to be perfectly okay wherever he ended up.” 

Samantha and James nodded as they watched Sam and Cas walk out of the house with wood and salt. I turned my attention to the two left in the room all while picking up my bag and slinging it over my shoulder, “Come on. As much as I want you to just stay in here you got to pay respects to the man. It would be rude not to.”

I ushered the two people out of the room and the house. Samantha didn’t seem to want to go outside, shuffling hesitantly and almost toppling over. I wrapped an arm around the woman’s waist and helped her out of the room. Her smile was faint as James followed me out of the house, closing the door behind me. Dean and Sam had started the fire and Cas was over the body, carving in some protection symbols. My crunching of my feet made the angel turn his attention to James, Samantha and I.

“Almost done?” Cas nodded and looked at me. I started walking over to the corpse, kneeling next to him and looking down at the closed eyes of the man that was once so lively. 

Cas began to work on the last of his symbols and covered them up with the clothing. It wouldn’t do much good since they were demon protection symbols and we were about to salt and burn him. But we could never be too careful since demons and angels were still running rampant in our time. Demons could still find this guy in his time before he was dead and turn him to their side. Hopefully no one would find him and turn him. 

Cas stood as soon as he was done with his work and I began to clean him up as best as I could with the first aid materials I had in my bag. Again, it would mean nothing since we’re going to be burning him. Our rituals gave us solace. It all made us feel like we had a part in the burial. Busy hands were always a lot better than idle hands and made it go a lot quicker. Any downtime wasn’t good for anyone, especially people like us. I lifted my head once I was done and lifted the body up and took it to the pyre, laying him down. Dean covered him in salted gasoline, digging around in his pocket for a lighter. Before he could even find it, I had dug out my own lighter and tossed it into the pyre, lighting it up. 

Samantha piped up after a few silent moments, “So what do you guys even do, just watch him burn?” 

I nodded as I kept my eyes on the burning body in front of us. We watched him until he was completely burnt. His bones were all that remained and were broken up in fragments. I dug a quick hole on the side of the road, hoping it would be deep enough for him to stay buried long enough that no one would find him until much later. Once that was done, I just lifted my head and turned it towards the group. Samantha had tears rolling down her cheeks but had a look of quiet resolve on her face. She was strong, much stronger than what I had ever thought she was. I would have pinned her as someone who was a lot…weaker than what I had seen from these past few days. She was strong just like us and for that I was going to hold her in a lot higher regard. 

“I think that’s all we need done. We got to go off to the next one.” 

“I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of along this but are you sure you want to go through with this?”

I slung my backpack over my shoulder and nodded, “Of course. Keep going until Elizabeth is dead. Haven’t seen her in two iterations so let’s hope we’re hitting her where it really hurts instead of the other way around.” 

Dean nodded sternly and turned to Cas who nodded as well. He placed a finger on Dean’s forehead and the hunter disappeared right before out eyes. Sam went next. Then went James and then Samantha until it was just Cas and I. I shifted forward and placed my hands on his biceps. Cas stiffened up as I pulled myself closer. With that the familiar sound of wings fluttering sent us off to out next person.


	9. Eight

We landed on a busy sidewalk in the middle of a sleepy town. I blinked a few times and wobbled lightly at the new position. I pulled back from Cas and looked around to see if we could find a place where we could all sit down. Dean raised an eyebrow towards me as I adjusted my backpack straps, eyeing a diner across the street as it was the perfect place to sit down. Everyone haphazardly followed me across the street. Even though it was a city, it was one of those that was in the middle of nowhere we call the midwest. The rest of the group followed me into the diner where a cheery waitress met us. 

“Hello, welcome to Mom’s Diner. How many?” She was the same small town woman you would see in any diner. Young, probably no more than twenty years old with blonde hair, blue eyes and a bubbly personality. 

“Six,” I paused for a moment and doubted my original count. We’ve got Sam, Dean, Cas, James, Samantha and I. Three and three…six. “Yeah, six.”

The woman picked up some menus and turned her back to us, “Follow me please.”

We followed her back into a room more secluded from the front. It got even darker than the light that had been coming through the front. I turned my attention back to the hunters. They were exchanging a similar look. We all looked at each other, worry coming over the seasoned hunters faces. I turned my attention back to the woman dragging us deepened and deeper into the restaurant before she sat us down at a booth. Being so deep in the restaurant rightfully put me on edge. 

The waitress placed the menus on the table, “If you need anything, let me know. Your server will be over shortly.” 

I sat down in my seat and rubbed my eye lazily. There was a slight pain in it but I didn’t pay it any attention. I just allowed myself to rub at the eye. Maybe there was something in there but I didn’t know anything about my own right eye. I still felt pain and odd things in my eye but I couldn’t see out of it so I didn’t mind the pain in my eye. I just allowed my hand to rub lazily at my eye before turning my attention to the people who were all waiting on my information. 

The cool plastic of my binder was more familiar than my own hands at this point. I laid it down on the desk, something I always knew would end up making more noise than what I had deemed necessary. Dean shifted almost uncomfortably at the sight of the binder. Everyone else seemed more occupied with the menus instead of looking at the binder. I flipped the pages and turned my attention to those who we had already seen. We were going to have to keep going if it meant anything. Dean still watched me intently with eyes glued to the pages. I quickly turned my head to him with the intention of speaking but no words came out. I just closed my mouth and finished my flipping. 

“Okay,” I caught the attention of everyone else who had not been paying close attention to me and my binder. “Joe Henderson. Born in April in Mississippi and died a week before Halloween of a heart attack in Indiana. Of course he died at the age of twenty-seven. He was a gospel and R&B singer.”

“When are we going to get to the good ones,” Dean groaned. “You know, Joplin, Hendrix, fucking Cobain!”

“Well, I am hoping that we don’t have to get to Cobain…his death hits a little too close to home for me,” I whispered as I remembered the day I was told that my friend had committed suicide. “So we’re going to have to stop this witch before then because I am not watching him die.” 

“Oh,” Dean paused for a moment as if he was trying to recall that day as well. “I don’t think you ever told me about that. I’m sorry.” 

“You’re right, I never told you about it because you were on a hunt so there’s no reason to feel sorry.” 

“Okay but what about Joplin and Hendrix. They’re going to be interesting. Surely we’ll get to them soon, right?” Dean tapped on the table excitedly, a large smile appearing on his face. 

“Calm down, these are the interesting ones, the people who are forgotten to the tests of time, those who probably wouldn’t end up in a history book if we tried.”

“Then maybe write your own,” Dean chuckled and smiled at me, giving me a slight wink. “Give them a voice.”

“I would if I could but I can’t. I’m not a writer, Dean,” One secret I wasn’t going to share with anyone at this table. “I just do the research.” 

Sam straightened with his body stiff. He lifted an eyebrow to the two of us then tilted his head to the head of the table. I lifted my head and was greeted with a woman. She smiled at us as she adjusted her notepad. Behind her was a small sheepish man that reminded me a lot like Chuck. He wore the same red and white stripped uniform the woman in front of us had. I smiled as I closed my notebook up ever so slightly and put it away, not even having looked at the menu in front of us. 

“What do y’all want?” The woman popped her gum and looked over at the man next to her. “Oh, and he’s training so don’t mind him. He’s just shadowing me.”

“Cool beans,” I picked up a menu and looked at it while everyone else around me ordered. Sam got a salad, Samantha got the same, James just got a milkshake and a side of fries. Cas passed up on the offer of food and Dean got a burger. “I’ll get a side of fries and a chocolate milkshake.”

“Okay, I’ll be back with those drinks as soon as possible.” She turned on her heel and walked away from us. I put the binder back onto the table and kept looking through it. 

“Any updates on the witch?” Sam leaned over and tried to get a good look at the binder. 

“Not that I know of. I haven’t checked very deeply here in awhile, haven’t had the time.” 

“Well then, check deeply please. Maybe I can find something in the local library later, wanna come with me?” 

“Well I guess I should come since I need the time alone for awhile,” Sam raised an eyebrow. “And I’m not going to leave again. Learned my lesson the last time about that.” 

“Well of course. Spend as much time as you need. We need to keep you safe and as informed as possible,” Dean smiled up at the woman who brought over our drinks. Dean was quick to get his drink, sucking on the straw and brining up a bit of clear liquid. 

“As long as something doesn’t happen to me,” I brought a spoon to my mouth as the milkshake was more of slightly melted ice cream than anything. “And let’s hope that doesn’t happen.” 

Dean placed a hand on my thigh underneath the table and squeezed it gently, bringing it up to a more…sensitive area. My breath hitched as I tried to keep my cool. Dean smiled as he brought his hand back down to a more appropriate place. His smile was softer than the original, more devious smile he had worn. He turned his attention to Cas and smiled at the angel. Cas squinted and furrowed his eyebrows before smiling at Dean. I went particularly silent as my eyes drifted over to James who was poking at the milkshake he got like it was some sort of alien goo. 

“You okay James,” I asked after a few seconds of watching the man. “Milkshake not what you thought it would be?”

“It’s so thick,” A small giggle escaped my mouth and the angel shot me a look. “Why are you laughing?”

“Is it thick with three C’s or two? Does it have a Q,” Dean slapped my thigh and I stopped my giggling. “Sorry.” 

“He has some sort of stupid Gen Z humor. Don’t know how that happened when he spend most of his time with us.”

Dean reached over and messed with my hair to which I almost immediately shied away from with a heat beginning to form on my cheeks. Dean instead wrapped an arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer, placing a kiss on temple. Sam rolled his eyes at the affection before moving over to look at Samantha instead. 

“Ooo, Sam Squared. Can I call you guys that?” 

Sam growled and rolled his eyes once again, “No. No you may not, Noah.” 

His voice dripped with sarcasm and venom, something only Sam could pull off. 

“Awe, come on, you two are so cute together,” Samantha blushed. “You two would be the perfect couple, now wouldn’t you?”

“Are you the Winchester gang?” A familiar yet eerie voice came to our presence and caught our attention. 

I lifted my head up, eyes landing on the same woman we were chasing. But something was off. She smelled of decay now, he skin being to sag. Samantha shot me a worried look and pressed her body against Sam. Tears formed in the corners of her eyes, a scream almost falling from her lips as she opened them up. It came out as more of a whimper than anything else. 

“You know who we are,” I slipped the angel blade out of my pants, pointing it at the woman’s face in a warning. “Now it seems we have gotten to you a bit. These people…they’re giving you some form a life.” 

Dean shot me a look, eyes moving over me as I wiggled in my seat. His eyes went from holding some sort of confusion to some sort of fear. Elizabeth pulled up a chair and sat down from across from us. My breath hitched one more as I looked her dead in the eyes. This seemed to scare everyone at the table, pressing their backs against the vinyl seats. 

“Smart girl,” My breath hitched once more, tears sticking to the back of my throat. “Have you told your companions about your little secret.”

I mustered as much courage as I could to speak with her, “Don’t. This isn’t about me Liz. This is about you. Now tell me, these men give you life, correct? Killing them somehow gives you their life in turn. 27 years of it to be exact and you have to ration it out to get to the next victim. You eventually get tired of waiting and that’s why everything speeds up. You got so tired of waiting. It drains energy to wait.”

“Well of course, clever girl. Always the clever one, aren’t you? Always one to figure things out ahead of the others.” 

All I wanted to do was leap over the counter and stab her in the throat but I tried to keep my cool as I looked at her. Dean placed a hand on my thigh once again and pressed down on it, stopping the shaking in it that I didn’t notice until now. I gritted my teeth together as I tried to make sure I was okay and calm in front of the woman. 

“Get to the point and answer my goddamn question, woman,” I was already ready to stab her in the neck for having the audacity to even come here.

“Answer the question? It seems like you already have your answer. Now I want to ask you a few questions.”

“No, I ask the questions and you answer them,” I shot a look at Sam and Dean who both stood up at my will, heading over to the woman and grasping her shoulders to which she struggled against. I tossed them a small amount of witch hazel out of my bag in hopes that it would help as well. Dean caught it and placed it under the hand he was using to hold her down. She hissed lightly, sitting back with resolve written all over her face. “Now that we’ve got that squared away. Where are you originally from?” 

“I don’t answer to anyone expect my husband.” Elizabeth sat back and looked up at Dean with soft eyes. 

“You should, I just made the Winchester brothers my bitches without any hesitation from them. If the Winchester brothers are my bitches without that hesitation, that is the scariest thing to ever happen. So answer my fucking question. Where are you from?”

Dean tightened his grip around her shoulder and she hissed a bit louder this time, “Somewhere you’ve already been.” 

“We’ve been all over the country. To heaven, to hell and purgatory so you’re covering a really wide range of area, we’re going to need you to narrow it down, yeah?”

“Somewhere hot and barren,” She spit towards me, the wad of DNA hitting the ground a few feet away from her. “You know where I’m talking about.”

Dean rolled his eyes and shifted uncomfortably, “Come on Noah, can I punch her?”

I sighed realizing Dean wouldn’t let his sass up until I let him do something about this girl’s nonresponse, “Yeah, go ahead.” 

Dean raised his right hand and brought it down to the woman’s cheek. She groaned weakly, the witch hazel taking affect on her body already. Her cheek became red, showing the first signs of bruising. A soft smile appeared on my face as I looked at her in pain. As sadistic as it was, I enjoyed seeing her face all great up. It made me feel more in control than ever before. She was in pain and I was the one who indirectly caused the pain in her cheek. I straightened my back and leaned into the vinyl. James and Samantha still held their shocked faces as if they were frozen in place…in time. Cas was in the same position. It was literally just the three of us and Elizabeth. 

“I am a child of Hell…the wife of hell and my husband will be on earth soon enough. I will be the one to raise him out of hell and onto earth.”

Sam, Dean and I all exchanged a look. We knew what it took to bring the Devil up here and this was defiantly not the way that he was going to come up if Elizabeth kept going about this. I turned to the woman with my brain still wondering what she was going on about.

“Okay and what does the Devil want with measly old earth?”

“He wants to be a ruler with a queen by his side,” Elizabeth was as cocky as can be with that stupid smile painted on her face. “And he will make me that queen as soon as he get’s up here. He will see all the hard work that I have done for him and make me queen. As soon as I kill all of these seals, he will make me queen.” 

I almost wanted to laugh at the idea of this. We all knew it was dumb and that someone just had to be fucking with her but she truly seemed to believe that this was the Devil’s work. Dean let out a small giggle, Sam doing just the same which devolved into all of us laughing at her. Elizabeth looked around the room, her one stone cold face turned into something a lot more confused. I almost felt sorry for her. She really did believe that the devil was going to come up to earth because she was doing all of this. It makes me feel a lot safer knowing this crazy bitch didn’t know what she was doing. 

“Seals? You think these guys are seals,” I asked through a small bit of laughter. Dean calmed down enough to press his hand into Elizabeth’s shoulder which caused her to hiss and groan in pain. I turned to her and looked her over as she struggled against his grip. Tears pricked at my eyes. “Those are innocent human beings. Those were people who had lives. Hopes, dreams, families…happiness. All of them had it and you are playing them like they’re toys.”

“So are you going to tell me how to get my husband out of Hell or are you just going to keep laughing at me?”

“I think we’re going to keep laughing because you are really funny, thinking that we are going to give you the seals.” 

“Are you sure that what I’m doing is wrong?” A softness appeared on her face as she looked down at her hands. 

“Yeah, Sammy over here was the one who broke the first of the seals way back when and gave us the caseload we have now,” I leaned over the table and tilted my head to the side. “I think you might be one of those pesky little things that broke out when Sammy did break the seals.” 

“But you’re not going to help me at all?”

“No, we’re not going to do anything in the way of helping you. You are not letting that asshole out again. He’s one tricky bastard to put back in to hell and we’re not about to clean up the mess you want to bring about, okay?”

“Then the Winchesters will surely be the downfall of earth once again,” Elizabeth elbowed the brothers the only place she could, both groaning and falling to their knees. She blew a purple dust out of her hands, it filling the room around us. It smelled of lavender. 

I turned to see Cas and the others. All three were as stiff as boards…or rather mannequins. Their skin was as shiny as plastic. Sam and Dean were slowly getting stiff as well. My own body feeling stiff under the new weight of my growing plastic body. My joints stiffened and I could almost feel the blood draining into the floor beneath me. the weight of my own head was too much for me. I leaned it against the table. My eyes grew heavy, eventually growing sleepy. 

~

“Noah, Noah…wake up!” Dean rocked my body back and forth to get me up. I lifted my head off of the table and looked around. I wasn’t where I was supposed to be. We weren’t in the restaurant anymore. We were in a remains of the restaurant we stopped in. 

“Where are we,” I rubbed my own eyes. “When are we?” 

“Four years later from what I see. Elizabeth got him, I already checked the autopsy report.” 

I groaned and looked down at my hands, slamming a fist down on the dusty table, “Goddamnit!”

I stood and kicked over a few boxes. My eyes stung with tears as I kept kicking around some stuff. Tears flowed out of my own eyes as I looked around the old abandoned place. Dean grabbed onto my shoulders and spun me around to face him as more tears flowed out of my eyes. He bent down to my eye level and looked me in the eyes.

“Shhhhh, shhh, shhh, it’s okay Noah,” Dean pulled me closer to him and into a hug. “You’re going to be okay. I swear you are going to be okay. We still have a lot of people to save.”

“But we were on a roll Dean, it is not going to be okay. It gives her power to kill these guys. She is going to grow more powerful with each and every fucking kill. We do not need her to keep going around and killing people. I wish I could smack that bitch in the face,” I struggled against Dean’s grip as I looked up at the man. He sighed and turned to everyone else. 

“Okay, get out and go after Malcom. See if you can find him anywhere, we’ll catch up with you as soon as possible, okay?”

Sam opened his mouth to protest but closed it almost immediately, looking down at his hands. I tossed him the binder off of the table along with my own bag. Sam nodded as he turned his back to me. Dean wrapped an arm around me and lead me into the back of the restaurant. A smile on his face made me a lot happier than what I had ever felt before, the anger and frustration melting away. 

“Noah, I need you to be strong. It’s okay to be frustrated but we need you to be the strongest one here, okay?”

“Don’t you understand how much time and energy I sunk into this theory, th-this collection of ideas I know more about that myself. It’s basically my only personality trait at this point. I swear on everything, this theory is essentially my child.” 

“We have got to keep moving, okay? We can’t keep stoping for you to have a breakdown. I need you to be strong, especially with the fact that Cas is still super skeptical about it. Please keep strong, Noah,” Dean splashed some water onto my face. 

I sat down, exhausted on the dusty ground. Dean sighed as he sat down next to me. I could almost feel the heat coming off of my face. Dean wrapped an arm around my shoulders and placed a kiss on my temple. I buried my face in his neck and kept my eyes down on the floor. I just wanted to fall asleep but I was terrified of what would happen if I were to fall asleep. Dean kept his arm around me and pulled me closer to him as he tried to calm me down. His smile was almost calm. 

“I need you as much as Sam needs you,” I whispered, scared of what might happen if the words weren’t received well. “As bad as it sounds, I do need you as much as Sam needs you.”

“Come on, you don’t need me. You are smarter than you think, Mr. College Degree. There’s so much you can do without me and you could have been someone. Someone that would have made me proud to say that I knew you. Can you imagine someone as low as me saying that I knew a well respected author or something?”

“You’re not as low as you think Dean, you’re smart and could have gone somewhere too. I mean, there’s always a chance for you to go back to college and get an engineering degree or something like that. Wouldn’t that be great?”

“Nah, my life is here with Sam and Cas…and with you if you decide to stay with us but you might not want to from the fact that you have so much more to do with your life. Maybe I can convince James and Samantha to stay with us in the bunker.”

“And what makes you think that Samantha won’t crumble into dust as soon as we get to our own time? I mean, isn’t it dangerous enough having her like a hundred years in the future, far away from her family, friends and people like her?”

“I guess we’ll just have to wait it out and see what happens but she hasn’t crumbled now and she seems to be holding up okay. We’ll talk to her once we find a safe place to stay, okay?”

I nodded and leaned my head up against Dean as I tried to calm myself down. It was as if I was in a weird trace and hadn’t broken out of it just yet. I turned to Dean and brought his face to mine. He smiled and brought his face down to mine, kissing my cheeks. A heat came up to my cheeks as I smiled up at him once more, my eyes looking at him. He pulled me closer to his chest and allowed myself to keep my body warm. 

“Okay,” I whispered and looked up at him. “We should get back to the others, I don’t want to leave them for long.”

Dean nodded as he stood up from his seat, brushing off the dust on his pants before walking over to his own bag and digging through it to bring out his old leather jacket, the one he had given me when I was a teen and tossed it to me, “I think you need this now more than ever.”

I touched the soft leather and brought it to my nose, the scent still there. A smile pulled at my cheeks as I put it on. Somehow, I hadn’t put it one since my college years. What was once a slightly large jacket now fit me perfectly and to be honest I liked it a lot better when it was bigger on me. Dean smiled as I pulled the jacket over my chest. He placed an arm around my shoulders as he brought me out of the restaurant. 

People gave us a weird look as we walked out of dusty old restaurant as fear began to realize that people might be stating at us for a more malicious reason than what I think Dean thought about. I pulled away from him and cleared my throat. People’s eyes shifted from malicious intent to softer. Dean didn’t seem to pay any attention to the others which I guess my own idea of why they were looking at me was different. I shifted my eyes down to the ground and sighed as we walked around the city.

“Dean, you do know why people look at us, right?” I looked over at Dean in an attempt to get his attention. 

“Yeah, we’re different but that’s okay,” Dean shrugged and looked down at me. 

“It’s because we look gay and I look very much black to someone who doesn’t know the difference between a mixed kid and a light skinned black person. This is the 60s and I have every right to be absolutely terrified.” 

“We don’t look gay, Noah, we are-,” Dean dropped his voice to a whisper. “Because we are gay.” 

“I know and this can only bring me actual harm if we keep going around like this. We can’t really even be this close to each other.”

“Whatever makes you feel comfortable,” Dean nodded and looked away from me as we kept walking. His body was stiff and his gait was faster than normal. I looked down at my own hands. 

“Come on Dean, I didn’t mean it like that and you know it.” Dean huffed and turned around. 

“What? We aren’t supposed to ‘look gay’ at all because we are going to get beat up. I mean, I know what I need to do to keep you safe, okay?”

I nodded, not even wanting to respond to him. We kept walking around to try and find our friends but to no avail. Though it was a big city and we were looking for four people who we actually needed to find along with one more whose life hung in the balance. Dean kept his own quiet until he stopped in front of another diner and walked in, sitting down in at one of the tables almost immediately. I sat down as well as we looked at each other from across the table. 

“So do we keep looking for your brother or do we just keep wandering around.” 

“We should look for Malcom, I guess. I don’t think it will be any use to actually look for your brother. We’ll find them eventually but I guess we have to go after the man of the day.”

“Okay, we have to keep going then. That’s all we have to do. We’ll find Sammy soon enough, okay?” I reached under the table and touched his hand gingerly, breaking my own tule almost immediately. Dean smiled at me, warm and happy.

For once, I felt like a normal person going on a date or something. Sam, Dean, Cas and I always spent a lot of time on the road with barely anytime to ourselves. Even if I did like Dean as more as a friend-which I did-we barely had anytime to actually spend with each other all alone. But now, stuck in the sixtes with the love of my life was not how I wanted my ‘first date’ to go. Dean kept his eyes down as a waitress walked over and set some menus in front of us, her eyes dragging over my skin. She looked like she was going to tell me off but just walked away as soon as she set down the menus. 

“Noah, you look uneasy, you okay?” Dean kept his hand entwined in mine as he looked me in the eyes. 

“Again, I am a black man in the sixties, I am going to be on edge until we get out of here.” 

I straightened my back and grabbed one of the menus, looking it over for a moment as I tried to figure out what I wanted. Dean did the same, keeping a hand on my knee and rubbing it lightly. He looked up over the menu for a moment and smiled cockily at me. I set my own menu down to get a better look at him. 

“What?”

“I think we should share a milkshake.” Dean chuckled a bit at the weird idea. “You know, get a little fun in here.” 

“Come on, we got a job to do. We don’t have time to be doing this.” I rolled my eyes and picked up the menu once more. A calloused hand touched to top and brought it down so I could look him in the eyes.

“Humor me just this once, give me this one thing. I mean, you were the one who dragged me all the way here, I should at least get to have a little fun, okay?” 

“Fine, but just this once Dean. We have a lot more to do than just drink milkshakes and eat burgers.”

“What would you like to eat,” The woman who had given us the menus looked at us, her eyes filled with disgust as she looked at me. 

Dean, noticing the disgust for once, ordered for the both of us, “I’ll have a burger and a chocolate milkshake. My friend here will have the same.” 

The woman nodded and left us alone, my eyes looking down at the table in front of me. Dean pulled his hand off of my knee and brought it up to the table. He turned his attention to the people around us. Of course there were some couples like us but we were clearly in the minority. There were more couples of one race than couples of two different ones. It was a little concerning and gilled me with a bit of anxiety to see those eyeing us. My body almost instinctively curled into myself. 

“If anyone even dares to touch you, I will punch them in the face so hard I will knock them into next week.”

I giggled and smiled at the man, “I don’t think that would be the best of ideas. I don’t want to land in the middle of the street dead, okay?”

“Whatever, I’m here to protect you. I promise.” I looked up at the man, hoping his promise was fake but he didn’t take it back. 

“Okay, you can protect me as much as possible.” I giggled and looked at Dean as we waited for our food to arrive. 

“Would you ever want to go somewhere outside of the US for once?”

“What do you mean, like for a hunt?”

“No, for a vacation. Like a small little vacation. Maybe even in the US for once. Just a small little trip for the two of us.”

“Hell no, we’ve got a job to do. We can’t just up and leave like that, you know?”

“Come on, just for a few days. We need to get away for awhile, not doing hunt after hunt.”

“No, we can’t just do that. We have to save the world first. Maybe once both of you stop fucking up and releasing all of these demons and shit we could have a moment of fucking silence for once.”

Dean sighed and sat back, “Fine, no vacation. I was just trying to think of something fun to do when we finish this hunt.” 

I sighed, sitting back as well and waited for our food. The food didn’t take much longer and we ate in relative silence, both of us just waiting for the awkward meal to be over. I paid for the meal in cash and we left as quickly as possible as we walked down the street. I felt warmth of the cool October air wash over me. If we weren’t actually on a hunt, I would have enjoyed the air a lot more. But right now, we were on a mission. 

“Malcom Hale, right?” Dean asked as I kept walking down the sidewalk. 

I turned to him, not hearing his footsteps anymore, “Yeah. Find something?”

Dean pulled a piece of paper off of the window of and handed it over to me. I took it from my own hands to examine it. Before I could even begin to read what was on the paper, the familiar smell of car exhaust filled my lungs. I coughed trying to clear my lungs of the gas. I kept coughing not able to clear my lungs of the smell. The gas appeared in front of my face in small clouds. Dean wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me into an alleyway, tearing the paper away from me. The coughing stopped and the smell disappeared. 

“How did Malcom die,” Dean placed his hands on my shoulders and shook me lightly. 

“Carbon monoxide poisoning,” I whispered. “He died of carbon monoxide poisoning.” 

Dean wrapped an arm around my waist and walked me out into the street. He kept the paper in the hands and kept me going as I struggled to breath. My eyes were full of tears. I could barely breath. My lungs stung. Every step was painful almost. But leaning against Dean helped a lot. We were going to be okay. Dean kept looking at the paper and trying to figure out he was going. My eyes grew heavy and so did my body. 

“Noah,” Dean slapped my face a few times in an attempt to keep me awake. “Noah please keep your eyes open.”

I dropped to my knees, losing the fight to stay upright. Dean bent down and brought me up over his shoulders. I don’t even think he knew where he was going. He just rushed me to the nearest place that felt like a hospital. His screams for help filled the air. My eyes slowly opened in an attempt to awake myself from this dream.

“I think my friend is dying,” Dean yelled as he tried to get someone to pay attention to me. “I have to get him some help.”

My eyes closed once more as I lost my fight against the poison running through my veins. I could hear the shuffling of people around us. They were all ignoring me. Dean groaned as he set me down on a gurney and sighed as he tried to get some help. I coughed once more as the gas filled my lungs once more. I could almost feel myself losing the fight against the poison. I reached out to Dean and tried to get his hands in mine but he was too far-and I was far too weak-away for me to grab his hands. Dean turned to me and smiled as he brought over a nurse who began to look me over. 

“You’re going to be okay. We will take good care of you here,” She smiled as she pulled down a blood pressure cuff. “Now what seems to be the problem, hun.”

“Don’t. Call. Me. Hun,” I growled, not even answering the question she had asked me. 

“He tried to commit suicide via carbon monoxide poisoning. I got to him in time but he’s still suffering the affects.”

The nurse nodded and stopped taking my blood pressure, rolling me into one of the rooms for more privacy. My eyes tolled back into my head as I drifted off into sleep once more, completely ready to be taken down by some stupid gas and not some ghoul or monster. I was ready to die as morbid as that sounds. I was completely ready to die. 

Unfortunately, I woke up what seemed like a few hours later. Dean, Sam, Cas, James and Samantha are all around me. Dean looked like he hadn’t slept in days. Neither did James. Everyone else looked just as worried as Dean but a lot more rested. Dean looked up at me, a smile breaking on his face as he looked at me. He rested a hand on mine as I fully woke up. 

“W-what happened? How long have I-,” Dean hushed me and just held my hand as the others turned their attention to me. 

“You’ve been out for almost a month. We found Malcom but Elizabeth had already gotten to him by the time we got there. Which means that she is probably far ahead of us by now. But we couldn’t just leave you here. That would be cruel and unusual to you at least. Plus, Dean wouldn’t let us leave you here all alone with no way out.” 

“Thanks,” My voice was hoarse from not having used it in so long. My mind wandered to wherever I might be. “But you really could have just left me here. I was probably a goner anyway.”

“I wasn’t going to leave you Noah. I could never leave you. Not when it’s so dangerous for you to be here.”

Cas tilted his head to the side in a silent question, his mouth parting ever so slightly but no words came out of his mouth. I turned my head to the side and blocked out my own vision so that I couldn’t see them anymore. I just allowed myself to grow much more tired than I ever had been. Dean’s hand was still on mine making me turn back to look at him. 

“Can I have a moment with Dean alone,” No one moved and exchanged a worried glance. “Please.”

Everyone walked out of the room and waited on the last person to leave and close the door behind them before I spoke again. Even then I could feel my body moving against the restraints, shaking ever so slightly against them as I looked over at him. He smiled lightly as I looked over at him. His thumb ran over my knuckles. If I wasn’t so sick, this would be a sweet moment. 

“I’m losing this fight, aren’t I? I dragged us into a losing fight, one we would never win.”

“This isn’t a losing fight. We still have a few more people left before we have to stop going after her.”

“And she has a leverage against us know. She has a whole month on us now because of my own stupidity.”

“We didn’t know a piece of paper would hurt you this much but I am glad you’re okay.” 

“Me neither but you really should have just left me here. I don’t want to keep you behind from getting her.”

“This is your hunt Noah, we couldn’t just leave you behind. It would be wrong to leave you here all alone.”

“But now she’s so far ahead of us. She could-,” 

“This is your hunt Noah, we need you more than you think. Remember, you were the one who researched this shit for fucking years. If we left you here we would have no way of knowing who we were looking for and what happened to them.”

“Sam…he has my binder, you could have done this all without me and left me behind. I know you can leave me behind. I’m too much of a liability here.” 

“Noah, you are not a liability. We need you, what’s so hard to understand about that?”

“Look at me, I am half-blind and can’t even walk correctly let alone go for long periods of time while walking. Now I am in the hospital due to something I can’t even begin to explain. I slow you all down.” 

“We need your brains as much as we need your body…,” Dean paused as he realized that the words that had fallen out of his mouth sounded dirtier than he had intended. “Sorry about that. That didn’t come out right.”

I chuckled and looked at him as a smile appeared on his face, “That’s okay. I know what you meant.”

“I hope you know what I meant, but we do need you. We have always needed you. And I don’t think I could have left you here. I don’t think my mind would have let me do it. I think I finally know what you mean by you just can’t let this thing go now. I understand what it means to invest so much time into something that if you just left it, you would crumble and die.” 

“I mean, at least someone is finally coming around to what I’m saying. Don’t like that you care for me so much that you are jeopardizing the mission for me but I gu-,”

“I am not jeopardizing the mission. I am keeping the one person who I know can actually get us through this mission safely. I mean, you are the only one who has studied these cases back and front. We only know what you give us but everything you know is all up in your head and you can’t give us that. Whatever is locked inside your head, we can’t get unless you tell us and we can’t get that as long as you are stuck in the past or dead.” 

“Thanks Dean. Thank you for not leaving me here. Thank you for keeping them all here. You are a saint.”

“Nah, I ain’t no saint, but can you imagine it,” Dean chuckled. “Saint Dean. What would I even be the patron saint of? Booze? Prostitutes? Food?”

“No,” Dean tilted his head to the side as he examined me. “You’d be the patron saint of monster hunters like you.”

“I mean, I guess that would be kind of cool but isn’t there a process? Like, bathing in holy water or something?”

I chuckled, my lungs straining against the force, “I don’t know. Maybe we’ll ask Cas.”

There was a beat of silence before either of us spoke again, “Wanna get out of here? I can call the nurse for the discharge papers.” 

“Yeah, let’s get out of here. We already lost so much time already, don’t want to waste any more time.” 

“Good,” Dean pressed the nurse call button and smiled at me, stroking my cheek as he pulled back and waited for the nurse. “You know, I was really worried about you. That coughing fit then I was wondering if anyone would treat you because what if this wasn’t a place that would treat black people then I would have to find another place and you could have died by then.” 

A nurse, the one who had originally saw me, came in. A warm smile on her face as she began taking out of all of my IVs. I smiled back at her and groaned as she set a baggie of medicine in front of me. I turned to her as I watched her walk around the bed and start fiddling with some of the other instruments around me. 

“Okay, you’re meds. I wrote it all down so you don’t have to worry about remembering it. But you take the orange one on even days, the blue one on odd days and the white ones every day. As soon as you run out, go get them refilled and keep going until you run out of those then you’re all good,” She smiled and set me u, handing me my clothes. I smiled back and groaned again. My body was weak and bruised, Dean helping me up. 

“Okay big boy, I’ll help you get dressed, just like old times,” Dean paused once more. “What we used to do was objectively dirty now that I say it out loud.”

“I mean, it kind of was but we both know it wasn’t,” I chuckled, my ribs straining against what I knew wasn’t going to be good for a few weeks. “Well I guess I am a little more disabled than what I want to be but I guess this is better than the foot.”

Dean tapped my legs and I straightened them out as Dean pulled my boxers on then my pants. There was a twinge of sexual energy as I lifted myself up just a bit for him to pull on my jeans. Dean smiled and pulled back for a moment before he pulled himself closer to untie my gown. His breath was on my neck as his own fingers touched me. Before, our touches were innocent and less sexual but now they held something a lot more than what I had ever hoped for. Dean smiled as he pulled down the gown and replaced it with my own shirt. 

“Thank you for helping me,” I slid off of the bed and took the bag of meds off of the table. “It means a lot.”

“You don’t have to thank me at all. I just wanted to help you, that’s all. I mean, we have been around each other for years.” 

We walked out of the room and towards the waiting room since we didn’t see our group waiting outside of the room. We did find our little group waiting inside of the waiting room. Sam stood and smiled at me, almost looking relived. Cas looked almost relieved as well. Cas wrapped his arms around me and hugged me close. I hugged him back and smiled. This was one of the only times we had hugged and each time I was super surprised that it had happened. 

“Are you all clear to travel?” Cas pulled back and looked at me, blue eyes looking straight into mine.

“I think I am clear to travel,” I looked down at the clearance form which stated I probably shouldn’t be in planes or cars for awhile. “At least I am clear to travel by angel.”

“Okay then,” Dean wrapped an arm around my shoulders and smiled down at me. “Then I guess we travel by angel.”


	10. Nine

I was the first one to appear in the middle of a sidewalk like we were normally dropped off. Dean appeared next to me a few seconds later. Then Samantha and Sammy. James and Cas were the last two to appear. Then we set off in motion, walking down the street. We walked towards some sort of center of the sidewalk. Dean placed a hand in mine and smiled down at me as he squeezed my hand reassuringly.

“Sam,” I turned to him. “Can I get my binder back? I kind of feel naked without it.”

Sam smiled and nodded as he dug around in my backpack for the binder. Then he realized that he was digging around in my backpack so he just handed the whole thing over to me. I smiled at Sam and placed the bag over my shoulders. A wave of relief came over my body as I turned back to walk forwards. Dean kept his hand in mine as we walked down the street with nothing in mind. 

“So who are we supposed to be going after right now,” Sam asked as I kept my own hands in his. 

“Dickie Pride, another musician and our first drug overdose. Yay,” My voice sounded a lot happier than what it was supposed to be. “That sounded way too happy, I’m sorry.”

“Are drug overdoses fun for you or something?” Dean smiled as he kept the joke going. 

“I mean, they’re fun in the fact that we get to go into the seedy underbelly of the city and see what is going on down in reality. Every city has an unfavorable side and I want to see that underside and now I get to see it, at least from the prospective of the era in which drugs were a really bad problem.” 

“Oh, so that’s why you are so excited? You want to see what actually happened to all of your favorite people.”

“No, I just want to see this side of the city…if that makes any sort of sense.” 

“Oh, okay,” Dean leaned down and kissed my cheek. “So where do we start if you’re so keen on finding out this little conspiracy.”

“That is where I have no idea. I think we have to get to find Dickie and get into one of his concerts and his inner circles, you know?”

“Of course, super easy, barely an inconvenience,” Sam rolled his eyes and shot me a look as we continued down the street.

“I mean. It can’t be as hard as I think it is. Or is it?” I stopped in my tracks and turned to the moose of the man. 

“I think it might be a little bit harder than what you might actually expect. We’d have to get past security and everything so that might be an issue.” 

“I mean, of course that’s going to be an issue but like, I have the charm of a normal woman.” I pretended to flip my hair over my shoulder and smiled flirtatiously at Sam.

“Or we can just use me to get past security,” Samantha spoke up for the first time in awhile and smiled at us. 

I pushed us all to the side of the sidewalk so we weren’t clogging up the middle of the sidewalk. It was more of a safety hazard than anything else. Samantha just kind of smiled at me and waited for me to do or say something. I turned to the woman next to me and waited for her to speak some more. It was a good idea and I think she knew it. There was a twinkle in her eye as she smiled up at me. 

“So you think you can get past security? Like legit?” I asked as I looked at the woman.

“I mean, it can’t be that hard,” Samantha adjusted her breasts in her corset. Sam and Cas averted their eyes, Dean took a quick look before turning away and James stared at them unabashedly and smiled happily. “I clearly have the charms to get through to some hunters.” 

“You’re right, we just have to find someone who can get us into a concert or something.”

Dean smiled, this was almost his specialty at his point, “I’ve got this. You guys go get Noah sitting down. Make sure he takes his meds, I don’t want him dying on us now. We’ll meet back here in let’s say, two and a half hours, yeah?”

“Dean, I-,” Sam sighed as Dean went off down the street after looking at where we were. I did the same-Flora’s Flowers-then I moved towards the restaurant down the street. 

“Come on Sam, stop trying to stop him. We’ve got some work to do. We can’t have you questioning everything you questioning everything Dean does right now,” I adjusted the straps on my backpack and continued my walking. The four of them kept up behind me. 

“Okay, okay, if the loverboy says so,” Sam teased, a soft laugh leaving his mouth. 

“Wait, you and that other guy are…involved?” Samantha jogged up to my left side. 

“I mean, yes but Dean doesn’t seem to think that we’re involved,” I shrugged as I walked into the diner and looked up at the sign hanging at the front behind the cash register seeing many types of pies on the menu. “Wow, Dean would love it here. I think I’m gonna get him an apple pie to go.”

“A whole ass apple pie? Really Noah? How are we going to carry that,” Sam asked as he walked looked at me. 

“I will carry it myself but if I start complaining, then you can smack my upside the head.” 

Sam nodded and lead me towards a booth towards the back of the restaurant just like we had always done. Samantha lifted her skirt as she walked over, leaning on Cas for help. We still hadn’t found her a leg for her to stand on. She would have to wait for awhile since it was clear that the guys didn’t seem to think about but I guess they were just too concerned about me. James smiled at me as he let me into the booth. I smiled back at him as I slid in. 

“Did any memory of what happen to you come back to you James?” I asked as he sat down.

“Nope, nothing yet. Just know I got these wings,” James smiled at me. “Can’t see Cas’ wings either. I assume I could see them if I was an actual angel.”

“You might just need to figure out that you’re an angel before they actually come to you,” I paused. “You know, seeing the wings.” 

“Maybe but I don’t know about that, Noah. I think we just have to wait and see what some of the other angels say,” Sam picked up a menu left on the table and looked it over.

“Are you actually thinking of throwing him to the wolves?” I leaned forward and looked at the man. 

“It’s the only thing we have to go off of. I mean, if they say James is an angel I would actually believe them. Not that Cas’ word isn’t good, it would just be more validation, you know?”

“I say we take Cas’ word for it, maybe he’s something else and not an angel. We could have never seen something like him before.”

“Well, I guess you could be right. He could be something completely different,” Sam looked at me and smiled then looked over at James. 

James smiled and I was almost completely blinded by his smile. He had a dimple in his left cheek and the right side pulled up a little bit higher than the left side. It was a true smile, crows feet appearing around his eyes. Sam hit me when he realized that I was staring and snapped me out of it. I looked down at my hands and reached out for the menu and looked over it for a few moments before passing it off to James. 

“James…I like that name,” Samantha drawled as if she was hearing the name for the first time. “It sounds very regal.”

James looked up from the menu, realizing he had been addressed, “Oh. Thank you. Don’t know where I got it.”

This earned a small laugh from Samantha, covering her mouth as she did so. James passed the menu over to Samantha and looked over at Cas who had remained silent throughout the entire exchange. My eyes lifted from out booth and scanned the room. There were a few regulars which I had expected who were being served by women in red and white stripped dresses. There were men in the kitchen working in similar outfits with some aprons on. There was a scrawny man behind the cash register looking bored out of his mind. A jukebox stood next to the register. 

I dug into my pocket looking for some coins. Sam raised an eyebrow as I pulled out a nickel and waltzed over to the jukebox, a smile on my face. There were a lot more selections than what I had expected and it took me a few moments to even read over all of the selections. I eventually landed on a song that sounded a lot slower than some of the other selections on the list. The nickel slipped in without hesitation and I made my selection before waltzing back over and extending a hand to James. 

“Come on, let’s dance,” I smiled at the angel, or so we thought for the time being, and waited for him to take my hand. “Don’t be shy.”

James took my hand in his and stood up as I lead him over to a bit of open space away from the paths of the waitresses and almost completely out of sight of the other customers. I placed a hand on his shoulder, taking his hand in mine as James placed a hand on my waist. We swayed back and forth for a few moments, letting the music take us away for a few moments of solace. 

“Do you actually like Dean or do you like the idea of him?” James pulled away from me and looked into my eyes. 

“I beg your pardon?” I shifted my gaze to James’ chest as I searched my mind for what would make James ask that. 

“Do you like the idea of Dean? What he could actually be rather than what he actually is?”

“I don’t understand what the hell you’re asking James. Of course I like Dean for who he is.”

“Isn’t it kind of weird that you two have been friends since you were like five?”

“How do you know that,” I stepped back and searched James’ eyes. Where the hell did he get that information? “I never told anyone about that…ever except for Sam and Cas.”

“I don’t know. Maybe you told me or the brothers let it slip at one point. I don’t know but, don’t you find it a little weird? How long you’ve been friends? How Sam and Dean are really the only ones who have ever given you love? How Dean is in almost a position a power over you?”

“He never used that position of power for me at all. He’s my best friend, James. He has always been my best friend and now that friendship has evolved into something a lot more and I am okay with that. Why are you so pressed about it?”

“I don’t know but I feel something odd about you being with him. Something deep within my stomach, my intuition says you shouldn’t be with him.”

“Well I think your intuition is wrong James and I’m sorry but Dean is the love of my life.” 

“I am sorry but I have to disagree Noah. There’s something off about your relationship. Everything seems forced and stiff about it.”

“Drop the subject James. Please. Dean is mine and mine alone. I love him and he loves me.”

“Okay, okay, dropping the subject,” James kept moving with me and smiled down at me. “So, you really hunt people like me?”

“I am against going up against angels and demons. They’re pretty overrated and boring hunts at this point. It’s gotten to the point where I fucking hate going on those hunts and I refuse to go to on those hunts anymore and I really just stay behind.”

“So going after a little old witch is fun for you?” James tilted his head to the side a bit, softly smiling at me. 

“Yeah, demons and angels are all motivated by their masters…even though God isn’t really alive anymore but I love seeing what witches and ghosts are motivated by. Love, hate, revenge, you know? It’s ask really fun to be honest, digging through the history.”

“Makes a lot of sense,” James tilted his head up as the song ended. “I guess we should order some food, right?”

“Yeah,” I led him back over to the booth and let him sit down before me then I sat down. James smiled as he took the menu and looked it over once more. “What are you getting?”

“A burger and fries. Maybe a milkshake too,” James smiled and handed the menu to me but I rejected it.

“I already know what I want but thank you,” I smiled at James and turned my attention to Sam. “Do you know what you want?”

“Of course I know what I want,” Sam chuckled and looked at me. “I had an entire song to choose what I wanted.” 

I chuckled and shook my head as Sam watched as James put the menu back down. Sam smiled as he leaned forward towards me as if he was going to tell me a secret but he placed a huge hand on my bicep as he stood up. He dragged me off to the back and looked me dead in the eyes. His jaw clenched in anger as I tried to get away from him. I was sure to have a bruise on my arm from how Sam was holding me. 

“What did you tell James? Tell me what you told him,” Sam didn’t let up on my arm as I struggled against his grip, tears pricking at my eyes. 

“Let go Sam, please let go. You’re hurting me. I will tell you anything you want as long as you let me go.” 

Sam let go of my arm and rubbed the already red mark as he sighed as if he didn’t realize his own strength, “I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you like that.”

“James just asked about my relationship with Dean and accused him of using his power to actually make me love him.” 

“Oh, that was it?” Sam almost looked like he was sorry for his words but he didn’t seem like he was. 

“Yeah, that was it asshole. Now I’m gonna have a bruise on my arm,” I turned and walked away, almost running into Dean, a smile plastered on his face as he held up a poster.

“I got the poster,” Dean scanned over my body, his smile falling from his face. “What’s wrong Noah?”

“Your brother over here gripped my fucking arm and dragged me over here to ‘talk’. Think I’m gonna get a bruise.” 

Dean’s face turned red as he dropped the paper, rushing towards Sam and knocking him to the ground. Dean punched his brother in the face, the sound of flush on cheekbone was all too common for me. I slowly walked towards Cas and the others. Cas shot me a worried look as I tilted my head towards the back where grunts from both Dean and Sam. He nodded as he stood up from the booth and calmly walked back with me towards the fight. No one in the restaurant seemed to take any notice of the fight. 

“I am the only one allowed to leave bruises on Noah and that will only be in the kinky way!” 

Dean landed another punch on his face as I reached down and tried to pull him off of Sam but he wouldn’t stop attacking his own brother. Sam was bloody and bruised as he looked up at me with sad eyes. I looked towards him and tried once more to get Dean off of Sam and he relented, pulling him off of Sam. Dean’s hands were beginning to bruise. Dean and I looked at each other for a split moment, his eyes turning soft. 

“What the hell were you thinking, Dean? You two are not the Kray Twins! You can’t be fighting like this!” 

“I’m sorry, Noah. I didn’t like that he had bruised yo-,” I raised a hand to stop him. 

“No, I don’t need an excuse from you. I just need you to shut up and get back to the fucking table,” Dean didn’t move for a small moment. “Move!”

Dean shuffled back to the the table his tail between his legs. I took Sam into the bathroom and smiled at him. He smiled at me and looked down at the tiles between his feet. It wasn’t that bad, just a busted lip and some other little scraps and bruises. I knew he was going to be okay but it still hurt me to look at him like this. I turned to the sink, looking over at the rust on the sink. It didn’t look particularly safe but it would have to do. The hot water faucet looked super clean so I turned that on and waited for it to get all warm. He smiled as he waited for me to work on the wounds. 

A knock on the door made me turn my attention away from Sam to the door. I kept my eyes down as I opened up the door, which probably wasn’t the best possible way to go. But Dean stood in the doorway, which made me feel a bit safer but not something I would have done if I were on more high alert. Dean held the first aid kit in his hands and pushed his way past me into the bathroom. He began working on the wounds he gave his brother, practically forcing me out of the bathroom. I closed the door behind me and let them have their moment. 

This time it was my turn to walk to the booth with my tail between my legs. I could feel all eyes on me and it was completely horrible. I felt inadequate and terrible. I felt like a walking mistake. It all felt like I was going to go to hell. My heart sank into my stomach as I sat back down in the booth. No one said a word to me. My eyes trailed over the different colored tiles on the floor. I got up, adjusting my seat for a moment as I turned to the man next to me. James gave me a weak smile as I looked back down at the table. 

A few moments later, the two bothers were sitting at the table once more. Sam ordered all of our food, almost inherently knowing what we all wanted before turning to me with puppy dog eyes, “What’s the matter, Noah-bear?”

“It’s okay,” I faked a smile and a cheery voice to cover up my sudden sadness. “I will be okay.”

“Come on,” Sam stood and took my arm once again. Gentler this time under Dean’s watchful gaze. “We’re going to go talk for a bit.”

Sam took me outside and into the light of the sunny day. I curled up almost instinctively under the man’s gaze and looked down at my own hands. It was spring and it was still a little chilly out. The wind blew past us, the cold becoming much harder to ignore. I turned to try and get back through the door but Sam yanked me back, “You’re going to talk to me whether you like it or not.”

“What if I don’t want to. You can’t work on an unwilling victim,” I huffed as tears pricked at my eyes. “You can’t because I won’t talk to you.”

“Please Noah, I want you to talk to me. You’ve been as closed off as closed off can be since I met you and all I want to do is get to know you and make you happy.”

“What? So you can use the information against me? I won’t let a demon-blood sucking liar to have that information. Do you think I could just trust you after that Sam?” 

“You still don’t trust me after that Noah? That was years ago. You won’t let that fucking go?”

“No! Because you screwed us all over and started the fucking apocalypse asshole. You gave us all of this trouble when we could have been completely done with this saving the world thing. We could be fucking normal and yet you had to go and do that!”

“Who’s idea was it to go on this hunt? Who’s idea was it to chase after a fucking witch when we have better things to do? Who’s idea was it to join us after being told all of the risks? It was you, Noah. You joined us and you could have been living a completely normal life because you had the choice! The choice to be normal!”

“Oh, like you didn’t have a choice to be normal Sam! You had the same choice I did and you threw it all away, just like I did and you fucking know it. We both had this choice and we both had this choice and we both chose to follow your brother!”

“It was the family business, Noah. You had every chance to leave this all behind and you know it. You could have been anything you wanted and yet you are sitting here with all of us.”

“Because I wanted to, this was my choice as was yours. I followed your dad and Dean all the way here and I will continue to follow them until the day I die!”

Sam stepped back as he looked me over. I could feel the heat in my cheeks and the rumbling of my heart in my chest. My eyes were straight into his. The one thing I hadn’t done ever. It was almost scary to think that I was looking into his eyes. The one thing I was afraid of I was becoming increasingly better at. Sam’s eyes were completely full of rage. They were more full of rage than I had ever seen them and it was as if we had a stare off for a few moments. Our breathing was heavy and our eyes are locked. I could have sworn a piece of tumbleweed rolled past us but nothing happened. 

Sam’s voice softened, “Follow Dean until the day you die? When do you think that might be for a hunter like you?”

My heart sank into my stomach once more, “I tend to think about that a lot, actually, even before I joined the two of you.”

Sam raised an eyebrow to look at me and moved forward as if he was about to hug me but didn’t. His mouth was left agape as he looked at me. Tears filled his eyes, rolling out onto his cheeks. This was the first time I had told anyone that I actually wanted to die, that I ever wanted to die. I wanted to take it back immediately…the words I had just spoken but I knew none of it would make a lick or sense if I did. 

“You? You wanted to die even before you joined us? So was this just a way to off yourself without actually doing it yourself?”

I sat down on the ground and took a deep, shaky breath. My eyes looked up towards the sky as I tried not to cry, “A wise man once sang ‘I don't want to die, sometimes wish I'd never been born at all’. I never wanted to be born, Sam.”

“So you’re just going to off yourself because you want out of your stupid little life contract?”

“Yeah. Before…,” I chuckled as I shook my head. “You know what, forget it. It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does Noah. It does matter. I want to know why you want out…you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I do want to know why you want to kill yourself, Noah.”

I took a deep breath and released it a moment as I started my whole spiel, “I wanted-I want to die because I see no way out of this stupid little life I never wanted at all. I didn’t consent to be born and it didn’t seem like my mom wanted me either. I just wanted to be a normal kid, a normal life. I wanted to be ordinary and yet I was thrust into this goddamn stupid life that I call my own. I was way too smart for my own good, left college early and wound up hunting the monsters under my bed at night when all I wanted to do was be a normal person.”

“And? That doesn’t seem all that bad. I mean, not that much of an insight, is it?”

“Sam, I never told anyone this, not even Dean. I try to be as normal as possible around him but he doesn’t know the extent of all of my problems. The summer after I finished Kindergarten, I saw my friend drown in a pool, unable to save her. I saw her lifeless body at the bottom of that pool, Sam. It was a year after you left me. Somehow the ghost didn’t traumatize me at all. It was the death of a friend that did me in. Freshman year of high school split me even more. Three, by my count, school shooting threats and more lockdowns than I can count on two hands. This was the onset of my depression, hard. I wanted to kill myself for what seems like every other month and no one ever wanted to stop it. I didn’t even want to stop it. Sophomore year brought more threats and lockdowns, a clown and a bomb thrown into the mix. Junior year…,” I chocked up at the thought of speaking the words. “A friend killed himself…it brought back all of my own insecurities and hurt. I wanted to do it even more now. I…Sam, I have issues. PTSD, depression, anxiety…maybe even an eating disorder, I don’t know. The first three are confirmed so I have no problem with that.”

“Well fuck, that’s a lot,” Sam sat down next to me and wrapped an arm around me. “That means a lot for you to share with me.” 

“No problem, it feels good to finally tell someone. Dean…he can’t know until I am ready to tell him.” Sam nodded, looking out into the parking lot. 

“It just feels right now that I told someone.” I leaned my head on Sam’s shoulder. 

The back door clicked open and revealed Dean walking through it and towards us, “Food is on the table. Let’s go eat.”

I stood and walked into the room, smiling to myself all the while. The weight off of my shoulders made me feel a lot lighter now. I could smell the food from the back of the restaurant. I skipped towards the booth, sitting down and beginning my feast of champions. Dean smiled at me as if nothing had happened. I stuffed my face full of food, going after anyone else’s food that wasn’t touched. Cas tilted his head like a puppy hearing a new sound for the first time. The food, it almost tasted like air I was shoving it into my mouth so fast. It was so nice to finally eat. It was as if I hadn’t eaten in days and I was finally eating all the food I ever wanted. 

“You sure are one hungry boy,” Dean cracked as he looked me over. I smiled back at him and kept eating. “Leave some for the rest of us, why don’t you?”

I pulled back from the food and pushed it away from me, “I’m sorry…you guys can have the rest.”

“I didn’t mean for that to be a bad thing, Noah. You can keep eating, it’s fine.”

The weight of the food felt a lot heavier now. All I wanted to do was get up and throw it all up again. I wanted to just heave it all out but not with everyone around me. I kept it all inside and let it digest. The disgusting feeling making me want to throw up even more but that was the end of it. That was the end of everything for me…at least for now.

~

The plan went into action and we were all in place. Dean wore a baseball cap to cover his face as we picked up an amp to carry inside. The air around us was electric and tense all at the same time. I could feel the energy of those who were excited to see Dickie Pride but the air between Dean and I was thick. We were completely silent with each other. Sam kept watching me as if I were going to say anything. My eyes moved to the amp as Dean and I moved it inside of the concert hall. It was going to be a fun night if anything. The tense air might actually dissipate. 

Dean and I dropped the amp onto the floor, someone else coming over to move it into its rightful spot. Even though I wasn’t the one performing, I still had all the nerves of someone who was going to perform. Dean flashed me a smile as I walked down the hallway, feeling over the racks of clothing. I loved it all. It felt like I was going back in time to when I did theater. The quick costume changes in the back, the adrenaline fueling my body more than the food from two days ago that I had snuck away from my mother. It all felt right. The sparks flew into my wrists as I walked past all of the costumes for the night.

“You look happy,” Dean commented as he brushed past me and ducked down to my level. “But where’s that beautiful smile of yours? Seems to be missing from that handsome face of yours.”

“I guess you could say I’m a but melancholy. I miss the whole performance aspect of things, I really do. Used to do theater in high school, remember that?”

“Nah, don’t think you ever told me about that. You want to tell me any more bout that?”

“No, it’s fucking embarrassing,” I giggled. “No one ever wants to hear about the theater phase.”

“Come on, were you in tights? Please tell me you were in tights,” Dean begged as he pressed his hands together in a silent prayer. 

“No,” I paused for a moment as Dean opened his eyes. “And no, I never did Shakespeare either so don’t even think about asking me.”

“Come on, let me hear something Noah…if you remember anything from all those years ago.”

“Shut up, Dean,” I turned away and kept walking towards the other side of the stage where Sam was supposed to be. 

Sam held a clipboard and a walkie-talkie. He looked official with his shirt all buttoned up. I smiled at the man as I walked past him and kept my head down. James stood at the side stage, looking over the crew that was working on. I felt my body tense around the other people but I kept my head up as I brushed past the other angel to try and find Cas. I smiled at James as I turned around towards him, almost bumping into someone else. I turned back around to face Cas who smiled down at me. We all kind of acted as if either of us didn’t know each other.

“Ten minute call! Show starts in ten minutes!” A man called over the walkie-talkies we all had. 

My eyes scanned the room one last time before we all went into position. Sam was on one side of the stage, Samantha in the crowd, Dean on the other side, James and Cas in the back. Me? Well I was going to be on the scaffolding. I walked over to the ladder and moved up it like a monkey climbing a tree. I kept my eyes on the prize the whole time, the crowd. I knew Elizabeth was in there and she was going to make sure she killed Dickie. I knew of everything she was planning before she even thought about it. She may have had a month on us but we had more than enough time to have the history change behind her. She was in the crowd and I knew every bit of information that I needed to take her down. 

“Ten minutes to opening and we got ten minutes until it all starts.” 

I kept my eyes on the crowd as I stepped onto the catwalk. I let out a shaky breath as I felt the height start to get to me. It was way too high for me but I had to take it. I had to take this spot because it was the best view. Even if it meant the thing would break down underneath me. I needed to be here for the moment. It was all too real for me. way too high for me but I had to take it. I had to take this spot because it was the best view. Even if it meant the thing would break down underneath me. I needed to be here for the moment. It was all too real for me. My breathing was shakier than ever as I tried to calm myself down. I tilted my head back as I eased myself down into a sitting position. The catwalk swayed underneath my weight. I almost threw up then and there.

“Come on, come on,” I begged silently as people filed into the concert hall. “You are in there somewhere.”

She was smart but she wasn’t smarter than history. She was going to have to come out sooner or later. I was going to see her somehow, some way. It was all going to go to shit sooner or later and it was all going to be under my wing. I tilted my head back and tried to stay as calm as possible. I kept my eyes on the prize for as long as possible. My body shook as I looked around the crowd. I couldn’t see any faces but I could feel it. I could feel the presences of everyone around me.

“Alright, we got showtime in five. Everyone get ready otherwise we will have a literal shitshow. Keep your heads up and your eyes peeled. We don’t want you to get fired, now do we?”

I closed my eyes and let my fear fall away for once. I just allowed myself to feel at ease for once. I knew I shouldn’t have my eyes closed but it all felt so good. It really did. It all felt so freaking good. The energy in the room was undeniable. I could feel every single bit of energy in the room. The chatter of excited people all around me was more than what I could ever feel. It was a buzz…a high I didn’t want to be gone. I had forgotten what it felt like to be at a concert. Everyone around you so excited for what was about to happen. Everyone there because of one person…or people. It was all so undeniable. I loved it. The energy was more that what I ever could have felt.

I leaned forward and laid my head on the metal bar in front of me. Cool, still, but had energy in it. My eyes were supposed to be open but my eyes were tired. The shadows moved but no shift in presence was noticed. A yawn escaping my mouth as I opened my eyes once more. I kept my eyes down and didn’t move at all for a moment. It was all too much for me. The energy, the moving, the chatter, all of it. I lifted my head up and looked down at the crowd. 

“Well, well, well, looks like someone is looking in the wrong place,” My body tensed as I turned towards the voice. 

“Fucking Elizabeth,” I lifted myself up to stand. “I thought you would be in the crowd by now.”

“Plans change, Noah. You should know that,” Elizabeth tilted her head to the side and looked at me. “Looks like you are going through a little bit of a tough time.”

“No, not at all,” I looked at her in the eyes and straightened my back a little bit. “But you are going to be a little thorn in my side, I assume. Isn’t that right?”

“I think you’re more of a thorn in my side than anything else. You’re the only one who ever went after me.”

“Of course I am the only one who ever went after you, the only one who will ever go after you because I will take you down.” 

I straightened into a fighting position and waited for her to do the same. I looked at her as she moved into a fighting position and lifted the skirt of her dress up enough to fight. I looked at her and we stood there for a moment, the concert started below us causing the catwalk to shake beneath us. I could feel the bass in my chest, stepping towards Elizabeth. 

I don’t want to fight a woman, but it looks like I have to. Another wave of pain went through my head, knocking me down and to my knees for a few moments. Elizabeth didn’t even move. She let me collapse and didn’t take the chance to take a hit on me. My eyes darted to her then back down at the catwalk below me. 

My eyes scanned over Elizabeth once before she landed a punch on my cheek. I stumbled back, taking note of how much space I had before I fell off. She had gained the lead on me. I turned to her, kicking in her chest and knocking her back a bit. A groan left her mouth as she moved back. I took the moment to notice what move I could make next. I allowed her move back and wiped her legs out from under her. The clanking metal was covered by the music. I lifted the walkie-talkie up to myself, tuning it to the right frequency the six of us were on. 

“We’ve got a situation here, I need backup!” Elizabeth yanked me back by my feet and hung me over the catwalk. “Now!”

I struggled against her. Anything I did would lead to my death most certainly so I went limp in her arms. But she didn’t drop me immediately so she was probably going to keep me alive. Blood rushed to my head and arms, making me feel sick to my stomach. My eyes drifted over to the people below me. The screams of the crowd covered my struggled. The walkie-talkie hissed with static near my ear. No response from anyone. I whined and turned it back on to speak. 

“Dean! Sam! Cas! Fucking help me! I need some help right now!” I screamed into the walkie-talkie to no response. “Anyone want to fucking help me?”

“Shit, coming!” Dean called back and I waited for him to come to my rescue. 

“Oh shut up!” Elizabeth shook me a bit, the walkie-talkie wiggling in my hand and I think she hoped to get it out of my hand but her grip on me loosened. 

The clanking of metal sounded more like a ringing church bell than just a ladder. I smiled to myself and waited as Elizabeth shook me. I groaned as I waited for Dean to come and get me. All I wanted to do was scream but the best thing I could do was wait it out and make sure I wasn’t going to die first. I counted the footsteps of Dean as I tried to not pass out. All of the blood was making me woozy. My eyes wanted to close and my body was going weak. My limbs started to go numb from all of the blood or lack of blood. Spots appeared in my line of vision as a grunt left Elizabeth’s mouth as a foot left one of her hands. I screamed and covered my mouth as to not give us away. No one seemed to notice that I was up here-that we were here. The other hand left my ankle and I started to free fall down with no way to get myself righted in the milliseconds needed to do so.

I reached out. I didn’t touch anything and knew that I would never be able to touch anything like this ever again. I looked down at my hands as I took a soft free fall towards my most certain death. A hand wrapped around my left ankle and then my right. My body was yanked up onto the catwalk. My body flopped over onto Dean as he lifted up a gun to Elizabeth, taking a few shots at her. This got the attention of the crowd and sent them into a panic, everyone rushing to the exits. Elizabeth took a few steps back and disappeared before us. Dean dragged me towards the ladder, fireman carrying me down the steps and out of the exits. My whole body was woozy and my stomach churned lightly and threatened to spill the contents in it out onto the concrete below me. 

“Dean,” I tapped his back in hopes to stop him but he kept walking down the street towards the diner that we had agreed to meet up at if anything happened to us. “Dean please stop, I’m going to throw the fuck up.” 

Dean didn’t stop but kept walking as I slammed on his back in hopes to get his attention, “Dean! Stop for one fucking moment and let me throw up!”

Dean dropped me for a moment as I threw up on the curb, “Sorry. I didn’t hear you the first time.”

I came up for air. More food already on its way up, “Oh? You didn’t hear me the first time? Well turn up your goddamn hearing ai-,” I stopped as I threw up more food.

“What was that? What were you going to say?” Dean chuckled and pulled my hair back away from my face. “You kind of got cut off in the middle of your sentence there.”

I stopped heaving and looked up at Dean, “Well fuck you. Turn up your fucking hearing aids.”

I stumbled down the street with Dean. To anyone who was walking past us, I just looked very drunk. Dean chuckled and wiped some tears out of my eyes as I did so. My eyes moved over the ground in a drunken state. All of my blood was still settling down. It was almost as if I really was drunk. Dean held me up and helped me out as we sat down on a bench in front of the diner. Police sirens wailed in the distance. I leaned my head against the window with Dean’s arm wrapped around my body and pulled me into him. I smiled and looked up at him. My breath probably smelled horrible and there was probably chunks of food on my shirt but that was about it. Other than that, I hoped I looked okay. 

Sam came up to us after a few moments. He was out of breath from running. James followed close behind him. Both struggled to catch their breath. Their faces were red from running. Cas came up to us a few moments after that. But there was no sign of Samantha. My heart immediately dropped into my stomach. The food I had eaten threatened to spill out of my body. She had been in the crowd when the panic started, standing there with one leg. The worst thought came to mind: she had probably been trampled to death. I gripped Dean’s hand and squeezed it. 

My eyes filled with tears as I looked at the dispersing crowd around us, “Did anyone see Samantha? Is she okay?”

“No.” Everyone said in complete unison, confirming my fears. No one had seen her and she was probably dead. 

“Don’t worry about me, I may be on one leg but I knew not to completely panic,” Samantha hobbled up to us, using a crutch to support herself. “Grabbed this on the way out but to be honest, I knew it was one of you guys who fired the shot. I heard Noah’s cries for help over the walkie-talkie. I couldn’t come help but I knew James or Dean would come up to you and help.”

“Took the idiots two tries to even get up to me,” I rolled my eyes, sitting up. “Had to yell at them or where you guys not even listening to me?”

Sam, Cas and James shook their heads but Dean nodded. Samantha and I exchanged a look. If Sam, Cas and James didn’t hear me that meant that Elizabeth might actually be interfering with radio signals. Everyone else seemed a little confused by that fact but I just stood, not wanting to explain everything here. Or at least this newest revolution. I kept my head down as the rest of them followed me back towards a place a little more private. 

“First of all, we’re going to probably be caught in the act if someone actually remembers us and if the police interview anyone who was there which is most likely to happen. Second off, Elizabeth might have cut off the communication between us. She wants the both of us together somehow, Dean and I. Why? I have no idea but I don’t even want to try and understand what is going inside that demented mind of hers.”

“And you put that all together because we couldn’t hear your cries for help over the noise of the band and the crowd?”

Dean, Samantha and I all exchanged a knowing look, “It’s kind of easy to hear once you realize that someone might not be screaming ‘help, help me’ over and over, you know?” 

The conversation died out there as I started checking the locks of all of the buildings, hoping to get into one of the places for the night. Dean started checking the locks with me. I had never learned to pick locks. Sam, Dean and Cas knew but never found the energy to help me out with a kind of fun, and sometimes necessary skill. I kept my hands down at my side. Dean found an abandoned apartment building and jumped through one of the windows, reaching out towards us. I smiled and took his hand and pulled myself in. 

We started setting up beds for the night. Dean smiled at me over his shoulder. Samantha and I scavenged around for food but came up with nothing. So we’d have to make sure that we ate in the morning. James settled down for the night then Cas did as well. Soon, all that was left were the Winchester brothers and I. Sam sat going through my binder trying to figure out what happened to Dickie since we never actually got to see him.

After awhile I stood up to go explore the different places in the building. The top of the building was completely open as the roof had caved in. But there were some cleaner pieces of the roof, like one an old armchair. I walked over to the room and smiled at the stars above me. I tried to connect all of the constellations and see if I could make any new ones.

“How many have you made so far?” Dean’s voice snapped me out of my child-like dream state. 

“Not many, one or two so far. Want to make any more with me?” I tilted my head back and looked at Dean. He walked over and sat down on the floor next to me, waving me down to the floor with him. 

I stood up from my seat, sitting down on the floor with him and we looked up at the stars. His hand slipped into mine as I looked at him. A soft smile pulled at the corners of his lips, his thumb running over my knuckles. I smiled lightly as I kept my eyes on his before I turned back to the stars above us. They were so much brighter than I had ever seen them in the city. It was a beautiful sight to see, the sight of them making me smile. 

Dean and I sat there for awhile as we looked up at the stars for awhile, yawning lightly as I leaned my head on his shoulder. Our entire existence paused for a moment around us. It was a little bit cold but with Dean I felt like I could never get could. Dean placed a hand on my shoulder as I looked up at him. 

“It’s so pretty outside,” Dean whispered as he looked at me then back up at the sky. “I forgot how good it feels to look at the stars.”

“Yeah, but not when someone is going to get hurt tomorrow…or the next day. What day even is it?”

“I don’t know. I guess we will know in the morning and we can check a newspaper.” 

I nodded, looking back up at the stars. Dean placed a kiss on my cheek and pulled me closer. We sat there for a few hours, the sun beginning to come up. The sky was becoming paler and paler before our eyes. I rubbed my eyes tiredly. Dean picked me up, tossed me over his shoulder and brought me down to one of the bedrooms. He laid me down and sat at the edge of the bed. 

“Why don’t you get some sleep, Noah,” Dean placed his hand on my leg and rubbed it up and down. “I don’t want you passing out on us.”

I sat up in my bed, rubbing my eyes once more, “I’m fine Dean. Just fatigued.” 

“But you’re always fat-,” I shot Dean a look that shut him up quicker than Sam could ever do. “Sorry about that.” 

I stood up, crossing over to the bathroom and washed my face. Dean sighed and the creaking of the wood floor told me that he was coming into the bathroom with me. I stood and turned to face him, drying my face on my shirt. Dean leaned against the doorframe, his arms crossed and his eyes pointed down to the floor. I followed his eyes down to the spot on the floor, the same mark that had appeared on the members on our floor. Our eyes locked. The damage had been done. We snapped into action and tried to get away from the mark, locking the door behind us and stomping down the stairs. 

“We’ve got to get out of here,” I called down to the rest of them. “She’s been here.”

I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder. Dean went around banging one the doors of the others who were sleeping. Sam snapped up from his reading and grabbed his own bag. He was ready in a few seconds. James and Samantha stumbled down the stairs with Dean and Cas right behind them. Dean looked at the two of us before turning to Cas. Cas walked up to me and wrapped an arm around me. I shifted my eyes down to the floor, shifting on my feet. I kept my eyes on the ground as Cas pulled me closer to him. 

“Alright, keep moving. We need to get out of here, I’ll explain much later.” 

Dean lead us all out of the house and into the streets. The flashing blue and red lights of police cars were going off in the distance. A deep sigh left my mouth as I slinked into the alleyways and backstreets. My body stiffened as I kept walking down the streets. The police sirens in the distance still making me anxious. It would be hard to sleep tonight. The constant stress of knowing that we might get caught. Dean might go to jail for this. We kept walking until we found another abandoned building about three or four blocks away. 

“Okay, let’s hope this one isn’t inhabited by Elizabeth,” I looked at Dean as I pushed open the door.

Dean walked into the house before me. He checked out the floor levels before coming down the main staircases. Dean waved us in and wrapped an arm around his around my waist as he ushered me into the kitchen. Sam immediately walked up into the stairs and into one of the rooms. James did the same. Samantha walked into one of the kitchen, digging through all of the cabinets and pantry. 

“We’ve got some food. Recently ditched from what I can see,” Samantha peaked her head around the doorframe and smiled. “I can make something for you guys if you’re hungry.”

My stomach grumbled as I nodded. Samantha smiled, going back into the kitchen. Dean sat down at the table and made grabby hands at me. My face twitched momentarily as I took off my bag and slid it across the table to him. A sigh left Dean’s mouth as he opened up the book and kept flipping from page to page. That’s when I turned on my heel and walked out of the house. I kept my eyes down as I went up to the second floor to wash up a little bit more. 

I tested the water in the show I the bathroom to my left which seemed to almost perfectly work. The water was still cold no matter what I did but that would have to be a consequence of living from house to house and apartment building to apartment building. But it was enough for me to take a shower. I stripped from my clothes, taking a look into the mirror to inspect myself. 

Bruises filled my chest making breathing a lot harder. Blood was caked on my shirt and pants. My eyes drifted up to the different cuts that also riddled my neck. I didn’t remember getting these bruises at all and yet they were there, prominently displayed on my body. The cuts were still bleeding and needed to be washed before I could go about the rest of my day. I stepped into the shower, grabbing a comb and some shower gel.

The cuts stung as I washed over my body. A soft hiss left my mouth as I stood underneath the weak water. I kept my eyes down on the blood going into the drain. The focus on it going down the only thing that kept me from the stinging sensation coming from my chest. My hands stopped almost going against my better judgement. I almost had to force myself to keep going. My breathing stunted in my breath as I finished washing my cuts and stepped out of the shower. 

I used the other set of clothes I had packed to dry myself off, tossing my hair into a bun. It was thicker than ever as it hadn’t been combed in about a month or two and was being to dread up but I had no way to even begin to detangle it so it would have to be left until we got back and by then I might have full grown dreads but if anything, I could always wet my hair then use my comb to go through the dreads that had begun to form at the back of my neck. I was already too tired to do it today. 

The thumping of someone knocking on the door turned my attention from my hair to the person at the door, “What’s taking so long in there?”

“Sorry, I got distracted,” I turned away from the mirror and opened up the door. Which probably wasn’t the best idea since I came face to face with Sam…and I was as naked as the day I was born. “Oh sweet lord Jesus.”

“I could say the same,” Sam’s eyes dragged over my body slower than what I would have liked, quickly tossing me a towel he was holding in his hands and I covered my…junk. “Uhhh…I don’t know…this is…”

“Confusing, I know. Dude with a vagina, tried to Gide it for as long as I could. Which reminds me,” I closed the door in his face, digging around in my bag for my testosterone gel, rubbing it into my arm and getting on some pants before opening up the door. “There we go. So, what do you want?”

Sam awkwardly shifted on his feet as he looked me over once again, “Food’s ready in the kitchen if you want it.”

I walked down the hall then the stairs towards the kitchen which smelled delicious. The scent carried me to Samantha where she stood in the middle of the kitchen, leaning up against her crutch and smiling. My eyes drifted to the woman in the middle of the kitchen. A feast of food was behind her. I helped myself to a plate of food and sat down at the table. Dean stared at me, his cheeks already as stuffed as a chipmunk before the oncoming winter storm. The fork dropped out of his hand. 

“Did you forget a towel or something?” 

Dean’s eyes dragged over me, my chest still slightly wet from my shower. I nodded as I set my plate down, chowing down on the food. 

“Anyone want to help me with my hair,” My face was still stuffed with hair. “Or do I have to wait until I get home.”

“Wait until you get home, we don’t have time for this,” Sam sat down at the table. “Unless you want to spend an hour just trying to even get one tangle out of your hair.”

Dean finished his bite of food, “Sam’s right, just let it start to dread up or whatever is going on in the back of your head.”

I reached a hand back and touched the bits of hair at the back of my neck. It was a bit dry in the back but nothing too unmanageable. I kept my eyes down as I began eating the food in front of me. The air around us began to grow heavy. The scraping of forks and knives against the plates was the only sound that filled the air. Samantha pulled the plates away from all of us and cleaned up the dishes. My eyes dragged over to her as she moved expertly around the kitchen. Dean and Sam went up to the bedrooms in a few moments later. Cas went up a few moments later, mumbling something about being tired. Once Samantha was completely done with the dishes, she ushered the remainder of us, which was just James and I, all up to the bedrooms. 

“You two get to bed, we’ve got a long day ahead of us tomorrow,” Samantha closed the door behind James and walked back downstairs. 

I almost wanted to join her, my body lurching forward just an inch. Everyone else was asleep or just hanging out because I didn’t believe that Cas really didn’t go to sleep. I walked into the bedroom that I was to share with Dean, sitting on the edge of the bed. Dean rolled over in his sleep and moved towards me, opening up his eyes to look at me. 

“Come to bed with me. Come sleep with me,” Dean opened his mouth in a vague attempt at a yawn.

“I’m not tired just yet Dean. Let me stay up a bit more.” 

This obviously wasn’t a good enough answer. Dean grabbed my waist and pulled me down to him. A smile on his face as he pulled me closer. I shook my head as I let him pull me closer into him. I smiled at him and looked at him, turning over to him. He kissed my neck sleepily, falling asleep once more. A smile on his face as he looked at me once more before going back to sleep. I waited until he was fully asleep until I stood up again. I walked out of the room, going to the outside of James’ rooms, grunts and groans coming out of his room. I opened the door slowly as not to disturb the soft sleeping of James, if he even was going to sleep.

James rolled over, eyes still closed and tightened. His wings were outstretched, tips brushing the tops of the wall before coming down in a rush of wind. I shielded my eyes against the cloud of dust that was kicked up in response. A whimper left James’ mouth. I walked over to him, placing a hand on his shoulder and rocked him gently awake. His soft eyes opened up, looking up at me. 

“James, I think you were having a nightmare,” I whispered as to not wake the others up.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” James rolled back over, showing off his back. It was full of scars as if he had tried to cut off his wings. 

“James…I thought you said you didn’t know you had wings,” I reached out towards his back.

“I lied, okay? I always knew I had wings and I wanted them gone,” James rolled back to face me. “I don’t want to be an angel, never have and never will. Wanted to off myself so I jumped out of heaven and showed up where you found me.”

“Why didn’t you tell us that straight out of the gate? You could have told us. We would have kept you safe.” 

“I don’t think you could have kept us safe. You have Cas wrapped around your little finger. You basically have him enslaved.”

“He can leave whenever he wants to and he knows we won’t hate him for it. He’s like a fucking stray cat our whatever. Can leave whenever the fuck he wants.”

“Of course, but you still are keeping him here for your own purposes,” I felt one of my own eyebrows raise, my mouth opening in a movement about to speak. “I mean, you are the one who actually dragged him into this mess.”

“I guess I did but that was only because we desperately needed him because I desperately needed him.” 

James nodded and went quiet, a soft sigh leaving his mouth. I looked at James, resting a hand on his back, the scars raised a little bit on his skin. I kept my eyes on them as I kept my eyes on the scars as I stood up. My eyes trailed over him. James turned over, his wings were stuffed under his back in what looked like a very uncomfortable position. James groaned as he pushed himself into another position. 

“You okay James,” He looked up at me as he laid on his side, his eyes full of sorrow. “Look kind of uncomfortable.”

“Yeah, but I have to sleep,” James looked at me. “I mean, do I have to fall asleep?”

“Not from any angel I know. But maybe you are a lower form of angel you actually need it.”

James nodded and looked down as he adjusted his position once again. His eyes closed, looking me over. I smiled at him happily as his body finally fell softly. I turned out, walking back to the room and laying down next to Dean. Dean moved, holding me close as he wrapped an arm around my waist. He groaned something about me being late or something. Dean and I were completely tired, my body falling limp in his. 

~

I shambled out of the room and rubbed my eyes as I walked down the stairs. Dean followed me snd put on some of the clothes that had been stored in the house. He smiled at me as he pulled on a leather jacket much like the one he had worn around me and the one I recently had given back to him. I smiled at him as I looked down at my own hands before moving forward and out the door. Dean followed me out of the house.

“Where did you say we were going?” I jutted my hands into my pockets snf looked at the man next to me. 

“Downtown again, to one of these,” Dean pointed around. “In one of these fucking apartments.” 

“Of course, now we just have to find the one fill of drugs.” I rolled my eyes as I took a breath. 

Dean and I walked down the street, my body bumping into him every so often. He smiled lightly as I did so as we kept peaking into the buildings. We kept going and stopped every so often to try and find another place to go into.

“Fuck, I swear we checked every building in this place,” I looked around and tried to see if I was missing anything. “Are we sure we’re looking in the right place?”

“I am pretty goddamn sure, unless you want to ask the nerds back home about where we should get some drugs, more specifically the same drugs Dickie Pride is dosing down right now?” 

“I mean, it couldn’t hurt us,” I looked at Dean and shrugged. “They probably do know where the drugs are. Maybe Cas or someone probably knows a better place.” 

“You really think one of them know a better place to find drugs,” Dean cocked his head to the side. “Do you know who you’re talking about?” 

I looked down at my hands and sighed, “I mean yeah but they might actually know something.”

Dean shrugged and began to walk down the street with me. I shrugged as well and leaned into him. Dean smiled at me as I just allowed my own body to rest in his. We walked down the streets and all the way home. We kept our pace as we moved almost as one. I swung open the door, sighing as Dean walked in as well. 

“We need a little bit of help,” Dean sighed and turned to me, gesturing me over. “Because this one thought we could-”

“Don’t fucking say that I am the one who wanted to ask for help. This was all your idea, Dean.” 

Dean sighed, “Okay, okay, maybe this was my idea and not Noah’s but it’s the same idea. We need help finding the little asshole who seems to be escaping us right now.” 

“And you thought coming to us would be the best course of action?” Sam crossed his arms. 

I slapped Dean in the arm, “Look at you, I told you this was a bad idea.” 

“Hey! That hurt,” Dean pouted. “And I did think it was a good idea, fresh set of eyes.”

I shook my head, mumbling as I turned around and walked out of the door once more, “Fucking idiot.”

“Hey! I’m not an idiot,” I smiled to myself as I kept my hands in my pockets. 

Dean finally caught up to me, footsteps still following the two of us at an alarming rate but since Dean showed no sign of worry I didn’t either. I kept my head straight as the footsteps stopped on my bad side. Shivers went down my spine. But Dean’s face was calm and collected while my entire body struggled not to shake. My body almost started to shake but I kept my body still in hopes that it was someone I just knew who hadn’t spoken just yet. 

“Where are you guys headed?” The voice was smooth and kind, not a voice I had ever heard of before. I kept my eyes forward as to not scare the man out of his wits as I had forgotten to put the patch on this morning.

“Nowhere in particular, my dude, where are you headed?” Dean was calm and collected, my body calming down for a moment with Dean’s calmness. 

“Want to come get some food? I was going to go to eat then to a party later. I mean, if you want to join me.”

“Of course we want to join you,” Dean tapped me in the shoulder snapping me out of my trance. “That would be awesome.”

I turned to the man who was next to us, coming face to face with the man that we had tried to hunt down last night. I smiled and if I could give a sigh of relief, I would. The man jumped at the sight of me, my own body used to the jumping of others and barely reacted. But I moved down the street much like I had been. Dean touched my arm and smiled at me. I looked at him and smiled lightly, moving with him down the street. 

“So…what happened last night? The whole gunshot thing,” Dickie asked as he ushered us into a diner. “I mean, if you were there.”

“Some gunshots, but that’s about it. Everyone scattered after the first few.”

Dean shot me a look, hitting my forearm, “I wasn’t there so I wouldn’t know. But Noah here did go and I guess that’s what happened.”

“Because it was what happened. Where were you that night? Shouldn’t you have been at the venue?”

“I was…uhhh…doing the something a lot more important,” Dickie slid into a booth and looked over a menu. 

Dean and I exchanged a look then moved into the booth with him. I looked down at the menu as well. Dean wrapped an arm around me and looked over my shoulder to look at the same menu together. I took a deep breath and let it all out as I leaned into Dean. He took the same deep breath. 

“So what made you stop the two of us,” I looked over the menu at the man across from us. “I mean, we were just walking and you just…I don’t know, just stopped us.”

“I mean, you two looked interesting so I stopped the two of you, you know?” 

A beat passed with a look exchanged between Dean and I before I answered, “I guess so.”

I didn’t want to move the conversation even further. We would just have to watch him die tonight and there was nothing I could do about it. I could ask him about his life and upbringing and yet I couldn’t bring myself to. I would have loved to hear about his life and dig into his brain. But again, I would have to watch him die later so knowing that he would die only made me not want to get to know him as much as my own heart yearned to do so. Dickie smiled at me as he put down the menu. 

Dickie tilted his head to the side, “You two are really weird. Aren’t from around here, are you?”

“No, we aren’t,” Dean shot me a look. “We’re from Ohio. Just came out here on a vacation.”

“A vacation, huh? Hard to find people going on those these kinds of days, especially men. So many of you fit young men have gone off to war. Why haven’t you gone?”

“Pre-existing condition. Dean here is my caregiver. If he left, no one would be able to care for me.” My body tensed and hoped the lie would make sense in Dickie’s mind. He nodded and turned back to the menu. 

“Sounds a bit suspect. Sure you’re not dodging the draft. Your little ‘vacation’ could mean you’re dodging some legal trouble in Ohio.”

“Do you wanna see me walk, Dick? I can’t walk normally let alone run or be on it for long periods of times.”

Dickie shook his head and kept his eyes on the menu in front of him, “So, you’re not dodging the draft…okay?” 

“Yeah, we’re not. He’s my caregiver and I am the one who needs to be cared for, yeah?”

Dickie nodded, setting the menu down and looking us over. His hands were folded in front of him. Dean wrapped an arm around me and brought me back a few inches. I hadn’t noticed that I was leaning forward. A soft chuckle left my mouth as I leaned into him. Dickie tilted his head to the side before I straightened back up. My eyes dropped to the ground as I shifted out of Dean’s grip. 

“More than a caregiver I would assume,” Dickie smiled a bit as he leaned back. “Too bad there are people who would want you two dead.”

“We know, we know. But it’s better to be in love while we can then unhappy and dead.”

“Good on you two, but if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.” 

Dickie stood up and walked into the back of the restaurant. Dean waved with me as my leg bounced. I kept my eyes down as I tried to keep myself calm. Dickie was going to die and I knew exactly how. He was going to die via overdose. I didn’t want to wait it out, shooting out of the booth towards the back. Dean didn’t even actually try and stop me. I just walked into the back, my pace quick. As I walked back, the air around me got cold. Goosebumps fell over my body as I looked around. Everything around me was black and the restaurant was gone. 

“H-hello?” I called out into the dead space around me. My voice bounced off of the darkness. “W-who’s in here with me?”

A shadow much darker than the darkness around me walked into the room, “Hello Noah Winchester.”

“I am no Winchester,” The shadow moved around me in a smoke-like manner, making me spin around the darkness and making me dizzy. 

“But you are…or you will be,” The shadow’s mouth was filled with fire much like the stuff I saw in Hell.

“The Winchesters take no wives, only lovers,” I gripped my throat in hopes to stop the words falling out of my mouth. The words weren’t mine but the idea was the same. 

“That doesn’t mean that they won’t take husbands,” The shadow paused its spinning and floated near me. “And you are the perfect husband for Dean.”

“He will never take me as a husband, all he knows are lovers,” The shadow demon tilted what looked like his head. “He will never love anyone that much to actually marry.”

“And what makes you think that you will marry Dean Winchester. I didn’t say anything about him.”

“Then what you are saying is that I will marry Sam. He is still in love with Jessica, no matter how hard we try.”

“There is a fourth one who will take up the Winchester name in time. An orphan of my father and taken in by the Winchesters.” 

“There is no one like that, no one will take up the Winchester name, not even me.”

“But you will, it is written in your destiny. Just like Sam being the mark for Lucifer and Dean with Micheal. There is nothing you can do to stop it and only trying will bring destruction.” 

I stood my ground, keeping my back straight and my eyes towards the figure, “There will be no more Winchesters. The Winchesters are Adam, Dean, Sam, Mary and John. The line will die with Dean and Sam.”

“It will die with your children,” The shadow lifted a hand grey smoke coming out. 

The demon offered up his hand, extending the smoke towards me. My body moved back as I tried to keep away from the shadow that was enticing me to look into the smoke. He opened his other his hand, tentacles extending from his fingertips and palms. The shadow demon’s tentacles wrapped around my body and pulled me closer. I peered into the smoke almost against all of my muscles telling me not to. From there, my soul was almost sucked into the grey smoke around me. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, rolling into an almost sleep like state before my head snapped back up against my better judgement, my eyes snapping open. 

~

The air around me was warm, the warmest I had ever felt the air in my life. The sun shown down in a sepia tone. My eyes darted around me and tried to take in what was around me. The street was quiet, the trees rustling above me and the dirt road crunched underneath my feet. I turned to either side of me, trees and fields were bare, rustling in the wind. A house was at the end of the driveway. The air around me was calm for a moment as I walked up to it. The distance between the house and I closing with every step I took. The crunching of the rocks under my feet were all I heard for the first few hundred or so feet. Then, the sound of children giggling. My eyes widened as I stepped to one of the windows. 

I took a look inside of one of the open windows. Three kids ran around what looked like a dining room. Sam, who looked a lot older with wrinkles around his eyes and mouth, sat at the head of the table. Dean, who sported similar wrinkles, sat at the other head. Cas looked as normal as if he hadn’t aged a day. The three kids ran through the dining room again, smiling and laughing all the way. The oldest looked no more than five. The other two looked like they were about three. James walked into the room, looking just the same as he had the day I had met him. A Greek sculpture come to life. Then, I walked into the room. An older version of me, of course, but definitely me nonetheless who looked a lot more like Dean did right now.

James wrapped his arm around my shoulders, a ring flashing in the light. I tilted my own head to the other side. James smiled as he placed a kiss on my own cheek. My cheek. That was my cheek. James touched my waist, my older self kissing him back on the cheek. I shook my head and backed away from the window. A hand was on my chest to steady the fast beating heart that dared to crack a rib or two. I turned back to the window and looked inside. 

A blast of air knocked me back onto my ass, the windows shattering and wood coming through the windows. The glass cut into my arm and I shielded my eyes from the smaller pieces of glass that were flying at my eyes. My back slammed into the ground, my bones cracking as the wind was knocked out of my lungs. I stood up as fast as I could and rushed towards the window once again. The five older of versions of myself and my crew had already jumped into action and begun to fight the faceless figure that had come in. Four human-like figures also fought with the faceless figure. 

James was already on the ground, bleeding from a wound in his head and his eyes blank. Dead on impact. Cas was bleeding out from his side. Dean and Sam were fighting vehemently alongside myself. But I knew we were no match. My older self turned back and caught my eyes. They ran over to the children and picked them up in one fowl swoop and tossed them out of the window towards me. First the eldest, whom I caught and set down, her body clinging to my leg. Then the first of the two twins, the male, and then the other. I rested the two on my hips. 

“We’re not going to win,” My older self turned back to the figure then back to me. “Take the kids and run. I don’t care where or when you are taking them but I want them safe.”

“I can’t take them. I think you know where I am coming from. These kids will not be safe with me.”

“They are safer with a younger version of myself than they ever will here,” A tear fell out of my eye and all I wanted to do was move but the children kept me planted in place.

“They can’t be,” I turned to the children. “You know where I come from and when I come from.”

“Promise me,” My voice was stern like I was scolding a child. “Promise me you will keep them as safe as you can.”

“Please,” I begged. “Don’t do this to me. I can’t keep them. You know I can’t keep them. They are not safe on this miss-”

“Promise me,” My older voice was a lot more stern now and my eyes were hardened. 

“I promi-”

A splatter of blood hit my face, a tentacle reaching out of my own stomach. A screech left the children’s mouths as I lifted the older kid up from the ground and sprinted off with them. I kept sprinting until we were far away from the house. I didn’t want to turn my head and against all better judgement, I did and looked straight into the eyes of one of the people who had joined the figure. I held the children closer to my chest. My breath was heavy as I dropped the kids to the ground.

“Run,” I pulled out the angel blade and turned to the figure. “I’ll be right behind you.” 

I took a deep breath and hit the figure in the face, his eyes locking with mine as he came up. Blood seeped out of the bandanna he wore around the lower portion of his face. I held the knife at my side as I took another punch at the man’s face. His hands were in his pockets as he looked at me, one pulling up under the bandanna to wipe away some blood. I kicked him in the side and knocked him down to his side, pulling him onto his back and straddling his waist as I lifted the blade above my head and brought it down into his heart. His body twitched for a few moments and then went lifeless.

I picked myself up and ran after the children, catching up to them and scooping up the twins once again. I kept running for what seemed like hours with no way of knowing where I was going. Then, I was in darkness and then my body slammed into the ceramic tiles of the restaurant. 

~

Dean rushed to my side and picked me up, leaning my head on his chest. The children began screaming, my hands and arm immediately going over their mouths. Dean shot a look at me. I shrugged, pulling myself and the children off of the ground. Dickie stumbled back into the hallway via the backdoor, eyes on the ground. I took the children up and towards the booth. Dean opened up his mouth to speak but no words came out of his mouth. Once the children were in the booth, I turned back to Dean and led him to one of the empty spaces. 

Dean crossed his arms in front of his chest, “Who are those kids? Where did they come from? Where are were you?” 

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” I whispered as I looked over at the children who were now joined by Dickie. 

“I think we’ve both seen things that might lead to us being killed so try me.” 

I turned to the kids one last time and took a breath, “Dean, those are my kids…or at least I think they’re my kids and my older self made me promise to keep the children safe.” 

Dean looked at me then at the kids then back at me, “They’re your what?”

“My children. I think they’re my children and I was told to keep them safe.”

“I don’t follow. How can they be your kids when you’re…” Dean gestured to my body. “You know.”

“I don’t know, Dean but I have to take care of them now,” I whispered as I looked over the children. “We have to now and I don’t know what to do.”

“Who do you think is the father,” Dean turned his head to the children, shaking his head lightly as if he were in disbelief. 

“I think James. The demon I met who sent me there said there would be a fourth Winchester. Not Adam, not you and not Sam. James was wearing a wedding band.” 

Dean touched my arm and led me back to the booth. I sat in my place, looking at the three children who were eating mouthfuls of food. It was as if they haven’t eaten in forever. A smile was on the twin’s faces as they munched on some fries. The eldest helped the younger two without being prompted all that much. Dean smiled as he looked at Dickie, folding his hands in front of him. Dickie tickled the children as they ate, their laughter filling the air. 

“These kids yours or did you pick them up off the street?” Dickie smiled at Dean, looking at him. 

Dean and I exchanged a look before turning back to Dickie and speaking in unison, “Complicated.”

“Complicated? How complicated are we talking,” Dickie folded his hands in front of him and smiled. “I don’t think it can be that complicated.”

“I hate to be all cliché and stuff but if we told you we might have to kill you.” 

I chuckled as I adjusted my seat to sit one of the twins on my lap. I would love to ask for their names but it wouldn’t be nice for our cover if I did. Dickie leaned his head back, eyes rolling back for a moment before his head snapped back into position. He smiled at me, looking me over then looking at the children who smiled at the man. It was as if they had been here before and had known about this the entire time. 

Dickie chuckled, “Well, I guess you might have to kill me because I want to know.” 

Dean and I exchanged a look. The last time we had told someone about our little situation they had died. Granted they were also a hunter and they knew all about it. But we were stuck between a rock and a hard place with this one. We would be telling a normal person our little secret. Which was never good for anyone. If we were going to tell him, we defiantly would have to watch over him until he died. I mean, we already were going to do that but we would be the only ones who were going to have to watch him with three children in the way now. 

“We’ll tell you when we’re somewhere safer. We cant tell you what you want to know until after we get away from the ears of others.”

“So you guys are like the FBI or something?” He asked as a waitress walked over to the check.

The two of us fell silent. The three children also fell silent as well, as if they had done this before. I don’t know why we raised these kids like this. Why I had raised the children like this. Dickie raised an eyebrow at the children. It was odd. I have never known a child that wasn’t loud and annoying and yet the children were completely silent and well-behaved. The waitress set down the check before walking away. 

“We will be talking about this later, children,” I looked at the children and pointed at them. “This is not how children behave.” 

~

Dean and I sat at the head of the table, looking at the three children who sat at the other end of the table. Dickie was on the couch, completely out of his mind on whatever drug Sam had given him to make him calm down. The children were completely silent and weren’t letting up on. They were completely silent, just like they had been in the restaurant. My eyes darted to the two younger children. 

“Look, your dad gave you to me because I am your dad. A younger version of your dad.”

“We know, but we still aren’t supposed to say anything when we’re with strangers,” The eldest lifted her chin to Dickie. 

“We told him everything, he knows all about the hunter lifestyle. He knows that we are all hunting monsters.”

“Yes, and he had a complete mental breakdown. Did you really think that was the best idea?”

“You’re smart but it was the best course of action. What would you do if you didn’t have three children before then suddenly had three children, huh?” 

“Say that you’re a social worker who had to suddenly take on three children. Easy.”

I rubbed my temples, “Look child…I don’t even know your names. What did I name you?” 

The eldest spoke up first, “My name is Mary. The twins names are John and Jessica.”

I almost threw up in my mouth, “You mean to tell me that I named one of my children after one of the more abusive parents I have seen in a while?”

The eldest child, Mary, shrugged, “It was Dean’s idea. Don’t ask me about it.”

I sighed as I looked over at Samantha. She set some food down in front of the children. They began to eat. My eyes drifted over to Dean. He stood up from his seat and dragged me into the hallway. My eyes were on his as he basically shook me. His eyes were locked on mine.

Dean’s eyes were locked onto mine, “Those kids are yours but who is the father?” 

“I’m assuming James. He was wearing a ring in the vision I had. But why would you want to name one of the children. Especially after all that he did to you.”

“He wasn’t the best father but he was still my father. It’s very clear that I wanted another John Winchester in the family.” 

“Obviously, but you weren’t the father. Not that I now of. It’s all very confusing.” 

“Noah, I love you but if that demon said what you told me it said then we are in deep shit if you try and get out of this.” 

“You act like I don’t know that Dean,” I looked into Dean’s eyes. “I know you aren’t the one I end up with but you clearly might be the one I actually end up with if we actually survived that attack.”

“We have the three children, an angel and a human now. This is too many people to be moving around. I know as much. We can’t keep picking people up with your little savior complex.” 

“I know it’s not ethically good but we can’t just leave a one-legged girl, an angel and three children all alone in the fucking seventies, yeah?”

Dean chuckled, “It sounds like a wacky fucking sitcom if you ask me but promise me you won’t pick up any more people while we’re on the road.” 

“I can summon a hellhound…make sure everyone is nice and safe while we are off hunting.” 

Dean’s face twisted in confusion, “Wait, you’re actually thinking about summoning a what to help do what?”

“A hellhound Dean. Some of the little shits actually like me, made myself leader of the pack while I was down there as bad as it sounds.” 

Sam poked his head into the hallway, smiling nervously, “Guys, we’ve got a bit of a problem.” 

I rushed into the room after Sam, the lifeless body of Dickie slumped on the couch. Dean groaned, hands on his temples as he moved forward. I looked at Dean, placing a hand on his shoulder. I could feel Dean’s disappointment filled the room. My eyes darted to the body. I lifted his legs onto the couch and placed his hands on his chest. 

“And that’s our cue to leave,” I turned to the door and called out. “Everyone pack up, time to go.”


	11. Ten

I set my bag down on the floor of the hotel room and sighed. John, Mary and Jessica were in another room full of protection symbols with Samantha and told not to move an inch until we all got back. James was stationed outside of the door and after a quick briefing on how to check for demons and other creatures, we were off to the downtown area of Sussex, England. It was one of probably the only times I had been out of the country. I think it was the only time I had been out of the country.

“Brian Jones, founder of the Rolling Stones. The official report says he died by misadventure but it is widely believed he had died via drowning. I say he was drowned. Water was found in his lungs and there was no evidence to say that he was forced into taking on water. He died only two years before Jim Morrison died and this was to the day.” 

Dean bounced up and down on his toes like a little kid who had gotten the piece of candy he asked for, “The Stones? We’re going after the Stones? Like the Stones?”

“Yes Dean, the Rolling Stones. Now shut up, we’ve got a bus to catch,” I leaned against the bus poll and smiled at him. 

Dean smirked, chuckling a bit as he took the other side of the pole, “Don’t tell me to shut up Noah.” 

I rolled my eyes and waited for the bus to turn up. Sam anxiously shifted from side to side. My eyes drifted to the other in awaitment of response from them but they had no comment. They sat there silent with their eyes forward. I kept my head down as cars rushed passed me without slowing down much. The sky was grey and threatened to open up. 

“Does anyone actually know how to summon a hellhound,” Sam immediately tossed me a bag, knocking me back a few inches. “Oh, okay. Thanks.”

“Take that to a crossroads and burn it. Everyone else will know what to do.” 

My eyes moved around me, a sigh leaving my mouth as I looked for a crossroads near me. There was a crossroads about a mile from where we were standing. I wanted to go right now but the bus could be here any second. My eyes drifted to the others. Dean nodded in the direction that the crossroads were, “Go. We’ll wait for you.”

“Are you absolutely sure,” I turned and looked at Sam who looked eager to get away from me. “You won’t leave me as soon as I leave?”

“I will make sure these idiots won’t leave you. Go ahead and get your dogs.” 

I nodded and slung my bag over my shoulder and heading off. No one followed me and for once it was welcomed. I was all alone before my thoughts. The road was hot and my feet ached underneath me. My foot felt like it was on fire, one of the only side effects of Hell I still had left. I dropped to my knees, pulling off my shoes and tossing them to the side of the road. I would pick them up later. My foot felt a lot better now that my skin connected to the scorching hot asphalt. 

The crossroads were closer than I thought, sitting down in the middle of it and set down the bag. I pulled out my lighter fluid and a lighter…Dean’s lighter. A sprinkle of lighter fluid and a bit of fire later, the bag was on fire. I closed my eyes, reaching deep down into whatever bit of hell I had left, searching around for my dogs. Not Crowley’s dogs but my dogs. The ones who had helped me out when I was down there trying to escape Hell.

Darkness enveloped me, the smoke and fire completely welcoming to me. My eyes moved around the darkness for a bit while my eyes adjusted to it, “Oh boys, come on. Come to daddy.” 

Barking almost immediately following my call. A soft smile tugging at my lips as I walked around the darkness, looking for them. I couldn’t contain my smile anymore as six red, glowing eyes moved towards me. If it weren’t so dark I knew I would see my boy’s tails wagging. One leaped forward, and landing on my chest, licking my face happily. I smiled happily as the familiar shaggy fur met my fingers. 

I pushed the dog off of my chest and met the other ones, “Come on boys, we got someone to see.”

The darkness went away, the dogs standing next to me in the light. The dogs were taller than me and my head only coming up to my shoulder. They weren’t normal hellhounds by any means. Their power came from the suffering of humans in hell and thus, weren’t as small or as weak as the others who only went off the suffering of a singular human in hell. 

Loki, the biggest and most dangerous dog, bent down and I lifted my body up and over him. His fur were as soft as the day I had met him. I lifted my head, connecting to him almost instantaneously. Loki moved forward, taking me back to the bus stop. Dean stood next to the bus stop, smiling at me. Sam raised an eyebrow. A cocky smile appearing on Cas’ face, one of the only other people who could see the dogs besides demons.

Cas touched both of the brothers shoulders, their jaws hitting the floor, “Hello boys.”

“Those things…they’re fucking-” Dean scrambled for words, Cas dropping his hands from their shoulders. 

“Huge,” Loki bent down and I slipped off of his back. “I know. They feed off of the suffering of humans in hell. Normal hellhounds grow and sort of level up off of only one humans suffering.”

“So those things…” Sam also began to scramble for words in which he could use to describe the hellhounds. “They’re like king hellhounds.”

“And they follow me and only me. If I connect them to you mentally, your commands will be legit commands to them,” I turned to Loki. “Loki, siarad.”

Loki barked, a deep low growl of a bark that shook the ground. Sam stumbled back and looked at me. Loki huffed and laid down on the asphalt. His brother, Thor, licked his face. Thor was a different kind of hellhound. All hellhound eyes glowed red but their eye color was all different. Thor had golden eyes while Loki and Hel both had deep green eyes with Loki having golden flecks in them and Hel having red flecks in them. 

“They only respond to Welsh commands. Their souls of sorts were triplets who were serial killers in Wales.” 

Dean’s face screwed up in confusion and put his hands on his temples, “Hellhounds have souls?” 

“In a way. They’re kind of controlled by one main damned soul, these are my children in a way.” 

Dean looked in the general direction of the hellhounds, no longer being able to see the hellhounds without Cas’ help. Cas’ eyes never left Hel who relaxed with her head on Loki’s back. Loki huffed happily and his warm, moist breath hitting my back. I smiled and placed a hand on his back as I rubbed his fur. Cas walked up to me and placed a hand on my back, turning me away from the others.

“You shouldn’t be able to still see the hellhounds now that you’re out of hell,” Cas’ voice is low, his breath hitting my face. “This isn’t fucking possible.” 

“Well, I guess it is considering I can still see them. It shouldn’t be that hard to understand that.”

“There has to be some way that you can still see the hounds without actively being in hell.”

Cas turned and moved back towards the men, my dogs following me back with Cas. Dean and Sam still had their jaws on the floor. Sam smiled weakly as my own back straightened up. Dean looked at my hands before trailing up my body to meet my own eyes. 

I chuckled as the bus came down the street, the vehicle rumbled the street underneath it, “So, do we still wanna take the bus?”

“Think that might be the best option don’t you think? Kind of weird to be going down the street on three invisible beings.”

“Hel, Loki, Thor,” The wolves stepped up to me, Thor licking my face and covering it up in saliva. “Bach.”

The three wolves grew smaller, coming up to my waist now. Their magic fell, becoming three wolf-dogs with leashes and collars. Dean reached down to pet Hel. Hel growled and snapped at Dean’s hand. Dean pulled back and looked at his hands. Hel stepped back, sitting down on her hindquarters. Her tough hung out of her mouth as she breathed heavily. The bus stopped right in front of us and opened its doors. 

“Sorry boys, no dogs allowed,” The bus driver smiled down at all of us. I almost immediately picked up the leashes and handed them to the brothers. 

“I am so sorry but they are their seeing eye dogs and I want to take these boys downtown for lunch. We don’t have a car and we live about an hours walk away from this bus stop alone.”

The bus driver sighed, “Okay, okay. I guess I can let you on just once but don’t go telling my supervisor that.” 

“Thank you sir,” I guided the men onto the bus, paying their way on, and sat them down in the back of the bus. 

We were the only four people on the bus. It was odd for the fact that It was in the middle of the day. But it was a weekday but it was also the middle of the summer. There should be some school kids on the bus, going somewhere for the day, just like us. The man made the sign of the cross before the engine rumbled a bit more to life and looked in the mirror back at us. The bus lurched forward and began its way back into the city. Dean sat petting the back of Thor, one of the most lovable hellhounds I had ever met. He was more like an actual dog than anything. He loved having his belly scratched and his ears rubbed while Loki and Hel were stone cold killers. They were hardened warriors for hell. Hel and Loki were more like twins and had Thor as their dopey little brother. They always seemed to have an annoyed little look on their faces when they were around their brother. 

“You are such a good little boy,” Dean cooed at dog between his legs. “You are the best looking hellhound I have ever seen.”

I pet Hel and looked at Dean. Dean smiled and attempted to pet the dog again but she growled at Dean once more. Hel shifted on her feet. Dean sat back, “She hates me.”

“She hates most people except for me,” I smiled down at the dog before looking back up at Dean. “But she might warm up to you if you give her some treats.”

“What do hellhounds even eat,” Dean turned to me, smiling. “I mean, they have to eat something.”

“Human flesh,” I deadpanned as I turned to look at Loki who was leaning his head against my shin. 

“Oh, okay,” Dean turned his attention back to the window and leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes. 

It was about a fifteen minute ride into the city. Dean, Sam and Cas walked off of the bus, the dogs leading the way. I waited at the back for a moment, picking up my own bag and heading out after them, “Thank you.”

“No problem,” The bus driver smiled at me as he closed the doors behind me. 

I turned to the three men and their dogs, taking the leashes from them. Dean groaned, “Can I have him for the day. He’s already been such a good boy.”

A sigh left my mouth as I reluctantly handed the leashes back to them. I set the bag on the ground and began to rummage through it all. I pulled the binder out and set it on my legs as I flipped through it. Dean, Sam and Cas all sat down as well, waiting on the curb as they watched me skip through the pages in an attempt to find the address I needed to find Brian. 

“Come on man, where the fuck do I find you,” I mumbled to myself as I flipped passed the pages.

The area around us was eerily nice for England in the summer. I expected rain and clouds but the sun was out and shining. I leaned back, taking in a bit of the sun. Dean wrapped his arm around me, snapping me back to reality as I looked down at the papers in my lap. I kept searching for a bit in an attempt to try to find the small piece of paper I had shoved into the binder.

“I can’t find it. I can’t find the one paper I need to find this asshole,” I dug into the bag in search for the paper. “I knew I shouldn’t have moved this damn binder.”

“So we start from scratch then? Wander the city in hopes that we find them.”

“I guess unless we find one of these goddamn papers,” I looked in the bottom and pulled out a piece of paper and unfolded it finding the address I needed. “Ah-ha, I found it.”

“Isn’t that on the other side of town or am I actually going blind,” Dean looked down at the paper with me. “Because that looks like it's on the other side of town.”

I pulled out a map I had that had come from the years of research I had done, got it from one of the member’s family members and somehow ended up in my own hands, and looked at it, “Yeah, beach at the other side of town but we’re already halfway there. We should walk through downtown with the dogs then I will make them grow and we can ride them to the beach.”

Dean nodded, groaning as he stood up and reached out a hand to me, “Sounds like a plan.”

I grabbed his hand and stood up with his help. Sam and Cas followed, Hel snapping at Cas’ trenchcoat. I touched her nose and stopped her, her demeanor going from cold to a little bit less stiff and awkward. We walked off and down the sidewalk. The few people who were out and about moved to the other side of the street as soon as they saw us. The feeling made me a little bit happy, more confident almost. Even if I wasn’t physically walking one of my own hounds, it was as if I was. They were all my children and they were striking fear into the hearts of other people.

“Holy shit,” Dean smiled down at Thor who was walking like a golden retriever. “These hounds are amazing. They are amazing for hellhounds and no one is messing with us now.”

“Dean, don’t get attached. They are going back to where they belong as soon as the mission is over or if those kids die.” 

“Maybe, I might get attached to having these guys around and you might too. They’re good protection.”

“We are not keeping them, Noah, these are hellhounds or have you forgotten that?” 

“Have you forgotten that they are my hellhounds and that they are under my commands. Crowley wished that he could have my hounds.”

Sam stopped in his tracks, his mouth open, “You mean to tell me the king of hell didn’t even have these hounds?”

“Never have and never will now that he’s fucking dead.” My eyes shifted down to the dogs as we kept our ace down the street.

The sun was great for my fatigue as I spent most of my time down in the library of the bunker which lead to my lack of vitamin D and more aches and pains rather than helping me in any sense. So any change to my lifestyle resembling much of that of a vampire was a welcome one. I was enjoying myself more than I should as we kept our pace to the beach. The sidewalks turned into dirt which gave me hope. 

I stopped and turned to the dogs, the three men dropping the leashes, “Mawr.”

The three dogs grew to their full height. Their magic cloaking them once more. Hel snapped at me, drool flashing on her teeth and dropping to the ground. Loki did the same, stepping closer to me with his eyes on me. Thor moving forward with his siblings but making no attempt to snap at me. I smiled at the three as Thor moved down. Loki and Hel followed his lead. Cas moved forward hesitantly, looking at Hel and reached out a hand towards the hound. She sniffed his hands but didn’t growl at him. It was almost as if she noticed the blood running through his veins was the same as the people who had raised her. Cas walked around her and placed his body on her back. Dean and Sam did the same with Thor who gladly accepted them onto his back. I took Loki and sat on his back. 

Once we were all sat on the backs of our hounds, I looked at the others. Dean smiled at me, his brothers hands on his waist. I almost laughed at the sight of it. Cas looked very awkward on the back of Hel who looked very ready to buck the angel off of her. Her body turned to face me. If looks could kill…and if only I could hear her thoughts.

“Symud,” The three wolves wondered off as my fingers dug into Loki’s fur as I tried not to fall off. 

Cas looked like a natural…almost as if he had done this before. His eyes were forward, back straight and hands soft, not digging into Hel’s body. Sam and Dean looked more terrified than anything. Sam’s hands were digging into Dean’s body, his whole body stiff but not like Cas. Cas was stiff in the way that you would see from a warrior. Sam was stiff with fear. Dean was more relaxed than even me. He was a natural sitting on top of Thor. 

The road to the beach was long. I had underestimated how long it took to get there in the hot summer sun. But once we were close enough to the beach, I jumped off of Loki, almost snapping my ankle from the high place. Sam chuckled at my almost fail but I shot him a glare that was enough to shut him up. Hel bent down and Cas slipped off of her, smiling at me. Thor bent down all the same and let the two brothers off of his back.

“Bach,” I spoke to the three dogs, all three of them went down to normal dog size. “Come on guys, let’s go. You did bring your bathing suits, right?”

The brothers stripped to their underwear. Cas shifted uncomfortably, flicking off his shoes before stripping off his clothes. I took off my jacket, pants and shoes but that was it. Dean smiled at me before scanning the beach. My eyes did the same scan before landing on a group of people near a cliff jumping off. I lead the charge over to the group, a smile on my face. 

“Hello, hello boys,” A man called out to us and waved a hand. “Did you bring some beer?”

“Yeah, no. We have no beer but we did bring ourselves,” I called back as I gestured to my friends. “And our dogs.”

“Well, at least you brought yourselves. We’ve got food, someone is going to bring some beer later so don’t sweat it.” 

The four of us walked towards the cliff with my hounds. Dean, Cas and Sam followed along side me with the dogs. My amazing little spies, the men I had met later in life but had told to somehow try and remember my face to pass off to their younger selves if I ever got the chance to meet them in that form, were set on a beach blanket with women. There were others but they were the ones I recognized almost immediately. I winked at one of the men as Brain walked over to me and brought me into a hug, “Hello, you must be one of the Wyse’s.”

“I am but the last name is Winchester now,” I nodded towards Dean and Sam. Brian nodded, letting me go. 

“Good on you lovely, glad you’re happy,” Brian sauntered off towards the others before turning his head over his shoulder. “And I’m glad you can join us today.”

“Wyse,” Cas tilted his head to the side as I took a step forward. “Who’s that?” 

“My family name, one I have tried to divorce myself from and away from my abusive mother…she kept the name after the divorce to keep herself as close to ‘her girls’ as possible. Dropped it as soon as we expressed interest in never speaking to her again.”

“We still try to see Noah’s grandparents as much as possible because they were the nice ones but we don’t get to go up to Toledo much anymore,” Dean interjected. “I miss her applesauce a lot…and that roast she mad was amazing.”

I walked over to the other men, the women making their way over to the cliff to jump off and situated myself on the blanket. Dean looked as if he were about to cream his pants at the sight of young versions of the Stones but when I leaned back to expose the little skin I had out to the sun, the shadow of Dean crossing my vision before he sat down next to me. 

“Welcome back Noah. Still lying out your ass to the other members,” Charlie took a sip of water and leaned back.

“This isn’t a welcome back, Charlie, this is the first time I’ve been here.” 

“Or has it,” Charlie raised an eyebrow towards the others as he took another sip of water. 

“Noah, I thought you wanted us to take on this hunt because you wanted to save this guys,” Den shot a look at me. 

“Doesn’t mean I attempted to save them before,” I sighed as I turned back to Charlie. “Why did you have to say that?”

“Oh, I thought they would have known. I mean, I would have told them that I had tried to save the asses of about seventy people before I took them on a little trip of America.” 

“Oh fuck off Charlie, you don’t know how much time I threw into this before I met you.”

“Of course I do, don’t think I did the same…became a fucking hunter myself because of it, trying to kill the thing that killed my brother.”

“And you didn’t have to do that because you could have taken the coroner’s report like a man and never looked into it.”

“Oh, so when some fifteen year old calls me up after somehow finding my number online and says that the man I loved and cared for died because some supernatural entity made him die? Because that’s such a normal thing to do Noah.”

“And of course you make a whole mess of my investigation by also doing your own investigation.”

“Because I wanted to know what happened to him, wouldn’t you,” Charlie’s eyes were filled with tears. “I knew the drowning didn’t make any sense.”

“Noah, what’s going on with you two,” Dean placed a hand on my shoulder, snapping me back to the people around me.

“Oh, yeah. That,” I whispered almost to myself. “Charlie and I met while I was in the beginning stages of research. Albeit he was a bit older at that time. But we were essentially working on the same case when we did meet. He introduced me to a little old lady who happened to be one of those really nice witches that helped me develop some…skills that might help me save Brain but it didn’t help much considering something was meddling in my field of vision.” 

“Think it was Elizabeth?” Dean turned his attention to the others. “Is there a woman named Elizabeth here?”

Mick spoke up as he sat down on the blanket, “No, not that I know of. Though, I might not be the best person to ask.”

I chuckled as I stripped off my shirt and leaned back to soak in the sun, finally comfortable enough to do so. Charlie broke out into a huge smile as he looked over my body, “Well look at you. Last time I saw you, you had tits. When did that happen?”

“Maybe…four years ago, right before I went off to college. Best decision I ever made.”

“Ah, I love the work your doctor did. Can barely see the scars at all,” Charlie smiled at me. “Took my advice and got the doctor I recommended to you?”

“Yes, and it was worth every penny I saved up, thank you for the recommendation.”

Charlie leaned back as Brian came up from the beach, smiling at me as he sat down on the blanket with us. His smile was completely oblivious to our little party. We all were soaking up the sunlight for a bit. The women eventually came back carrying some beer and bits of food. The men cheered and all got up, making their way to down to the beach and following the women down. I got up and attempted to follow my friends but a hand wrapped around my arm and pulled me back. Dean and I were face to face, his eyes burrowing into mine. 

“You lied to each of us,” Dean looked me over as his grip tightened on my arm. “You lied to me.”

“I didn’t even lie to you. I never lied to you. I said I needed your help but I never said if I actually tried this before. Never tried to save these people before. I mean, you have to had seen Charlie’s face. He loved Brian and when I contacted him before, he was so damn sad and I had to try everything I needed to get Brian back but it was destiny that Brian dies tonight. It has always been his destiny, just like the rest.” 

I tried unsuccessfully to get out of his grip but he never let up on his grip, “I don’t want you to lie to me anymore. No more of this secret life thing.”

“You would be surprised to know how many secrets I have kept from you Dean and you don’t want to know the half of them.” 

“But I do because that’s what loving you means. It means loving you for every part of you, even the bad parts. You’re going to have to tell me but telling me in your own time, okay?” 

“Dean, you really don’t want to know what happened to me and what I’m keeping from you. It was hard enough to tell you about my PTSD. I don’t think I could ever tell you what else I’m hiding from you.”

Dean’s eyes searched mine, “Is it really that bad Noah? Is what you’re hiding really that bad?”

“Yes Dean, it is really that bad and I would love it if you didn’t question me on that.”

I shook out of Dean’s grip and walked away from the man, arms crossed over my chest rubbing the spot where Dean had held me a bit too tightly. I shook my head as I turned back to the man, his shadow the only thing I could see. I couldn’t see his face anymore, so I turned back to the other side and walked down to the sandy beach. Charlie smiled at me as I sat down on the blanket as well. His face was turned towards the sun. It was still light outside but the sun was going to go down soon. The others either sat down, went out to the water or drank some beer. 

“Want some beer?” Charlie extended a can of beer to me, taking a swig of beer he had opened as he looked me over as if waiting for an answer from me. 

“Nah man, I’m good,” I looked around the party, which was growing quite nicely. “Do y’all have any water?”

“Yeah,” Charlie stood and walked over to the cooler, digging through it before tossing me a bottle of water. “Here you go.”

I caught the cold bottle in my hands and nodded as I opened up the bottle, “Thanks.”

Charlie walked back over and sat down on the blanket, “No problem. Life has been treating you well, yeah?”

“Yeah. Sam and Dean took me in about a year or so ago. Dean took me in a while before that actually, remember that ghost incident I told you about,” Charlie nodded. “Yeah, he kept coming back after that actually. Helped me out a lot. Can’t believe I didn’t tell you that. But yeah, Dean and I are kind of…together now…”

Charlie tilted his head to the side, “I mean, if he took care of you…isn’t that kind of creepy and predatory?”

“Not from what I can see, I mean…he was never really in a position of power over me. Not really.”

Dean came down next to me, sitting down and protectively wrapping an arm around me. I shrugged out of his grip, shooting him a glare and taking a sip of my water. Dean looked at me, eyes widened in shock as if he didn’t know what he had done. I dropped my eyes to the ground as I shifted my position a bit. Charlie chuckled at the display. 

“You two really are the couple of the century, aren’t you?”

“If only Noah would come here and let me kiss him on the cheek,” Dean’s voice was softer and not as gruff as it had been. “And take my apology for how I acted earlier.”

“Of course, but he can’t do this kind of thing again,” I shot him a look of anger and he shrunk back. 

“I apologize wholeheartedly for any pain I caused,” Dean smiled lightly. “Now come here and let me kiss you on the cheek.” 

I sighed and leaned my body into Dean’s. Dean smiled down at me, his hands on my chest as he pulled me closer, leaning down to put his lips on my cheek, “Thank you.”

“No problem, I guess,” I took a sip of my water and closed my head. He smiled at me as I shifted my body to fit into his better.

Sam came over and sat down next to me, smiling. My hounds were playing with some of the other people who were here. Cas still looked as awkward as ever. He was standing behind us awkwardly as he smiled at the others who were around him. The smell of seafood wafted over us as someone began cooking the food. I smiled at the men around me in an attempt to keep cool. My eyes hadn’t fallen onto Brian in awhile which made me a little bit uneasy. He had been gone for awhile and his safety was the only thing I cared about right now. 

“Has anyone seen Brian,” My eyes scanned over the others in an attempt to find the man.

The people on the blanket began to search for the man as well, our eyes going all over the beach. I didn’t want to panic anyone but this was what it came down to a panic. I stood up and moved forward, almost tripping on the blanket. We moved in different directions and panned out across the beach, moving to find the man we had lost. I went up to the cliff, thinking it might be the best place to check. It was probably the only place he would be. 

I dropped to my knees at the base of the cliff, coughing a bit as I looked up at the cliff. I looked around as I kept coughing, “Where. Are. You. Little. Shit.” 

Water began pouring out of my mouth as I kept coughing. The water filling my lungs and suffocating me from the inside out. I fell to my side and feeble looked out across the beach, sputtering out more water. My eyes then drifted out to the water, the one place I never wanted to go again. It was the only place I had never wanted to go in any form. I didn’t care if it was a pool or controlled water. I don’t give a shit. So long as my friend was still dead, her six-year-old body still six feet under, I would never go into water ever again. I heaved, finally being able to catch a bit of breath as I looked out at the others who didn’t seem to notice me. 

I took my chance, the only time I might have air while my lungs were filling up full of water, “Dean! Sam!” 

The two brothers rushed towards my voice, Cas following close behind him. I kept coughing, my eyes tearing up as I took on more water. I crawled towards the three in a vain attempt to save myself but I would only keep taking water until we found Brian’s body. Dean wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest. 

“Don’t leave me Noah, you can’t leave me. Not now. Not now,” Dean looked at his brother. “Find Brian, I’ll stay here with Noah and make sure he’s okay.”

Sam nodded and ran into the water, looking behind him once before he dived into the water. Cas did the sam, taking one look over his back before moving forward and diving into the water. My eyes lazily looked out into the water as I leaned into Dean’s chest. My vision was going and the water filled my lungs more than air at this point. Dean’s eyes filled with tears as he held me close, head going into my hair. Sam nor Cas had never come up which only made me very nervous. My eyes moved to Dean then rolled back.

I went into the darkness and allowed myself to take in the water. The soul I had just gotten back was going back to hell. My hounds ran over to me, placing their head on my chest and pushed down on it. I coughed up some water and looked at them. Dean and I were sitting there waiting for Sam to come up. We waited for what seemed like hours before Sam popped up carrying the lifeless body of Brian. The others came over to us, Charlie sighing as he dropped to his knees and looked at me. 

My body lifted up as I threw up whatever water I still had in my lungs. Charlie looked down at me and patted my back. His eyes drifted back up to his friend’s body. Sam set Brian down and didn’t even attempt to save him. We all knew it was useless to even try to save him. We watched him and looked at the man, my eyes going to Dean as I spit out a little bit more water. 

“Fuck me,” My throat and lungs burned with the scratches that no were all over my insides, my voice was terrible and might actually be bad for a few days.

“Gladly,” Dean giggled but stopped when Charlie shot him a look. “Sorry, too soon.”

We looked down at the body and sighed. I didn’t want to move from where I was. I wanted to move from my spot but I couldn’t, my body was too weak now that I was here. My lungs still struggled for air. Sam went down to my eye sight and looked at me. My eyes still scanned the beach, not wanting to move any more.

Charlie looked up at me, “We’ll call the coroners while you get out of town, yeah? Don’t want you here when the cops come. That’s how it works, right? No one wants you here when the cops come.” 

“Thanks for the heads up,” Dean threw me over my shoulder and smiled at Charlie before taking me off of the beach. 

~

“So he almost drowned because Brian was drowning?” Samantha tilted her head to the side and looked at me. 

“Yes,” Sam looked at me. “Think Noah has some sort of psychic connection to the victims.”

“This has only happened twice. There can’t be a correlation right now. I will only believe it when I actually get more deaths connected to me.”

I felt my own heart drop for a moment. I had almost drowned. I had almost died. In the same way my friend had died. If Sam hadn’t found Brian…I would have been dead. I most likely would have died today and I could still die from the residual water. The entire growing was too close to home for me. I was going to die if there were water still in my lungs. 

“But it is enough to be sure that you do have some sort of connection to these guys which is why you are so connected to the case. You were meant to take on the case, you always were meant to take on the case…maybe because you are one of them.”

“I can’t be one of them. I can’t die at twenty-seven. I can’t die in five years.”

“Yeah, he can’t die in five years. He’s only just started living,” Dean protested. “Plus, he saw himself in the future, doesn’t that mean he survives?”

“I don’t know, and I don’t care to know. The police will be on our trail soon enough so I suggest we hightail it out of here before they come, yeah?”


	12. Eleven

I paced around the room with one hand waving in Samantha’s direction as I looked around the room. My chest and throat were still sore from all the water. It was a painful reminder of that day so many years ago. I wanted it gone. The pain was too much for me. Both the mental and the psychical pain. Not to mention the emotional. Sam, Dean and Cas were all working on gathering some supplies. The children were watching some demented children’s show that I’m surprised even aired at the time. James was in the bathroom showering down.

“Noah, please sit down,” Samantha looked at me with concern in her eyes as she placed a hand on my shoulder. “You’re worrying me.”

I sat down on the bed and looked at the woman. Her dress was dirty and smelled of dirt. She hadn’t changed it since we took her…since she joined us and needed it changed as soon as possible which is what I hoped Dean would do while he was out there. I wanted to get her into something better. Samantha sat down next to me and smiled, looking down at the children who all seemed pretty content. 

“They’re so adorable. I can’t believe that they’re my children,” My voice was hoarse from the scratches in it. 

“I just don’t understand how they’re so calm about this,” Samantha tilted her head to the side. “I mean, I would freak out if I found out that time travel existed, at least in some form and I did freak out, internally at least. But these kids are so calm about it. They’re so good.”

I turned my head to the side, “They are, though I think that they have seen a lot worse than Cas.”

“I would assume so,” Samantha paused as she looked at me. “But why would hunters have children?”

“We try not to because of our jobs. We don’t ever want to bring children into this kind of life. They are something I don’t ever want.”

“So they will grow up with you…here? Wouldn’t that get a little complicated when you do have the kids,” I shook my head as Samantha looked at me then down at the children. 

“No, they will be grown and out of the house by the time I have them again. Seems crazy to me but I don’t care now that I know that they’re safe,” I tilted my head. “They can’t be biologically mine. I would never give up testosterone for that long once, let alone twice.” 

Samantha nodded her head as she looked at the children. John turned back and smiled at me and waddled over to me. He wrapped his chubby little arms around my leg. My eyes shifted down to the man and looked at him. He smiled up at me and squeezed as tight as he could. John sat down on his knees and smiled at me, his cheeks rosy and chubby. The door swung open then slammed shut. Dean and the other two walked into the house. John waddled to Sam and Sam wrapped his arms around the child, lifting him up over his shoulder and blowing a raspberry into his side. Dean smiled at the sight, sitting down at the foot of the bed next to me. 

Dean shrugged, “So we came up with nothing. With no last name we couldn’t do anything.” 

“I told you that her name was Doris Treitz and that you should go ahead with that but it kind of looks like you haven’t even done gone through that.”

Dean rubbed the back of his neck as he looked down at the ground, “Uhhh…no. Sorry. I forgot the name as soon as I walked out of the door.”

I sighed, shaking my head and slinging my bag over my shoulder, “Take care of the kids, I’ll be back in like an hour.” 

Dean held out a hand and stopped me in my tracks. I straightened my back as I looked at the man. Dean tilted his head to Sam then to Cas seemingly as if to say that one of them should come with me. I rolled my eyes and looked down at the young kids who were still enthralled with the television show playing. Dean sighed and looked down at the children in hopes that he could possibly get out of this once more. His eyes were filled with fear and lack of sleep, he looked as if he were going to pass the fuck out and soon. Dean then turned and smiled at me as John was passed off to him.

“Can someone please go with you…and it not be me? I am so damn tired,” Dean swayed on his feet then covered his mouth. “Fuck, sorry. I’m not supposed to swear in front of children, aren’t I?”

“We’ve heard worse from Uncle Sam then you,” Jessica piped up and looked up at Sam. “We know we aren’t supposed to repeat what we hear until we’re fourteen.” 

Dean blinked in shock then looked at Sam then at me, “Wow, did you really come up with that rule?”

I shrugged then Jessica piped up once more, “No, daddy came up with that. Uncle Casie thought it would be a good idea as well.” 

Dean and I shot a look at James, the only one who was apart of the prophecy besides Sam, Cas, Dean and I. The one who would make sense. My heart sank into my stomach as I looked at him. James weakly smiled at me then down at my own stomach. I covered a hand over my womb and the one I was born with but never really asked for. James shifted his eyes back to my own face, giving me a weak smile as I turned to Dean. I moved forward and out of the door, closing it behind me.

The pounding of footsteps on the concrete alerted me to the presence of someone behind me, “Noah, what’s wrong with me being your husband in the future?”

I turned, “Look James, I’m sure you’re a wonderful guy but I wasn’t going to actually thinking that I was going to end up with you, you know. I never thought that I was going to end up with an angel. I don’t think I’m worthy of a celestial being.” 

James crossed his arms in front of his chest, “I think I might be a good guy and I know deep in my heart that I might be a good guy to you but what’s with this avoidance to angels.” 

“When I went to hell…I defiantly didn’t come out the same. Sam and Dean both didn’t come out the same either but they both seemed to fix it after awhile but I never really fixed it. Hell changed me in a way that I don’t think that I could ever fix.”

James tilted his head to the side as he looked into my eyes, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” 

I shrugged as I kept walking down the street to the library, “I don’t exactly want to say.”

“You’re already having visions of the future in a way and you are psychically linked to some of the members. I know something is going on that you don’t want to tell the others. You can tell me and I will take it to my grave.”

“I can’t tell you, I will bring up whatever has a hold on me,” James smiled at me as he threaded his fingers through me.

“I promise you that I won’t tell you anyone. I could never tell anyone even if I tried. My word is more than just my word. If I ever told anyone…I would die as well.”

I inhaled as I stood on the corner of a street and sat down on one of the benches near us, “You might want to sit down before you tell you anything.”

James sat down on the bench with me and looked me in the eyes, “Okay, go ahead.” 

I took a deep breath and let it out, “When I was in hell, I was one of the people who helped watch over all of the souls. A prisoner guard of sorts and it sort of fucked me up in a way. Seeing the souls of those who were meant to be tortured get tortured day in and day out would take a toll on anyone. I couldn’t do anything to help these people but I did work my way up the ranks. I got away from the tortured souls and into the ranks near Crowley…even got ahead of him while I was down there which kind of sucked for Crowley since he was supposed to be at the top.” 

James shook his head at me as he looked me over, “So you were the king go hell for a little while.”

“You could say so but I also went over Lucifer’s head at one point…almost going toe to toe with God. Though, we all call him Chuck and he’s a really good guy but I almost even went over his head.”

James looked at me as he wrapped a hand around mine, “What stopped you from going over God’s head?” 

“I would be way too powerful. I never asked for any power. I never even asked to go to hell. You know, you would think we would all go to heaven considering we are eradicating the world of all the bad monsters but instead we end up always going to hell. I never asked to go to hell and I definitely didn’t ask for all of this power. I was already too corrupt from my own mental illness to do anything productive.” 

“Of course,” James nodded as he looked down at his hands in his lap. “But you still took it.”

“I did, too a fault, James. I never wanted to take it but hell has a way of making you do things you never wanted to do. While your normal morals and heart are still there, you are not. You are corrupted by something down there and I don’t know what it is but you’re right, hell did give me the ability to be psychically linked to the members.”

James sat back and looked out into the street, “How are we going to go into a library filled with books that aren’t even in our language?”

I shrugged, “Honestly, I have no fucking clue. I guess it was probably a vain attempt anyway. We might actually be stuck for once.”

James shifted and stood up, extending a hand to me. I took it and walked back to the hotel with him, hand in hand. My eyes lazily falling shut while James lead me. He was a good leader, even helping me up the stairs of the hotel. I flopped onto my bed and rolled over. Dean let out a sigh of relief as he flopped down onto the bed as well. I heard Samantha shoo the children out of the hotel room. 

“Come on children, we have to get you all some food,” Samantha and the kids went out of the room, the door shutting behind them. I opened my eyes, James and Sam also walking out of the room with Cas nowhere in site. 

“I’m glad you’re back,” Dean curled into me and let his head lay on my chest. “Did you get anything?”

“We realized how useless it is to go to a library filled with books in a language we couldn’t even read.”

Dean chuckled, “Yeah. Even if I wanted to ask someone about finding the right book I don’t think I could. Don’t know German.” 

“Wait…shouldn’t there be US embassies here? Germany is still split into West and East Germany. It’s ’69,” I jumped up and began flipping through my binder. “God, how do I forget basic history!”

Dean sat up with me and looked over my shoulder as I flipped through the binder, placing a kiss on my temple, “God I love your brain. You are so smart.”

I lightly pushed him back, smiling, “You are too sweet to me, Dean but right now I need to concentrate.”

Dean feel silent as I looked around the binder for what I needed. The binder was messed up and falling apart already, the duct tape wasn’t even holding it together anymore. Dean kept his head on my shoulder as I peeled through the papers. Dean and I sat there for a few moments as I looked through it. Dean seemed as interested in the papers in front of me as I was. I turned my eyes to him, looking over his face as he read over the papers with eyebrows furrowed in concentration and eyes darting across the page. 

“Okay, nothing on this page. Wanna turn to the next pa-” Dean lifted the his eyes as he looked into my eyes. There was a beat then Dean’s lips were on mine. 

I leaned into the kiss and closed my eyes. Dean placed a hand on my hips and pulled me closer to him. I could feel my body meld with his as I leaned into him. He held me close before letting me go. A quick, short kiss in the middle of all the tension. I smiled, looking back down at the pages, turning them over and kept turning them until I found something. 

“I should still have a contact here somehow,” I mumbled as I looked through the pages. “I know I had something here with their number.”

“Is this the US Embassy number or something because I have never been to one of those.”

“Yeah, someone who knows both German and English and can help us. She’s not apart of the embassy per se but can defiantly help,” I turned to Dean. “Maybe you can help a little bit too.” 

Dean looked completely dumfounded as he looked me over with his face filled with confusion, “With what?”

~

I leaned against the door and waited for the moans to be completely done before I walked in. Dean’s eyes were wide as he tapped his toes on the ground before he began to pace around. I looked down at my hands, waiting for the whole thing to be done. Dean looked me into my eyes. I kept my eyes on him for a moment. He looked up at me. 

Dean chuckled and moved towards me, “So what, are you just going to look at me without kissing me?” 

“Yeah,” I smiled at the hunter as the door swung open to reveal a little, chubby man with balding hair. “Of course.” 

The man blushed as he realized that he had been caught. He held up a hand before scampering away like a mouse being chased by a cat. I smiled as I looked into the room. A woman in pink lingerie stood in the room, fixing her face in a vanity. The room was covered in marble and gold which complemented her pale skin perfectly. I didn’t even think to knock before walking into the room, my feet echoing across the big room. My eyes lifted to the woman who was still oblivious to the people in the room. 

“Hello hello,” I placed my hand on the vanity, drawing her attention to the people in her room. “I finally made it here.” 

The woman let out a sigh of relief and sat down on the stool that was in front of the vanity. She smiled at me through the mirror as she adjusted to the makeup that had been messed up through her little adventure. Dean uncomfortably moved into the room. But only after I had to wave him in. He looked the woman up and down, a habit that he hadn’t even fully gotten rid of yet. He smiled nervously at me before sitting down on the foot of the bed. 

The room seemed to have been completely created in the image of the palace of Versailles. It was gorgeous. Marble flooring that would definitely show up purple under any blacklight. The accents were all golden. The room also had pink accents but very little of them and all the pink was baby pink, used very sparingly. The bed was king sized and placed up on a platform. The platform was covered in a black velvet material. The sheets were pink and gold with a canopy over it. 

“I was expecting you,” The woman said ominously as she always had, her eyes going black in the mirror. “Though I think you know that.”

Dean sighed, “We’re dealing with another demon again. First Sam and now you? Really?”

“Dean, shut up for two whole seconds. You didn’t need to come and yet you did,” I turned back to the woman. “I’m sorry about that. He has a history with demons that hate him.”

The woman smiled at Dean, “Not all demons are bad Dean, some of us happen to be good people. There are no bad people, Dean, and no good people either, just decisions to be made. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.” 

“We need your help…what do you go by these days?” I looked over the woman and sighed. 

“I think her name was Jaimie,” The woman moved over to the bed, laying down. “I don’t keep up with names anymore and you know that.”

“Okay, but we need you to be able to help us. We can’t do anything without you.” 

“Of course, you couldn’t do this without me. But I will help you only if you help me. I want to go back to hell and help out my father.” 

Dean and I shot each other a look before turning back to the woman. Jaimie stood up from the bed, going over to the closet. She sat in front of many fancy clothes no doubt bought to her by the powerful people in her clutch. She worked her way through the clothing and put on a fancy silk dress. Her eyes moved over her body as she slinked over to the floor to ceiling length mirror on one side of the room. She felt over herself and looked at herself, tilting her head to one side. 

“That’s easy, but why don’t you go down there yourself,” Dean tilted his head to the side. “Can’t you just smoke it up and go down there yourself.”

“Hell is in ruins. It has been in ruins in since your brother came down to see us. But that’s besides the point. You were the ones who ruined my home and now you’re going to pay the consequences. I scratch your back and I scratch yours.”

Dean tilted his head to the side and looked at her, “So you can’t just poof back down to hell?” 

“No, like I said, your brother messed it up for all of us. Hell is on lockdown ever since he came down there the first time.” 

“Lockdown, so that means whatever we are fighting is not even the half of it, is it?”

Jaimie shook her head as she turned around to face us, “So where are we going?”

“Tellingstedt, Germany.” 

~

Dean held my hand in his as we moved down the same street I had seen so many times in dreams. It was almost a surreal moment as I stepped onto the streets. It was like as if I was going back in time. A hood was pulled over my face to hide myself from the eyre of other people. I looked over the people who were looking at me. Their words falling onto my ears but held no meaning. 

“What the hell are these people saying?” I whispered into the ear of Jaimie. 

Jaimie turned her head to the two of us, “Nothing expect for how you two look very weird. Outsiders.” 

I rolled my eyes. The three of us kept walking until we were faced with a house in a sleepy town near the beach. Dean and I shivered as I sat down on a little boulder. The breeze was colder here, reminding me of the summers spent at the beach with nothing else to give me any solace. The only good memories I could really pull from a childhood I had blacked out. Dean wrapped his arms around us and held us close. Jaimie looked between the two of us. 

“You two are too gross,” Jaimie turned. “I would leave but I honor my word.” 

Dean looked at Jaimie, eyes squinting against the sunlight, “I’m glad you do.”

Jaimie waved to the two of us. I stood and walked with the woman to a house. She pointed to it, “This is the house where the crash happens.”

“So, we just wait until it happens?” Dean turned to Jaimie who nodded and sat down on the curb. 

Dean sighed, doing the same. Then I dropped and sat down with the other two. Dean wrapped his arms around my body and held me close. He smiled at me, holding me close. Our hands moved to hold each others. Jaimie almost puked at the sight. A loud gagging sound coming out of her mouth. The two of us yanked back and pulled away.

Dean sighed once more and turned to Jaimie, “So we’re just going to wait here until it happens?”

“If you want to do something else until it happens then go ahead. I’ll stay here while you explore the town,” Jaimie smiled at Dean, a fake smile that held more secrets than I cared her to let loose. “Do you need any useful phrases?”

“No, I just want to talk to Noah,” Dean turned his attention back to me. “Alone. If that’s okay with you.”

Jaimie nodded, “Yeah. Of course. I’ll be right here waiting for you two to come back. Scouts honor.”

I stood up with Dean and took his hand in mine as he took me away from Jaimie. The two of us moved forward. My waddle becoming more distinct as I used Dean as a crutch. He didn’t speak for maybe the first mile of the walk. Assuming he wanted to be out of earshot of the demon before he even spoke to me. His eyes drifted to mine before he stopped. 

“Noah…I’m worried about you. Everything has been so…different since you convinced us to go on this mission. You’re having visions and not even ones we can properly control yet. You’re taking so much damage to your body and you already did. The poisoning and now the drowning…” Dean paused, waiting for some form of reaction out of me. When none came he continued. “I know you must be affected by this. I know you are and yet there’s nothing there. You’re this stone cold, ‘I have to keep pushing because if I don't keep pushing I will fall apart’ mentality. You’re turning into me.”

“And? I don’t have to do anything except believe in this because it is the only thing I know is now concrete.”

“Yes, because you brought it into existence. You were the final factor in making this theory actually real.” 

I shrunk back into myself, looking down at my hands and walking more towards the woods, “When we died…in that vision…I saw…I saw Slenderman…he was there and he was the ones who killed us.”

Dean scoffed, “Slenderman isn’t real and you can’t just change the subject like that.”

“Because I know that I am the one who brought this all into existence. Maybe me really believing in both of these things leads these things to actually become real.”

“How? One person can’t just think theories and internet stories into existence.”

“Remember when we were chasing that knock-off Slenderman,” Dean nodded. “The belief in that thing made it come into existence.”

“Yeah, but that was multiple people who lead to that thing coming to fruition. One person can’t believe enough for the person to make it real. You can’t just do that.”

“But maybe I can. I have already shown myself to be powerful enough to psychically feel the deaths of the people we are chasing. At least some of them.” 

Dean placed his hands on my shoulders and steadied my body. He began pulling me into his chest. I shook against the cold. The sun wasn’t enough to keep me warm. I felt my body move against the hunter. I was shaking. My entire body was shaking. Dean shushed me. He placed a hand on my shoulder and kissed my forehead. I felt my body shake even more against the strict hunter. He smiled down at me. He gave me a quick squeeze before releasing me.

Dean’s eyes scanned mine as he looked down to my arms, “You don’t have to go through this alone Noah, you know you don’t have to.”

“I know, I know but…anyone else would put me into the psych ward,” I turned my face over my shoulder to look for anyone who might over hear us. “I would throw myself into a psych ward. Wouldn’t you?”

Dean paused for a moment as he looked around us. Nothing, “I think I would if I were more normal but I’m not normal and I know that you aren’t experiencing any other mental illnesses…I mean other than the ones you already are.”

“Dean, I know how often I ask you to promise me to keep me safe but I honestly want you to actually keep me safe.” 

Dean paused once more to look at me and held my hands, “I really want to keep you safe but I need you to tell me things. Like what you actually did in hell. No lies, no bullshit this time. I need to know.”

I took a step back from Dean. My mouth went dry. Dean placed his hands on my elbows and kept me close. His eyes burrowed into mine as my eyes shifted to the ground. I needed to keep my eyes from giving me away. Dean didn’t need to know about what was going on in my brain. He shook me lightly and turned my attention to the hunter with my eyes never completely looking into his and kept my eyes away from him. 

“I can’t tell you, I wish I could but I can’t tell you. If I do, everyone I know will die. Even if I really could,” I whispered, the same caution that I had given James. “Please don’t push me.”

“Noah, I need you to do this. I need you to tell me what happened in hell. It is important for you to do this,” Dean shook me lightly as he looked me in the eyes. “If you don't do this we may not get out of here or beat Elizabeth.” 

“Fine,” I took a deep breath as I turned around to keep my back away from the man. “Hell was a place that changed me a lot more than the two of you. When I left hell…I had a lot more power than I ever thought was necessary to me. Sam’s psychic abilities are no match for mine. It’s a lot more than that and I don't even know the extent of it.” 

Dean placed a hand on my shoulder and tried to turn me back to him but I stated in resolve. I kept my arms crossed in front of my chest. My eyes were on the ground as I kicked up the sand and dust in front of me. Dean kept his hands on my shoulders and kept my eyes on the ground. I sighed as my eyes filled with dust. Dean dropped his hands from my shoulders.

“Sorry, keep going,” Dean shuffled around to the side where I couldn’t see him.

“That’s it…I don’t know how to keep everything in check. I would if I could but I don’t know more than that.”

Dean sighed, wrapping his hand around mine as he looked at me. I kept my eyes down for a bit. I didn’t want to face him anymore but his hands were a comfort. If I was going to face Dean, I don’t think I could anymore. He probably thought I was absolutely disgusting. His hand squeezed mine in a bit of reassurance that did nothing to calm my growing nerves. 

“Oh…,” Dean shifted, I could hear it but couldn’t see it. “Well, we can always get Cas to help you out.” 

“How could he help me,” Tears welled up in my eyes as I looked down at the shade. “He’s no demon.”

“But he is an angel, same breed as some of those demons downstairs and Cas does know more than any of us might,” I could feel that his eyes were on me as I sat down on the ground. Dean sat down with me as my eyes flooded with tears. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

The tears flooded out of my eyes as I looked down at the hands in my lap. The wave of panic came over me. The feeling was more of a comfort to me than the silence and peace around me. It was a sickening feeling to have the panic going through my veins. My eyes filled with the tears once more. The shaking the only symptom I could feel and overwhelmed everything I could in the movement. My eyes dropped to the ground. Dean pulled me close to him and held me. The warmth of his hands on my body as he moved closer to me. My eyes dropped down to the ground as I looked at him for once. Dean placed his hands on my face, cupping my face as he looked me in the eyes as he pulled me closer to him and smiled at me, placing a kiss on my temple. My body was still shaking as my hands were placed onto Dean’s own cheek.

“Whoa, you’re okay. You’re okay,” Dean looked me over as his hands dragged over my body. I sniffled and wiped my tears. “That was out of nowhere.”

I nodded, my body still shaking as I looked into his eyes, “Weird…I don’t think it never really came out of nowhere like that. Normally something triggers it.”

Dean nodded and pulled me close, “We need to get you to Cas, this woman can wait.”

A fluttering of wings and the sun was covered up by a shadow gave way to the angel’s, “You rang?” 

“Yeah, think Noah here has some sort of connection to hell,” Dean nodded over to me. “I mean…don’t you think it’s kind of odd that he has this psychic link to some of the victims?” 

Cas nodded then sat down next to me on the rock with his eyes searching into mine. I had no idea what he was attempting to see but his eyes were doing something. Dean kept me still, his hands on my shoulders. Cas’ eyes were on mine and I wanted to look away, shifting in my seat but Dean kept his hands on my shoulders. His placed his chin on my shoulder to keep me still. It wasn’t particularly bothering. It was almost a violation against my own mind. All of my private thoughts seemed to be searched through. It was one of the most feelings, knowing someone was searching around in my mind. 

“Only a few more minutes,” Dean kept his hands on me. “Just a few more minutes.”

I shivered underneath the gaze of Cas. He was searching through my mind. I could feel it happening. The angel digging through my own mind. I wanted desperately to break away from the both of them. It was gross. I knew it was gross. I didn’t want an angel searching through my mind. It was a violation. Cas kept searching, my mind something that I could no longer control. I backed away from Cas and into Dean’s arms. Cas pulled back, looking at me without much cause. 

His face was about three shades paler than what it was before. The angel and the hunter exchanged a look. Dean shrank back as he looked at me. His hands feel from my shoulders. Dean shook his head as he stood up. His hands were shaking at his side. It was pretty bad. It had to be from the reactions of those around me. My body backed away from the other two. 

“What is it? What’s wrong with me,” The two exchanged a look between themselves and didn’t respond. “Tell me what the hell is wrong with me!”

“Noah…,” Cas started, looking over at Dean. “Hell…you never really left hell…”

My body began to shake once again, “What the hell is that supposed to mean, Cas!” 

“I don’t think you ever really lived a life without a bit of hell in you,” His words hit my chest…hard.

My body was practically vibrating at this point, “Cas, enough with your cryptic shit. What the hell is wrong with me?” 

“You are a child of hell…for lack of a better word. Your heart and soul have hell in them. You are a part of hell as much as the demons downstairs. Which is why demons would probably trust you more than any of us and why you were going above Lucifer and Crowley. I mean…you are the only one who can sit on the throne of hell.”

I sat back down on the rock and clutched a hand to my chest, “Cas…I don’t have hell in me. My parents were normal people.”

“At least you think they’re normal,” Cas looked at me. “I mean…you were just born. You never really knew the whole story of your birth.”

My chest tightened once more as I looked down at my own hands, “I can’t…no. I don’t believe it.”

Cas looked at me, head shaking as he sat down, “I don’t know what to tell you, you are more hell than human at this point.”

More hell than human. The phrase stuck with me. I lowered my head in shame, lifting my eyes to look at Dean. He looked fucking ashamed. His arms were crossed in front of his chest. His eyes were hard. They held no more love for me. They were hard and filled with hate. It was a look that was only given to monsters. My eyes went back down to my feet. I picked up a bag and shook my head as I flipped the bag over my shoulder. My feet began to move. My eyes moved forward, looking at the trees that now created a canopy over me. 

My feet moved under some supernatural force. It was more of a movement that meant nothing to me. I was moving as if I was being pulled my a force. I couldn’t hear the footsteps of anyone behind me. They didn’t want to follow a monster anyhow. I kept walking down the street, my eyes going over the forestry. It was familiar…the only familiarity that I had with this canopy. The place was the one in the vision. The house now coming into view. I stopped.

The house was perfect. It wasn’t as dilapidated as was in the vision. My eyes paused and looked over the house in the foreground. My hands stopped in front of me as I looked at the house, alive with joy once more. The house was perfect. Though, there were no sounds coming from the house. It was the the house perfectly secluded from other people. It was completely silent. My eyes moved over the house once more before I kept moving towards the house. 

The door of the house was completely unlocked. Unusual for a house occupied or not. I had half expected to have to puck the lock of the door. It was completely silent inside. No one around the house and nothing inside, not even an animal. The house was in perfect condition. The furniture was in tact. The fridge was completely stocked. I set my bag down, sitting on the perfectly plush couch. The silence was welcoming. It was perfect to me. Away from everyone and the eyre of people. It was completely perfect to me. 

My eyes drifted to my bag. The urge to open it up was strong. But my urge to sleep was a lot stronger. My eyes were heavy and so were my emotions. It was enough to be considered an outsider to normal people. But now I was even an outsider to the people I thought were family. Did they still believe that I was a monster all the ay in the future? Would I always be a monster to them?

~

The house was completely silent. The sun had set all the way now. Crickets chirped in the background. It was completely silent here. Just the way I liked it. It wasn’t often I had gotten moments of silence with the men in the bunker. My body was tired but I had completely showered in the hot water provided to me by whoever was here. They had also left a bit of food and some items that helped me get washed. There was also a bit of laundry detergent which I used to wash some of my clothing.

My body was covered in some fresh bruises and scratches. It was weird. I had not fought anyone in awhile. But I didn’t do anything. I had too much to do or rather not do. If Cas and Dean were going to be weird about how much hell I had in my body then they would suffer the consequences. Sam had a heart. He would never let them leave without me. So I had to be safe here. So I was safe here with my binder and some food. 

I made some food with the few food items that were in the house. Our peanut butter and jelly sandwich was better that nothing. I munched on it as I walked around the house. The house wasn’t dusty and the back of the house opened up to a bit of forest then to a bit of water which I assumed was filled with the ocean water. My eyes drifted to the water. It would be nice to go skinny dipping. 

After I finished my dinner and waited because I didn’t want to get some sort of cramping. Maybe the whole waiting thing was a myth but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to drown. I stripped of all my clothing and hesitated at the water’s edge. I hadn’t gone swimming alone since my friend died. The thought of even going into the water scared me. It wasn’t the body of water that scared me, it was more so much more than that. It was the deepness of the water. The darkness. I took a deep breath and stepped in. The water was lukewarm. Cool and warm at the same time. Both of them were perfect for the warm air around me. 

I slowly slipped into the water, letting it overtake me. My body lightly shook as I continued to step in. I was completely tired. The anxiety of stepping into the body of water was too much but I did it anyway. I spent too much time in fear of water to let it overtake me now. I was terrified of the water in front go me and it was the last thing I wanted to do. It was much more than that. My terror was more than the coolness of the water around me. My eyes moved over to the water. It was completely still other than the ripples I had made getting into the water.

The crickets chirped around me. Owls hooted just the same. My eyes darted around. The animals around me were singing their song in the quiet of night. I was completely still around them. I kept walking into the water in hopes of getting over the anxiety coursing through my veins. The feeling was a lot more terrifying this time. Normally I had used my anxiety to get shit done and now it was overcoming me a lot more. I kept my hands down in the water, taking a deep breath as I moved into the water even more. My eyes were closed as I walked into the water until the water hit my shoulders. 

That’s when I opened my eyes again. My eyes scanned the now still water. My fear was still telling me to run. Run out of the water and never go back. I was scared for my own life. An irrational fear of drowning caused by the death of a friend. I knew I could swim. I was a strong swimmer at that. I could get out if I wanted to but now I was terrified of moving. I couldn’t move in the water now. The moon and stars were my only light. But I stood still in the water for a few moments before turning back. The dark was growing and my eyes were heavy. 

At the edge of the water was a shadow that hadn’t been there when I entered the water. I shot the shadow a look. I had no weapons on me to defend myself. No one was around me and the water wasn’t safe. At least not to me. So I stepped out of the water, towards the figure. I still couldn’t see who was standing at the edge of the water. When I was waist deep in water, that was where I stopped until I knew who this person was. 

“Who are you,” I called to the figure which didn’t move. “What do you want?”

A flashlight flicked on, revealing the figure. Dean…and Cas. Both of them stood there staring at me. They didn’t look too happy to see me. I shrank back into the water. Dean sighed. The two of them were just within earshot of me. His shoulders moved as he shrugged off his clothing. My eyes darted to the water around me as ripples moved around me. I kept my hands near me as I shot back, away from him. Every part of me shook as I took a deep breath and went under the water for the first time since my friend died. 

The water went still around me as I held my breath. The water around me was murky. I couldn’t see much farther than my own hand a foot away from my face. I turned down and swam towards the bottom in hopes to cover myself even further from Dean. I didn’t think he would even come close to finding me. My air should have run out by now, my lungs burning in protest, and yet my lungs were completely fine. I was completely fine underneath the water. It was almost as if I were breathing. But that couldn’t be true. I may have a part of hell in me but that doesn’t mean I could breath underwater. 

I shot up out of the water after a few moments, the water becoming too much for me. At least…being under the water was too much for me. I was farther away from the edge of the body of water. There was a speck of light at the edge of the water. The flashlight was still on but it flickered off. I ducked under the water and swam towards the edge once more. I picked up my clothes at the edge of the body of water, Cas and Dean didn’t seem to want to take them from me, and moved back towards the house. 

My breathing was labored as I opened up the back door to the house. The entirety of the house was completely still. There were no movements and no sign of a break in. I had hidden my stuff pretty well inside the house, hoping that the two were completely stupid and didn’t check the house fully. My stuff was still hidden under one of the floorboards. Complete and utter idiots. If they really wanted to fuck with me they would have taken my stuff. 

Clank. Metal on wood. Muffled voices. The knife I carried with me was at my side. I wrapped a towel around me. The steps creaked under my weight. My eyes moved over to the kitchen. A light was on, flickering ever so slightly. More muffled voices. Then…face to face with the hunters I had just run from. 

Dean smiled as he held out some food to me, “Want some? I’m sure you’re hungry after that late night swim of yours.”

“No, I’m fine thanks,” My eyes drifted to Cas who was stone faced. “Why the hell are you here?”

“Well, we can’t really do much without you since you have all of the information we need.”

“Aren’t you just going to torture it out of me? Isn’t that what you do to every monster you encounter?” 

Dean’s face softened, setting down his food, “I mean…yeah but you’re our friend and we would never do that to you.”

I lurched forward and held the knife to Dean’s throat. One of his hands was raised upright. The other was gripping the counter behind him. I pressed the knife in deep enough to draw some blood. Dean groaned. Cas lurched into action and tried to pull me off of him. I placed the knife on Cas’ chest and pushed it in just a little bit. Enough to make Cas drop to the ground in pain. 

“Tell me what you actually want with me then maybe I’ll tell you,” I looked around the room wildly, back and forth between the two. “What do you want?”

Dean held up some handcuffs, slapping them onto my wrists. My eyes shot to Dean. His eyes were completely soft as he dragged me up to my room. I sighed as I stumbled up, getting on my clothing. My hair was still soaking wet from the lake. Wouldn’t be dry until morning at least. Maybe the next day at best. Dean sat down on the bed, watching me get dressed as best I could with handcuffs on. A chuckle falling from his lips. 

I kept my voice low in case Cas heard us, “Why the cuffs? I’m not going to hurt you.” 

“But you almost did. Held a knife to my throat. Considering your soul is made of hellfire…I would want to keep you as subdued as possible.” “Dean, this doesn’t change anything between us, does it? I’m still the same person you met and fell in love with,” I pleaded.

“You might be lying to me. Right now I need to be more cautious around you more than ever.”

Once I got dressed and grabbed my stuff, Dean lead me down the stairs. My eyes darted over to the angel in the corner of the room. He had a gauze pad placed on his chest. His eyes were half closed at this point. I kept my eyes down as the two lead me out and back towards the hotel. My eyes down the entire time. I didn’t want to face the others. 

James stood in the doorway with worried eyes looking out across the hotel hallway. Dean dragged me all the way to him, essentially. My eyes were kept down. James placed a hand on my shoulder as he lead me in. My eyes were completely full of tears. Samantha sat at the table eating some food. The children were in one of the beds sleeping soundly. My hands were still cuffed and I assumed they would remain cuffed until they deemed me dafe enough. Sam gave me a soft smile and looked down at the cuffs on my wrist. 

“Why is Noah cuffed like that?” Sam tilted his head to the side and looked up into my eyes. “Shouldn’t we be cuffing Elizabeth?”

“Because little shit is a literal spawn of Hell. I don’t know what the hell to even call him but he’s not human,” Dean forced me to my knees, causing me to wince in pain. “Don’t know what the hell to do with him either.”

Sam’s eyes filled with compassion as I looked up at him. I didn’t want to be in this position and he knew it. We both knew I couldn’t be in this position. Sam sighed as he looked down at my feeble state. My eyes were completely tired and all I wanted to do was pass out. I had been up for at least fifteen hours by this point. My body was completely weak and all I wanted was to sleep the night away but it didn’t look like that was going to be the case.

“Come on, let Noah go. He doesn’t need to be chained up like this and you know it.”

“He will remain like this until we know he’s completely safe to be around and that’s the end of it.”

I slumped back onto my feet and leaned against the bed. Dean hit my back forcing me back into a sitting position. My eyes darted around the room…to the sleeping children. Each one of them was seemingly unaware of the talking going on around them. Dean stood me back up, roughly yanking on my arm and roughly pulling me into the bathroom. I fell against the cool tiles, my eyes darting back to the door. 

“This is where you’re going to stay until we get to understand what your motives are, hell spawn,” Dean slammed the door behind me. 

I curled into the tub and slunk into it with my body aching. My eyes were tired. My body ached as I tried to get comfortable. I let my eyes close. I couldn’t completely sleep. It was completely uncomfortable. The ceramic was cold against my body. Dean had never been terrible to me before. He had already been terrible to monsters. I knew it would be probably the fact. We would be completely terrible to the monsters. But now I was one of them. 

I waited in the bathroom for what seemed like hours. I kept my head down as I tried to sleep. But it was way too much. I couldn’t sleep in this bathroom. I didn’t even want to attempt the door. It was most likely locked. I was ‘dangerous’ eye though I hadn’t known that I wasn’t actually human. Voices were outside of the door. The lock turned as Sam walked into the bathroom with me. My eyes looked at the man who shut the door behind him. My eyes drifted down to my lap.

Sam sat down next to me, “I am sorry about Dean, he doesn’t seem to get that you’re a human being.”

“But I’m not. I’m not human. I don’t think I ever have been. I am just a hell spawn like Dean said.”

Sam handed me a pillow and some blankets. He tucked me in and smiled at me. My eyes drifted to Sam, “You look like shit. What happened to you?”

“I went for a fucking swim against better judgement. Scared the ever-loving shit out of me but I guess I just felt the urge to. Same house I saw in my vision.” 

“So the house actually exists,” I nodded. Sam looked at me. “I guess that means almost everything that you envision is going to come true. Maybe you are more than human.”

“We do that I am more than human Sam. I can’t actually be a normal human being,” I sighed as I tried to make sure that I was comfortable. “I am a fucking hell spawn.”

“But you’re not, you are a normal human being with a little bit of hell inside of you. I don’t want you trapped in here. I can’t see you like this Noah.”

I looked down and sighed as Sam looked into me, “Dean is a terrible person around masters. He needs to see that you are an asset to us.”

“I don’t know if I’m an actual asset to everyone. I think I tend to be more of a burden to you guys. I just do research.” 

Sam sighed as he held my hand in mine. He sighed as he rubbed his thumb over my knuckles. My eyes moved over his body as he stood up. He sighed as he turned away from me. I could tell that he wanted to stay in here. He wanted to stay here with me and make me feel safe. But…he left and shut the door behind him, turning the light off with him as well. I let my eyes close just the same and tried to fall asleep.

~

Morning came…and I only knew that when Dean let himself into the bathroom very loudly and woke me up out of a deep sleep. He threw the blankets off of me and lifted me up with one hand on my elbow. I almost tripped coming out of the bathroom. My foot caught on the edge as I stumbled towards out to the others. Dean sat me down at the table. The three children looked up at me. 

“Oh, so that’s when we are…okay,” Jessica’s voice was soft as I looked at the child. 

Dean sighed as he placed some food in front of me, “Come on. You may be our prisoner but you deserve to eat just the same.” I took the food gratefully, attempting to eat as much as I could. Sam placed his hand on my shoulder before his eyes drifted to Cas who sat at the other side of the table. There was someone missing though. Samantha wasn’t at the table. She wasn’t even in the room. My eyes darted to the children who were still here. 

“Where is Samantha,” Dean placed a hand on my shoulder and gripped it hard enough to bruise. He didn’t let up on my shoulder, nails digging in and almost causing me to bleed.

Cas shot a look to Dean then down at me, “I took her to the bunker. Keep her safe and keep the number of people traveling down.”

“Then what about the kids. Shouldn’t they be there as well? They don’t deserve to stay away from this as well?”

No one said anything. It already seemed like that had come up with this plan. Which made me a lot more comforted. Not having the children here would be a miracle. Less bodies on the trip. Plus, they were kids who grew up with the Winchesters. They had to know a little bit about hunting by now. Even if they learned it in secret. I knew they had the same curiosity as Sam and rebellious streak Dean had. So young, yet they probably knew something. 

I finished my meal and kept my head down. Dean let up his grip on my shoulder. His walked over to the kitchen and looked over his shoulder to keep his eyes on me. Sam’s hand were still on my hand as I looked down at the empty plate in front of me. My wrists were already irritated from the handcuffs. They weren’t tight by any means but they still hurt. Sam sighed as he looked down at the irritation. 

“Can we please get these handcuffs off of Noah? They’re clearly irritating him.” 

“No, we still have no idea what he is capable of. He could kill us all at any mom-”

“But he is our friend, basically our family Dean,” Sam turned to Cas. “Cas, tell him that Noah is okay to not have those fucking handcuffs on him.”

Cas sighed, “Dean, Sam’s right. Noah is completely fine to walk around without handcuffs. He has Hell in him but he isn’t going to hurt us. He is completely fine.”

Dean shuddered as he looked at my handcuffs. He sat down next to me and took out a key. He unlocked my handcuffs. A sigh left his mouth as he sat down next to me. I kept my eyes down on my wrists, rubbing them in hopes to relieve some of the soreness I had. Sam kept his eyes on my wrists as I pulled them back. 

Dean stood back up and let out another sigh, “I still don’t trust you, Noah. I hope you know that.”

I kept my head down with eyes never leaving the plate in front of me. Sam kept his eyes on me. I didn’t know how to act in front of my own friends. With Dean watching over me as if I was some sort of monster…well I was some sort of monster. The physical shackles may have been off but now I felt even more trapped than I ever have been. Dean and I locked eyes for a few seconds before looking back down. 

“Today is the day,” I whispered, my voice more soft than anything. “We have to watch someone die today…”

The deaths…they were finally taking their toll on me. There was a pit in my stomach that never let me completely fill it. A hole in my heart that could never be filled. It was almost as if I was being torn apart bit by bit. My eyes drifted to Sam then back down to the plate. Sam got up, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and kissing the top of my head. He moved back to his seat and shot Dean a look. 

“Come on Dean, come sit down,” Sam offered and looked at his brother. “You’re going to hurt yourself standing up all the time.”

“We both know that’s a myth Sam,” My voice was still soft as I looked at Dean. “You can’t just hurt yourself like that. It takes years to do that.”

I reached down and rubbed my own foot, still bare from last night and caked in mud. My foot was permanently swollen from all of the walking I had done. It was always swollen and in pain. Apart from the very sad arthritis at an early age but the lovely padding that supported by second toe was completely gone. Just poofed out of nowhere. It was completely gone but the other side was completely fine. My foot would get tight for no reason and I had to rub it constantly. 

Dean chuckled then sat down at the edge of the bed, eating some cereal out of a bowl. My eyes dropped to the ground. The kids were completely silent in their ways. They had finished their meals and were completely silent. They looked between the four of us. Eyes curiously moved to the three of us. My own eyes moved to the children who stared at us. Jessica helped her two younger siblings.

Jessica tilted her head to the side as she looked at me, “Can we go to the bunker now?”

“I don’t know about that,” I tilted my head to Cas. “Ask Uncle Cas about that.”

Cas moved to the three, turning his attention to the children, “I will take you back now if you three are ready.”

Jessica nodded, holding the hands of her two siblings, “Yes. We are ready to go back home. To the bunker.” 

Cas nodded and set his hands on the children for a moment and took a deep breath. He held them close for a moment, tears welling up in his eyes as he did so. Sadness washed over his face as he pulled back. He looked them over before holding them close once more. The kids giggled, not noticing the sadness on Cas’ face. They were just happy to be there…in Cas’ arms. His eyes moved over to me, a smile crossing his face just once. He looked back at the kids, putting a smile on his face for the children.

Cas hugged the three children, “I’m going to miss you guys, the hunt won’t be the same without you here.”

I outstretched my arms to the children, “Come here. I want some hugs from my own children.” 

The children walked over to me and placed themselves in my arms. It felt really weird hugging my own children before it’s time. I looked down at them, kissing the tops of their little heads. It all felt very weird. I was going to adopt…or potentially give birth to the children I was now holding. Not right now but soon enough. I kept my eyes down. They were so cute…and I loved them so much already.

They moved over to Sam and hugged him, waiting for Cas to take the kids out of here. My eyes moved to them as Cas disappeared with them. He came back a few seconds later as if nothing had happened. He still had tears in his eyes as he looked at the two of us, wiping the tears out of his eyes. He smiled at the two of us then sat back down. He smiled at me.

“You really loved those kids, didn’t you?” Cas nodded and looked at me, slowly adjusting his position. 

“I guess you could say that. I did like having them around. Reminded me a lot of Claire…reminded Jimmy of Claire. A lot. Especially the eldest.” 

“She was really cute, I’ll give you that,” I smiled at the thought of the little girl. “She was so mature. Granted she was raised by the Winchesters and two angels.” 

Sam chuckled, “Come on. Mary was a little firecracker. I loved her so much.”

“I thought you would like Jessica more,” I giggled at the man and leaned back into my chair.

“Nah. I really loved Mary. She was so cute,” Sam turned to Dean. “Well, who was your favorite Dean?”

“I loved John…,” Dean smiled wistfully with a sad look in his eyes. “I really loved John.”

“Nice, he was a good one,” Sam turned to me. “When are we heading out Noah? Now or later?”

“Probably a little bit later,” I smiled at Sam and looked at my hands. Dean was still unusually cold. Assuming I was still a monster in his eyes. “We don’t need to go out until now.”

Sam smiled and leaned back, nodding as he cleaned up the table. Now there were more plates than there were people. James was still asleep in the bed. Completely unaware of what had happened between the four of us. Dean sighed, standing up and going into the bathroom. My eyes dropped down to my lap, keeping them down there. My dogs came out from underneath the bed, seeping out like shadows, and licked my hands. They laid down at my feet. Cas shrunk back, just ever so weary of the dogs. 

~

The handcuffs were back on through no fault of my own. Dean had coaxed them back onto me. While Cas and Sam had protested in my honor it made Dean feel safe. At least while we were out and about. I knew it looked weird from all of the stares we got while walking down the streets. But Dean kept me close in his grip.

“Here we go,” Dean shoved me onto a rock and let me sit down. “Now we wait…yet again.”

“Whatever happened to Jaimie? We completely forgot about her yesterday…I completely forgot about her yesterday.”

Dean was completely stiff and stern, “Probably left to whatever demon’s do.”

I sighed and set my chin on a fist. Dean wasn’t going to give me any good answers in this mood. He was too completely set in his ways. I was a monster to him. I was always going to be a monster to him. Dean was going to be set in his ways. Dean was only going to think of me as a monster. I shifted in my seat and sighs. Dean looked at me, gripping my shoulder to seemingly hold me in place as cars rushed passed us. It was as if he were waiting for me to jump into the middle of the road. I looked at Dean over my shoulder. He was stone faced and wasn’t even looking at me. 

“Dean,” Sam looked at his brother. “I want you to uncuff Noah. He poses no real threat to either of us right now. Or anyone for that fact.”

Dean shook his head, “We’re not going to do it right now. I can’t have him running away on us.”

I closed my eyes as I looked down at my own hands. I waited with baited breath for the crash to happen. Psychic connection or not, watching someone die is no way to spend a nice summer night. I didn’t even know if I was going to feel the death or not. My eyes dropped down to the ground. Maybe if I didn’t look then I wouldn’t be able to feel the death. I hadn’t even tried that method yet. Dean grabbed my hair and pulled my head up, forcing my eyes onto the road. 

“Which one is the car,” Dean checked his watch then looked down at me. “Come on, which one is it?”

“I don’t know…I could never find any information about the cars. Probably because they were too damaged for anyone to see what the hell kind of car they were,” I looked at Dean as he yanked my head back almost ripping out my hair. Tears welled in my eyes at the pain. “Please. I’m like Jon Snow here. I know nothing.”

“Dean, let go,” Sam looked at his brother and grabbed his wrist. “You’re fucking hurting him.”

Dean didn’t let up on my hair and yanked it back harder than he did before, “I thought you knew the cases back to front, better than anyone. How do you not know the kind of car they were driving.” 

My breath hitched in my throat as Dean brought out a knife and held it to my throat. Sam yelped and almost knocked the knife out of Dean’s hand, “Come on, you do know this!”

“I don’t Dean,” I begged, my voice wet with tears. “Please, I know nothing. I know absolutely nothing Dean.”

Sam gripped his brother’s hand and ripped the blade from his hand, “You’re acting absolutely insane Dean. This is our friend we’re talking about here and not some fucking monster. He is completely telling the truth when he says he doesn’t know shit.”

My back arched. Bones cracked. My breathing stopped. I couldn’t feel my body anymore. My heart pounded. Blood poured out of spots on my body. My legs bent in an awkward position. My arms bent back. Then…my body went lifeless.


	13. Twelve

My eyes opened up. The white light of a hospital was around me. I groaned as I tried to get up out of my bed. The IVs uncomfortably being tugged at the thought of movement. My body almost made me want to threw up as the IVs tugged at me. My dogs were laying at the foot of the bed. No doubt cloaked as no one had a reaction. Cas and Sam sat to the right of me. James and Dean sat next to me on the left. Bright white. Blinding white light. I kept my eyes down as I kept my body completely still now. Dean looked completely angered. My body was pale. Lack of blood. Still a lack of blood. Blood dripping into one of my IVs. Body so weak. My eyes closed. 

I opened my eyes back up again into the bright light of the hospital once more. The others had shifted but my dogs hadn’t. My eyes moved down to them, Loki moved up to meet me, his head on my armpit. He sadly licked my face. He had never seen me like this. I hadn’t even seen myself like this. My eyes drifted to the others. Sam and Dean sat next to each other now. Cas and James were in the corner talking. Both of them turning to me. Their eyes drifted to me. Our eyes were completely locked. 

“Look who’s up,” Cas smiled as he looked me over. “You really took a hit with that car crash.”

I looked around the hospital room, “Where are we? I mean…I know we’re in a hospital but where are we?”

“Topanga, California. Next person on your list. September of 1970,” Cas smiled and turned at me. Dean looked completely mad as he looked me over. He looked like I should have died. I wish I had died when I was down there. 

I nodded and looked down at my hands which were filled with IVs, “Yeah. Of course.”

Sam gripped one of my hands carefully. My eyes were completely tired and I wanted to go back to sleep. But I had to keep them open. I couldn’t completely finish my mission if I was asleep. My eyes were tired. I was tired. Sam looked at me. His eyes were all over me in worry. I kept my eyes down on the IVs. 

“I feel so weak,” I whispered. “I lost a lot of blood I think. Did I loose a lot of blood.”

“Pretty much everything except for a pint,” Sam chuckled. “Good thing you’re not human.”

I chuckled as well, my ribs struggling against the laughter, “I mean, that’s one thing my heritage is more hell than human. I’m indestructible!”

Cas raised a finger, “Not really. You can actually die. At least your physical form. Your body can just take more damage than the normal human being but you can still die.”

I pouted and attempted to cross my arms, “Couldn’t let me have my superhero moment, could you Cas?”

“Uhhh…no. Sorry.” The angels hugged and looked down at his own hands. I shook my head and looked over at Sam. 

Sam and I smiled as if we were small children, “I’m a superhero Sam, I’m a real superhero.”

“I guess you could be,” Sam chuckled and looked me over. “Indestructible is a good power to have young one.”

I smiled and kept my head down. The room fell silent around me. James opened his mouth as if to speak but didn’t. He hadn’t spoken in awhile. As if he were silenced by the world around him. I looked over at the angel. His wings were folded against his back. He smiled at me, waving lightly. I waved back then turned back to Sam.

“So what would my superhero name be?” I asked excitedly as I looked at Sam.

Sam shrugged with a huge dopey smile on his face, “We’ll think on it, how about that?”

I nodded and laid back. I let my head fall onto the flattest pillow I ever put my head on. Sam got up and grabbed another pillow off of the other bed. He looked at me. A smile was on his face. Sam waved his hand. I smiled and lifted myself up with a little bit of trouble. He replaced my flat pillow with the better one and smiled at me. 

“Does that feel a bit better,” Sam tilted his head to the side. “Please tell me that it feels a little bit better.”

“It does Sam, thank you for doing that,” Sam smiled happily as he looked at me. “I don't know what I would do without you.”

I motioned for Sam to come down to my level and I kissed his cheek. Dean shot me a look. His head tilted to the side. This man is really fucking jealous after he literally almost killed me and called me a monster! I groaned once more. The pounding in my head came back. I dizzily shook my head. He looked at me with cold hard eyes and groaned. He looked like he was going to slice Sam’s throat. His fists balled up and looked down at them, unclenching them. I kept me eyes on his fists. 

I finally addressed the man sitting nearest me, “Dean, what do you fucking think you’re doing?”

“Nothing, hell spawn, shut your mouth,” Dean growled as he stood up. He looked like he was going to punch a wall. “You don’t get to speak unless you are spoken to.”

Sam sighed and ushered his brother, Cas and James out of the room. He closed the door then came over to me and sat down next to me in one of the chairs. I sighed as well and looked at the man. Sam took one of my hands in his and sighed once more as he looked me over. Bruises in all colors were on my body. I looked at the man, trying to get more comfortable in my bed. 

“Sorry about Dean. He really wanted to leave you once you almost died but we kept him from doing so. He still thinks you’re a fucking monster.”

“Again, he’s kind of right about that. I am more monster than human right now. I know I can’t fully change his mind. We can’t fully change his mind, Sam.”

“He can’t actually think you’re more of a monster. Deep down I think he knows you’re a human. Actually, I know he knows that you are human.” 

“But I’m not human. I am a literal hell spawn,” Tears formed in my eyes. “I am a hell spawn, Sam.”

I kept my eyes down on my own hands. Sam kept my hands down as I shifted in my bed to try and get more comfortable. Sam’s eyes were on my body as I kept shifting in my seat. My eyes shifted to Sam. He lifted his eyes up to me. I ke[t my own eyes down as I looked at him.

“Then how do you explain your emotions, your empathy…love…?” Sam looked at me as he shifted in his seat. He was uncomfortable sure…but I needed to give him answers. “You have felt all of that haven’t you?”

“I mean, yeah but that doesn’t prove that I am any less hell. Ruby felt emotions…she loved you and you loved her. What’s so bad about me having emotions…feeling so bad about myself…” 

Sam placed his hand on my bruised arm which I was surprised that I wasn’t in a cast, “That’s true but you have something a lot more powerful than a demon in you.”

My legs and arms…why weren’t they in casts? I knew my body would have to be in casts because of what happened to me. And yet they weren’t. They were perfectly okay. I was normal. I was…okay. At least I had no broken bones. Or if I did they were heated pretty quickly. My eyes shifted down to the bruises everywhere on my body. Sam looked up at me, finally coming up to my face. His eyes were on mine as I looked down at me. 

I tilted my head to the side as I looked into his eyes, “So you just expect me to not have any emotions?”

“I mean, kind of. I don’t think someone who is ‘more hell than human’ to just have emotions.”

“‘More hell than human’ means I still have human in me. I am still, in part, human.”

Sam dropped his eyes down to my body once more in a bid to look at my body and all the damage that had been done to my body. It was completely tiresome to know that this was probably going to happen even more often that I thought. My eyes drifted to Sam and locked eyes with him. He genuinely cared for me. Like an older brother would but now I was more damaged goods. 

I kept my eyes down as I spoke to Sam, “Do you know if Dean will ever be normal again? If he’ll ever really make me apart of the team again?” “I don’t know…he seems to be…more stuck in his ways more than anything. He tends to be stuck in his ways and you know that. He is just one of those people. You know that?”

“Sam, I don’t know if I could go through with this…staying with him…like this. I can’t do this knowing he would just think of me as less than human…as a monster.”

“I didn’t even know that you were still dating him…and I know you defiantly shouldn’t stay with him if you think it’s going to be a bad thing.”

I kept my head down and nodded as I looked at him. Dean and the others walked into the house with me. Dean handed me some papers…my discharge papers. I signed them and got up as far as I could. A nurse came in and undid my IVs. James kept his distance from me as if he were already told that I was some sort of monster that none of the team had encountered before. I kept my eyes down as I stood up out of the bed and allowed myself to get dressed, or at least semi-dressed. My eyes dropped down to my lap. Dean smiled as he looked at me. A completely fake smile. It was saying ‘I have to be nice to you otherwise I die here’ kind of smiles. A smile only hunters knew in depth. 

I kept my eyes down as Sam helped me out of bed. His hands were rough around my body but soft. They were feather light around my wounds. But rough in the moments when they needed to be. The two of us were completely soft as we moved down the hallway. I bet I looked like a fucking mess. Actually, I knew I looked like a fucking mess. I had just been through a car crash that literally killed someone. My entire body ached as I looked at Dean. His eyes were a lot harder than what I had ever seen from him. He wanted to put the cuffs back on. I wanted the cuffs back on.

~

Dean placed the cuffs back on me. The cool metal more of a comfort than anything. I felt my eyes drop to them. I felt safe knowing Dean’s disposition around me would soften as well. Sam shook his head as he looked down at the cuffs. He didn’t want them on me. It wasn’t the best thing for me but it made me feel a little bit better. Dean backed away from me and helped me out of the chair. I groaned lightly as I walked out of the diner. Dean held me like I was some sort of prisoner. He didn’t even let ip when I winced. I kept my head down and sighed lightly. The two of us were definitely weren’t on good terms. 

“Come on Dean, you really want to keep those cuffs on Noah,” Sam turned to Dean. “I mean, he really isn’t going to fucking hurt you.”

“It’s fine, Sam. If he thinks that I am a danger to everyone and need these cuffs then we will keep the fucking cuffs on. I don’t give a shit about it anymore,” My eyes darted down to the cuffs and looked at them. They were a bit tight but it didn’t matter. I kept my eyes down on them as I walk down.

Dean and I kept our eyes on the cuffs as Sam opened his mouth, “Dean…Noah…”

“Dean,” I mocked Sam’s voice for a brief moment. “Come on, fuck off. This argument is done already. It’s for Dean’s comfort and safety.” 

“Yeah, and does his safety really matter when there’s a hunter and two other angels here?”

“Yes, yes it does when my own safety wasn’t even a thought when I was a child. I was completely ignored and invisible. Now it’s time for me to help someone feel safe. If that means being cuffed then that means being cuffed.”

Dean walked us to the beach, sitting me down on a ledge as he adjusted the bag on my back before sitting down next to me as well. Sam sat down next to me and sighed, entwining his fingers with my own as we watched the waves come up on the beach. Dean looked at Sam and I, lifting an eyebrow to look at me. My eyes dropped down to my own hands. We were completely tired and looked like fucking shit. 

I knew I was completely tired and was completely beat up. Dean had bags underneath his eyes as if he hadn’t slept in a few days. Sam looked even more tired. He seemed to have spent weeks not sleeping. Cas was an angel but still looked tired as if he hadn’t slept in awhile. James looked just the same. Sam and I locked eyes as I leaned my head against the tall man. He sighed as I squeezed his hand in mine. 

“You have to get out of those cuffs Noah,” Sam whispered in my ear as I kept my eyes on the cuffs. “It’s no help to anyone to be cuffed.”

“Look, I will let him take off the cuffs if we see that bitch Elizabeth considering we haven’t seen her in a few cycles. Where do you think she went?”

Sam shrugged as he leaned back to open up my backpack, yanking out my binder and pulling it into my lap with a grunt. Dean shot his brother a look and sighed. Sam grunted a little bit more as the binder landed on his lap. He flipped through the binder. I kept my eyes down on the binder. Sam carefully went through the binder and looked at me. His eyes drifted over the words. The symbols didn’t show up at all during our last few outings which was a good sign. We would be able to keep her off. Her power would wain and eventually die. Each win for us was a huge loss for her. She would eventually die like this and we could go back to the future. 

“We’re doing really good,” Sam smiled at his brother over my lap. “Maybe looking at Noah is going to give us some clues. See if he can see into the future and give us a leg up on the next death.” 

“Nope, not doing that Sam. We barely know my limits. It could be completely dangerous for me to do this,” I shot a look at him. “I could literally die…and go back to hell. I don’t want to go back to hell Sam. Do you?”

Sam shook his head and let his head drop, “You’re right…but the reward might be more than the risk.” 

“And I can’t risk that Sam. I can’t go back…there are people down there who want me completely gone.” 

Sam looked at me and shifted in his seat, “Okay. So that can’t be apart of the plan…so we have to go to the nonexistent plan B.”

My eyes shifted down to my own lap and took in the information. If I didn’t try to get a more physic link to the other members I would be putting the rest of us at a disadvantage. If I did I could risk going back to hell. A place I didn’t want to go ever again if I could help it. I didn’t want to officially go back to hell but there was no way to say that I wouldn’t just stay up here. I could just have stayed where I was, here on earth.

“Okay,” I sighed. “I’ll do it. I’ll test my limits but only on one condition.”

Sam looked up at me with excitement in his eyes and gripped my hand in his, “And what would that be?”

“If you see me dying, you must try to revive me the best that you can. I don’t want to die and go back to hell if anyone can help it.”

“Okay, I think we can do that,” Sam shot a look a Dean who still didn’t look too happy to be here. “Can’t we.” 

Dean sighed as he looked over at his brother, “Yeah. I guess you can do that.”

“Fine then,” Sam slammed my binder shut and stuck it back into my backpack. “We’ll do this alone. Cas? Do you want to come?”

“No, I think I might stay here with Mr. Grumpy Pants. See if he could come around.”

“How about you James, do you want to come with us,” James shook his head as well and shot me a dirty look. Sam nodded and extended a hand to his brother, “Keys to the handcuffs please.”

Dean sat there for a moment before digging into his pocket and pulling them out and handed them to his brother. Sam took the keys and unlocked me. My wrists were completely bruised and red now. I rubbed them and sighed. Sam helped me up with an arm around my waist. Dean rolled his eyes. His sigh was loud enough that a few people around us shot us a looked at us. 

“Thank you Dean,” Sam looked at me and walked me away from the other three. “I am so sorry about Dean once again. He’s being an angry little bitch.”

“Nah. It’s okay, just really don’t mind anymore as long as he doesn’t try to kill me,” I chuckled and looked at Sam. He smiled and pulled me closer to him. “I mean, he might try to kill me. I don’t know.”

“With what? We have no idea how to kill you. Maybe Cas knows but I don’t think he will give up that secret anytime soon. So maybe don’t piss him off anymore.”

I looked down at my hands and nodded, “Okay. Okay. Noted. Do not piss off Cas…or James.”

Sam nodded, looking me over and held me closer to him as we walked back to the hotel as a start. I looked down at my hands as I opened up the room door. Sam went in and sat on the bed for a few moments before fully laying back. A sigh left his mouth as he looked at me. My own yawn left my mouth as I laid back with Sam. We sat there for a moment before snapping back up. 

“Okay, yours seems to work by touching items from the person who happens to be a member, right,” I nodded. “Okay, so we have to get something from…Alan.”

“Or something that relates to him in some way. The first time I got it, I was holding a poster,” I stopped not wanting to elaborate any more but only knew it would hurt us and myself in the process. “It felt so bad. My whole body felt weak. So damn weak. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t do anything but just focus on the fact that I was dying and dying I was. I couldn’t even. Think to drop the poster at all. It was just…attached to me at that point.”

Sam nodded as he looked at me as he fiddled with his hands. My eyes dropped to his hands as well. He looked down and shifted one of his hands over to my own. He gripped my own hand, giving it a squeeze as I looked down. We didn’t want to move for awhile but we had to. I got up and sulked over to the door. Sam looked at me and kept his eyes on me as I walked out of the room.

I turned back to Sam and waved him out of the room, “Are you coming or not?”

Sam shook his head as he stood up. He walked out of the room after grabbing one of the room keys. Sam wrapped an arm around me and ushered me down the stairs. I kept my hands down by my side a realization washing over me as I looked up at Sam. I wonder if Dean is jealous of how close Sam has been acting with me? Sam smiled as we walked down the streets. My shoes almost turned to liquid underneath me so, I peeled them off and held them at my side.

My feet burned underneath me but it was a lot better than the steering feeling I had in my shoes. I felt my body react to the heat but it was nothing like the heat they felt in my shoes and socks. I tilted my head back and soaked in the sunshine. My eyes moved over my own body as I looked down at my odd walk. Sam acted as a crutch almost to help me walk in a straighter line. He chuckled as I shot him a look enough to silence him. 

“How are you feeling with all of this? I mean, you are the one still taking most of the pain from this.”

“Yeah, I think I am okay with most of this. I don’t know about the whole dying thing but I think I might get used to it over time.”

“But you shouldn’t have to get used to it,” I turned to Sam who still had kindness in his eyes as he looked at me. “Even if you can’t change it all that much. You think that all the times you got sick were the times you ‘felt’ the death residually. Kind of like a loop?”

I perked up as I turned to Sam and stopped in my tracks. Sam stopped as well and looked at me, confusion rushing over his face. I kept my hands down as I looked at Sam, “That could be the explanation. Thanks Sam.”

Sam let out a sigh of relief and chuckled. I started walking again as we moved forward, “No problem Noah.”

“Sam, you really are a genius. You really are,” I smiled at him. Sam blushed as he looked at me.

Sam took my hand and looked out at the ocean with me. I kept my eyes on the water instead on what was in front of me. Sam kept his hand on mine and walked with me. As if he had much of a choice. 

“I don’t know how you are the only one who continuously supports me through this,” I turned to Dean and looked at him. “I would have dropped me because I sounded insane.”

“It’s not as insane as you think. I mean, a lot of people do this kind of shit and still not get called insane.”

I shook my head and looked at Sam, “I guess so. But you have completely supported me.”

“Yeah, you are smart and I trusted you. I mean, your reasoning sounded perfectly sound.”

“Of course, that’s how you’re going to do it if you’re going to present this kind of thing to people who don’t necessarily believe in these kinds of things, you know? Have to use sound reasoning.”

Sam nodded as he looked around, “Okay, okay, now we have to find that Alan guy, right?” 

“Yeah…and I have no idea where the hell he might be. He’s one of the only who’s last location I didn’t really pin down to an exact place,” Sam nodded as he looked at me. “Which was frustrating because I spent hours trying to figure out where the hell he died. I wish I had you around me when I first started researching it.” 

Sam nodded and looked at me when I stopped in my tracks, “Of course. I think I might have helped you a little bit.”

I kept my hand in his and smiled at him, attempting to ruffle his hair but couldn’t exactly do it perfectly, “Good little research moose.”

Sam chuckled and intertwined his hands in mine as he looked at me. We kept walking aimlessly. We had nothing to do and we kept walking with him. He looked me over as I tried to find where we were going to go. Sam smiled at me and looked me over as I kept my eyes down on the sidewalk as bare as ever. I would have gotten a cut by now but hadn’t. I kept my head down on my feet dodging some glass and needles. I wanted to completely be protected but didn’t have time to put my shoes back on. I kept my eyes on Sam as I moved down the walkway. Sam smiled at me and sighed heavily. 

“I feel so bad for you, Noah. I mean, you literally are the only one who can feel the worst pain out of most of us and yet you’re completely okay with it.” 

“Well don’t feel bad. It’s really nothing. I was completely fine with getting hurt before. This is no different.”

“But you’re essentially dying every single time, or almost every single time.”

“Which helps us take down Elizabeth. I don’t actually care about it at all. Just hurts a little bit.”

“If dying to you ‘just hurts a little bit’ then you are stronger than I ever imagined.”

I chuckled, wrapping an arm around him and let hand rest on his waist. Sam smiled and rolled his eyes away from me with a smile on his face as we kept aimlessly walking. He made no attempt to move away from me. I smiled at the man and allowed myself to rest my head an his arm. I kept my head on him and kept walking as well with a slow pace. Sam kept a smile on his face as I looked at him. 

“This is pretty fun all things considered,” I said after a few moments of silence. “We’re going all over…including into some other countries…seeing what the past was like…even if I was fucking terrified until a few incarnations ago.”

Sam chuckled and looked down at me, “That’s one way to think about it. Though I wouldn’t agree with you.”

“You think this is fun, you little nerd.”

“I mean, I think it could be fun but all things considered it wouldn’t be the best of fun or use of my own time.”

“There we go. We got an answer out of the moose,” I looked at Sam as we shambled passed some people who were walking towards us. “I knew you would think this is fun.”

“Awe come on, are you going to make fun of me for even considering that this could be fun?”

A smirk arose on my face which caused Sam to smile and chuckle as well, “I knew it. I fucking knew it.”

We kept walking with our eyes moving across the crowd. It was completely crowed now, the boardwalk. The two of us moved down the boardwalk in hopes of finding who we wanted. I could have sworn that I saw Elizabeth around us. Her face darting in and out go the crowd. Her eyes watching us. Her figure bouncing between the crowd. I kept my head down, shaking it lightly before looking back up. Her figure was gone now. I couldn’t see her any longer. At least, for now. 

Sam pulled me closer to him, shaking me out of my own trance, “You okay Noah?”

“Yeah. I’m okay. I’m fine,” My voice was shaky as I looked into the crowd and scanned it for Elizabeth’s figure once more. “Just a little tired.”

“Want to stop,” Sam’s voice was more concerned now as he looked at me. I shook my head in response. “We can stop if you want. Have you gotten your meds yet?”

“Yeah. Yeah. I’ve been taking them every day like normal. I can’t skip a day otherwise I’ll be in a fuck ton of pain, you know?”

“Not really,” Sam chuckled as he sat me down on the ledge of the boardwalk. “But I think you might hurt me over that.”

“Sam?” I looked up at him as concern washed over his face. He meant down to me, getting at eye level to me. “Why the hell are you so nice to me?”

Sam stepped back, “Because I now know your mom was a piece of shit which is why you were so reserved when I first met you. But before that I just knew that you needed someone. You needed an older male beside your father and your sister’s friends to protect you. You looked so scared…and now you’re much stronger than I had ever thought you could be.” 

I chuckled lightly as I tried to get up from my seat but Sam kept me down. He waited a while before he let me up. I stood up and wrapped my arm back around him. Elizabeth popped in and out of my sight once more as I looked around myself. Sam didn’t even seem to notice the fact that she was here. He kept looking ahead and it was almost as if she were completely a figment of my imagination. I kept my eyes down as I looked at Sam. Sam smiled at me as Elizabeth crossed my vision once more. 

“What’s going on with you Noah,” Sam looked out at me. “It’s like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Because I think I am seeing one right now,” I pointed to the newest position of Elizabeth. “She’s right there.”

“What,” Confusion went over his face as he looked at me. “I don’t see anything.” 

“Well, I am looking at Elizabeth right now but you definitely are not seeing her right now. She’s been in my vision for awhile.”

“Come on, we haven’t seen here in awhile, you know that, right?” Sam bent down a little bit to look into my eyes. I shrugged, the witch having switched positions from when my eyes flicked away from her. 

“But she’s here Sam. She’s really here. I’m seeing her as we speak,” my eyes landed on her in the crowd. “You have to believe me Sam. You’ve believe me before why won’t you believe me now.”

Sam shook his head as I walked away from him and kept my eyes on the woman as I pushed my way through the crowd. She moved like water through a stream, a smirk on her face as she did so. I smiled at the woman and locked eyes with her as I kept my pace. Sam shouted after me but the words feel on deaf ears. I wasn’t about to do anything that would keep my eyes away from her. I kept my eyes on the woman as I kept weaving through the crowd. A large hand gripped my arm and I pulled away as best I could, fingertips still brushing against my skin. 

Elizabeth weaved us into a more secluded part of the boardwalk, into an alleyway. Her body was squeezed between the brick. Her eyes dragged over my as I made my way towards her. I kept my eyes on her, afraid she would disappear as soon as I did so. Sam stomped next to me. His breathing was heavy as if he had been running. I didn’t move my eyes away from Elizabeth. 

“Do you see her now,” My voice was hoarse and tired. I didn’t want to lose the woman we had just chased out. “Please tell me that you see her.”

“Yeah, I see her. You can stop staring like a lunatic now,” Sam turned my attention towards him. Elizabeth was backed against a wall. 

“Okay, okay,” I whispered to myself as wind rushed around us. I turned back to where Elizabeth should have been standing. But she was gone…and so were we. 

I stood in an abandoned something or other. Probably a warehouse. Dirt was caked on the floor. Needles were all around on the ground. My eyes moved over to Elizabeth who had Alan tied up. His head lopped back, the whites of his eyes showing though they might be more red than white. My eyes shifted back yo Elizabeth. I kept my eyes down as I moved away from the sight. Sam held my arms in his grip and effectively keeping me in place as I turned away from the woman. Tears formed in my eyes as I dropped to my knees. My body buckled, feeling completely week underneath me. I couldn’t stand back up at all. Sam tried but I couldn’t stand. 

“Oh, so the theory does work,” Elizabeth sneered as her footsteps echoed across the walls effectively getting closer to me. My eyes rolled back into my head. “You are connected to them. Huh. Wonder how that happened?”

Elizabeth looked a little bit older than I did. She was becoming older. She had lost to us to so many times that she was loosing some of her age. Her hair was greying. Her eyes had no light in them. Her reflexes seemed slower than normal. Her body was aging. Wrinkles on her face. I kept my eyes down as to not look at her. 

“Please,” My words were slurred as I attempted to move forward to no avail. “Don’t you know the damage this is doing to his body?”

“So they give me life and they give you…death. We’re connected you know. As long as I live, you suffer. Though, I don’t know if you had been feeling the effects without me.”

My blood was slowing down…my heart was slowing down. I kept my eyes down. I was to weak to even lift my own eyes. Sam was bent down next to me as I looked up at him. I sighed as I looked down at the dirty floor. The body was weak and I knew there was no way that I would ever get up. As long as Alan was drugged up, I was drugged up. I wouldn’t be able to move. My eyes were down and I couldn’t even see out of one side. 

“What I have felt is none of your goddamn business,” I spat at her. I couldn’t even see her and my blood was already boiling. “I don’t give a shit about what you fucking feel.”

“Oh, but you should though. My life is your death. My love is your hate. My happiness is your sadness.”

“Stop it, stop it. Stop it.” I wanted to scream but my voice was weak. My voice was raspy and hard. It was painful to even just exist. My eyes shifted down to my own body. It was paler than it had ever been. I was grey instead of the pale brown that I normally was.

The footsteps echoed once again. My body became weaker. Sam shuddered next to me and held my own hand in his. He was as terrified as I was. I was going to die here, or at least so I believed. I was going to be one of the people who went to the grave as a hunter. It was what I wanted…or so I believed. But now that I was here, with no way out. Sam would probably be taken away from me and I would die. I didn’t want to die a hunter. I couldn’t die a hunter. It had seemed so heroic when I first started. It still seemed sort of heroic. Taking down the creatures whom I never thought I would meet and that was a noble cause…right? Right?

My vision went blurry…my blood slowed down. My eyes are heavy and my body went even more limp than it had been. My eyes moved to Sam. He was speaking but I didn’t hear him. I kept my eyes locked on Sam as my eyes shut.


	14. Thirteen

“Noah, I am so, so sorry. I never should have called you hell spawn…it was rude to you…and all the history we share. I don’t know what was going through my mind when we found out that you were what you were. I know that you are human in nature even if you weren’t born human. You’re still someone I care for heavily even if you aren’t fully human. It’s going to take me awhile to adjust which sounds selfish as hell considering that you are the one who has to go through this. I don’t know how you’re feeling right now but I don’t you how you’re dealing with this at all. I assume you’re taking this pretty hard by all means. I can’t even imagine how you’re dealing with this whatsoever. I assume you’re internally freaking out. I would too considering what abilities you have. I mean, you are the one continuously dying and coming back to life. I would love to see what’s going on inside your head right now…and when you die. I mean it would be lovely to se-sorry…I’m supposed to be apologizing to you and yet here I am rambling to you. We both know I’m not the best at apologizing to people. So, I’m sorry Noah. I really fucked up. I treated you like the monster I thought you were instead of the person I know you can be.”

I don’t think he knew I could hear him. His voice was wet from tears. I wanted to get up and hug him but I assumed we were in another hospital thanks to Elizabeth’s antics. My eyes fluttered open to the sight I assumed we were going to be in. Dean was the only one sitting next to me. His eyes were red and a bit swollen. He cleared his throat and smiled at me. Dean wiped the tears from his eyes as I looked at the hunter next to me. 

“How am I,” I chuckled as I looked over all of the machines around me. Dean smiled and for once showing me some sort of kindness. I made no attempt to bring up the apology. He was going to take that to the grave and so was I. Neither of us wanted a chick flick moment in a hospital for Christ’s sake. “Are my organs destroyed?”

“Yeah, of course they are. I mean, you were pumped full of drugs. No one knew how your survived. Well, no one besides the people who knew what you could do could tell how you survived.”

“Don’t you find it weird that we haven’t found my limits yet? I mean…I should have some, shouldn’t I?”

Dean shrugged, “I don’t think a soul forged out of hell fire itself has any real limit. You are more powerful than Lucifer himself and I don’t even think that he knows that.”

I nodded and leaned back as the door cracked open to reveal the others. They all carried some food which I assumed came from the lovely cafeteria. I reached out and did grabby hands to the food. Sam chuckled and looked at me as he set some food down right in front of me. A meatball sub and some Coke. I smiled and dug in, not even waiting for the others to start eating. My stomach was completely empty. I kept my own food to myself. Cas shook his head as I scarfed down my own food. I looked at James with mouth full of food and smiled sheepishly. 

Sam shook his head as he finished a bite of his own food, “You are one disgusting human being, aren’t you?” 

I chuckled, “Yeah. I know. I am a disgusting human being and I know it. At least I own up to it unlike Dean over there.”

“Hey! That’s no fair. Sam is just as disgusting as the two of us. He knows it.”

Sam shook his head and placed his food in front of him which was the blankets that covered my legs. I shook my head as well and finished my food in one foul swoop. Dean smiled and gave me a high five as I shifted in my seat and got more comfortable. I could feel my own body shift, my organs and blood being moved unexpectedly to my movement shift. Dean smiled at me as he took my hand. Sam raised an eyebrow, shooting me a look. I shrugged, pretending I didn’t know jack shit, before turning back to Dean. My eyes shot down to the IVs in my hands and arms. 

“So, when do you think I can get out of here? I mean,” I gestured to my body. “I don’t seem to take any damage.”

Cas looked me over, his eyes scanning over me as if checking to make sure my statement was true, “I mean, there is some damage but it seemed to be healing itself.”

I chuckled nervously as I shot a look to teach one of the brothers, “And what damage would that be Cas?” 

“Soul damage, seems to take a hit every single time you die. But it heals itself almost immediately. I don’t even know how that works, but it does. It’s just one of those weird things that can’t be explained.”

I nodded and looked at the angel who didn’t seem to eat, “Soul damage…thought I didn’t have one of those considering that I’m hell spawn.”

“Oh no, you have a soul. It’s just wired a bit differently. Shapeshifting, unnaturally long life, psychic connections to people around you, heightened hearing and strength and a few more that I can’t put my finger on. All of this needs to be trained, of course because you are born with these but you need to train them up before you get to be powerful.”

“What if I don’t want to be powerful Cas? What if I want to stay this way, normal me? Well…as normal as I can be.”

“Oh,” Cas paused. “You’ll want to be powerful demons will come after you and try to strip you of your soul, take it for themselves and get you to come forward and become more powerful themselves. We don’t need an all powerful demon on our case.” 

“So not having powers is a kind of a target and so is having powers? Am I getting that right?”

Cas nodded. I turned to Dean. His head was lowered. His fists were balled, knuckles white. His eyes shifted up to mine and caught mine. I kept my eyes down. When our eyes locked, my stomach churned threatening to spill the contents of my meal out on to the pristine blue sheets. I was powerful. And more powerful than I thought. I kept my hands down at my side. The IVs tugged at my own skin. I almost wanted to throw up my entire body struggling to keep the IVs in. 

A thousand thoughts raced through my own mind. If I was so powerful, then why hadn’t I noticed this earlier? Would I be like this forever? Would I stay stuck in a loop of pain and suffering? Were Sam and Dean terrified of me? I know I would be. No one had seen anything like me. A soul made of hell fire? A soul formed in hell and hell alone? That was something that I couldn’t even think of and yet here I was. I was probably the first of my kind. So there was nothing about me anywhere. At least none that I knew of. I would never for a fact know how to off myself if I get too powerful. Even then, where would I even go? I was too ugly for Heaven. Too monstrous for purgatory. Too full of hell for hell. 

I kept my eyes down as I shifted my body a little bit. I felt too powerless. Even if I wanted to become powerful for my own good, I had no way to die to take precautions against me if I ever wanted to kill them. I wanted to actually have those precautions. I needed those precautions. I didn’t even want to die, I just wanted to be have those incase I did become too powerful. I kept my eyes down and looked at him. 

“Hey, you okay Noah,” Sam placed a hand over my IVs. His face furrowed in worry. 

“No, not really,” I sighed. “The one time I get power, I feel utterly powerless.” 

Sam nodded and looked at the IVs in my hand, “I am sorry. None of us know how to help you.”

I kept my eyes down, nodding as I cleaned up my own mess. Sam kept his eyes down. He looked at me and got some of the trash in front of me. He took it in his hands and moved forward towards the trash can. I kept my eyes down as I kept my hands in my lap. I sighed as I looked at him. His body moved towards us before sitting back down. 

“Please, I need my own limits. I need a way to die, I need it more than I need to get power.”

“We have no way to kill you. We don’t even know how to kill half the monsters we face on sight.”

“I mean, I need a way to die. If I become too powerful then I could kill you all.”

Dean sighed as he rubbed his hands together, “Then we’ll find a way to kill you, okay?”

I nodded and looked down at my hands in my lap. Dean wrapped his hands around my own. A nurse swung open a door. She smiled at the group of us, papers clipped to a clipboard in one hand and a pen in the other. She set the papers on my lap. I waited for her to explain any meds that I would need…but she didn’t. She walked away. 

“Well, okay that was weird,” I turned my attention to the papers, signing them blindly. “Anyways, where were we?”

“Finding a way to kill you,” Sam smiled as I turned to him. I set the papers on the nightstand. 

“Yes, finding a way to off me if I ever get too powerful…which might be a pretty good.”

Cas nodded, “He’s right. What if we ever find someone like Noah who isn’t so nice. He’s completely nice but there could be more out there who are literal hell to deal with.”

Dean nodded as he looked over to me with a smile on his face, “So we find a way to gank the sons of bitches who might actually come up to say hello.”

“Just not me. Well…not yet,” Dean gripped my hand and looked at me. His eyes were soft and full of kindness. “But I don’t think that we’ll have to do that though. I hope.”

~

I kept my head down as we walked out of the hospital, stopping in my tracks. I pulled out my binder and looked who was next. I almost chocked on my spit. Dean came down to me. He placed his hand on my shoulder, “We’re absolutely fucked.”

Dean shot his eyes up to mine and scanned me over, “What? Who are we looking at now?”

“Fuck, this is going to be a hard one,” I shook my head as I put my binder back into the backpack. “Damn.”

Dean placed his hands on my shoulders and shook me a little bit, “Noah, who the hell are we looking at?” 

A sigh left my mouth as I turned my attention to Dean, “Jimi motherfucking Hendrix.”

Dean let a squeal out of his mouth and hugged me close, “No fucking way. No fucking way.”

“Dean, let go of me. If I am going to feel his death I am going to basically choke to death. Also, how the fuck am I going to get in. We don’t have someone here with us to cover us.”

Dean shifted in his seat as he looked at me. I stood up and locked eyes with Sam and Cas. They looked pretty terrified. Dean sighed and looked at me. He hadn’t really even gotten the grasp of what I felt. I looked down at my own hands, slinging my backpack over my shoulders and began to walk down the hallway. 

I kept my eyes down which probably looked suspicious. But I didn’t care at all. I was just trying to figure out how I was going to spend my day. I walked downntohe steps and looked down at my own hands. I was completely tired of having to die, stuck in a loop. Except this loop was unpredictable. I woke up years if not decades later. To a place that I didn’t know. I was going to wake up as I moved forward in time. When and where were always the question on my mind. I kept my eyes down on my feet in front of me. I wanted to stop it all but I hated that I couldn’t do it.

“Dean, do you think I will feel this death or we’ll lose to Elizabeth?” I let my eyes go down to my feet. 

I kept my eyes down as I ket moving down the hallway. Cas was silent along with Sam. We didn’t even talk for awhile. We kept walking, hand in hand almost. Our hands brushed against each other. The three of us were completely done. At least I was. I wanted to just fall asleep and stay asleep forever. My eyes were burning. My body felt like it was dying already and I hadn’t even begun to go about the day. Dean held me close and smiled as I used him as crutch. He seemed perfectly happy. But I was terrified. 

My hands were shaking as I looked around us. People were completely happy. Hippies walked past me yelling something about happiness and love. I kept my head down in hopes that they were going to ignore me. Our bodies moved forward as we weaved through the crowds, making our way to the edge of town. My eyes moved forward to the top of the crowd, eyes scanning to the people facing us. I kept my eyes on a mission as I moved through the crowd. I needed to see who and what I was looking for.

“Stop,” The word was more of a command than anything else but the people kept moving. “Stop!”

The crowd around us froze. I turned to the group and walked backwards. Cas tilted his head as I began to weave my way through the group. I shrugged and moved forward. I kept walking even though no one followed me. I moved and weaved through the crowd. No one seemed to follow me though. But it didn’t bother me much. They would have to follow me eventually. It was in their best interest to do so. 

“How did you…how the fuck did you do that Noah!” Dean called after me, footsteps thudding on the concrete.

I shrugged as I turned to the group that had caught up to me, “I have no clue. I wanted everyone to stop…so they stopped.” Dean took a deep breath as he looked at me, “Okay, time control. Yep. That’s fucking cool, I guess.” 

I shrugged as I turned back around. We had gotten out of the crowd. I moved forward and looked at the crowd, “Move.”

The crowd kept back to life. My dogs turned up, barking and running between my feet as I walked. They would have been nice show dogs if they didn’t look like mutts. Though, now they much resembled black Irish Wolfhounds. They trotted alongside us as I kept my eyes down on them. I moved forward and flagged down a station wagon. 

The man rolled down the window and smiled at me as I leaned down to look at him. He looked me over and smiled up at me, “Want a ride?”

“Yes please, take us as close as possible to Monika Dannemann’s house. Do you know where that is?” 

The man nodded excitedly, “Yeah. She’s my cousin. Why are you visiting her?”

“Actually, we’re here to visit my cousin Jimi, I heard he was in town and I just had to go see him. Hadn’t seen him in a few years, I think.” 

“What a small world. That’s amazing, how are you two related? His mom or dad’s side?”

“Dad’s side,” The man pulled off and smiled. “He’s related on my dad’s side. My dad is his uncle.”

I couldn’t believe that the lie I was using was actually working. Thank god for no internet. Otherwise there would be actual problems. People just believed whatever the hell I told him. Which mades me happy that I was going to just go along with the lie. I kept my head down and smiled at my hands. It was actually working. Don’t know how Dean and Sam did it in our time with their arrest warrants on the table. I kept my eye down on my lap before I looked up at the man driving us.

“That’s awesome. I hope you have a fun time with Jimi. I heard he was a really cool guy.”

“He really is, maybe you should come see him with us,” I offered up the lie dying as soon as it hit the air. “I mean, you should visit your cousin anyways. It’d be fun.”

“I should, shouldn’t I? I guess I will join you,” The man smiled to the rearview mirror. I smiled at the man in mirror and looked at him. “It will be a grand old time.”

I shifted over to lean my head on Sam’s shoulders. I gave him a weak smile before looking at the road ahead of us. It was a long way there but I didn’t care. I just wanted to close my eyes and feel the bumping of the car going along. I kept my head on him. Sam wrapped his arm around me and smiles at me. I kept my eyes down on my lap as I looked at my own hand. I took his hands in mine and I kept my hands in his. Dean shifted in his body over to the window. His eyes were looking out the window and away from me. The aura radiating off of him was cold. I turned to the moose of a man next to me and kept my eyes on him the whole ride there. It was much easier to do so instead of looking at the cold Dean. 

~

I got out of the car and looked up at the house. It was more of an apartment building in shape squashed against the two other buildings that stood next to him. The man got out of the car and stood next to us. He sighed as he placed his hands on his hips as he looked at me. I looked at the man as he moved forward. Dean stood next to me and took my hand in his. Sam did the exact same and shot a look at his brother, straightening in his back a little bit. My eyes shifted to Cas who just shrugged ever so slightly and walked up to the door. 

I didn’t even want to knock on the door. My eyes shot up to the door. My hand trembled. I knew how to knock. Lift hand up, pull it back and let my hand land on the door via gravity. The repeat a few times until someone opened up the door. But, I kept my eyes down as I knocked on the door. My hand was shaking as I pulled away from me. Dean wrapped his arm around my waist as he looked at them. Sam kept his eyes on me with his chest puffing out and his fists balling up. The door swung open and there he stood. 

It was really him. Dean gripped my waist tighter and pulled me closer to him. My jaw almost dropped but then I remembered what I was here for. I smiled up at my supposed ‘cousin’ but his face scrunched up in confusion. I tilted my face towards him, keeping my eyes locked on his and I looked into his eyes. Dean smiled as he kept his arms around me. 

“Hi,” I grabbed his hand and shook it. I was confident in doing so even though Dean was shaking next to me. “How’s it going coz?”

Jimi’s face came out of confusion and pulled me into a hug. I let out a sigh that I hoped that he wouldn’t hear me, “Hey bud. I’m doing great. How’s it going?”

“Good, good. Heard through the grapevine you were in town so I decided to come and see you.” 

Jimi pulled out of the hug and waved me in, “Well come on in, I’m going to have some fun tonight but you’re welcome to come along with me if you want.” 

“Of course, I would love to come along with you,” I smiled at him as I walked into a house that as I kid I would be afraid to touch. Even know I was really afraid to touch it. I stepped in and watched as Jimi pointed to my shoes and I kicked them off. “It would be a fun time with my cousin.”

Dean was still shaking as he looked at the man who was just around the same height as I was. Actually, he was the same height as I was and suddenly I wasn’t so weirded out about my own less-than-six-foot height. I was kept my eyes over to the woman in the room. She was tall and blonde with blue eyes. The ideal woman of the seventies. She wore black trousers and a matching long sleeved turtleneck. I smiled at her warmly as she crossed her arms in front of her. 

She took a few steps forward as she looked us both over, “Who are these people Jimi?” 

I moved back behind the man and looked at the woman as she kept moving forward towards us. Jimi placed a hand out in front of us. I smiled at the woman who was still moving towards us. My eyes dropped to the floor as Dean placed an arm around me. His body was still shaking as he looked at me, placing two fingers under my chin and pushing it up towards to look at him. I smiled at him as I turned back to the real problem. 

“This is my cousin and his associates,” Jimi smiled and stayed as calm and collected as he had always been. “We’re going to have some fun tonight. Show him the good time he is supposed to have.”

Jimi stepped back and took my hand, essentially dragging me up the stairs and looked me in the eyes. His eyes shook back and forth, dragging over my body. His pupils were dilated. His face was pale. He looked sicker then I had seen before. I looked him over as he pressed me against the wall. The pictures rumbled against the wall from the force. 

Jimi looked me over with both his hands on either side of me, “Who are you and what the hell do you want with me?”

“I’m not at liberty to sat anything about that,” Tears formed in my eyes. Damn you fucking emotions, I can’t cry about little fucking things like this. You have to be strong. You have to look strong. “I’m really not at liberty to say.”

Jimi kept pushing me against the wall and looked me into the eyes as a low growl exited his mouth, “Come on, you have to be the media or something. None of my cousins look like you. No one in my immediate family even lives in this area.”

Tears poured out of my eyes, “Please, my boyfriend was a really big fan and I knew where you were through some of my own friends and I brought him here. We were already visiting some actual family and I just wanted to him to see you. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I am so fucking sorry.” 

Jimi stepped back, looking me over and sighed. His hands would probably have had left bruises. I kept my eyes down and looked over my own body. He smiled lightly. His eyes looked over my body. Our eyes moved over each other. I kept my eyes down as I looked at the man. Ours eyes were still scanning over each other. He was more wild and erratic than I had ever had imagined. 

The silence was deafening, “Please let me spend the day with you. It would mean so much to my boyfriend if we could.” 

Jimi sighed and placed a hand on my shoulder as he looked at me, “Yeah, you can spend the day with me. I guess.”

I smiled and looked at Jimi. He smiled lightly as I looked into his eyes, “Thank you so much. It means so much to us.” 

“No problem,” Jimi sighed and walked down the stairs. I rightfully went down the stairs after him. A soft sigh came out of my mouth as I moved down the stairs with him. My eyes were kept down as I moved forward towards the others. I essentially hid behind Sam and Dean. James kept his distance from me and looked me over. His eyes were completely tired. He leaned down and sighed at me as he looked at me. 

James looked me over and moved over me. His eyes dragged over me and I shifted ever so slightly. It was as if I was being looked over by an angel once more. His eyes were perfect. I felt like an ugly piece of shit. He smiled as I moved away from him. Jimi looked at James, eyes dragging over him. 

“That must be your boyfriend,” Jimi smiled and looked at me. “He’s very handsome.”

“Oh no, that’s not my boyfriend,” I gripped Dean’s hand. “This is my boyfriend actually.” 

Jimi’s face screwed in confusion as he looked over Dean. Dean sighed and looked at Jimi. I guess being called ugly by one of his favorite people ever wasn’t exactly a good thing no matter how indirect it was. I chuckled lightly as I looked over at Dean. Dean was absolutely fuming. His face was red and his fist was balled. He locked onto my eyes. His eyes looked me over and he sighed lightly. His fist unballed as he looked me over. He sighed and gave me a soft smile then gave Jimi on as well. 

My eyes drifted up to Jimi and looked at him. He smiled at me. It brought back some memories of my childhood. My grandparents were my age and were growing up in this time. They were the ones who had went through Vietnam. My grandparents on my dad’s side were some of the hippies I had seen today, getting ready to adopt my uncle which was something I knew was probably hard. They were a white couple adopting a black child. They would then go on to adopt a second one, my father. My grandparents on my mom’s side were off in Panama. My grandfather having been drafted into the war. They were also on their way to adopting my other uncle then my mother. 

Jimmy, or maybe even Jimi (I had never figured out the spelling my dad had used), was my nickname as I child. I had never responded to my own name as a child. I remember answering to nonsense or masculine names more often than not. Now I was faced with the man who actually had the name. I looked over Jimi and smiled at him. He had no idea that I had the same name that had been used on me as a child. Jimi smiled at me as he looked me over. His smile was completely nice even if he did seem a bit drugged out. I looked over at Dean who was having a conversation with the woman who we had met earlier. 

“I am so sorry for bursting in Miss…” I trailed off as I looked at her. She smiled and jutted out a hand. 

“Monika Dannemann. Miss Monika Dannemann.” I took her hand and shook it happily. She smiled fakely then turned to Jimi. 

The woman turned to Jimi and kept her smile on her face, “Jimi, may I speak to you for a moment…privately?”

“Yes,” Jimi smiled at Monika then moved with her into another room all while motioning for the both of us to sit down. I smiled at the two of them then sat down. 

I kept my eyes down on the floor. It felt so odd sitting here. I was completely tied to my own spot. I kept my eyes down on the floor. I didn’t want to move in fear of breaking something. Dean placed his hands on my thighs. Sam straightened up on instinct. A breath came out of his nose as he looked at the two of us. I kept my eyes on my lap, moving a little bit towards Dean. Dean smiled and looked at me, lifting my chin up and placing a kiss on my cheek. I froze in my spot. Sam clutched his fist, his eyes moved over to me and looked at me. All I could so was shrug as I looked at him. 

Monika’s voice was growing louder and louder. I kept my eyes down on my lap. It was awkward since I had never heard yelling until Dean confronted my asshole of a mom. He went off on her one night after her boyfriend had gotten there after I had explicitly told him not to come over. I swear Dean was going to beat her up but he didn’t. He chewed her out and she never even listened to him. I was an invisible to the woman who was supposed to care for me. I was scared for myself. Even if Monika wasn’t even yelling at me. She was yelling at Jimi and I was scared for him. I was afraid for myself. I was afraid to even get up. I wanted to get up and help out Jimi. I was completely terrified for him. 

Sam took my hand in his and gripped it. His eyes moved down to mine as he held my hands. Dean shot his brother a look, “What the hell are you doing?”

“I’m holding Noah’s hands? He looks terrified and I wanted to comfort him.”

Dean looked at me, eyes trailing down to my hands. They shook. I wasn’t even aware of the shaking but they were. I kept shaking. I couldn’t stop it. I was just shaking. My entire body was completely shaken. Sam wrapped his arm around my body and pulled me closer to him. I smiled at the Sam as he looked at me. He kissed the top of my head and kept his arm around me.

Monika walked back around the corner, arms still crossed with her eyes scanning the room, “All of you, out. Now.”

I shot up and moved out of the house, head down and tail between my legs. Dean moved behind me. Sam, Cas and James followed close behind me. I kept my eyes down as we stood in front of the house. I leaned my head on Sam’s shoulder. He kissed my forehead. My eyes looked over the house. I kept my eyes on the house as I moved forward and away from the house. There was nothing I could do to help Jimi now. It was useless to even think that we could help. Sam kept his arm around me as we walked down the street. My eyes went down to the ground in front of me. 

Footsteps ran up to us, “Wait! Come on guys! I thought we were going to have a good time today?”

I turned to face the voice, “You actually want to spend some time with people who lied to you?”

Jimi placed his hands on his hips, “Lied? I thought you only lied the one time? Or did you lie to me twice?” 

“Maybe I lied to you twice. I mean…Dean is my boyfriend and he is a huge fan but uhhh…” I pulled him into an alleyway. “We hunt monsters.”

Jimi tilted his head to the side, hair almost staying completely in place, “You do what now?”

“We uhhh…we hunt monsters. Angels, demons, the monsters you used to think were fake, the things you might see while high…”

“So that’s all real,” Jimi tilted his head back. “I knew it had to be. I mean, it just had to be.”

“You’re oddly calm about this. Normally people freak out about this shit.”

“I mean, it’s not out of the realm of possibility. Have you ever seen anything cool? Will I see anything cool?”

I pointed to James and Cas. James’ wings stretching out ever so slightly, “Those two guys over there are angels. But they’re not really cool to be honest. Once you see one angel, you’ve seen them all. It doesn’t really matter to me anymore. I’ve seen gods.”

Jimi stumbled back and looked at me, “T-t-those are angels. H-h-how? Shouldn’t they be huge?”

“They are, but seeing them in their true form will burn our eyes out. They inhabit normal people like us and use them as vessels. It’s an honor to be selected to be the host of an angel if you believe in that kind of stuff.”

Jimi nodded and moved down the alleyway with me, “So you’ve seen gods? Like legit gods. As in more than one?”

“Yeah, if each religion has come from someone seeing something then all gods are real. But I have met the Christian/Catholic God with a capital g.”

Jimi shot me a look, stopping in his tracks to look at me, “Is he a good guy to be around?”

“Yeah, he was really chill. A lot like you almost. I really miss him,” I remembered Chuck ever so slightly then kept moving towards the others. “He was a good guy,”

Sam lifted his head and looked at me, “Telling him about Chuck, aren’t you?”

I nodded, pulling a picture of the man out of my back pocket and handed it to Jimi. He smiled as he looked over the picture. The edges were worn and it had been folded many times. Rays of sun made a glow around Chuck. He was smiling for once. He wasn’t worried or frowning. We were at my college graduation and had packed a picnic for the occasion. I hadn’t known he was God when I met him. He had taken me under his wing as a creative writing major and helped me develop my skills even if I had never published anything. Once Sam and Dean had informed me that I was working under God, it hadn’t changed a thing. We were still working together. It was one of the last pictures I had of him and it was one of the only times I had seen him. 

“He’s very handsome,” Jimi handed the photo back to me. “I hope he’s doing okay.”

“He’s…dead? Gone? Magically disappeared? I don’t know but he’s not with us anymore.”

Jimi nodded sadly and looked down at the picture in my hands. I rubbed the edges. It was hard to even look at Chuck. He wasn’t like a brother to me like Sam and Dean were. He was more of a second father to me. He was someone I had confided in over the four or five years I had known him. He was the only person who knew almost everything about me. If he could see the hell in my soul, he didn’t mention it. He treated me not like damaged goods or an invisible human, I was just a normal person to him. From the day we met until the day he left us, I was always just a human to him. I was a human being to him. 

~

“Come on Noah, do you want to watch the eclipse or not?” Chuck called up the stairs. I ran out of my room and down the stairs, backpack on my shoulders. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m ready,” I adjusted the straps as I moved next to him. I coughed, my chest still aching from the recent surgery. “Ow.”

Chuck placed a kiss on my temple,“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

“I’ve been waiting for this forever. I’m not letting a little pain get in the way of me seeing this eclipse.”

Chuck pointed to a cup of water and some pills, “Okay, okay, take some pain pills then we’ll go.”

~

My head pounded but I didn’t even notice it that much anymore. I put the picture back into my pocket, the sun setting around us, “Okay, let’s go. We’ve got a lot to do tonight. Mainly, keep you safe Mr. Hendrix.”

Jimi smiled as he moved down the street with us. His eyes were glowing in the last rays of sunlight. He smiled at us. All carefree. He danced almost as he walked down the street. His strides were long. The flared pants dancing around his ankles almost as if he were wearing a skirt and showing a bit of skin. My eyes darted to James who was actually smiling for once. My eyes darted back to the man in front of us. His smile was still large. It was as if we hadn’t even told him anything. He looked me over and gripped my hands. He spun me around with a smile on his face. He had no idea what was going to happen to him tonight. He was going to die but telling him that would just ruin the mood. We were going to have fun to tonight. No death would come between that. We were going to let loose and head downtown.

I moved down the street with Jimi as I held his hands. I smiled at him as we held hands. My eyes drifted to his as we moved downtime street. My eyes moved over the man as we moved down the street. I smiled at the an as we kept walking. Our hands were intertwined and I was a lot happier than Dean. Dean was supposed to be the fan. But he was behind us. My eyes drifted to Dean who smiled fakely at me. My eyes looked down at my feet. 

Jimi smiled as he looked at Dean. He took Dean’s hands and spun around with him. Dean smiled a little bit and giggled. My eyes were on the two as they moved down the street. We were nearly downtown right now. My eyes were becoming completely heavy. Our eyes moved over to the two who weren’t so happy to be here. Only seemed to be Dean and I. My eyes drifted over to Dean. He looked more so happy now that I looked at him. 

Dean leaned over and whispered in my ear as he looked at me, “This is awesome.”

“You would have never met him without me,” I whispered nail as I stood next to him. 

“Of course I wouldn’t, an I thank you for that,” Dean smiled at me and looked down at his own hands that were intertwined with Jimi’s still.

~

We were sweating. Bodies were around us. We danced. The music vibrated our bodies. My lungs and heart moved to the beat of the music. I wasn’t the one moving them anymore. It was the music. Dean pressed his body against mine. My hair was down for once, let down by some woman at the bar. Dean giggled as he looked me over, my hair bouncing into his eyes and face. I turned to him, keeping in time with the music. My eyes locked with his. Our bodies moved together. 

Dean touched my arms, pulling me closer to him with our eyes still locked to each other. His smell was still the same. Apple pie and gun powder with a hint of whiskey. I moved towards him a little bit more, closing the gap between us. Our eyes were still locked on each other. The music thumped in my chest moving energy throughout our bodies. I kept my eyes locked on him as I moved with Dean in almost perfect synchronization. 

My knees buckled. My eyes watered. I coughed. Then I coughed again. I kept coughing. My eyes shifted up to Dean. I couldn’t stop coughing. My lungs burned. Acid claimed up my throat. My throat tightened. I dropped. No one seemed to care that I was practically dying. Dean wrapped his arms around me and picked me up, he held me close to his chest. He pulled me closer to him and yanked me back into a bathroom. 

“Come on, we’re not doing this again,” Dean placed some fingers into my throat, forcing to me to gag. A little bit came up. “We’re not dying today.” 

I felt my airways seize up as my body moved towards the ground, the only thing keeping me up being Dean. Dean dragged me into a stall, leaning me over the toilet bowl. I kept my eyes on the water in front of me. My eyes shifted to Dean as my coughing only got worse. Acid caught in my chest. My eyes rolled back into my head. I put my eyes back down as acid threatened to come out of my throat. Dean placed a hand on my back as he rubbed it. My throat closed, a had moving to grip my throat as I looked at him. I pulled away from the toilet and looked at him.

Dean’s eyes went blank as I looked at him. He looked at me with now dark eyes drifting over me as I looked into his eyes as I slinked into the corner of the room. I kept my eyes locked on his as I coughed. My eyes watered as I looked at him. I kept coughing. I couldn’t get in a good breath. I closed my eyes never actually shifted a little bit in my seat as I looked at him as much as I could before I moved down. My soul sunk into the floor.


	15. Fourteen

My eyes opened back up. I could move my eyes for once. My body was locked back into a hospital bed. Tears went down my cheeks as I looked at up at the ceiling. A warm, rough hand was wrapped around my hand. I was ready to shoot up out of my own bed but my arms and legs were tied down. My eyes darted around the room. It hadn’t even looked like anything had changed. Sniffles and beeping. My eyes darted to Dean sitting next to me. He was the one sniffling. His eyes were red. He looked at me as his eyes brightened up a little bit as he smiled at me. 

I blinked a little bit as my adjusted to the light around me, “Hey Noah, how’s it going?” 

“I don’t…I don’t know…I died again didn’t I?” My throat burned with every word I spoke. 

“Yeah,” Dean sniffled a little bit more. His voice was wet as if he had been crying forever. “You died again but luckily I was there to help you.”

“Dean was a lifesaver. We ran into Elizabeth on the way out…she looked pretty bad. She was dying.”

“So we’re getting closer. That’s good. We can get her off in a few more turns…right?”

“Yeah, it would be a few more turns until she dies but she will die soon. At least I hope she’ll die soon. This is when she picks up…right?”

“Yeah. She picks up soon. She picks up now. Binder me,” I stuck out my hands and wiggled them in front of me. Dean pulled the binder out of my torn bag, handing it to me. “Thank you.”

The pages felt so good underneath my fingers. I turned to the pages after Jimi. His autopsy showing no sign go Elizabeth’s interfering. I kept my eyes on the date in the book. My body froze a bit as I looked over to Sam. Our phones wouldn’t work here. But he probably knew the date. 

“Sam…please tell me it isn’t October yet…” I kept my eyes on Sam as his eyes darted to Cas. 

“Cas, you might want to answer that question. You can’t physically die…can you?”

Cas sighed as he looked at me, “Today is October fourth if that helps anything.”

“That means Janis is already dead. We’re a day late,” I turned to her autopsy report with no signs of meddling. “At least there is no sign of meddling from Elizabeth.” 

“That means you took the death while recovering from another one?” Dean tilted his head to the side and looked at me. I nodded.

My eyes went down to the binder. Dean kept his eyes on my hand. His rubbed my hands and smiled. He was still crying. He didn’t even stop I don’t think. There were small pauses when he I don’t think that he was focusing on me. But he was definitely still crying. A few tears landed on my hands. My eyes darted to him as he looked up at me. He smiled up at me, eyes moving over me as he wiped his tears from his eyes and kissed my hand. I smiled at him and gripped his hand.

“I guess I did,” I looked at Dean with my eyes locked on his. “But I hope I don’t do that again. How do we get into her autopsy?”

“Shouldn’t it already be done by know? It should have been an open and shut case. Like…it was an overdose, wasn’t it?”

My eyes went down to my lap, “I guess you’re right. She was cremated…ashes spread out into the ocean.”

Sam nodded and leaned back. His eyes moved up to me. My eyes shifted to his. Sam smiled weakly. I shifted my eyes back to Dean. He was still crying. He moved a little bit. I moved to the side he was on. Dean weakly smiled at me as well. His eyes were completely tired. Swollen, red and very tired. I moved little bit in my seat. He smiled a bit more as he went over to me. James stood and walked away from me. His eyes were on me the whole time. 

Dean shot a look at me then at Cas, “So what the hell are we supposed to do now?”

“Talk to a few people. See what the hell happened. See if anyone is with her when she was died?”

“I mean, that could be a good idea,” Sam shrugged and looked at me. “See what the hell would happen after.”

Cas stood up and adjusted his tie, “We should go. We have nothing to do here as long as Miss Joplin is dead.” 

“Come on, please let me interview someone from her team. I haven’t done any interviews yet and that’s at least half the job.”

Cas sighed as Dean dragged him back down to a normal level. He leaned forward and whispered into his ear. I looked at Cas’ face. It twisted a little bit then relaxed as I moved in my bed. I let my eyes scan the room. My eyes moved around as I looked at the white, white and more white. The white lights almost blinded me. They were super white. I kept my eyes on them as I moved in my bed. It was the only thing I could comfortably look at without much eye strain. My eyes darted to Dean as he looked at me. His eyes were a bit sad. 

Cas sighed once more as his eyes dropped down to his lap, “Fine, we can stay a little bit longer but only by a few days, okay?”

“Thank you Cas, thank you so much.” I wanted to hug him but he was too far away and I had IVs in my arms. My body hurt a little bit but nothing further than what I had ever been before. My eyes went over to Cas, smiling him. 

“I mean, how else would you get out of here if I didn’t help you a little bit?” 

“Guess you’re right,” I smiled at Cas. “Thanks for being our little tour guide.”

“I think Cas is more of our bus in this situation and you are our tour guide.” 

“I mean, you are a little right about that,” I smiled as I looked at Cas, his eyes were squinted, a bit of his hooded eyes covering his baby blues. “But Cas is still a vital part of our mission. Just as much as you are Dean.” 

Dean raised his hands up and smiled at me, “You’re right, you’re right. Of course.”

~

My arms were swinging by my side as I walked down the street with Sam on one side of me and the other side of me. One hand was in Dean’s and the other was in Sam’s hands. James trailed behind me and Cas was in front of us. My eyes drifted around us. My eyes were on every face in case one of them wanted to test me or if I wanted to test them. Everyone looked pretty decent right now. No one looked too suspicious but that didn’t mean that they weren’t. 

“Who we go to first,” Dean turned towards me, eyes locked on me. “Crew? Family? Friends?”

“I say we go to the crew and any houseworkers first. Pretty invisible and can see everything. You know how it was. Dickie Pride, remember? We could see everything from a few spots and we heard everything as well. We are going to have to see if anyone is willing to talk to us. They might be a little shaken up about it and all considering their employer just died.” 

“Crew and houseworkers first. Okay,” Sam shot a look at Cas who hd turned around to face us. “Why don’t Cas and I go to the coroners while the rest of you go to Janis’ house?”

I nodded, shooing the two of them off and letting them walk down the street. My eyes trailed to the two as they walked away from us. I inhaled the warm California air, taking in the sunlight and looking around. My eyes went over the crowd as I looked at the other two who were left with me. James had his arms crossed in front of him. His eyes were full of unbridled rage. I shot a look to Dean who shrugged a little bit as I turned to keep walking.

Dean leaned in and whispered into my ear, “Do you have any idea where the hell you’re going?”

“I have no fucking clue but whatever, James doesn’t have to know that I have no fucking idea where he hell I’m going.”

Dean chuckled and wiggled his fingers in front of his face, “Is there this pull you have this pull to just go where you’re going?”

“Nah dude,” I punched him lightly in the arm as I looked at him. Dean groaned lightly and smiled at me all the while. “I am not that much of a powerful of a person.” 

“You’re more powerful than me and we both know that much,” Dean smiled at me once more. “You are essentially a god.”

I chuckled, looking at Dean, “So what? I’m Hades now?” 

“That you are,” Dean grabbed my hand and smiled. “Can we legally change your name to Hades now?”

“No, no we can’t Dean,” Dean’s eyes twinkled with trouble as he looked at me. “No. Don't even think about it Dean. We are not going to do that.” 

“Come on, it would be great,” Dean tried to convince me. “It would be freaking fun.”

“No, we are not changing my name to Hades,” Dean looked at me, eyes drifting over me. “No.”

“Just a middle name is all I want,” Dean giggled. “Come on, just one little name.”

I kept my eyes on Dean as I looked at him, “No. Never. No. Never a name. We are not changing my middle name.” 

“No, no,” I giggled and looked at him. He smiled as he chuckled a bit, shaking his head.

“Come on, it would have been super funny,” Dean smiled at me as I kept walking down the street as I looked at him. His eyes sparkled as he held my hands. “Noah Hades Hudson.”

“I prefer Andrew Hudson a lot better. Has a ring to it,” I tilted my head, smiling at him as I kept my eyes on Dean. Dean looked at me, hand intertwined with mine and swinging it back and forth between the two of me.

“It kind of does,” Dean smiled at me, looking me over as we kept walking down the street with me. “But I think Noah Andrew Winchester has a better ring to it.” 

“It does Dean,” Dean smiled at me and kissed my hand as I moved down the street. My eyes moving over the faces. I kept my eyes on the faces around me. It was all too much. Everyone was around me. “But I would like to keep Hudson. At least for now.”

~

“Hi,” I lifted a badge up to the face of a woman in a light blue maid’s outfit. “FBI. We’re here to talk to you about your former employer Miss Janis Joplin.” 

“I don’t know anything about her. I don’t think I could help,” The woman paused. “What does the FBI want with her death anyways. Thought it was supposed to be an open and shut case.”

“We thought so too, problem is we think the herion she took was laced with something. Connected it to the Hendrix death a few weeks ago. Have you seen anyone suspicious around here in the weeks leading up to her death?”

The maid set down her cleaner and paper towels, “I don’t know. It was a different guy every time coming in here to give her the stuff. Couldn’t recognize any faces.”

“There wasn’t a pattern or anything? Nothing to prove that she was ordering from the same people?”

The woman shrugged and sat down at the kitchen table, gesturing for us to do the same. Dean sat down. Then I sat down. My eyes drifted to James who adjusted his tie. The suit was a little tight on him. I wasn’t as muscular as he was. The suit I wore was a spare one of Dean’s and it was a little big on me. She shifted her eyes to a corner of the room. I took a look up and gestured my chin towards the corner of the room.

“Is something up there? A bug,” I dragged a chair over to the corner of the room and listened in, a small hum coming from inside the wall. “That’s why you’re so silent.” 

Dean stood up as I dragged my own chair back. Dean smiled sheepishly at me as I looked at him as well. He smiled as we took the maid outside. She was shaking a little bit as I smiled at her. I reached out and rubbed her arm. She smiled at me. It must have been a little intimidating. The three of us, all men, in black suits interrogating her about her former employer who had only just died a day earlier. I smiled kindly in hopes to relax her but she kept shaking. 

“You’re going to be okay, everything is going to be fine,” I held her shoulder in mine. “So did anyone familiar come into the house in the days leading up to her death?”

The maid shifted a little bit on her feet, “Yeah. A woman. She came in once a few days before her death then once again yesterday. But she didn’t look like she ran in Miss Joplin’s crowd. She was much older than Miss Joplin, maybe by thirty years.”

Dean shot me a look, “Did she change in appearance at all when she came back down?”

“No change in appearance,” She looked between the three of us. “Is that of any importance to you?”

“Yes, please describe her in detail for us please,” The maid looked me over and relaxed a little bit. 

“She was dark haired with these striking eyes. They were completely blue…ice blue. Tall and lanky…I don’t remember much else.”

I turned to my heel and smiled at her over my shoulder as I kept walking down the hallway, “Thank you so much.”

“N-no problem,” She paused. “If you need anything else don’t be afraid to find me again. My name is Scarlet Honey.”

Dean chuckled and whispered into my ear, “Scarlet Honey…think she’s a stripper in her free time?” 

“Shut up Dean,” I knocked him on the side and looked at him. “We’ve got better things to do than just laugh at someone’s name.”

Dean rolled his eyes and looked at me, running into me a little bit as I smiled at him. James shifted in his spot a little bit as I moved around the house. I wanted to look around a little bit more but couldn’t. We might get kicked out of the house. I walked up the stairs a little bit, looking at the rooms around us. I rolled my eyes a little bit at all of the doors. I moved to one of the rooms, opening it up. 

I walked inside and looked around. It was a room that didn’t even look like it had been touched in awhile. Dust was everywhere. I moved around. I didn’t want to move anything. Even if it looked like no one was here maybe someone was going to walk in and see that we had moved something around. My eyes moved around. I kept my eyes down as I moved around. I didn’t want to move anything around. It was all too pristine. It was all too nice. It was all too perfect. It was way too much. I turned to the other side and took it all in. 

A light pink room faced me. A smaller bed sat in the corner of the room. Teddy bears and stuffed animals were all around me. It was a nice room. I would have wanted it if I liked pink. It was the perfect place for a little kid. Who was this for? I don’t remember her having any kids. I went in further and touched the bed. It shifted under the weight of my hand. I peeled my hands back and turned away from the bed. Dean stood in the doorway, shooting me a look as I looked him over and walked back to him.

My eyes drifted over to him and smiled at him. He wrapped an arm around my waist and smiled at me. A smile went over my face as I looked him in the eyes. He leaned down and kissed me on the cheek. A heat ran up to my cheeks as he pulled away from me. I smiled at him. His eyes drifted over me and held me close to him. His eyes moved over me as I looked up at him. A lot of goddamn staring for anyone who walked passed us. A chuckle left my mouth as I looked at him once more. It was becoming awkward now. He pulled me closer to him and kissed me on the other cheek. Another heat crept up to my cheeks as I looked at him. His eyes were still on mine as he looked me over. 

“Makes me think of Jack,” Dean teared up and looked at me with tears threatening to spill out of his eyes. “I miss him.”

I pulled him into a hug. He held me close, hugging my body closer to his as he sniffled a little bit. Dean and I sat there for a little bit. Our bodies were closer than I think might have been acceptable for some FBI agents. A knock on the wooden door snapped us out of it. I yanked my body away from Dean and smiled at the maid, walking down the stairs with my tail between my legs. Dean did a little bit of movement away from me as we walked out of the door. 

Dean looked at me and smiled at me as we finally got out of the house. I kept my eyes on my wounds. My body was banged up and bruised. A lot more than I had ever expected. My eyes darted up to James who was waiting outside of the house with tired eyes. He moved forward a little bit not speaking. His wings extended-still smoldering-towards me and looked me over. His eyes moved down to the marks on my body. I straightened my back and moved forward. Dean followed me, not too far away from me, and James was following close behind us as well. 

“So that went well,” I turned to James. “Do you think we can get into one of those security videos? Or the bugs?” 

James shrugged, “Think she had them around the whole house or just in one room?”

“She had a bug in her kitchen for crying out loud, I would assume she had more than in just one bug in one room,” I paused as I replayed the conversation in my head. “The maid was terrified. She was super terrified. I mean…there had to have been more in the house. This is only a few weeks after Jimi died and she was most likely hopped up on drugs for most of the time. Don’t to drag her name through the mud but if she was already using then someone she worked with and knew probably really well died then I assume she would have just been dragged off even more into the darkness.” 

~

“Here, we found this on Janis’ person…it was in her affects and addressed…to someone. I couldn’t make out the name but it night reveal something.”

Sam handed me a piece of paper. His eyes on my hands as I pulled back away from him. I took the paper and held it, twisting it back and forth. It looked important but hastily written all the same. My eyes went down to the paper. Notebook paper with an elegant seal. I chuckled. Whoever had done this obviously wanted to put a dramatic flare on a little letter. I didn’t even want to break the seal. It was a pair of drumsticks crossed in front of an electric guitar.

My hands touched the black seal and peeled it off. It didn’t shatter in my hands like I had expected. I smiled at the seal in my hand. My eyes widened as I set it down on the table with care. I sat down at the table as my hands shook. Whoever this was addressed to was important. Janis took her last moments to write this. It was someone who was in the last thoughts of her mind until she died. I shrunk back and opened up the letter. The air around us heavy. 

Dear Noah Hudson,

I am writing this letter clear of mind and sound of heart. Well, as clear of mind and of sound of heart that I can be for someone who hasn’t had their daily dose of illegal drugs yet. First thing in the morning before I get hit too badly. The new stuff I got just happens to be some of the greatest from what others have told me. I want to address you rather than writing anything else. Not a song nor another lyric until I address you. If I don’t it will bother me for the rest of time which is only a few hours by the looks of it. 

Before you ask, yes I know who you are and this letter is addressed correctly. You are one of the most important figureheads in my time. We are expecting you. We want to keep you safe and sound. That witch bitch Elizabeth is making me uneasy for the rest of my own friends. We know we are going to die. We have gotten premonitions of this kind of thing. That’s why we make the statements that we do. We are going to die and there is no way to stop it. 

I thank you though for taking my death in stride as I know you will. Others will not be so fortunate as to let you take the death for them. I am happy to have my death taken by you. My heart will join you in hell, if that’s where we’re going as I assume all rockstars go to hell. We were all kind of damned when that man sold his soul to the devil. It had been written that it was going to happen and I hope my hell isn’t too bad though. Personal hells are a thing, are they?

Anyway, I’m rambling aren’t I? I only have a few hours left of happy living bliss before I die. Might as well make the most of it getting high after I deliver unto you some knowledge. I am in a little bit of a pickle here all things considered. If I tell you too much then I risk this getting into Elizabeth’s hands and her getting this information. So what I’ll say is: go to Stevie Nicks. She will help you. Her words will heal you and help you through this trying time. 

Janis Joplin

I closed the letter and looked straight up at Sam. His eyes burrowed deep into mine as he looked at me. His eyes went over me as he stepped closer. I held the piece of paper closer to my chest. Dean shot me a look. His eyes on the paper that was held to my chest and sat down next to me. My eyes drifting up to his. Dean wrapped a hand around mine and pulled it away from the paper I had clutched to my chest. 

“Stevie Nicks,” I shook a little bit as I turned my attention to Cas and James. “We need to find Stevie Nicks.”

~

Dean gripped my hand as we sat on the couch of the woman I had met only a few moments prior. She floated around the room what seems like. She moved slowly as she turned back to us, waving the incense smoke around the room. My eyes followed her. Her eyes were on mine as she elegantly sat down in a chair right across from me. Her lips were parted ever so slightly as she drifted her eyes over the papers laid out in front of her. She looked like a fae and yet she was standing right in front of us.

Long blonde hair cascaded past her shoulders by about an inch. Her eyes were dark yet held a lot of light behind them. She was light and airy almost as if she were lighter than air itself. She wore what looked like a scarf tied around her upper body. She wore another scarf like fabric around her waist in a skirt. The top was white and her bottoms were colorful. She had a shall around her shoulders. Her smile was wide.

Stevie leaned forward, “Well then, speak you two. I can’t help you if you don’t speak up.”

“My name is Noah Hudson and this is my associate Dean Winchester. He’s a hunter,” Stevie jumped back, shooting him a look. “He won’t kill you, I promise. He doesn’t kill anyone who’s nice to him. Right Dean?”

Dean took a moment as he looked over at me, I squeezed his thigh a little too aggressively and a whimper fell out of his mouth before he answered, “Yes. I’m sorry. I don’t kill anyone who is nice to me. It just isn’t my style.” 

“Yes, so you are the-and pardon my French here-hell spawn who has a bit of a problem with his powers? Or their powers? Her powers?”

“‘Their powers’ are just fine,” I smiled at Stevie as she leaned back into her chair. 

“Good, I never want to assume anything at all,” Stevie picked up a paper and looked over the scrawling of angel text, musing over them as if she could read them. 

Dean leaned in and whispered in my ear, “When the hell did you start using they pronouns or am I dumb?”

“You’re not dumb,” I whispered back as I looked him in the eyes. “I haven’t told you about it…started thinking about it before the whole thing started but uhhh…never had the chance to tell you because of this whole mess. Now doesn’t seem to be the best of times either, don’t you think?”

Stevie leaned forward once more, “So, Castiel has sent you to come get a little bit of cleansing, has he?”

I shifted a bit in my seat as I looked at her, “Well yes, but I don't know what the hell the cleansing might entail…”

Stevie nodded as she leaned back. She set the letter on the table and looked me over. She wasn’t nessicarily looking at me but almost through me. Her eyes burrowed deeper than any normal look had. She was looking into my soul it seemed like but only angels could do that. Only angels could see into people’s souls. If she could see into my soul…maybe then I would get a straight answer about what I am and what might I be able to do.

“You are a hell spawn, aren’t you?” Stevie stood and moved around us. My back tensed and straightened me up a little bit. 

“Thank you for reaffirming that unfortunate bit,” I leaned my head back and smiled at her, my voice dripping with sarcasm. 

“Sorry sweetie but you don’t have a soul to speak of as far as my eye can see and from what Cas has said I don’t think you ever will.” 

I kept my eyes on my lap. I couldn’t read the words Cas had actually written on the page hastily and handed to me before we left. I don’t think Dean could either. Stevie could be lying straight to our faces and we wouldn’t even know it. We were both going to be under the influence of her. My eyes drifted to the pages though in a vain attempt to read the words on the pages. I kept my eyes on the characters in front of me. I tried to read the words but there was nothing I could do to read them.

“But I think I can heal a little bit of the pain that might be caused by having hellfire in your soul,” Stevie walked back in front of me and smiled. “Would you like that?” 

I nodded, “I would love that. No matter the consequences…which are what exactly?”

“You’re going to be more limited. You could take more damage now that you have agree to have your soul healed. You can also become a lot stronger.” 

Dean leaned forward and shot Stevie a look, “How would that even be possible?”

Stevie floated over to a few crystals on an alter. My eyes drifted to her’s as she turned holding obsidian in her hands. One of the most beautiful stones I had ever seen. It was shaped like a dragon egg…if I had ever seen a dragon egg before. But I knew it’s name. I had only seen one in shows before. I turned to look at Stevie in the eyes. 

“Oh, we’re serious about this now aren’t we,” Stevie set the stone down in front of me. “Cas told me you tended to avoid eye contact unless you were around Dean. The only man who had ever given you any confidence. Which I don’t think is a good idea. But seeing you look into my eyes lets me know that you mean business.” 

Dean blinked a few times as his body went back a little bit. My eyes shot to her’s. I felt a little offended. My eyes went to Dean’s and I could tell he was feeling the same exact thing. Dean moved a little bit in his seat. Stevie sat down next to me and wrapped an arm around me. She pulled me closer to her and started singing in my ear. I almost fell asleep right then and there. My eyes drifted down to my lap as my body shifted back and forth. Dean placed his hands on my body and pulled me into a little bit of a locked position. 

“Stevie, I really love the music and all but what the hell are you doing to Noah?” 

Dean looked at me then at Stevie. My body was still swaying. Stevie was still singing. I moved back and forth even though Dean had kept me locked in my position. A deep vibration formed in my chest. A deep moment rumbled through my chest up to my heart. My body moved a little bit as I looked at him. Dean was shooting his eyes to woman. The vibration kept moving through my heart. I couldn’t tell if Dean could do anything or feel what was going on with me. My vision blurred. I kept my eyes on Stevie as if our eyes had been locked together.

I don’t know when I woke up but I woke up. Dean was snoring behind me, the vibrations moving through his chest into my own. Sun peaked through the windows. My eyes moved around the room shrouded in candle light. The whole room was pink and orange due to the lighting. My eyes moved over to Stevie who was awake in a chair. She smiled and drifted over to me, placing a hand on my knee. 

“Come with me,” She turned on her heel and walked out of the room. I froze for a moment not sure if I should follow her or not. I rubbed my eyes and stood up. I kept my eyes on the spot where she had disappeared to then stood up.

I followed the woman out of the room and into the kitchen. Stevie was already pulling a few things out of the fridge. She smiled at me with eyes full of a few tears. She wiped them as she moved around the room with grace. I kept my eyes on her. She really moved around the room with grace. I don’t even think she was even walking. My eyes dropped to her feet…more so the hem of her skirt and tried to focus on the small space between the ground and the hem. I kept my eyes down on the skirt. It was lifting up a little bit. Her feet were in fact not touching the ground. 

“I get the stares a lot. It takes just a lot to even keep my feet on the ground.”

I tilted my head to the side and looked at her, “So you just float around the room like this?”

“Yes,” Stevie smiled and looked at me. “Most people think I’m a witch, some people think I’m a fairy and others just say that my aura is magical. In truth, it is a magical aura but I am no fairy. I am a higher level witch but nothing like that poor woman Elizabeth.”

“Yeah, I think I am the reason she is the way she is and I feel a little guilty about that.” 

“Not entirely. You may have been part of the reason why she turned to the darker side of witchcraft but you’re not the only reason why she is the way she is. It takes years and years of abuse to bring these kinds of witchcraft to life. She doesn’t nessicarily deserve to be like this and she was never really actually a witch anyways.”

I tilted my head to the side and looked at her, “Do we…do you know what might have happened to her?”

“I have no idea, I haven’t had the ability to see her yet but I can only assume her aura is bad. She almost killed my friend and I put the strongest protection charm I could on her. I may not be powerful but she will soon surpass me with the devil on her side.”

I tapped my fingers on the counter. My eyes scanned the room a little bit more. It was a gorgeous room. Herbs and plants climbed all over the room. It was completely covered in greenery. I don’t even think you could open the cabinets all the way due to all of the greenery. The air felt light around me. The air was probably being purified by all the plants. Stevie smiled at me, stirring up some batter and motioning to the plants in the room. My eyes scanned the room once more. My eyes looked around wildly as I sat down. 

I pulled out a chair and sat down as she heated up the stove, “What the hell happened last night anyhow?” 

“I fixed your soul, at least a little bit, there was a lot that I couldn’t fix. You’re a strong boy, Noah. You are very strong.”

“Yeah, people keep saying that but I don’t know what the hell it means. I ain’t strong in any sense of the word.”

“Noah, all of that pent up rage isn’t going to do you any good. All of that rage you have for your mom, the world, your school, for everything, it isn’t good at all for you heart or your soul. It all deserves to be let out.”

“What if I don’t want to let it all out, Miss Nicks,” My voice dripped with venom, eyes darting to her. 

“Then you will die. Anger will power you up so to speak to a point but as soon as your anger reaches that point and goes past it, you start dealing more damage to yourself instead of the people around you. You’d be killing yourself.”

I sighed and crossed my arms in front of me, “So it’d be like if Hulk got so angry that he stayed that way, great.” 

“I don’t make the rules, just try to remedy them sweetie,” Stevie started heating up some butter in a pan and let it melt a bit, smiling at me as she started to pour batter into the pan. “Dean really cares for you. Do you know that”

“Yes, I know that. He’s been caring for me since I was a child. We’ve only recently begun dating. He’s more of a bigger part of my life than anyone might realize. He’s been my protector over my entire life since I met him when I was five.”

“I’ve seen the future. While you do end up with James until he is killed by the Tall Man but Dean is your soulmate for lack of a better word.”

“The tall man? Can you tell me a bit more about him…I saw him but he…he confuses me a little bit. He’s supposed to be what I know as Slenderman.”

“Yes, but I think you know most of the lore around him. He’s a tall, faceless figure that abducts children.”

“Of course, he is an internet story though…I mean we have gotten him to the point where he’s going to kill someone eventually, right? He already did. He killed my husband.”

“He does kill people but he also toys with people’s minds as well. Takes them as victims…proxies as most people have called them and he is the operator or administrator of sorts to all of his proxies.”

My eyes darted around the room as I searched my mind, “So like freaking Tribe Twelve or Everyman Hybrid or Marble Hornets?” 

“And what might those be,” Stevie looked at me, eyes moving over my body. “I have never heard of those.” 

“They’re web series made for the internet and posted on YouTube. Each one has referred to Slenderman as the Observer or the Administrator. Tribe Twelve even referred to the proxies as the Collective. I mean, I didn’t think that they would even be right about it but I guess I am. I guess they were. Do you think they might be hunters in their own right?”

“The best advise lies in plan sight, doesn’t it. Study the Tall Man, read up on him then.” 

Dean shambled into the room rubbing his eyes. The two of us fell silent. My eyes drifted to his. He groaned and grunted. He stretched his arms up with a bit of stomach showing underneath them. He tilted his eyes to mine as he moved down to sit next to me. He smiled at me and rested his hands on the table. My eyes drifted to his and I smiled at him. His eyes were still full of sleep. He yawned a bit and looked straight at me before looking at Stevie. 

“That smells amazing Stevie,” Dean paused and nodded his chin towards me. “Are they all fixed up?” 

“Yeah, they are. All fixed up for now but I suggest you see more witches in the future to help fix up that spot in your soul.”

“We didn’t even know a hell soul was possible until a few days ago. How are we supposed to find a good witch?”

“I’ll be around for as long as you might need me. I’ll be training witches around me for as long as I can so you will have a plethora of them to choose from when some hunter ganks me. I don’t try to worry about it much, I can see I live a decently full life and have a lot of life to live before I finally die. A little hazy though, never quite actually saw how I died.”

“Thank you Stevie, don’t think you quite know how much this means to the both of us. Keeping them in check is all I want in life besides keeping them safe.”

I leaned forward a little bit and looked at Dean then at Stevie, “Yeah, just talk about me like I’m not here guys.” 

Dean sighed and looked at me, “Sorry about that Noah. We know you’re here and we know that you’re just here for us.”

“They’re human as far as I can see. They have a soul and they have a heart which makes them just as human as we are. But it’s just that their soul is made of hellfire.”

Dean nodded. He shifted in his seat as he looked at me. Stevie flipped the pancakes and put them on a warm plate. She smiled over at me. Her eyes crinkled at the sides, showing of some impressive crow’s feet for someone so young. My eyes looked over her as she moved around the room. Dean’s eyes went down to her feet, eyes widening a bit as he looked her over. He jumped and backed away from her a little bit. 

“She’s floating,” Dean’s eyes darted to mine. “She’s fucking floating. Like…her feet aren’t fucking touching the ground.” 

“Yeah, she does that. Isn’t that right Stevie,” Stevie turned to me and smiled, bringing over the plate of food over to the two of us. 

“Yes, I do. Much easier thank walking, Dean,” Stevie smiled before her face turned more serious. “Eat up then you can go back to your friends. It’s way past your moving date.”

I nodded and piled up my plate with some food as I inhaled the food. Dean did the same. We both inhaled the food enough for the both of us. Stevie ate a little bit slower than me. I smiled at her and kept her eyes on the food in front of her. She smiled a little bit as she shifted as she looked me over. Dean ate about fifteen pancakes and didn’t stop. I ate about ten. Stevie moved forward and cleaned up all of the mess. 

~

“Time to go everyone. Like Stevie said, we can’t keep staying here. We have nothing we can do here anymore. My soul is a little bit clean and I am healthy…well as healthy as I can be. So let’s go.”

Cas looked me over, eyes dragging over me a bit. He seemed to be checking out my soul. He shifted a little bit then moved a bit as well. My eyes looked at him and into his soul as well. Well, as far as I could look into his soul. He smiled a little bit as he placed a hand on my shoulder. My eyes scanned over him and looked at him. He smiled at me, patting my back and sending me off.


	16. Fifteen

I stretched a little bit. Bruises and scratches were still all over my body. I kept my eyes on the ground around me before checking myself out in the window of a shop. My face was a little bit beat up. A cut underneath my right eye. There was a bruise on my right cheek as well. I had no idea how that might have happened but it was there anyways. My arms were covered in dots from IV needles. Bruises covered my skin more so than my own skin tone now. The scratches covering the remaining skin. I looked like a drug addict who had been beaten up recently. My lungs strained against my ribcage. The ribs were completely destroyed. I lifted my shirt up as people passed by me. There were more bruises and cuts on my chest as well. The only thing that might be staying were the scars from my top surgery. 

Dean’s reflection showed up in the reflection behind me. He smiled at me through the reflection as Sam showed up behind me as well. Then James and finally Cas. Dean placed a hand on my shoulder and moved away from the window. My eyes turned to the real versions of the reflections behind me. I smiled at all four of them, hugging them close a little bit. James stumbled back and looked me over. His eyes are full of anger and disgust. 

“Come on James. You can’t be mad at me forever. If you even are mad at me.” 

James shook his head, “I’m okay. Just don’t want the hell rubbing off on me.” 

“It’s not going to rub off on you, asshole. It’s his soul not some goddamn disease. Get over yourself. If it weren’t for Noah you would still be dying in that closet way back when, yeah?”

James looked down and sighed as he kicked up some dirt, “Yeah. I’m sorry about that comment Noah. I will try to be a little bit better now that I know more.”

“It’s okay James,” I turned to the rest of the group and looked each one in the eye. “We’re going after Arlester ‘Dyke’ Christian today. At least I hope today is the right day and we’re not a few days late.” Dean nodded and took my hand in his. He swung our hands back and forth between us. I kept my eyes down as we walked away from the window. I had no idea where we were going to do. I felt no pull to wherever I was supposed to go and I was completely lost. Everyone was waiting for me to lead them to where I was supposed to go. My heart raced in my chest as I turned away from the people walking towards me and to the people following me. 

“I have no fucking clue where the hell I’m supposed to go. I don’t feel a pull to go anywhere.” 

Dean blinked a little bit and as he looked me over. I kept my eyes down on the ground in front me. I was too embarrassed to face them. I smiled at the four of them, a little bit with my eyes shifted back down to the ground. Dean shifted in his place a little bit. I placed my eyes down on the ground and smiled once again.

The sound of hands against thighs and a sigh later, “So we don’t have anywhere to go?”

“No, sadly. I have no idea where the hell to go or what to do, I’m sorry. If I knew where I was going, I would have told you by now.” 

Dean nodded and sighed, taking my hand once more and leaned into me. He smiled at me as we walked down the street. There was not a lot we could do right now. All we had to do was hope that the man we were trying to find was easy enough to find. But maybe, just maybe we should conduct searches. 

“It would be easier to find him that way and you know it. Interviews and searches. Let them all split up. It’s more ground covered and more people interviewed. You look suspicious if you all show up together. No FBI group would send this many people,” Was what one side of my brain said. My head pounded.

“You can’t trust any of them. Dean turned on you the second he found out you were a monster. Cas doesn’t even want to be here. James doesn’t even seem to respect you even though you were the one who fucking saved him. Sam isn’t even trustworthy to a point. There’s no way of knowing that he won’t turn on you as soon as he gets the chance,” Was exactly what the other side of my brain said.

I looked at Dean and took a deep breath. My eyes locked with his as I walked down the street with him. My eyes scanned the others. James shifted and crossed his arms in front of his chest. He looked me up and down before moving a little bit to the other side. Cas stopped and looked at me. His eyes scanning me as well as I sat down on the curb. Cars rushed passed me. The water pooling underneath me from recent rain. My eyes went up to Dean before he sat down next to me, placing a hand on my shoulder as he did so. 

I placed my head in my hands. I rubbed my temples gently. Dean rubbed my shoulder and smiled at me. His eyes dragged over my body. Sam sat down next to me. I had no idea what to do. Even if I did let us split up I had no way to trust anyone. If we stayed together, we would look slightly suspicious. I knew that much and I had no idea what the hell to do. Dean looked at me and pulled me closer to me. He held me close and rubbed my back. Dean held me for a little bit. Sam sighed as he looked at me. I kept my eyes on the ground for a little while weighing the options. 

“Alright then, we need to split up,” I looked at the others. A few people were looking at me. “It would look way too suspicious with all of us walking around.”

“Good idea, Noah,” Sam smiled and got up as I looked up at him. Dean stood as well and touched my shoulder a little bit. “Cas and James will go to the police station. The rest of us will go to any hospitals, yeah?”

“Of course,” I stood up and looked at Cas who smiled weakly at me. “That sounds like a good idea.”

Sam nodded and took my hand in his, “I think we could always do with that kind of plan. We’ll meet up back here in about three hours. Does that sound like a good idea?”

All of us nodded. Cas looked a little worried. James seemed a little aggravated, his arms crossed in front of his chest as he turned to Cas. Cas placed a hand on his shoulder. James let his arms down, swaying them at his side before turning to the other side. Dean wrapped his arm around my shoulder and gave me a kiss on the temple before splitting us up from the two angels. It was a little worrying leaving the two angels alone. Cas had just learned how to interrogate people and lie really well. He was going to do something wrong. It felt like a little bit of a bandaid rip. I was going to feel like he was going to do something wrong. Dean smiled at me and held me close. I smiled at him. My heart sank a little bit. It was going to be hard if I ever left him. 

“I love you Noah,” Dean whispered into my ear. He smiled at me and held me close. “I really, really love you. A lot.”

“And I love you a lot too Dean. Even if you are a little bit of an asshole sometimes.”

Dean chuckled as we ducked into a restroom in a restaurant. The bag on my shoulders felt a little heavy. My eyes shifted to the other person next to me. Sam smiled at me and looked at me as he took my bag from my shoulders. I smiled at the brother and jumped up on my toes to kiss his cheek. Sam giggled and wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. Dean smiled at the two of us, rolling his eyes a little bit as he went into the stall. He stripped of his clothing and pulled on a suit. He came out a few moments later and turned for us. Sam wolf whistled. A smile appeared on Dean’s face.

“Looking good, Dean,” Sam smiled once more as he looked at me. “Do you want to go next?”

“Sure,” I walked into the stall and stripped of my own clothing to put on one of the suits I had packed. 

Sam went next and came out looking like an absolute dreamboat even though he was more like a brother to me than anything. He smiled, turning around to show us the suit. It was a little bit of a weird thing to say but he did look amazing. I smiled at Sam as he led us out of the restroom. My eyes darted to Dean as he walked out behind me. A weird look on his face as he looked at me. A waitress winking at the three of us. Dean smiled at me as he opened up a door for me. Sam smiled at me as well as I walked out in front of them. 

I paused as I took a deep breath to look around, “Where do you think the nearest hospital is?”

Sam giggled and gestured to a payphone near by with a phone book underneath it, “Want to check a phone book or something?” 

“Ha ha, very funny Sam,” I walked over to the phone book and began flipping through it to find the hospital closest to us. “Great sense of humor on you.”

“I try which is much more than what Dean can say for himself,” Sam jabbed at his brother. Dean faked a smile and looked at his brother. 

Dean smacked his lips a little bit with hands on his hips as he turned away from the two of us, “Very funny Sam, trying to out funny me.” 

“I would have to try, I mean, Noah does need a bit of a break from all of the tenseness in the air. I think we all do,” Sam faked a smile as he turned to me. I was still flipping through the book. “Considering how dangerous this is. We could see baby John here somewhere.”

“And we could’ve seen that asshat Samuel but you didn’t complain about that, now did you?”

“No, but that’s because we could have just lied our asses off to him and he would have forgotten in time,” Sam smiled weakly as he waited for my response. 

“And you lied your asses off you your mother and father once and where did that get you, huh?”

Sam raised his hands in defeat and looked at me. I finally finished looking through the phone book. I closed it shut and turned to Dean, tapping his shoulder and looking at him. He smiled at me as I did the same to him. He turned to the side, shooting his brother a look. He dragged his feet as I led the charge down the street. Dean took my hand, kissing it a little bit. Sam groaned as he shook his head as I set my eyes on his. Sam smiled and looked at him. Dean placed his hands on my shoulders.

“Where even is the closest hospital, Noah,” Sam asked as he turned his attention to me. 

I turned back to face Sam with a smile on my face, “About a mile or so away from here. I know it’s a little far but we can walk, can’t we?”

Sam smiled as he flexed his muscles a little bit, giving his arm muscles a squeeze as we walked alongside me. Dean rolled his eyes as he shifted uncomfortably in his stride. He rolled his eyes a little bit as he kept walking. I turned my eyes and body back around. Dean smiled at me as I walked next to the two of us. He smiled at me. Sam wrapped an arm around my shoulder as he looked me over. His eyes were all over me which was odd for Sam. He never really had eyes for anyone else but Jess. Now it almost seemed like he had eyes for me. Even though I hadn’t even thought about dating him and I was dating Dean it hadn’t even crossed my mind at all. 

Sam was objectively a good guy. He was really caring and loving. From what I heard he was a good fuck as well but I never wanted to try and fuck him. Even then Sam seemed like the straightest person ever. Maybe he was just being friendly. He really could just be friendly. He was amazing to me and he was super friendly always. He was a good man. He had always been a good man to everyone around him. He was lovely but was he really the man I would want to date? He was a freaking amazing man. He wasn’t that much of my type when I thought about it. 

He was super nice. He was super sweet. He was literally the best person I had ever seen. I have been near him forever. I had always been near him. He was a good guy. He was sweet. He had been there for me ever since I had the ghost problem just like Dean had. I could be getting his sweetness confused with love and him liking me. He was still a sweet guy to most people he met. He was a wonderful person. As much as I liked him I didn’t want to start anything. 

Dean had seemed to take note of Sam’s closeness as well. He was a lot colder towards his brother. He was growing closer to me. I had grown closer to him. My eyes shot over to Sam as he seemed oblivious to what was going on inside my head. My eyes drifted over to Dean. Dean was completely tired looking. He was tired as well. There were bags under his eyes. Completely and utterly bloodshot. He turned his eyes around us. Sam was more like the happy puppy he had always been. He bounced a little bit, his hair bouncing a little bit with him, and a smile on his face. I shrugged a little bit as I moved a little bit away from the other two. 

The air around us was completely silent besides the cars and people around us. We didn’t look normal. I wanted to open my mouth and talk but didn’t. People chattered around us. Sam smiled at people who passed by us but that was about it. Other than that we were silent. Dean didn’t open his mouth to make a quippy remark. Sam didn’t even say anything smart. It was just more of a silence that hung around us that made me a bit uncomfortable. I opened my mouth once more to speak but found myself silenced by the air around me. I kept my eyes down on the ground as I moved with them. 

“Noah,” Sam paused as he looked at me and took a hand in mine. “You doing okay there?”

I blinked a little bit and nodded a little bit, “Yeah. I’m okay. I’m doing fine.” 

Sam nodded as the air around us fell silent. The hospital was in sight now. Dean stretched a little bit and fanned himself with his hands. He sighed a little bit, shooting a look at me before walking into the cool air of the hospital. He went straight to the vending machines and got himself a water. He handed one to me then got another one and handed it to his brother. My eyes darted to Dean. Dean smiled and looked at me as he opened the bottle he held in his hands. He took a long swig of the water and smiled at me. 

Dean nodded towards a counter. None of us looked hurt unlike everyone in the waiting room. It was completely different to me. I walked up to the counter and touched the bell. A sweet, older woman turned to me and smiled as she looked me over. She almost seemed to push me away. I knew I didn’t look completely sick to her. It was almost as if she was going to dismiss me before I even opened my mouth. 

“Hello, I’d love it if you let us into the morgue,” Dean leaned over and flashed a badge at the woman. 

“I can’t let you do that,” She smiled at the three of us before looking back down to her work. 

Dean scoffed, leaning back a little bit, “And why won’t you let us down there?” 

“Because we have no dead bodies. Why would I let you down there when we have no bodies to look at?” 

I sighed before backing out of the hospital. Sam went over to a payphone. He smiled as I watched him look over the phone book. He smiled at me before going through the book. My eyes went over Dean. He smiled at me as well. I kept my eyes on him as he looked me over. 

“So do you think anyone might be in the morgues?” I smile in attempt to start any conversation.

“There has to be, I mean there are dead people all the time even in weird circumstances. There has to be someone in the morgue.” 

I chuckled in a soft attempt to keep the air from going silence. Dean gave me a smile as I turned away from him a little bit. Sam smiled at me then looked at Dean. Dean glared slightly at his brother before turning back to me. He turned to me and held me close. The arm around me was completely comfortable and terrifying to me. I still didn’t know if I was a monster to him or if I was more of a lover to him. My back stiffened up a little bit as Dean pulled his arm back a little bit. 

“Yeah, of course someone has to have someone in their morgue,” I shifted uncomfortably under Dean’s gaze. “I’m just a little tired…and in a little bit of pain.”

I still couldn’t breathe properly. My chest was sore with every single breath I took. My body hadn’t healed yet. It had taken at least one good beating in what I had felt in awhile. I was a little bit of a weird feeling. My body was in immense pain now that I was taking a check of my own body. My legs were sore as well. I could have fallen down if someone wasn’t holding me. My arms felt like they had been tossed through a blender. My torso felt the same as well. My eyes were sore and a little bit painful. Dean had kept his hand lightly on my waist as Sam tossed through the book. 

Dean tilted his head to better look at me, “We could go find a place to stay while Sam looks for a morgue?” 

“I’ll take Noah back and you can look for a morgue,” Sam looked at me. “Or whatever Noah wants.”

“Sam can come back with me,” Dean whimpered like a hurt puppy. “He can take care of me better and you know it Dean. Your solution to most everything is booze.”

“Hey, no fair, I do not fix everything with booze,” I shot him a look. “Fine. I’ll go check the morgues instead.”

~

Sam placed a hand on my shoulder as he ran a hand down my back. His fingers were rough yet gentle. My eyes darted to his hands then to his face as he checked me over. His brow was furrowed in concentration as his eyes scanned over all of my wounds. A first aid kit that we had just bought was at his side. His head was tilted to the side as he looked over my body. He seemed so into checking me out. 

“You look just super bruised up but…these are all still black which means you just recently got them even though you have been healing for at least a week.”

“Don’t know when I even got them either but I think my body can’t heal itself properly…too busy attacking itself to heal up properly.”

Sam chuckled a little bit even though I had told the joke more than once. He shook his head as he leaned back and pulled out an alcohol wipe. Sam wiped down my scratches and looked at me. He smiled at me every so often as he did so. His eyes were trained on my wounds. My body ached as I looked at him. Sam smiled as he looked over my body, giving it one last once over before looking at me in the eyes once more.

“I think we’re completely done,” Sam smiled as he looked me over a little bit more as he checked his stitching. “You are definitely banged up there.”

I took a deep breath and shifted a little bit as my ribs crackled a little bit, “You think I don’t know that Sam?”

Sam chuckled as he smiled happily looking like a golden retriever who was just told that he was a good boy, “Why do you even like my brother, Noah?”

The smile that had crossed my face a few seconds earlier faded, “Why are you asking Sam?”

“I want to know, Noah,” Sam tilted his head to the side as he looked at me. “I mean, he is my brother and all. Dean would grill me if he had found out I was dating the guy we essentially helped raise.”

“Well, first off he does seem nice half of the time. He’s a good man and we both know that. He has a nice smile…and he really cares for me which has been proven to me over years of taking care of the both of us. He may be a little temperamental but he has our best interests at heart. He loves us both and he deserves to have the best life he can. I like him as much as any other person I have taken an interest in. He deserves to be happy and I do too.”

Sam chuckled a little bit as he looked me over, “I guess you two do deserve to be happy. I just can’t wrap my head around it.” 

“I do think that it would be a little bit weird if your friend, one of your closest friends, started dating your brother. Want to interrogate me? Do you want to know my interests or anything?” 

Sam shook his head a little bit as he looked me over once more, “Nah man, I don’t need to do that to you. You’re good. I don’t need to interrogate you at all. Though I am kind of worried about finding this guy, aren’t you?” 

“Yeah, I’m more afraid of feeling the death than feeling the actual viewing of the death, you know,” I paused a little bit. “Well, I guess you wouldn’t know about it since you can’t feel the deaths at all.”

“I get worried about you feeling all of this pain. Your body is taking a fucking beating and I think in the end you might die as well, you know? It has to hurt a little bit…guess that must be a question I have. How does it feel…to die? I mean I know what it really feels like but multiple times?”

“It hurts, defiantly feels like dying multiple times,” I groaned a little bit and shifted in my seat to get more comfortable. “It’s the worst feeling I could ever describe. I mean, feeling the death of someone connects you to someone. In an odd way. Feeling what they felt as they were feeling it…it’s like you share one of the most intimate part of someone’s life…their death with them. It’s the worst part of sharing someone’s death. Normally it could be a good thing, you know? Like final good byes and all that jazz. Sharing the feeling of someone’s last moments is honestly a really bad feeling. I don’t even know how to tell you about that…it’s super terrible to me. It feels like I’m intruding on a part of someone’s life that I shouldn’t. I don’t even know these people.” 

“I guess that would feel a little bit of an intrusion,” Sam looked at me as he shifted a little bit as well. “I don’t even know how that would feel Noah.” 

I nodded a little bit as I looked into Sam’s eyes as he looked me over. Sam shifted out of his chair to sit next to me. He wrapped an arm around me and smiled. He pulled me closer to him and kissed my temple. Sam kept a gentle arm around me. His smile was an amazing sight to see. It made me feel almost as good as Dean’s smile. Both of them were warm smiles. Both were happy smiles as well. The smiles were similar, obviously since they were brothers. They were good men. Sam checked his watch before turning to me. 

“Well, we should start heading back soon,” Sam stood up and extended a hand to me. “Everyone should be done with their work soon.”

I nodded, taking Sam’s hand in my own as I walked out of the hotel room. I leaned my head on his shoulder as I allowed to take some sun in. He smiled at me as he squeezed my hand. He gave me a kiss on the temple. His arm was around me as he looked at me. His eyes were warm and happy. His body was warm against the freezing wind. He smiled at me as he looked me over. My eyes were closed, allowing him to lead me back. 

~

“So you guys found absolutely nothing,” Sam looked the others over as he folded his hands in front of his body. “No way to contact him?”

“No friends, no family, no posters, no health records, absolutely nothing. Are we sure this man exists? We’re working off of a wikipedia here and anyone can edit that shit, can’t they?”

“Trust me, I checked everything about these guys. I made sure one hundred percent that all of these people exist. I wasn’t about to send us on a wild fucking goose chase.”

“Well it feels like one right now. Where the hell is Elizabeth anyhow, huh? We’re supposed to be hunting her.”

“Well, I would assume since I am taking the brunt of the deaths right now she’s not doing so hot, huh?”

Dean stopped in his tracks and sighed. He rubbed his temples. He looked like he was about to scream about me but he didn’t. Dean’s face was slightly read as he looked me over. His eyes filled with some sort of tears. He looked me over with another sigh falling out of his mouth as he turned to me. He smiled at me a little bit as he moved down in his seat a little bit.

“So we just have to fucking wait here for Noah to die? Or see if Elizabeth got here to us first and just erased the entire human being?” 

Sam nodded a little bit and took a bite into his burger. His smile had faded but his eyes were completely happy and tired all at the same time. Dean looked the exact same. His eyes were full of sadness as he looked at me. I smiled at him before digging into my food. Dean kept his eyes on us as he moved in his seat. Cas and James poked at their food a little bit to make it look like they were eating. I smiled at the two of them before turning back to my own food. The air was heavy around us. The kitchen was full of scraping metal. The waitresses were moving around us serving up plates to other people. A few of them smiled at me as they passed by. Others were completely cold with no smile on their faces and death in their eyes.

~

The hours had passed and I hadn’t died. My brows furrowed as my eyes darted to one of the clocks in the room. 11:59pm blinked in red lights. Dean’s eyes widened as the clock blinked to 12:00am. Instead of the normal pain that went around this time…I was tired. So very tired. My eyes were heavy. The air around me went cold. The room spun in circles. My eyes went to Dean. Then Sam. They finally ended up on Cas who’s face was completely white. His body was floating in the air as he extended his body towards me. My eyes fluttered shut as I let my body fall wherever it was going to fall. 

I half expected to fall to the floor and hit my head. But I opened my eyes with Cas holding me up. His eyes were wide as he looked me over. His mouth was slightly agape. Sam and Dean were over each of his shoulders. The same look of shock was on either of their faces. Dean raised a hand to place it over his open mouth slightly. 

“Oh my fucking god.” His voice full of raspy shock.


	17. Sixteen

My hands went over my face. It was way more feminine now. Much rounder. The stubble I had worked hard for was gone. The squared off jawline I had always wanted was practically gone at this point. My chest was huge. Back to the double Ds I had before I chopped them off. No binder I could get was ever enough to even make a dent in what I was feeling. It just made them look huger than what I had ever perceived them as. I had known ace bandages would have fucked up my chances of top surgery. KT Tape couldn’t help much either. But now the weight on my chest felt even heavier than it had been before the surgery. I was definitely an inch or two shorter than I had been. I had always been a tall one but I liked the few extra inches were good enough to me. 

I kept my eyes down on my face as I moved away from the mirror. It was all too much to bear at the moment. I couldn’t actually bear to see my own face. I couldn’t face my own demons. I was too gross for even my own eyes. I didn’t want to see my own face. It reminded me way too much of the girl who had been abused at the hands of her own mother. It was the girl I had tried to run from, the family I had left for the one I had found. 

Dean wrapped his arms around me as soon as I walked out of the bathroom. None of the guys had seen my inbetween phase. The awkward middle from female to male. They had just seen me before and after all of the good cosmetic stuff I had went through. I felt Dean’s chest heave as tears wet my shirt. I had barely ever seen him cry before. But this cry felt a lot more personal. He gripped me tight and rocked me back and forth. I could barely breath. Even before Dean hugged me but now I felt like I was suffocating. 

“Let go of him Dean. You’re going to suffocate him to death,” Sam chuckled a little bit in an attempt to lighten the mood a little bit but no one laughed except him. 

Dean did let me go, his eyes falling over my body a little bit. I sniffled under his gaze. I had gotten the stares before. The ‘what is this thing’ stares from conservative parents and children who didn’t know any better. Now the man I loved was giving me the exact same look. I smiled at him sheepishly, placing two fingers under his chin and lifting his gaze to my eyes instead of my body. Dean blushed a deep red, even his ears turning the shade of red, as he looked me dead in the eyes. He looked ashamed, for lack of a better word. Completely and utterly ashamed. 

“I’m still the same man you guys all know and love but I think the tie I have to Elizabeth and the members is a little dangerous, especially now. If she gains life from them that means whatever life she gains is taking a little bit of life away from me as well which means I will continually regress until I am left with nothing but a cell formation…I will cease to exist. And I can’t go out looking like this anyhow.” 

Sam nodded a little bit, “Noah’s right. He can’t go out looking like this. If he was afraid of being attacked then with top surgery and more testosterone than a body builder then he will most likely be attacked now. We can’t let him out of our sight now. No matter what.” 

“I can call up my dogs, they can watch over me as well. I mean, if one of you has to step out.”

Dean groaned a little bit, “I guess you can do that. We’ve seemingly lost track of them.” 

“They can only stay on earth for a few days at most unless I can power them up a little bit. I used to do it all the time in hell, give them some power but I never thought it might be connected to my own soul.” 

Cas and Dean nodded in unison. James swung his arms back and forth a little bit. His face twisted in an expression that conveyed an emotion that I couldn’t even begin to comprehend. My eyes darted to Dean who smiled at me. He kissed my forehead a little bit, eyes closing bit as he looked me over. My eyes moved over him as he pulled away from me. He smiled at me a little bit before turning back to his friends. 

“I will watch over Noah,” James’ voice was full of venom as he looked me over. “You three are the expert hunters and it will be more use if all three of you are together.”

Sam straightened up in his seat a little bit as he looked the angel over, “So you go from wanting to kill him to wanting to protect him in a matter of minutes?”

“He may be a hell spawn, which is something he deserves to be killed for, but he doesn’t deserve to be killed because of what he identifies as.”

The angel has shown me a kindness. One I had not expected from him. My eyes darted to Sam. Our eyebrows furrowed in a bit of confusion as we looked each other over. Sam turned his eyes back to James, my own eyes doing the same. I smiled a little bit and chuckled. It was almost comical to see that the angel was being kind to me. He was showing me a kindness I hadn’t expected from him at all. He still wanted to kill me, yes but not because of who I was more so what I was. 

“Thank you, but how do I know this isn’t a trap to get me alone and fucking kill me when you get the chance?”

James chuckled a little bit and shook his head, “Would it look good for me to kill you right now? With three master hunters, one being another angel, on my fucking ass? Yeah, no thank you.”

“So you would kill me if they weren’t ‘master hunters’ who would be on your ass if you killed me?”

“I mean, I guess I would,” James shrugged a little bit. “But if it makes you feel a little bit better I wouldn’t kill you with these guys on my ass. Yeah?”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better but since I need all three of them on the ground I will have to take you at your word.”

Dean sighed a little bit and wrapped an arm around me. My eyes went over to him as I shot a lot up at him. Sam’s eyes drifted to James’ eyes. He stood up and gave him a stern pat on the back. His eyes were full of anger as he turned to Cas who gave James the same exact look. I gave him a soft smile as I patted Cas on the back a little bit. Cas went back and looked me over. His eyes softened a little bit as he turned to me. He wrapped his arms around me in a small attempt at a hug. A smile formed on my face as I hugged him back. 

“Don’t worry Cas,” I whispered in his ear just loud enough for him and only him to hear. “I can gank that son of bitch whether I have tits or not.”

Cas let out a soft chuckle as he pulled away. He pat my head a little bit as I looked at him. He smiled at me as he turned to his friends. The two of them looked a bit worried. Dean looked at me as he pulled something out of his bag. Dean handed the soft leather jacket as he looked me over. His eyes were on me as he looked into my eyes. I placed a hand on the leather as I shot him a look. He smiled at me as I took the leather jacket. The smile got even wider as he looked me over. 

Dean smiled as he looked at me with the jacket on, his eyes were full of a love I couldn’t place my finger on, “Wear it for me, at least for a little bit, please?”

I ran the sleeves over my own for a second. My eyes moved over the man as I rolled the jacket on as I looked at Dean. Dean smiled at the me with the jacket on. My eyes moved to James then Cas. Both looked less than happy. Dean smiled at me as he moved over to me. His eyes were wide as he looked at me, touching the soft leather on my shoulder and smiled at me. I straightened my back a little bit as he closed my jacket up a little bit. Just enough to cover the fat sacks that I was born with. Dean smiled a little bit and gave me a kiss on the cheek. 

Dean smiled at the two of us, “We’ll be back sooner than you can say ‘I love Dean Winchester’, okay?”

I nodded silently as I looked the man over. He backed away from me with a smile on his face. Sam patted Dean on the back as they walked out of the hotel room. Cas followed after glaring at James. My eyes darted to the man as I looked at him. James shot me a look as he sat down at the edge of the bed. He groaned, turning on the television and scrolled through the channels. He patted a spot next to him and gave me a soft smile. 

I took the seat next to him and sighed softly. I leaned my head on him as I shifted a little bit in my seat. James was completely tense and as was I. We were both completely tense. I had no idea what he was going to do and he had no idea what I could do to him. We were both pretty dang powerful. Both of us hd no idea what the other could do to the other one. We both had no idea the limits of what we could do to the other. We moved a little bit. Both completely stiff. I smiled slightly as I looked over the man. We were both overly tense around each other. Our eyes never locked. Our bodies never touched. We were both completely tense. 

I rested my hand on the floor, the air around my hand getting hotter and hotter. I smiled a little bit as I allowed the air to heat up so much that the carpet around my hand went up in flames. James stumbled back as I looked down at the floor. The fire alarms didn’t even go off. Hell fire was a lot different I presume. My eyes darted to the door as it too went up in flames. In walked my hounds. A smile pulled at my cheeks as I walked over to them. 

I placed a hand on their tall shoulders, bringing them down to my height. Two of them morphed a little bit into humans. I touched Thor on the back and he did the same. James touched my shoulder and brought me back. His face was more horrified than happy. He shot me a look as I turned back to the people standing in front of me. 

Hel had dark emerald eyes and long blonde hair. Her build was slender but muscular nonetheless. Her body was meant for leaping and moving through the forest rather than brut force. She could kick your ass if she wanted to and she definitely had as soon as I entered hell. She was much taller than me now. At least it felt like it though I only came up to her eyes now. Hel smiled at me as she went over to the television, her hair splaying out into a halo on the pillow. She wore a pair of tight leather jeans with a flannel shirt tied above her midriff. She never wore a bra, her tits too small to even warrant one. She wore minimal makeup as well besides some winged eyeliner and red lipstick. Her shoes were sneakers much better than the Converse I always wore. 

“Thanks for letting us go back down to that hell hole,” She sat down on the bed. “Though it was a lot better than slinging it with those hunter assholes.”

Her twin brother, Thor, was almost completely the same. Slender build with emerald eyes and long blonde hair. He walked over to me, placing a hand on my shoulder as he looked at me. He wore the same kind of outfit minus the leather pants. Instead he wore jeans and some Converse. A smile on his face as he looked at me a little bit. His stunning green eyes were burrowing into my own as I shifted my body a little bit as I turned to the other person in the room. The gigantic human being I had been afraid of ever since I had met him in hell. Though the fear was less than I had ever had after awhile with him. 

He was tall with shoulder length light brown hair with blonde highlights. His eyes were dark with three scars running down his face in diagonals and split one of his eyebrows in three. He was completely tall and muscular. Even in my best state he was probably a foot and a half taller than me. His light brown skin was due to his roots in the islands and the copious amounts of sun he had gotten when he was alive. He was more so of a real life puppy dog than anything. He was completely dressed for warmer weather. His muscles didn’t fit in much else besides a white tank top and some floral shorts. Instead of actual shoes he had on some sandals. 

“Hi Loki,” I reached up and scratched behind his ear, something that still happened to be his favorite thing even when he is a human. “How’s it going my little baby.” 

~

The many hours passed as I looked around the room. I wanted to completely move away from. I wanted to break out. I wanted to break out of the hotel room. I would completely get clocked on the outside. I could be completely safe…or die. The later was why I couldn’t go outside. I had no intentions of dying here and now and I had no intentions of going town because of who I was…well not because I was a guy. I would gladly go down as a hunter if it meant anything. If it meant going down a hunter rather than another statistic then that’s what it meant. Both were pretty bad endings but a hunter was better than a statistic. 

I kept my eyes on the television as we switched positions a little bit as we looked at each other. The two of us were silent. I itched to leave though. The two of us were completely silent. The hours passed silently. I was very aware of how the time passing around me and James as well. The two of us were completely silent with the air heavy around us. I was almost completely tired of just waiting for the other two of us. 

I stood up from my spot and looked at James, “I’m hungry. The boys aren’t back yet and I’m hungry.”

“What the hell do you want me to do about it then,” James shot me a look. “I can’t just leave you alone. I’m supposed to look after you.”

“Well yeah. If we were in 2019 I would just GrubHub some food but we’re not when I come from so we’re going to have to do something about this, aren’t we?”

Hel stood up with Thor jumping up at her side so quickly that I felt the heat on my face, “Why don’t we go outside?” 

“No one can fucking see you and you aren’t about to just go around stealing food. It’s not what I told you.” 

“At least we will come with you. Make sure James doesn’t kill you, how about that?”

I nodded a little bit as James stood up a little bit with eyes locked on mine, a sigh leaving his mouth as he crossed his arms and paced the carpet in front of him. His eyes never left mine. He moved a little bit as his arms were crossed over his chest. My eyes followed him. His movements were small. His eyes darted between me and the door. Every moment that passed the more mt stomach growled. I kept my eyes on him as he swayed back and forth. His eyes were completely locked on mine.

“I don’t want you leaving my sight. It was my task to keep you in my sight. It is probably the worst part about you, hell spawn. You are so protected by the others.” 

“I know I am protected as fuck but I am super hungry James. I need to eat.”

James turned to me and snapped, dropping his hands to his waist, “And what would you like to eat, Noah?” 

“I don’t know. Is there anything in the kitchen?” Stupid question. Sam didn’t get any food.

“No, Noah,” James sighed as he shot a look at me. “Sam didn’t get any fucking food.”

James confirmed my thoughts. I turned in my seat a little bit as the air fell heavy. James moved a little bit as he looked me over. I gave him a smile as he sighed a little bit more. He walked over to the door and opened it up. He sighed once more as he looked at me. His eyes drifted to the outside. His eyes moved forward as he looked at me. His eyes dropped to the ground a little bit. I gave him a smile as I stood up. My eyes shifted to the outside. I yanked the hoodie I was wearing underneath the leather jacket as I moved out of the hotel room. 

James groaned a little bit as he looked at me, “Do not tell Sam, Dean or Cas about this…ever!” 

I sighed a little bit as I smiled at him, “Do you actually think I would tell them about my little moment of freedom?”

James shook his head a little bit as he looked at me, a smile on his face as he took my hand in his as we walked to somewhere I was going where I was going to eat. I wanted to eat a bit more than just some diner food. I needed something more than that. I wanted to eat more. I didn’t need to eat a pancakes or sandwiches. I wanted to eat meat. I wanted hamburgers…and not the diner version. I wanted to eat food. 

James kept his head down with me. My eyes darting up to him. The setting sun created a halo around him. He smiled at me a little bit. His eyes were a bit bluer and nicer than I had ever seen. My eyes moved back down to the concrete sidewalk. He swung my hands back and forth. I kept my eyes down a little bit as he smiled at me. I smiled at the concrete. His hands were warm and soft. But were completely huge…much like Sam’s hands. Huge hands that engulfed my now slightly smaller than what they had originally had been…when I was pumped up on testosterone.

“I’m sorry about that whole hating you thing. I shouldn’t have let my fear get the best of me…” 

“You’re not getting off that easily,” I looked up at him. “You can not just do that kind of thing, you know?”

James nodded a little bit, “But you have forgiven Dean this easily and for a lot more.”

“I haven’t fully forgiven him yet. He’s just on probation at the moment. I mean…he is one of those stubborn assholes.” 

“I mean, I know he might be but what about me? Am I just another one of those stubborn assholes?”

“You’re an angel,” I deadpanned as James opened up a door to a restaurant allowing me to walk in. “They’re a lot different.” 

James placed a hand over his heart, “So are you going to be angel racist right now?”

“I don’t think being racist against angels,” I paused for a moment as a waitress moved us towards a table. “Maybe I can be speciesist?”

James chuckled a little bit as he looked me over. I smiled at the woman as she handed us some menus. Our seats were farther back and away from the other people. I smiled at her as she walked away from us. My eyes drifted to James as he sat down next to me. He smiled at me before his eyes went down to the menus. He looked over the menu a little bit as I did the same. I kept my eyes down on the menu for a little while. 

James opened his mouth a little bit before speaking, “So, is this satisfactory to your needs?”

“Yes,” I smiled a little bit as I looked up at him as I felt over my pockets. “How are we going to pay? Dean and Sam have most of the money.” 

James’ eyes went wide as he patted his own pockets with his voice low so no one could hear him, “I don’t have any money. If you don’t have any money…we’ll just dine and dash.”

I didn’t feel comfortable doing this but it was all we had to do. I was hungry and James was sticking his neck out for me. I kept my head down as I moved away from the table a little bit. My eyes dropped to the menu. I didn’t want to get the most expensive piece of food. I wanted to get something a bit cheaper so I wasn’t completely robbing the place. 

“I really don’t want to dine and dash but I guess I have to,” I whispered to James as I moved in my seat. “It would mean nothing to you but something to me.” 

James chuckled a little bit as I moved a little bit more in my seat, “I guess hunters have some morals.” 

“I mean, I have to have some sort of morals…” I shot him a look. “I don’t just going around killing people. I would have killed you on sight.”

“And why the hell would a hunter have morals at all, if the world is full of monsters?”

“Why wouldn’t we? We’re still human beings with emotions and feelings.”

“I mean, you hunt monsters and everyone around you could be a potential monster.” 

“And not everyone is a potential monster. You are a monster in a way. Not many other monsters fuck with angels, even one without much power.”

“And what about you? You are technically a monster as well. With your soul made of hellfire and all.”

“Yeah, that too. Some demons might be able to see me but that’s about it. Even if they wanted to hurt me I am technically the highest level of demon if you can even call me that.”

Hel leaned forward and smiled at me, “He’s right. He’s the highest level of demon there is. Not many people even know how to kill him. Actually no one seems to know how to kill him anyways.”

We didn’t even want to respond since no one else could see them. I kept my eyes down as I looked over the menu once more. I couldn’t just pick one thing. I hadn’t remembered eating at all since I got here. I was just hungry and nothing cheap would fill me up. I couldn’t even think about ordering at the moment. The pictures almost gave me a bit of a filling feeling. My eyes drifted over to Loki and held his hand in mine underneath the table. My eyes went to James as I looked into his eyes. He looked me over as I tilted my head to the side a little bit as the waitress walked over to us.

“What would you two like today,” I took a sharp inhale as I moved in my seat a little bit. 

“I’ll have some water and the soup of the day,” I passed back the menu and looked at him. “Thank you.”

“I’ll have the same please,” James smiled at me and looked towards the others. Loki seemed to growl, his chest vibrating a little bit as he turned to me a little bit. 

James went back a little bit as he shot a look at Loki then to me not even caring about the others around us, “So you hate me? Does he hate me?”

“Yes, I hate you, on sight,” Loki snarled. If he still had a snout and jowls he would be drooling. “Because you’re a fucking angel…and you hate Noah on sight.”

“Well now I know how Noah’s feels,” James sighed and leaned back as he looked at the other two. 

“I mean, how are you even going to say that after you gave him the cold shoulder for as long as we’ve known you?”

“Yeah, but angels can have empathy unlike you hellhounds. I mean, how can you even be human?”

“I guess you weren’t there for the explanation but they’ve got human souls ya idijt.”

The other four of them stopped and looked at me, “What the hell does idijt even mean?”

“How the hell am I supposed to know? I never got a full fucking definition from Bobby.”

James tilted his head to the side and looked me over a little bit, “And who’s Bobby?”

“An old friend of mine,” My voice was soft as I looked at him. “An old friend who isn’t around anymore. We miss him a lot…all of us so we hold on to whatever the fuck we got left.” 

James nodded lightly as he turned back to Loki. Hel snarled at him and smiled. He smiled a little bit at me, a nervous look crossing his face as he moved closer to me. I smiled at the man as I leaned over to pat Loki on the back. He looked me over and smiled happily as his tongue almost hung out of his mouth. I smiled at him before I turned back to James. 

“Sorry for asking about him,” James smiled lightly as he looked me over. “Sorry I asked about the word as well.”

The waitress walked over with our food and set it down in front of me. Loki bent over and looked at the food. He was drooling. Drops of saliva dropped onto the table. She smiled at me as she moved away from the two of us. I smiled at Loki as I cleaned up his drool on the table. Loki moved back as he looked me over a little bit. I kept my eyes down as I began eating my foot.

“That looks fucking amazing Noah,” Thor moved in and licked his lips a little it. “Mind sharing some with us.”

I shook my head a little bit, “No, you can’t have any of my food. I haven’t eaten in days. I need this.”

“Come on, you haven’t eaten in days and you’re eating some goddamn soup? Really?”

“Yes, I am eating some soup,” I paused a little bit. “It was the cheapest thing on the menu.”

“Cheapest thing on the menu? When have you ever been concerned about that?”

“Since we both don’t have any fucking money on us. Now shut the fuck up and let me eat.”

~

James and I sat in the room. I paced back and forth a little bit. Loki and Thor were laid out on the bed. Hel was on guard duty outside of the hotel room. The four of us who were inside as I paced back and forth. My eyes shot back to Loki as he sat up in the bed. I paced back and forth even more, my pace quickening a bit as my heart pounded in my chest. It was late and the team hadn’t come back yet. 

“They haven’t been gone this long…not when they know I could be in danger,” I looked at the others and sighed a little bit. “They should be back soon, right?” 

Thor shrugged a little bit. So did Loki. Neither of them knew about the schedule. Neither did James. I was the only one who was going to be worried. The three of them just shared a weird look than went back down to laying on the bed. I sighed a little bit as I looked around a little bit. I sat down on the edge of the bed and sighed. I held my head in my hands and looked at Loki. He sat up a little bit and wrapped an arm around me and pulled me back into the bed. He kissed the top of my head. 

“Just calm down a bit, okay? They’ll be back soon enough,” His voice dropped to a whisper as if he didn’t want me to hear the next part. “At least I fucking hope so.” 

I giggled a little bit as I looked into his eyes, “Or what? You’re going to beat them up?”

“Yeah, I’ll beat them all up and make sure they know not to leave you like this again.” 

Loki flexed and let out a little laugh as Thor rolled over in the bed, away from the two of us. Loki smiled at me as he pulled me onto his chest. It was one of the only things that had comforted me in Hell. His hugs made me a little bit happier. He made me feel small which had always been very hard to do. I let my body sink into his as I looked him in the eyes. My body sank into the part of his chest that was softest. I smiled at him as I set my head down on his chest. His heart thudded against my body. My eyes closed a little bit as I felt my body just sit there for a moment.

A metallic taste filled my mouth. My eyes darted to Loki as I stood up. My feet rushed me into the bathroom. My mouth opened up as blood went into the open toilet. Loki rushed in behind me as my own eyes darted to Loki. There was a bunch of blood on his chest already. It looked like he was shot but it was me who was dying. Loki dropped to his knees, cracking the tile underneath him. My own eyes darted back down to the toilet as more blood poured out into the toilet. It broke the clear liquid, making it slightly pink in turn. Loki wrapped his arms around me as he looked me over as he leaned me back. My own body jerked in his arms as blood poured down my own chin. Some blood poured down my throat making me cough. 

Tears poured out of Loki’s eyes as he pulled me closer to his chest, “Is there anything I can do for you right now.” 

I pushed myself up onto my elbows as I looked at him. I kept coughing more and more as I tried not to choke on my own blood. I couldn’t even talk to him. I kept my eyes on Loki as I kept coughing a little bit. More blood poured out of my mouth. I couldn’t even tell where it was coming from. It was just pouring out of me. More than I had ever thought was possible for me or any other normal human being. It wasn’t even nighttime yet and here I was dying. It was some twisted sort of Tuesday situation. I kept my eyes on him as I kept coughing up more and more blood. Hel and Thor stood in the doorway as they watched me. 

“There’s nothing we can do Loki. There is no way that we can help him. We have to watch him die. It’s written in his destiny.”

“Can’t we fucking change destiny or something? Make him fucking survive this?”

“I know it feels fucking terrible right now but he’s going to have to die because he has to do this.”

“She…she’s right…I…I have to die…I have to die here…there’s…there’s no way for…for me to…for me to keep…for me to keep going. It…it…it’s better…it’s better than…it’s better than peo…it’s better than people dying.” 

“So you taking the brunt of death means that other people can survive in a way.” 

I nodded a little bit with my eyes falling shut.


	18. Seventeen

My eyes flickered open. The air around me was completely cold. Inhumanly cold. My eyes flickered around me as I looked at the around the entire area. I had no idea where I was going to go. It was dark. So very dark. It had always been dark in my dreams. I looked around as I stepped forward as much as I could with my feet frozen in place. I looked around the place but found nothing. I had my entire body frozen. The air sent a chill down my spin as I looked around even more. As much as my frozen body would let me. My entire body was full of goosebumps. I was as naked as the day I was born but instead of a vagina I had a penis and instead of breasts there was a small bump that made me feel a little bit of happiness. I smiled at the bump a little bit as lights went around me. Blue shining lights moved towards me. I wanted to run away from them. Everything in my body told me to run away and yet I was standing still. My feet were frozen in place as I sat down on the ground, the only thing I could do. 

The blue lights were getting closer and closer to me. I backed couldn’t back away from them. But they got closer and closer to me and landed in front of me. Blue orbs unfolded into humans. Shapes of people I had seen before. People I hadn’t yet seen. My eyes drifted over to a man who wore a a plaid t-shirt over a white Guns N Roses Use Your Illusion concert shirt. His jeans were frayed at the bottoms. His eyes were tired and his blonde hair was a complete mess. He was barefoot, sitting down in front of me with his legs crossed. 

“You must be completely terrified being here,” His voice was soft and stern all at the same time. “This is…where your mind is at at the moment.”

My hair hit my face as I turned around a little bit, “Is this my fucking mind? Why the hell is it so fucking dark in here?” 

“Because we’re all taking up the space and draining you. I mean, you have a very creative mind when we’re not taking over all of the space.” 

“I know who you are,” I rocked back a little bit being able to moved a little bit. “But I wish you weren’t in here. In my mind.”

“Our souls are attached to you. Always in debt to you forever and ever for as long as you live.”

“I…I don’t understand what you want me to do about anything right now. I can’t possibly help any of you. It would be utterly useless.” 

“It might be but we can help you at any cost to us. Even if it means dying again.”

“Then what would happen to your souls? I’m pretty sure that your souls would be utterly destroyed if you did that?”

The man nodded, his golden hair bobbing with him, “Yeah, but we would still be here to help you out no matter what. We are forever tied to your soul. Our bodies may be giving that witch bitch some juice but our souls are forever locked to yours. Doesn’t matter what might happen to us but as long as our souls are still in tact it doesn’t matter what might happen to us. Even salting and burning our bones won’t even help.” 

I shot my eyes to the man as his eyes went to mine. He looked me over with careful eyes. His words sunk in a little bit. I was their personal hell in all senses of the word. I was to forever be their hell. I let my eyes drift to the other people around me. A woman with teased up long black hair and thick winged eyeliner looked me over. Her eyes were completely full of sadness. I had no way of helping anyone. It would be too much for me to try and explain that I hadn’t meant to be born at all that I didn’t even want to be a hell span. I never wanted to be one of those people who made other people’s lives worse. 

I opened my mouth a little bit before closing it up. My words would fall on deaf ears no matter what I said. I would just be one of those who had lied to them. Another one who would be lying to them. Even if I was telling them the truth it would be nothing but another lie to them which sucked to me. I would never want to lie to some of my heroes…my idols if you could even call them that. I would never want to lie to them. I would only want to tell them all the truth and yet they would never want to hear me out. 

“We’re a lot more powerful than you know, Noah. You are going to have to trust us when we say that. We are the source of your power which is why you can’t fully die. Our souls help heal you and have given you much longer lifespan than normal,” The woman spoke and looked me over with her own eyes burrowing into mine as if she were about to look into my own soul. “If you even have a soul to begin with.”

“I am not even going to begin to question that,” I paused for a moment. “And how long have I been dead for?”

“Only a few moments. Your body is being transported to a hospital as we speak. Your heart’s still going so that’s a plus. Will keep you alive as long as it takes for us to talk to you.”

“So what the hell am I supposed to do? Listen to you rant and rave about how you all like having me for a body?”

“Awe, you think we use your body,” The man spoke with more sarcasm in his voice than needed. “If we used your body you would be dead from multiple overdoses by this point.” 

I chuckled a little bit as I moved forward a little bit, “So what the hell have you been doing to me?”

The man shrugged a little bit, “Keeping you as safe as we possibly can without interfering with your destiny. I don’t really fucking know about what the hell is going on with you and your soul.”

My eyes drifted to the woman and looked at her. My eyes looked down at my own lap. I shifted to the other side in attempts to get more comfortable. The woman, who I know recognized as Amy Winehouse, shifted a little bit with me. The man moved as well. When I moved they moved. We all moved in the same way. I looked down a little bit as I shifted back into place. My eyes shifted back into something as I looked at them.

“So you let all of that happened to me…all of that abuse…it was destined to happen to me. It had to happen to me because it was my own destiny to be that fucking way?”

The man shifted a little bit as he nodded, “It was touch watching you go through that. I never wanted to see that happen to someone else. I didn’t want to watch it happen to someone else. All of the yelling and all of the lies. I mean…your mom misusing the child support to benefit her and not you was too much for me to watch. I may have helped you a little bit through that. Dragged you into the world of rock n roll just to keep you safe. Show you that abused and neglected kids can make it out of there. That they can make sure you were brought into the world that I loved so much. It was all meant to keep you safe. The community is one of the safest places I have ever seen in my life. Especially now with the disenfranchised youth taking in more disenfranchised youth. It all makes me happy to see you interacting with the people around you at concerts. The big smile on your face as you talk to people you barely even know. I mean, it could be a little dangerous talking to people you don’t know but they were your family. Your people.”

“The horror community was my idea. I love all things creepy and all of the nice things we from after I died. I mean, you got all of the fucking good stuff,” Amy rolled her eyes as she shifted in her seat a lilt bit before smiling at me. “I mean, Ash Vlogs was amazing.” 

“Really?” I cocked my head to the side a little bit. “I didn’t like that one all that much. Felt too uneventful to me.” 

“That must’ve been Kurt. He fucking hated Ash Vlogs. Liked Marble Hornets a lot better.”

“Kurt…,” My voice was barely above a whisper due to the fact that I was so embarrassed that I hated myself for not recognizing him sooner and brought back his previous comment in my own mind. “Thank you…you don’t know how much the Crüe helped me through hard times.”

“I do know and you don’t have to thank me. It was one of those things that we all agreed on. I mean, we all decided that it was going to be the best possible thing for you.” 

“It means more than you can ever know. It means so much to me that all of you have decided to keep me safe.” 

“It means nothing to us, your thanks. We are in your debt forever. We all know that you keep our souls safe. It will never be anything to us to keep you safe. You have done so much for us without even knowing it. You are our guardian demon in a sense.”

I chuckled a little bit as I shook my head. Kurt moved closer to me and wrapped a glowing arm around me. It felt heavy. Like an actual arm was sitting there. I smiled a little bit as I leaned my head on his shoulders. We sat in silence for a bit. I didn’t want to leave them. I never wanted to leave them. They were the ones who had brought me so much comfort in my times of need. They were the friends I never knew I had. I knew they were the only lifelong friends I was going to have forever. I was their protector forever and they were mine.

“So is this like DID or something? I mean…it kind of seems like DID. Minus the little bit of trauma. You guys seem to be head mates instead of souls.” 

“I mean, you did have trauma at the very tail end of the age you develop your personality. I mean, there might be something but I think it was a little too late for you. It wouldn’t be a possibility. We are definitely souls trapped in here no matter how bad it is to hold on to, we’re here for the rest of your goddamn life. As much as I kind of hate it in here. It’s way too fucking dark and gloomy. You need to get happier.”

“Get happier?” I tilted my head to the side as I looked him over as I turned to the other side to see if anyone else might want to answer the question. 

“Yeah, whenever you’re happy, like truly happy like around Dean or Loki or James it gets a lot brighter in here. Everything gets sunny and happy. One of the beautiful little ponds in Lake View Cemetery. The one near the hill.” 

“Yeah. It’s amazing. I’ve never seen a sight quite like it before. I mean, it is the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen,” Kurt smiled at the two of us as he leaned back. “I loved it.”

The area around us changed a little bit. The whole place was charging, brightening up. The air kicked up around us. It had gone from being as still as a mountain to a light breeze. The sun peaked out of a wall of black. The ground, whatever it was underneath us, turned into grass. I smiled a little bit as I was met with the hill and the pond I had missed so fucking much but had never really said out loud or even though about before. My mind, I guess, had subconsciously told these guys that I had missed the place. Or my mind just made it my happy place no matter what. It had been my happy place. 

“Yeah,” My voice barely above a whisper. “Very beautiful. I miss it here, I really do. Away from all the chaos and disruption of my own fucking house that I just kind of liked it a lot more.” 

Amy smiled a little bit before her face twisted back to seriousness, “Anyhow, anything you have a burning question about?” 

“Yeah, how the hell do I get back here? Seems like you guys just pull me in?”

“If you think about this happy place hard enough then you can always come back. Plus, we are always here like a conscious of sorts. It doesn’t matter what the hell you do, you can kind of just ask a question as well.” 

I nodded a little bit as I leaned back, “And how the hell do I get out of here?”

“Think about that Dean kid you like so much. He’ll always bring you back to earth.”

I nodded once more as I leaned back a little bit further. My eyes closed as I thought about Dean. His hair. His scent. His smile. The little freckles on his cheeks. The way his eyes crinkled when he smiled. The way he looked at me when I caught him. His eyes amazing green eyes. I smiled at the thought of it as I leaned back a little bit and got comfy in the idea of Dean. 

A pull deep with in my stomach. A comfortable heat building where my stomach was. My eyes not wanting to open. I kept my eyes closed anyways. I felt the pull through the movement. The air around me had stilled. The grass was no longer underneath my fingers. No warmth on my skin. No sun. 

~

I opened my eyes to another hospital room with my head pounding more than ever. It felt like my head was going to explode on impact. The usual suspects were all around me. James looked more worried than anything. I was super happy. A lot happier than I had ever been. I felt a lot more happy know that I had some more guidance. My eyes darted to everyone. Loki still wearing the blood stained shirt that he had worn when I had died. His eyes were bloodshot with bags underneath them. I felt really bad for him since he only knew me dead and alive but never moving from one state to the other.

I moved a little bit as the others moved in succession with me. Loki perked up and smiled at me. His eyes went a little bit wide as I looked at him. He smiled at me a little bit as he moved in his seat a little bit. I smiled a little bit as I looked him over. He shifted a little bit more in his seat, standing up to walk over to me. A smile crossed his face as he looked me over. He smiled happily and hugged me closer. I smiled a little bit more as I wrapped my arms around him. 

“I am so sorry that I let you die like that. Apparently I couldn’t try and save you. At least I couldn’t do more than just watch over you and made sure you got here.” 

“I know. I know. It feels really bad dying,” Loki let up on me and looked me in the eyes. “But I will be okay. I will always be okay. I’ve got s team of people keeping me alive…which sounds a little weird but it is true.”

“What kind of team,” Dean spoke up a little bit. “We’re the only team you’ve got.” 

“No, I’ve got another team behind me. There are people in my head…which sounds a little odd but like…there’s this team of souls keeping me alive.”

Cas looked up a little bit, pulling his head out of his hands as he looked me over, “You have found them then, haven’t you?”

I tilted my head a little bit to the side and looked him over, “Found who? You know, the people in my head?”

Cas did the same puppy dog head tilt, “Well, the souls residing in your body…if that makes any sense to you.” 

“Yes, the 27 club is there…in my head. They are all there. They have been guiding me for as long as I’ve been alive it seems like.” 

Cas nodded a little bit and leaned back. He smiled a little bit and chuckled a little bit. Dean shot his angel friend a look then shot a similar one at me. I wanted to speak but Cas gave me a look that said not to say anything. I looked down at my own lap. My eyes then drifted to Hel. She nodded her chin towards the angel and gave a shrug as I turned back to Dean. 

“What the hell would that entail even? Does that mean you have a soul then?” 

“No,” Cas interjected. “That doesn’t mean that he has a soul. He still doesn’t have one. He’s got hellfire for a soul but he has souls inside of him does that make any sense to anyone but Noah and I.”

“Yeah, it’s kind of hard to explain since it’s not nessicarily the norm. I don't even think it’s the norm for us. Though I don’t think anything about us is normal other than the fact that we’re not normal.” 

Dean’s eyebrow perked up in a bit of a blue steel kind of way, “Let me get this straight, so you still don’t have a soul but you have souls residing in you?”

I nodded as I looked into his eyes a little bit, “Yeah. That’s how it goes a little bit…I guess. It’s still kind of weird to say that.” 

Dean nodded a little bit as he leaned back into his seat. Loki shot me a little bit of a look before sitting back in his seat. I nodded a little bit as I did the same. I didn’t want to speak again. My voice was still a little bit hoarse. I hadn’t really used it in awhile. I had used it in the spirit world but that was about it. I shifted a little bit before opening my mouth a little bit. 

“So, we’re all just going to fucking pretend that I have multiple ghosts just chilling out in my body or are we going to just skip over that?”

Dean forced a bit of a frown and tilted his head to the side a little bit, “Think I’m going to elect to ignore that little fact. It would make sex a little weird, don’t you think?”

“It’s kind of like you were having sex with Kurt Cobain,” I joked earring no laughs from anyone but Sam who always took part in any jokes against his brother.

Dean groaned a little bit and rubbed his eyes with his hands, “Oh god no. I really fucking liked him and now you’re saying I technically fucked him?”

“I mean, yeah. Technically you fucked Kurt Cobain,” I paused a moment. “Would it be bad to say that you blew his mind?”

First of all, rude. Second of all, yes, yes it would. I did not have sexual relations with Dean. I did not.

Did you just reference The Room or is the just me? I never saw that movie, how did you know that reference?

Because it was in that goddamn CinemaSins video.

My head pounded once more. The pounding inside my head was a lot worse then the one before but that was still a pain I wasn’t going to want to go through again.

I chuckled a little bit, “Kurt says he never fucked you. Think he blacked that part out.”

“And how the fuck are you communicating with him right now,” I tapped my temple. “Oh like some Professor X type shit?”

I shrugged a little bit, “I mean, kind of. I don’t really know how any of this shit works, my dude.”

Dean leaned back and sighed a little bit as I looked down at my hands. My eyes drifted up to Cas who still looked a little worried. James was wringing his hands together. His shoes were worn. He looked like a man out of time. It was very odd for him. He was from heaven and much like Cas when we first met him. It made me a little bit terrified that I had to teach him everything about human life. I shook my head a little bit as I tired to sit up in my bed. I was completely fine. I was tired but I knew I was gone. I was always gone after dying. 

“So how the hell are you going to get out of here? I mean. We don't have much time to find…”

“Jim motherfucking Morrison. Tricky as hell bastard whom I had the displeasure of meeting once before. Though I think I might have pissed him off a little bit.”

I tilted my head to the side a little bit as I looked over at the angel, “And why the hell would that be Castiel?”

“Because I was on a side mission a few decades back, though I assume it’s more current now that since time is a little bit weird. But yeah, met him a little bit and was able to unfortunately mess with him.” 

I shook my head a little bit and sighed. “Then I don’t think it would be safe for you to be out and around. Even if you are in here, in that vessel, I don’t think that you are going to be of much help.”

Cas nodded a little bit as he sat back down. I smiled a little bit and let my eyes drop to my hands to my own lap. Dean sighed a little bit as he leaned back a little bit more. I set my eyes down a little bit as I looked down at my own hands. He smiled a little bit as he moved towards me. I kept my eyes down on my hands a little bit. 

“So when the hell do I get out of here? Or do I have to sit here for a few more days and ‘recover’?” 

Dean half stood up, his hands perched on the armrests, “I can go get a nurse and say you want out?”

“Please?” I pleaded as I looked at Dean. He shifted out of the seat and moved out of the room. 

“So you actually think that you’re going to be okay? Not have a lot of damage done to your body?”

“I mean, I can’t just sit here forever. I need to get out of here so that we can help whomever we need to save.” Loki stood up as he shifted over to the other side of the room, “So you’re just going to go out and around with a fucking bullet hole in your abdomen?”

“Well yeah? What do you expect me to do? Just sit here for a few days healing while that bitch Elizabeth could be out there getting the others?”

“Your body may be able to take the hits but you still have a human vessel. It can’t handle what your soul is going through. You need to slow down.”

“I’m leaving this hospital but I am going to take it a little bit more slow just for you, okay?”

Loki nodded and sat back down in his seat. Dean walked back in and sat down. A woman came in a few moments later with some paperwork for me to sign. I smiled a little bit as I signed the papers. I was handed a plastic baggie of pill bottles with a prescription paper to have filled out once I ran out. Loki was a bit more reserved. I was in a little bit of pain which could have been the morphine wearing off. The nurse handed me Hel moved around a little bit as she looked at me with tired eyes. 

Loki helped me up, a hand on my back as I stood up and shuffled me towards the bathroom. I smiled a little bit as he handed me my bag of tattered clothes. We both chuckled as I pulled my bloodstained shirt out of the bag. An actual hole in the stomach of it. My jeans were destroyed with the blood of myself, wish it had been my enemy’s blood instead but I had to take what I could get, and resembled that of just…torn denim which sucked major ass. I sighed a little bit, the shirt had been one of my favorites. A more ‘vintage’ Ice Nine Kills tour shirt. But now it was stained with blood. Though it looked a lot better now with the bloodstains on it. 

“So,” I leaned my head out of the bathroom, pushing my own wound down a little bit. “Can I get some better clothes or am I going to have to wear bloodstained clothes out of here and possibly get myself arrested?”

Dean groaned a little bit as he stood up once more. He headed out of the room as Loki shuffled me back to the hospital bed. I turned my eyes to the mirror next to my bed. My eyes were the only thing that seemed to remain about me that had been unchanged. My jawline was now more square. My chest flat once more. My muscles were of a more masculine build. The death I had taken was more so of a rebuilder for my body. It wasn’t completely untouched. Scars and bruises still remained on my own body. Ones I still had no idea where they came from. 

“Jesus my body hurts a little bit,” I turned to Thor who was still waking up from a little bit of a nap. “Come on buddy, wake up a little bit.” 

Thor shot up a little bit and looked at me a little bit. He rubbed his eyes a little bit as he moved down in his seat a little bit. He smiled a little bit as I looked at him. He shifted again a little bit as he looked me over. We all waited for Dean to come back because he was the one who was supposed to have some more clothes for me. Dean came back a few minutes later as he looked me over. I smiled as he set some clothes down onto my lap. 

Loki helped me stand up once more I went back into the bathroom. The shirt was some tourist shirt with itchy pants. I sighed a little bit but it was all we had for now. I was lucky enough to have Dean who went and got some more food. I leaned against Loki a little bit and sighed as I attempted, in vain, to get my own clothes on.

Loki sighed as reached his hands out and looked at me, “Here. Let me help you out.”

“I think I got this,” I groaned a little bit as I tried to put on my own pants but couldn’t, pain shooting through my side. “Okay. Okay. I don’t got this.”

Loki shook his head as he looked me over. He sighed as he helped my pull on my pants. With one quick glance in the mirror I caught the weirdness that my body had gone through. The bruises and cuts weren’t supposed to be on me. They probably belonged to someone else. They were supposed to be on someone else’s body. Even now I had a hole in my body. I kept my eyes on Loki as I turned away from my own reflection. Loki smiled as he looked into my eyes. 

“You look like shit,” Loki commented on my body as he looked me over then leaned and smelled me even though he already had some superhuman smelling. “And you smell like shit too. What the hell happened to you.” 

“Hell,” I paused for a moment as Loki gave me a look. “Not literally but figuratively.”

“Then you really went through hell,” Loki smiled as he pulled the shirt over my own eyes. I smiled a little bit as I laid my head on his shoulder a little bit. It made me feel a lot more safe. “Like, you’re out of breath even just putting on some fucking clothes.”

“I may be full of hell but my body is still human,” I took a deep breath. “My body is still very human and is prone to human tiredness.”

Loki shook his head as he lead me out of the bathroom. Dean stood out of his chair and looked me over. I looked and felt like shit. I knew I did. I had already checked myself in the mirror. Dean looked very worried. His eyes were all over me. Sam looked up at me and stood up as well. He also looked very worried about me. I smiled a little bit as I walked out of the hospital room with Loki on my side. Everyone else followed me out of the room. The rattling of plastic bottles in a plastic bag was all too much a reminder of my pain. 

Dean caught up to me a little bit and wrapped an arm around me, “Jim Morrison, yeah?” 

“I think so,” I rubbed my eyes a little bit as I walked down the stairs. “I think he should be here soon.” 

“Like, what the hell is that supposed to mean? I’m sorry about that but honestly you’re leaving some of us in the dark.”

Loki shot Dean an angered look, “And Noah is just supposed to give away all of his secrets to you?” 

Dean looked at me as we kept walking down the stairs, “And so are you going to let Loki speak for you, are you Noah?” 

“I don’t really give a shit to be honest,” I yawned a little bit as I looked at him. “I’m just a little bit tired.” 

“Come on, we got you into some sleep,” Dean sighed as he looked over me. I looked at Dean as he helped me out of the hospital along with Loki.

~

Dean sat down on the foot of the bed, “Jim Morrison. How the hell did he die again?”

“Heart failure. But what’s weird is that he died two years to the day that Brian Jones died.” 

Dean straightened up a little bit as he looked at his brother, “That’s interesting.”

“It’s the only interesting thing about the list. The fact that he died two years to the day that Brian Jones died.”

Sam sighed a little bit, “That’s it. That’s the only really interesting thing about the list. Trust me, I checked. Everyone else has nothing weird besides the connection to Noah and Elizabeth. This is the only weird thing about their little list of vendettas.” 

I rolled my eyes a little bit, “I mean, that’s a little weird but it doesn’t really matter in the scheme of things.”

Sam nodded a little bit as he set up my binder at the table. He leaned over the books and sighed a little bit. He looked completely tired. We all looked tired. We all needed some sleep. Maybe some food. But we were in the hotel with some scraps in the kitchen from whomever was here last. It wasn’t that bad looking but we had no idea how long it had been in there. It could be bad food. It probably was and we had aired on the side of caution and had thrown it out into the trash.

“I don’t know why the hell you’re looking in there. I don’t think there’s any good information in there.” 

Sam shrugged a little bit, “We have to keep track of you and how you’re going to die somehow.”

Sam took out a pen and started making ticks in the table of contents. Rage went through my body as words bubbled up and out of my throat, “Stop marking up my own binder. Get your own and do that in your own book.” 

I yanked the binder back and held it to my chest. Sam raised his hands up and looked me over. The binder was cold underneath my fingers. It held no warmth that I had ever felt. Sam sighed lightly as he let his eyes drop down to the pen that he had dropped down to get it. I sighed a little bit as Loki set me back down. 

“Come on,” Loki looked into my eyes with his voice soft. “Let him mark it up just a little bit.” 

“No, it’s my fucking binder. The same one I had worked on for fucking years and he goes about just marking it the fuck up like an asshole.”

“I’m sorry Noah,” Sam sighed a little bit as he leaned back into his chair. “Can we please just get through this? I want to go back home. Cas needs to recharge and Dean needs to go back home as well. We have kids and a newly formed amputee back home and now we have three hellhounds turned humans in our charge. Ones we-and no offense to you guys-didn’t even really want here in the first place.”

“Come on, I needed them for my little bit of peace of mind. I wanted to be safe when left alone with an. Angel who wanted to fucking kill me two days ago.”

Dean sighed and leaned back into his seat as he shot an angered look at James. James shifted in his seat a little bit and looked at me a little bit. He smiled a little bit before going back to his own seat. I sighed a little bit as I shifted in my seat a little bit before leaning back into my seat. I kept my eyes down as I moved to the side as I looked up at Dean. 

~

I tapped my toes at the bar. My eyes drifted around as I looked over at Hel. She was at the corner of the bar sipping on a shot of whiskey which was in itself odd to anyone who actually drank alcohol. But I couldn’t really give her any pointers as I didn’t want to screw up Jim’s line of sight on her. Hel shifted a little bit in her seat as I took another sip of my own drink. I smiled at Dean as I looked down at my own hands. The air was electric as I turned away from her to shoot a look towards Dean. My eyes moved a little bit as he looked me in the eyes. Two women hung on his arms but he only looked over at me. I smiled a little bit as I shifted back to Hel who was chatting up Jim who was leaning against the table a little bit. Hel smiled over at me with her eyes on me. The little plan we had went into action. 

I kept my eyes down as I got up out of my seat. Dean smiled at me a little bit as I looked him over. I kept my eyes on him and strode over to him. The two women stood up and went away as Dean’s eyes were only on me. I placed a hand on his shoulder as I sat down next to him. My own eyes shifted to Hel who was still chatting up Jim. Dean kneed my cheek a little too stiffly. I assumed he was still a little mad about my own soul. I moved a little bit as I looked into his eyes. 

“Come on Dean, you can’t really still be mad at me for my own soul,” I whispered into his eyes. “I have no control over it.” 

Dean shrugged a little bit as he got up out of his seat as he lead me back into the restroom. I touched Hel’s shoulders signaling for her to hurry it up a little bit. Dean sighed a little bit as he lead me into a stall. His eyes were on me as he smiled a little bit. I had no idea whether if it was a genuine smile or not. My eyes shifted to his green eyes as he looked me over. 

“No, no, just not in the mood to play pretend sex right now,” Dean smiled and placed his lips on my neck. “I’d rather have real sex.”

“We can’t do that,” I stifled back a moan as Dean nipped at my neck. “We have to listen for Hel’s call if anything goes wrong.” 

“Mmm, we can do a little bit as long as you keep your moans in,” Dean smiled a little bit as I looked at him. “Aren’t you wonderful? So soft…”

I could feel my own vagina, a part of me that I had always been pretty disconnected with, get wet with excitement. Such a small thing to do but I still got hornier and hornier with every single touch he had on me. I smiled a little bit as Dean felt me up. His eyes moved over me as he felt every bit of my skin. I shifted under his eyes and touch. He smiled at me a little bit as he kneeled a little bit. I kept my eyes on Dean’s as he fiddled with my own pants. 

“Even in these cheap-o clothes you still look so good,” Dean pulled my pants down and looked me over. I shifted under his gaze a little bit. “Come on just keep your eyes on me. That’s it. Just keep your eyes on mine. That’s all you have to you. I’m going to make you feel good.”

I kept my eyes on his as he looked me over. He got closer and closer to my own little place. His eyes were still on mine as I looked him over. His lips touched my folds. I shivered little bit as I kept my eyes on his. I only had to keep my eyes on his. I felt a little bit better pleasuring him but having some sort of pleasure wan’t that bad. Dean smiled up as his tongue darted into me. I moaned a little bit as. I looked into his eyes, never wavering from the point that I had on his eyes. Dean kept darting his tongue in and out of my core and smiled up at me a little bit before stopping. He sighed as he held a hand next to me. He smiled a little bit as he went down to my neck.

“You didn’t have to stop,” I whispered as I looked him over but he didn’t let up on my neck as I sniffled another moan in my mouth. “I’m sorry.” 

“I am sorry for making you go through that. I shouldn’t have tried to do that to you.” 

I nodded a little bit as I shifted underneath his gaze. Dean smiled at me as he shifted a little bit. He kissed me a little bit as he moved over my neck and body. I kept an ear out for Hel and any other noises. It was hard to tell the over all of the music but yet it was a little bit better than what I had already been going through. I let my head go down and blanked out of the encounter with Dean. He kissed me all over and slipped some fingers into my core. I shifted a little bit underneath his own fingers. My eyes shifted to the other side. 

A pounding on the side of the door. My eyes shifted to the other side of the room. My eyes shifted to Dean and he stopped. The feeling going away. I darted out and went out into the hallway. Dean followed close after me. Hel held up a slightly drunk Jim Morrison. She smiled lightly and looked me over. She began dragging the man towards me. She sighed a little bit as she shifted the weight of the man into my own arms. I tossed the man over my shoulder and held him up a little bit. 

I sighed a little bit as I walked Jim out of the bar, “Alright, gonna add kidnapping to my long list of offenses.” 

“Have you never actually kidnapped someone before today?” Dean tilted his head to the side and looked me over a little bit. 

“No, and I hoped I wouldn’t have to do something like that and yet here we are.” 

Dean propped open the backdoor for me and let me out of the bar. I smiled a little bit as Hel walked out before me. Sam and Cas were already awaiting for us. James, Thor and Loki were all alone at the hotel working on the set up. Dean opened up the trunk as I tossed him into the trunk. I smiled a little bit as there was no struggle from him. It was super weird but I expected more of a struggle. I closed the trunk with ease as I shifted a little bit in my seat. Dean smiled at me as we all went into the car. 

~

“So that’s Jim Morrison,” Cas tilted his head to the side a little bit. “He looks a lot rougher than what I remember.”

“I mean, that’s defiantly him,” I lifted the shirt up and showed off a small tattoo on him. “Right where I thought it would be.”

Sam crossed his arms as he looked the man over a little bit, “He doesn’t look the best right now. What are we going to do?”

“We can’t wait out the rest of the night. I mean…he would still die but we should at least talk to him a little bit, don’t you think?”

Dean smiled a little bit as he turned to me, “Can I do all of the talking?”

Against all better judgment I responded, “Yes, you can do all of the talking Dean.”

I walked over to the bed and laid down. My eyes were heavy as I looked over to Dean. He nodded a little bit and let me close my eyes. Loki walked over and laid down next to me. A soft smile appeared on my face as I rolled over in my sleepy state. Dean’s footsteps moved over the hotel room as he moved around. Sam groaned. I could hear him walk over to the other bed and say down on the other side of the room. San turned on the TV to some sort of news channel but that was about it. I shifted a little bit as I opened my eyes. I kept my eyes on Loki’s feeling a bit more safe. 

Dean moved forward as he set a hand on Jim’s shoulders. Jim stirred a little bit but went back to sleeping. My eyes shifted to the man in the room. The one out of place. My eyes shifted to Dean who looked a little too giddy. I smiled a little bit as I moved away from Loki a little bit. I kept my eyes on Dean as I stood up. Loki placed a hand on my shoulder as I stood up. My body moved a little bit in the wrong way and tugged at the stitches. I sighed a little bit and moved back in the right direction. I yelped in a little bit of pain. 

Dean shot up and moved straight to get a cup and some water. He grabbed a handful of my pills after looking over the paper as he looked me over. I smiled a little bit as he handed me some of my own pills. He smiled weakly before handing me some of the water, helping me take some of the pills. Loki growled a little bit before I held up a hand to silence him. My eyes shifted to Dean and smiled at him. Dean looked a little worried as he shot a look to Loki. I looked down a little bit as I moved a little bit. 

Jim moved a little bit as he looked at me. Dean shifted a little bit as I sat down in my room a little bit. I kept my eyes towards Jim. He stirred a little bit as I looked him over. Jim was being to wake up. My own eyes shifted back to Loki who looked like he was completely tired. Jim groaned once more as he looked me over. He gave me a smile as he tilted his head back towards me. 

“Aren’t you a looker,” Jim smiled a little bit as he looked me over. “Gorgeously hideous man.”

“Thanks for the compliment,” I pulled up my middle finger and smiled a little bit at the man. “And, aren’t you a little shit.” 

“Well I’m sorry but you’ve got the ugliest soul I have ever seen in my fucking life.” 

I let out a soft giggle as I looked him over, “Awe, the human think he can see into my soul.” 

Dean stood back a little bit. I blinked I surprise. This was the first time I had referred to myself as less than human. Cas shifted in his seat in a little bit and gave me the same look. Sam had his jaw on the floor practically. I wanted to cover up my own mistake but it was too late now. I couldn’t do anything now. The silence had already permitted the air. I slinked back into my seat and looked at him. My eyes darted back to Jim who smiled a little bit. 

“I could see that your soul was bad and now you just revealed that to me. You’re going to reveal anything else?”

I shook my head wordlessly in hopes that I wouldn’t in fact reveal anymore. Dean sighed a little bit as he looked at me before making Jim turn his attention to me. I laid back down as I relished in my own speech. I felt like I was a little bit of a monster. It had finally settled in. Especially now that I was referring to someone as human. It meant I could no longer assume that I was human as well. A label I had been trying to keep ever since I found I was a monster. Well, more monster than human being. Dean smiled as he smacked Jim across the face. 

Jim chuckled a little bit, still tied to the chair, “Kidnapping and assault? Wow, are you going to add more charges to the list you’ve already started?”

“You’re going to be dead by midnight so there’s going to be no charges brought against us otherwise.”

Jim chuckled a little bit before turning back to be, “Oh, so you’re going to murder me?” 

“No,” I chimed in. “You’re going to die of heat failure. We brought you here to make sure you’re okay because otherwise you would be tortured and killed by a witch named Elizabeth.” 

“And why am I supposed to believe the people who just fucking kidnapped me using a fucking Greek goddess?”

“Norse,” Hel hissed. “Norse goddess, we tend to be more built because we actually fought instead of just looking pretty, and I am not the goddess of the underworld. Only share here name. But I will gladly send you to her in a heartbeat.”

“Come on Hel, you shouldn’t kill him now. It’s not worth the bloodshed. We can’t really do anything about it right now.”

I kept my eyes on Dean as I stood up and walked over to Jim. He sighed a little bit as I sat on his lap. Jim smiled a little bit before I wrapped a hand around his throat and squeezed as hard as I could. I didn’t actually hit his hyoid and crush it. I just squeezed enough to let his face go red. He smiled a little bit as he moved in his seat just enough for me to sit more comfortably in his seat. I smiled a little bit as I squeezed a little bit more, lifting myself up to gain more leverage. 

“Noah,” Dean yanked me off of the man as I shifted in my seat a little bit. “Don’t kill him. Whatever you do to him might happen t-”

Dean dragged me into the hotel bathroom and pointed to my neck. There was a red handprint around my neck. I sighed a little bit as I looked at him a little bit. I shrugged a bit as it was just one more bruise on my body as I shifted a little bit in my place. He sighed a little bit and followed me out of the room. I kept my eyes down as I moved back to Jim. He still was completely fine. Any damage I had dealt him was on me. Some sort of fucked up voodoo doll type shit. 

I shook my head as I looked him over a little bit more. I shifted in my seat a little bit as I looked at him and tired to make sure I was completely okay with that weird fact. Jim looked at me at a kettle but as I looked down at him a little bit. I shifted my body a little bit as I looked at him. He was smiling up at me with such a weird smile that I had no idea what the hell I was going to do. I felt like I was completely weird in the eyes everyone around me. I smiled a little bit as I sat down on his lap. He smiled a little bit as I kept my eyes on him a little bit as I shifted a little bit in my seat as I moved in Jim’s lap a little bit.

Jim smiled a little bit as he looked into my eyes, “So look at this cute little voodoo doll.” 

I felt his hard cock against my inner thigh. He was somehow either really turned on by the fact that I was in here with him. Jim smiled a little bit as he looked around us. He looked over at Hel and smiled at her. He seemed to want her. Want to fuck her. His eyes drifted back to me and he smiled a little bit as I shifted away from him, off of his lap and into Dean’s area. 

“You hover too much around that man. You are too invested in him,” Jim smiled a little at me as he cocked his head in the side. “Just attached to his hip. I mean, what the fuck.”

“He’s my boyfriend,” I rolled my eyes and looked at him a little bit more. I sighed a little bit as I looked at him. “And you have no right to be asking anything right now. We have to keep you safe.”

Jim sighed a little bit as he looked me over a little bit and shifted in his seat, “So keeping me safe means I can’t talk to you at all? I mean, you kidnapped me then say a witch is going to kill me if I so much as leave your sight?”

I sighed a little bit as I turned away from Jim and walked over to Dean a little bit more. He locked eyes with my own eyes. I sighed a little bit as I moved back to Dean, grabbing his arms in mine and dragging him back into the bathroom, keeping my eyes on Jim for as long as I could before he was completely out of my field of vision. Dean grunted a little bit as he looked me over. 

“He is onto us, he is definitely onto us,” My own whisper was panicked as I shot a look in the general direction of Jim. “How the hell does he know about my soul. Only you, Cas, Sam, James, my hounds, Samantha…that’s a lot of people but you get the point by now. There’s only a select few people who know what my soul is made of. So Stevie must have told him…right? She must have told him. She had to have…”

“Noah, calm down. He may have just made a lucky guess which you stupidly confirmed.” 

“How the hell did he even know to say that is what I’m asking Dean. He fucking knows something more than what he’s letting on. I know that much.”

Dean shook his head a little bit as he moved a little bit around the bathroom, “There’s nothing we can do right now. I don’t know what to tell you.” 

He walked out with nothing more than a shrug. I shook my head a little bit as I moved out with him. My eyes shifted to Jim as he smiled at me. He seemed to have known about my little freakout. I sighed as I placed a hand on his shoulder. He smiled a little bit as I did so before turning his head to Hel. She gave him a little bit of a smile before grabbing some food out of the fridge. Jim’s stomach grumbled a little bit and smiled weakly at me. 

“Do you want some food,” Hel snarled a little bit as I shot her a silencing look. She may be human but she was still under my command. “Or do you just want to sit there and starve in your last hours?”

“I want to sit here and starve until you tell me about all the hell why you’re here, yeah?”

I sighed a little bit and looked at Dean. He shrugged a little bit. Sam gave me the same kind of shrug just a millisecond apart from Dean. They truly were brothers. James sat down at the table across from Jim. Jim shifted a little bit and looked at James whose face screwed up in pain. James’ eyes moved a little bit towards mine, becoming dark red and beginning to tear up and cry blood. He began spurting up some blood. He gave me a weak smile as Jim kept his intense stare at James. I shifted and turned Jim away from James’ view and towards myself. 

My body crippled. My eyes shot to Dean and looked at him but then I moved my gaze back to Jim. His intense stare…it was doing something to me. My heart seized and slowed it’s pumping. I kept my eyes on Jim as I looked him over. I smiled a little bit as I kept taking the damage. My eyes burrowed into his dark ones and shifted little bit. My body slumped down onto the floor with my eyes still on Jim. I no strength to keep my own body up anymore. I shifted a little bit as I looked him over. My eyes were never off of his. Somehow he was inflicting me damgage. My chest tightened as my heart slowed a little bit. 

“Okay, let’s see if this works in reverse,” I placed a hand on Jim’s knee and his body almost immediately went limp, dead. 

All pain in my body was gone. I was able to stand up and move around the room. I smiled a little bit as I looked at Dean. I flexed my fingers before placing a hand on my heart. I smiled a little bit as I moved in my place a little bit before looking at Cas. His face was completely horrified and took a step back. He frowned a little bit as I took a step to close the distance between us. 

“We need to go.”


	19. Eighteen

Cas held some cuffs out in front of me and slapped them onto my wrists before pushing me into a seat. I shifted in my seat to get more comfortable. Cas placed a hand on my shoulder and looked me in the eyes. What was going to happen wouldn’t be comfortable. I knew that much. This was the only way to figure out what happened. At least in Cas’ mind. I would have to humor him if I were to ever get out of here. Dean paced nervously back and forth behind his angel friend biting his nails a little bit. I looked down at my hands as Cas turned to his friends. 

“It might help if you two close your eyes,” He turned back to me as I parted my lips in a question. “I don’t think you have to at all. Hell soul…think the rules are a little different.”

James covered his own eyes even if he didn’t have to. Sam and Dean followed suit. Hel, Loki and Thor went outside. They walked out of the room to protect me. I shifted a little bit as I moved in my seat in an attempt to wait for Cas’s signal. He smiled a little bit at me as he moved towards me. I shifted a little bit once more. He placed his other hand on my other shoulder and looked me over. 

I nodded a little bit as Cas’ eyes glowed. He was…he was beautiful. His angel soul was gorgeous. I didn’t even know how to begin to describe him. There were wings, obviously. Huge, black wings that stretched farther than my own eyes could see. He was definitely taller than the Empire State Building. That was true enough. His body was glowing in the same white light I had seen before I saw the angel in his true form. I shifted a little bit as I looked him over. I couldn’t see much else besides the light and the wings. But he was huge and seeing this almost made me want to go back and pray to God…to Chuck…to the man I had lost so long ago. 

The light around us faded. Dean and Sam came back into focus. They were covering their eyes with their arms. I shifted a little bit in my seat as I looked Cas over. Cas smiled a little bit as he went down and unlocked my handcuffs, ones that had seemed to have broken and melted to the ground down below. They were iron handcuffs with protection sigils all over them. There was nothing…I guess except me and Eve…that could get through them. My eyes shifted over to Dean whose eyes were wide in shock. 

“Well, you defiantly have a weakness. If we kill hell…if no one ever goes to hell again…and if we get all of these people in hell to transfer to purgatory or heaven then we can make you weaker. If we can even do that then we can gank you like a demon.” 

The revolution was new. It wouldn’t hurt knowing how to kill me. It would make me feel a lot better knowing that I wasn’t going to be this full god or something. As long as I could get souls out of hell then I would be okay. I would just have to see how in the hell that would work. There are a lot of souls in hell. My entire body shivered a little bit. I couldn’t even just think about it. I felt way too bad now that I was in here. Now that I knew what the hell could kill me. It wasn’t that bad. It would have to wait it out though. 

I tilted my head a little bit to the side, “That sounds like a lot of fucking work, don’t you think?” 

“If we have to kill you then we wouldn’t actually have to do that much work.”

“I mean, you would have to get a lot of angels back on our side if you want things to go faster. Would have to get reapers on our side as well. Other than that…moving all of those souls could throw things off.” 

“The whole equilibrium would be a lot worse. I knew that could be a lot worse. We could start a whole other apocalypse.” 

Cas sighed a little bit and shifted on his legs as he moved away from me. He sighed a little bit as I stood from my seat as well and moved around the hotel room. Dean shifted a little bit and wrapped his arms around me. His chest heaved a little bit as he looked me over when he moved back. Sam placed a hand on my back. None of them seemed to be threatened by the whole other apocalypse thing. I don’t think we would ever have to kill me. I wanted to make sure they knew what was at stake. It was killing me over the fate of the entire world. 

“Guys,” I shifted to look at them. “Are you guys realizing the fucking truth here? Killing me could mean the fate of the entire world would rest in your hands. It would literally be killing me over killing everyone else in the entire world.”

Dean smiled a little bit and looked me over, “Don’t think we would have to kill you any time soon.” 

I shook my head a little bit and over to Sam. Sam smiled a little bit and rested a hand on my shoulder. I smiled. I looked down at his hands. I shifted over to him and rested my head on his shoulder. Sam smiled a bit as he looked me over. I smiled at him as well and shivered a little bit. I sighed a little bit as I moved away from him. I looked at Sam in the eyes and shifted my body back and forth a little bit. 

“We’ll protect you as much as possible,” Sam promised. One that would probably end up not being true. “I mean, as much as we could.” 

I shifted a little bit and moved away from the men. I smiled a little bit as I looked at Cas. He had helped us all so much. Especially now. Even if I was probably going to kill them all they were still being semi nice to me. Which as a dream come true. I moved towards the door and moved to let the hounds in. I smiled a little bit as I moved over for them to come in.

Hel crossed her arms in front of her chest, “Found out a way to kill him yet?”

“Yep, found a way. Not much to do other than move souls from hell to either purgatory or heaven to weaken him up and gank him like a demon.” 

Hel nodded a little bit and sat down on one of the beds. I sighed a little bit as I moved to sit on the bed as well. I looked down at my own hands. I shifted a little bit as I did so. I smiled a little bit and looked down. Hel shifted in her seat as she made some room for me. Dean sighed a little bit and looked me over. His eyes scanned me over as I moved a little bit to allow some room for us. I smiled a little bit as Dean wrapped an arm around me.

“Want to go for a little bit of a walk?” Dean smiled a little bit as he shifted in his seat.

I nodded and he moved over his hand over my thigh. I stood up from my own seat as did Dean. I smiled a little bit as I moved up and held his hand in my own. Dean let me led him out of the hotel room. A smile crossed his face as he wrapped an arm around me. I smiled a little bit as he pulled me closer to me. I smiled at the warm air and the sun. I smiled a little bit as Dean kissed my cheek. He kept doing it. 

“I think I owe you a date as soon as we get out of here,” He smiled a little a bit as he looked me over. “I mean, you had been through so much and I want to make it up to you.”

I smiled a little bit as I looked up to him, “Yeah, it’s no problem. I don’t really care about it.” 

“I mean, you deserve it. You have to relax a little bit after the little incident that we’re having right now.”

“I would love to but I wouldn’t actually want to do something like that,” I shifted a little bit in my seat as I moved towards him. Dean placed a kiss on my temple and sighed a little by as I looked at him. 

Dean slid his eyes towards mine to look at me, “You’re too nice, you know that right?”

“Awe come on, there’s got to something that you don’t like about me. I mean, I can be annoying. I am often times full of alcohol instead of I don’t know, water. I get way too aggressive way too fast. I mean…you could do a lot better.”

“All the good men are hunters anyhow,” This made Dean smile geniunintply for once. He leaned down and kissed my cheek once more. “Stop it asshole.”

“Awe, come on. I won’t stop until you’re happy,” He paused. “Like actually happy.” 

I shook my head a little bit, “I’m always happy around you. You know that much.”

Dean smiled wider, if that was even possible and leaned into me. He walked me down the street of a place that wasn’t the best. We were completely desensitized to the first of humanity. It doesn’t actually make me feel any better though. The discarded needles. The blood that hadn’t come out of the concrete. Bullet casings everywhere, tossed into the grass in an attempts to not get caught. Dilapidated buildings that had been forgotten to the government. It wasn’t the worst I had ever seen. I had lived not to far from places like these before I got out of there. It didn’t make me feel any better. I mean, it was still sad. No one had ever cared about it. I shifted a little bit as I looked over at Dean. 

His face was as somber as mine. He seemed to have remembered the same place as I had been. I kept my eyes on his as he moved his eyes around the area. His eyes were completely wild. His body was stiff as well. He moved a little bit as he shifted into me. I smiled a little bit as I looked into his eyes. He smiled a little bit as I moved my eyes into something else. Dean’s breathing was noticeable and a lot more than usual.

I shifted to the side a little bit, away from Dean, as I looked at him, “You okay?” 

“Yeah, just some terrible memories going on through my head right now…” Dean sighed a little bit. “The time I got beat up in a place like this…” 

~

I paced around my own bedroom and looked around. I had already texted Dean and told him to come. But he was late. He was an hour past when he was supposed to be here. The loud moans of my mom were too much to drown out. I had my earbuds in and it was blasting my music so loud that I thought that I was going to be deaf by tomorrow. My own body shook as I looked at the window where Dean was supposed to come through. He was supposed to be here and my nerves were getting the best of me. I shifted in my place to get a better view outside of the window. I sighed a little bit as I moved towards the window in a panicked mess. 

“Come on Dean,” I whispered to myself as I moved to the window and peaked out, tilting my head to either side. I stepped out a little bit and kept my body pressed against the side. “You’re late…”

“I know I’m late,” I shot my eyes to the left and jumped back a little bit. A hand was on the blade that Dean had given to me. He looked like shit. “Can we get inside please?”

I nodded and went back into the bedroom. Dean followed me back in and went to the hallway to check to see if my mom had heard the noise. She was still moaning like a porn star so I assumed she hadn’t. I sighed as I pulled out the little bit of First Aid I did have stored in my room as Dean sat down on my bed. He smiled, his lip puffing up and bleeding, at me as he moved in his seat. I smiled a little bit as I looked at him and kept my eyes on his wounds. My eyes shifted to his green eyes. Well…one green eye as the other one was swollen as fuck. He was only bleeding in the face, his nose bleeding as well, but he was wheezing a little bit. Bruised ribs. 

“Dean…” My voice was soft even though I could speak a lot louder than what I was doing. “What the hell happened to you?”

“Got beat up a little bit…some guys recognized me and hit me in the face…called me a ‘faggot’ and kind of knocked me down. Just caught me off guard, you know?”

I nodded a little bit as I kept moving around his face and fixing up his face. Dean kept his eyes on me as I smiled a little bit. It was comforting letting myself fix him up, at least physically. My eyes shifted to the last of the wounds on his body. Everything else was done. Just some cleaning and bandaging some wounds on his face.

“I would get ice but I’ve been stuck in here all night for the most part. The asshole is here.”

Dean nodded and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close with a wheezing sigh. He kissed my cheek with chapped and bleeding lips. He smiled a little bit as he pulled away from me. A soft smile appeared on my face as I looked at him. My body pressed up against something…hard. He smiled a little bit as I moved down onto my knees. I peeled his pants off a little bit, just enough to confirm the suspicious I had. He was completely hard.

“Shhhh…don’t let your mom catch you doing that,” Dean shifted nervously on my bed. 

I tilted my head to the side as I looked him over, “And what the hell is she going to do? I’m legal.”

“Aren’t you scared that she’s going to fucking walk in on you giving me a blowjob?”

I shrugged a little bit as my hand wrapped around his hardened member, giving it a light squeeze and earning a moan from him, “Then let her do it. I’m not scared of her anymore now.” 

Dean whimpered a little bit as I began stroking him slowly. Up and down. He bit his lip and jerked back, not realizing that his lip was still bleeding. I sighed a little bit and held a finger to my lips as I moved down to place my own lips on his hea-

~

My own head pounded once more. I groaned slightly as I held my temples in my hands in an attempt to keep my head from exploding. 

Dean shook me a little bit as he snapped me out of my own little daydream, “Noah, are you okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah. I’m okay. Just thinking about the night you came over after getting beat up.”

Dean chuckled a little bit and smiled at me, “Oh yeah, I remember that night. You gave me one of the best blowjobs of my life.”

I faked offense with a hand over my heart, “I wasn’t the best blowjob giver you’ve encountered?” 

Dean chuckled a little bit as we kept moving down the street. I shook my head a little bit as I moved into his body. He smiled a little bit as he kissed my cheek. We kept our heads together as we moved into each other. I smiled a little bit as he held my hand in his. I smiled a little bit more as I looked at him. He smiled a little bit as he wrapped an arm around me. I smiled a little bit more as he looked me over with some deep ‘fuck me’ eyes.

“I mean, there are some people who top you,” Dean chuckled a little bit and lifted an eyebrow towards me. “But I wouldn’t know right now since we haven’t fucked in awhile.” 

Dean smiled a little bit as he moved into my body. He pulled me a little bit closer as I smiled a little bit. He smiled a little bit as I leaned into him. We turned back to walk back to the hotel room in a comfortable bubble. A small smile on my face as I moved with him back into the room. James shook his head a little bit as we walked back into the room. My eyes shifted to Sam and Cas. Both of whom did the exact same thing. I sighed a little bit as I moved over to the other side of the room and away from Dean to keep my eyes off of him. I smiled a little bit as I looked him over once more before turning my attention to Loki. Loki smiled a little bit and looked me over just as well. 

Sam was the first to break the silence, “So like…we’re going after who this time?” 

“Uhhhhh,” I opened up my binder which already sat on the bed. “Linda Jones, complications from diabetes.”

Loki raised his hand as if he were in an elementary school, “Is no one going to bring up the fact that Noah essentially killed a man?” I raised a finger and pointed it at Cas, “Yeah, about that. What the actual fuck happened?” 

“Seems like Jim had some sort of powers. Like you said, you seem to be some sort of reverse voodoo doll. Whatever damage you deal to the people you’re connected to comes back to you. Whatever damage they are dealt is brought back to you. Which explained all of the cuts and bruises on your body that haven’t even seemed to heal. I don’t even think that I can heal you.” 

“Great, so when Jim was giving me a heat attack…or whatever the hell that was, when I touched him I dealt damage to him?”

Cas nodded a little bit as he looked me over. He smiled a little bites he looked me over. I shifted a little bit as his gaze went over me. Dean sat down on the foot of the bed as the others looked me over. I felt even more like a monster than ever before. I wanted nothing more than to return to a more normal sense of self. I just wanted to sit down and do nothing. I wanted to go home. I wanted nothing more than that. To go home and hide in my bedroom away from everyone else with my books and other people.

“It sounds more confusing than I think it has to be though,” Cas sighed a little bit as he shifted in his seat as he stood up from his seat as I looked at him get closer and closer to me. “But we’ll figure it out.”

“Come on, we’ve got to find her. Though I think she might be in the hospital or at home.” 

Dean nodded as he wrapped his jacket around his shoulders as he moved away from me. I kept my eyes on him for a few seconds before I shifted away from him and my eyes away from Dean. I threw on a jacket all the same as I kept my eyes on the ground. Cas shifted a little bit, already ready for what were about to do. Sam threw on a jacket as well and looked me over. Loki, Hel and Thor all stood up from their respective spots in unison. Their bodies went stiff as they looked me over. I shifted a little bit in my seat as my eyes shot between them. Each one of them waited for my commands. 

“Come on, you’re not dogs at the moment. You don’t have to wait for any commands.” 

They nodded in unison as they moved around the hotel room in search of jackets they didn’t have at all. Dean shifted a little nervously as his eyes darted to Loki. He looked the hound over as Loki’s own muscles flexed in search of the nonexistent jacket. This went on for a few moments before they went out of the door of the hotel room. Dean followed suit. Then Sam and then Cas. James was the last one to leave before me. I shoved the binder into my bag, looking down at it for a moment before heading out. I searched through the pages looking at the bodies. The ones who had been marked up by Elizabeth, apparently, were still marked up. The ones who hadn’t remained clean. 

Does Sam know? Has he looked as far into the binder as I have? 

My head pounded again. This time the searing pain was more than what I could handle. I dropped to my knees for a moment before lifting my body back up. 

He had to have. There were no marks on any of the bodies before. Not even when they were brought up by Sam. Not even when Elizabeth started killing. They had never been there. But now they were. They weren’t penned or penciled in. After years of looking over autopsy reports and even now, meticulously looking over the autopsy photos and reports after starting this case, there were no mentions of the marks on the body. They were nonexistent. Can I just see them? Am I the only one who can see these marks? There was nothing to assume otherwise and yet I seemed to be the only one besides Sam who could see them. 

Thud. Thud. “Is everything okay in there? Are you coming out or do we have to wait all day for you princess?”

“Why don’t you guys go ahead? I’ve got to research a little bit. Think I might go to the local morgue.” 

“Okay, I guess that we might have to adjust the plan a little bit,” We had no plan. “We’ll send Loki with you to make sure you’re okay.” 

I sighed a little bit as I shut the binder and placed it into my bag. I grabbed a room ket and walked out of the room into the hallway. Loki smiled a little bit as he wrapped an arm around me. My body almost went into his body. I smiled a little bit as I looked at him. His chest was still a little bit puffed out as if he were just in a masculinity contest with Dean He shifted a little but in his place as he looked me over as he moved me out of the hallway and into a stairwell.

He tilted his head a little bit, “Why the hell didn’t you want to go to the morgue with the others?”

“I found something that might actually be more of a lie than anything else. It’s kind of bad…” 

Loki looked me over a little bit as he shifted a little bit in his seat, “And what the hell might that be?” “The marks on the people…I don’t think that it’s something that was there before. I know I have shit memory before but those marks were not there. They had never been there and I should know that.”

“Right. You spent years looking into this shit. Never failed to keep doing this after all of these years…and never failed to keep telling us over and over and over.”

“Anyway, these marks don’t look penciled or penned in. But they weren’t there whenever I checked the book. I mean, wouldn’t you noticed that if one day there weren’t any marks then the next day that there were? I mean, it’s apart of the case I looked most into. The autopsies. What their bodies looked like what was going on with them. I mean…” I let out a soft sigh as I shifted in my spot at the top of the stairs. 

Loki wrapped an arm around me as I moved down the stairs with him. I shifted a little bit under the strong armed man. I placed a decidedly small hand on the the back of his own hand. He smiled a little bit as he moved away from me. His eyes scanned me over, furrowed brows moving over me. A realization washed over me as I looked at him. It felt like I was completely numb to the outside world. Loki placed another hand on my back. He sighed a little bit as he looked me over. 

“What’s wrong Noah?”

“I don’t know if I truly love Dean,” The words feel out before I could even catch them. Loki moved back a little bit. His eyes widened a little bit as he looked me over. 

Loki shook his head a little bit as he let out a soft sigh, “You don’t mean that and you know that.” 

“Of course I do,” I shot back. “I mean, you know I haven’t really had that much of a real connection with him other than the brotherly connection I have with him much like I do with Sam. I have no idea how to keep a normal relationship anyways. I think I just clung to him because he had already been there for me so much. Moving me into college, coming over at the drop of the hat when I texted him to come over, helping me out whenever I could even when I did have other people around me.”

Loki sighed a little bit as he shifted in his place below me. I sighed a little bit as well. Our bodies were still. Completely and utterly still. A pin could drop and make more noise than we were at the moment. Loki placed a hand on my shoulder and moved me down to the other side of him before we sat down on the stairs. He leaned me closer as he held me. Our bodies were closer than they had ever been. Even in hell, we were never this close. Of course we lived and worked together but we kept our distance. We knew we could be ripped away from each other as quickly as we had been put together. 

Loki chuckled a little bit, “I think we need to just sit here for awhile, don’t you think?” 

I nodded all the same as I moved down the stairs a little bit so that I could rest my head on his knee. My eyes shifted up to Loki. He chuckled a deep laugh, vibrating the walls around us, sending a crack up the wall nearest us with a loud pop. This only made Loki laugh a bit louder. I smiled a little bit as the cracks moved up the wall a little bit more. Loki’s thundering laugh was almost as loud as Thor’s but Thor’s sounded, of course, more like thunder. I shifted a little bit as he placed a large hand on my head. A soft smile pulled at my lips. 

“Back to my little theory within a theory,” Loki sighed a little bit as he stopped laughing. “I think that Sam placed the marks on these people, not Elizabeth.”

Loki looked me over as his entire body went stiff underneath my chin, “Wait…what?”

“Yeah,” I looked back to the binder. “I mean, he was the one who helped push the others into going this mission.” 

“So you think he placed them on the bodies because…” Loki prompted moving his hands in a circular gesture away from his chest. 

“To prove a little bit of a point to Cas and Dean. I mean, why else? I also need to lead this hunt as best as I can. I mean…I haven’t really been doing that much to lead these guys.”

Loki sighed a little bit as he moved in his seat and adjusted himself a little bit. He sat back and seemed to think on it for awhile. The air was still once more. I sighed a little bit as I moved away from him, standing back up. Loki sighed once more as he stood up. I shifted in my place as I put on my backpack once more. I shifted a little bit more as I moved down the stairs. Loki followed me a little bit as I lead the charge out of the hotel. 

“I think you’ve done a fabulous job today. So I think you’ve been a very nice leader. Though I don't think it matters much coming from me, does it?” I nodded a little bit as I moved towards him a little bit in attempts to keep safe. Even if I wasn’t looking like a straight up person halfway through transition but it didn’t stop me from getting closer to people when others were walking down the street with us. I shifted back and forth a little bit as I moved closer to me. We both smiled at each other as we bumped into each other. I smiled a little bit as I moved closer to him. We walked in silence for a bit with my arm wrapped around his lightly. 

“So you don’t like Dean,” Loki continued from my comment from earlier which I didn’t think he had remembered. 

“I don’t think so,” I looked up at Loki who was more of a staring option for people then the two guys pretty close to each other. “Feelings are hard man and I have no idea how to figure that shit out.”

Loki crossed his arms in front of him, “Do you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him?”

“Well duh.”

“I meant romantically.”

“Maybe,” A pause. “I don’t know.”

“Have you two ever been on a date?”

“Not really. Not in the sense that you’d think.”

“What’s one thing that you know about him that Sam and Cas don’t know?”

I thought for a moment, “He sleeps with a teddy bear when he thinks no one’s looking.”

“What do you like about him?”

I shrugged a little bit as I kept my eyes facing forward, “He’s strong…emotionally and physically.”

Loki let out a soft sigh, “Do you envision a good future when you think about him?”

“Not necessarily.”

“What would hold you back from having that good future with him?” 

“Nothing. He’s a hunter and he would just hold me back from the future that I do want.” 

“And what the hell do you actually want?” 

“I want to write…keep exploring…take photos and…this is going to sound weird but I really want to get into filmmaking.” 

“That’s not weird at all,” Loki paused for a second. “Do you think Dean would support you if you decided to do that instead of hunting?”

“No,” I paused a little bit as I thought back on my answer a little bit. “No he wouldn’t.” 

“Would he try to keep you in the hunter life?”

I shrugged a little bit, “Yeah, he would. I’m more of an asset then anything else.” 

“Then why the hell would you think that you love him.” Loki sighed a little bit. “I mean, why the hell would you like him if he treats as more of glorified object than anything else?”

I shrugged a little bit, “I don’t know. Only guy who treated me with any decency I guess.” 

“You could have guys fighting over you and yet you stay with the asshole who doesn’t do much except for want to keep you in a lifestyle you clearly don’t want?”

“I do like saving people. It’s one of the best parts of the job. Seeing how many lives we’ve saved.”

“But you don't like the monsters? Or the constant killing? Or the PTSD you all no doubt have?”

“No. Not really but I can’t really go back to whatever old life I was supposed to have. Not with demons and angels going after me. It would be too dangerous to go back to that life now.”

“So you’re essentially trapped here, in this life with no way out? I mean, I love you and all like a second brother but you don’t want to be here obviously.”

“I know. But there’s no turning back now. Not when I can’t even see a future without the Winchesters. They’re family at this point. I would have no one without them.”

Loki sighed a little bit, “This doesn’t sound like the best of situations. You know that right?”

“I know,” I whispered to myself. It was the same rhetoric I had used before I left my mom’s place. “But…they’re family.”

~

I sat in the library hunched over my book with Loki right next to me. He had been here with me for hours. Didn’t even get up to go get food even though his stomach was growling to let him eat but he didn’t move from his spot. His body was stiff in its place as he moved a little bit in his seat. I smiled a little bit as I looked over him, he smiled a little bit as he looked down at his own hands. His stomach growled once more as I shifted in my seat to get more comfortable in my seat.

“You should go get some food Loki,” I sighed a little bit as Loki’s stomach growled once more. “Don’t need to passing out on me now.”

Loki sighed a little bit and looked over at the other patrons in the library, “I’m fine, I need to keep you safe.”

“Loki, you can’t protect me if you aren’t in the shape to protect me and that means being hungry.” 

Loki sighed a little bit as he got up out of his seat, “I’m going to the vending machines. I’ll be back in like…five minutes. If I’m not come find me.” 

I nodded a little bit as I went back to work, sighing as I flipped through the pages. The weight of the others in my mind was a lot more noticeable now that they told me. I hated knowing that they were all in there. It felt like more of a burden than anything else. I could feel them all moving around in there. Their bodies and souls trampling all inside of me. Using me as if I was some place to crash more so than anything else. I shifted a little bit in my seat as I moved away from them.

Loki’s a nice boy, Kurt’s low voice rang out in my head. I sighed a little bit at the sound. 

Do you really want to fucking do this right now, Kurt? I shot back at him. 

Come on, we have to live here. We should get a say in who you date. Isn’t that right Amy? 

I never said anything about that, Amy sighed, right behind my left ear. I just said it would be nice to have some say but that’s it. Never said anything about actually going through with it Kurt. 

Can we not right now? I’m about to die you assholes, I pointed to the autopsy report and the time, about two minutes from now. Or do we want to keep arguing over who and who I shouldn’t date?

Let’s hope this time doesn’t hurt. We need a peaceful death after the last one. That heart attack hurt. 

Hurt even worse for me you little shit. 

Well duh, we don’t have any sort of body to go through the pain with but we still get jostled up every single time you fucking die. 

My head pounded once more as I locked eyes with Dean. I sighed a little bit as I checked the time once more and laid my head down on the table. I let my eyes drift down to the pages. My body seized up. This wasn’t as uncomfortable as the last few times. It was defiantly less painful. I was more so slipping into a sleep than anything else. My eyes were heavy and my body swayed to one side. My organs…clenched? Was that the right word for it? They clenched up? Seized? Squeezed? I had no idea what the right word was but my organs tightened up a little bit as I moved in my seat a little bit to get more comfortable as I drifted off into a comfortable sleep…well death but who cares at this point? Sleep and death seemed synonymous at this point.


	20. Nineteen

I sighed a little bit as I looked around yet another hospital room. Anoter sigh left my mouth as I shifted a little bit in my bed. The sheets were scratchy on my skin. Or maybe it was something about the hospital gown I was wearing. I shifted a little bit as I tried to scratch things that I didn’t even know could itch before. The hospital room was silent except for the beeping of the hear monitor. The bright light coming from the hospital lights was too much to handle. A pounding in my head responding to the light more angrily than I had ever thought. I closed my eyes and shifted a little bit to get away from the even angrier light. My eyes shifted a little bit away from the light as much as I could without popping them out of my sockets. 

The door swung open letting out a soft creak as I moved away from the light as much as I could. Cinnamon, warm hot cinnamon, hit my nose. A smile hit my face as I moved towards the smell. I forgot the pain surging through my eyes and head. My eyes shot open as I looked over towards the smell. Dean held some cinnamon rolls with a smile on his face as he moved me over to me, setting one of the boxes down in front of me. Loki followed Dean in and smiled a little bit at me as well.

“The others are out and about searching for whoever was next in your little binder.” 

Dean waved his hands more nonchalantly. Panic washed over me. I leaned down to either side of me as I looked down at the foot of the bed. There was no bag. There was no sign of my own bag. There was nothing I could do to get up out of the bed without any help. A frown crossed Dean’s face as he looked me over. My eyes drifted to him as I faked a smile. He smiled a little bit worried as I looked over him. 

I placed a calm air on as I looked over at Dean, “Where the hell is my bag?”

“In the closet,” Dean looked a little bit confused as he pointed over his shoulder. “Where the hell do you think it was? Do you want me to go get it?”

A little bit of relief washed over my body as I shifted in my seat to sit up a little bit more and get more comfortable, “Yes, please.”

Dean crossed the room and rummaged through the closet for the bag, grabbing it in his hands before crossing back over to me. I sighed as I rummaged through the bag. I smiled a little bit as my own hand touched the binder. A wave of relief washed over me. Dean chuckled a little bit as he moved closer to me. I looked at Loki as he chowed down into his own cinnamon roll. I sighed a little bit as I shifted into my seat a little bit more as I opened up the box to the warmth of the cinnamon roll. I shifted towards the food and began eating a little bit.

Great, you’re filling yourself up with carbs and sugar? Is that even good for you?

Kurt’s voice came into my mind with a little bit of a thunk. The pounding in my head returned. I shifted in my seat. My head tilted to the side as I moved a little bit into the side. Dean shot me a look as I shifted in my seat to get more comfortable than I had been before. My hands moved-and not of my own movement but by someone else’s-to tug at the hospital gown. I shifted a little bit but again, this wasn’t me moving my body, and moved against my own will. I shifted in my seat as I looked at Dean once more then back down at my food. 

It’s good and I don’t give a shit. How long have we been out? 

‘We’? There is no ‘we’, there is you-the body and whatever the hell your soul is-and then there is us. We are the conscious of whatever the hell you want to call us. I don’t really even give a shit.

Fine. But how long have I been out? Can you guys keep track of that kind of shit?

You have been out for a few days. Two…maybe three days at most. I lost track after like two days. 

You’ve been out for three days, Noah.

Amy’s voice was completely new now as well. I would have to get used to get used to having these two being the primary voices in my head. I was no longer filled with my own thoughts and feelings. No matter how long they’ve been there. My own body felt a lot more…filled? My body shifted a little bit under my own command this time. I had always joked about having no soul but I didn’t think that I would end up with no type of soul whatsoever. My own body moved away from the others in vain. There was no way to get away from them. They were connected to me and I couldn’t get rid of them. I sighed a little bit as I moved away from Dean though, whose hands were on my thighs. I hadn’t felt that. 

Three days? That’s the shortest I’ve been comatose…I think. 

It has been, Kurt sighed a little bit as his voice shifted in my mind. But no one really cares if you’re comatose or not. As long as you are still alive and sustaining all of us. 

Wow, thanks for caring so much asshole. 

Don’t talk to an elder like that. 

If I live long enough I’ll be older than you guys one day. Then who will be the elder, huh?

Kurt sighed a little bit, I’ll give you that one. I guess.

Fine, I’ll bite, I sighed pretty audibly earning a look from both Dean and Loki alike. Why the hell are you two the ones I speak to? Why are you two the only ones I speak to?

I have no fucking clue. I died, stayed in purgatory for a little bit then when you were born I came here. From there I have no fucking clue as to why the hell we’re all here. 

Great. More questions than answers it seems like these days. Great job.

Dean snapped in front of my face making me turn to him, “What the hell are you doing Noah?”

“Sorry,” I whispered. “Spaced out a little bit. Had a conversation with some of the souls trapped with me.”

Dean looked at me like I was insane. No one seemed to have gotten used to me saying that. Loki almost seemed a little too calm for what I liked. It was a lot more than what I had expected. A little over seventy souls trapped within my entire body. Up in my mind just like I had been before I came back to the bunker. 

“Does it make any sense to you…the speech? Or is it just a garbled fucking mess in there?”

“They’re all coherent Dean, if that’s what you’re asking. Normal conversation just like we’re having right now. Or is there something you don’t grasp about that?”

“I mean, maybe you could have some sort of residual haunting going on up there or something. I don’t know what you are…what you do anymore. It’s a garbled mess to me too.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence Dean but I don’t really need you to be all mushy mushy and like Sam around me.” 

Dean almost looked too offended about my comment, “What the hell does that mean?”

“Trying to figure me out. I don’t need you to figure me out. I just need some people who just want me to be here and not study me.”

Dean raised his hands a little bit and sighed a little bit as I moved a little bit in my seat. Dean sighed a little bit as he moved away from me a a few inches. Once again…I was a monster to him. Closed off. Nothing I had ever wanted to make him do again. And yet here I was making him feel like that even more. I shook my head a little bit as I sighed a little bit as I moved back into my own seat. 

“Sorry,” My voice was a little lower than a whisper. “I didn’t mean to say anything.” 

“No, I understand. I mean…it makes a little bit of sense. Don’t know what the hell you’re going through.” 

“Exactly, you don’t. So whatever the fuck you ask me probably won’t have a fucking answer. I’m figuring this out along with all of you. I won’t have answers until we find it, okay?” 

Dean nodded a little bit as he moved away from me a little bit more. We were all a little tense now that I was here. I shifted a few inches away from him as well. Everyone was too stiff and too disconnected from each other. I didn’t want to do anything now that what I said was out there. I shifted a little bit more in my own seat and sighed a little bit. 

You are really a little shit, Kurt sighed a little bit as he shot me a look. 

Why thank you, I shit back sarcastically. Thank you for your fucking imputes Kurt. 

Hey, if I’m trapped with you forever-with no promise of ever seeing my family again-I have to poke the bear a few times a day otherwise I might kill myself. 

Thought you already did that, I chuckled a little bit. It hurt me a little bit to say it but it was too good a joke to pass up. 

Well fuck, I did but you know being here makes me want to kill myself again. That’s how bad it is in here. 

Well I am sorry my mind isn’t the best place ever. I can’t control you being in there and you can’t control it either. 

Then make it a better fucking place, Kurt physically sighed and stretched out, essentially kicking me in the skull with every word he said to punctuate himself.

Dean tapped me on the shoulder, “What the hell are are you doing up there?” 

“What the hell do you think? Just having a convo with the little asshole up there.” 

Ouch. 

Now you know how it feels asshole. 

Ouch again.

“Oh. Okay.” 

“Yeah, sorry if it seems like I just space out a little bit but those guys know how to pull me out of a situation a little bit.”

“Oh, so it’s defiantly a full ass conversation in there?”

“Well yeah asshole. Of course it’s a full ass conversation up there.”

“Okay, okay,” Loki looked between us. “Can we stop talking about this? It’s really weird.”

I sighed a little bit as I shifted in my seat and went silent. Well, as silent as I could be with two other people in my head talking up a storm. Their voices were quieter than what I had expected and I couldn’t hear them that well. It was really weird to me. Even though they were in my head I couldn’t hear them well at all. Just soft murmurs in my head that I could never really hear. I felt like I was having a conversation I couldn’t hear at all. It was weird to me. I felt almost a little too weirded out by this. It made me feel like a pervert.

“So what do we do once I get out of here? Or do we have to wait for everyone to come back?”

“Wait for everyone to come back. Don’t want to freak them out with all of us gone. Shouldn’t be more than a few hours more. You know that.”

I nodded a little bit as I leaned back and pulled a book out of my bag. One of those books that was recommended to me by a friend of a friend of a friend through the internet. House of Leaves, it was called. It was honestly a mind bending experience that made some of my favorite web series what they were today. It was a little bit more confusing than what I had expected but good. Very good so far. It went quickly as most of the pages were blank. 

Dean watched me pull out a tissue that served as a bookmark, “So are you going to finish that soon or what?” 

“I’m halfway through asshat,” What’s it with you and ass? “So I won’t be done for awhile.”

“Geez, what’s it with you and ass,” Dean paused. “Don’t answer that actually.” 

I tried to play coy, “Don’t know why I would want to answer that Dean.” 

Dean chuckled a little bit and sighed as he leaned back into his chair, letting his eyes close. I opened my book a little bit better, beginning to read a little bit to pass the time. I used a notebook to jot down any notes that I thought might be prevalent later. I knew that House of Leaves was a notoriously confusing book and the version I had was a library copy that I couldn’t really mark up in the way that I wanted to. I smiled a little bit as I got closer to the end. It seemed to be more so something that needed to have a while to breath before I could fully understand it. A blind man…a documentary…and a junkie tattoo artist trying to make sense of it all. 

~

The hours had passed without much word from the others. My body had begun to tense under the pressure. I had already finished my book. Breakfast and lunch had been thrown away in the trash. Dean was asleep in the chair with his head on Loki’s lap. Loki was awake and playing solitaire at the foot of my bed. He had never slept in the time I had known him. He was always awake when I was. Even from accounts from Hel and Thor, he had been up when they were. If he did sleep then it wasn’t when any of us could see. He was always awake it seemed like. Never took a rest for himself. Not once. 

Loki lifted his head and looked me over, “Don’t know why they’ve been out all day. Said they’d be back by noon at the earliest.”

“And the latest?”

“Midnight.”

“Odd.”

Loki nodded and went back to his game. I shifted in my seat. I closed my eyes and went back into my very own happy place. If here wasn’t going to provide any answers then I might as well go there. I tried to imagine where I was going to the best of my ability. The breeze on my skin. The sun. The freshly mowed grass. A sense of home when all else was failing. All of it.

~

“Well look who’s here,” Jim Morrison crossed his arms as he plopped down onto the grass. “Never thought I’d see your ugly face again.”

“Hey, I didn’t know your soul was going to be in here. If I did I wouldn’t have let you in here. But it’s better than hell where all of you would go if you weren’t connected to me so be lucky you aren’t down there.” 

Jim huffed as he leaned into a headstone, “Doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to not like it here.”

I counted in my head, “Triple negative so that statement is a negative.” 

“I don’t give a shit how cozy it is in here. Being connected to you isn’t the worst thing that happened to me.”

“Hey, it’s not the greatest being tied to you all as well. Sentiment is the same here.” 

Jim pulled out a cigarette out of his back pocket as Kurt came over to us. He sat down next to me and wrapped an arm around me a little bit as he shifted in his seat to get closer to me. Jim huffed and puffed a little bit as he turned away from me to light a cigarette. He exhaled, making me cough. It wasn’t what I could do in here but that was new. 

“Put that out. I don’t want my mind all clogged with smoke. Giving me smokey brain here.”

“I think you call it brain fog,” Jim quipped. 

“Oh wow, you’re so smart,” I stuck out my tongue as I moved into Kurt’s body. 

“Don’t pay him any mind. It doesn’t actually physically affect you at all. Just like…mentally I guess. I think all that it means is that you get all foggy.”

I nodded as I turned to Kurt. He smiled a bit like a dope as he brushed his hair away from his face. He still had a blue-ash glow but it was more so like he was human now. He was as angelic as I had thought he was. He shifted in his spot as he peeled away from me and pulled out a sketchbook, looking me over a little bit and smiling at me as he did so. His eyes went back down to his own little sketchbook. He pulled a pencil out of his back pocked as he looked me over once again.

I tilted my head to the side, “How come you can draw and you never influenced me to do the same?” 

“I did, you never acted on it. I wish you did though. I think you would have been amazing at doing all of those creepy ones you thought about.”

“How much have you seen me think about?”

“Everything. Sometimes for the best. Sometimes for the worst. Doesn’t matter to me at all. I’m not here to control you.”

“You sound like my mom.”

“Didn’t mean to. Though she was a little shit. Hated that bitch since the day I got sucked into that head of yours.” 

“That glow…why is yours so dull…”

“Because the more we are talked about the less glow and more human we become. As long as our names are kept in the mouths of others we are more likely to take more human forms. We could even get to go to the outside world from what I hear. Get out of your head for short span of time.”

“Which is why it’s so important for me to write about you, right?”

“Yes. The more people speak about the more human-esque we become. But I hope that we don’t get to go out.”

“Why?”

“Even though Jim hates it here, I like it here. The human world is still shit.”

“Better than it was.”

“Not really. Racism is still a thing. Homophobia is still a thing. Biphobia is still a thing. Transphobia is still a thing. Wars are still a thing. Flint doesn’t have any water. People are dying. The damage done to the world will be irreversible by the time you’re thirty,” Kurt paused a little bit. “Maybe it means more to others than it does to me. You know, being out in the human world.”

“Are you glad your missed?”

“No, why would I be glad that people are sad? That’s no fun at all. I just want people to be happy, that’s all. I never wanted to cause grief or anything.”

“Well, how’d you do it? Burning question.”

“I didn’t shoot myself if that’s what you’re saying. I had no idea who did it either. I was too high out of my mind and by that point I was already gone. Only wanted to leave Nirvana and everything else behind. That’s it. No more Hollywood and no more glamour.”

“Think Courtney did it?”

“No. I know she didn’t. You really think she could have done that? Do you know how bad that would hurt someone if they were constantly accused of murder?”

I shifted back as I hadn’t even thought much about it. I shifted back, letting the words sink in. I kept my eyes down for a few moments before looking up at him. Kurt chuckled a little bit as he turned his eyes back up to me. He smiled a little bit as he shook his head a little.

“No,” I whispered a little bit before sinking back into my seat. “No I don’t. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay. Most people don’t even begin to think about that before they go about spouting theories and shit but,” Kurt shrugged and left his statement on that. 

~

My eyes shot open. My heart raced and my head pounded. Three nurses and a doctor hovered over me. A nurse’s hands were on my chest. The two others had their hands on the monitor’s around me. The doctor’s face was frozen in worry. Loki and Dean were on the other side of the room looking down at me. Sam had his eyes on me from the other side of the room. 

One of the nurses finally spoke up from her state of shock, “You…you had flatlined for almost an hour.” 

What! I can’t have flatlined!

“But I was only asleep for a few minutes. I hadn’t flatlined at all.”

Oh, but you were. 

“You were sweetie. We were about to call you. Glad we didn’t.”

Should’ve let me die. 

“Yeah,” My voice was somber. “Glad you did.” 

And what? Let us all die with you? Do you forget that we here too. One body down means we all die with you. 

“Us too, but that means we’re going to have to watch over you more tonight. We were going to release you today but I fear not now that you’ve flatlined on us.”

The nurses and the doctor got the hell out of the room after checking over all of my vitals. Sam sighed a little bit and held a few fingers to his temple. He slid into a chair as his eyes went over to his brother. I did as well as I looked over to Dean. Dean slid into a chair as well and went back to the newspaper. I shifted in my seat a little bit as they shifted me up into a sitting position. The nurse looked me over as he shifted in his seat to look me over. His eyes went over me a little bit as he smiled once more as he moved closer to me. 

Dean touched the top of my thigh, “Noah…are you okay? You were out for a long time.” 

“Yeah, I’m okay Dean,” I searched for the right words. “I just went out for a bit. Felt like I was sleeping though. Don’t know how much of a mess that might of created for you.” 

“We were so worried for you,” Dean sighed as he looked me over. “I thought you were really gone.”

“I won’t let myself do that anymore. Not that I know I can flatline from it.”

Dean shook his head a little bit, “You consciously did that whole dying thing?”

“No, not intentionally but I guess it just kind of happens when I go see the others up there.”

How did we know that you coming to see us was going to be a fucking problem?

“The others? There’s more than one?” 

I didn’t think so either but here we are trying to explain this shit to this idiot. 

“Yes, of course there’s more than one in there. It’s all seventy odd people who ever were apart of the curse up there. It’s not like there’s just one.”

He’s really an idiot. Why do you even like him? Having to explain everything to him. 

“Oh,” Dean sighed as he leaned back. I shot a look to Sam as I raised an eyebrow. “Okay.”

I shrugged a little bit as I looked at him, “And that’s it? That’s all you wanted to know about my life up there?” 

“Considering you told me not to ask you then yes, that’s all I needed to know.” 

I nodded as I laid back down into my own seat. I sighed a little bit as I shifted in my seat. Dean kept his hand on my thigh, rubbing it gently as he read over the news. Sam smiled at me a little bit as he turned back to the book he was reading. Cas and James walked in a few movements later with some food. Both smiling and laughing. Both stopped as they walked into the room and shot me a look. I sighed a little bit as I curled into my own seat. Dean smiled a little bit as he moved a little bit closer to me. 

“What happened while we were gone,” James looked the rest of us as he sat down across from the two of us. 

“Noah died, or so the doctors say, but he was talking to whomever is up in his head.”

I shifted in my seat once more as I looked down into my own lap. Dean looked me over a little bit as I smiled at him. I moved my eyes to each of the others and shifted a little bit in my seat. Sam shifted visibly as my eyes felt on his. He gave me a little bit of a sad smile before turning back to his own reading. I sighed a little bit as I turned to Loki who smiled at me a lot happier than he what he seemed to be hiding. I shifted my attention to Cas who was picking at his food. 

Cas took one look at me and shifted his weight from side to side, “Are you guys okay?” 

“I don’t know, as okay as I can be with seventy souls inside of my body. Can that even be possible?”

“No, but I have no idea how you’re even alive to be perfectly honest. You could have died years before this and yet you are still here alive. I have no idea how.”

“I am full of mysteries, aren’t I?” I chuckled a little bit as I moved away from the gaze of the angel. 

“Yes,” Loki spoke up and looked at me. “And what a handsome mystery you are.” 

A blush crept over my cheeks as I looked at him, “Thank you.” 

“No problem my dude,” Loki smiled and shifted his weight ever so slightly to look me over. I smiled a little bit as I turned my eyes to Dean. “It’s nothing.”

“I don’t think you being a mystery is nothing. The less we know about you the less we know about ourselves.”

“Less you know about yourselves?”

“Yes, you are a one of a kind being and if you can be here then there must be something going on somewhere down in hell which means something is going up in hell.” 

Dean shifted a little bit in his seat as he looked at me, “Cas is right. The less we know about you the less we know about what we are and what the hell we might be going to be in the future.” 

Dean shifted his eyes down to his lap then moved in his seat a little bit. My eyes shifted back to mine as he moved a little bit more in his seat. He looked me over and gave my thigh a slight squeeze. He gave me a smile as I moved away from him a little bit. Dean sighed as I looked him over as I moved my eyes over to him. He smiled a little bit before turning back to the book in his hands as the nurses come back into the room. 

“Hello darling, I’m here to retake your vitals. Completely painless after all,” I nodded as Sam and Dean scooted towards the bed to give the nurse more room to walk around. The nurse looked back at the three who were there. “You have such an amazing support system here, really.”

“Thank you so much, they’re really an amazing sort of people,” The nurse and I locked eyes for a moment. It was him. 

I scooted away from the man and shifted in my seat a little bit more to try and get away from, “Y-you are-you are-but how can you be-you can’t be here!”

“But I am, got here last night. Got drunk and hit my head,” The man tapped the side of his head showing off some stitches. “Been walking around and…” He tapped some of the machinery. “Been looking for someone they call Noah Hudson. Overheard your conversation and you’re the only Noah in the hospital.” 

“Why the hell would you be looking for me, Leslie?”

“You know my name and yet I haven’t even told you it.” 

“Well, you are kind of famous. People will know your name for as long as people know who the hell you are.”

“Touché, but you are the only one who as addressed me as such. So, question is,” Leslie turned and crashed right onto Sam’s lap, clearly still concussed. “How the hell do you know who the fuck I am and why did Stevie send me to you?”

Don’t fucking answer him, Kurt sighed a little bit as he shifted more to the right side of my body. 

Yeah! Don’t answer me! The same voice shouted out at me from the inside of my own body. 

How the hell is your soul all in my body yet I am speaking to you on the outside?

Wibbly-wobbly timey-whimey stuff, obviously. 

I hate you for making that reference Kurt. 

Well I wasn’t the one who fucking watched Doctor Who everyday for like a year. 

Sorry about that but was that on me or was that one of you?

Not any of us at all. Train wreck of a show. Which is why we made you stop at elven. 

My head pounded and it had started to get annoying. It was the weirdest feeling ever. Not only having people essentially living in your head and not have it be DID which I could get therapy for and not have it look weird but it was a piece of me that I could never even tell anyone at all other than the ones who knew. It fucking hurt and they pounded against my head more and more with each and every interaction. 

“Because you’re going to die.” 

“Well fuck,” A pause. “And how the hell do I die?”

“Do you really want to know?”

“Well yeah, I’m going to die anyway might as well know how I’m going to go out? Is it cool?”

“Electrocution.” 

A nurse poked her head into the room. “Come on Mr. Harvey. Time to go, your ride is here.”

“See you guys later. You’re coming to the show tonight, right?” 

I forced a smile and took a deep breath, “Of course we are.” 

~

I walked onto the side stage spots that were so graciously given to us by Leslie. Though We both knew that he was going to die sooner rather than later. Front row seats to the death of a rockstar. My eyes drifted back down to the lovely bit of stage that was slick with water. A microphone that hadn’t been grounded stood right next to it. I sighed and shook my head a little bit. 

Think you can transfer the death from you to someone else? That way yu=ou don’t have to go through the pain once again? 

My shifted to the other side as I looked down. Dean wrapped his arms around me and smiled. I tilted my head back to the other side as I looked around for the source of who was around me. I looked down at my hands then towards the puddle. I shifted a little bit as I wanted to move towards the puddle. I couldn’t even do anything. I wanted to go over to the other side of the move and wipe it all up. I shifted in my seat as I turned to Dean. 

And who would I end up killing? The crew? Some random fan?

Random fan. Not like you have any morals anyways.

I wanted to scream just freaking scream. It hurt like a thousand cattle prods going into my head all at once and melting my brain with every single word they spoke. It hurt more than I had ever thought I could. 

Dean and I looked at each other. The two of us were stuck in spot as we watched as the others started the concert. I smiled a little bit as I went back into my little spot. Leslie stepped onto the stage and smiled at the two of us. He stepped up into the puddle. I immediately began shaking and moved to someone around me. I stepped towards someone as I placed a hand on someone’s shoulder to steady myself. I don’t know how but somehow my death was abstained. Leslie and I shot each other a look. 

Look at you. It worked a little bit. Neither of you are actively dying. Just the man you’re touching. 

I don’t know how it worked but it’s working!

‘Ey! Don’t yell at us like that. 

I ain’t yelling. I’m just super happy that it’s fucking working. I danced on my tiptoes as I looked at Dean. 

The electricity shrugged through my own body. It didn’t feel like I was being electrocuted. It was more so like a tingle going through my body. I felt like I was being shocked. I looked at Dean as I smiled lightly. My body kept shaking a little bit as I looked into the eyes of the man whom I was touching. I smiled a little bit as the man shook. He was foaming at the mouth as I shifted in my place. I smiled a little bit as I looked at Dean. 

“What’s going o-” Dean stopped in his place as he looked me over. The man I was holding in my hand was completely fried, dead.

I shrugged a little bit as I looked him over, “Well, I just transferred my own death to someone else.”

Dean shook the man who had fallen to the ground as I looked at him, “What the hell!” 

Screams. More and more screams. The shouting got louder and louder as Leslie dropped to his knees, dead as well. I turned my eyes over my shoulder. Security. I smiled a little bit as I backed away from the others. Security ran passed us. They didn’t even take not of the other person dead on the floor. But I was completely fine. I was okay. I turned to Cas who smiled at me. He backed away from the view of the others before going out into a full out sprint. 

I followed almost immediately after Cas. Dean and Sam followed after me as I looked at him. Dean smiled a little bit as I looked behind a little bit to the others who were also running with us. I smiled at Cas as I followed his lead far away from the stage and past everyone who could notice us. 

He moved back and wrapped an arm around me as I moved with him. The two of us we almost completely happy. As I looked him over. I smiled a little bit as I looked him over. Cas sighed a little bit as he wrapped an arm around me. I smiled a little bit more as I shifted in my seat. I shot a look at Dean who was behind me. He threw his own look over his shoulder before he looked at me. 

A smile crossed the hunter’s face as he looked me over. I smiled a little bit more as I shifted in Cas’ grip. The man was on the floor as I shifted my own body away from Cas. Happiness bubbled in my chest as I shifted away from Cas. The angel glared at me as I moved away from him. I smiled at him. He didn’t seem to like it. I was still moving as I looked him over. I wanted to skip around and look around. It literally felt like electricity. 

We walked away as we got out of the sight of other people before we disappeared from this plane.


	21. Twenty

I shook my head as I looked at the others who were going around and walking with me. I smiled a little bit as I shook my head once more. Cas shook his head a little bit as he looked me over. I almost wanted to laugh. Happiness bubbled up in my chest. I smiled a little bit as I held my chest in my own. I smiled a little bit more as I looked at him. I let myself chuckle as I looked at Cas behind me. I smiled a little bit as I looked him over. I giggled a little bit more as I looked at Dean. Dean smiled a little bit as he looked me over. I smiled a little bit more as I looked at him. He smiled a little bit as he looked me over once more. I smiled even more as I shifted in my place. I bounced on my toes as I moved in my spot. Dean smiled a little bit as he looked at me once more.

“Dean, I did it. I didn’t get killed. No one died! Well, I didn’t die. I didn’t time!”

Dean smiled a little bit and wrapped his arms around me. I smiled a little bit as well as I shifted in my seat as I looked at him. His eyes went over me. I sat down on my seat. I rocked back and forth. I did the exact same thing as I looked at my hands. I was shaking. I kept shaking. There was nothing I could do. I smiled up at Dean. He gave me a little bit of a smile as he wrapped an arm around me. The two of us bounced around as we looked at each other. I giggled a little bit as I shifted away from my own friends. 

Dean gripped my own shoulders and held me in place, “You…so you fucking did that?”

I bounced around the street not being able to keep myself still, “I fucking did that!” 

Dean smiled as he kept gripping my shoulders. I smiled a little bit as I shifted away from him. I smiled a lot as I looked him over. Dean smiled at me a little bit. I looked at Sam. Sam frowned a little bit as he looked me over. I smiled a little bit more as I shifted into my place. I danced around on my place. I smiled a little bit as I looked at Cas. 

“You don’t have to die anymore!” Dean pulled me into a hug and smiled at me. I did the same and looked at him. “I don’t have to die anymore!”

“But innocent people have to die because you don’t. It’s a completely selfish thing to do.”

I sighed a little bit as I moved away from Dean and looked at Sam. Sam sighed as I looked him over. Dean shifted as he looked at his brother as well. The two of us were looking him over as I shifted in my place and smiled to myself as I looked at him. My eyes shot to Dean as he smiled at me, kissing my cheeks. He pressed a few kisses to my cheeks. I smiled widely as I looked him over. He smiled once more. 

“I can’t believe you did that. Who’s idea was it? Was it Kurts,” Dean leaned into my ear and whispered. “Thank you Kurt. Means a lot.”

“Dean,” I pushed him away from me and smiled a little bit. “He can hear you. We share a fucking body for crying out loud.”

Dean smiled as he shook me a little bit and I smiled at him. He giggled more as he kissed my nose. I smiled. Lots and lots of smiles. I continued smiling as my eyes shot over at James. He looked scared as I sighed to collect myself a little bit more than what I already was in.

Sam looked at the two of us, “Okay. Now that we’re here…again. Where the hell are we even?” 

“California,” I looked around I tried to find a good marker. “If I’m being perfectly correct.” 

Sam nodded and raised his hands as he drifted from where he was standing right next to me. I shifted in my place as I looked over to Dean who looked ready to lead the charge. He shifted in his seat as I looked over at him. He wrapped his arms around me. I sighed \as we turned and walked away from them.

Dean kissed my temple and smiled a little bit as we kept walking, off of the beach that we were on. Dean smiled a little bit more as we shifted over to the other side. His eyes shifted his body towards mine as I looked him over a little bit. He and I took our hands and held them together. James sighed a little bit louder than normal as he pushed passed the two of us.

Dean smiled a little bit as I moved to accommodate James moving passed us, “Can we please just find a place to stay, I’m tired.” 

James sighed a little bit more as he looked at me. I sighed a little bit as dean pulled me closer. The two of us watched as James turned back to me.He smiled a little bit as he looked me over, pushing some of his hair back out of his face. Dean’s grip strengthened around my arm and looked over at James then back at me. This went on for a little bit as he looked me over for one final time. I sighed more as I began walking down the street once more. 

“Come on, we have to get to civilization first then we can find somewhere to go sleep.” 

Dean nodded as we kept walking down the street. We went from not seeing a single house or person in sight to seeing more and more people and more houses. I smiled as I looked at the other people appearing around me. A few of the people smiled back at me but a few of the other people didn’t even smile back at me. I sighed once more as I leaned into Dean. He smiled as he looked down at me with his hands on my arms, rubbing me up and down. 

“Actually,” I yawned as I looked at James. “I’m a little bit tired away well.” 

I would fucking hope so, that’s the farthest you’ve run in months. But we’ve got a job to do. 

I raised an eyebrow a little bit, Oh, so now you guys are on the case as well?

We have no fucking choice but to be on the case with you. So we’re here forever, no matter the case. 

Amy seemed to knock my skull a little bit as if she was knocking on a door, What about James? He’s pretty fucking adorable.

Are we really going down that route again? I don’t want to date anyone but Dean. 

Again, the one you’re not even sure you love at all. Right…so James is a good looking guy. 

I mean, he is kind of cute…but like, what the hell would he ever give to me. 

Amy’s voice carried a bit of a shrug to it, You know, you could always just figure it out.

My head pounded once more as I moved my hands to head to rub my temples once again as my skull seemed to split under the pressure. 

“Tired. We’re all tired,” Dean yawned, passing it on to Sam who passed it on to Cas and so forth. “I suggest we have nap time.”

Sam protested a little bit as he looked at his brother, “We’re not five Dean. We don’t need nap time.” 

“Well today we are all five years old and we’re all going to all have a nap.”

~

Dean wrapped his arms around me as he pulled me into one of the comfiest hotel beds I had ever been in in my life. Dean smiled as he killed the top of my head. I was already slipping into sleep but that coupled with the light humming of Dean really made me want to fall asleep. Dean smiled as he kissed me once more. I smiled more as I looked at him in the eyes. 

“I love you, you know that right,” Dean’s voice was soft as he looked me in the eyes. “I really love you.”

I smiled a little bit as I looked into his eyes, “You don’t have to keep remind me every single time.”

Dean and I looked at each other. I smiled as I looked him over. He looked me over as I looked at him. The moments passed slower. Dean held me closer as he smiled more as he yawned. He smiled as he looked me over. 

“Such a pretty man,” Dean whispered as he rubbed my bag. “A very pretty man. A very pretty man. How’d I get this lucky?”

I smiled as Dean kept rubbing my back and a yam left my mouth. He kept holding me as I shifted in my bed to get more comfortable. Dean rubbed my back more as he kept his body closer to mine. Dean held me closer. I smiled more as he did so. 

~

Dean shook me as he smiled, “Come on, wake up a little bit.”

I shifted in my bed as I looked up at Dean. He smiled as I rubbed my eyes. He looked so happy to see me even though I had never really thought that he would do so. He had seen this type of thing before. Me being asleep and out of it. I turned to Dean. He smiled once more as he sat up in bed. He looked like he had been awake for awhile. Hel and Thor were already up. Both were being pretty loud and I had completely slept through it. The two were trying to drink each other under the table. Cas was in the small kitchen we had gotten in the room making some food. Sam was up as well but he was reading. 

“Was I the last one to wake up?”

“Well we didn’t want to wake up the sleeping beauty. Plus, you can sleep through anything. We all began waking up when Loki got up to go get something for us to eat.” 

“I know I can sleep through anything but you should have woken me up with the rest of you.”

Dean shook his head as he helped me up out of the bed. I rubbed my eyes. I was sleepier than normal. I shuffled into the bathroom to splash my face with water. I still wasn’t fully awake. My body was still groggy with sleep. It would probably take me a lot more than just the water to get me to be awake. I shifted in my seat as I wiped my face from the water on it. Dean smiled as I came out of the bathroom. I shifted my eyes to Sam so looked up at me. I smiled as I sat down next to him. 

“I’m not marking up your binder if that’s what you’re thinking.” Sam deadpanned. 

“I wasn’t thinking that but go off I guess.” I blinked slower as I looked at him. Dean smiled more as he placed a hand on my shoulder as I looked up at him. 

“Come on, wake up kiddo,” Dean smiled at me as he shifted down to sit in-between his brother and I. 

“I’m trying to,” I groaned more as I looked at him. “I just can’t seem to wake up.” 

Dean shook his head a little bit as I moved away from him. I looked down at my hands in my lap before I looked him over. He smiled a little bit as I leaned my head against his shoulder. I almost fell asleep again. Dean and I looked at each other as I moved into his lap. I sighed a little bit as I started drifting back into my own seat. Dean sighed a little bit as he carried me to the bed once more. I smiled a little bit as I looked him over. I smiled a little bit as I looked down at the pillow in front of me. 

Dean sighed a little bit as I looked at him, “Okay, you need to go back to sleep and sleep a little bit more.”

“I don’t need to sleep a little bit more. I feel like I’m fine just a little bit more of a wakeup call…I guess.”

“Come on yawning boy. Time to fall asleep, again. You need some more sleep.”

I nodded a little bit as I looked over at him. I smiled a little bit as Dean and I sat down on the bed and looked at me. Dean looked me over a little as I looked him over. Dean smiled as I snuggled into his chest. He held me closer and smiled a little bit as I moved into his own chest and inhaled his scent. Dean smiled at me as I closed my eyes shut. Dean smiled at me as I kept my own eyes as I shifted into his lap a bit more as I closed my eyes again as I shifted in my seat to get more comfortable in my seat. 

“Now I can’t fall asleep, Dean.” I rubbed my eyes a little bit as I looked up at him. Dean chuckled a little bit as he pulled me even closer to him. “I don’t know what’s wrong. Too tired to stay awake and too awake to fall back to sleep.”

Dean nodded a little bit as he picked me up. I sighed a little bit as I looked him over. He sat me back down on at the table and sighed a little bit as shifted in my new seat. Dean picked up some of the food and handed it to me. I picked a bit at the food on my seat. I sighed a little bit as I ate a small bit of food. Dean smiled a little bit as I kept my eyes down on the food. Sam shifted in his seat as he looked me over a little bit. I smiled over at Sam as he flipped some of the pages a bit more heavy handed than I kind of wanted him to. He smiled sheepishly when I shot him a glare. 

Sam kept his more apologetic smile, “Sorry about that. I’ll be a little bit more soft handed from now on.”

I nodded a little bit and sighed a little bit as I went back to eating some of the food in front of me. I sighed a little bit more as I kept eating a little bit. Sam sighed as well as I looked him over. His brow was furrowed in confusion as he looked me over. I smiled at him as I went back to my food. Dean sat down at the table with us with some food as well. He smiled a little bit as he picked off of my own plate. 

Dean sighed a little bit as he ate some of my food on my own plate, “Not that hungry either I’m assuming.” 

“No, not really,” I sighed a little bit as I looked him over. Dean smiled a little bit as I pushed my plate towards him. He smiled a little bit as I moved back into my seat. Dean sighed a little bit as I yawned a little bit once again as I shifted in my seat a little bit. “Don’t know what the hell is wrong with me right now. I am so fucking tired.”

Dean shrugged as he looked over his brother’s arms to look into the binder. I rubbed my eyes a little bit as I shifted over to Dean. He noticed my movements and looked me over. I smiled a little bit as I looked into his eyes. Dean smiled a little bit happier as he shifted over to me. He took my hand into his. My eyes dropped back down to my lap. He smiled a little bit as I looked him over. Dean and I moved away from each other a little bit. He smiled a little bit more as he shifted into his seat. 

“Then go to fucking sleep,” Dean chuckled a little bit as he moved in his seat to keep eating. 

I nodded a little bit as I shifted into my seat. I kept my eyes down as I got back up. He smiled a little bit as he shifted down into his seat. I looked down a little bit as I flopped down onto my bed. My body felt a little bit sick. My throat like I was going to throw up. But I had no food today. Just the smell of the food was making me sick. I shifted a little bit as I looked over to Loki who flopped down onto the bed across from me. He smiled at me as I looked into his eyes from across the room. 

Loki smiled a little bit as he shifted in his spot, “Please, you’re going to have to eat some food soon.” 

I nodded a little bit as I rolled back over to the other side of my body. Laying on my stomach was making me want to throw up. I shifted my body up as I looked up at the ceiling. I sighed a little bit as I moved away from him as I shifted in my seat in hopes to not throw up. My head pounded a little bit as I looked at him. Dean sighed a little bit as he got up and moved back over to me. 

“Alright, alright. We’ve got to head out.” 

I groaned a little bit as I looked up. I nodded a little bit as I shifted away from him. I sighed a little bit as I sat all the way up. I shifted my body away from Dean as my legs swung over the edge of the bed. I slipped into a slight nap as I turned back away from him. I sighed a little bit as I looked down at my own hands. Dean wrapped his arms around me and sighed a little bit as he looked me over. I nodded a little bit as I shifted away from him. I looked down at my own hands as I turned away from Dean. 

“You’re out of it, Noah,” Dean whispered as he placed a kiss on the top of my head. I nodded a little bit as I stood all the way up. “Are you sure are you okay?”

“Yeah, I am. Just feeling a little bit sick but I can’t even do anything about it,” I sighed a little bit as I moved away from him and let my eyes close. “I feel like I am so fucking tired.” 

Dean nodded a little bit as I moved away from him. I sat down on my bed once more as I turned back to Sam. Sam sighed a little bit as he looked me over. I sighed a little bit as I looked at him. Dean nodded a little bit as he turned away from me. He smiled a little bit before going out of the door. His eyes shifted down to the bottom of the floor. I sighed a little bit as I moved away from the bed. My eyes drifted back down to my own lap as my head pounded a little bit. I sighed a little bit more as I stood up. Sam wrapped an arm around my waist and helped me out of the room. I almost dropped to my knees as light hit my eyes. 

“Ow,” I groaned a little bit as I moved away from him and the light, shutting my eyes a little bit more as I went and shifted away from it. “Ow, ow, ow.”

Sam wrapped his arms tighter around me as he moved me closer to him. He placed something cool on my face as I went from standing to sitting down on the stairs. I kept my eyes down as I opened them up. The pain was a little bit less but I stood back up and moved about with little pain. Dean smiled and wrapped his arms around me. He peeled me away from Sam and made me close to him. I sighed a little bit as we kept moving. I shifted away from him as I got my own steady footing. I sighed a little bit as I kept moving. My eyes shifted down to my own feet as I kept my own eyes down. Dean smiled a little bit as we kept our bodies close to each other. I sighed a little bit as I kept moving with him. My eyes kept chiding around. 

I wanted to find a place to sit down. But keeping myself going was what was going to keep them going. Dean and Sam were the only ones that I wanted to keep going for. Well, them, Cas and my hounds. James still gave me an off vibe. I sighed a little bit as I shifted towards Dean. He was the closet person I had. The only one I had ever allowed myself to get close to. Everyone else I kept at a distance, even Sam didn’t know everything about me. Dean looked at me as I moved away from me. 

“What’s wrong with you, really?”

“I don’t know Dean. I just feel off.”

Hehe, he really does fucking care for you. I mean, he’s an asshole but he likes you a lot. What is this? The second time he’s asked you that.

Fuck off Kurt.

Don’t shoot the messenger. 

Dean nodded somberly as he looked me over. I smiled as I moved away from him. He looked me over as he went back to walking. Dean sighed as he looked me over. There was no trace of happiness in his eyes as he did so. He seemed a lot more tired than I was. I kept my eyes down as we kept walking around. I had no idea where they were taking me. Dean just lead the charge and I was supposed to be the one who was going to be leading the charge and yet here Dean was doing all that I was supposed to be doing. My eyes drifted back to Sam who looked so unfazed by this fact. 

Awe come on. You were the one so confident to lead the charge and here’s Dean putting it all out there and leading the charge for you. I mean, he is a little shit for doing this honestly. I don’t know how you’re doing this. 

I don’t know either but I don’t like it at all. 

And what do you propose to fix that little bit of information but I think that I could just put him in his place. Though that might not be the most polite thing to do.

And how might you do that? And don’t say sex. I can’t go through that awkward shit again. There is no way I will ever unsee that. 

No, but I can’t just beat him up like I could with other people, you know?

I mean, it’s the only thing I can think of that we can do before I result to sex. 

“I’m sorry, we’ll help you out though. Right Sam?”

Sam nodded as he turned away from the two of us and kept walking ahead of us. I shook my head . Dean moved more with me than away from me. If I hadn’t been feeling weak this would have been a fun outing. Other than that I was completely sick and wanted to throw up. Dean kept his arm wrapped around around me as we pushed forward. Sam only turned around to check to make sure we were both still moving. 

“Come on. We don’t have as much time as we think,” Sam sighed as he looked the two of us over. “Noah could die at any moment…or have Elizabeth kill him.”

I nodded as my own pace quickened to match Sam’s long legs as much as I could. I was practically running to keep up with him. He smiled at my much shorter legs. A chuckle left his mouth as I shot a look at him. My eyes drifted down to my own to my own feet. My legs were a bit long but my stride was a lot shorter than what I had wanted. I sighed as I moved away from him. He smiled as I moved towards him more. 

“Don’t look at me like that,” I whined as I looked him over. “I can’t control my little stride.”

Dean smiled as I looked him over. He looked me over as I shifted away from me. He sighed as I moved away from me. I shifted away from him as I looked down at my own hands. Dean kept his hand in mine as I looked him over. The two of us worked in almost complete tandem as we walked down the street eyes peeled for the woman we were hunting. One I had almost forgotten that we were hunting. I sighed as I looked down in my own hands intertwined with Dean. I wanted to do something about Elizabeth but we hadn’t seen her in awhile. I kept my eyes down on my own hands. 

There was a feeling in my stomach. An intuition…if you want to call it. But I was completely hard at picking up on what it was. I sighed as I moved away from the others, looking down at my hands as I tried to put my finger on the feeling that was welling up in my stomach. I shifted away from the others as I looked into the sea of people around me. Dean smiled before he turned back to me. My stomach panged as I moved away from the two just more. I almost wanted to die. 

“What the fu-” I began to throw up onto the sidewalk. Chunks of food I hadn’t even eaten up. I sighed at the puke on the concrete. No one had even stopped. There was throw up on Dean’s shoes but that was about it. I had cleanly thrown up onto the concrete. 

I stood back up and looked to the puke on the concrete, “Well that is a little bit of a fucking piece of shit, isn’t it?” 

Dean nodded ever so slightly as he looked back to me. A wave of relief and sadness washed over me as I looked down at the puke in front of me. I hadn’t wished it would come to this point. Dean sighed as he tired to kick off the puke. I sighed as I bent back down to inspect the puke in front of us. I didn’t think it would have been so possible. I sighed, taking a stick and poking at the fluid in front of me. Dean bent down with me and sighed as he looked it over with me.

Elizabeth most likely. Torturing whoever is next, Kurt sighed before turning back and almost screamed into my mind. Who’s next on the list? Come on, come forward. We’re going to need you. 

It’s gonna be me, A gruff voice came from deep within my mind. I shook my head as I looked over to Dean. 

“They think it’s Elizabeth doing this,” I sighed as I moved down to look him over. Dean sighed as I sat down. “If that makes any sense to you guys.”

Both nodded as people kept going passed me. I sighed as I stood up from my own seat. I looked down and sighed as he looked over me as we both moved to each other. I sighed as I looked him over. 

“Guess we’re going to have to go find that bitch,” Dean sighed as he looked me over. 

I nodded as I kept my head down and sighed as my skin happily soaked in the sun. I kept my own eyes peeled for any building that might be of any potential for torture. The more abandoned buildings or run down ones. Maybe even a building that was closed. I didn’t know what the hell I was going to do now that I was throwing up. My own stomach was still churning. All I waned to do was cry. 

I just wanted to fall asleep and let it all go away. The vision around me blurred. All I wanted to do was drop down to my own feet. I shifted more as I turned away from the men and held my head against the light coming into my eyes. My eyes wanted to explode. My own body wanted to explode. Everything was pulsating with energy…with blood. I sighed as I held my head in order to keep it all together. I wanted to get my own body together. I dropped to my knees as I looked over to Dean who was wrapping his arms around me almost immediately. 

“Noah,” Dean pulled me closer to him. “Sam, take him back to the hotel. He’s going to need to stay there.”

“But Dean-”

“No Sam. No time for arguing. Noah needs to get back safe and he can’t do that alone.” 

Sam looked around wildly, “Then why don’t you do it? Why isn’t Noah calling this?” 

“Sam, no time for arguing. Just do what the fuck your brother is saying and help me back to the hotel.”

Sam sighed as he wrapped an arm around me. Dean smiled at me as he looked me over as he went away. I sighedas I moved away from him. Sam pulled me back away from me as he kept me close to his chest. I sighed as I looked him over. Sam placed a hand on my shoulder as he looked me over. Sam wrapped another arm around me. He sighed as he pulled me into the room. He moved us both into the room and sighed as he flopped me onto the bed. 

Hel immediately rushed over to me and put a hand on my forehead. She sighed as she pulled away. She went to the kitchen and sighed a little bit as she rummaged through the kitchen. With every sound my head pounded. I sighedas I looked over at her. Hel sighed as she quieted her movements even more than they already were. I sighed more as my body moved down into the bed. Sam placed a bucket right in front of my face as my body convulsed right in front of him. My entire body wanted to throw up as I sighed in an attempt to get some more air into my body. 

Hel walked over with a cool towel and sighed as she looked into my eyes as she placed the towel over my forehead. She looked into my eyes as she shifted a little bit as she moved her eyes to look me over. I sighed a little bit as I convoluted a little bit. I sighed as I shifted in my bed in an attempt to get more comfortable. I wanted to throw up again. I needed to groaned a little bit. Hel went back into the kitchen and sighed a little bit as he moved over to the moved into my own seat. I looked at him and sighed once more before I threw up into the bucket. He sighed as I moved in my seat to get a better angle to throw up just a small amount. 

This went on for hours. I was throwing up as I moved to get better positions. I sighed between each little bit. I wanted to keep going but I could feel myself fading. Sam and Hel seemed to know it was a lost cause at this point. I kept throwing up and throwing up. It was bile. It was food. Sometimes it was blood. No matter what I didn’t finish throwing up until my light was beginning to fade once more. Sam wrapped an arm around me and looked me over. 

“Come on now. Stay with us for a bit longer. We can’t have you going out on us know,” Sam pleaded as he looked me over. 

“I don’t think I can do that much longer. I can’t do this anymore. The two of us are dying.”

Blood was the next component of whatever was happening to me. I wanted to die and that was exactly what I was doing. I leaned back as I looked into the eyes of my two caregivers. I had no idea how I was going to make it out of here alive. I just knew that it was going to be a no go. It was only going to get worse and worse from here. Soon I would have to die. Take life to give life, I guess. My eyes darted to Sam as he looked me over. He knew I would have to die. We both knew as much. It was the natural order of how things were going to have to work in these parts. 

“Tell Dean he did good today.” 

“You are going to have to tell him that yourself. We both know that you are going to wake up in a hospital room.” 

Sam sighed as he held me close. I looked him over as I shifted in my seat as I looked into his eyes. Loki smiled as he wrapped his arms around me. He held me close as I looked him over. I sighed as I looked into his eyes. It was what I wanted the last image in my mind to be. I really needed to just see one good thing before I drifted off. 

My stomach churned once more as I turned to look into Sam’s eyes then I turned my eyes down and looked into his eyes as I shifted towards Loki’s body and the warmth he was generating. My entire body was cold around him. My eyes drifted over to his then closed. I hadn’t even met the man I was supposed to be saving. I hadn’t even done anything. I was just waiting here in the hotel to die.


	22. Twenty One

Air filled my lungs as I shifted away from him. Dean held my hand in the hospital bed. I cursed myself for missing another death. I missed seeing the person I was supposed to be saving once more. No matter how invested I was into this theory there were going to be people I missed. Right now the count was at two. I didn’t want to have that number any higher. I wanted it to stay as low as possible. Dean kissed my fingertips. Every single one of them as if to bring me back into more and more of a reality. 

“He just like knocked the hell out. It was so peaceful and so scared at the same time,” Sam’s voice echoed into the room. 

“I couldn’t even find the guy. I felt like I was going to fucking die just taking the time away from Noah. Like…he was going to die anyhow but I wanted to keep looking for the guy we were supposed to find.” 

“There was no way we could really know what he was going to do. We have to just see what the hell we’re going to have to do now. Noah is going to have to try and lead the way as much as he can.”

“And how can he do that when he’s dying everyday. I mean…there has to be someone to step up when he gets a little more dead than normal.”

“Of course, of course. Well have him decided as well as I could. He is going to have to make the decision.” 

Dean sighed as he looked into my eyes as I opened them up. He looked me over with a soft smile on his face. I smiled as I looked into his eyes. He dropped my own hand and smiled a bit more, blushing as he looked me over. Sam smiled as well as he moved to look me over as well. My own body moved back as I sighed more. My insides felt like vomit. Dean smiled more and moved over to sit next to me.

Dean held me a bit closer and kept his smile, “Good morning little dove.”

“Good morning to you as well,” I rubbed my eyes a bit as I looked into his eyes. “I am very much awake right now.”

“I am very glad you’re awake but we have another person to track down so we should get you out of here as soon as physically possible.” 

I sighed lightly as I turned to Sam’s face, “I would hope you took instruction from me or are you planning a coup?”

“No,” Sam sighed as he looked me over and fell back into his own seat. “No I am not.” 

“Okay then. I will be the one to say when we leave. Understood?”

“Understood.” Sam deadpanned along with the rest of the others who didn’t have any time to argue with me. 

“Then we won’t have anytime to waste. Sam brought up a good point. I have to leave. We have to see what the hell is going to happen with whomever is next on the list.”

Dean smiled as he went out. Loki moved into Dean’s seat and held my hand in his. He smiled at me as he shifted away from he to give me a bit more room to move about. I shifted in my own seat as I turned to look into Sam’s eyes. He looked me over as he looked me over. I sighed before moving back into my seat to give more of a comfortable position. 

Loki sighed as he looked me over. He smiled as he moved back into his normal seat as Dean came back into the room with a nurse. Dean sighed and rubbed his temples as the nurse checked my own vitals. She looked me over and handed me more pain meds. She went over my chart with me then turned back to me and my friends with a soft smile. 

“He’s a real miracle. Don’t know how he’s still alive right now. He’s just a real miracle. He took all of this damage and yet he’s still alive. Like, his liver is completely destroyed and needs a transplant. His heart is covered in scar tissue. His lungs are partially filled with fluid. I just don’t know how he’s alive.” 

Sam blinked and smiled bit at me, “Yeah. I guess we have our own little miracle child on here.”

I smiled to myself as I drifted my eyes over to Cas. He stood in the corner tapping his toes on the ground. He sighed as he moved over to me and placed a hand on me. A warm feeling went down my spine as I shifted my eyes over to Dean. Dean smiled as I looked into his eyes. He looked into my eyes more as I shifted into my seat as the nurse unhooked me from all of my machines. Dean smiled as he grabbed my clothing. I walked over to the other side of the room and began dressing behind the curtain.

~

“Okay, I’ll bite. Who are we looking for this time? You didn’t even tell us about it the last time you know?”

“Oh yeah, right. The name. Sorry about not telling you guys. It might have been a little bit hard to figure out who to find.”

Dean pat my arm, “Nah man, it’s okay. We did probably as good as we could do with a name.”

Sam shot a look at the two of us, “But who the hell are we actually looking for?” 

“Roger Lee Durham,” I looked into Sam’s eyes as I looked him over a little bit. “Died of injuries from falling off a horse.” 

Dean laughed a little bit before turning back to me and continuing to laugh a little bit more, “He died from what?”

“From falling of a horse Dean, grow a pain and stop laughing at other people’s deaths.” 

Dean sighed and looked down at his hands before looking me back over. I sighed as I threw the medications into the closest trash can I could find before going back to look at the three of them. James sighed a little bit as he looked me over. 

“Why the hell would you throw that away?” James looked into my eyes as I shrugged.

“Don’t think that they’ll help, you know? They’re going to just mask whatever pain I don’t have.” 

“I mean, they could help with all of the injuries you’ve sustained. There’s nothing to lose if you just take the medication,” James dug into the trash and pulled out the medication as I looked into his eyes. “Just humor me.”

I sighed a little bit as I snatched the medication out of his hands, “Fine. I’ll take them for a few days. If they don’t work then you can’t get on my ass about taking medication ever again, okay?”

Dean sighed a little bit as he looked me over as I moved into my seat and looked into his eyes as I shifted in my position and placed the medication into my mouth and dry swallowed it. James looked like he was going to throw up. I smiled at him as we continued out walk down the street. I sighed a little bit as I moved into Dean’s shoulder. He smiled a little bit as I looked into his eyes as I shifted in my place. I didn’t know what the hell I should do anymore. 

“Okay. We have to find this guy. Are they a guy or am I being a little shit again?”

“I think he’s a guy considering that his name is Roger. Though I would be pleasantly surprised if he wasn’t a guy.” 

Dean chuckled a little bit as he held my hand in his and kissed my cheek. I kept my eyes down as I shifted in my seat a little bit trying to get a little bit more as I moved over to the other side of the sidewalk. Dean sighed a little bit as he took my own hand in his. Dean smiled as we kept our pace down the sidewalk. 

Sam sighed a little bit as I looked him over, “And who was he really? ‘Nother musician?”

I sighed as Sam moved to walk next to me, “Yeah, another musician.” 

Dean sighed as I looked him over and moved with him as we held hands. James trailed behind me with the three people who were going to be hidden in their hound form for now, cloaked and not as normal dogs. Dean smiled as the three hounds thudded towards me and surrounded me and breaking Dean and I up. I smiled as I shifted to look at Dean through the legs of Loki who huffed so loud that a small breeze moved through the crowd around me. 

Dean poked his head in through the legs of Loki, “Well fuck, never even heard of him too.”

“Which is why we have to keep talking about them. It’s honestly sad how many of these people are just forgotten.”

Dean nodded somberly as he moved away from the two of us before looking me over as he sighed a little bit. The three hounds kept their pace around me. A soft sigh leaving my mouth as I turned away from him and waited for them to stop walking around me. Loki sat down with a thud. Then Hel and Thor. They let me out of the little circle they made from around me. I smiled a little bit as I looked into Dean’s eyes as he wrapped an arm around me and kissing my forehead. 

“So, that’s why they’ve been influencing you a little bit,” my own body stiffened. Has he found out about the writings? “You know, taking on the case and all.”

A deep sigh left my mouth as the tension was release from my body, “Yeah, to give them a bit more light. The more people who talk about them, the more human-like they become. Then they can find some sort of peace.”

“I think that’s a decently noble cause. Wish we had known about this earlier. I mean, that would have probably be a wonderful reason as to why you were so passionate about the case.”

I nodded as I looked up at the apartment building. It was a high rise and I had no idea what more to do. It would take hours-maybe even days-,even with how many bodies we had, to search every apartment the building. Dean sighed as he crossed his arms in front of his chest and sighed as I looked towards him. He smiled as he looked into my eyes. 

“I don’t think we can tackle this little bit of an apartment…it would take too much time.”

“Yeah, but with the hounds it could go a lot faster,” Dean smiled at the hounds, or in the general direction of the hounds, as I looked him over with my own eyes. 

He wasn’t paying attention to me at all as he reached out into the air. Loki moved forward just slightly and let his fur hit Dean’s hand. Dean smiled happily and pet the hound as they shifted back to humans. Dean didn’t move his own hand from Loki for a few moments. Loki let out a deep chuckle as Dean pulled away. His own laugh was contagious as we looked at each other. Sam was the first one to laugh after Loki. Cas laughed after Sam and we devolved from there. Dean blushed a little bit as he pulled away from Loki. 

Loki smiled at Dean as he touched his arm, “It’s okay Dean, you’re attracted to men and that’s completely fine.”

“Yeah,” Dean shot a look at me and smiled. “Yeah. I am attracted to men.” 

Loki crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked at me, “So we have to search this building?” 

“Yeah,” Dean shot me another look at me as I sighed a little bit. “And I am going to need a chaperone so who want’s to see me slowly deteriorate and die, eventually?”

Cas slowly raised his hand and smiled a little bit as he walked closer to me. Dean smiled more and turned away from the two of us, walking into the apartment building. Sam followed him into the apartment building as well. Loki followed suit. Everyone else followed as I moved towards the building but Cas gripped my shoulder, stopping me from going any further. 

“Noah, you are not going to die today. We already found out that you can transfer death to someone else. I’m not saying that you should do that but you don’t even have to do that.”

“I know, I know. But can you believe that I can’t even think to do that to someone else. It felt so weird doing that to someone else. It had already been such a private thing before but now that I know I can do that…I don’t want to do that anymore.”

“But it is a very real possibility that can happen and might happen again.” 

“And what if it was a one off thing? What if I can’t replicate the trick again?”

“I don’t like as much as you do but we’re going to have to figure out your own powers soon enough.”

“I don’t even want to know what the hell is happening to me. It was just a few weeks ago that I figured out that I was a fucking hell soul. Then I found out I have fucking powers that make me feel the deaths of other people, the souls that are inhabiting my body right now. Then there are souls inhabiting my body. Then that they have been influencing almost everything I do. On top of that I just found out that I can transfer the death on to other people. I mean, I’m honestly a little freaked.”

Cas was still calm as my own heat pounded in my chest, “As you should be.”

“And now you want me to start transferring over the deaths I feel to other people? Those are murders I won’t be accountable for.” 

Cas sighed as he looked me over, “It was just a suggestion for you to consider.” 

“I mean, what would you want me to do about it? I don’t know what the hell to do anymore.”

“I don’t know what the hell to do either. I don’t know what I might want to do with all of this information Cas.”

Cas wrapped his arms around me as he sighed as he looked me over. His eyes scanned over me as he directed me into the apartment building. Dean smiled as he looked me over. He was standing in the lobby still with Loki. The others had gone around I assumed. I turned to Cas with a smile on my face as he looked me over. I sighed as I looked him over. His eyes were full of softness as he looked me over. The silence all encompassing as we looked at each other. 

“We’re starting with each floor and going up. I’ll get the first, fifth, ninth and so on or whomever gets there first. It goes up and up like that, yeah?”

Dean nodded as he shifted away from me. I smiled as I looked him over before he moved to the elevator and pressed a button. Cas and I walked into the elevator. Dean pressed the second floor button and waved to us as he stepped out. Dean waved back a little bit before turning to Loki. Loki laughed at something Dean said but I had no idea what the hell he said. But Cas smiled as I side-eyed him as we waited a few seconds. 

I looked over at Cas as the elevator doors up. He sighed as he walked up to the first door he could and knocked onto it. It was never good interviewing people with Cas. At least, at first. He had no idea what the hell to do. Normally the two of us would be paired off together even though neither of us knew what to do. I had at least been catching on after awhile. I mean, we had both ended up in our fair share of awkward situations. I cringed thinking about it as I moved down into my own little embarrassment hole. 

A little old lady with a walker opened up the door and looked up at the two of us. She looked us two over and smiled a little bit, “And who might you two be?” 

“We’re police officers investigating a murder,” I pulled a badge out of my backpack and held it up. She squinted at the badge. “We were asked to canvas the building in hopes of getting information.”

The woman moved away from the two of us and stepped aside to let us both in. A smile came to my face as I looked at her over. She looked so amazingly sweet and I hoped that she would be a good source of information. She smiled a little bit as she looked me over. She waddled over to the other side of the room and sat down on a couch. She gestured for us to sit down and I did so. Cas smiled a little bit as I looked over at him. The woman smiled at me. 

The woman looked us over as she adjusted her hands in her laps, “So what do you two want to know?” 

I leaned right forward and looked into her eyes, “Have you ever heard of a Roger Durham?”

“I think I met him when he came in here drunk one night asking for some cookies. So I made him some and he left. But that was a while ago.”

“You have a good memory, that’s a good thing,” Cas smiled a little bit as he looked the old woman over. “Especially for a woman your age.”

Both of us, the old woman and I, gasped as we looked at Cas. Even after all these years Cas still lacked some sort of tact. I shook my head a little bit as I gripped his shoulder a little bit as I looked him over. Cas shifted back as he looked me over. Then he looked to the woman who was still in shock. 

“Did you just call me old?” The woman shifted in her seat as she held a hand to her heart. 

“That’s not what I mea-”

“He’s new, I’m so sorry about that. He hasn’t been through the proper training just yet. He will keep his mouth shut and watch me for the rest of the interview,” Cas shut his mouth as he looked at me, shooting me eyes as I turned back to the woman. “But your memory will serve us well in this investigation. Not many people can say they have a sharp mind.”

“Thank you, I do my puzzles and I try to read and work out as much as possible.”

I smiled little bit as a familiar feeling bubbled up into my stomach, “I can see, you look like a very strong woman.”

“Thank you, so Roger was a very good man. A little weird but I don’t think I had a place to call him weird as I am one of the only people who truly tries not to judge anyone but he did seem to be a little bit more on the eccentric side. But what does the investigation have to do with him?”

“He is the one who well…he might get murdered. He won’t if we have anything to do with it. He was threatened to be murdered and we’re looking into it.” 

The woman nodded solemnly as I looked over to her, “It’s so sad. He’s a good guy and I hope he’ll be okay.”

“Us too but he could do with some help from a few friends in the building. Have you seen anything suspicious these past few days?”

“No, not that I have seen. Though I have been in the house the past few days because I was sick.” 

“Okay, I think that is all for now,” I smiled as I stood up from my seat. Cas followed suit and smiled at me as he turned back to me. 

The old lady walked us out of the door and closed it behind me. I grabbed my chest as I looked over at Cas. He looked a little down trodden but I didn’t care. I slid down the wall and looked over at him as he weakly looked at me before sliding down to look at me as well. 

“What happened in there Noah? You got pale really quick. You looked so sick.” 

“I don’t know what the fuck happened but I just got this feeling in my stomach like I was seeing a spider or something. I got all tingly and scared. Almost as if I were going to throw up.” 

Cas tilted his head to the side, “So there was something going on in there with the old woman?”

I nodded, “Yeah, I think that woman was Elizabeth in disguise or something.” 

~

Dean wrapped his arm around me as I looked into his eyes and shook as I shifted into his body. I sighed as I tried to calm myself. I needed to do something about Elizabeth and the old woman but I had no idea what I would do to even try and figure out what the hell was going on with this feeling. It felt like shit not knowing what was going on with me. Dean kept me close as he held me closer to him. The apartment building had turned up nothing all except for the feeling I got in my stomach. The weird pull towards the older woman. I sighed a little bit more as he walked me down to the morgue. It was one of the last places we would have to check before we went around finding the man. 

I placed on some gloves as I entered the morgue. Dean did the same as we looked at the body on the table. No matter how many times I had smelled a dead body before, I never got used to it. It was an indescribable smell of decomposing flesh and cleaning fluid. Sanitary and insanitary all at one time that made me want to throw up all the same. I sighed and tried to breath through my mouth as I looked the man over. He had a similar marking on his chest to the ones we had seen on the other 27 Club members. But this man was not a member of the club. 

I looked up at the doctor on hand, lifting the hand of the corpse, “When did you say he died?” 

“Few days ago.”

“And how old do you think he is?”

“Judging by his bones, between the ages of twenty-five and thirty, expert guess says he was twenty-seven at the time of death.”

I nodded a little bit as I inspected his body a little bit more, “And what might you say his occupation was?”

“Judging by the calluses on his fingers I would say that he did something with his hands. Maybe a musician judging by the placement of the calluses and how they’re shaped.”

“What makes you say that?” 

“There are smaller dips in the callouses as if they were meant to grip strings.” 

I nodded a little bit more as I shifted in my own position before looking back down at the body, “So she’s going to killing other people to saccate her needs then.”

The doctor crossed his arms as he looked at the two of us, “What do the FBI even want with the body anyhow?”

“We’re tracking a serial killer who kills musicians of a…certain age.”

The doctor cocked his he’d to the side as he looked me over, “That weird idea of something that kills musicians at the age of twenty-seven?”

I nodded as I looked back down onto the body as I shifted in my seat to look at the body a but more. I sighed as I stood back up, my back aching a little bit. The doctor smiled as he looked me over. He eyed me a little too close for comfort. I sighed as I stepped behind Dean and let him take over from there. 

“Why are you eyeing my partner like that? We are trying to keep a business relationship with you and here you are making eyes at my partner.”

The doctor shook his head and turned away from the doctor and walked out of the room, taking off my gloves and throwing them into a biohazard container. I sighed a little bit more as I shifted away from the doctor who would have probably started to harass me if I was alone or had let it go on any longer than it had. My own body shifted as I washed my hands in the sink. I sighed a little bit as Dean walked out behind me and smiled as I sat down on a bench outside of the morgue. 

I shifted to my own to look at Dean as he came out to wash his own hands in the sink. He shook his head a little bit as he pounded on the sink. Dean sighed a bit more as he kept his pounding up as I shifted down to look him over. Dean looked me over as he turned around looking like he was going to clock someone. 

“I fucking hate when men look at you like that,” Dean sighed more as he shifted back to me and looked down as he shifted me over and let me hold his hand in his. “It makes me feel like I can’t keep you.”

“It shouldn’t be that bad when men look at me like that. Or women. Ot other people. I mean, it kind of means I look good to people and that I am a highly attractive human being.” 

Dean nodded as he looked me over as he shifted away from me and kept our hands inbetween the two of us. I sighed as I got up and broke our hands from each other. He followed me up out of mt seat and sighedmore as he started undoing his tie and getting more ready for bed and a break than anything. It was super late at night, the two of us were the last ones out of the hotel. Everyone else had gone back to go to sleep and get rested for out next day of working.

“Want to get any food,” Dean climbed the stairs out of the morgue and looked me over as I did the same. “Last time you ate was…”

“Few days ago. Maybe even a few weeks ago. I don’t really care as long as we’re getting shit done. I’ll eat later.”

“Eat later? You’ve got to keep your strength up, Noah. You’re the one who’s supposed to be leading the charge and yet you’re becoming too weak to even move,” Dean touched my face and looked me over. “You’re pale. Your lips have no color. I mean…”

I sighed as I pulled away from Dean and jumped onto one of the buses that passed us and stopped at a bus stop a few feet away from us, “It’s fine Dean. I will be fine. I will be fine Dean.” 

“Okay, okay. I believe you,” Dean sighed seemingly giving up on me and the argument as he too stepped onto the bus. “But you better not pass out on us or anything.” 

~

I shifted in my seat as I sighed as Dean looked me over. I could barely move more than a few inches. I felt a little bit more sick than what I had been letting on. My body was shutting down. Only allowing me enough energy to keep my organs alive and even then I couldn’t even feel my own body anymore. I just wanted to move but my muscles didn’t respond to me. Dean sighed and looked me over once more as he turned away from me and went into the kitchen.

I couldn’t see him. A wall obstructed my view but I could still hear the clattering of silverware. I desperately wanted to move but there was no way I could even stand up. If I even did stand up I don’t think I could keep myself up long enough to make an attempt towards food. Dean sighed a little bit as I looked over in the general direction of Dean. 

Dean came back a few moments later and smiled at me. He held a plate of plain toast and some water. In a small bowl there were my pills. The ones I was supposed to be taking. Dean smiled as he hand me everything. He helped me take the pills then put on some random shows though I had no idea how expensive the TVs for the hotel might have been. They were the types of TVs that looked like boxes and probably weighed a fuck ton. I sighed a little bit more as I moved in my seat and ate the toast which didn’t taste that good. 

Dean looked over the toast with only a small bite taken out of it, “Are you even eating?” 

I nodded daintily as I shifted in my seat and looked over at Dean before picking up the toast once more and taking a bit as he looked me over. Dean didn’t even do anything. He just turned back to the television. I bit off more and more food. But I felt no change. My stomach felt heavy. I looked to my own plate. Dean sighed little bit more as he stood back up and walked away from me. 

Everyone else was out and about trying to look for the man, or Elizabeth, whomever came first. I was too weak to even stand. Dean as he came back to look me over. His eyes turned to a little bit of sadness as he looked me over. Dean looked me over and shifted in his own seat as he looked me over. I sighed a little bit as he wrapped his arms around me. 

“You don’t look too hot,” Dean chuckled a little bit as he looked me over. “I mean, you feel hot and you are figuratively hot but you know what the hell I’m talking about.”

I nodded as Dean raised the water to my cracked lips. He tilted his head to the side as he looked me a little bit over. The water felt good on my own lips. Even the few drops that made it into my mouth felt good. I almost snatched the water from Dean. I wanted to take it from him and drink the whole thing. He smiled a little bit before taking the water away from me and setting it on the nightstand. I sighed a little bit as he brushed some hair back into my eyes. Dean sighed as I shifted weakly in my seat. He looked me over. His eyes went over to me then down to the water. 

“You’re not looking any better. I don’t know what to do with you, I don’t know what to do about us. I mean, I know what you said to Loki. Said that you don’t love me.”

“Me neither. I don’t even know if I do love you and it feels a little bit worse now that I’m saying it to you. I know you might not want to love me anymore but Loki did bring up some good points.”

Dean moved more to lean forward, “What kind of points?”

“That I’m more of a puppet to you then anything else,” The words seemed to sting Dean a little bit as he moved back with a small nod. “That I might be more attached to you like a brother more than anything else.”

“I guess that makes a little bit of sense,” Dean sighed a little bit as he looked me over. “I wouldn’t mind if we broke things off.” 

“Would that be the best for the both of us? I mean, would we even want to do that?”

“I would if you’re not sure that you’re in love with me or even like me like that. I mean, I would love to revisit us at sometime in the future. I know that much. I love you and if it means waiting for you to figure out your feelings. If it doesn’t end up being good towards me then I would still love you. We’re family and family-”

“Doesn’t end with blood. I know, I know. But I don’t want things to be really awkward if we do break things off, you know?”

Dean smiled and wrapped his arms around me and squeezed as he smiled at me. I sighed more as tears spilled out of my eyes. I wanted Dean to be happy. I wanted to be happy. But me staying with him would make him happy. Not staying with Dean would make me happy. I sighed as I shifted away from him and sighed as I looked over at him. Dean looked me over as he sighed as he got up, touching my head once more.

Dean shook his head, “You are so fucking hot, like literally burning the fuck up.”

“Thank you for the update Dean, I feel like death and we both-”

Sam paused in the doorway, “Holy shit, you like like Death.”

“Thank you for the update Sam,” I sighed a little bit as I looked into his eyes as I shifted over in my bed. “I feel like it too.”

Sam smiled at me as he shifted down and sat next to me. He looked me over and gave me a soft smile as I sighed a little bit more and tired to get more comfortable. Sam handed Dean the bag of McDonald’s then gave me a bowl of soup. I wanted desperately to throw it out and not touch any food but instead I took the bowl in my hands and sighed as I shifted in my own seat to look at the man who had just come in. The plastic wrapped spoon seemed so much of a waste. I didn’t even bother to open it up and instead opened up the bowl of soup and slurped it down as if I hadn’t had any sort of liquid in days. 

“I’ll…go make some more,” Sam shot up and went down to heat up some more soup.

Seven bowls of soup later I still didn’t look any better. My body was still hungry no matter what the hell I did. I downed some more water but my mouth was so dry that I had to drink more and more water. My head was tilted back but I could sort of see through the class. Cas walked into the room with James trailing behind him. He dropped his bag in shock and rushed over to me, taking the water from me and setting it down on the nightstand. My mouth opened up in shock, jaw dropping to the floor as I tilted my head back up and looked into his eyes. 

“And what the hell do you think you’re doing Noah?”

“And what the hell do you think you’re doing Cas?”

“You’re giving your little kidnapped buddy more power.”

“And how would that be a bad thing?”

Dean raised a finger up and stopped the both of us, “Woah woah woah, first off how did you know he was kidnapped? Second off, what? How in face would that be a bad thing? Am I missing the point or something?”

“Noah said he got a weird feeling from the little old woman we interviewed yesterday. So, while you guys went to the morgue I went back to the apartment building and broke into the woman’s apartment. I heard some noises and Elizabeth’s voice. I didn’t want to interfere until my theories were confirmed but now they are. Elizabeth seems to be starving Roger as a form of torture. Of course the psych link is affecting Noah in the negative way just like Elizabeth had said before. It is now very much past the time and date when Roger would have died. So, by giving him strength you are effectively screwing us to this little hell I like to call earth.”

Dean shook his head and looked him over, “Wow Cas, tell us how you really feel.”

“So you want me to starve to death? Is that what you’re saying Cas?”

Cas nodded and looked at me, “That is essentially what I’m saying, Noah.”

I shook my head as I laid back down on the bed, curling up into a pillow surrounding me. A little bit better now that I could just let myself waste away. I sighed a little bit as I looked over at Dean. He kneeled down to look me in the eyes and brush some hair out of my face. I sighed as I looked into his eyes a little bit more and tried to get comfortable. He wrapped a hand around me and smiled as he laid a hand on my cheek, stoking the bone with his thumb. I sighed a little bit as I looked into Dean’s eyes. 

Let me tell you, actively letting yourself starve to death isn’t the best way to go, if you ask me. There are a lot better ways to kill yourself, if you ask me. But this sort of death leads to a certain type of pain. Only a truly sadistic human being would even try to kill themselves like this. Though, I do pity those who don’t have much of a choice when it comes to getting an eating disorder. But anyone who actively chooses to do this…they are truly sadistic. Though, my experience was a bit more…accelerated to say the least. It was still a little bit of a pain in the ass. 

My eyes shifted over to Dean as I tried to sit up in my own little bit of comfort but he just pushed me down into my own little seat and sighed a little bit as he kissed my forehead. I wanted to move but my body didn’t respond to the command. Time around me seemed to slow down a bit more as everyone seemed to move in slow motion. I wanted to close my own eyes but closing my eyes would mean certain death for me. But a win for all of us. I didn’t know what to do. 

It seemed a little too late for me to make a decision. The hand that was resting on my stomach touched something sticky. Dean’s eyes drifted to the soft sound my fingers made as they pulled away from the fabric on my stomach. I sighed a little bit as Dean touched my own fingers and brought up blood. Blood shot up my throat and made me choke at the taste of the metallic blood in my mouth. I sighed a little bit as I spit up blood. Dean wrapped an arm around me and pulled me closer to him. 

Dean’s own tears touched my body as I shifted into his own body and sighed a little bit as I looked him over. I was covered in tears and blood. Dean was just covered in my own blood as he tried to keep me close to him. 

“No,” Dean’s voice was wet as he held me a lot closer. Even though I knew I wasn’t going to die, we all knew that, it still felt real every single fucking time. I was so scared that I would fall asleep and never wake up. I didn’t want to do anything now that I was here, dying. I wanted nothing more than to let Dean hold me. That’s all I wanted in this moment. “Please don’t go. Please.”

“It will only be a few moments, it won’t be long,” I whispered into Dean’s ear.


	23. Twenty Two

I lifted my head as I looked into Dean’s eyes. He was now the one with all of the wounds. He was sputtering up blood as he looked into my eyes. He gave me one look and that told me everything I needed to know. I had somehow transferred the death to him without meaning to. My mouth opened in a silent scream as I looked into his eyes. Maybe I really did scream, I don’t know. But one thing I did know was that Dean was dying. One of the only men I had ever trusted was now dying in front of my eyes. I shifted in my spot as I held my hands up in uselessness. Dean leaned back and covered up his wound as best he could. I lurched forward and covered the wound as well and tried to stop the bleeding. Dean smiled as more blood poured out of him. 

“Noah, move back,” Cas pushed my hands away from me and placed his own hands on the wound and it almost instantly healed under a glow of pure blue light. “You know how angels can heal things?”

I nodded with tears flooding my eyes, “Does that mean that I make things even worse?” 

Cas nodded as he shifted away from me, “I think that’s how it works.”

Tears spilled out of my eyes as I looked into Dean’s as his eyes more apologetically. I sighed as I looked into his eyes. His eyes were completely tired and bloodshot. Dean groaned as he looked up at me. My eyes drifted over to the area around us. We were in the middle of a field that I had no idea where it was. I shifted in my spot as I looked around. It seemed to be a wheat field bit I couldn’t exactly tell what the hell anything was but all I did was start running into the the middle of the field and towards the forrest lining it.

“Noah!” Dean’s voice fell onto my ears but he got no response. I had nothing to say to him and all I wanted to do was run.

My eyes drifted into the now dark as if it were completely night. My own eyes wandered around me as I looked into the canopy above me. My eyes drifted back down to the other side. A breeze pushed passed me as a shadow crossed my path. I tracked the shadow with my eyes as I moved over to the others as I looked into the darkness around me. My own eyes were shifted to the other shadows moving around me. 

I fell down to my knees as I let the shadows kept moving around us. I looked into their glowing white eyes. I kept my eyes on everyone around me as I tried to calm myself down a little bit. The shadows got closer and closer to me as the tallest shadow walked over to me and leaned down. I reached into my own backpack and clicked the flashlight on. 

I was face to face with the faceless man. My own breath hitched as I looked into where his eyes were. He bent down to his own knees and even then he was still taller than me. He reached out and touched my cheek. I sighed a little bit as I looked into his face. It was so hypnotizing as he pulled me closer to me.

“Look at the precious piece of meat,” One of the shorter figures moved closer to me and snarled a little bit. “It would be a wonderful addition to our collection.”

Another one of the figures spoke up, “No, we can’t get him to join us through force alone. We can only torment him.”

“And where’s the fun in that? We already lost so many to them offing themselves. We only have a few survivors and they’re still actively fighting the good fight.”

“I know what you mean. I know who you’re talking about and you better leave them the fuck alone!”

“And why would we do that. They need to learn a lesson. Join or die. Either by their own hands or our own. Doesn’t matter but they will join eventually.”

“No. I won’t join you. I will never join you. I can’t have myself fall into what the hell is going on with the rest of you.” 

The figure in front of me and shook his head as it twisted its head to look me over. The eyeless gaze made me feel so much worse. I couldn’t see exactly what the hell was going to happen. I sighed as I looked into where his eyes were going to be as I shook my own head and sighed as I looked into his eyes as I tried to move from my spot but there was a trunk behind me. Or what felt like a trunk. As soon as my own hand touched it the man looking me over recoiled as he looked into my eyes. 

I touched the ‘trunk’ once more as I looked into his eyes. He recoiled once more as I shot of a punch into the trunk. The thing recoiled in pain as he looked me over for a second in what I could only assume was in shock. I shot into the darkness and ran into the forrest. My feet weaved in and out of the branches and roots on the floor of the forest. I didn’t care where I was going but the forest seemed to grow in front of me. That didn’t make me feel good either but I kept moving down the path I was on. I kept moving as I tried to make it out alive. 

Voices. The calls of my friends as I rushed towards the voices. It could be a trick for all that I knew but I kept moving through the darkness. I didn’t care what was happening as long as I kept moving and moving away from the things in the forrest. I didn’t want to get anywhere near the things I had just seen. I just kept moving through the ever-growing forrest. My feet pounded in time with my own heart with one mission in my mind.

I kept moving without much attempt to get out of the forest. I couldn’t feel my feet. My feet were completely tired. My foot burned. I turned around in a small circle and tried to orient myself. I looked at each tree. Missing posters were plastered everywhere. At least one on every tree for all that the eye could see. All showing my face. I dropped to my knees as tears streamed down my face. 

“Let me out of here you sick fuck! Let me out of here,” I called out into the darkness.

The same field I had exited from appeared around me. A chill breeze touched my skin as people were combing the area. I locked eyes with one of them and he turned to the others and called out to them. The group rushed over to me and smiled at me as they helped me up. My body was weaker and paler. I was a little bit more unkept. Scratches and bruises covered my body. My own bone stuck out of my leg. It tore through the shirt I had used to cover it up. Blood still seemed to be pouring out of it. Fresh wound. 

“We’ve been looking for you,” One blonde haired man moved closer to me and looked me over. “For over a year.”

“Who are you?”

This is your friend James, don’t you remember him? Please tell me you remember him…and us!

I audibly screamed as the new voice entered my mind. It wasn’t my own voice at all inside my head. It was more masculine. It was more…not my own. It hadn’t been my own. I didn’t know what the hell to do. I jumped up and tried running back towards the forest. But my leg. Oh god, the pain in my leg. And my foot. That too. The pain in my foot. What the hell was that? 

He doesn’t remember any of us! He doesn’t remember any of us. How the hell are we supposed to live if we’re supposed to be in the mind of an amnesiac?

I let loose another scream as I tried to do something with the voices in my head. My head pounded. But they wouldn’t leave me alone. It’s like I couldn’t get them out. I touched my own hand to my temple as I shot a look into the men’s eyes as I tired to make sense of what was going on. 

“He…he lost his memory,” Another one of the men, one with short brown locks and a tie looked me over and touched my cheek. I didn’t even think to recoil. “And whomever did this wasn’t human.”

“Think they were in cahoots with Elizabeth,” Another man spoke up. One with longer, brown hair.

The man whose hand was on my cheek moved towards me. He looked me over as I tried to make sure I was okay. I wrapped the cloth tighter around me. I turned to the men around me. The men sighed as I tried to get up. I sighed. I stood to my own feet as I looked into their eyes one by one. I tried turning away from them but I couldn’t. I was locked into position by one of their hands. 

I attempted even more to get away from them but I couldn’t move. One of the men sighed as he gripped my waist and moved me away from the ground, standing me up a bit more steadily now. I sighed a little bit as I looked into his eyes. 

“Who is Elizabeth? What the hell is going on?”

The men steadily moved me out of the field and out of the dirt, “We’re going to have to him somewhere safe and out of public view.” 

“But first he’s going to have to go to the hospital, yeah? We need someone to fix up that leg of his.” 

The men nodded and pulled me to the street. They dropped me off into the backseat with the blonde haired man and the one with the shorter brown hair and tie. I lifted my own head up a little bit more as I tried to move out of the car but I was locked in. I sighed as I leaned back into my seat and just let this happen. The men were silent but the feeling of this car…just being in it…it brought back a flood of memories. 

~

“Come on, Noah. You’ll love it here. You just have to get out,” My own brain fumbled for the right name. Dean…his name is Dean. “It’s absolutely beautiful and we drove all the way to Alaska to see this.”

The man basically pulled me out of the car and smiled at the camera in my hand. I smiled at him and looked up at the sky. Bright green and blue lights light up the sky. I turned on my camera on and lifted it to the sky. I smiled a little bit more as he looked over my shoulder with his hands wrapped around my waist. 

Dean smiled as he looked me over, “These have to go into your portfolio. They’re fucking gorgeous.” 

“No, they won’t. They’re like anything you can look up.”

“But were those other photos taken by you?”

“No.”

“Then their going in. No ifs, ands, or buts about it young man.”

I rolled my eyes as I turned back to Dean and smiled as he placed a kiss on my cheek before going back to the car. He brought out a blanket and wrapped it around my shoulders with a small smile as he turned back to me. 

~

“Where are we going next? You said you wanted to go to some LA schools?”

This man was completely different but looked eerily similar to Dean. I smiled a little bit at the man with my own eyes and body moving more against not my own movement’s. Sam…he smiled at me as we both sat in front of a map. 

“Yeah, LA would be nice, you know. I think going there and having some vitamin D would be great.”

“Considering you never see the sun, yes. I think it would be fucking great for you.”

Sam ruffled my hair as he turned back to the map and dragged his fingers alongside the map and some of the roads with his own brow furrowed in concentration. I smiled a little bit as he pat me on the back. I smiled a little bit as I moved back into the car. Sam pulled the map closed and smiled a little bit as he got into the car and looked me over. 

~

The other man with the tie…a man named Cas as so helpfully filled in by my own brain sat next to me as I started the car. He gripped onto his seat a little bit more and tightened his body. I smiled at him as I pulled out of the bunker and looked him over as he relaxed a little bit when he realized that I was going to be a safe driver. He weakly smiled at me as I moved in my own spot and looked him over as I started down the road and allowed myself to relax a little bit. Our first hunt alone without Sam or Dean and Dean let me take the car. 

~

Careful steps up the staircase as I looked at each door surrounding me. I twisted my head to either side and made sure that I was the only one with any sort of carefulness. My body moved as I took steps towards the other side of the hall and into one of the rooms. I was pulled into this room as I moved towards the closet door, opening it up. 

A beautiful man was asleep as I looked into his face. I smiled a little bit as I looked him over. He smiled a little bit as I tried to make sure that I was completely okay with being here. I felt like I was going to be intruding on something. But he was gorgeous. He was someone whom I had never seen as I looked into the man’s face. He was some one of those people you would want to make a painting of. He was too gorgeous not to have captured in art. His hair was perfectly curled in soft blonde hair. I smiled a little bit as I dropped down to my knees. 

I reached out a hand and tried to touch him but didn’t completely touch him. It would feel like I was touching some sort of painting. It would be completely wrong. I smiled a little bit as I moved in my own seat as I tried to make sure I was caring for him. But I didn’t feel like moving him so I turned and rushed down the stairs to call out for the others.

~

I shook my head a little bit as I turned around the car, “Sam…Dean…Cas…James?”

Cas perked up in his seat as he turned his head to me and smiled a little bit as I looked into his eyes. I smiled a little bit as I kept my eyes on his. He smiled a little bit as he touched my own hand. I smiled a little bit as I leaned my head into his. I kept my eyes locked on his for a few moments before turning back to look at the others. I smiled a little bit. 

“What brought you back,” Dean locked eyes with me through the rearview mirror. 

“The car…” My voice was a bit more of a whisper as I looked into his eyes as I turned to James whose arms were crossed in front of his chest as he looked into my eyes. “The car brought me back.”

“That’s good, so now that you’ve been gone for about a year, that means all we have to do is cross America now, yeah?

Sam tilted his head to the side and looked at his brother, “After we fix his fucking leg, maybe we could do that first?”

“Yeah, of course, after that.”

~

I hobbled out of the hospital and into the car once more as I looked into Dean’s eyes as I shook my head. He started moving closer as he looked into my eyes and helped me into the car. I sighed as I adjusted my own body to get more comfortable. I smiled as the others climbed into the car. Something was missing…something was off. 

I turned to Dean as he slipped into the car and started it up, “Where the hell are my hounds?”

Dean turned back to me and smiled, “They’re in hell looking for you and holding down the fort, yeah?”

“Okay,” I sighed as I took James’ hand almost subconsciously and smiled at him as he took a deep breath and sighed. “That’s completely fine. Perfectly fucking fine.”

“Hey! You were gone for almost a fucking year! We had no choice but to send them back! We had no idea where the fuck you were! We exhausted every lead that we ever had! There is nothing we didn’t do to try but find you! Do you understand me?”

Dean’s stern voice was more than what I was used to. I recoiled and looked down at my hands as I twisted in my seat to get a little bit more comfortable. I sighed as I looked into his eyes through the rearview mirror. Dean started the car and pulled off. I kept more silent as I looked at my own lap. I sighed as I closed my eyes. 

“Don’t be so fucking hard on Noah. I don’t think he even knew he was gone for that long,” Sam turned back to me and looked me over. “Did you?”

I shook my head as I looked into his eyes as I sighed, “No. I had no fucking idea that I was gone that long. It felt like a few minutes to me and I think you all don’t know that. But whomever trapped me in that forest probably works with Elizabeth. Think about it. What month is it?”

“April,” Dean responded. 

“What year?”

“1975.”

“This is the year Pete Ham died and down to the month. I think she was trying to trap me so that I couldn’t take the death like she was like mine. I already didn’t take two deaths which means Elizabeth probably killed them. We need to get a leg up on him.” 

Dean sighed a little bit as he shook his head. He dropped his eyes as I tried to collect myself as I tired to get a little bit more comfortable in my own seat as I tried to make sure I was completely okay. Dean kept silent as he looked me over from the rearview mirror as I kept my eyes down and tried to adjust myself a bit more as I tired to do something about it. I sighed.

Sam looked into my eyes as I moved in my own spot, “Come on, hear Noah out Dean.” 

“Fine. I will hear Noah out, for a little bit but I call bullshit on your little story.”

I sighed as I opened my mouth to speak but couldn’t find the right words. I sighed more as I looked into Dean’s eyes as I kept trying to find the right words. I looked at him and tried to figure out where the hell to start. I wanted to so something but had no idea where the hell to begin. I sighed more as I turned to Dean. 

“I was taken by slenderman and mocked by some of his little fucking proxies.”

Dean laughed out loud but was silenced by a slap on the arm coming from his brother. I knew it sounded ridiculous so I just shut up. I leaned back into my seat and tightened my lips. Dean looked into my eyes as I looked into his eyes. He recoiled as he shifted in his seat and looked back to the road. James squeezed my hands. I sighed a little bit as I looked down. James smiled a little bit and sighed as I looked into his eyes. 

James leaned his head on my shoulder as the cabin went quiet. No one seemed to want to speak. I defiantly didn’t want to speak. Not after all of the laughing that Dean did. I sighed a little bit as I closed my eyes. I sighed. I went into a bit of a slumber to try and fall asleep. James held Jame’s own hands. 

~

I woke up a few hours later. I sighed as I rubbed my eyes. Dean was still driving and now it was night. The darkness was all encompassing. I sighed as anxiety took me over. I looked into his eyes. Sam and Cas were knocked out. As was James. I shifted in my own seat as I looked into his eyes. Dean smiled at me as he looked me over.

“Sorry about laughing earlier. I didn’t mean to do that. Especially now that I know how badly you were…you know.”

I nodded, “Yeah. It’s okay. I know that I know you won’t do anything I should tell you that I was gone for almost a whole year but it did felt that I was only gone for a few minutes. I swear that I was only gone for a few minutes!”

James stirred in his own seat and I quieted down. I sighed as I lowered my own voice. Dean smiled as I looked into his eyes. Dean smiled as he looked into my eyes. He looked at me as I sighed as I moved in my seat. I looked into his eyes as he went a little bit further. He rubbed his eyes as I looked into his eyes. 

“I think I’m a little to tired to carry on this conversation. Do you want to drive for a little bit since you’re all up and awake.”

I nodded as Dean pulled over and shifted in his seat. I crawled over the center console and into the driver’s seat. I smiled. Dean smiled as I sat on his lap. I smiled a little bit as I shifted in his seat. I giggled as I looked into his eyes as I turned into his seat. I smiled as Dean got hard underneath me. I smiled as I looked into his eyes and bent down and kissed his neck. Dean smiled and moaned lightly as I bit into his neck giving him a bit of a hickey. I turned back around and smiled at him through the rearview mirror. 

“Now move, I’ve got to drive,” I smiled as I looked into his eyes and shifted in my own. Dean shifted in his seat as I looked into his eyes as he moved away from me and smiled as he sat down in the backseat and buckled up. “Now get ready for some really fucking bad driving.” 

Dean chuckled and leaned back to fall asleep; I smiled as I looked into his eyes. I smiled as I looked into the rearview mirror. Dean looked so peaceful when he was sleep. I smiled as he shifted in his seat. I smiled as I looked into his eyes. Dean smiled in his sleep. He mumbled as he moved in his seat. 

“Noah,” Dean mumbled as he moved in my seat. I wasn’t really looking at the road but I didn’t care all that much. I looked more at Dean. He looked so fucking peaceful. 

“I’m right here,” Dean shifted in his seat towards my own voice. I smiled as he did so because it was so cute. It was really cute to be honest. It was the best thing to ever see him moved towards my own voice. “I’m right here Dean.”

“Noah,” Dean moaned out a little bit more as he shifted over to Cas. I smiled a little bit as I looked into where his eyes were. They fluttered a little bit as I looked into the sockets that were where his eyes were. 

“Come on, I’m right here Dean. Stop saying my name like that.”

I knew he could hear me. Dean was light sleeper. He was had always kept an ear out for any sort of danger. It was kind of cute since I had woken him up a few times giving him head and it only took him a few seconds to do so. He smiled in his sleep as he softly moaned. Dean kept moving in his seat in an attempts to get more comfortable. I giggled at his little seat. Dean moved more as he slipped into more of a sleep-like state. I smiled as I looked at him once more. Dean smiled as well as I slipped my own body back and pressed on the gas. 

“Noah,” Dean moaned more pornographically as he shifted in his seat a little bit more. 

He knew what he was doing as I shifted in my seat to try and get some friction to my ever growing heat. He seemed to be hot and bothered as well, his own little monster growing. He smiled a little bit as he leaned back into his own seat and placed a hand underneath his head. I sighed a little bit. I smiled as I turned back into the room. Dean shifted in his seat as he opened up his own eyes and looked me over. I smiled a little bit more as he looked me over. I don’t think he thought that I could see him doing this. His own body shifted as he looked me over with hungry eyes before closing his eyes and falling back to sleep.

Dean went back to moaning my name pretty discreetly as to not wake up any one else. All I wanted to do was to get him out of the car and let him fuck me. But instead I placed my foot on the gas and sped up. Night turned into day. The sun rising slowly in front of me as I continued pushing east bound towards Minnesota. James was wake in the backseat, the first one awake, while everyone else was still asleep. 

I thought I was the one who was actually missing sleep. But with Dean, Sam and Cas were still asleep in the backseat with soft smiles on their faces as I looked them over. Cas and Dean were completely knocked out in the back. Though, Sam was completely knocked out in the front seat. His own body was twisted up in the front seat. I smiled as I looked at James. James smiled at me as he looked me over.

“Are they light sleepers,” James tilted his head as I looked over into the three people still asleep. “Or heavy sleepers?”

“Dean is a light sleeper, though I think that comes from most of his life being a hunter and taking care of his brother. Cas really can knock out if he feels safe enough, like in the car during a road trip. But Sam, he tends to be more of a medium type sleeper. It takes a little bit more to wake him up but he will weak up if need be.”

James nodded as he shifted in his seat. I smiled more as I turned my attention back to the road, “What day is it?” 

“Uhhhh…you might want to ask Sam or Dean about that. I have no idea what day it is.”

I nodded as my own body started to feel more tired. I sighed which turned into a big yawn. Dean almost seemed to shoot up. Dean smiled as I looked into the rearview mirror. 

“Do you want to take a little drive, Dean? Or do you want to tell me what day it is?”

“It’s, uhhh,” Dean lifted his watch to his face and looked into it. “It’s the twenty-fourth of April. Why?”

I groaned as my own body moved into the seat as I pulled the car over onto the side of the road and locked eyes with James. I sighed as I looked into his eyes through the mirror. The moment we locked eyes, he seemed to know. Dean pulled himself into the drivers seat and sat down into my lap. The two of us were completely close. Right in front of James. The two of us chuckled as we shot a look to James. James smiled as he lifted his own hands up and moved out of the car. Dean sighed as I looked into his eyes once more. I sighed a little bit as we looked into each other’s soul what it seemed like it. 

I finally opened my mouth after a few moments of silence, “Today is the day I die and we can’t get to Englanf in time before I go and just die. I don’t know what the hell is going to happen. We’ve never been this far away from the deaths.”

I looked into his eyes as I sighed a little bit as we both moved in the seat. Dean accidentally hit the horn and panicked. Both of us both paused as we looked into each of the other two people in the car. The two others were still asleep no matter how much the two of us moved. I smiled a little bit as I looked into Dean’s eyes. He chuckled a little bit as I looked into his eyes. He looked a little bit like a child once again, or a younger version of himself, when he chuckled a little bit. Dean smiled a little bit as I looked into his eyes. 

“Thank you so much for being here, you know? For taking us on this trip. I don’t think I ever even told you that but its been one of the best experiences of my life. One of the best hunts I could have ever asked for.” 

Dean smiled a little bit as I shifted underneath his weight. I smiled as I moved into one of the only little seats of the driver’s seat. I smiled as I looked into his eyes as I moved into the seat more. I smiled when Dean moved back down into the seat. Dean shifted in own seat above me as he looked into my eyes more as Dean opened the door and flipped out of the car almost.

I followed him out of the room. Dean held my hand as I looked out into one of the forests as he held my hand. He lifted it up to his lips as he looked into my eyes. He kissed my own fingers as he did so. James groaned as Dean turned his attention to the angel. Dean looked into his eyes and let out a soft groan. I sighed as I moved into the seat as I looked over to Dean. Dean turned his attention to me and smiled at me. He shifted in his seat as I moved towards the forest. Dean yanked me back to him as I looked into his eyes. 

“You are not going back into the forest. We can’t have you lost for another year. You yourself said it. We can’t have Elizabeth taking you out of here and making you more and more weak, yeah?”

I nodded as I moved down into my own seat on the side of the room. Dean sighed as we looked down at me. Our bodies moved as he sat down next to me. He held my own hand as he kissed the top of my head as I moved away from him. Dean placed his head on my shoulder. I sighed as the two of us held each other close. I sighed as I moved to look into Dean’s face. 

Tears filled my eyes as I turned and looked at him, “I don’t want to die Dean. I don’t want to die. Not again. Not over and over and over again. It hurts and I’m dangerous. You should just start trying to kill me right now.” 

Dean lifted his head, hitting me in the chin as he did so. He placed a hand on my wound as I smiled into his eyes. I looked into his eyes. He seemed to be completely saddened on the inside. I didn’t want to completely die. Dean was one of those people that hid his feelings well. I knew that he might be one of those people who wouldn’t agree to it. 

“Come on Dean,” Tears spill out of my eyes. “Dean, I know you don’t want to fucking do it but you have to. Aren’t you fucking angry?”

I lifted his shirt revealing the bandaged wound on his stomach and looked into his eyes, “Be angry at me. I killed you. I hurt you. Be fucking angry at me. I know deep down you’re angry at me for doing that to you so be angry.”

“I’m not going to be like your mother. It was a fucking accident. You didn’t mean to hurt me. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me and I know that you’re going to be fine.”

I shook my head a little bit as I looked into his eyes. I got up and began walking down the busy highway before pacing back to Dean. At this point Cas and Sam were already out of the car and looking me in the eyes as I moved towards them. Sam had his arms crossed in front of me. I looked into his eyes as I moved towards him more but all he did was shake his head and move away from me. I lowered my own head and sighed as I looked down at my own hands. Dean got up and placed both of his hands on my shoulders and pulled me closer. 

“Not everyone is like your mom, Noah. Not everyone is going to hurt you for a simple mistake.”

“But it wasn’t something like moving a book from it’s proper place or forgetting to put something away. I physically hurt you and that really hurts me. Hurting you hurts me.” 

Dean shook his head as he moved closer to me and looked into Sam’s eyes from across the way. I sighed as I looked into his eyes when he pulled away from me as he looked into my eyes as well and shook his head, “You are going to be okay. I will not start looking to kill you.”

“Dean, he is practically doomed to keep dying over and over with every new member and could be a danger to anyone around him if he accidentally touches someone. I think it would be a good idea to start looking for a way to kill him off.”

“See,” I lifted an arm to point over at Cas with tears in my eyes. “Someone agrees with me!”

Dean shook his head, “We are not doing that, okay? We are not going to kill Noah.”

“We have to, it would be completely dangerous to let me keep going o-” 

“No, we are not going to kill you Noah. That is not apart of the plan and you know it.”

“But if I am a danger to society then it only makes sense to make everyone else safe. I don’t want to kill anyone.”

“Dean, he’s a little bit of a shit but he has a point. He’s going to have to take it like a champ and he was the one who brought it up because he’s the only one who even know what the hell is going on inside his head.”

“I mean, does that even consider my feelings about this? I love Noah and losing him…”

“So you’re making this totally selfish decision to keep me alive when I want to die?” 

“Yes because it isn’t going to do anything good to kill yourself and isn’t that completely selfish in its own right?”

“Yes but it isn’t completely selfish when I don’t want anyone else to die. Maybe me being dead keeps every twenty-seven year old safe, okay?”

“You are not the patron saint of the 27 Club. You are a normal person who-”

“So I’m a fucking human being now? What? Like I wasn’t just a little hell spawn a few weeks ago?”

Dean flushed as he pointed to me a little bit more angrily, “I…uh…that isn’t what that meant and you know that!” 

“Of course that isn’t what you meant because now you want to be selfish and keep my all to yourself, isn’t that right you little asshole!”

I was ready to jump on him right then and there. All I wanted to do was strangle the life out of him. How dare he get to be selfish right now. How dare he even try to keep me alive? How dare he want to keep me here on earth when I clearly didn’t want to be here? I wanted to kill him. I wanted to just stab him. I needed to stab him. 

I grabbed my own angel blade and lunged at Dean. He didn’t even know what the hell was going on with him. I jumped onto him and lifted the knife above my head. Tears poured out of my eyes. He looked up at me and gave me a smile as he looked me over. I sighed a little bit as I put the knife down next to him. Dean sighed as he looked me over. 

“Do you see how fucking serious I am about this? Are you completely satisfied with what might be the outcome if you keep me ali-”

The wind was knocked out of me as something went around my throat. I struggled to breath and choked on the last bits of air being forced out of my lungs. I shifted, reaching out to Dean with one hand wrapping around my throat to try and start breathing again. A snap of my neck…then darkness.


	24. Twenty Three

I rubbed my head as I awoke once more. It seemed like we hadn’t even moved but I was in a hospital bed restrained. My neck was in a brace as I expected and I moved more sluggishly as I tired to get up. Dean sighed as I gave Dean a small smile. But he moved completely away from me. I sighed as I turned away from his face. Dean sighed as he placed a hand on my shoulder. I sighed as well but it came out as more of a wheeze than anything else. Cas shot a look over up at me as I looked into his eyes. Cas sighed as he looked me over. 

He looked like he was hell bent on killing me and I wouldn’t blame him. I would love to kill myself to. I shook my head as I looked into his eyes Cas shook his head more as I shifted in my seat. Sam gave me a smile which was better than the murder looks everyone else gave me. I would want to let everyone kill me. I shifted in my own seat more. 

“Noah…it’s only been a few months. It is going to be okay. No one is going to kill you.”

But they should. I’m a fucking monster, I shook my head as I wrung my hands in mine. 

Then where would we go? We can’t go to anyone else after you die, Kurt’s voice was loud and proud anymore.

I am a danger to society. I can’t go on more and more like this. I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do now that I killed Dean. 

You didn’t kill Dean. You just wounded him but you guys are completely tired and it was an accident.

An accident that could’ve killed him. I don’t want to do the to anyone else. I can’t have that happen to anyone else. It hurts too much. It hurts me too much. 

Come on, Kurt sighed a little bit as he moved around in my head a little bit more. He’s not going to hold that against you for the rest of your life, you know? 

I don’t have a life if he’s no longer in it and if I end up accidentally killing someone. 

I shook my head as I turned towards Dean. A sigh left my mouth as I looked into his eyes. He was defiantly pissed off. He was pushed away from me. He wasn’t touching me at all. He didn’t even want to look me. But to be honest, I didn’t even want to look at me. I sighed once more as I shifted in my seat. I didn’t want to move because everyone seemed to be tense. I looked down as I shifted in my own spot more. I turned to James who also seemed to be pissed the fuck off. 

I didn’t want to move. The anger in my heart hung in my chest. Dean seemed to be a little bit more pissed off than what I thought it was. I shifted in my own seat as I looked into his eyes. Dean didn’t even want to look me in the eyes. I sighed a little bit more as all I wanted to do is kill myself. But I literally couldn’t. Dean smiled a little bit as he looked over at his brother. 

“Want to get us some food,” Dean turned to me, his own face hardening as he looked me over. “Except not you. You get liquids for the next few weeks while your neck heals.”

I wanted to kick his ass. If he had only agreed to kill me. We wouldn’t want me to die but I don’t think I should be a terrible person for wanting to not be a danger to everyone. I shook my own head as I looked into his eyes. He shook his own head as I looked away from all of them. I didn’t want to be a little shit to everyone around me. I shook my own head as I turned away from him. 

Dean stood up as I looked into his eyes. He rubbed his shoulder. He shook his head as I moved away from him. He sighed a little bit as I moved away from him. His gaze was ever growing as he moved away from me. I let out a soft sigh as I looked into his eyes. Dean looked me over and sighed more as I tired to wake up. I felt the awkwardness in the room. I wanted to completely tired. 

I just wanted to kill myself. I was the danger to everyone around me. I knew I was a danger to everyone around me. It didn’t seem fair to keep him going like this. I wanted to kill myself for the sake of everyone around me. For the world. I didn’t think that I was okay to keep going. I shook my head a little bit as I tired to get even more life in me. IVs pumping fluid and nutrients into me. It was a life I didn’t want to live any more. I knew that much. 

“Sam,” I weakly croaked out as I looked into his eyes. “Can I speak to you for a moment alone?”

Sam nodded as Cas and James stood up out of the seat and looked into my eyes wearily. I sighed as I shifted over in my bed as he looked me over. I looked into his eyes as I shifted more. Sam sighed as I looked into his eyes. He gave me a kiss on the fingers as he looked into my eyes. 

“They’re pissed about my idea, I know that much, and the attack on Dean. It was stupidly impulsive isn’t it?”

“Dean is just stubborn. He doesn’t think that you can be as independent as you are. I think he just kind of thinks of you as the child you once were. The suicidal teenager that doesn’t know how to act and govern themselves properly.” 

I nodded as I looked into his eyes as I moved away from him. Sam nodded as he looked into my eyes. I sighed as I tried to move in my seat. Sam scooted over and sighed as he took my hand. He brought my hand to his lips. We sat in silence for a few moments before either one of us spoke again. 

“He’s starting to act like his father, you know. He’s been drinking more and more and his temper…it’s out of control. It’s like walking on fucking eggshells around him, you know?”

Sam shook his head as he turned his eyes down to the floor. I sighed as I looked into his eyes or at least where his eyes are. Sam brought his eyes up to mine as he shifted in his own seat. I looked over his body. Sam sighed as he shifted in his seat as he looked me over. 

“I don’t even want to think about that at all,” Sam shook his head and sighed. “I don’t know what the hell is going on with him even more.”

“Which is why we have to set him straight! We can’t even have him going down this path. If he goes down that path we’re all going to be walking on eggshells.”

Sam shifted in his seat, “And what the hell do you propose we do about it, huh?”

“I don’t know what the hell is going to happen to him. I mean, he’s going to just keep going down this path and I don’t want him to end up like my mom of John. Maybe it’s just a little bit of trauma but I don’t want that to happen to him.” 

Sam nodded as he looked me over. I shifted and lifted a hand to my now disgusting hair that was being to dread up and really annoy me. I never really had the chance to wash it. Sam smiled as he looked over my hair, reaching out but pausing before he actually touched my hair and with a nod from me he touched it. His hands made a soft crunching noise as he touched my hair. It was dry as hell, at least more towards the ends. The roots and top of my hair seemed to be dripping in oil. 

“We should shave it off,” I smiled as my own voice croaked out the words. “Really scare the crap out of the others.”

Sam chuckled as he nodded, “Do we have any razors in here? Think we might need an electric one.”

“I think Dean keeps one in his bag,” I pointed over to his bag and smiled. Sam smiled as he reached over and grabbed the bag, bringing out his electric razor. 

“How the hell did you know he would bring one of these on the mission,” Sam began plugging in the razor as he chuckled as he shook his head in awe. I smiled a little bit as I shook my head in a little bit. Sam turned on the razor and smiled as looked me over. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes, go on, do it before I start to second guess myself,” Sam smiled and ran the razor over my hair cutting off a chunk of my hair. “Woah!”

Sam stopped as he looked me over a little bit as he turned his attention to my eyes, “Are you okay?”

I touched the small patch that had already been taken off. The stubble felt so new to me. I giggled as I looked into his eyes. I hoped the smile I gave him would give him a bit more confidence. Sam smiled more as I moved down in my seat and lifted up my head. 

“Well go on, it’s not going to shave itself,” I chuckled as I locked eyes with Sam.

Sam continued to shave my head and brought all of the hair up to my lap. Almost twenty-two years of growing my hair and it was all going away in a few seconds. Sam smiled as he looked me over and gave some more hair to hold. He held my head up as he smiled over me and sighed as he moved back and turned off the razor. He gave me a smile as we looked at the mass of hair in my lap. 

“You look amazing all bald like,” Sam rubbed a hand over my bald head with all of the air hitting my scalp. “It looks amazing on you, really it does.” 

I reached out as I looked into his eyes, “Can you get me a mirror for me please?”

Sam nodded and got up. He walked into the bathroom and smiled at me. I gave him a soft smile as I moved in my place in awaitment for the mirror. Sam came back a few moments later before I looked into it. My head was completely covered in the same bruises and scars that the rest of my own body but if my whole head was healed then I do think it would have looked objectively cool. I giggled as I rubbed over my head. Sam gave me a quick smile as he looked into my eyes. 

“I do look very good,” I smiled as I looked into the mirror a bit more as I checked into my eyes. “It looks very badass.”

“Do you want me to go get the others,” Sam cocked his head to the sighed as I looked into his eyes. I nodded a little bit as I turned back to check myself out in the mirror.

Sam opened up the door and looked me over as I looked into his eyes as the others walked into the room. Dean stepped in first. His own eyes widened as he looked me over. I smiled as he looked me over. Dean’s own eyes shifted over me as I looked into his eyes. I smiled a little bit as Cas stepped into the room as well. Cas’ eyes drifted over me as he looked at me as well. Dean smiled a little bit as he sat down next to me as well. I smiled at him as well but I had no idea what the hell he was feeling. He was hot then he was cold then hot again. I never really thought about it more than I had did before. I continued to look him over as James stepped into my room. James’ own eyes widened as well as he looked me over.

Dean shot a look to Sam then at me, “Who’s idea was it to just shave it all off?”

“Mine,” I raised a hand and looked at Dean. He shook his head as I shifted down into the seat. “It was my idea.”

“Okay, okay, we’re going to need you to get out of here as soon as possible. I don’t think we need you to wait any longer.”

~

One nurse appointment later and a pharmacy visit later (for more medication), we were out and about. Dean kept his distance from me. He moved toward me every so often as if he was changing his mind but he never really seemed to get any closer than a few feet. I sighed as I moved away from him and tired to get a better grasp on what was happening. Sam kept closer to me as he held my hand in his. He seemed to be the only one who seemed to care for what was going on. The fact that I had a distance away from Dean. The fact that I had a choice in my own death. 

Cas walked up to me and smiled as he stood next to me. My own eyes drifted to Dean as he tried to keep as much distance between us. Dean moved even more closer to me but then moved back away from me. I wanted to move even closer to him and sighed as he moved his body away from me. The three of us were closer than what Dean seemed to want for me. I sighed ever so slightly as I took Cas’ hand in mine. 

“I know Dean doesn’t think you can’t choose when and how you want to die but you can and I wholeheartedly agree with you.” 

Sam nodded a little bit as he looked me over more as we moved closer together. Dean shifted closer. He was listening to us. He had heard what Cas had said even though he hadn’t even done anything to raise his own voice. I shifted over to Dean and smiled at Sam as he noticed the shift in movement as well. 

“Me too, you know your own limits and you know when you can be dangerous. You wounded someone you care about then what might happen to other people that you don’t care about, you know?” 

“Exactly what I was trying to say! But he only seems to care about himself and not others. I know suicide is technically a really selfish thing to do but honestly when the fate of other people are in my hands. I know that I can’t let myself kill anymore innocent people.”

Dean shifted even closer to us. Sam wrapped an arm around me as I looked into his eyes as I walked down the street with the group. Soft fur brushing against my skin every few seconds. My hounds had gotten the juice all the way up back to earth. I smiled as everyone else moved to accommodate the tall hounds. I smiled as Cas shifted closer to me and sighed as I moved closer to him as well. 

My comment seemed to snap Dean in half and out of his shell. He almost lunged towards me as he stepped in front of me. He pressed a finger into my chest and pushed me back. I sighed as I flipped my hands up. Dean pushed me even farther back as he looked into my eyes. He was angry. 

“Innocent people don’t matter when you could be sent back to hell,” Dean practically yelled at me. 

Loki stepped in front of me and are his size so I was a good few feet away from him. Maybe half a mile away from Dean. Loki snapped at Dean, almost biting his face off with drool hitting his face. Dean dropped back in fear as he looked me over. 

Dean locked eyes with me as he yelled down past Loki’s legs,“Get your fucking dog!” 

“No! Not when your threatening the lives of more than just me. Have you lost your fucking morals?”

Dean pulled out the waterworks as he looked me over, “I love you and I can’t stand to lose you!” 

“Not when you’re actually ruining the lives of others by stupidly giving me life when I don’t want it anymore and am putting people in danger.” 

“You aren’t going to put people in danger if we try and keep you safe. Keep you away from people.”

“So you’re going to lock me in the bunker like the fucking monster that I am? That’s no life for anyone to live and you know it.” 

“Fine then, we’re through.”

“We were never really anything to begin with!”

Dean sighed as he looked straight into my eyes. I shifted in my spot a little bit as I moved away from him a little bit more. Dean stood up as he twisted his own body away from me. Dean dusted himself off as he looked me over and shifted away from me. I shifted away from him and looked down at my own hands. Dean and I looked down before shifting our eyes back to each other. The two of us sighed as we looked into each others eyes. Neither of us wanted to break from out stance. We were going to not move from what we were thinking. The two of us shifted out and away from Noah. Loki shifted into my eyes as I kept walking away from Dean. 

Cas wrapped his arms around me as I looked into his eyes as I shifted a little bit more as he held me close. I sighed as I looked into his eyes as I looked at him. Cas looked into my eyes as he moved closer to me and hugged me again. Hugging was odd for Cas. He didn’t seem to hug me all that often but yet he did. He held me closer as Sam wrapped his arms around me from behind me. I sighed a little bit as I shifted in my seat. I moved away from him as I looked into his eyes. 

“Why the fucking hug?”

Cas tilted his head to the side and looked at me, “Because I feel bad for you. Am I not allowed to feel bad to you.”

“You just got broken up with,” Sam smiled a little bit as he looked me over and smiled at me. “Do you want to just veg out?”

“We have a fucking mission to accomplish. I have no idea what the hell you two are thinking but we’ve got shit to do no matter if Dean is here or not.”

Sam straightened up and looked into my eyes as he shifted in his spot a little bit as I looked into his eyes, “You’re right. We can figure things out later. Let you mope in peace.”

“Cas, I need you to go to Hell with my hounds here and start pulling souls, okay? We need to get this suicide mission over and done with as soon as possible.”

Cas shook his head as he looked me over, “That could take months, maybe even years, to do that but…if you say so.”

“I know the risks of this kind of thing and I know that in the end I am going to die, no matter how long it takes. Please, do it.”

Sam shifted, “Is this really something you want to go through with or are you just saying this out of anger?”

“I’m sending the order out, aren’t I? Then we will do what I say. My hunt, my life. Both of which are in my hands.”

Sam nodded as Cas grabbed ahold of Loki, lifting himself onto the huge hound. I smiled at the others and began moving out, turning back to Sam as I looked into his eyes. Sam wrapped an arm around me and smiled as he looked me over. 

Sam’s hand spread out on the small of my back as he ushered me over to the people in the streets, “Come on, we’re both going to do fine, we really are.” 

A wave of panic went over my body as I looked into James’ eyes then Sam’s. This was one of the last times I would ever see their eyes. One of the last times I will spend on earth. One of the last times I will walk on earth with one of my best friends. The last hunt I might ever go one. I leaned into Sam’s shoulder as I relished in just being with him. He smiled as he turned into me and held me in his arms as he pulled me closer to him. For there we held each other for a few moments. I sighed as he pulled me into his chest as I let a few tears rolled down my cheeks. 

“You’re going to be okay Noah. We’ve got you.” Sam pulled back as he looked into my eyes. 

I nodded as Sam took my hand as we moved down the street with each other. Sam smiled at me as he wrapped his arms around me once more. I smiled as he did so as I moved into his own body. He smiled as we kept moving down the street aimlessly. I didn’t feel any sort of pull towards anyone in particular. Sam kept pushing me towards the two of us. I walked alongside him.

I turned to Dean and looked into his eyes, “Where do you think Dean went off to?”

Sam shrugged as he kept his hand in mine, “Probably to some hotel or something.”

I nodded as I looked into his eyes. Sam sighed as he wrapped his own arms around me as he looked into my eyes as he smiled at me. He looked like he was going to hug me again but he didn’t move. My own body moved closer to him. Even with James here, I felt awkward. Alone, I would have felt the exact same. Sam was being so close to me. We knew on occasion that I was going to die. I shifted towards Sam and wrapped my arms around his body as I looked into his eyes. 

Sam turned to James and looked me over, “Hey James? Can you go try and find Dean?”

“And how will I contact with you if I do find Dean?”

Sam nodded as he pulled a pen out of his pocket and wrote his number on a piece of paper, “Tell Dean to call this number as soon as you find him, yeah? If not just call this number and tell us that you didn’t find him. Okay?”

James nodded and walked off. I couldn’t even seem to take my eyes off of him and his perfect body. But I snapped back to reality as I looked Sam over as he rubbed my back. I smiled as he brought me over to a bench and sat me down. I held back some tears. I looked into his eyes as the waterworks turned on. Sam wrapped his arms around me as I looked into his eyes as he held me closer to him and kissed my temple. 

“It’s okay to be nervous about dying. Even the death you choose. But…uhhh…who the hell do you want to kill you off?”

“You…I think you were the only home who has shown me any sort of kindness this entire mission and I want you to do it for me.”

Sam nodded as he held me closer to me and wrapped an arm around me as I cried into his chest. He sighed as he looked into my eyes and wrapped his own arms around me once more. I sighed as I wiped the tears from my eyes and tried to calm myself down. He placed a kiss on my temple once more as I looked into his eyes as I moved towards him. 

“I don’t really want to die and you know that but there’s no way to get out of doing this without getting other people killed.”

Sam nodded as he looked me over and sighed as I moved into his body and tried to get some sort of warmth frown out of him. I sighed a little bit as I moved towards him and let some more tears roll out of my body. I tried to stop my own crying. But I couldn’t do anything about it. I felt so fucking terrified of what the hell I was going to do within a few months. When I was already so fucking weak from doing everything else in this mission. Sam held me, rubbing my own shoulder as he held me close to him. 

Sam shifted in his seat as he looked into my eyes and gave me a soft smile. He placed a hand on my shoulder and smiled a little bit as I looked into his eyes. Our eyes locked as I sighed, tears still flowing down my face. All I could think about Dean. Where he was and what was going on and what he might be thinking. He couldn’t be too heartbroken over me, right? He had only ‘been’ with me for a few weeks. The two of us were going to have to deal with it but neither of us were going to go from our points. 

I shook my head as I looked not Sam’s eyes once more as I took his hands in mine and blinked against the sunlight. Sam’s shadow soon crossed mine and blocked out some of the sun. I moved towards him. He looked me over as he swung our hands in between us. I looked him over, curling into his chest and holding him a little bit.

“Come on, we’ve got a mission to do,” I smiled up at him and looked into his eyes. “Can’t have me crying all the time.”

Sam nodded as he moved into the room. He wrapped his arms around me and smiled. My own phone vibrated in my jeans. I paused as I fumbled around in my pocket trying to get out my phone as discreetly as possible. I fumbled my way into a spot that was less populous. I turned my back to the people who were around me and smiled at him. Sam placed a hand on my back and looked me over

I covered my second ear and looked at Sam, “Hello?” 

“Why the hell did you send James to come get me,” Dean yelled into the phone, making me pull me away from the phone. 

“I mean, we were wondering where the hell you were. We wanted to make sure you were safe.”

Dean let out a sigh before he next spoke, “So you send James to come after me like this?”

“Well yeah, we kind of have a mission to do and you ran off. I can’t just drop everything and run after my ex.”

Dean sighed, hanging up the phone with no other words said over the phone. I sighed as I looked into Sam’s eyes as I shifted away from him. He looked me over and sighed a little bit and looking me over as I walked away from him. Sam practically ran after me and smiled as I looked forward. 

“Who the hell was that?”

I shrugged as I looked into Sam’s eyes before turning back forward, “Who the hell do you think?”

“What did he say?”

“Asked why we sent James instead of someone like me after him like he’s a big fucking star.”

Sam shrugged as he walked down the street with me. His eyes drifted over me and wrapped an arm around me. The cold was bitter as snow drifted down over us. I was wholly unprepared for the winter. I hadn’t really packed winter clothes. It was too heavy to keep carrying around. Sam wrapped his arms around as I looked over at him. He smiled as he kissed my forehead and smiled at me. I smiled back at him and moved in my spot. 

This all felt like Dean was still here. I wished it was Dean here. It was a heat of the moment decision to break up with him. If you could even call it that. We would never actually commit to someone like me. I knew how much he liked going around and fucking anything that moved. I knew that he was one of the only things that would flirt with anything that moved and now I knew that he couldn’t keep a tie to anyone but Lisa and whatever the hell that kids name was. He was a little man whore if I’ve ever met one. Not that it was a bad thing but holy hell was he hard to deal with on a daily basis with all of his lingering looks and all that jazz. But I really didn’t care up until I was ‘dating’ him.

But I still fell for him knowing this might end up like this. I didn’t know what I had expected until I started dating him. I guess it was all something that I didn’t want confirmed by him. The hunter was a little bit more of what I had expected with his temper. I probably wouldn’t have fallen in love love with him. A friendship love, more like it. Sam switched as he looked me over and wrapped an arm around me. As much as I wanted to get away from his body but I guess it was more so of the comfort more so that than that. I got closer to him and held him. 

“How do you even feel like dying today? Sad, hopeful, optimistic?”

“Scared.”

“Why?”

“The last few times I have been caught off guard with all of the deaths so I have no idea if I get any warning this time.” 

Sam nodded a little bit as he looked me over and held my hand, “Do you think you’re going to get some sort of symptoms soon?”

I shook my head a little bit and shrugged, not really knowing if or when I really was going to fall asleep. Sam kept his arm around me and smiled as he looked me over and kept us in silence. Bitter wind hitting our cheeks before Sam placed a hand on my shoulder and pulled us into a coffee shop to get more warm. 

The coffee shop was small, but very warm. The walls were a deep maron and the inside smelled strongly of water that worked me up a little bit as I slipped into a booth as I looked him over. Sam walked up to the counter and ordered some food and coffee. I smiled as I looked Sam over. He did look a lot like his brother. Now that I had thought a lot about it since I met the brothers. They had never really looked that much a like. But spending a few years with the brothers was enough for me to see the familial ties between the two. 

Sam came back a few moments later with some warm drinks and a smile on his face. I looked at the brother as he slid into the booth and looked me over as I moved in my seat to get the coffee off of the table. Sam reached for the same cup and I smiled a little bit as I looked into his eyes when our fingers touched lightly. It seemed like Dean was looking back at me but I knew it was just Sam looking a lot like Dean. I smiled a little bit as I pulled back and looked at the other cup and took it. 

I smiled a little bit as I sipped on the hot coffee. The warm liquid went down my throat as I warmed up as I looked into his eyes. Sam smiled at me as I took another sip of the coffee as I watched the snow fall out of the sky and down to the ground. Sam reached out to me and tapped on the table and snapped me out of the thoughts I had while I was trying to figure out what was happening. 

“Hey,” Sam smiled at me as I looked into his eyes. “What the hell is going on inside of there?”

I shrugged as I looked at the cup, “I don’t really know what’s going on up there.”

Sam nodded as he sipped on his coffee and looked out the window, “You seem a little bit spaced out.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sorry about that,” I looked into the eyes of Sam. “It’s just a little sad knowing I’m going to die again.”

Sam nodded softly as he looked into my eyes. I smiled as I looked into his eyes once more. He seemed a little too sweet for my taste. But he was the common denominator in some of my more favorite moments. From my first concert of my little spree, One Direction, to my last of the spree Warped Tour 2018. It was all very fun when I looked back on it with Sam just standing there looking bored out of his mind at One Direction to him covering his ears and going to the bathroom during my first out of four Motionless in White concerts. I chuckled a little bit at the memory and shifted over in my seat. 

Sam tilted his head to the side as he looked me over, “Of course, but what’s running through your head right now?”

“I’m going to die not knowing what the hell is going to happen to me once I wake up. If Dean will be there. If I will even wake up.”

Sam shook his head as I kept moving about in my seat to look out the window. We sat in the silence as the warmth of the air began to get even better as more people began walking in and heating up the small room with their body heat. I smiled as I looked into. His eyes closed as he leaned back and his seat and laid he head back in a closed eye movement before lifting his head back up and opening his eyes to look me over. 

Sam sighed as he locked eyes with me, “So are we just going to sit here and wait for you to die?” 

I shrugged, “I guess so. There’s no use in trying to find out who or what I’m chasing after.”

“And let Elizabeth win? Hell no.”

I twisted my head around as I looked into Dean’s eyes immediately. James stood behind him with his arms crossed as he looked down at me. I shot a look at Sam then back up at Dean. 

~

“So you really think that she’s in here?” Dean placed a finger to his lips silencing me for a moment before I turned back to Sam and gave him a confused look with a shrug. Sam did the same and we both turned back to Dean. 

Dean nodded and looked at me as he pointed through the bars. I looked through the bars. Elizabeth sat on the floor in some sort of trance levitating off of the ground. She was mumbling something that I couldn’t quite hear so I knew no one else was probably going to hear what she was saying. I had better hearing than the two of them since they had gone through about twenty years of gunshots going off in both of their ears. She was surrounded by red and black candles, all lit up. Her hair was moving around her face in a halo. Her eyes glowed a stunning white. 

Sam bent down and let out the softest sigh I had ever heard, “Do you hear what she’s saying?”

I shook my head to get some phantom hair out of my face and tilted my head to the side, focusing on her lips. I was only able to get a few words and I wasn’t even sure if those were right. I sighed as I moved a bit closer to get a better look. Husband. Arranged marriage. Helping. Don’t. Can’t. Won’t. Satan. Dark lord. She twister her body in a circle and thus the rest of the words were lost on me. I shook my head a little bit before turning back around.

Dean tossed a look at me and whispered, “Did you get anything?”

“Husband. Arranged marriage. Helping. Don’t. Can’t. Won’t. Satan. Dark lord.”

Sam looked me over, “Wasn’t that what Elizabeth was talking about with Levy? Saying that she wanted to marry Satan or something?”

Sam sat down on the ground, metal clanging under his ass. I shifted in my seat as I looked over at him. A thud alerted us to the fact that Elizabeth was here and noticed our prices. I shook my head as I shifted in my own seat and tired to get out of there as fast as I could without dying. I didn’t even stop to turn around and see if the others were following me. My body weaved throughout the building, tripping and falling on a piece of wood, it going right through my leg. I screamed out in pain as I ran away from the pain, using my bad foot to carry me out. 

Not once did I think about stopping as I looked around. We were on the second floor of the building and everywhere I turned there was no way to get out of here except the windows. My own body moved as I looked back. Elizabeth was floating down the hallway after me like some horror movie villain. I had enough time to figure out what was going to happen to me. I took one look at her as I shifted in my own spot and looked at the two locked staircases. 

Elizabeth raised her arms as she looked at me, “Killing you would give me the ultimate life!”

I took a few steps back as I shot a look at the window. I took my best sprint towards the already deliberated glass, “I better not get fucking tetanis.”


	25. Twenty Four

My body slammed into the ground as I looked around. My own eyes shifted around the grass. I smiled as the grass around me moved underneath me under the beautiful breeze. I took a few looks around in hopes that I wasn’t alone. But now I was here all alone. Sam and Dean weren’t even near me. I had no idea even how to contact them. I shifted in my own spot as I brought myself up to my feet. Blood oozed out of my wound as I shambled out of the obvious field that I was in towards civilization. Cows mooed in the distance. Someone was digging not to far away from me. I left a trail of blood as I looked around for any sort of people around me but there were not many buildings. I turned around and sighed as I looked over at a house that was further away from me but still closer than the other houses that I could see. 

I knocked on the door, hoping someone would answer me and was home. I shook my head as I didn’t hear anything for the first minute or so. Then I heard some footsteps and smiled to myself as a young man opened up the door to me and smiled at me. I giggled a little bit as he looked me over and let me into the house. He sat me down at the table and handed me some bread. 

“Where the hell did you come from?”

I was in the middle of Spain and yet there was someone who was speaking English. I didn’t know if he was speaking Spanish and I understood him perfectly. Or he was speaking perfect English. The man looked at me and tilted his head to the side as he awaited my own response. I poked at the bread as I put some butter on it as I tried to figure out a good answer. 

“That’s some classified information, don’t you think?” I finally answered and looked him straight in the eyes as he shot his eyes down to my legs.

He shot up and screamed as he looked me over. I screamed as well in shock more than anything before realizing what had happened to my legs. I looked over my still bleeding leg that now had a puddle underneath my leg. I shrugged and went back to eating the food. 

Are you aware how creepy you look right now? All calm, cool and collected with a wound that’s taking up most of your leg?

I mean, it can’t be that creepy looking Kurt. Also, hello. You’ve been gone awhile. Where have you been? Amy was the next to speak up as she pounded on my skull a little bit and shook her head, You are certainly one badass looking bitch, I’ll give you that but you can’t got around creeping people out like that dude. You’re all bald-headed and bleeding. 

I shrugged as I shifted in my seat more and finished my bread. I gave the man a bit of money and walked out of the house. The whole intent was getting help but instead I shambled my way out of the house and started towards the civilization. It was hot as all hell and no one seemed to want to pick me up from where I was walking. To be honest, I wouldn’t either. Kurt and Amy would be right. I probably looked like a fucking freak walking around as if I was some sort of random gang victim. I kept waling though. I needed to get to a hospital. 

~

“And what is your name?”

“Kurt.”

“Last name?”

“No last name,” The nurse gave me a look as if I was crazy before I answered once more. “I don’t have a last name sweetheart now are you going to start helping me or not?”

“Sit down sir,” The nurse gestured behind me and smiled a little bit at me as I looked behind me as well. 

“Do you not see the wood going through my leg and all the blood I lost,” I raised a hand to her face and gave her another look and raised my voice just a little bit. “I am as pale as a fucking ghost. I need to get into surgery now.”

The nurse nodded and got up, moving to the back and bringing out a doctor. The doctor waved me back and put me on a gurney. I was quickly prepped for surgery and let me lay back. I smiled at the doctor a little bit before I sat down in my spot and made sure that I was done. I leaned back as I looked into his eyes as they closed a little bit as I leaned into it and sighed as I allowed myself to fall asleep. 

~

I woke up what seemed like a few minutes later but I didn’t think it had been a few minutes. Sam and Dean were both around me with their hands on my shoulders. James stood in the corner once again and sighed as he looked me over. Dean smiled at me as I opened up my eyes a bit more as I looked into his eyes and sat down as I tried to get up from my own seat but couldn’t. My leg was wrapped up and in bandages with blood seeping through it. Though it all looked very dry now so I don’t think I was doing anything wrong. At least my body wasn’t doing anything wrong. I shifted more as I tried once more to get more comfortable in my seat but couldn’t. I just had to wait it out. I smiled at the others who had come to join me. I wanted to get up but once again, I was too stupid to realize that I couldn’t do that. I sighed a little bit as I waited for someone to say something. 

“You were pretty hard to find, only using a last name and all.” 

“Sorry about that. I didn’t mean to make you guys feel worried or anything.”

Dean and I moved in sync, shifted in our seats together. Sam chuckled a little bit as I tried to get a little bit more comfortable in my seat. I turned my attention to James who just shifted a little bit in his spot before walking over to me. He sat down in the chair next to me and took my hand in mine. I tried to get up but once again was stopped by the cast on my leg. I shifted in my own seat as I tried yo get up. The door to the bathroom flung open, revealing Cas as he walked into the room. 

“Hey Cas,” My voice was still a little bit more hoarse than normal. “Nice seeing you here.”

“I won’t be here for much longer. Have to get back to work,” Dean shifted in his seat as the words fell on his ears in a woosh, he was gone once more.

Dean looked down towards my wound and let his eyes trail up my legs then towards my eyes. I shifted in my own spot as I looked into his eyes. His eyes were fully of an emotion I couldn’t put my finger on. It was a combination of confusion, sadness and anger. A look he had given people before, but an emotion without a name. Dean groaned a little bit as he stood up and walked out of the room. He came back a few moments later with a nurse who only seemed to know Spanish. She babbled at me with her eyes drifting over me with a wave of confusion. 

Dean and I moved as he tried to move out of my bed. I tried to make sure I got up out of my seat. I shifted more as I tried to move on my own. My leg was stiff. I was given a pair of crutches to help walk with. My body moved stiffer as I tried to move my leg to a lot of pain. There was a huge bit of stiffness in my leg as I moved towards the door. Dean wrapped an arm around one of my crutches and pulled me back.

“You need to get dressed first,” Dean chuckled seemingly a little too happy to start flirting with me again. “Or are you going to walk out of here in a hospital gown?”

I yanked away from Dean and hobbled into the bathroom to pull on the tattered clothes onto my body. I sighed as I looked myself in the mirror. I looked fucking ugly. My eyes shifted to all of the bruises on my body and head. Of course, there are a lot uglier people in the world and I benefited from conventional mixed kid attractiveness but I didn’t feel handsome at all. My bald head looked bad on me but I guess I could grow my hair back with a bit more care. Maybe better food would help my hair grow a little bit better. My body moved to the side as I took a better look at myself. 

My back was full of carved in words. Ones I had gotten when I had been attacked multiple times by the same men in an attempt to kill me off but every time they seemed to be stopped off by someone who had decided to come save me. Sometimes it was a police officer but often times it was just a good samaritan who had just so happened to see what the hell was going on. Though I had never really asked for any help (you are talking to a man who was deeply suicidal at the time) but help always came in the form of a good person. The words ranged from faggot to tranny but were always carried some sort of malicious intent to them. My eyes shifted over to the baldness on my head.

“Fuck me,” I shifted a little bit in my seat as I finished putting on my clothes and walked out to face Dean and the others. 

Dean extended an arm to me but I ignored it and walked away from him, hobbling out of the room and down the stairs of the hospital into the real world without much problems. I shifted as I waited for other people in my group to get out. Even with a cast on I was a lot faster than my peers. I shifted in my spot as I moved out of the way of other people. Sam was the first one to come out of the hospital. Then James and finally Dean. Dean smiled at me as he moved down the street towards me but I just began hobbling away. 

Dean’s voice was far away from me but was seemingly catching up to me, “Yo, Noah what the hell if your problem?”

I didn’t even want to respond to him so I kept walking. Dean moved as he looked me over. I sighed as I moved in a direction that I didn’t even know where I was headed. I sighed a bit more as I moved towards wherever I wanted to go. I sighed as Sam caught up to me. He took my hand in his as we moved around the city in aimless movement. I had no idea how to speak the language here at all. I wished I did so I could ask people where the hell this bitch was but I couldn’t. I don’t think that anyone in here knew any Spanish. If they did we wouldn’t be wandering around. I sighed as Sam swung his hands in between us. 

Sam sighed as he looked me over, “You have to speak to Dean at some point. You do know that, right?”

“I don’t have to speak to him at all,” I shook my head. “He keeps going back and forth between hot and cold. I mean, what the fuck? He can’t keep going that to me. He can’t keep doing that to anyone.” 

Sam shook his head as he looked me over and sighed. The clacking of my crutches were the only things that was heard for awhile. I didn’t want to see Dean at all. Dean didn’t even cross my sight. I just had to keep a distance from him. I sighed a little bit as I looked into Sam’s eyes. I sighed as I leaned into him a bit and let me walk. I sighed as I looked into his eyes. Dean hung out behind us as did James. Neither of them seemed to wanted to see me. I shook my own head as I tried to move more on my own but the pain was searing as I walked down the street. 

A lot of people were yelling in Spanish at me. We walked for hours in the August heat. Sam eventually ended up getting us some street tacos so that we could at least eat. We ended up in the middle of a park and tried to get some rest. I shook my own head as I tried to get up from my spot to through I couldn’t get up. Sam grabbed my trash and got up and moved over to the other side of the park and threw away the trash. I sighed as I moved away from him I wanted to get up from the place I was in. I sighed as I moved to get out of my own seat. Sam came back and placed his hand on my shoulder. He smiled and kissed my temple. I sighed more as I soaked in the sun. I knew I was going to get sunburnt because we had no sunscreen and I got burnt even with sunscreen. 

“You have to speak to Dean and tell him why you might not be speaking to him. You might not even notice this but you’re doing something that might be damaging him as much as he has damaged you and I don’t know how you can’t see it.”

I sighed as I looked over at Dean, “Okay, okay, bring him over and leave us alone for a few minutes please.”

Sam nodded and went out of his way to get up and bring Dean over to me. I sighed a little bit as I moved to look into his eyes. Dean gave me a smile as I looked into his eyes before turning back to look out at the skyline. 

“Look Dean, you broke up with me and while you may feel like you’re owed some big explanation, I don’t really have to give it to you at all. I mean, you didn’t even give me any sort of explanation when you broke up from me. I don’t want to speak to you at all. If I had a heart and emotions I would say you broke them both in tandem. But guess what? I have neither Dean. So please, give me some reason to speak to you, otherwise I’ll have to sort out my ‘feelings’ on my own.”

Dean shook his head and looked into my eyes as he tried to force words out of his partially open mouth but it didn’t work. He closed his mouth as he shook his head. I looked down at my own hands and sighed as I moved away from him. I wanted to help him out but there was nothing I could do any more to help him out. Dean got up and moved over to the other side of the park away from the two of us. I sighed as he looked over his shoulder at me. I sighed as I looked into his eyes one more as well.

I sighed as I looked down at my own hands in the grass. I tilted my eyes down to the grass as I picked at it. Sam came over and placed his own hands. I sighed as some of the glass moved into my eyes with a slight breeze. I wish Dean would have been more communicative with me but that was Dean in a nutshell. He never really wanted me to do anything other than what he had revealed to us. Even for as long as I had known him he had only revealed bits and pieces about me. I sighed more as I leaned into Sam.

“Do you just want to wait it out here? Explore? Try and find her? What do you want to do?”

I looked over at Sam, “I think we have a few hours to kill, don’t we? We can wait it out for a bit and see if she comes to us like the others.”

“What does she actually look like,” Sam shot a look at me. “Just for a soft reference.”

I shrugged as I looked over at him, “Honestly? Like every other white hippie around this time.”

“Great point of reference,” Sam smiled sarcastically as he looked into my eyes. I smiled a little bit as I shifted more and tilted my head towards the sun. 

A few people walked up to me and looked me over. I assumed I looked pretty deformed by their standards. The two of us moved as we moved away from where I was going to be. I sighed as Sam handed me a pair of sunglasses. It wasn’t enough to cover the obvious bruising on my body but it was good enough. Fewer people looked at me and stopped to start at me. But one person came over and sat down next to me. She smiled as she did so and looked over me. 

“You look like a tourist and are in need of some help,” Her voice was a bit more stiff than what I had expected. I smiled over at her. 

“Maybe we are, maybe we aren’t.”

“You’re interesting to look at, you know that?”

I shook my head as I looked into his eyes and sighed as I shifted around in my seat. I wanted to move away from her but her soul…it pulled me towards me. I sighed as I moved away from her just and looked into her eyes. She seemed genuine in her words. She smiled at me with soft smiles as she looked me over. 

I shook my head as she looked me over, “Nope, not at all.” 

“I mean, you are really amazing. You look so badass with the shaved head. Not like those skinhead Nazis or whatever they are but you literally look really cool.”

I nodded as I leaned back and tired to not engage with her much more than what I really was. I shook my head as I leaned back in my seat. I sighed a little bit as I tried shifting away from her a little bit more. The woman smiled and got closer. I shifted away. Then she moved closer to me. I moved away a little bit more and I sighed as she moved closer to me.

“Sam, what the hell is happening,” I whispered and looked into Sam’s eyes as I moved into his lap.

“I think she’s trying to hit on you…in her own little way.”

I raised my own finger up a little bit and looked into his eyes. Sam smiled. Sam tilted his head to the side as I nodded and leaned forward towards Sam. I placed two hands on Sam’s cheeks and kissed him. Sam smiled into the kiss and smiled. He smiled as he leaned forward as I kissed him even more. I smiled as I looked into his eyes when I peeled away. The woman was completely taken aback as she leaned back in disbelief. I smiled as he looked me over. Even Dean looked on in shock as I smiled more and got up with no help whatsoever. 

I turned and looked down at Sam as the woman also stood up. I shifted in my spot as I tried to get away from the woman. Sam stood and helped me walk away from the woman. I smiled as I moved away from the woman. Dean followed me as he kept a trail on the woman. James did the same and smiled at me. The woman kept following the two of us until I finally turned around. 

I practically screamed at her as I waved my arms around, “Why the hell are you following us?”

“I thought you wanted to be friends and have a tour guide while you are here.”

“You don’t have to creepily stalk people here to try and get paid.” 

The woman swung back and forth on her feet, “I don’t need to get paid. I just do this for fun.”

“I don’t know what the hell you want to show us but I will give you one hour to show us the best places around us. No bus rides, no car rides and no alleyways or dark places.” 

Dean smiled a little bit as he crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked me over as I smiled at him. He seemed to approve of what I was doing. I smiled as I looked into his eyes. He tilted his head to the side. He moved closer to me and smiled at me. I shook my head as I tried to get away from him. I sighed more as the woman moved towards me moved away from the rest of us. 

~

The woman led us around for an hour that didn’t reveal much expect for a promise to send us around tomorrow night to see what the night life was like until we were dropped off at a seedy hotel and we settled in. We had all said we were jet legged from flying. Though we all knew we would never get back on any sort of plane again due to Dean’s fear of flying. But it was a good cover. She had paid for the hotel which was really good. Didn’t know why she did that though. We were grateful for the parts of the trip we didn’t have to spend any money on. I mean, the tour wasn’t as bad as I expected at all.

Sam and Dean went out to find some sort of food leaving me alone with James. James looked at me, his eyes moving up and down my body. I shifted under his gaze. He was the person I was meant to be with and he had just given up his grace for me. I shouldn’t be this uncomfortable around the man who had stayed with me all night. The soft gaze of his eyes stopped when he looked down at my hands which seemed to be the most bruised off them all.

I placed my hands underneath my ass as I looked into his eyes. James’ eyes shifted up back to me. He bit his lip as I looked into his eyes. His own eyes seemed to show a little bit of an apology as he shifted into my own body and looked in his eyes. I smiled as I moved closer to him. We inched closer to him. He inched closer to me as well until we were a few inches away from each other. Our noses touched lightly as I looked straight into his eyes. A smile appeared on the angel’s face as he looked into my eyes once more. 

“I want to run away with you, leave this life behind and have the life you always wanted.”

“James, Sam and Dean are my brothers. I can’t just leave them behind, leave this whole life behind. It’s all I’ve ever known besides the constant abuse from my mother.” 

“I don’t want to see you hurt ever again and this life…it’s so bad for you.”

“I know but here, my life has purpose. I never felt like it had purpose before I joined Sam and Cas on that first hunt and leading this hunt…it gave me a new sense of purpose. This is where I belong James.” 

“Noah, I love you so much. These have been the best few weeks I have ever had. Granted, I don’t remember much of my life.”

“I know this is a terrible life to choose but if I leave this life and go out into the world, I know I will be leaving a world behind that keeps people safe. I can’t leave this life for the fact that I will always be terrified about what happens in the dark.”

“But what about all that you dreamed of for yourself? The writing and the amazing jobs that you always wanted?”

“That can happen without me leaving this life. I already have enough hype around my writing and pen name that I can release them right now without much hassle. I can keep writing online and take a lot of classes online.”

“You really want to stay here and work from home instead of bettering your life?”

“I can better my life without leaving my brothers, the ones who saved me from the shitty life I wanted to leave.”

James looked at me, his eyes looking over my bracelet. I felt over his grace. “You can have it back if you want to leave me.”

“I don’t ever want to leave you, not in any lifetime. I don’t ever want to leave you. Even if I wanted to, which I don’t, I couldn’t because we’re soulmates. We are supposed to be together forever in whatever life form we take.”

“Are you going to leave me?” I looked at him as we sat in silence for a few moments. 

“No, never. I will never leave you ever. I will never leave you for as long as we live.” 

James lifted his head and looked me in the eyes. His eyes were still as gorgeous as the day I met him. The mix of bright green and sea ocean blue were the second pair of eyes I was able to look into fully. He placed a finger underneath my chin, lifting it up to place his lips on mine. I placed my hands around his neck and pulled him even closer to me. James smiled into the kiss, placing a hand on my hip and leaning us back onto the bed. I didn’t even try to fight back. I just let it happen to me. It felt more natural than anything I have ever done in my life. My arms drifted up over his shoulders and around his neck, pulling him closer to me. A smile appeared on my face as James pushed me down and wrapped his arms around me. 

I had no idea what I was even doing. I was kissing a man I had barely known. Half of the time we had spent together he had hated me. Now he was kissing me. It was more of a weirdly happy feeling rather than a feeling of terror or sadness. His hands moved from my cheeks down my neck and chest to my waist as he pulled me a bit closer and smiled as I looked into his eyes as I pulled back away from him. His smile turned into a soft frown as he looked me over. 

James sighed as he spoke again, “But we should leave this life…it’s no good for anyone and what I’ve seen…what I’ve done…it’s not going to get any better. It will never get better and all I’m going to do is get worse and worse and worse. Both of us are going to get worse and worse and worse. This is no life to live for anyone.”

“Monsters will come after me as soon as I leave the life. They would be able to tell when I am venerable. I would have to be on edge for the rest of my life, if I left this life. I mean, I’m on edge already but at least I know I have the Winchesters on my side to help me out.” 

I shot a look over at the door as the others coming in with some food. Dean smiled as he lifted up some McDonalds. I almost wanted to cry it looked so good. Even though it was Spanish McDonalds it looked largely the same. They had to carry burgers and fries at least. I mean, that was the whole point of McDonalds. I smiled and lifted myself out of the bed and looked at the bag of food Dean extended towards us. I smiled as I took the bag of food from him and sat down at the table provided to us by the hotel and began eating. 

Sam chuckled as I scarfed down some food, “So what were you two doing while we were gone? Fucking?” 

James blushed a little bit as he shot me a look then turned to look Sam over, “What? No!”

“What the hell Sam? Why would you think that?”

Sam laughed more as he turned away from me with a smile on his face. I giggled more so at his laugh than my own. I sighed as I turned back to James. He gave me a quivering smile as he turned away and went into the bathroom. I sighed more I turned to look at him. He was already gone and I was completely tired. I shifted in my spot and turned back to eating my own food. Sam opened up his own food and ate it almost immediately. I smiled as I finished up my food and through it away. Sam smiled at me as I looked into his eyes and put his own food trash away. 

I tried a little bit to lighten the air from the deep sadness that also filled the air, “How are you liking Spain so far?”

“I like it so far. Hate the language barrier between us but a lot of the locals know English so that’s good.”

I nodded as I moved around the room. James came out of the bathroom and went out to the balcony. I sighed as I shot him a look. Sam seemed to notice and placed a hand on my shoulder. I shifted in my place. I wanted to go after him. But I stayed in place as I looked into Sam’s eyes. Dean sat down at the table and looked me over as he bit into his own food. I looked over at him as he nodded his chin towards James. 

“Well what the hell is wrong with him?”

“I’ll go check,” I got out of my spot and moved out to James and wrapped an arm around him and whispered into his ear. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m okay,” James sighed a little bit as he looked into my eyes. I nodded as I shifted into his arms. 

He shifted a little bit at the movement as I looked into his eyes, “You sure about that, James?” 

“I think so…seeing you with Sam and Dean…I know what you mean when you say you don’t want to leave them. They really…they’re the family that I wish that I had.”

“You do have family,” I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and pulled him closer to me and kissed the top of his head. “You’ve got Sam, Dean, Cas and I. You’ve got people you don’t even know that are your family now.”

James tilted his head to the side as he looked at me, “What about the angels? The people like me?”

“We don’t really get to talk to your side of the family. They don’t tend to like us and we don’t really like them.” 

James nodded a little bit as he looked me over before he pulled me closer once more. I smiled over at the others in the room. James smiled as he looked over his shoulder as well. The two of us smiled at each other as I looked over at him. He smiled back at me and rubbed me over as some insecurity washed over me. I looked into his eyes and tilted my head to the side as I looked at him. He seemed to want a lot more than what I could give him. Though he didn’t know any better. He didn’t know other humans. He only knew of what we had shown him. 

He wrapped his arms around me and smiled at me as he looked me over, rocking me back and forth. I gave him a kiss on the cheek as he looked into my eyes. I smiled as he did so. He held me closer to him as he walked me back into the room. I smiled at him. He smiled at me as he made me walk into the room. Dean shifted as he looked the two of us over. He gave me a smile as he peeled me away from James. I sighed as I did so and looked over at Dean.

“Little bit of information we just found out. So uh…the woman who picked us up apparently was the woman we were looking for. We kind of just let our own target go.”

My back stiffed almost immediately as I looked into Dean’s eyes. Dean nodded slowly as he looked back into my eyes. I moved into the hotel room more as I looked into his eyes still as I moved down to the edge of the bed and shifted into my own seat and looked into his eyes. I sighed as I looked into Sam’s eyes. Sam sighed a little bit as he moved into the seat. I sighed as well and moved to sit next to me.

I nodded as I looked into James’ eyes. He moved over to look me in the eyes from the other side of the room. I sighed as I moved in my seat and sighed more as I looked over at Dean’s face. Dean was as he looked me over. I sighed more as I placed my hands in my head as I tried to figure out what the hell I was going to do. She was going to die in a traffic collision. Not a car accident but in a fucking traffic collision. I sighed more as I rubbed my temples. I had no idea what the hell to do now. I was going to have to figure out anything more now that I was going to do now. 

I lifted my head as I looked into Dean’s eyes, “Any way we can get her here? Keep her safe?”

He shrugged as he kept my eyes on me as he paced around the room. Dean placed his own body down on another bed and looked me over. I shifted in my seat to accommodate James on the bed. Dean smiled as he parted his lips but went back down to the bed and sighed a little bit as he turned back to me. I sighed as well, laying back on the bed and looking into his eyes. I gave him of a smile and looked into his eyes. 

“Maybe we can call her over,” I suggested as Dean looked at me and shrugged a little bit. “Or not. I guess I can always try to find her or is that just a dumb suggestion?”

“Sounds like a dumb suggestion Noah,” Sam offered up his own hands and looked into my eyes. 

Instead of saying anything more as I stood up and walked out of the room. I went out of the hotel with my eyes locking on the woman we had met today. The odds of us finding her here were next to nothing. The woman locked eyes with me as I reached out to her. She mirrored me as she looked into my eyes. She darted out into the street but a scream left my mouth as I did so. She didn’t even stop so I darted out into the street as well. 

A splat. The two of us rolling around. My body slammed into the ground. My bones cracked. A cracking neck. Stars in my eyes. My body rolled. Scratches. Bruises. More scars on my body. I ran my hands over my body as I looked into the woman laying next to me. My eyes darted around as I tried to figure out where the hell the death had gone. I was completely fine. My whole body had no aches in them. There was nothing wrong with me. I was fine. Well, I wasn’t dead at least. I looked over at Dean who’s eyes widened as I looked into his eyes. He lifted a hand and pointed over at the edge of the street. 

An old woman stood at the edge of the room. She had a wide, sinister smile on her face as she grew younger before my eyes. Her hair grew a bit darker. Her eyes became lighter. Her back straightened as I looked into her eyes. Elizabeth. I moved in my own seat as I moved in my seat as I tried crawling towards her. She laughed a little bit as she looked over her body then over to mine. I moved a little bit more as she dissipated before my eyes. 

A hand wrapped around my foot as I looked over my shoulder. James peeled me back as I looked into my eyes and wrapped me up in his arms. I huffed and heaved as I looked into his eyes. Dean shifted a little bit as we looked down at the mangled body of Cecilia. I did a quick prayer for her even though I wasn’t much of the religious type and I moved more towards her but James kept me back. I sighed more as I looked into. His eyes as he wrapped my arms around my body almost forcefully. I sighed as I tried to peel myself away from the sight. James sighed a little bit into my ear. 

“Cas was teaching me how to do this, I hope I can get it right,” James whispered as he tightened his grip around me. “I can’t do years yet but it seems like I can do days and months pretty well.”

I nodded as I looked into his eyes a little bit. Dean and Sam placed their own hands on my body as I shifted in James’ arms. He gripped us a little bit tighter as he tired powering himself up. I moved a bit closer to him and sighed a little bit as the cold whooshing of air encapsulated my body as I looked into his eyes. He gave me a slight smile as he tried more but we eventually got out of there.


	26. Twenty Five

My own body shifted as I looked around and tried to figure out where the hell I was and what the hell I was doing. I sighed as I looked up into James’ eyes. I moved in my own spot as I looked around us. I shivered as my own eyes landed on some of the words around me. It was about thirty years after this certain event but I was still scared of what this place meant. It was a little too close to home for me. I had grown up in an area where there were a shitload of Jewish people in the area. Both orthodox or otherwise. So being in Germany was not the best place for me to be. My own eyes drifted over to the others as I looked down a little bit. 

“You don’t like this place, do you?” James asked as he looked me over a little bit. 

I shook my head as I tried to figure out how to get out of her. I sighed as I backed into the wall of a shop. All I wanted to do was get away. My whole body was tense and I wasn’t even Jewish. I needed to get away now that was here. I really needed to get out of here not that I noticed who the hell we were chasing. There were people who were still hated Jewish people. I hated them as much as I could but I didn’t actually think that I would want to punch a Nazi now that I was here. I jumped on my feet as I moved a little bit as I looked into James’ eyes. 

James moved as he leaned his he’d on my shoulder and frowned. I moved in my spot as I looked over at him. He shifted in his spot as I looked into Dean’s eyes as I moved over. I sighed more as I walked towards the other side of the street. James followed me. Dean moved along with me but Sam didn’t seem to follow. I turned away from moving over to the back and looked over to him. 

“So what the hell are we going to do? You don’t seem to want to do this particular death. Why don’t we leave this one all alone. Let Elizabeth have the one win then we can keep moving along and give her a false sense of security then we can start to try and kill her. I mean, we can make sure she actually doesn’t do anything more than what she’s doing now.”

“No, we saw her get a little bit younger. At least I did. I don’t want her to get more and more powerful now that she got that death. The only way that we can get her to die is to take away the fact that the deaths. I don’t want her getting anything more than what the he’ll she’s going right now. I need her to die. If we even so much as touch the nineties we can fuck with out own timeline. I don’t want either of you disappearing. I don’t want any of us to go away.” 

Dean nodded as he looked me over. As he shifted in his own seat as he looked me over. I sighed as I slid down on the wall I was leaning against with my head in my heads. I sighed more as tears came up to my eyes. James sat down on the street as well. I looked up at Dean and Sam as they slid down on the wall as well and we just sat there. Neither of us moved for us awhile. We got a few coins from people passing by. I tried to give them back to some people. But I didn’t even want to do anything now that I was here. I was trapped in fear. 

The people who were children of Nazis were bow grown adults raised on their parents racist rhetoric. Either they rejected this rhetoric and went their own way. They were able to see past this rhetoric. I applauded them in that. But there were people who were able to believe those rhetoric. I didn’t want to run into these people. I knew I would end up beating them up if I did. The second people were obviously the worst people I have ever met and they were honestly still existing generations after the collective trauma that happened to the Jewish people. I didn’t want to even look at one of those fucking Nazi sympathizers. 

I moved as I looked over at Sam. Sam sighed a little bit as I looked into his eyes. I didn’t want to get up right now. I really didn’t want to get up. I just wanted to sit here and wait for others to see what he’ll we were going to do. I hated it here and I wanted to leave and not leave at the same time. I sighed a little bit as I twisted myself out of my seat and looked over at the others. I didn’t want to get up and move but we had a mission to do. I didn’t want to do it but it had to be done now that I was here. I never wanted to leave home now that I thought about it. I was too fucking terrified to. I just wanted to go home.

Sam smiled at me and looked me over. I shifted as I looked over at him as the others stood up. Sometimes I just needed a good sit down but I guess I just needed it today. James stood up and looked me over. Then Dean stood up and did the same thing. I smiled at the other two as I moved forward. I led the charge out of there and I didn’t even want to do it but I had to now. I had to lead the charge and move forward for the sake of everyone else. Dean placed his hands on my shoulder with a sigh as he looked me over. 

I shifted my body away from Dean as I looked into his eyes. Dean moved away from me and sighed as he looked into my eyes once more as he looked me over. Dean placed his own body away from me as he looked me over. I sighed a little bit as I moved in my spot as I gave Sam a look. Dean shifted a little bit more as James wrapped his hand around me. Sam eyed me as I took his hand in mine, giving it a soft squeeze as I looked into his eyes. James smiled as he looked me over with a lustful gaze. It was as if he wanted to fuck me right then and there. 

“What the hell are we going to do right now,” James placed his chin on my shoulder and gave me a soft kiss on my neck. I stiffened up a bit and looked him into his eyes. “Do you really want to leave this death to Elizabeth?”

I shook my head more. I straightened up as I looked into Dean’s eyes. He carried an. Air of sadness around me. He looked into my eyes with some tears in his eyes. He didn’t seem to want to do this anymore. Broken down more than I had ever seen him. I stopped and pulled him over to the side away from the others. 

I lowered my voice a little bit as I looked into his tearful eyes, “Dean, do you know?”

“Do I know what? That you’re going to fucking kill yourself? That Cas is already trying to pull souls out of hell so that you can fucking die? That I can never really have a goodbye to you? Pulling the rug out from under me?”

At this point Dean began to break down. I lifted my head up to the sky as the clouds opened up. Perfect, just like a fucking movie, isn’t it? I wrapped my arms around Dean and held him close to me. He sobbed into my chest as I looked into his eyes when I pulled him back. Dean moved a little bit as he wiped his eyes. I shifted in my seat as I looked into his eyes. I moved as I looked at him, dusting him over. I sighed as I looked into his bloodshot eyes. 

“I don’t want to see someone I basically helped raise die before he even has a chance to see his twenty-fifth birthday!”

“But this is my decision. This is what I want so that I don’t hurt anyone else. Do you think seeing you die in front of my eyes was fun for me? Do you think that possibly seeing myself do that to someone one else would be fun for me?”

“You promised me. You fucking promised me that you wouldn’t do that. You promised me that you wouldn’t commit suicide and know you are.”

I placed a hand on his shoulder as I locked eyes with him, “It’s not technically suicide. One of you would be killing me.” 

“Suicide is just the act of intentionally killing oneself. You are still intentionally killing yourself via one of us!”

Dean teared up once more as he looked into my eyes. I teared up more as I looked into his eyes. We both sat there as we teared up more as I moved in my own spot. I sighed as I moved closer to him. Dean wrapped his arms around me as I locked eyes with him. Our bodies moved closer to each other as he held me closer. We gave each other a big hug as we looked into each others eyes as I pulled away from him. Dean kept his arms around me as I moved towards him once more and placed a kiss on his cheek. 

Dean shook his head as he looked me over and tried to justify himself. I didn’t even want to see him like this. I just wanted to keep him in his spot and make him feel better about this decision but it would all end up being in vain. I shifted in my seat as I looked into his eyes. He rubbed his arms against the wind as he shot me a look. I sighed as I wrapped an arm around him and kept my own arms around him. He sighed a little bit as I looked into his eyes. 

“I didn’t want to do this either but I know that it might be the best for others now that I’m more solid in this decision.”

Dean nodded a little bit as he looked me over once last time before heading off, “You’ll let me say goodbye, won’t you?”

“Of course, I may have a hell soul but I still have some semblance of emotion left. I mean, you guys taught me how to feel.” 

Dean gave me a soft smile as he looked me over as he sighed a little bit and headed out with me. Sam and James were at the corner of the block looking around. I sighed a little bit as I shifted in my spot and looked over at Dean. He moved in his spot as well as we moved towards the others. Both of them locked eyes with the two of us and sighed immediately. I smiled as I walked over to them. Sam wrapped his arms around me as I looked into his eyes. I kept my eyes down as I moved away from him. I shifted a little bit as I moved forward towards the others. 

“We were looking for you guys, we don’t want you out of our sights. We don’t want you dying without much anyone with you,” I nodded a little bit more as I shifted in my spot a little bit more and shook my head a little bit.

“Yeah, thanks,” I whispered a little bit as I moved closer to him as I lead the charge once more with my head down. I sighed a little bit as I shifted in my seat to get closer to him. 

Dean wrapped his arms around me, rocking me back and forth. I shifted a little bit more as I looked into his eyes. James growled a little bit as the two of us shifted in our seats. I just wanted to move a little bit more towards James as I looked into his eyes and moved a little bit closer to him. James wrapped his arm around me and smiled at me. I giggled a little bit as I walked down the street. I wanted to cry. I really wanted to cry. I had no idea what the hell was going on. I sighed a little bit more as I let some of the tears fall from my eyes. 

I didn’t want to die. Nor did I feel like I should. But I had to. I had to otherwise I would kill everyone I touched. Or live in fear of doing so. I wouldn’t want to kill someone on accident. I had intentionally murdered people before. I didn’t want to do it on accident. The guilt would be much worse all things considered. I would be walking on eggshells if I stayed alive. I mean, it would be a purgatory. 

Even when I was actively suicidal I didn’t want to die for the sake of dying. I wanted to ended the pain I was feeling. I needed it all to stop and now when it was going to stop, I was second guessing myself. Did I actually want to end it all now? Would I ever want to be dead? I didn’t want to die now. Maybe I did have lot ahead of me but I just couldn’t see it. I already went to college so that’s kind of already checked off. I hated it as much as the next creative who forces themselves through school. I hadn’t done YouTube or anything in film because I didn’t want to risk showing off where we were even with a VPN. I hadn’t posted on my writing yet because I was way too embarrassed to do so. I fucking hated sending those kinds of things out there. Too personal. 

I would need to find something to do if I meant I could live and save people at the same time. I could focus more on writing in forced solitude. I could always shift the VPN every few hours if I wanted to do YouTube. Maybe try and do something cool with all the knowledge I had about monsters. I could always see world as much as possible. I wanted to do more with my creativity. It had always been something I wanted to do but couldn’t do it for personal reasons. Maybe being alive would be the best for all of us. 

Dean would be happy that I would be alive. Sam and Cas wouldn’t have to do most of the brunt work. I would just be perfectly alive and scared of everything. I would be like fucking Rouge from X-Men, afraid to touch everyone incase I would kill someone. My own life would be able to sit next to no one. I would never be able to touch anyone ever again. But that would be okay if it meant keeping everyone else happy which would be good. 

“Come on, this guy has to be somewhere. But we’re in a city…where there are hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of people. How do these people even want to find me. Do they know about the pulling sensation? Do they even know why they’re coming to me,” I wondered practically aloud as the others turned to me and looked me over. “What?”

Sam shook his head lightly as he looked me over, “You say the weirdest shit, you know?”

I shrugged a little bit as I looked into his eyes before moving off once again. Dean sighed a little bit as he turned back around. He still had tears in his eyes. I shifted more towards him and tapped him on the shoulder. Dean turned around. He locked eyes with me and moved in his spot a little bit. I waved for him to lean down. As soon as he was close enough I lifted my lips up to his ear.

“Can you pray to Cas…I think I…I’m too afraid to die…” I whispered as Dean placed his hands on my waist. 

“Are you absolutely fucking sure about this? Because this could piss him the fuck off. It pisses me the fuck off because you are so willy nilly about your fucking decisions.”

I shrunk back as much as I could while locked in Dean’s hands, “Do you think wanting to save people was a fast decision? It’s been an active decision ever since I met you. I’ve been wanting to save people ever since I heard what you do. I thought maybe killing myself would do that. But I could always live in the bunker on the internet for the most part. I would be able to see more and more of the world from the internet. I could live in my bubble for the rest of eternity.”

I shifted in my seat as I moved closer to Dean. He let out an audible sigh into my ear as he tired to move away from me but I held him in place as well. Sam placed his hand on my shoulder and tried pulling me away. I smiled a little bit as I moved away from Dean. The two of us moved back as Dean looked down at the ground and opened his hands up to the sky. I sighed a little bit as I moved a bit closer to Sam with bated breath. The two of us moved away from Dean as he sighed a little bit. 

“Dean, you called?”

Dean sighed as he gestured over to me, “Mr. ‘I want to kill myself’ over here says he doesn’t actually want to die anymore.”

Cas almost lunged over at me and growled. I groaned a little bit as I tried to move a little bit away. Sam audibly gasped as he moved closer to me. I moved back a little bit as I shook my own head. I tried to move away from the others. Sam placed his own hand on my shoulder as he yanked me towards him. I shook my own head as I tired to figure out how to explain what the hell I was going to do. I wanted to run away. My legs felt like they were already moving. I needed to get away from them. I sighed a little bit as I shifted in my spot as I tried to move from the spot and situation I was in. 

“Good, I knew he would change his mind as soon as he made the decision. I didn’t even start the job. Just went out and checked on Samantha and the kids for a few days.”

“And how are they,” James asked as he looked over Dean’s shoulder and into Cas’ eyes. 

“Visibly aging. They aren’t taking to the new time as well as you would think. The kids are practically zygotes at this point and Samantha is almost dust and bones. I tried comforting them in their last days but I would assume they’re dead now.” 

I shifted as my air let out of my mouth as I looked into his eyes. Cas nodded a little bit as I backed up. They were as good as dead now. Dean placed a hand on my back as he looked me in the eyes. His eyes were still filled with tears as he looked into my eyes. I shifted a little bit more as Cas placed a hand on my shoulder. I wanted to get out of here even more. Break down and cry? Read? Throw myself off of a bridge? I shifted more into my spot a little bit more. 

“I never should have let them come with us. I never should of had let them even stay in the future, past, whatever it was to them.”

Tears spilled out of my eyes as I moved over to Dean. I shifted over to Cas as I placed my head on Dean’s shoulder. He looked me over and placed a hand over on my waist as I moved over to him a little bit more. We both looked into each others eyes as we moved closer to each other. I smiled as I looked into. His eyes moved over mine as I looked into Cas’ eyes. I shifted as I loved over to Sam and wrapped my arms around him. My own body moved closer to the men I had ever been in my life.

Dean and I moved closer to each other as I tried to calm myself down a little bit. I shifted on my feet, almost tripping as Cas yanked me forward towards him. He let out a soft sigh in my ear as he pulled me close to him, “Any other angel would have told you that you deserved to die as soon as you put out the order to kill you. They would have loved to put you in the ground. You are a threat more alive now than you have ever though. You’re lucky we all love you and trust you.”

My head shook in a nod as I looked into Cas’ eyes to make sure he was dead serious. He seemed to be giving me the look that showed me that he was. My own body moved closer and closer to the othersI tensed up as I looked over to Dean. He didn’t seem to have heard what Cas had said. Sam didn’t even seem to notice either. My own body moved out of the others. James smiled and wrapped his arms around me. I smiled a little bit when our eyes locked for that split second. Our little display drew the eyes of the others who were walking down the street. My own body moved away from him as I looked into his eyes.

A few people looked like they were going to beat me up. I had no idea what side of Germany we were even on. Every step we would take had to be even more cautious then ever until we figured out our side. I didn’t want that to be the case but it had to. I shifted in my own seat as we walked down the street once more. James kept his own hands near me. It wasn’t touching my hand but it was close enough. It seemed to be a little bit more conspicuous now that we had shown so much affection even for European standards. 

“Lay low on the affection maybe, guys. We don’t want to cause any more unnecessary attention to us. There might be sons and daughters of Nazis walking around who hold the same ideologies as their parents. They will go after us if they can,” I whispered to the others as they nodded in agreement. I smiled a little bit when they did agree before falling much more silent than I ever had and going into the background of the others. 

I turned my body to the others and tried to keep low. But it was proving much harder than I had thought. There were a few people following us in suits. Sunglasses were covering their faces as they weaved throughout the crowd. I moved a little bit as I shifted a little bit us into a store and looked into the eyes of the others who were with me. 

“Someone might be following us,” I whispered as I went into a booth. I looked into each of their eyes and moved into the booth a little bit more. “I want to see if they come in here.”

The three men walked into the restaurant and placed a hand on my shoulder and spoke with a thick German accent, “Come with us. Mr. Köllen wants an audience with you.”

This entire situation was off. He didn’t even have giant security guards. I mean, he had security guards. He was more than capable of doing this all by himself. I looked over at the others sharing a look of panic. Adrenaline went through my body as it froze in my spot. I looked over at Cas then at Dean. Both looked me over with a soft smile before a huge hand was on my shoulder. 

The man who tased to me yanked me up but my shoulder as I moved over with him. I moved with him not by much choice. Sam looked over to me and smiled nervously as I shifted in my own seat. Cas moved up with me and followed the men. I kept to my own peace. I didn’t even want to move with the men but I know of had to at this point. I shifted a little bit as I moved backwards with the men and tired to figure out what the hell to do. I couldn’t move my arms or legs at the moment. I shifted a little bit as Sam punched one of the men in the face, letting me go. I dropped down to my knees as I looked over to Dean as he punched one of the other men in the face. I kicked the man behind me in the shins. 

Cas picked me up and pulled me away from the men as I looked into his eyes. Cas leapt into action beating up the third man. But they were fighting back and very hard. Both James and I held each other as I moved back. A man was calling the police as I moved around a bit more. I looked into his eyes for a spilt second. He didn’t even have to speak before I turned with James’ hand in mine and ran. 

The wind rushed passed the two of us as we moved out of the restaurant and weaved through the crowd. I kept moving as James followed me as we both pounded against the street. James heaved behind me as I moved with him. I kept moving throughout the rooms as I looked behind me. One of the goons was following me. I jumped up over to the side. James was yanked to the side as I moved through the crowd once more. I shifted and moved a little bit more as I looked into James’ eyes for a little bit. My own eyes shifted in around as I turned back to face forward. 

The goon was still chasing us as I moved into another shop and hid behind a bookcase. He walked right passed us from what I could see and I let out a sigh of relief as I tried walking back out into the streets. James pulled me back and placed a kiss on my cheek. Just a split second of soft lips against my cheek then the sensation was gone. I turned to James as I looked over at the surprised owner and shifted in my spot, grabbing a book off of the shelves and brought it up to her, paying for it with broken German. 

“I speak English, you know,” The young shop owner smile. “But not many people like me speaking it here.”

“What side of Germany are we on,” The woman gave me a confused look as she shifted in her spot and handed me the book back.

My own chest heaved as I looked into her eyes and tried to stop the words coming out of her mouth but I didn’t want to stop her either, “East Germany, why?” 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” I groaned as I rubbed my head as I moved into James’ arms and shook my head before turning back to the woman who locked pretty fucking shocked to be honest. “Thank you for the information.”

I dragged James out of the building and looked around. We were all alone once more as I moved away from the room. I shifted a little bit as I looked around for Cas and the others. My own eyes didn’t see the others. James held me closer to him. I shifted under his gaze as I tried to move around. We couldn’t get too far away from him but we still had to find the man that we had come to find. So I moved a little bit and began moving more towards the crowd and letting us getting washed away with the others. 

James looked me over as he rubbed the small of my back, “Fuck me, we’re fucking screwed as fuck, aren’t we?”

“Yeah, yeah we are. We are more screwed now more than ever. We are legit all alone in East Germany, gay as fuck, one of us is fucking part black and we are completely far away from anyone who might be able to help.” 

James tilted his head and lowered his voice a little bit, “How the fuck did you know I was considering dating men?”

“I don’t know, maybe I just have a bit of a gaydar,” I shrugged and kept walking down the street. 

I shifted as I looked him over and tried to get somewhere safer. He gave my own hand of a squeeze before moving closer to me. He placed a hand on my shoulder. He pulled me closer to him. I shifted as I tried not to move away from him. The gazes of others didn’t make me feel the safest. But I didn’t know what the hell to do. I didn’t want to fucking move away from him. I was just as comfortable being with James as I was with everyone else. But it felt a lot different. 

With Dean I had always felt on edge. Whether it be with his temper and not knowing when he was going to snap next or with the fact that I was his first relationship out as bi. Either way, I couldn’t handle having him being here with me. It would be often that I did end up in relationships like that but I had the right mind as I looked back on them but Dean was one of the only ones I got out of while nothing still happened. 

Within my thinking I bumped into someone. A mountain of a man with long dark hair and more of a build than I had ever seen. I was almost thrown to the ground by the bumping. I shifted over but he moved with me. I shifted a little bit more as James held me. My body shifted as I looked over at the man. 

I finally raised my hands in defeat and looked over at the man, “What the hell do you want, dude?”

“Is your name Noah Hudson,” The man was visibly shaken. He held out a shaking hand as if he were afraid to touch me.

“Yeah, yeah it is,” I took his head and shook it happily. The man was still shaking but I didn’t know what the hell I was going to do. “What do you want?”

“My name is…it’s Helmut Köllen and I am going to die tonight, aren’t I?”

~

I set the man down on his bed, “So you know you’re going to die? Who the hell told you?”

“Some chick who called herself Stevie Nicks,” The man shrugged a little bit as he looked me over. “She told me you would be wandering the downtown area and that you two would get separated from the others.”

“Did she say if we would ever find them?”

Helmut nodded a little bit as I looked into his eyes, “Yes, you will once I…I die.” 

I shifted in my own seat as I moved a little bit closer to him. He looked pretty solum but content in the decision. I wanted to reach out and touch him. But his name and face were completely lost on me. He was a stranger in a sea of names. He was still someone I hadn’t seen before. His structure gave me a sense of unease as I got closer and closer to him. He seemed completely tired of having to run around. 

“We will try to make it as painless as possible…I hope. As long as we can keep Elizabeth away from you, yeah?”

“That witch?” He asked as he leaned forward a little bit. “The one you’ve been hunting?”

“We aren’t exactly hunting her. It seems more of a cat and mouse game where I have been suspiciously winning.” 

“Maybe she just wants to die right now,” Helmut shrugged as he moved closer to me and wrapped his arms around me in a hug that said more than what I had ever thought to do. 

The whole hug felt a lot more comforting than what I had also expected. It practically said ‘please don’t leave me all alone’ and ‘Mr. Stark, I don’t want to go’ as if he could get the reference which he probably wouldn’t. But now I was Tony Stark and Helmut was Peter Parker. I didn’t know this man but my heart strings tugged as I moved him closer into my chest. I shifted as I pulled him closer to me. I hated being here with him. James placed a hand on my shoulders. I smiled as I looked into his eyes when he pulled away from him. Helmut moved closer to me as he wrapped his arms around me once more.

James moved my shoulder and pulled me back. My eyes drifted to the other side of the apartment room towards the window that had something off about it. I turned to look out the window as Elizabeth floated almost ethereally just out of sigh of the room. I turned down and looked her over as I backed away from the window and grabbed Helmut’s hand and dragged him down stairs. I didn’t even consider how I was dragging this man down the stairs. 

He didn’t even move in any sort of hesitation. I moved a little bit more as I looked into his terrified eyes. I moved him into a closet. Helmut smiled a little bit as he looked into his eyes. I giggled a little bit as I moved him into the closet a little bit more. James moved a little bit more as he looked into my eyes. He was completely bug-eyes as he moved a little bit more. I shifted a lille bit. Helmut moved a little bit more as I tired to keep him silent. He was on the verge of tears as he looked straight into my eyes.

“Noooooooah! Nooooooooah! I know you’re here Nooooah,” Elizabeth’s voice was hauntingly eerie as it bounced off the walls of the walls, smoke moving down the hallway. I grabbed his hands once more and pulled Helmut down the hallway once more as I tried to move out of the room but couldn’t move. My feet were locked to the ground as I tried to move anymore. “There you are Noah. Can’t believe you tried to run away from me. You little shit.”

“Please,” Tears streamed out of my eyes as we all tried to move. James tried to pull us away with tears in his eyes as I tried to move a little bit more. “Please let us go.”

I locked eyes with James. He seemed to want to run away but he moved a little bit more as we both shifted. My feet let up as I looked into his eyes. He tugged on my feet and tired to get us both out. I wanted to move even more now. I really wanted to move as tears streamed out of my eyes. Helmut cried as well as I looked into his eyes. I shifted a little bit more and was released a little bit. 

“No, I can’t let you do that,” The smoke reached my throat as I locked eyes with James. He seemed to want to stay here with me as I moved over in my seat. I shifted a little bit more. “You have to die. You shall die here.”

I choked on the air around me and shifted in my seat. I looked over at Helmut as he sobbed. His face was red and his eyes were bloodshot. My eyes shifted over to James. James smiled a little bit more as he yanked on me as I moved closer to him. Tears left my eyes as Helmut choked on the air around us. James didn’t choke at all. Every breath Helmut took was exhaled through my mouth. I groaned as I took a breath only for it to be exhaled by Helmut.

“Come on Noah, come on. We have to leave. We have to leave now. Come on,” James cried a little bit as he looked me over. He yanked on me as I tried to get away. I shifted a little bit a bit more. “Come on baby. Come on, we have to leave. We have to leave. Come on baby. Come on baby.”

“I’m trying James. I really am trying. Can’t you see that I can’t even fucking move!”

Tears streamed down my face as we both choked and dropped to the ground. Our movements synched a little bit. Helmut was moving faster than me but only by a few milliseconds. I gripped my chest as Elizabeth moved closer to me. I shifted in my own seat as I looked into his eyes. James looked into my eyes as I moved closer to him and shifted a little bit more as Helmut hugged me. I shifted a little bit into his arms. I locked eyes with James once more as he reached out and touched me. We all held each other in relative silence as I looked over him. I gave James a kiss on the cheek as I pulled away from him and sighed a little bit more.

I kept my body upright for as long as I could before I turned over to look at Elizabeth. She floated in the air looking as young as the day I had met her. I reached down and grabbed my own angel blade from my pocket and handed it to James. James took the blade and locked eyes with me with just a soft look. I didn’t want to give him the blade but it was an option I was willing to give him. The two of us seemed to have an unspoken rule right now. James stood up and rushed towards Elizabeth. Elizabeth didn’t even seem to notice the bumrush before it was a little bit too late. 

James landed a few good hits on her, making her bleed just a little bit as I locked eyes with the bitch. She screamed out in pain and dropped to the ground. Both Helmut and I stood up, regaining some sort of strength. I rushed towards her and punched the woman in the face as I got the drop on her. James kept trying to stab her but she didn’t seem to go down so easily. I shifted a little bit closer and grabbed the blade from James and got Elizabeth in the eye. She screamed out in pain and blew up in white, completely disappearing from our eyes as I shifted back to Helmut. 

The two of us smiled a little bit at each other and hugged each other a little bit. The two of us smiled at each other as I pulled away from him. He coughed a little bit more as he dropped to his knees. I coughed a little bit as well as I locked eyes with James and moved closer to him. James hugged me closer and locked eyes with me as well. He held me close to his chest for as long as he could. I smiled as we looked into each others eyes. I tried moving a bit more and shifted a little bit in his arms. My weight was starting o become too much even for me. I locked eyes with him once more as I coughed. 

We both kept coughing and convulsing as I dropped to the ground. I didn’t even want to get up anymore. I didn’t have the strength to get up anymore. I shifted over and looked into James’ eyes and moved a little bit. We both moved as I crawled towards James and laid in his lap. James stroked my hair as I moved closer to him. Elizabeth cackled in the background as I tried to movecloser to him. She seemed to take joy in the fact that I was dying. I didn’t even want to move any more and tried to look into his eyes. James was already crying and into my chest as I looked into his eyes. I gave James one last look before I finally took a deep breath and feel into a relative sleep.


	27. Twenty Six

My eyes snapped open once more as I moved around in the hospital bed. My throat was completely crushed. My body had not recovered just yet. I hadn’t ever really recovered from any of my injuries. I shifted more as I tried to get up ant out of the room once more but James held out a hand and pushed me down. I didn’t want to get up any more know that I was here with James touching me. His eyes locked with mine as he touched me. I looked into his eyes. Dean came in and gave me a smile as I tried to move more but he kept me in place. I shifted only. I knew I hadn’t taken the death. We had both died there. We might have gotten Elizabeth down and out once more as we had seemed to kill her.

I shifted in my seat as I locked eyes with Dean. Dean shifted in his seat as he looked me over. I sighed more as I looked down at my own hands. I felt stupid leaving Dean then seemingly falling for James. But I didn’t want to fall for James. He was just there and I was falling for him as if I was some lovesick puppy. I was more so falling for someone who was there for me and not that I was falling for someone who was actually supposed to be there for me. James took my hand in his and kissed my knuckles a little bit as I looked over at Dean once more.

“We got her. She went up in some white glow or something. Like a fucking angel.”

Cas’ eyes widened as he crossed the room to look me over, “She went up like a what?” 

I lifted my own eyebrow as I looked into Cas’ eyes, “Like an angel, can’t you fucking hear me asshole?” 

Dean nodded a little bit as he locked eyes with Cas who shrugged a little bit and moved closer to me. I sighed as it seemed no one wanted to believe me. I wouldn’t believe me either but that’s how it went down. I was supposed to be the only one relaying this shit. I felt insane even truing to figure out this shit as I moved closer to James and sighed as I looked into his eyes. Dean huffed as I looked into his eyes. Dean got up and moved closer to the others. 

A nurse came in a few moments later within the deafening silence and went through the spiel. I had almost died once again. My body was a fucking wreak to be honest. It had always been and now my own deaths were catching up to me as I tried to catch my own breath. The nurse explained the medication to me as I tried to figure out what the hell was going on with me. I sighed ever so slightly as I moved out into the world and shifted so my legs were underneath me more. I tried to figure out what the hell I needed to do to get her to stop talking. 

“You really took a beating. I have no idea how the hell you’re still alive. Really. It is an honor to meet someone like you. You are such an inspiration to us all. No brain damage. Nothing besides the bruises that haven’t seemed to ease up. But some people seem to just bruise easily so that’s it really. Don’t forget your pain medication.” 

I nodded as I moved more. My body was bruised and with every movement I felt it as I looked into James’ eyes as he helped me up out of the bed and smiled at me. He held my hand softly in his as I tried to move a bit closer to him but couldn’t. I wasn’t in the position to get any closer to him. The hospital bed was way too constricting as I moved against some IVs. James moved a little bit closer to me and smiled at me as he wrapped a hand around my own. I smiled as the warmth of his hands gripped my own, much colder hands. 

“A fucking angel? There is no possible way that she could be an angel. She’s been a fucking witch the entire time we’ve been here and known about her.”

“Come on, she fucking glowed. I saw it as well. She really glowed white as she just disappeared. I mean, how could she do that other than what Noah said and that she was an angel?”

“I know about almost every angel, except for you James, and I would know is she was an angel.”

“If I slipped through the cracks then what are the chances that she slipped through the cracks as well?”

Cas paused as he looked me over then James looked me over, “That is very true, but I think she isn’t an angel until you can prove it to me. Did her wings burn into the ground?”

I shook my head with no response.

“Was there any sort of high pitched sound?”

Once again, I shook my head.

“Then how do you really know she was an angel?”

I shrugged as I looked deep into Cas’ eyes and tried to find more evidence of her being an angel but couldn’t. I really couldn’t but now I was here and completely tired. I laid my head back and tired to sleep a little bit. But I didn’t want to do so as I never wanted to fall asleep when I felt so tired. I could miss something a lot more important than sleep. Another attack from Elizabeth, perhaps another piece of information. I shifted in my spot trying to get a little bit more comfortable. Dean smiled a little bit as I looked into his eyes. I smiled as I moved closer to Cas. 

“Then she can’t be an angel…,” I whispered to myself as Cas nodded a little bit too stern for my liking. I shifted a little bit more as I locked eyes with James. James and I moved a little bit more as I tried to get more comfortable.

“Glad we got that fucking covered,” Cas sighed a little bit as I moved closer to him. “But we have to leave. The nurse already cleared you to go.”

I nodded a little bit more as I shot Dean a look. Dean stood and took my hand as he helped me up. James didn’t even seem to want to get up and help me. But I still got up and sighed more. Dean looked me over and gave me a smile as I looked into his eyes. I shifted as I moved closer to Dean and leaned into his body. James placed a hand on my back as I smiled more as he moved closer to me. I groaned as pain rushed through my body. Dean stopped as he moved closer to him. 

“Come on, you need some pain meds,” Dean set me back down and opened up some of the medicine looking through each of the names and each of the names on the paper of more common names that were on them. He handed the right medication to me and smiled as I looked into his eyes. Then he handed me some water in a small styrofoam cup.

“Thank you so much,” I smiled as I took the small white pull as I sat for a moment to let the medicine as I looked into James’ eyes. He smiled a little bit as I looked into his eyes once more. Dean smiled a little bit as well as he stood me up, wrapping an arm around my waist and ushering me into the bathroom. 

They shut the door closed behind me. I smiled a little bit as I walked out of he I shifted as the pain surged through my body. The medicine hadn’t even touched me yet. I was a little bit more closer to him. I groaned a little bit more as I shifted a little bit. Someone knocked on the door. My body jumped at the sound as I looked over at Noah. I shifted more as I sighed more. I washed my face slightly with just some cold water. Then I brushed my teeth with a cheap plastic toothbrush and smiled as I shifted in my seat. I didn’t even want to fall onto the ground. Keeping myself steady would be a lot harder know. I felt so much more unsteady now. I didn’t even want to consider getting onto some crutches. I shifted a little bit to get more into a comfortable position. 

I was a lot more unsteady as the cast had been taken off for some weird reason. Though I had forgotten I had even had it. Maybe because I didn’t even want to be in it and that I hadn’t noticed that I had no longer had it on. I guess that meant any pain in my leg meant I was pretty much okay. I didn’t even know what the hell they put it on for. But there still was the occasional burning in my leg from where I had seemingly broke it. A soft sigh left my mouth as I waddled back into the room. 

Dean smiled as I spun around. I smiled as I went over to the room. I went over to the bed and placed a hand on the medicine back. James nodded a little bit as I moved over to try and leave them here. I picked them up as I held them closer to my chest and smiled at him, forcing the smile. James gave me a similar fake smile back as I moved towards him. Dean smiled as I looked into his eyes after I stuck my tongue out at James. He chuckled as I moved out of the hospital room and out into the open. 

It was absolutely freezing outside. James wrapped a warm arm around me and smiled. I shifted closer to him. Dean groaned a little bit as I moved a little bit closer to James. Dean stopped, dropping to his knees in the snow. He smiled a little bit as he waited for us to stop. Then we stopped for a moment as we looked into his eyes. He brought out a heavy coat and smiled over at me. I giggled as he shivered. Sam also dropped down to his knees and gave me a look that told me to wait. I shifted a little bit in my seat as I moved closer to James. I wanted to wait and get my coat out until I was basically getting frostbite. I smiled over at Sam as he stood right back up and smiled at me. I smiled as we began walking down the street.

Dean brought me closer to him as he held my hand in his and attempted to get me closer to him as I tried to get warm with James. Dean smiled as I looked into eyes. Dean smiled as I looked into his eyes. We moved closer to him. Not just me but James as well. Dean smiled at me more as we walked into him. He shifted as I looked into his eyes. I smiled more as we slipped on some ice, barely getting our footing back and continuing to walk. 

The cold air whipped onto my face as I turned my back to the cold air. The air was completely cold, probably dropping the temperature by a few more degrees then necessary. Dean slowed his pace a little bit as he looked into my eyes. He tilted his head a little bit as he looked at me up and down. I shifted as the air around me got a little bit warmer.

“What the hell are you doing Noah,” Dean finally asked after awhile a little bit of looking me over. 

“Turn your back to the wind and you won’t get as cold. Clearly your dad never taught you that.”

“Well he was too busy hunting monsters to tell us anything more useful than-”

“Shoot first, ask questions later,” Sam and Dean finished in relative unison as calmly as if they were reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. 

I shook my head as Dean awkwardly turned around. He walked a few steps before smiling a little bit. He pulled the coat closer to his chest. We both smiled a little bit as we kept walking down the street. I shifted around and sighed a little bit as I looked into his eyes. He seemed so much happier without me near him as a boyfriend. I sighed a little bit more as I gripped onto his wrist. His smile dropped a little bit before lifting me up a little bit when his smile turned to happiness. The two of us kept our backs to the wind before we got to a hotel. 

“Just the five of you then,” The clerk asked as he looked us over. I nodded softly as he handed me some keys. He smiled a little bit more as he looked into my eyes.

I smiled a little bit as I looked into his eyes. I giggled a little bit as I moved into the rooms. I smiled a little bit as I handed some keys to Cas and Dean. Both of them as I looked me in the eyes as I smiled as Sam peeled off with Dean and Cas, creating the first Team Free Will. James and I took the other keys and went into the room. I set my body on the bed and sighed. Dean smiled a little bit as I looked into his eyes. I smiled a little bit and up at James. 

James looked over me a little too lustfully for an angel. He almost jumped onto me but didn’t. He just looked at me and got me a little bit wet. I sighed as I looked into his eyes once more. He smiled as I looked into his eyes. I shifted a little bit more as I dropped my eyes to the ground more as I looked over at one of the paintings on the wall. It was all too familiar to me. 

The painting, while a bit more abstract than what the actual place looked like, but I remembered that pond and that little dock. It wasn’t the one in Lake View but it was defiantly one I had seen somewhere before. I searched my brain for the picture before digging into my bag and bring out some pictures I had done over the summer between college breaks. It was something I did to keep my mind happy while I was doing math and writing that didn’t really fulfill me at all. I moved closer to the painting as I shuffled through some of the photos I had on my phone. 

James placed a hand on my shoulder, “What the hell are you looking for?”

“Dude,” I paused a little bit as I locked eyes with him for a split second as I moved towards the painting. “Tribe Twelve.”

“What the fuck dude,” James shifted as he looked me over as if I was fucking crazy. “Am I supposed to fucking know what that is?”

I brought out a photo of from when I had gone on my trip, a haunted as fuck tour of America where I took photos from haunted places all over America and had took these photos sometimes semi-illegally trespassing into the room. It had been a freeing experience as I walked into new places and ran away from the police. I was all alone in a souped up van for three months every for years driving from place to place. The van got hot and uncomfortable but it meant a lot to me. It had always been a apart of me as an idea for years before I went on the road trip. 

It had been completely fun for me. Every summer just going out on the road and having fun with it. I was having a lot of fun just breaking into places at night and running from police sirens until I went over the state lines for a new set of police sirens to turn on and chase after me. I was on a lot of wanted lists which almost got me expelled from school if I hadn’t changed my name for college and gave the police my dead name. At that time I had almost been completely androgynous so it wasn’t that hard to change my look a little bit and be completely done with that. 

Dean hadn’t really known about that. He had almost caught me a few times but I was careful to avoid his gaze. He would have killed me. But I hadn’t been in the same places as Dean as much as I thought I would. But that was mostly because I kept tabs on Dean with arrest warrants and such. Though I knew that Dean might have seen how many places I had been and how many times I had almost been caught by police. If he had ever heard about my escapades he hadn’t ever told me about it. Though I wouldn’t be mad if he did bring it up to me. It would be a fun ride to tell him about.

James wrapped his arms around me as I brought out the photo and lifted it up to the top of the picture and looked it over. I smiled as James cocked his head to the side. I smiled as I looked into the eyes of James as I walked back to the bed. I stood with my arms crossed for a few moments as I looked over my own photo then at the painting. James took a few steps back as well as he looked over the painting and photo as well. 

“I took that photo in 2016 and this was painted in what? Sometime before 1978? How did we somehow capture the exact same place. Even the exact same fucking angle!”

James shook his head a little bit as he looked me over as I shifted in my spot ever so slightly as I looked back over the photograph. I moved back towards the painting, taking the photo down and putting it back into its protective case before putting it back into the case. I smiled at James as I looked into his eyes as I moved over. His smile only seemed to grow wider with every single moment I looked into his eyes. 

“You are one amazing creature,” James smiled a little bit as he looked into my eyes once more. “You truly are Noah.”

I rolled my eyes a little bit as I moved into the part of the room where the bed was. I smiled as I sat down on the bed. James did the same and looked me over. His own hand touched my hand lightly. I shifted as he did so. He almost immediately pulled back but I didn’t need to do anything else. We both sat in pretty heavy silence for a bit. My own eyes looked over the room once more as I sighed a little bit as I moved away from him more as I looked up at the ceiling. I moved into the bathroom. I stripped down to nothing but my boxers and walked back out. 

James’ own eyes scanned me over as I looked into his eyes. He looked into my eyes once more as he shifted away from me. I took a deep breath as I moved back over to the bed. He couldn’t keep my eyes on my body. I shifted my own body away from James as I looked into his eyes. He shifted a little bit as he looked into my eyes. I smiled a little bit as I looked into his eyes and sat down next to him. 

“There’s nothing on my body that you have to be afraid of at all,” I whispered as I leaned down to pick up my own medicine box and pulled out my arthritis medication and testosterone. I went through the medical procedure, rubbing down my thigh with alcohol and placing the needles in one at a time, and shifted away from him as I looked into his eyes. “I’m just like you.”

“But you aren’t,” The words stung a little bit but I tried laughing it off as not to feel a little bit more awkward than necessary. “You’re made this way.” 

“I mean, kind of but I had always mentally been a man,” I shifted a little bit as I looked into his eyes as I shrugged it off. “But I guess it makes sense that I was made this way.” 

James shifted a little bit and laid down. I sighed as I turned on the TV and moved down to lay with him. Our arms and shoulders touched but that was about it. I shifted in my own spot as I turned away from him. James rolled over. His large arm went over my waist and pulled me closer. I groaned. James loosened his grip and looked me over. I sighed a little bit as I closed my eyes. My methotrexate always made me feel sleepy. I knew feeling all too well at this point But it made me feel good when I was trying to go to sleep. 

~

Someone knocked on the door as I stood and moved away from the bed to open up the door. I flung open the door with half closed, tired eyes, “What the hell do want?”

“We need to go,” Dean’s voice was gruff as my eyes shot open. Any sense of sleepiness left my body as I locked eyes with the man in the doorway. 

I almost screamed in Dean’s face in shock as I looked into his eyes, “What? Why? Is something wrong?” 

Dean pointed to my chest as I looked down at my own body. The mark of Elizabeth was on my body. I was completely marked. My own chest heaved as I moved closer to him and wrapped my arms around him. A sob left my mouth. A wet sob left my mouth as I moved into his chest. James stood up and moved closer to me. He placed his own hands on me as he looked into my eyes as he pulled me into his chest as well and looked me over. I sighed a little bit as I looked down at my hands and sighed a little bit. Dean placed a hand on my shoulder as well and looked me over. I shook as I moved closer to the two men in the room with me. I didn’t even want to move from my spot or why the hell I was crying so much about this. 

I only groaned as I shifted in my spot as I went over and slung by backpack over my shoulder. Dean stopped me at the door and looked me over. I sighed as I went over to change with the little clothing I had left in my bag before walking back over to Dean with a forced smile on my face. Dean smiled a little bit as he looked me over. I smiled at him a little bit more as he took my waist in his and let me go out of the room.

We all checked out in relative silence as I moved closer to James now more than ever. James wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. Dean groaned a little bit as he looked me over. I sighed as well as I pulled myself away from James and wrapped my own arms around Dean. He smiled as well with a cocky smile on his face as I looked into his eyes. I shifted as Dean wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. Much like how James had just did. I only shifted away when James shot me a look. 

“She could be on our tail at any moment right now. We can’t just have this be the only thing that I should be doing,” I shifted as I looked into Dean’s eyes. 

Dean nodded little bit as he looked me over, “We’ll be done soon as possible then we can leave here soon.”

I tapped my toes on the ground. I wanted to get out of here as soon as possible. I never wanted to be held in one place as I looked into James’ eyes. He seemed to notice my anxiousness almost immediately and wrapped an arm around me, bringing me outside. I smiled at him a little bit as I moved away from the others as the pressure was lifted off of my chest. 

James smiled a little bit as he wrapped his arms around me slightly freezing body, “You never told me what the hell you meant by Tribe Twelve.” 

“It’s this youtube channel I used to watch when I was into a lot of creepy stuff. It was kind of my edgy phase. Well…more like the second part to my edgy phase. But it was really good at the time. Got me back into film and photography so that was a plus. Not like I never really wanted to give up on it. But I did eventually for a while when a lot of shit went down in my life.”

James nodded ever so slightly as he kept his arms around me and rocked me back and forth, “You’ll have to show me when we get back.”

I nodded as I looked into his eyes as the others walked out into the street. Dean grabbed my hand, giving it a squeeze before moving back into my own body as I looked into his eyes. He walked over to a car, yanking on the door handle and getting in. He scrambled around for bit and pulled up some car keys. He smiled a little bit and moved closer to the other side, pushing open the doors and waving for us to get in. I smiled a little bit as I hopped in. Dean smiled as I slipped into the front seat. Sam, Cas and James squeezed into the back of the small as fuck station wagon. 

“Where is this man located?” Dean didn’t even wait for me to open my mouth before screaming at me. “Where! Is! He!”

I almost broke down into tears as I looked into his eyes, “I don’t know Dean! Just start fucking driving. We’ll bump into him eventually!”

James tensed in the back seat as he almost jumped onto Dean. Sam placed a hand on his chest and pushed him back. I shook my head a little bit as I shifted in my own seat. Sam placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder and pulled him back. We kept our hands together as I looked into his eyes. Dean shifted a little bit as he started the car. My own body went back as I tried to look out the window. 

Christmas lights were still hung up in the windows of some of the places near us. The lights were some of the only things that provided much light on the road. The snow someone down was too thick and wet for anyone to see much else outside of the window. But even then Dean was driving like a manic. He sped down the highway and tried to get to wherever I was supposed to be going. I shifted in my own spot as I looked down at my lap. 

The cabin was silent around me. The humming of the engine was far to much for me. It was tense and deep. Not completely silent but still tense and quiet nonetheless. We were completely silent all except for our breathing. I wanted to lean back and just fall asleep but that was too much. Dean would probably need me eventually. It was completely too much. My anxiety was through the roof and I didn’t even know how to deal with it best at the moment. I had nothing else to do but stay awake. 

“Turn off, right here,” I pointed to the exit and moved to the side of the car even more than what I had been doing. “This is where we should be going.”

Dean nodded and pulled off onto the exit. From there I was able to keep going. I kept relaying the information to Dean. He followed me more but resisted ever so slightly when some of the directions took us into some less than desirable places. But I kept pushing him to go further and further into the new places. My own chest heaved as I moved his to turn the wheel in the right direction. He smiled as I moved closer to him. 

Dean finally stopped at a crossroads. A man stood in the middle of it seemingly praying to some higher power. His palms were lifted to the sky and his face was full of snow. He was like a statue at this point. His body was completely blue. His eyes, wide open and bloodshot as if he hadn’t closed them in days. They had reminded me all too much of the eye I had lost to my own dumb decisions. I shifted as I tried to get out of the car. 

Dean held me back as he looked around in the snow. There were no figures from what I could see and that was enough cause for me to unbuckle my seatbelt and jump out of the car towards the man. I placed both of my hands on his biceps, his own body immediately turning pink under my hands. I moved closer to him and smiled a little bit as I looked into his eyes as much as I could before moving closer to him, placing my lips on his. 

My body went cold for a few seconds before warming right back up. I smiled a little bit as I got closer to him. I smiled a little bit as I moved away from the still shaken up man as I got even closer to him. I pulled him out of the snow and into the much warmer car. I sighed as I moved closer to the man as he set himself on my lap. I shifted closer to him as he looked into my eyes. His own jaw dropped into a scream. 

As soon as he had finished screaming his eyes went over to mine, he looked me over. Or at least as much as I could and as much as he could as well. His eyes were exactly the same as mine. I shifted as I looked him over. He moved closer to me as he looked me over more and tried to get me closer to him. The man placed both of his hands on my body. 

The man felt around me as I looked into his eyes, “I can’t see you at all. Who are you?”

“We are here to help you. You seemed to be out there for awhile,” My hands went over the little black spots on his skin. His wounds wouldn’t matter enough anyways since he was going to die soon anyhow. “You’re all frostbitten.”

The man nodded a little bit as his eyes darted around, much like my own right eye did as it was looking for something to give the eyes some sort of stimulation, “But why the hell can’t I see any of you!”

“It looks like you burst some nerves in your eyes but the ones that control all of your eyesight. Don’t worry about your sight though. You’re going to be dead in a few hours anyhow.”

“What,” His eyes bugged out for a few seconds as he moved in my lap, hands tightening on my shoulders. 

Kurt raised his voice in my ear, We’ve got a freak out in aisle four! Freakout in aisle four!

The voice was about to make me scream. It was always jarring after a few moments. I let my own voice sigh as I moved towards the man and hugged him close. I sighed a little bit as I moved even closer to him. Dean shot me a look as I stood him up and walked him out into the street. Dean tried to get out of the car but there was nothing he could do as I stepped us both out into the street. My own eyes moved towards the men in the car. I sighed a little bit as I looked into James’ eyes. His own body was halfway out of the room.

My own body stiffened as I moved closer to him. I smiled as I saw the headlights of a car coming near us. My own eyes locked on the Dean as I smiled a little bit. I didn’t even move a mules as the car got closer and closer to us at full speed. It didn’t see us in the snow storm. Just like I wanted it. He looked me over as the car slammed into my body. Or at least I thought it had slammed into my body. I felt no pain. I didn’t even feel it hit me let alone touch me. 

The two of us looked up behind us. James stood perfectly behind me with his wings spread. The black and gold wings were covered in angel writings, the real name for the writings were lost on my lips as I looked up to him. His eyes trailed over me as his wings moved back. The car behind him was destroyed, crushed under the eight of his wings. James stumbled forward a little bit as he locked eyes with me. I looked into his own eyes as well. 

His own eyes glowed but his body was bleeding. His breathing was labored. He touched my body as he collapsed to the ground. My own body dropped as I cradled him in my arms. James was still glowing fading in and out. No one moved other than that. We were all frozen in out spots as I tried to get My own body moved ever so slightly as the driver got out of the car. Cas got out of the car as well and rushed over to us. I got up and shifted more towards the man as I looked straight into his eyes as I moved to hold him closer to me. 

Silence as heavy as a sheet of fog. The air around us as thick as a sheet of metal and as hot as hell. Not a whisper. Not a word. Not a sentence to be spoken. Not a murmur to be heard. For their eyes were glazed with wonder. They were dazed and thunderstruck. And they all started at me, unmoving, until Cas whispered, “What the fuck was that?”


	28. Twenty Seven

I shifted as Cas touched my shoulder and brought us out of the snow cold. I shook my head as I shifted into his arms as I held James close to my chest. Dean smiled somberly at me as he placed a hand on my back. I sighed as Dean coughed a little bit more as he moved closer to me. His breathing was getting better but that was about it. James coughed and sputtered up some blood. Cas placed his own hand on the back of James’ head as he moved closer to me. James’ eyes got better as he coughed a little bit more.

“He should be a little bit better by now,” Cas sighed as he moved back and took note of our surroundings. “I brought as close as I could with some wiggle room for some sort of healing.”

Cas was more calm as he moved closer to me and James. James shifted and groaned. I shifted more as I looked into his eyes. His eyes were wide as he locked eyes with me. All I wanted to do was hold him close. That was all I wanted to do. I almost wanted to cry as I held him in my own arms. James groaned once more as he looked me over. 

James locked eyes with me as my own mouth opened up, “Why the hell would you do that?” 

James shook his head as he moved closer to me with his own eyes closed. Dean locked eyes with me. James shifted more as he held me a bit closer. I smiled as I looked into his eyes as I stoked his hair in mine. Dean moved closer to me and smiled a little bit. Cas began making a fire out of the wood that was dropped from the ceiling. I locked eyes with the angel as he started the fire almost instantaneously. I smiled as I shifted to accommodate James’ large body. My own body shifted as I moved closer to him and held him in my arms too close as he groaned. 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I shook my head a little bit to look into his eyes. “Didn’t mean to hurt you.”

James shook his head, “You’re okay man. It’s fine. We’re okay.”

I nodded as I looked into his eyes more as I brought him over to the fire. Sam left for some food. Dean decided to sleep. Cas stayed up to watch over James and I. I was still marked by Elizabeth. Even I wouldn’t even want to move from my spot if it weren’t for Cas watching over me. I couldn’t even move much to be honest. Cas smiled as I moved closer to him. I shook my head as I got closer to James as I held his head against my chest. Cas looked me straight in the eyes.

“He save you and he didn’t die. You were saved by an angel. An angel deemed you worthy enough to save. Granted he is a freshly turned angel whom we don’t even know what the hell he was for a long time and he didn’t even know who he was for awhile but that is something I don’t even want to think about right now. But I guess since an angel deemed you good enough to save we have to honor it now. All angels have to honor it now.”

“What the hell do you mean by ‘honor it’?”

“Honor the saving. We can’t really touch you much now then an angel has saved you.”

I took a deep breath as I locked eyes with the man in my arms. I sighed as I kept stroking his hair as I looked at his eyelids. The three of us sat in silence for a bit as I looked into Cas’ eyes. He moved closer to me as I tried to get a little bit warmer. The two of us as got closer to us as I looked down at my hands. I sighed a little bit as I moved more as I tried to get comfortable in my seat. James was crushing me from his own weight as he slept soundly as I locked eyes with him as he woke up and smiled at me. All I could do was shake my head as I moved closer to him. 

James looked me over as he looked me over, “I am so much sorer than I have ever been, what the hell is this feeling?” 

James shifted as I moved closer to him. He looked me over as I shifted in my seat to accommodate the new position James was in. Cas smiled as he looked me over a little bit as I moved closer to him. Cas looked down at James as James held his heart in his hand. Obviously not literally but more figuratively. 

“It’s called pain, James and you’re feeling it because you got hit with a car trying to save Noah when he really should have taken the death like he was supposed to.”

James shook his head as I looked into his eyes as he teared up as I got closer to him. James smiled through the tears as he got closer to me with tears pouring out of his eyes as he moved me closer. I looked down at my own hands on his chest as I sighed. Cas moved closer to me as he looked over James. He looked over James with caring eyes as he looked over the marks on his body.

Dean came back a few moments later and looked me over. I sighed as I got up a little bit, laying James down. Dean moved closer to mea he looked me over. I didn’t want to get up from James but I cared about food a little bit more than James as bad it sounded. I was read to scarf down whatever food was right in front of me. 

“I don’t want you to feel like you need to get food right now. You can go back to James. I have to cook the food anyways.”

I nodded as I went back to James as I got closer to him. I shifted a little bit as I got closer to James as he got up and wrapped his arms around me. He smiled a a little bit as he wrapped his body around me. We waited next to each other as Dean set up a makeshift grill. He moved closer to the three of this once he slapped some meat onto the grill. We didn’t really look at Dean as I sighed a little bit more. Dean looked me over a little bit more as Sam woke up from his own little seat. 

I sighed more as I got closer to him and sighed. Sam got up and got closer to me as I sighed. Sam smiled as I moved closer to me. Sam groaned a little bit as I got closer to him as well and tried to get comfy. The two of us looked into each others eyes as Dean got up as he moved closer to us. Dean stood up and walked over to the grill, getting the food off of it and put it on some paper plates before coming closer and smiling a little bit as he handed the food to us.

My own stomach grumbled as I got closer to him. Dean smiled as I moved closer to the food as well. I didn’t even want to move from my spot. I gripped James’ hands as he moved closer to him. James moved closer to me and smiled at him as I looked straight into his eyes. I pushed the food to him and sighed a little bit as he looked deep into his eyes. Dean cocked his head to the side as I placed the food right in front of James. James smiled as I moved into the small and destroyed bed that sat in the bed instead of eating.

~

The next morning I awoke to the smell of food being cooked once more but I didn’t even want to touch it. I just wanted to get this all over and done with, go home. It had been way too long since I’d been home. Though I didn’t want to end it all right now. I just needed to get through these last few people then I would be okay. I new I would be okay if I just got through the last few people. 

Dean was near the fire making some food. James as near me with some sleep in his eyes, snoring lightly as he was still asleep right in from me. Sam was asleep on the floor with snores coming out of his mouth as well. Cas was awake and moving around. I was clearly the third one awake. But that didn’t bother me much. It felt a lot more nice being the first one awake rather than being the last one awake for this time. I shifted a little bit in my spot as I moved closer to James and tried to fall back asleep. 

“I know you’re awake, Noah. Just get up and stop being lazy,” Dean shouted out towards me as he scraped up the food on the plate a little bit and sighed as I got up out of the creaky old bed. 

The two of us moved closer to each other and sized each other up as I got closer and closer to him. He shifted a little bit more as I looked into his eyes. I sighed a little bit more as I looked into his eyes. James snorted and my eyes immediately shot to the angel whose wings were curled near the spot where I had been just moments prior. Dean smiled as I broke eye contact with him and brought it back to him. James stood up as he looked over to me and sighed as he looked straight into my eyes. I moved a little bit as I got closer to him. I didn’t want to do anything now that I was here with him. I sighed as James got up and moved closer to me.

I shifted as I tried to keep my own happiness up but really it was hard to do. I sighed as I looked straight into James’ eyes as he wrapped his arms around me as I tried to get closer to him. Dean scowled a little bit more as I tried to move away from Dean to try to make sure I wasn’t going to get the heat from him.

James began moving me away from Dean, “Come on Noah, we should get you a little cleaned up a little bit.” 

I nodded as James moved me over to a bucket. James moved out of the room with the bucket into a hallway in which I had no idea where the hell he was going to and what the hell he was going to do. But who the hell cared when I was all alone with Dean as fearful as I was when I was living with my mom. It felt a little too real now that my fear was coming from a man instead of a woman now. Though I had always thought men were a lot more safe then women. 

Women seemed to be more of the threat when some of them had yelled insults at me saying that I was just a ‘rapist’ and that I was ‘no good scum’. It got tot the point where I hated them and never wanted to interact with them. I shifted a little bit more as I looked into Dean’s eyes before turning back to the others as I moved as I looked into his eyes for a split second before going back to looking down at my hands. The room was heavy once more as I looked into his eyes as I tried to calm myself more as James came back into the room. 

James set the large bucket down in front of me. I sighed a little bit as James squatted down in front of me a bit and tilted his head to the side as I moved closer to him. He ripped off his shirt as I move closer him as I ripped my own clothes off in an attempt to show him closer to him. I sighed as my body strained against my own wounds. James smiled as I looked right into his eyes then down to my bruises. I shifted a little bit as James dipped his shirt into the water before washing me up. 

I sighed as I looked down into my lap as I shifted a little bit more in my seat. Dean ate his food as did Cas. Sam woke up and moved closer to me as I looked into his eyes. Dean and I locked eyes as he moved over to look into his bag that was near us. Dean smiled a little bit more as I moved closer to him in an attempt to speak to him but no words came out of my mouth. I shifted more as I tried to speak to him even more. 

Both of us were more silent than I had ever seen us. Even when we were fighting we never really went this long without speaking to each other. It really hurt quite honestly not being able to speak to the one man who wanted nothing else but to keep me safe. I just wanted to speak to the bother I really wanted to have back. It made me feel a bit worse now that I was supposed to be doing this mission with some sort of backing from him and he was basically ignoring me because of some man I wanted to date more than him. 

Though I guess I never really wanted to date James. It was just more of a fucking feeling other than what now. James smiled a little bit as he looked me over. I only shifted in my seat every time James was near which was normal for me as I had some sort of anxiety disorder, though I had a deep assumption that I had either ADHD, ADD or was somewhere on the autism spectrum but it really could have just been anxiety. From the stories I heard from other people I had some of the people who had one (or more) of those I had suspected, some of the symptoms overlapped. 

“You should eat something before you waste away,” Dean chuckled a little bit as he looked me over, a bound leather book in his hands as he sauntered over to me. I shook my head a little bit as I looked down. “Don’t want you dying from something as stupid as that.”

James looked like he was going to yell at Dean but held his tongue. I shifted a little bit as I moved into the room. I shifted more as I moved closer to him as I tried to finish sitting still. James seemed closer to me. I shifted more as I moved closer to him. James smiled as I looked into his eyes as I moved closer to James. He placed his hands on my body to steady me as I moved closer to him. I smiled as he began patting me dry of all the blood seeping out of me.

The bleeding had never stoped. Not from when I had started noticing the cuts and bruises on my body. James sighed as I looked into his eyes. Dean moved a bit closer to the two of us. Our three bodies seemed to hover closer to each other. I didn’t even want to move. I didn’t even want to move from my spot as James’ white shirt was now stained in my blood. 

I didn’t want him to be doing this for me. I really didn’t want him to get any closer to me. If I lost James then I don’t think I would ever forgive myself. I shifted as I got closer to him to look his features over. This could be the last time I could see him ever. I was a little too sad to see as I had never wanted to even do something like that. I had never wanted him to do something like what he had already did. To get himself killed for saving me or someone else he might actually care about. Though, I wouldn’t put it past anyone in my life to do something like that. 

“What’s this guys name again? Or have you once again, stupidly not told us about that as well?”

I sighed as I moved in my seat a little bit as I moved closer to him, “Zenon De Fleur. Another traffic accident so if no one steps into save me again then I might be okay.”

James nodded solemnly as I looked into his eyes and moved away from him and tried to get more comfortable under his gaze but couldn’t get into his eyes as I tried to figure out what the hell to do. I sighed as I moved closer to him once more as I tired to get a little bit more comfortable. He sighed as I looked into his eyes more as I tired to get into my own seat. He stood and walked over to me and smiled at me. I sighed as I tried to move closer to him. 

“Then when the hell should moved a little bit more,” I shifted a little bit more as I got up out of my seat. James placed his arm around me and pulled me away from Dean as I tried to stand a little bit better now that I was here. Though I didn’t think that was going to give me much of a chance. 

I sighed more as I moved closer to him and he tried to get me closer and closer to him but we were both as close as I could to him. I sighed more as I moved away from him. I sighed more as I turned away and moved away from him and got away from James and moved away from him. I shivered against the cold as I got closer and closer to the outside. I sighed more as I moved closer to the door and tried to go outside but someone yanked me back.

Dean sighed as he placed a hand on my shoulder and moved closer to me as he put a jacket on me as I moved away from him. Our bodies moved as I got closer to him. We both moved slightly closer to each other. I touched his shoulder as I looked into his eyes. Dean placed his arms around me as he pulled me closer to him in an almost hug. I was completely hungry for it too. I didn’t resist him and the hug I was so starved for some kind of attention from him. I sighed as I moved closer to him as much as I could. 

A voice echoed across the halls and walls before the words even fell onto my ears, “What the hell are you two doing?”

“Sorry,” I pulled away from Dean and moved as far away from each other as I tried to look in another direction as I moved closer to him. I sighed a little bit as I put my head down. “Sorry. We’re going out right now. Nothing to see here.”

James walked down the stairs as he looked into my eyes. My eyes shifted over as I looked straight into his eyes before moving out of the building and out into the room. My eyes looked into his eyes once more as he looked into my eyes when we moved closer to each other. I sighed a little bit as the cold air hit me. I shifted in my own seat as I tried to figure out what the hell to do now that I was outside. Dean followed suit as I looked into his eyes. Then James came out a few seconds later. Sam and Cas came out a few minutes later then we all moved out into the streets as I looked out into the streets. 

I didn’t want to move from where I was since I didn’t want to do anything now that I was here. I sighed a little bit as I moved closer to him. He looked into my eyes as I tried to look for the man I was supposed to be looking at him. I moved closer to him as a soft sigh left my mouth so I could move down the street a bit better with a bit of warmth in my chest as I moved closer to James. 

James wrapped his arms around me as I tried to get closer to him as much as I could without getting into his body. I sighed as I moved closer and closer to him so that I could feel a little bit happier. I sighed as I looked into his eyes. He kept his arms wrapped around me as I looked back towards the downtown area. We were already pretty close to downtown already from the apartment building. It was a little bit better than whatever we had been staying in. I was feeling a lot better now that I was sitting here and feeling like a million bucks. Even though I was partially naked under the jacket I was wearing, I still felt like a million bucks. I sighed as I moved closer to the other side of the room. 

I sighed a little bit as I looked into Dean’s eyes. He looked pretty much happier now that he was here. But he was a lot more set in his ways as I looked down at my own hands. I sighed as I looked into his eyes. He seemed dead set on getting here. I shifted more as I sighed a little bit as I looked into his eyes. Dean smiled as he looked into my eyes. He still seemed to be dead set on helping me out so that we could all get out of here. I sighed as I looked into his eyes and moved into his body. 

Dean turned to me as he looked into my eyes a little bit more, “Come on, we have to find this guy so I can get out of here as fast as possible. Aren’t you sick of being stuck in the past?” 

I nodded as I looked into his eyes and it seemed as if her had already read my mind. I shifted more as I tried to figure out what the hell I was going to do if I ever saw the man I was here to see. If I would even see him. It had been pretty touch and go here. I sighed a little bit as I touched Dean’s hands as I moved closer to him. James didn’t even seem to want me to be so fucking close to Dean. I didn’t even want to be near Dean anyway. I sighed more as I tried to figure out what the hell to do now that I was more into the outside world than I had ever been. 

Dean snarled as he looked over at James as I tried to figure out as I sat down in a restaurant seat as I looked down at my hands. Dean sighed and sat down with me. I tried to look into his eyes. Dean smiled more as I moved to look into his eyes. We both moved closer to each other as I tried to figure what to do. I was tired of waling around. But it all meant way too much to me. James sat down with me as he looked me over a little bit as I looked down at my own hands. 

Neither of us seemed to want to move anymore. I was tired and I felt like I had been crying for hours. I sighed as I rubbed my eyes and locked eyes with the other angel who had joined us. Cas looked at me with hooded eyes as I moved closer to him. I sighed more as I looked into his eyes. He seemed tired as well. I didn’t even want to know what the hell was going on inside of his head. He was more of a monster than I had ever been and that was being nice to him.

Cas was a whole angel that seemed to make me look like an angel in comparison. He had killed more people than I had. Though I think my own count had gotten higher if you count the seventy people I had inadvertently killed on this mission. I shook my own head as I tried to figure out what his own count. He had defiantly killed more people than me. He had killed even some of his own angelic kind. I didn’t even want to get out of my own spot as we were both completely tired as we looked into each others eyes. It was a tired stand off of each other. 

I sighed a little bit as I got up as I walked into the streets once more and tried to figure out what the hell I was going to do with this kill. I didn’t even want to do what the hell we were going to I sighed as long as I could without making myself breathless. James wrapped his hands around my body as I looked into his eyes. I tried not to think about what the hell I was going to do when we got back to our time. He was probably going to leave me as soon as I didn’t leave the life for someone who was pretty much keeping myself in this life. I tried to keep my own breath up as I looked down at my own head down and tried not to think about it. 

I sighed once more as I stepped out into the street. I half expected to get hit with one of the cars whizzing past me but I didn’t. It wasn’t my time just yet. My arms wrapped around myself before finishing my cross across the street towards where my stomach was pulling me too. It was cold for March. Colder than I had expected but there was nothing more than what I had seen. I sighed a little bit more as I tired to warm myself up a little bit more. James wrapped his arms around me as I looked into his eyes.

~

Dean stopped and crossed his arms in front of his chest and sighed a little bit, “Okay, when the hell are we going to run into this little shit?”

I turned a little bit as I looked into his eyes. I didn’t even know how to respond. But I felt like snapping at him. I really wanted to snap at him. He had been a little shit lately. I shifted as I stopped to look Jim over a little bit. Dean shifted as he looked me over and seemed to challenge me a little bit more than what I had expected. I dropped my own eyes down to the ground as I broke the eye contact with him just enough to show him that I was no longer wanted to look into his eyes. I didn’t even want to bring my eyes back up to his. 

“I have no fucking clue Dean, it’s going to be a little bit of a complicated feeling, don’t you think?” 

Dean rolled his eyes as he moved closer to me and lifted his eyes up to the sky a little after he was completely done. I shifted as I looked straight into his eyes as I tried not to hit him in his cocky little face. Dean and I locked eyes for a moment before I moved back and looked down at my own hands. 

I shifted a little bit more as I tried to figure out what the hell I was going to do. I sighed more as I looked down at my hands. Dean wrapped his arms around him in an almost hug. I sighed more as Dean locked eyes with me one more as I looked down as I moved in my spot as I moved closer to him. Dean kept challenging me as he puffed up his own chest as he moved closer to me. 

“Whoa, you are not going to fight,” Sam pushed me back as I looked down at my hands. I sighed a little bit more as I didn’t even want to to go anything. I shifted to look into Sam’s face. “We’ve got better things to do than what you two are squabbling about.”

“I don’t fucking care about fighting with Dean at all but he wants to be a little shit and I don’t want to fight him. He’s just giving me eyes.”

“Because you decided that days after we broke it off that you would go for the angel we just met a few weeks ago.”

“Well I’m sorry that you think that someone treating me like a human being is apparently dating me.”

Dean sighed as he looked into my eyes as I moved away from him. Sam placed a large hand on my shoulder and moved me back into the group. The collar of my neck got me a little bit as I moved closer to him. I sighed a little bit but just stood there as I looked into Dean’s eyes. Dean cocked his head to the side as Dean didn’t even want me to look into my eyes. I shifted as I looked into his eyes and sighed more and tried to get the hell out of dodge. 

“You were supposed to be my human,” Dean chocked up a little bit as he looked into my eyes as I looked into his eyes. “We were going to have a good life and I fucked it all up because I couldn’t see how I would ever see how I could love someone who seemingly never wanted to lie like that to me. I mean, I know you didn’t lie to me but it felt like you had and I couldn’t seem to think about it ever. I thought you were human but as soon as I had found that out I didn’t even want to think about it at all. I just wanted to keep everything the way it had before and I can’t unsee you as the monster we have always hunted before.”

Dean rubbed his forehead as he looked down at the floor. I sighed a little bit as I looked into his eyes once he looked back up at me. James puffed up his own chest as he tried to look into my eyes. I sighed a little bit more as I didn’t even want to look at him. Though I didn’t really want to look at anyone right now. I just wanted to think about this alone. 

“Come on, we both know I’m the same person you have known for fifteen years! My soul doesn’t change that. I can still feel like a normal human being and I am still one of the people you helped me out when I was being abused. You helped me get into college and even helped pay for it. What parts of me do you not like other than my soul? What parts of me have changed since this revolution?”

Dean sighed as he tubbed his temples a little bit as I looked into his eyes. Dean stormed out into the street. I ran after him and grabbed his wrist. I flung him back onto the sidewalk and sighed. I looked down at my own rebroken leg. I tried to move it but I couldn’t do that. The pain searing through my leg was more than what I was used to feeling. Dean reached out but I couldn’t even feel myself moving. I tried to move but I was locked in my placed as well. 

My eyes darted around as I looked into the eyes of passers by. None of them seems to look into my eyes but that was it. I shifted a little bit more as I tried to figure out what the hell was going on. I tried to make sure I was being seen but no one but the others seemed to want to look at me other than the group who seemed to want to look at me. I shifted a little bit as I moved closer to the others just a little bit. 

Another man was trapped in the street with me. The two of locked eyes with each other. I shifted towards the man but was still locked eyes with each other. Our eyes kept locked before a breeze went over me as I looked over at him to the others. I sighed as Elizabeth looked me over. She floated over to the man. I sighed as she locked eyes with me once more. I tired to get out of my seat but that was nothing I could feel any more. My eyes shifted over to Dean who looked more as she looked into my eyes and moved closer to me. I sighed as I closer my eyes. 

Elizabeth looked a bit hardened. She was older now, looking like she was about seventy or eighty now. A few more deaths and she would have been completely done with what was going on. I smiled as I let my own eyes close. I didn’t care about her taking the death now when we were so close to be able to taking her out. I didn’t even feel like I was going to die, rather just go to sleep. I smiled to myself once more as I looked up as far as I could with my eyes closed. But the pain I felt was a lot worse than what I had ever felt before in my life. I slipped my eyes over to where the man was. Instead of one man there were now three. Three grown men in place of the one I had seen before. 

I didn’t have much time to process what I saw. A scream pierced the air. The veil around us seemed to be lifted as I moved closer to the others. Just enough to look into his eyes and mouth ‘I’m sorry’ to them. My eyes shifted back to the others. Dean seemed locked in place, as did James, in an eternal reaching out to us. But that was the last I saw before I closed my eyes once more.


	29. Twenty Eight

I wrapped my arms around Dean as I awoke from a deep sleep. My own eyes moved around as I tried to figure out where the hell I was. I shifted my own body away from him. Dean smiled at me as he looked me over. I didn’t even move as he wrapped an arm around me and moved me closer to him. I shifted in my own seat as I looked him over. Dean’s eyes were fill of sleep. He looked me over as I tried to figure out when and where we were, I yawned as I looked into his eyes and moved closer to him. I couldn’t even think about doing anything right now other than moving closer to Dean. All I wanted to do was to move closer to him and practically wanted to move away from him all at the same time. I didn’t know what to do but here he was closer to me than he had been in weeks. I sighed more as Dean woke up a little bit more as we both moved away from each other. 

“That was awkward,” I whispered a little bit as I looked around. I didn’t want to move away from him but we both did almost immediately. “Sorry about that.” 

Dean nodded a little bit as I moved away from him. I sighed a little bit as I got out of the bed. Dean did so as well as he looked me over. I couldn’t stop thinking about what the hell happened to those three men. Maybe that was Elizabeth taking the three deaths for herself to get better? Or did I take those three deaths? I stood up as I moved closer to the bathroom and looked into the mirror. 

I looked perfectly fine. I looked into my own eyes as much as I could without being able to see perfectly fine. I sighed as I looked into my eyes. I shifted a little bit as I moved away from the mirror with the confirmation that I looked down a little bit and walked into the room. My eyes moved around to get away from the two of them. I sighed as Dean got up and wrapped his arms around me. I sighed as I looked down at my hands. Dean smiled as he looked me over. Dean moved to the kitchen and smiled as the others got up from the seat and smiled a little bit. I did the same and moved closer to him. Whatever he had started making smelled amazing. I sighed a little bit as I moved closer. Sam and Cas were speaking in the kitchen. James was asleep on the floor with a blanket over him. I sighed a little bit as I moved closer to the table and sighed more as I tried to get out of her. I sighed a little bit as I sat down at the table. No one seemed to notice me at all but that didn’t seem at all like them. I tilted my head as I looked at Sam, “What the hell guys, are you just going to ignore me like that?” 

Sam rubbed his eyes as he looked at me, “We lost three whole times to that little bitch and we’re going to have to take some more people. We might have to go into the 90s.”

I shook my head, “No, we can’t do that. I won’t let us do that. It could mess up our own timeline by doing that.” 

Sam shrugged as I moved closer to him as Dean spoke when he turned back to the three of us, pointing inbetween the three of us, “We can not do that to any of us, don’t you agree?”

No one spoke so I finally spoke up and looked at Sam, “Don’t you agree, Samuel?”

Sam jumped back as he looked me over as he looked down as I tried to look intimidating but I guess the use of his full name was enough to scare him shitless and he was already shaking, “Yes, of course.”

I shifted as I looked down at my hands. Den nodded as he turned back to his food making and smiled as I tried to move a little bit more as I tried to him. I sighed as I tapped my toe on the ground more. Dean moved closer to me once he was all done I sighed as I moved closer to him and sighed more as I looked into his eyes. Dean smiled as I moved closer to him. Sam groaned.

“Can you two stop making love eyes at each other?”

I shot back and shifted my eyes back down to the little bit of paper on the table. A photo from a newspaper with the headline: ‘Zenon De Fleur killed in car accident’. There were two other headlines as well, ‘Jacob Miller killed in car accident’ and ‘D. Boon killed in car accident’. All were dated only a few months from each other but the poses in the pictures were all the same. Each of the men were reaching out to me. But I didn’t see them as I was reaching out to James and Dean who were just out of frame. A woman was floating about the bodies of the men. Her body giving off an ethereal glow. Many of the artifices claimed that she was an angel. But others called her an omen of death which was only slightly true. Only we knew what she truly was. 

Inside the papers were graphic images of our mangled bodies. My body was completely torn to shreds. Scrapes and bruises filled my body. More bruises were on my body as I seemed to have gotten from the crash. My nose was broken in three separate places. My arms had been broken every single way I could think of. So had my legs. My left leg had been completely broken off. The others showed the exact same wounds. Each one I had gotten were on them. Only there was one huge difference. These wounds were fatal. 

“Dean, how did people get my autopsy photos? They’ve never…because I hadn’t…why did I die for real this time Dean? Why the hell did I die for real this time Dean?”

Dean shook his head as I moved closer to him. Dean sighed as I moved closer to him. Sam moved closer to me as I looked into his eyes. I didn’t want to move closer to him as I looked down at the pages once more. I shifted in my seat more as I tired to I tried to figure out what the hell happened to me. This was the first time I had ever actually seen pictures of my death. I sighed more as I looked down at my own hands. I didn’t even want to see myself even more. 

I tried to move more as I looked down at my hands. I seemed to not want to move any more. I wanted to do more but I wasn’t about to look at my own body anymore. I pushed the papers away from me as I looked into his eyes. I sighed more as I tried to move away from the table. Dean sighed as he watched me walk over to the other side of the room. James woke up as well and looked down at my hands. A sigh left my mouth as I turned towards the mirror in the room. Dean sighed as I looked down at my hands. 

“I look so fucking weird,” I whispered to myself as I looked down at my hands. I was becoming more and more bruised and tired. More and more bruises had been on my body. I sighed more as I tired to get more comfortable. “All of these bruises and shit.”

“You don’t look that bad,” James looked into my eyes groggily as I looked down at my hands as I tried to move more. “It’s just a few bruises.”

I nodded as I moved away from the mirror. My own eyes dropped down to the ground. I sighed as I looked down more as I moved around the hotel room with my body moving closer to Dean. The look of sorrow he gave me hadn’t left my mind. All I could think of was that look. Him and James’ looks were both full of sorrow when I died. James kept the look on his face as I looked down at my hands. I sighed a little bit more as I sat down at the table once more. 

“Come on, I look a lot worse for wear now that I had died a shit load of times. I look like I fucking died.”

James nodded as I looked down at my own hands, “So what the hell do we do now?”

I looked into James’ eyes as I moved closer to him as I looked into his eyes. Dean sighed more as he moved closer to me. He brought some food to all of us. I shifted more as I moved to the food. Dean sighed more as he sat down at the table as I moved closer to him as well. Dean smiled as he moved closer to me. I sighed more as I moved towards him. I sat down as I tried to eat my food. I sighed more as I moved closer to him. Dean smiled a little bit as he dug into his food.

Dean and I smiled more as I looked down at the food. Dean smiled a little bit more as I looked down at my hands. I tried to get some food into my stomach. I shifted as I looked down at my hands. Dean ate up more of his food. I shifted more as I ate some of my food. It was good. Dean always made some good food. It made me feel as I tried to get more food into my tired stomach. I tried more as I tried to get more and more food into my stomach. I sighed more as the food filled my stomach. 

Dean and I tried to get the food off our plates as fast as I could. I sighed a little bit more as my stomach filled up. It felt more as I looked down at my hands. I moved closer to Dean as I looked down at my hands. All I wanted to do was move but my body hurt. My whole body ached as I moved closer to him. I sighed as I shifted my body closer to him, tearing up as pain shot through my body. Dean went around the table and wrapped his arms around me. I shifted more as I tried to get through the pain all through me. 

Dean moved as he held my back, barely even touching my own back with his fingertips barely even touching my back. All James did was give me a look with his eyes landing on me. I shifted a little bit more as I tried to sit back down but I didn’t even want to. My tailbone fucking ached like a motherfucker as if I was sitting for the SAT again. It felt like I was sitting on my ass for hours on end when I really was only sitting on my ass for about ten minutes. I sighed more as I looked into Dean’s eyes.

“Thanks,” I grumbled as I moved back over to the bed and sat on my ass for a bit more. “I can do most things by myself now.”

Dean moved more as I tried to sit down on my ass but every time I moved my ass ached more than what I had thought it would. I really had my ass handed to me. But it all felt a little too real for me, having been beaten down a lot more than I thought. I shifted more in my seat as I tried to get more comfortable. I shifted only more as I tired to figure out what else I was going to do. Dean placed a hand on my back as he looked me over.

“Dude, you are one person away from dying,” Sam chuckled as he looked me over. “How many nurses have we heard say that you were better off dead? That you should’ve died from your injuries?”

At least ten nurses and a doctor from what I’ve seen but I could be wrong.

“At least ten nurses and a doctor,” I repeated with Dean’s own eyes lifting up to look at me. “From what Kurt told me, I’m not a psychic.” Sam chuckled slightly as he looked into my eyes as he shook his head a little bit, “I could’ve told you that.”

“Well of course, but there’s no way we can do that at all. I really would have known if you were a psychic. I mean, the whole thing would be absurd if we found another one. I mean everyone else who was one was practically kil-”

“Yes, killed, I know that much.”

“Well, Sam could’ve missed one for everyone’s sake,” I smiled more as I looked into his eyes. Dean shifted in his seat as he turned to look at me, giving me a smirk as he chewed on some bacon.

“Awe come on, we can’t have you doing that,” I shifted as I moved closer to him. Dean and I moved way closer to each other as we locked eyes.

James held up a hand to stop the both of us from talking any more than what the hell we were talking about, “Okay, who the hell are we looking for right now?” 

“By my count, Alexander Bashlachev,” I crossed my arms in front of my chest as I looked over at James. 

Dean let out a snort, “He sounds like someone just placed their face on a keyboard and rolled around on it.”

I let out a laugh more as I looked into his eyes. His name really did sound like a keysmash but I wasn’t about to let someone else know that. I giggled as I moved closer to him. I smiled more as I looked into his eyes. Dean smiled a little bit more as I turned to him and let out the loudest laugh I had ever given. Sam broke out into his own little laugh as James burst out into a laugh as well. James was the only one let who wasn’t laughing. I sighed more as I looked into his eyes. 

I turned back as I looked into his eyes but he didn’t seem to want to laugh about it at all. James didn’t let out a snicker as I looked into his eyes. Dean smiled as he patted his friend on the back. James didn’t even crack a bit of a smile. All I wanted to do was make him laugh. But he didn’t at all. He was too busy in his own thoughts to even think about doing that. 

“Come on James, it’s kind of funny,” I let my laugh die out as I looked the man over with a smile.

“I’m not laughing because I don’t find it funny,” James shrugged as he looked me over. 

I just shrugged and let it go. From that I was completely fine from that. I sighed as I sat down as I looked over at Dean. He smiled as I sat down at the table. James smiled more as I looked into his eyes. Dean and I sighed as I tried to closer to him but the table was still inbetween us. I got up as I looked down at my hands and tried to figure out what we needed to do with the man I was supposedly going to going after. 

“So, we have to find the keysmash guy and we are in the middle of Russia, in winter! We are doing the one thing my history teacher told me not to do.”

Sam chuckled a little bit as I looked into his eyes, “And what was that, Noah?” 

“‘Don’t invade Russia in winter’. Though I don’t think we are really ‘invading’ Russia right now. Just hunting down some little asshat who fell from a great height with possible intentions of suicide.”

Dean shook his head and locked eyes with me and moved closer to me, “Do you really think that some man really threw himself off of a great height without even considering suicide, don’t you think?”

“Or he was pushed and it was murder and not suicide,” Sam pointed out as he looked into my eyes. 

“Possible, but there would be too many people to go through, don’t you think?”

“We have to try, we might as well see what the hell is going on, don’t you think.”

~

I sat down on the couch and leaned forward, “And how do you now Alexander?” 

“Security guard,” The man spoke with a heavy Russian accent as he shot me a look. I wrapped my arms around me as I moved closer to him, leaning forward to look into his eyes. He was thick, muscle wise as he looked into my eyes with nothing but toughness. He was huger than I had expected with some gang tattoos on him. At least I assumed they were gang tattoos, I couldn’t read the Russian on them. “Why the hell do police not know this?”

“We’re from America, investigating a string of murders the press have dubbed the 27 Club and your friend is the right age to be targeted by the murderer, the serial killer, and we don’t want him getting hurt, now do we?”

The man leaned back as he took in a sharp breath, “Yeah, we wouldn’t want that to happen. Now what do some American cops want with some Russian guy?”

“You heard me, he might get killed by a murderer who’s on the loose,” I shot a look at him as I looked down at my hands, trying to keep my calm. “So do you want our help or not?”

“I do, but I want to ask some questions first. How do you know my man is next on the list?”

“Call it gut instinct though we were going to have to check out every celebrity who is twenty-seven right now. We’re all over the place checking it out. The countries we are looking into are completely good for it. We are all working on the safety of others. So I want to be able to trust you and work with you.”

The guard nodded as he crossed his hands in front of him, “So the Americans want to work with the Russians so soon, now do they?”

“I don’t know why, I’m just a simple government worker. I don’t know what the real relations are between our countries right now but I’d rather get to the bottom of this case.”

“The name is Odin,” The man jutted out a hand and looked into my eyes. “And what is your name?”

“Noah Winchester. These are my brothers Sam and Dean,” I gestured to the others as I then pointed to James. “This is James Winchester, our cousin.”

“A family that works together, stays together,” Dean smiled a little bit as I looked into his eyes.

Odin crossed his arms in front of his chest as he looked me over, up and down once before moving over to the others, “Forms close bonds, doesn’t it?” 

“Yes and I think you would want the Winchesters on the case rather than some people who don’t even know each other.”

Odin nodded as he looked into my eyes. I smiled a little bit as I moved closer to him as I looked into his eyes as well and moved closer to him as Dean pulled me back to him. I shifted as I looked into his eyes. Dean stood up as I looked into his eyes once more as I moved up as well. I shifted as I turned away from the man.

“Thank you for your time, sir,” I smiled at the man. “We will be back much later. We need to talk to some other people right now but we will be back soon enough to protect Alexander.”

The man nodded as we walked out of the room. Dean followed me closer behind me than he had ever had before. I moved closer to him and bumped into his shoulder. He smiled at me as I looked into his eyes. Dean smiled more as he looked into my eyes. I sighed more as James shot me a glare. I pulled away from Dean and took a few large steps away from him. 

“Stop tailgating me Dean, get some personal space lessons,” I deadpanned as I looked into his eyes. Dean let out a huge sigh as he looked into my eyes. I sighed a little bit as James caught up to me. “Maybe I should punch you to teach you the same lesson.”

~

I turned back to Odin and inspected him more. His huge beard and warm looking clothes, even inside a warm house, made me suspicious. I turned back to him and smiled at him. He seemed to not know that we knew. The Winchester name still didn’t strike fear into his heart just yet. I shifted a little bit more as I locked eyes with him. The two of us moved in circles around each other. 

“We must think we’re stupid to not think you’re actually the god of all gods to the Norse people back in the day, right?”

The man stood up and walked over to me, placing a hand on my shoulder, hand sizzling on my bare skin. He didn’t even tank back. It was like his hands were made of solid ice. But they were beginning to melt and adhere to my skin like melting plastic. Odin looked me over and opened his eyes a little bit more to look me in the eyes. He shifted back as I locked eyes with him. 

“Where are my children,” Odin shot me a look as he held his stump of a hand in his other hand. “Where are my children?”

“Which ones? Thought you all died out millennia ago when people stopped believing in you. Though I think you’re making a comeback with some edgy teens who want to make sacrifices to you and whomever read some Marvel comics, aren’t you? People are starting to believe again but you aren’t back your full power yet, aren’t you?”

“Hel, Loki and Thor! Where are they,” Tears filled the god’s eyes as he got closer to me. “Where are they?”

“Looking for me in hell as they are under my command now,” I shot back at him as I looked straight into his eyes. “They are my children now.”

“Oh come on, give me my children back,” Odin teared up even more as he looked into my eyes. 

“Fine,” I dropped to my knees and placed my hands on the ground. My hands vibrated so fast that the ground was set aflame underneath me. “Codwch, my children. Rise!”

My body drained as my eyes closed a little bit. My eyes closed as I looked into his eyes. The flames split up into three groups as the children arose from their places. Thor was the first one to completely be done with his resurrection. Then Loki and finally Hel. I sighed as I collapsed onto the ground. He looked me over and smiled more as I tried to stay awake long enough to see Odin’s reaction. He smiled at the three children. 

Tears spilled on out of his eyes as he looked me at me a little bit closer. I smiled as I looked into his eyes and smiled a bit more as I tried to make sure I was completely okay. I lifted into his eyes. I lifted myself up as I tried to get a little bit more comfortable. I was more weak than usual. I smiled as I waddled over to my children. I sighed as I held my cramping side. 

Thor teared up as he looked at his father. Loki looked at Odin with some pretty heated eyes. Hel had her arms crossed as she turned back to me before being pilled into a soul crushing hug. All I did was smile a bit as I looked into his eyes. Dean moved a little bit closer to me as he tried to hold me back from the little family reunion going on. Though I didn’t mind it all that much. I loved it a lot more than what I thought before. 

I shifted as I moved back from the reunion, “Come on, we’ve got a case to work. We got you your children but they respond to me now they’ve gotten themselves into hell.” 

Odin nodded as I looked into his eyes once more as he pulled back from his children. I sighed more as I tried to get even more comfortable in my seat. Dean smiled as Odin set himself back at me. We walked back into the room as I tried to move but was seemingly locked in place. I shifted more in my spot breaking free from the chains I was seemingly put under and walked towards the man. 

“Come on, we need your help,” I placed a fiery hand on his shoulder. He hissed audibly as he looked into my eyes. “You are the closest to Alexander as far as we know so we’re going to have to take some of your information and your knowledge to get towards him.”

Odin nodded as I let him go just enough to remind him that I could still partially destroy him the two of us moved closer to him. I sighed as I walked past him and down the stairs of the cruddy apartment we were in. I groaned more as my bones ached agains me. My chest puffed up a little. But as I looked into the eyes of Dean, I knew as much as I locked eyes with him. I sighed more as I looked down at my hands and tried to get some help with the railing next to me but it wasn’t of any use to me. 

“Come on,” I whispered and hoped no one would hear me as I struggled to get down the stairs. “Come on body, you can do this.”

I shifted down the stairs only to find more. Coming up was a lot easier than getting down which I think the opposite if what the pain I was feeling. I sighed lightly as I moved closer to him. Dean sighed as he placed his hand on my back and moved me closer to him. I shifted into his touch as I tried not to accept his help as I moved closer to him. 

“You don’t have to push yourself to do anything that you don’t want to do anymore. We can help you.”

“Fuck getting help Dean. I want to be able to walk on my own at my own goddamn pace.”

Dean nodded and pulled his body back as he raised his hands up to look me over. I sighed a little bit as I tried to make sure I was okay. I kept moving down the stairs at a slower pace than the others but they still kept themselves behind me. I shifted a little bit more as I looked down at my hands. I smiled at the thought of the others moved down the stairs and tried to get myself out of the building with some sense of ease. 

I walked out into the air and wrapped my own arms around me. The hellfire soul couldn’t save me. It wasn’t heating me up like I wanted it to and I was hurting someone else as I looked down at my hands. They were completely blue. So I just was really blue today. My body was completely tired as I looked down at my hands. My body shook as I moved closer to Dean to try and leech some warmth off of him. James scowled a little bit as I moved closer to him. I sighed as I looked down at my own hands. I looked down at my hands and sighed more as he wrapped his arms around me as I kept walking with him. 

“I hate having to leech warmth off of people, I’m supposed to have the hell soul and yet I’m here warming up to a human.”

“Oh, so you’re calling me a human now,” Dean smirked and lifted an eyebrow. “I kind go like it.” 

“Oh do you know, human,” I asked as I looked him over and tried to figure out what was going on with me. “It slipped out and I don’t care to ever say it again.”

Dean nodded as he locked eyes with me as I moved a little bit closer to him. My eyes dropped to the ground as I looked at my hands and feet moving in time to my own little bit. I shifted more as I moved into Dean’s arms a little bit more as I tried to get myself into a more comfortable position. I smiled a little bit more and moved closer to him. I sighed more as I tried to get the warmth from him as I tried to move closer to him. 

“I mean, you could call me a human anytime you want,” Dean winked flirtatiously as I moved closer to him and smiled more as I shook my head a little bit as I tried in vain to get the mental image of me calling anyone human again let alone Dean. “Though I think you know that.”

“I’m not ever calling someone human ag-”

Odin spoke up again in the same thick Russian accent from before, “Hey, Alexander! There you are buddy, where were you?”

The man didn’t respond so Odin spoke up again, this time in Russian, “Привет александр!” 

I didn’t even understand what the hell he was saying though I guess he was saying something along the lines from before. Cas smirked as he seemed to be the only one who knew what the hell was going on. Odin pointed to the three of us and spoke some more with the dark-haired man who walked up to us. The man smiled a little bit as he extended a hand to me. I took it and firmly shook his hand. 

The man looked up into my eyes as I looked into his eyes, “Он говорит, что вы полиция?” 

I leaned into Cas as I looked into his eyes before turning back to Alexander with a smile on his face, “What the hell is he saying?”

“He said that Odin said that we were the police, guess he doesn’t know any English, does he Odin?”

“Yeah, he does. Just refuses to speak it in front of the police. He understands English just as much as he does Russian, you can ask him questions in English and I’ll translate as much as I can.” 

I nodded, “Yes, we are the police and we want to ask you a few questions about you.”

Odin translated as Alexander nodded and dropped my hand as I moved closer to him. I sighed as I looked into his eyes. He seemed to understand as he moved closer to him and smiled at me. Alexander moved closer to me and smiled. He smiled as he moved closer to me, keeping an uncomfortable amount of eye contact as I moved closer to him as well, a familiar pulling bubbling up in my stomach as the two of us got closer to each other. Alexander spoke words that fell deaf on my ears but Odin smiled and talked to him. 

“Fine, I’ll speak English to the Americans,” Alexander rolled his eyes as he crossed his arms in front of me. “What kind of questions do you want to ask?”

“Maybe you and I should go sit down for a little bit. My associates will go with your body guard and my body guards to check out any other lea-”

Dean hissed into my ear as he looked into my eyes as he yanked me back a little bit, “But there are no other le-”

I cut Dean off once more as only I looked into his eyes, “Shut up and go check out the other leads, why won’t you? Wouldn’t you like to explore the sights a bit more?” 

Dean lifted his hands and moved away from me taking the others away from me and Alexander as I wrapped my arm around his waist to lead him to a diner down the street. Alexander smiled as I lead him in. We were sat down almost immediately by a waitress who didn’t seem to have the same abilities as Alexander so he had to translate for me. It wasn’t that bad for me at least, knowing as much. I didn’t even know what to tell him first or even ask him first but there had to be something.

“We are investigating a series of murders over in America and we think you might be a part of it,” I started but I was hoping to see the reaction Alexander gave me a stone cold as I tried to get some of his own reaction out of him. “We think that someone marked you. We’d know there would be a mark on your body somewhere if she did want to go after you.”

“What kind of mark,” I pulled down my shirt to reveal the mark. “Oh, is that the mark?”

I nodded as I moved closer to him lifting my hands from my shirt and moving away from him enough that it didn’t look any more suspicious. Alexander sighed a little bit as I leaned closer to him and tried to look over the menu but it wasn’t in English nor did any of the pictures of food look appetizing enough. Alexander looked over the menu as well but understood every word of it. 

The waitress walked over and babbled on and on in Russian which I didn’t know. This man is boring. He won’t even speak to us in here. She smiled at me but Alexander ordered for me. God I hate Russia. They’re so fucking behind. She walked way from me and smiled as Alexander moved closer to him. Oh fuck him. 

Do you want to shut up or do you just want to keep talking Kurt?

I gladly will not shut up.

A sigh left my mouth as I moved closer to Alexander, “Do you have the mark?”

“No,” Alexander sighed. “I do not have whatever mark you just showed me. But doesn’t that mean being around you is dangerous?”

“I am the safest person you know,” I smiled as I feigned politeness. “So come on, tell me, what makes you think I am so dangerous? Other than the mark?” 

“You don’t look as innocent as you let on and I can’t put my finger on it,” Alexander smiled at me as he sat back into his seat. I sighed a little bit more as I shot my eyes towards him. “Maybe you need to do something to prove that I should trust you.”

I shook my head as I tried to figure out how to get more comfortable in my spot. Alexander smiled at me as my own smile appeared on my face. I smiled a little bit more as I moved in my seat more. I smiled at him as I tried to get more and more comfortable. But Alexander kept looking at me as if he were more suspicious of me than normal. I tried to figure out what to do. 

I tilted my head, “So what the hell do you want me to do to prove that you should trust me?” 

“I don’t really know…,” Alexander looked me over as he moved closer to me and looked straight into my eyes. “But if I don’t die by the hands of whomever is coming after me, then I was right and you are sketchy and die by the hands of the man who you say that is hunting me then we might as well get to it and call it a truce.”

I chuckled as Alexander extended a hand to me, “Well I guess I have to call it a truce then because I’m going to be right, you hear me?”

Alexander smiled when he was done shaking my hand and leaned back into his seat as he looked me over. I shook my head. I sighed as I moved closer to him and placed my hand on my shoulder as I moved closer to him. I smiled as a waitress set some food right down in front of me. I frowned at the semi-edible food right in front of me. It looked halfway decent but I still wasn’t sure about it. I just wanted to eat it but it was way too icky to eat. I smiled more as I looked down at my hands.

Alexander smiled as he leaned forward and smiled at me, “What? Don’t you like it?”

“I do, just not hungry right now,” I smiled a little bit as I moved closer to him.

“Then why’d you bring me to a diner,” Alexander smiled at me. “If you weren’t hungry then why the hell would you bring me here?”

“I mean, it makes me feel better knowing that you’re here and eating.”

“Come on, eat the food of my motherland,” I rolled my eyes a little bit as I looked down at the food in front of me. “I promise it tastes just as good as the food in your homeland. I promise you that much, young one.”

I pushed the food towards him, “You’re promising me that this slop tastes good?”

“I promise you that it tastes a lot better than what you think,” Alexander pushed the food back towards me and smiled at the slop in front of me. 

I placed my fork into the slop and smiled a little bit as I looked into his eyes. It tasted like the grey mush he had given me. I shook my head as I looked into his dazed eyes. Alexander stood up and moved over to the other side of the room, walking into the back as if he were in a trance. I reached over to him but that was about all I seemed to be able to do as time slowed down around me. I got out of my seat as I moved closer to the man as he seemed to fly up the stairs and towards the rooftop. I moved as I looked into his eyes. He stood at the edge ready to jump.

“Don’t do it Alexander. Don’t fucking do it. You can’t-”

“But he will and transfer his life to me,” Elizabeth croaked out to me and pointed a wrinkled and bent finger towards me. “He will die and give me some life.”

“No, because you won’t get the chance to,” I walked over to Alexander and pushed him myself off of the building, taking the damage as I locked eyes with the hell woman who was here with me. She cried out almost bursting into dust as I looked into her eyes. “There. We. Go.”


	30. Twenty Nine

I turned to look over my shoulder and tried to get up out of my seat from the gravel underneath me. Dean placed his hands over my cheeks as he looked straight into my eyes. I shifted more as I moved closer to the man who was holding me up. My own body moved against it, my own instincts went against it but that was all that I needed to do to get out of my spot. I needed to get out of here and do something more with my life other than doing this, dying day after day with the same few people around me. I knew that I was going to be one of those people who only did this for the rest of my life. I sighed as I picked myself up off of the ground and looked around me. I was on top of yet another building, doing god knows what with Dean at my side. My whole body ached as I looked into his eyes. He smiled down at me as he tired to get up as well but the gravel had made his legs bleed. 

My body moved closer to Dean as I looked around over my shoulder to Sm, Cas and James. My hounds…my children…they were gone and all that was left was the memory of them. Even if I could see more that I was here without my children…I didn’t know what the hell was going on. I sighed as I wrapped my arms around Dean and just smiled at him. He locked eyes with me and moved me closer to him.

Dean pulled back from me and smiled, “I love you as much as the next person, but can we keep on moving?”

“Yeah, that would mean a lot to me since I am tired of bumping around from time to time.”

“I guess you would feel that tired, wouldn’t you know that you were going through death after death like this and it kind of hurts the body, doesn’t it?” 

I nodded as I moved closer to him. I shook my head more as I tried to get up and move around. Dean placed his hands on my body and moved me down into the apartment building below which wasn’t as abandoned as I had thought. People shot me a look as they looked over my body and shifted more towards Dean as I looked into his eyes. James smiled down at me as I locked eyes with him. He smiled more as I locked eyes with Sam.

Sam chuckled as he looked me over as Dean pulled me into an apartment, “You look amazing, don’t you?”

“I feel amazing,” I groaned as he placed me on the couch as I rubbed off some dirt. “How long was I up there?” 

“Few days,” Sam shrugged as he looked into my eyes as I smiled a little bit as I looked into his eyes. “We couldn’t move too on account of the broken…everything?”

“Everything seems to be in pain but broken I have no idea,” I rubbed my elbows and bones trying to get up from my spot but Dean kept me down, stopping me of any remaining clothing that I had on as I tried to move around better but Dean kept me down for as long as he needed me to be. I shifted more under everyone’s uncomfortable gaze. “Do I look like shit?”

Dean sighed as he moved his eyes over me and locked eyes with me, “Yeah, you could say something along the lines of that, don’t you think?”

A groan left my mouth as I moved closer to him and smiled at him as I rubbed my back and neck. Sam went to go get some ice out of the freezer and put it into the tub. I kept rubbing my aching joints as I moved closer to him. Dean smiled as he started placing some stitches to where some of my cuts had gone too deep. I shifted as I moved closer to him. Dean wrapped an arm around me as I looked into his eyes momentarily before pushing me down lightly to get to my back, a grunt leaving my mouth as he did so and moved me closer to him as I tried to get somewhere else. 

“Please…” I whimpered as I locked eyes with Dean as tears poured out of my eyes and I straightened back as I moved closer to him. “It fucking hurts so much. It…it hurts to breath and do much of anything anymore.”

Dean nodded as he looked me over and wrapped his arms around me as lightly as he could as not to hurt me. I straightened up more as I moved closer to him and sighed more and tired to get up out of my seat but he kept me down. Sam came into the room and waved me over to him.

“Come on, I need to figure out what the fuck is going on here with my body,” I groaned a little bit as I moved over to Sam who lead me back into the bathroom and set me down into the bathtub. I sighed a bit more as I moved closer to him. “I hate it. All of this fucking damage to my body and I can’t do anything about it.”

“I know, I know,” Sam sighed as he looked me over and placed a hand on my back. “But we can’t really help you out much now that you’re already so beat up.”

“I’m going to die from this. We all know I’m going to die from this. There’s no way that I won’t die from this. I can’t really not die from this.”

I shifted more as I looked into his eyes. I smiled more as I looked down at my hands as the cold went into my body and calmed the swelling in my body. I shifted a bit more as I looked into his eyes and tried to get more comfortable in my seat and get myself into the cold. I tried to get down and move the ice around my neck so that the bruises around my neck would heal more. Sam rubbed some ice over areas I couldn’t reach. 

“This literally fucking sucks ass. I don’t know what the hell we’re going to do about you.”

“Yeah, me neither asshat. You think I would be this messed up if I knew what the fuck to do with my own body. It’s getting too hurt too quickly and I have no idea what the hell I’m going to do with it.”

Sam nodded as he moved closer to me and looked down at my body and shifted more in my seat. I shifted down more as I looked down at my hands and tired to move over to the edge of the tub and sighed more as I tried to figure out what the hell I was going to do. My aching body was a lot more different than what I wanted but I never really wanted to do that more than what was going on with me relaxing in the room. 

“You literally look like you’re going to break down at any moment,” I sighed as I looked over my body and moved closer to him. “I hate feeling like this. Like a broken fucking piece of shit.” 

I sighed a little bit as I shook my head more and tried to move out of the bath but Sam set me down, “I can’t understand about how the hell I’m going to do something more.”

“You’re going to break eventually and that’s okay. But you will rise up better than before, right?”

“I don’t know man, don’t know about that part.”

“Yeah, I don’t think anyone would know about that. I was going to leave that up to the work of others when I need it to be.”

I shifted as Sam washed me up more. I sighed more as I moved closer to him and tried to relax more. I shifted to look into his eyes. We no longer had to do my hair but some fuzz was growing in and that made me feel as I moved closer to him. He smiled at the straight pieces of hair coming out of my head. He rubbed some oil on my head to keep my skin soft and the hair growing out of it conditioned and healthy. 

“You’re going to have a decent head of hair on you when it starts to grow back out.”

“I had one before we shaved it all off but I like being a badass bald babe,” I smiled up at Sam as he stood up and cringed. “What?”

“I just saw the equivalent to my younger brother’s vagina?”

“Did you know we were all practically androgynous in the womb right? You had a vag too as well.”

Sam chuckled as he sat back down, “Don’t think I should have looked at that, you know. Feels weird. Personal.”

“I mean, it is kind of weirdly personal. Though I know, how much that we spent together you were bound to see it anyhow. I mean, I’m surprised you haven’t see it all before. My vagina and shit.”

“Come on, you’re my little brother. I can’t see that shit,” Sam covered his eyes and shook his head a little bit as he sat back down on the toilet and opened up his eyes. “I don’t think I never wanted to see that.”

Sam stood once more with his eyes closed as he helped me out of the tub, “Are you telling me that you’ve never seen your brothers dick before?”

I wrapped the towel around myself and tapped him on the shoulder, “I mean I have but it isn’t as much of a trip, you know?” 

I nodded as I moved closer to him. Sam smiled as he dropped his hand from his eyes. He smiled as he got closer to me and wrapped his arms around me lightly. My bruised body was too busy fighting off the cold to feel any pain. Though I felt like I was going to completely collapse. I shifted as I tried to get more comfortable in his arms. Sam dried me off and moved me closer to him in an attempt to leach the warmth off of him. 

“I understand,” I whispered as I looked down at my hands as I tried to rub them together before catching my eyes in the mirror. 

My body was more black and pale yellow then the pale white I normally. It was ironic that I was now dying for some color on my skin. I had always wanted to be darker than what I had been before but I was more bruised than normal. I shifted underneath the gaze of the zombie in front of me. My body was weaker and it definitely looked it. My hands ran over my ribs which stuck out in a herion chic kind of way. I had been dying for this skinny look as well. It’s so sad that I was dying to see myself this way. It was like I hadn’t even eaten at all even though I was pretty sure I had. 

“We should get some weight on you, might take you awhile but we’ll get there, you know?”

I nodded more as I looked down at my hands and tried to get more up and at ‘em but my body couldn’t do that. Sam sighed as he locked eyes with me. Sam placed a hand on my boney body as I tried to stand up more. Sam took me in his arms as he helped me out of the room a bit more and smiled at me as he brought me to the others. Dean smiled at me before frowning as his eyes trailed over me. 

“You are in no shape to keep on fighting like this,” Dean locked eyes with me as he looked me over. “You are going to die.”

“Binder,” I croaked out and opened my hand up in front of me. Dean sighed a little bit, digging into my bag and attempting to grab the binder out of my bag but it slipping through his fingers as he moved closer to me with the binder on his hands and placed it into my hand as I flipped through the pages. “As I assumed.”

“What have you assumed,” Cas croaked out as he locked eyes with me.

“A overdose of drugs…one drug in particular,” I paused for dramatic effect. “Speedball.”

Dean, for as useless as he seemed to be to everyone else and how hard he was on monsters, seemed to be more excited for this one. My eyes drifted over to Cas as he straightened up a little bit more as he looked around as if his spider-senses were tingling. My eyes drifted down to my hands as I backed away from the others and wrapped my arms around myself as I got closer to the brick wall behind me. I wanted so desperately wanted to become one of those bricks. I never wanted more than to a brick in a wall. Dean stepped forward. 

“What the hell is going on,” Dean locked eyes with me before his eyes turned down as he looked over my emaciated body. “Why the hell are you so scared?”

“Nothing,” I whispered not wanting to remember the one overdose in the flesh I had ever seen before the ones I had on this mission. I dropped my eyes down to hands that looked so familiar to me. “I’m fine. Just really cold.”

Dean placed his hands on my back and walked me over to the bags of stuff we had brought with us. Dean handed me some clothes and smiled at the what might now be saggy clothes. My body hadn’t been made like this overnight. Well…it kind of had to be. I wasn’t like this yesterday. I couldn’t be like this overnight. I hated being this skinny it never made me want to be like this. 

“Here, try these on,” Dean smiled at me and looked me over as I turned and walked back into the bathroom. “You’re welcome, Noah!”

“Thank you,” I called back as I set myself in front of the mirror and placed the clothes on the sink, staring at them for a moment before putting them on.

The jeans were maybe a few inches too big. So was the shirt. But that wouldn’t mean nothing. It was hurtful to not be able to fit into clothes that I once was able to fit. I looked like a fucking child playing in daddy’s clothing. Ew. Yuck. Why the hell are you using the word daddy? That word is disgusting. I shifted as I moved closer to the other side of the bathroom.

“Do you think I look like a child,” I whispered into Sam’s ears before I looked into his eyes. 

“Yeah, you kind of do but I wouldn’t care,” Sam ruffled my hair and smiled a bit. “But you kind of look like you were just dressing up in my clothes.”

Sam took one look down at my shirt, a ratted and old Harvard shirt. One Sam had given to me when I said I wanted to go to Harvard. Or was at least considering going but now I was here in the past with someone who had practically dropped out go the same college I was supposed to go to. Sam smiled more at me as he pulled me closer. A groan left my mouth as I moved closer to him and tried to get away from him. 

“Come on, that’s no fun when we’re trying to hunt some little shit down, now is it?”

“And who exactly is that at this point,” Dean crossed his arms in front of him and tilted to the side as I locked eyes with him. “I think I’ve lost track of something.”

I shifted more as I tried to lock eyes with Sam, but he kept his arm around me. I smiled at the man with an arm around me as I smiled at him. He held me closer to him as I tried to look into his eyes. Sam kept his arms around me as he locked eyes with him. He shook me about as I moved closer to him. 

“Uhh, it’s…,” I paused slightly as I moved closer to Dean and smiled at him as my eyes went down to the binder that was open on the couch. “Jean-Michel Basquiat.”

“French?” Dean asked before uncrossing his arms from in front of his chest and looking at me. I shifted in my spot as I moved closer to him.

“That just confirms you’re a little bit of an idiot, my man. He’s Haitian and Puerto Rican. Don’t judge someone by their name. You should know that by now.”

“Oh yeah because your name was-”

“Shut your mouth before I rip your throat out,” I growled at him as I moved closer to him.

“Oh? Rip my throat out, will you? What strength would you have to yank my throat out.”

I growled at Dean and moved closer to him and shifted more in my seat as I tried to figure out what the hell I was going to do with Dean. Sam held me back which was nothing short of a miracle that he didn’t break any of my bones. Dean smiled cockily as he turned back to the window, sniffling a laugh with his hand as if he were laughing at my anger. He wasn’t going to say my deadname. Sam growled as well and sighed a little bit as he wrapped his arms around me and lifted me up. Then set me down on the couch, my arms still crossed in front of my chest.

I snapped my teeth at the air and looked down at my hands as Sam sat me up to slip behind me. I shifted as Sam wrapped his arms around me as I tried to get somewhere else but Sam held me firmly in place. He sighed as I struggled against him as Cas and Dean shared a look before going to the door. Dean winked at his brother before heading out the door and lowering his head. 

I struggled against Sam as I looked down at my hands that were encapsulated in, “Where are they going?”

“I would assume out to find Jean, I would think that would mean a lot less now that you’re here though I assume they’ll be back here.”

I shifted in my seat as I locked eyes with him as I leaned back into his chest and tried to relax. I smiled at him as I moved closer to him. Sam smiled at me wheezed a little bit. My chest heaved up and down as I tried to get some more air into my lungs. My broken ribs were underneath my chest and straining against my lungs. Sam placed his hand on my chest as I tried to get some more air into my lungs. 

“So you really seem to like James,” Sam whispered into my ear as if not to hurt me. “What made you turn to him instead of Dean?”

I shrugged, “He’s there for me. But I have a habit of falling in love with men who are nice to me.”

Sam chuckled as he rubbed his arms up and down my body to warm me up as I got towards him to leech off of his heat. I shifted more as I locked eyes with him and pulled a blanket over us both. Sam smiled a bit as I turned over to get more comfortable in my spot as I moved closer to him and closed my eyes more and finally fell by the wayside. 

~

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Pause. Tap. Tap. Tap. Pause. Tap. Tap. Pause. Tap. Tap. Longer pause. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Pause. Tap. Pause. Finally it all got too annoying and my eyes shot open to look into Dean’s eyes. Then he went to Sam. Tap. Tap. Tap. Pause. Flick. Tap. Tap. Tap. Flick. Pause. Tap. Tap. Tap. Flick, pinch, pause. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Pinch, flick, pause. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Sam was harder to wake up then I was. Though I guess he was used to it more than I was. Tap. Flick. Pause. Tap. Flick. Pause. Tap. Flick. Pause. Tap. Tap. Flick. Pause. Shake? Shake? Shake? Shake! Eyes wide open. Sam moved closer to me than ever. I shifted up to let Sam up. 

Sam let out a yawn as he looked straight into my eyes then at Dean’s. He smiled at me as Dean gestured towards the door. Jean-Michel stood in the door as I locked eyes with him as I moved closer to him. I sighed as I got up and moved closer to him. I shifted in my seat as I looked him over as I smiled at him and extended a hand to him. He took it softly and shook my hand with cuffed hands. I smiled as I locked eyes with him then down at his cuffs.

“Just bailed him out for being drunk and disorderly,” Dean smiled as Cas trailed in behind him with some food bags which smelled delicious. 

I reached out as I moved closer to the bags and placed a hand on the brown paper. Cas let one go and smiled at me. I did the same and smiled at him as well. He looked at me as the food landed in my lap. I smiled at him and looked down at my hands more before moving back up and smiling ay him. 

“Hello Jean, how are you?” I smiled as I dug into the food and set some of whatever was in the bag. I didn’t really care what was in here but it was more than enough to feel fuller than normal. 

“Good, how are you? Though I assume you are not feeling that good from what I can tell. What drugs are you on?”

“None. Just high on life,” I mumbled as I looked into his eyes as I munched on some of the chicken in my hand before moving closer to him. 

Dean smiled at me as I looked into his eyes. Jean-Michel moved closer to the table as he grabbed some food off the it and moved closer to me as a result. His eyes wanted over me as he locked eyes with me just for a moment before letting out another laugh. I chuckled a little bit more as I moved closer to him. 

“So what is it that you want then? From me at least? You guys did bail me out but then put me straight back into handcuffs,” Jean smiled as he locked some eyes with me as he moved closer to me as he locked eyes with me once more as I tried to get closer to him.

“It’s for your own safety,” Dean smiled at me as he shot me a look of something more than what I couldn’t see or tell so I moved closer to him as I tried to get up. Sam smiled at me a little bit as I leaned back into my spot. “But what I can tell you that you are going to die tonight one way or another even if that means I have to kill you myself. Though I wouldn’t put that past me now.” 

Jean chuckled as he moved closer to me with a smile on his face. I smiled as well as I got closer to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. He wasn’t as far away as I had originally thought. I smiled as I got even closer to him before I moved away from him. Dean wrapped his hands around my own as he steadied himself onto the ground. Dean placed his hands on either side of me to kiss my forehead. I smiled down at him.

“You are one crazy motherfucker aren’t you,” Jean smiled and chuckled a little bit as he behind Cas as he looked down at him. The angel lifted his head as he looked at me. I shifted a little bit more downward into the couch and tried to get somewhere. “Who’s the man behind me?”

“An angel named Castiel.”

“Oh, like a playboy bunny? Never saw a male one before.”

“I am no playboy bunny whatever the hell that is. Though I don’t really want to know what the hell one of those things are,” Cas deadpanned once more as he shot me a look. “What the hell is a playboy bunny?”

“You’ve been on earth for how long?”

“A few years at least, at least, and you don’t know what the hell one of those is?”

“Pamala Anderson, at least! Please tell me you know who the fuck she is,” Dean groaned a little bit as he rubbed his temples and moved closer to Cas. “Please tell me who the hell she is.”

“No because I have no idea what the hell might happen between the two of you but I would really like to know what the hell is going on right now,” Jean looked right into my eyes and stretched more as he locked eye with me. “I would love to know, honestly.”

“You don’t want to know,” I whispered as I ate some more food and moved back down in my seat and tried to move a little bit more. “You honestly do not want to know.” 

Dean sat down in his seat as I moved closer to him. He smiled a little bit as he locked eyes with me as he did so and gave me a quick squeeze on the shoulder. All I could do was smile more as I moved closer to him. Dean smiled a little bit more as he came around and picked some food off of my plate. I smiled at him a little bit more as I moved closer to him and smiled. I shifted in my spot as I got in my place and moved closer to him and his touch. Sam groaned as he moved closer to me and shook his head a little bit more. 

“I like you, I really like you,” Jean smiled more as I locked eyes with him as he pointed to my chest and smiled even more than what I had seen on him before. I smiled as I moved closer to him more. 

“Hello, aren’t you the best little investigator ever,” He smiled at me and giggled more as he moved closer to me and winked. He held out a hand and shook it once more, a bit of deja vu to be had here. I shifted in my spot as I took some more food into my mouth and ate some more. 

“I love having more hellos than usual,” I giggled as Jean locked eyes with me as I moved closer to him. He smiled as I shifted back and some more food. I ate some more as I locked eyes with him. He blushed as I moved closer to him and gave him a smile once more. 

“Well then, you will get more hellos than normal. I am high out of my goddamn mind. Would you like to hear some more hellos or would you like to get high out of your mind with me?”

“I would say high out of my mind but I already feel like I’m high out of my mind. High on pain medicines.” I groaned as I moved closer to Sam and leaning into him and closing my eyes. 

Sam shook his head a little bit as he rubbed my back more as I tried to fall asleep. I shifted in my seat as I laid my head on his shoulder in an attempt to fall asleep but couldn’t. It was too bright and I was way too hungry. Though sleep always took precedent and my hunger was really high. So maybe if I just…ate and slept a little bit at the same time? Though either way it would wake me up a little bit as I moved closer to Sam. I mean, I would want to eat more than I already was. The food wasn’t enough for me. 

“So I die tonight, was that what you were saying,” Jean locked eyes with me as he looked me over. “How would you know that?”

“Because we’re from the future,” I deadpanned knowing that he would never truly understand what we were going through. “And we know you die…tonight.”

Jean chuckled as he shot a look over at the two of us and smiled a little bit more as he laughed a little bit more when he locked eyes with me, “Damn, you are just too coked out, aren’t you?”

I chuckled a little bit more as I locked eyes with Dean who shrugged a little bit more, “Yeah, coked out of our minds.”

“Which explains the kidnapping essentially? Which were is my manager, by the way? Or did I really get kidnapped?”

“Little bit of both,” I tilted my head to the side as I looked into his eyes. He squirmed underneath me and smiled at him. “We kidnapped you but we were just trying to keep you safe.”

“Kidnapping for safety, what the hell is wrong with you guys? Did you do a line of bad coke or something?” 

“Nah man, we’re still high on something but not on bad shit. Trust me, we can buy the good stuff.”

Jean-Michel looked into my eyes, “So you guys are as rich as can be, aren’t you?” 

“Yeah, we are a little rich but are you would never know it. We like to live modestly.”

“Of course, save money while you can,” Jean-Michel shot me a look as he moved closer to me. He placed his elbows on the table. “But I like to spend it while I can. You can only live once, right?” 

I shivered at the 2010-like meme as I looked down at my hands and shook my head. Jean smiled a little bit more as I locked eyes with him. I sighed as I moved closer to Sam. Sam held me closer to him as I locked eyes with him. Jean moved closer to me and smiled as he got closer to me. He gave me a smile before leaning back and closing his eyes. I mirrored him almost as if someone was controlling my body and it wasn’t me controlling my body any more. 

My vision blurred above me. The ceiling spun around me. My eyes dropped down to look over at Sam. He held me close in his arms as I shifted over to him a little more. Jean did the same thing but feel out of his chair. This made me laugh as I moved closer to him. I shifted more in my seat as I locked eyes with the man who wobbled in his seat. My eyes went shit as I looked down at my hands. 

And we’re going…going…gone! Another one bites the dust. Awe, wouldn’t it be great if good ol’ Freddie was up here with us. That would be a hell of a time, wouldn’t it? It would be like hell on steroids with him here. But goddamn, we would die if he was here.


	31. Thirty

“Fuck!” I screamed as I opened my eyes and looked around me as I tried to figure out where the hell I was and what the hell was going on with me. Air entered my lungs as I took a deep gasp of air as I looked into Cas’ eyes, locking eyes with him. 

“What a great way to see you wake up,” Dean chuckled as he placed a hand on my shoulder as I locked eyes with him as well.

“I wake up like that every morning because I never seem to want to wake up at all,” 

Dean smiled at me as he held my hand in his. He placed a hand on my shoulder and made me get closer to him as he peeled me out of the bed. The weight I had lost had been put onto my body once more. I smiled at my small amount of muscle and chub on my body. I had never been so happy to see fat in my life. Dean helped me out of my bed and helped me towards the bedroom. I turned to look at my body as I moved closer to him, taking in the sight of my own body. I shivered as I moved closer to him and tried to get more of a look at my body in the mirror above the sink. I moved closer to brush my teeth but Dean watched me over with careful eyes. 

I spat out my toothpaste and locked eyes with Dean in the mirror and held the toothbrush in midair, “What?”

“Are you sad that this is all over with this one. We all know we can’t hit the nineties or real shit can start going down. We’re already pushing it when we got to the seventies and eighties. I can’t believe it all ends here.”

I let out a sigh as I spat out some more toothpaste into the bowl. I wiped my mouth and moved closer to the mirror to inspect my face. My hands went up to my face as I washed it with some soap next to the sink which seemed a lot sketchier than what I had hope it would be. Dean watched me as I locked eyes with him through the mirror as I applied some more antiseptic to my face. I placed my hands on my face once more and pushed down, playing with the bruising on my face and the pain I felt when I did so. 

“I don’t ever want this to end. I don’t think I could ever…want it to end. I have never felt as important as I do than right now. I am saving lives in a sense and I never want to leave here.”

“But we have to leave, we can never be here for as long as you want to be, we know it would be more dangerous then what you might think.”

“I know that much, but I feel this sense of pride…even if my body is all beat up and done up like this.”

Dean chuckled as he rested his hands on his temples, “I want you to know this is as far as we’re going to be here. As soon as this is done we are taking you back to present day no matter how many times you try and protest and say that you want to stay here.”

I shook my head as I sat down on the toilet and didn’t even take a piss. I shifted more as I tried to figure out what to do. It truly was the shitty place I had ever been. On one hand, I wanted to leave and get home so I can heal perfectly. On the other hand, I wanted to stay here for as long as possible. I shifted as I locked eyes with Dean.

“I don’t ever want to leave here. I don’t ever want to get out of here,” I shifted a little bit as I locked eyes with him. “As delusional as that sounds I don’t ever want to leave my post as the patron saint of the 27 Club.”

“You’re really going to take up the moniker now, after all this time spent not focusing on that you are finally going to just succumb to that now.”

I shook my head once more as I tried to figure that out. Why I was taking up this moniker now? I felt a lot better with the name. I was completely tired of looking like I was shit for doing something so holy while being so unholy. I shifted on the toilet seat and sighed more as I moved closer to him. My eyes went down to my hands as I tired to figure out what was going to happen to the others.

“I don’t want others to feel as bad. I feel like Chuck for once in my life and he’s been missing for how long and we haven’t even so much as looked for him?”

“And how the hell do we know he’s missing? For all we know he’s dead and angels are running heaven.”

“Oh, and you think that God being dead would be a good thing? I mean, it had to be a power balance thing. I mean, do you know anything about the type of balance we have to keep here!”

“‘We’? Who is this we you speak of? There is no we in this or are you siding with angels right now?”

“I guess I am siding with the angels right now because…,” I chocked up at the thought of Chuck. “Because I miss him, okay? I miss Chuck and I will never get to say goodbye to him if he did die. I mean…”

Dean pulled me closer to me as I let out a sob. He rubbed my back and held me as close as I looked into his eyes. I sighed once as I lifted myself up off of the toilet seat and sighed as I pulled myself closer to him. I gave him a smile as I moved closer to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. He led me out of the room and placed a hand on my back and moved me closer to him. 

Cas locked eyes with me as I moved over to the other side of the room and set me down. I sighed as I went over to the room and placed my hands on my binder for once as I looked into Cas’ eyes, “Pete de Freitas. Traffic collision by a motorcycle.”

Cas placed a hand on my shoulder and smiled at me as he locked eyes with me, “We are going to need to help you out with that.”

“What do you mean by that? All I have to do is die,” I shrugged. “That’s it.”

“No, Elizabeth is going to be angry. This is her last change to get life from the others. Then, hopefully, she will turn to dust but you dying would possibly end the cycle. There no way I can carry a dead body all the way back to the future no matter how close it is to us. I am going to be the way in over my head even with all the strength I’ve tried to gather.” 

I nodded as I paced around the room, “So we gank her like a normal witch then. She’s weak enough, it’s she?”

Dean shrugged a little bit as he looked me in the eye, “It’s worth a shot now, isn’t it?” 

“Yeah. Worth the chance we have to take on other people. I just…don’t want to see this backfire on everyone. I just need it to not…to not back fire on us. I don’t need that to happen to us.”

I placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder and locked eyes with him for just a moment before turning away from him. I shifted in my seat more as I tried to let it all settle in for a moment. I was never going to be back here at any point in time. This was my last chance to be. Here and prove myself a leader. I was having this one final chance to be a person who was going to lead. A good person…if you could even call me that. 

I stood up straight as I moved away from him. I sighed ever so slightly as I stretched a little bit. My eyes drifted over to the other side of room where James stood. He looked me over and looked me over. I smiled more as I looked down at my hands. I shifted more as I waltzed over to him. He gave me a smile as I moved closer to him as I looked down at my hands. He smiled at me as I placed my hands on either side of me. 

“So, why is everyone stuck in their seats or is there nothing you all want to do,” I looked into everyone’s eyes before looking down at my hands a little bit as no one ever moved. “So are you going to help me or not.”

“Yeah,” Dean groaned as he stood up from his seat as he looked me over. “We’re here to help you.”

Dean smiled at me as he looked me over once more as I moved away from him to get out of the hotel room I was in. My whole body was still wracked with pain. It all hurt me way too much. It hurt me felt like I was going to die more. It felt a little bit worse than what was happening to me. It hurt way too much. I smiled more as I tried to move but my muscles didn’t seem to work as much as I wanted them too. I was completely and utterly not okay. It fucking hurt more than I thought it did and I was going to die once more.

“Come on Cas,” Dean smiled as he moved closer to him in the room behind me, his voice was low as if he didn’t want me to hear what he was saying but I clearly did. “Get up out of that damned seat of yours and help me out, okay? Help…Noah out.”

James was the second one out of the room and held my hand next to him. My eyes dashed to him as he wrapped an arm around me. I shifted in my spot to get closer to him. A smile appeared on his face as he got closer to me. He wrapped an arm around me with a soft smile appearing on his face on his did so and all I could do was smile at him. I shifted a little to let Dean and Cas through then finally Sam. I shifted over to lock eyes with the younger Winchester brother as I headed out into warm English air.

Cas wrapped an arm around me as well as I locked eyes with him. Dean moved closer to him. I smiled as I kept my hands down at my sides instead of holding them on either side of me on the waists of the men holding me up. Dean placed a hand on my shoulder as he walked backwards towards our destination. 

I shrunk away from the other three of them, “Why the hell are you guys so fucking touchy feely today, honestly?”

“Because we get to go home today. We get to finally go home after like a month on the fucking road.”

“Sorry for dragging you on this whole trip. I could’ve just gone with Cas but all of you decided to join in on the road.”

Dean shrugged as I looked down at my hands a little bit as I moved closer to him, “I don’t mind a all.”

“I don’t either at all. I mean, it will work a lot better then what we were supposed to be doing. It was a nice break to me at least.”

I smiled more as I turned away from him and held Sam’s hand in my own as I looked down at my own hands. I shifted more to try and get away from me. Sam smiled as I got closer to him. The pulling feeling in my stomach came once more as I tried to fine away from him. I smiled a little bit as I turned down the streets. Cas seemed to follow me a little bit down the roads as I looked down as I tried to move more. I looked down at my hands before I looked into his eyes and moved down the alleyway. I moved closer to him as I stared down at the end of the of the alleyway. I smiled a little bit more as I tried to figure out why I was going down this alleyway. 

No one seemed to mind me at all as I walked down the clearly still cobblestone road. My eyes moved down to my hands. I shifted more as I tried to move a little bit more. I wanted to keep going down the room. I shifted a little bit more as Sam let my hand go down to my side. I sighed more as I tried to figure out what the hell I was doing. Are we going to get evicted after this mission? I tilted my head to the side as I kept looking down the alleyway. 

Are we going to get evicted after this mission, Kurt asked more urgently as I moved down the alleyway. 

No, of course you’re not going to get evicted. I don’t even know what the hell I would do to even evict you guys.

Thank fuck, I’m starting to like it in here. 

Are you really want me to evict you though, I raised an eyebrow as I looked at him. 

No, Kurt pounded on my skull and whined a little bit and seemed to look out of my eyes. Can I please come out and see the world as you do? I’ve been practicing possession! Or at least the closest thing I can get to when you have no soul.

I groaned and stomped my foot on the ground as I moved around the alleyway. I groaned once more as I moved around me. I sighed a little bit as I moved around as I looked down at my hands once more as I was tempted to respond right then and there but didn’t. Sam walked up to me and smiled at me as he placed a hand on my shoulder. He smiled at me as I moved closer to him and wrapped his arms around him. I sighed a little bit as I held his hand in mine. I sighed as I took his hand on him. 

“I just had a little bit of a moment there, I’m sorry about that,” I sighed. 

“No need to be sorry about that. It’s okay, really, just wanted to make sure you were okay, you know?”

I nodded as I placed my hand on his and smiled at him as I tried to figure out what to do from here. I turned to the others and smiled at them as I tried to figure out which way I was supposed to go now. I turned left then I turned right. But neither direction seemed right anymore so I turned to the others and walked back to them. Nothing seemed right anymore. I just felt like I had lost everything. 

Dean tilted his head to the side as he looked into my eyes, “Did anything happen to you?”

“No, sorry. Was just another one of those weird fucking feelings I guess.”

I sighed as Dean wrapped an arm around me and looked into my eyes. He locked eyes with me as he moved closer to me. I sighed a little bit as I moved closer to him. I smiled as I looked down at my hands once more as I tried to figure out as I looked down at my hands. I sighed as I locked eyes of Cas as he moved closer to him. Dean moved closer to me and wrapped an arm around me and smiled at me as he held me close to me. I sighed more as I looked down at my hands once more. 

“I’m sorry about that. Maybe you will just get more food first. Maybe you’re just hungry.”

“No, it was this the same pull I have felt before when I am tracking them…,” ’Tracking’ made it seem like I was hunting them which I guess we were in a sense but we were more so tracking Elizabeth who was ready to bite the dust. “It was the exact same pull. I don’t know what to tell you because you wouldn’t-”

“Wouldn’t understand, I get it. We all get it,” Dean sighed a little bit as he crossed his arms in front of him. “But we should get some food in your goddamned body.”

I nodded as Dean gestured towards me as he extended a hand towards me as I looked into his eyes as I moved to take his hand in mine. Dean took my hand in his as he moved closer to me. I smiled as I locked eyes with him just once more as he helped me out as he looked me over as I moved closer to him before he wrapped his arms around me. I smiled as Dean helped me out. Dean moved closer to me and held me closer. His breath was on mine as I looked him over. He wrapped his arms around me with a smile on his face. My eyes shot over him once more as I looked down at my own hands. I smiled lightly as I looked down at my hands. 

My lips finally parted to speak rather than in a smile towards the man I was still unsure about considering how fast he could switch, “So where the hell are we going to go to eat?”

Dean shrugged as he locked eyes with me, “I don’t know, we’re where exactly?”

“England, 1989. So I would assume we have some of the same places around as we would eat whatever we would normally eat, yeah?”

Dean nodded as he moved closer to me. I sighed a little bit as he held me close to his chest. I shifted as I got closer to him. He smiled a little bit as I looked up at him slightly and smiled a little bit as he moved closer to me. Dean held me closer to him as if he were completely done with the situation and me being near me. Dean moved closer to him as I tried to move closer to him once more when we parted a bit to get around a pole. 

I set my eyes on one of the McDonald’s in the horizon. I sighed as I moved closer to James now that I moved closer to him as I looked down at my hands. The two others behind me got closer as we moved over to the others and tried to move towards them. Both of them moved closer to me lock eyes with them. I turned to him more as I shifted closer to Sam. Sam smiled as he locked eyes with him once before moving closer to him and away from Dean.

“Do you all want whatever you normally get?” 

Sam nodded then Cas then Dean. James smiled as he raised a finger, “What do they even sell there?”

“Burgers and fries and shit,” I shrugged as I moved closer to James and placed my own hand on his shoulder. “We’ll find you something to eat.”

Dean nodded as he moved closer to me as he looked down over my body as I moved closer to him. I smiled over at him. He smiled back at him as we got closer to the other side of the room. I was the first one to the door so I had to open it up and wait for everyone else to enter before I could follow them into the restaurant. Dean placed his hand on my shoulder and pulled me closer. He gave me a small kiss on my cheek before allowing us to walk towards the others. He sat me down before going to the front with James to pick out some food.

I had no idea what the hell this meant but tears flooded my eyes as I tried to wrap my head around what was happening. This was one of-no, the last time I would ever be in the past. No one would probably let me do this again. Lead a hunt. It had been a disaster from start to finish. First it had just been the three of us which would have been fine. We could have chugged on from there if it weren’t for what happened next. We picked up Samantha as soon as we begun. It was a minor setback but she helped a lot. Now she’s dead. Then we found James. We couldn’t even leave him either. How could you? He had clearly been confused and had been left there to practically die without knowing who or what he was. Maybe he would die too. I would be the cause of it too. I could be the downfall of everyone else. My soul was made of hell fire and I couldn’t even control it. 

James came back with all of our drinks. Dean still stood at the counter waiting for the food to come out. He turned his head over his shoulder and shot me a smile and a wave. He turned his head back to the counter. His fingers tapped on the counter. I sipped on my drink and sighed out of my nose. James reached out as he tried to touch me but I pulled back away from him and curled away from him. James curled back as well and looked down at my hands. I sighed more as I turned away from him. Dean came back over to us a few moments later and smiled a little bit more as he handed me some food.

I touched the paper that encapsulated my food softly. All food I had ever wanted to eat just went away. I shifted more as I looked down at my hands. Dean smiled as he pushed more food towards me. The two of us locked eyes as I took the food in my hands. Dean moved in his seat and sank his teeth into the food. All I could so was poke at the food in front of me. The two of us smiled as I opened up the burger. But I didn’t want to do anything, not even eat. I shifted it more as I looked down at the opened food on my table. I sighed as I looked into Dean’s eyes as I took a bite into my food

Dean sighed more as he looked down at his hands. I sighed more as I looked into his eyes. He smiled as I moved closer to him. I smiled at him as I tried to eat a little bit more. I couldn’t even stomach food anymore. It all tasted so gross. It sat in my stomach all wrong. Dean smiled as I looked into his eyes and chewed my food. I shifted in my seat as I tried to figure out what to do with the food currently sitting in my stomach. I sighed as I got up out of my seat and headed into the bathroom to sit down for awhile alone. I rubbed my temples as I took some deep breaths.

I looked down at my hands and tried not to cry. I really tried not to cry. No one seemed to want to come into the bathroom. All I wanted was for Dean to come in wrap his arms around me. I shook my head as the overwhelming sense of dread came over me as I moved closer to the door. I didn’t want to do anything more that I never wanted to do anything. I shifted up as I got closer to him and sighed a little bit more as I looked down at my hands. I tried to figure out what the hell I was going to do. My eyes shifted up to the lock and opened it up. I sighed a little bit as I looked at it. My brain didn’t even want to open up the door.

My own impulsive decision didn’t even want me to feel like I was going to do anything better than this. I didn’t even want to get out of here. I shifted towards him and sighed as I looked down at my hands. Another sigh left my mouth as I stood up straighter to move closer to him. I shifted more as I went out of the room and back to the others. Dean shifted in his seat as he locked eyes with me once more. My eyes went down to the table as I looked down at my hands. Dean moved closer to me as he looked over at me. He gave me another smile as he looked down at the finished food near me. 

Dean placed his eyes on me as he didn’t even speak. He didn’t even open his mouth. My eyes closed as I looked down at my hands. I touched my food a little bit more as I looked down at my hands. Dean smiled more but he shook his head as he took my food from me. I shifted in my seat. Dean smiled as he shifted more as I tried to get up out of my seat but couldn’t get up. Cas eyed me as he shifted in his seat as he scooted over to me and wrapped his arms around me. I smiled as I locked eyes with him. He gave me a soft squeeze as I looked down at his hand on my shoulder. 

“What’s wrong with you,” Cas whispered into my ear as I locked eyes with him for a moment. Cas touched my shoulder once more as I tried keep my voice down. “You’re acting all weird.”

“Yeah, mental health is just starting to act up,” I whispered back to him as I tried to figure out what the hell to do. I sighed a little bit more as Cas pulled away from me. “It will pass in a few days or hours. Depends on how bad I go down the rabbit hole.”

Dean raised an eyebrow as he looked me over, “You two okay over there or what?”

I nodded as I lowered my eyes down to the no nonsense food in front of me and took a bite of the fries in front of me. I shifted more as I locked eyes with him. Dean smiled a little bit more as I looked into his eyes once more. He finished his food and got up with his trash. He slid out of the booth to throw away the trash he had in his hands. But he paused. The whole room paused. No one moved. Not even a pin dropped. I could move. I was the only one who seemed like I could move.

My eyes darted around the room until it could find some sort of movement. An elderly lady, so old that I was sure she was going to crumble to dust if she took one more step. She moved closer to me with to me with someone next to her all beat up. I shifted a little bit as I moved closer to her with my arms crossed in front of me. I sighed a little bit as I sized her up a little bit more. 

“I have a preposition for you,” She croaked out. “I want to give up. You can kill me now.”

I kept my voice low as if someone was going to hear us, “Why are you giving up so easily?” 

“I’m going to die. This whole thing was futile in the first place,” She sat down with Pete in her hands still. She sniffed the air. “I thought doing this…would help me get to my husband…Lucifer.”

I laughed, “Lucifer? Lucifer Morningstar? The man who controls hell? That guy?” 

Elizabeth nodded, “I was trying to get enough juice to survive the ride down there. But…I got some news…some news that kind of rocked my whole world. Lucifer didn’t agree to the marriage at all. It was someone else who made the deal. Now my soul is going to go to the worst place ever…purgatory…”

I laughed once more as I locked eyes with the woman sitting across from me, “You really got hit by something stupid didn’t you. You got duped by some demons.”

Elizabeth teared up as she gripped my hands in hers as she locked eyes with me, “Please, I have had the worst time here. I know I dragged you through hell for this.”

“Come on, you know I’ve been through some real hell and this wasn’t it,” I held her hands as she looked into my eyes. “You just…made some kind of human mistake didn’t you.”

Elizabeth nodded as she locked eyes with me once more and held my hands in hers. I smiled as I shook her hands in mine. She held Pete up with one crooked shoulder. She touched him with a crooked hand, his body springing back almost to life. Her body crumpled more in the weight of my hands. Her whole body moved closer to him as she was practically lifeless now. Her whole body was done. I shifted in my seat as I moved closer to him. The air around us grew as cold as possible. I shifted as I held her hands. She smiled at me as she tried to hold on to whatever life she had left. She just smiled at me as her eyes closed and the air around me grew warm once more. Pete and her were both dead. 

I raised my voice, “Someone call the police, there are two dead people here!”

Everyone panicked and screamed. Dean rushed over to me and placed his hand on my shoulder and dragged me over to him and gave me a look. I shifted a bit more as Cas locked eyes with me in the chaos. It was over. It was all over. She was dead and I felt…nothing. Absolutely nothing.


	32. Thirty One

My own body snapped up from the couch. My eyes flashed open. My eyes locked with the ceiling. Cas and Dean were cleaning up the ashes of my children and Samantha in the library. James fiddled with his hands as Sam gave him a history crash course. It had been a few days since we had gotten back and nothing felt the same. I was home but the souls I had saved…they never left me. They couldn’t physically leave me. My body felt heavier that it had ever been before. My soul wasn’t there. But the souls of the others where here. I was here. I had survived but they hadn’t. They hadn’t felt anything more than one death but some of them had to see themselves and me die again. 

Dean placed a hand on my shoulder as I looked him over. His smile held some pain in it. He knew. I had seen more death than he could have ever seen. I had felt the pain. My whole chest hurt as I locked eyes with him. He didn’t even look at me the same anymore. To be honest, I wouldn’t even look at myself the same. I would have done the same thing. He was looking at me as if he was looking at Benny. I smiled as I wrapped my arms around him in a hug I don’t think he expected. He wrapped his arms slowly around me. He smiled at me a little bit as he looked at me. 

“I didn’t want her to die,” I whispered as I locked eyes with Dean. Our stare was broken with a groan from Sam. Dean smiled more as he locked eyes with me. “I knew she was just making a dumb mistake like we all do and yet she’s dead for it. She didn’t deserve to die.” 

“I know, but she had to die. She was a bad woman,” Dean paused as I locked eyes with him. “Okay, maybe she wasn’t that but she made some bad decisions. She may have deserved some sort of retribution.”

I nodded as I held him closer to me. He smiled as I locked eyes with him. He smiled as I did the same to him. He held me closer to him. I smiled as he rocked me back and forth. He smiled a lot at me these days. It was fun seeing him do so. I had never really seen before. The two of us moved closer to each other and held each other close. He held me more often than not these days. I smiled at him more to him. He smiled as he rocked me back into place. I smiled more as I locked eyes with him. 

Cas stood up as he locked eyes with me. I smiled at him as he looked me over. Dean held me closer than normal as Cas walked into his seat. He held me close to him. I smiled over at the angel. He moved closer to me and smiled. He held me close to him and smiled at me. He looked me over and held me closer as Cas watched me over. He held me close to his chest and kissed the top of my head softly.

“How are you holding up Noah? Feeling any better?”

I had spent most of my days back home sleeping off whatever pain I had. My body had slowly begun the process of healing itself up. I had spent most of my nights sleeping things out but that was about it. I had been tired most of my days but I had never even considered that it would be a thing much later when I got home. It had been incorrect for me to assume that all of my pain would go away when I had completely been eviscerated by some fucking souls. My leg was the slowest healer of them all. It hadn’t even begun to heal now. My arms were completely tired. It was as if they had been stretched to the paint where I could no longer feel them anymore. I tried to move them but they didn’t move. My whole body felt like it was going to fall apart.

He held me closer to me. Dean smiled as he held me closer to him. My arms moved up to my shoulders. He held me closer to him. He looked me over as he held me closer to him and smiled at me as he played with my soft hair that was as he locked eyes with me. My own eyes locked eyes with his. I smiled at him. He held me closer to him and rocked me back and forth. He smiled more as he walked me over to James who looked as confused as ever, head in his hands. 

He was crying and I could see it. The sparkling water underneath him showed me as much. James lifted his head and locked eyes with him as me moved closer to him. I sighed a little bit as I moved closer to him, placing his arms on his chest. He locked eyes with me as I moved closer to him. He smiled up at me with soft eyes. All he could do was smile at me as he got up and moved over to him. He smiled at me as he moved closer to him to see what he was making. He pulled a half-eaten sandwich out the fridge and munched on it. 

“Handling this not as well as I though you would,” I patted his back and smiled as the others pushed against my mind but I forced them back into the recesses from which they had been buried for so long. I kicked them back into the house I had imagined for them, the one my kids were in when I first met them. “It’s fine, you know.”

“I mean, do you even know what the hell I’m going through right now? I learned I was an angel.”

I nodded more as I locked eyes with him. My eyes shifted over to him and moved closer to him. I smiled at him as I placed a hand on his shoulder. He munched on the food and passed it to me. He smiled at me as I took the sandwich from him. I shifted once more as I locked eyes with him. Dean walked in and smiled at me then at James. I passed the sandwich to Dean and he munched on the food before setting it on the plate. James picked it back up and smiled at him. 

I shifted a bit more as I moved away from him. I sat down at the table and opened my computer. The one place I had never had any source of outside noise. I smiled as I looked at the new blank word document. No outline. No nothing. Just an idea that fueled me for a draft for two weeks before I edited it and cleaned it up for another two before sending it off to an editor. Even then I would have already started on another one. Dean got up and walked into the kitchen after tapping my shoulder and I moved with him towards the room. 

Both of us moved closer to him as I locked eyes with him. He smiled a little bit more as I looked into his eyes. Dean smiled a little bit as I moved closer to him and wrapped my arms around me. I smiled at him as I touched his shoulder as I moved closer to him. Our bodies moved closer to him. He moved closer to him. James smiled locked eyes with me once more. My eyes darted over to the door. He smiled at me. I shifted a little bit as I looked into his eyes as I shifted over to him. 

Someone knocked on the door as I locked eyes with Dean. This was someone we knew. Or someone who wanted to kill us. Either way this was a dangerous situation. Dean placed a hand behind his back and pulled out his gun. I reached down to my things and brought out my own angel blade. Sam went down to me and reached out to me. I did the same and took his head. The both of us moved to the door with Dean and Cas trailing not to far behind me. Sam and I went and locked eyes with each other as we both reached out to the door. I shifted more and reached out as well, touching the cold door knob. The other three of them, lifted their weapons as I flung open the door. 

“I heard you guys were in need of me, though I think I’m four decades too late.”

“Chuck! I missed you so much,” I ran up and hugged him close to me as tears came out of my eyes as I dropped my blade to the ground. “Thank you so much for coming here.”

“I missed you so much. I missed you so goddamn much,” Chuck rocked me back and forth.

“You were missing for who knows how long. I mean, you were completely gone for long for so fucking long.”

Dean moved closer to Chuck with his gun still at his side near his side. I smiled at him as I pulled away from him. He gave me a smile as I locked eyes with him. I gave him a smile as I moved into the room as Cas looked at him. Chuck smiled at Cas as he moved into the room as I sighed as he moved down into the bunker and sat down in the library. He smiled as he looked over some of the other side. I sighed a little bit as I looked down at my hands. Dean placed a hand on my shoulder and pushed me over to Chuck.

“Years…I think it’s been a few years. You all look really good though, really. You look great.”

“Chuck, God, whatever the fuck you go by these days but you were gone. Everyone is looking for you. Us, other hunters, angels…demons!”

Chuck shrugged a little bit as he got up from his seat and moved closer to him. I smiled as I looked into his eyes before he broke eye contact with me and moved closer to him. He smiled at me as I looked at his disheveled body. He was more lanky than normal as he locked eyes with me. He smiled at all of the books around us all. Dean stepped into the room. Chuck smiled more as he locked eyes with me. He gave me a smile as he gestured for me to get over there.

“I know but God had to take a leave of absence to realize that he was God. I mean…who would want to be God?”

“I don’t think we can choose that. You are grasping on how hard it is and was for us to just lose you. I didn’t want to lose you chuck. I never wanted to lose you.”

Chuck’s once hard face softened for a few seconds as he locked eyes with me. He gave me a sad smile as he looked me over. His hand reached out to me as I turned away from him and crossed my arms in front of him. He sighed as he touched the back of my hand. He sighed a little bit more as I locked eyes with him as I looked over my shoulder. He smiled lightly as a smile appeared on my own face. He pulled me into another hug and sighed as a wet feeling went to my neck. He was crying. Holding back all the tears he had from years of being apart from him and he was my mentor, the one I looked up to. 

He kept his eyes near me as he pulled away from me. He smiled as I looked into his eyes once more. I looked him over. I walked him into the kitchen and handed him some food. He smiled at me more as he looked me over. He locked eyes with me once more as I moved closer to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. “You were gone for so long. Why the hell wouldn’t at least contact me of all people?”

“I am so sorry,” Chuck sighed as I looked into his eyes as I made him a sandwich. “I didn’t mean to hurt you in anyway. I seriously didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Here,” I passed him a some of the food and smiled at me toast closer to him to place a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you for even coming back to see us. I mean, wouldn’t that be amazing to just see you one last time before you disappear once more.”

“I’m not disappearing anymore,” Chuck sighed as he wrapped his arms around me. “I can’t do that to you or Cas or Sam and Dean ever again. You’re going to need me.”

The tension in the air broke, “So you know about my soul and what I am?”

Chuck nodded as he swallowed the bite of food he had taken, “Yes. I have known.” 

“For how long have you known about my soul,” I shifted as I locked eyes with him. “How long have you known, Chuck?”

Chuck sighed as he locked eyes with me for with a soft pause, “For about as long as I’ve known you.”

Anger bubbled in my chest as I moved closer to him, “You’ve known about me and my situation for how long?”

“For as long as I’ve known you,” Chuck sighed as he wrung his hands. “As long as I have known you.”

I shifted as I looked down at my own hands. Chuck smiled as he locked eyes with me. He moved closer to me and smiled at me. He didn’t even move closer to me. I shifted away from him as I turned away from him. He sighed as he looked down at my hands. I walked away from him as I tried to collect myself more than what I was feeling. A soft sigh left my mouth as I moved closer to him once more. 

Dean tried to stop me but I brushed passed him out of the room and out of the bunker. Chuck’s car was sitting right outside from the bunker on the street. Two kids were standing at the edge watching as a ball rolled towards me. I picked up the ball and moved closer to them. One of them held a bat. A metal one. The other had a mitt. 

“Toss that back please,” The kid with the metal bat looked at me and extended a hand to me. 

“As long as you lend me the bat for a few moments,” I smiled inconspicuously as I shot a quick look at the car across from me. The kid nodded and walked over to me and handed me the bat. 

I raised the bat above my head and stuck the car once, twice, three times. That got the others attention and Dean came out of the bunker. He stood in shock as the others moved outside as well. I smiled at him. Chuck smiled at me as he looked at me. His arms were crossed in front of his chest. I shifted more as I looked into his eyes and paused mid-swing. He sighed out of his nose as he chuckled a little bit and shook his head and walked towards me. 

“That just confirms that you have a soul made of hellfire, but we will figure it out.”

I nodded as I wrapped my arms around him. I dropped the bat as I looked into his eyes. My eyes went to his. I sighed more. He held me close as I sobbed into his chest. My eyes shot up to his as I looked down as I tried to figure out what the hell I was feeling. I was angry that I was. I sighed as I moved closer to him. He smiled as he leaned back. I smiled as I moved closer to him. Cas wrapped his arms around me, as did the brothers. James walked out and wrapped his arms around me. I sighed as they all held me close.

“What a weird fucking family,” Dean smiled at me as the kid moved closer to me. I sighed a little bit as I turned back to the men and sighed as I tossed the bat back to him with some accuracy and hitting him in the eye. 

Dean smiled once more as he locked eyes with me once more. I sighed a little bit more as I looked down at my hands and turned to look at Sam. Sam straightened his back and kept his eyes locked on mine. Dean smiled more than usual as he wrapped an arm around me. His eyes drifted down to my hands as well. He gave me a poke on the hand as he locked eyes with some of the others. I sighed as I looked into his eyes. I smiled as Chuck wrapped his arms around me.

“Come on, you have to come inside now, you’ve done your destruction,” Dean smiled as he wrapped his arms around me. “You can come inside now.”

Dean and I locked eyes as I looked down at my hands. I sighed as I moved inside. Dean kissed my temples as I moved closer to him. He held me close to him and smiled as I moved closer to him and walked into the bunker once more with my head down. I sighed as I shifted towards him. Dean moved closer to me. His eyes trailed over me as I set myself down in the chair and opened my computer. 

“So what do have on there,” Dean leaned forward and looked me in the eyes. 

Chuck chuckled as he moved closer to me and locked eyes with me, “You haven’t told them about that, now have you?”

“Told us about what,” Dean chuckled as the words came out of his mouth and he looked into my eyes. “He keeps that fucking computer on lock. No one is allowed in.”

“He’s like a fucking novelist, has a whole bunch of shit he hasn’t released,” Chuck smiled as I hid my face in embarrassment with a head creeping up to my cheeks as I did so.

“I fucking hate you for that,” I turned the computer to Dean after I opened up one of my files. “You can read that.” 

Dean’s eyes dragged over the screen. For hours he sat there reading the words on the screen. My eyes watched his face as he moved closer to him. He smiled a little bit as he moved the computer closer to me after he was smiled at me a bit more. He shifted a little bit more as he locked eyes with me. His smile only grew wider as he looked down at the computer. 

“I fucking loved that. How many more do you have on that computer of yours?”

“I think I’ve been writing one a month since I was at least sixteen so…at least forty-eight.”

Dean smiled and tapped his hands on the table, a sigh leaving his mouth. I shifted more as I locked eyes with him. He smiled at me and locked eyes with me. Sam smiled as he looked me over. I shifted more as he locked eyes with me. I stood with my hands on my face a is moved closer to the bothers. 

“I’m sorry I never told you about that,” I sighed as I looked down at my hands. “It was super venerable for me to even share that with you.”

Chuck nodded a little bit as Dean moved closer to me. He placed a hand on my shoulder. I smiled at him as I moved closer to him. He touched my hand as I looked into his eyes. I smiled as I moved closer to him. Dean placed a hand on mine and smiled as he moved closer to me. I sighed a little bit more as I tried to figure out what the hell I was going to do know. 

Dean leaned forward and looked into my eyes, “Why don’t you ever want to publish them? Why haven’t you?”

“Never had the funding to do it. Only ever got to get read by an editor which is why they’re so fucking good.”

“Then we’ll pay to have one or two published. Once they start generating the money you need to publish the rest and pay us off then you can do the rest,” Dean offered. 

“I could be your agent and I could talk to my publisher about publishing the books.”

I nodded a little bit more as I locked as I looked at him. He smiled at me as I moved closer to him. Chuck smiled at him. He smiled at me as he touched my hand. He gave me a soft squeeze on the hand as I moved closer to him. He gave me a smile. I shifted in my seat.

“That would be amazing…but I wanted to do this on my own,” I sighed as I clutched my hand to my chest as I attempted to hold my breaking heart. These men seemed so happy to help people like me. “I wanted to feel some sense of accomplishment about it.” 

“But you finished forty-eight novels in four years and that’s amazing. One book in one month for four years. Do you know how much money you could have been making.”

I nodded as I locked eyes with everyone else in the room, “Maybe you guys could help me.”

“I will call my publishing company right now, though I don’t think they know if I’m alive.”

We all let out a small round of laughter before I spoke up again, “Thanks guys. It really means a lot to me.” 

I finally opened up the word document I hadn’t even started yet. I sighed as I tapped the keys as I tried to figure out what to type. For once I had no idea what to write. No ideas. No plot. Nothing. My fingers kept tapping the keys. I wanted to do something more. I didn’t know what to do so I stood up and walked around the room as I tried to get some ideas flowing though my head. I sighed audibly as I looked around the room. 

Talk about us. Just once. No one would believe you anyways. Please. Our names need to be said. 

People would think I’m fucking insane. 

Change your name and all that good shit. It’s not that hard but someone needs to say our names. We’re not some K-Pop star that killed themselves because they are too stressed out from working. 

I-

Please, do it for all of us. Do it for every single one of us who never even got a chance to have their names said. 

People will think I’m profiting off your death. I can’t do that.

All of their voices spoke at once, their bodies were crammed against my skull, Do it please.

I collapsed to the ground as I tried to move closer to the chair and held me hands around as I locked eyes with the men no the room. Dean grabbed my shoulder and smiled at me as he helped me crawl into the chair. I sighed as I moved closer to him and held myself up. My skull pounded as I moved over to the computer and sat down at the computer and started typing as I looked down at my hands. I didn’t even start thinking before I started typing on the computer and tried to figure out a good place to start but I guess the being was a good place to start. Though maybe I could jump right into the action. 

Goddamn it, just start from a library bit. That seems a good place to start. I love that part. 

Amy spoke up as she locked eyes with me, Yes. Wherever you start, just start. I think it will be fine with editing, you know? Editing is key. That’s what you always say. Editing makes a good story. It takes it from shit to good to better.

Fine. From the top.


End file.
